Making it Clearer

Our mind is like a cloudy sky: in essence clear and pure, but overcast by clouds of delusions.  Just as the thickest clouds can disperse, so, too can even the heaviest delusions be removed from our minds.
-Keisang Gyatso (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/clear)


I am having a hard time putting all I am learning into a  simple explanation.  As an educator for many years,  I used to pride myself on my ability to take complex material and simplify it  for student understanding.  Now I am struggling with this notion of explaining this idea of discovering who we really are and what happens during the process of discovery.  I want to be able to explain it just as much for myself as I do for anyone who might be reading this.


The Need to Make IT clearer

I know  words are so limited in their ability to describe  IT. IT is something to be experienced more so than described.  In order for any learning to sink in to the habitual mind pattern of the subconscious, however, we sometimes need the help of the intellect. That's where the words and explanations come in. I am going to attempt to use words and my intellect ( what is left of it lol) to tap into your intellect...so the door to greater understanding can be opened for both of us. How on earth do I do that?

In class, what I would do after explaining something complicated is open the floor to questions and I would do my best to answer each question in a way that would benefit all.  This is also how many Satsangs are held. I will try that approach.  I am, by no means, professing to be a wise guru here...just somebody wanting to learn. So here are some questions I had and have as well as my attempt at answering them.  Of course, I will be referring to the experts.

What is waking up?

I know people still shake their heads when they hear what they believe to be "New Age Catch Phrases": waking up, awakening, enlightenment, higher consciousness etc. It is uncomfortable for many to consider the process and maybe the idea of waking up contradicts their own belief systems. It may also be fear inducing  because it is scary for the ego to think that people are going to leave it behind for enlightenment.

You see, that is all enlightenment or waking up is...a leaving behind of the part of you that does not serve you in the highest way. That part of you is your ego mind and all its selfish desires full of me' and 'mine' obsession. Waking up is a discovery and then a living in the truth of who you really are beneath all these things ego tricks you into believing you are.  It is a realization of the you that exists beyond this idea you and others have of you...you beyond the job title , the house, the status, the relationships, the personality, the problems and the body.  It is a finding of the real you, you never lost because it was always there beneath  what you have come to believe is real but isn't.

What you think is real and important right now...isn't! Some day and in some way...you will wake up to realize that. We all will.


Why do we need to begin the process of waking up in the first place?

Hmmm! The first thing we need to remember is that it is not a choice. Waking up to the truth of who we are and why we are here is something we are all going to do whether we like it or not. Mooji often says that we will do it now or we will do it later, in this life or the next...but eventually we will discover the truth of  our existence...what it all means ! Waking up is inevitable.

Doing it sooner than later will benefit you.  It will end the suffering you are experiencing.

Suffering?

Yes...suffering!  We are all suffering in one way or another.  For some that suffering is obvious and seems all consuming...for others it may not be so obvious or believable. "He has everything!  How can he be suffering?"

We are all suffering.  The first noble truth of Buddhism is about Dukkha...this suffering that is a part of ego consciousness. As long as we are operating from ego ( therefore not awake) we will suffer.

Most of us are suffering because we believe the ego over the real Self, the dream over waking reality, the illusion over truth.  Ego tells us that the world is a scary place and that we are constantly vulnerable to attack...from others, the world and ourselves.  In order to survive it...we must prepare for defense and attack...so we are always fearful and on guard...that causes suffering.  We see this in war zone areas, of course, but we also see it in the anxiety and addiction epidemic in areas where there is no war.

Bodies

Ego tells us we are our bodies and these bodies are vulnerable to attack as well...from others, from outside forces, from illness, from death.  We tend to have that belief system supported by our culture. If we are our bodies, and they are vulnerable to illness and death than we will  end when our bodies end.  We will spend a great deal of mental energy and so called time fearing and being protective of these vehicles. We will 'fight' disease and age. We  will 'resist' death and we will suffer because death of the physical body is inevitable.  Our bodies will die and so will the bodies of the people and things we love.  We will experience a sense of great loss if we see ourselves and  others as merely bodies. We will suffer.

Winning

Ego also convinces us that if we seek to attain, gain, win, own, collect, gain social recognition and reward we may be better able to endure this suffering and even find some semblance of 'happiness'. It points us in the  direction of external happiness and reward. We will 'work hard', 'struggle', 'fight' and 'seek' for these things.  And we may actually succeed and get some of the  things it tells us will make us happy but the problem is the thing or the happiness earned in this way will not last. Nothing of the physical world lasts.  It is all temporary and fleeting as it is meant to be. We will lose!

We may win some. Gaining one thing will appease our ego for a while but egos are hungry creatures...they will just want more and it will set us on a never ending search for the next thing, and the next, and the next...promising us that we will get the everlasting happiness if we try harder, do more, fight, fight, fight. But we will never get it in this way. We can go through our years gaining and losing...fighting and struggling...doing and doing and doing and still we will not be able to cling to the things we earn...We  will suffer!

Ahhh!  But there is the love of others who we deem as special or who deem us as special to end our suffering? Right? 

Wrong!  Looking to others to end this sense of suffering will not end our suffering, it may even cause more. Though love is why we are here and the most precious gift we have to offer or can receive, there is a difference between love and attachment. Many of us cannot make that distinction and relationships become selfish attachments rather than an opportunity to expand in love.

Other people cannot make us happy, healthy or whole.  We often go into special relationships with expectations for the other to fulfill us in a ways they are unable to fulfill.  Then we get disappointed, hurt, angry, resentful...collect grievances, become victims or villains.  We offer  guilt or blame, accept guilt or blame as we fight to make the other into something ego wants them to be. It is a given...when egos relate with other egos , there is going to be suffering.

Doing

And  we will also turn to work and activity to soothe and numb.  We will get lost in 'doing'. Ego doesn't want us calm and still and present.  Something exists in that quite stillness that terrifies the %^&* out of ego...so it does whatever it can to keep us away from the moment.  It will  do so with memories of the past and by filling us with anticipation or dread over the future.  It wants us back there or up ahead in a time that never comes so we do not experience its arch enemy... the now.  It fills our minds with restless thoughts, judgments, perceptions that make  the moment a place we do not want to be in...that we will resist with all our might. When we resist the moment, we are resisting life. Yuck!  That's suffering.

Believing ego's version of living equates to suffering.  As long as we identify with all the things ego tells us are 'essential and important' we are going to suffer.   There is no escaping it.

How do we change our lives so we feel better?

If ego is a part of your conscious mind under which you tend to operate, then the solution to suffering then is to change your mind , is it not? Stop listening to ego!  Patanjali often taught, "So the mind so the person, bondage and liberation are in your own mind."...What you think, you become and if ego is doing the thinking...you will become a big blob of suffering. You are stuck in that as long as you think you are.  The world will be the gruesome dark place in which you feel stuck.  But it doesn't have to be that way. You do not have to subscribe to ego's sick version of the world!

If I so choose I can depart this world entirely.  It is not death that makes this possible, but change of mind about the purpose of the world. If I believe it has a value as I see it now, so will it remain for me.  But if I see no value in the world as I behold it, nothing that I want to keep as mine or search for as a goal, it will depart from me.  For I have not sought for illusions to replace the truth.
-ACIM-W-226: 1: 1-5

Simply put we put down ego's illusions, it's sick version of reality for the truth.


What is the truth?

The truth is you are so much more than what ego would have you believe you are. You are so much more than this body personality or name others know you as.  And the world is a creation of that that flows through you. You are that very thing ego works so hard to prevent you from experiencing.  You are that stillness, that quiet, that space.  You are a beautiful expression of Life, presence, the Divine. You are a powerful force.

You are not a little 'me' separated and alone struggling on a dark and dangerous planet.  You are a part of One Universal Source that cannot be a part from Its Creator. You are everything and everyone and at the same time you are nothing.  (No-thing).  You are so much more than a thing of form and you cannot be contained by form.

One should endeavor to keep the suggestion of one’s real self, which is one’s real protection, constantly in mind; that self which is one with all Life and all Intelligence, which not only preserves but provides for all. (Behrend, pg3 4)

Above all else you are loved and you are Love. 

I seek my own identity and find it in these words: "Love, which created me, is what I am." Now need I seek no more.
-ACIM-W-229:1:1-2

Seek no more!

 

All is well.

 

References 

ACIM

Behrend, G. (2016)Attaining Your Desires. UNicorn books.

 

Mooji TV

 

The Knower or an idea of 'me'?

The Union of the Owner and the Owned causes recognition of the nature and powers of them both. Yoga Sutras Book Two: 23

When we feel lost between two worlds of consciousness that seem to be coming together we are seeing a union between the true Self and the world around us which includes our crazy mixed up minds. The cause of this union, according to Patanjali, is ignorance.  We have literally forgotten our "self". (Book Two:24) Once we remember that Self we set the Seer free.

Only the Knower

More simply, once the junction created by ignorance is removed, the Seer rests in Its own true nature.  The Purusa[Owner, true Self] is always like that ; although temporarily it appears to be bound by Prakrti [nature, external things]. We should not only remember this theoretically but should remember this point in all our experiences, all our actions, all our ups and downs.  ask, "Am I tainted by this?" "Who am I?" "Who is happy?"  "Who is unhappy?' If we continually ask these questions and do this kind of meditation, we will find that we are only the knower...."I am the eternal witness." (Book Two: 25)

The idea I have of myself is not the knower

I better clarify something.  When I say things like: "I am a mess!  I keep slipping back to sleep! I don't fit in anymore" or even "I am aware!" the "I" I am referring to is nothing more than  this idea I have of myself. This idea I have of myself is creating ideas about the world around me and my awakening experience.  It is the idea I have of myself that is judging this thing as messy and that is experiencing these dualistic states: one day feeling all connected and aware and the next lost in ego. 

This idea I have of myself is the "I" in which I refer to and it is not who I am.  It is just personality and persona...something created in my mind and in other minds.  It is thought form in a body and with a name.  When "I" feel aware of It, it is the thought form in a body that is aware of It.  The idea of me is aware of the reality of me but not yet fully experiencing it or otherwise there would be no awareness.  The subject can perceive an object but the object can not perceive itself. Once I am seeing the world through It's eyes there will be no need to be aware of It...I will Be It.

So obviously if I am 'aware' that I am feeling in between and messy, I am not experiencing my true Self.  I am still ignorant.  Just thought and idea...creating more thought and idea.

We really cannot be anything but Self. Self is constant and never changing.  It doesn't have shape or form or color or names...It just is.   It is not overwhelmed by my" messy In between" for as far as it is concerned there is no in between. There just Is.

It is not concerned about the illusions created by  my sleeping because what it knows to be real is awake.

It is not concerned about my fitting in with other egos because it is perfectly okay as It Is.  And understands It Is everything and everyone so whether I see it or not, feel it or not I have no choice but to fit in.

It is not awkward and sick...it knows not these things. Those things belong to the  idea of me...not to Who I truly Am. That Self cannot ever be confined to a two letter pronoun.

All is well

Sri Swami Satcidananda ( 2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications

Lingering

What need have I to linger in a place of vain desires and of shattered dreams, when Heaven can so easily be mine?
-ACIM-W-226: 2:3

Hmmm! Like some of you, I am sure,  I am indeed lingering in a place of vain desires and of shattered dreams.  I am trying to wake up.  The alarm has gone off good and loudly  but I keep reaching over to push the snooze. I keep slipping back into that early morning sleep, you know?  The kind of sleep where dreams are so vivid and easy to remember. . .where it seems so real but you know it isn't??? Man...I do want to wake up...or at least be either completely asleep or completely awake...one or the other so I am not aware of the other!  This in between sucks! lol

The messy In Between

I am a mess.  I am so aware one moment of what is real and important and the next I am lost in ego crap thinking that's real but then knowing at a deeper level it isn't.  It is confusing. The circumstances of  life are still effecting 'me'. I am definitely doing more 'observing' but that's really weird at times too. One moment I am lost in emotional and mental reaction to external things and the next I am observing myself freaking out. One moment I see it all unfolding as 'my' story and the next I see it as an impersonal story and wonder where I fit into it.

Even though, I barely think about it, I still identify with my body and its limitations too many times. When I try to do zen activities(good for the soul/good for the mind)  like a full yoga practice or  kayak on the river in the early evening hours as  the sun goes down....I feel limited and 'sick'.

My social life is a mess.  I see how I am pulling away from people and situations where I need to socialize.  I actually see now how I have been, to some extent, doing that my whole life. It has always been awkward for me and I found such solace in being alone. (I have been unknowingly reaching this awareness for as long as I can remember). Now that I am 'aware' relating is even more awkward. lol. And I am questioning and observing relationships and human contact on a whole new level that leads to more awareness but also to more confusion.

I find it hard some times to settle in the moment and I feel frustrated because I can't settle in the moment. "You have come this far," I tell myself.  "You should know how to be present...you should be present all the time.  People think you are crazy for your choice to go inward...you better give them something to show for it.  Be the wise, peaceful guru that knows where it is at and has a life that reflects that peace...and be it soon!" lol

I don't know how to BE in this world.  Sigh!

Time to Stop Lingering in Bed!

I know I have to stop pushing the snooze button if I want to be truly free of this confusion and awkwardness that prevents 'me' from experiencing  Being .  Once I commit to waking up I will realize that nothing changed while I was asleep.  That it is all okay.

Lesson 227 of ACIM -W goes onto say....I am free because I was mistaken, and did not affect my own reality at all by my illusions. Now I give them up, and lay them down before the feet of truth, to be removed forever from my mind.

I am just having a bit of trouble with the giving them up and laying them down bit.  But the key thing to remember is that these illusions, this sleep I keep falling back into...cannot stop me from Being ...This Being doesn't go away when I fall back to sleep. I just lose awareness and experience of it. I cannot, however, lose IT!

Can't Lose What is Real

Mooji in the August 4th Satsang speaks to this.   We can be nothing but present.  We do not lose the true Self. Who is the person that feels they are losing contact with Self, that's confused? It is just the mind's idea of 'me' we created that is getting caught up in an idea of 'me' that's creating the confusion.  The true Self, that presence, that essence doesn't wax and wane like our mind does.  It is not confused about anything!!!!  We just get caught up in an idea of 'me' that is creating other ideas of me. 

Who we are never goes away even when we fall asleep gain and again. This Quiet Space, Stillness, Isness is ever present and never changing...and that is Who I am under all this confusion the mind creates. It is not touched by my dreams or illusions.

Thought is causing the so called problems in 'my life' not Life.

Adverse circumstances are overcome by reversing the originating cause, which is your own thought.  Anxiety and fear always attract conditions of their own kind.  Reverse  this tendency and entertain only those thoughts which register harmony and confident assurance, and the adverse circumstance will recede, and in their place will appear the conditions which correspond your changed mentality. Genevieve Behrend,p g 17

Those conditions that respond to changed mentality are Divine conditions offered by the true Self.  If I control this active monkey mind that keeps me dreaming...I will understand this fully.  I will step over the threshold between dream state to being fully awake and I will live my life from there.

We all need to stop lingering in bed and get up to embrace this beautiful and amazing thing called Life. I have to start with me.

All is well in my world!

References

ACIM

Behrend, G. (2016) Attaining Your Desires. Unicorn Books.

Mooji TV  (August 4, 2018)Your Homework is to stay home inside your heart.  https://mooji.tv/freemedia/your-homework-is-to-stay-home-inside-your-heart/

The Life in Me

"The Life in me is inseverably connected with all the life that exists, and it is entirely devoted to my personal advancement" 
-affirmation from Genevieve Behrend's Attaining Your Desires

Say what?????

There is a wonderful little book I want you to read.  It  was written in the early part of the 20th century and reprinted recently because of its refound significance. It was by a woman by the name of Genivieve Behrend who studied "Mental Science" under a renown philosopher, Judge Thomas T. Troward.

The above affirmation is repeated to reinforce in ourselves  that the Life force within us, the force  that allows us to do all we do, is the same Life force that is in everything in this world.  There is One Source therefore we are connected to all things in this world. This force, is devoted to us ...doing everything it can (which is everything)  so we can be all we can be as these individual expressions of it.

It wants us to be happy, healthy, joyful and successful!

All we need to do is believe this in our very core to Be what it wants us to be. We use the mind to create this reality instead of allowing it to use us.

How cool is that?

All is well in my world.


Life's purpose is to give expression to Its joy, beauty, and power, through Its particular instrument, my thought.





References:

Behrend, G. (2016) Attaining your Desires. UNicorn books.

Is Jim Carrey Crazy?

Everything you gain in life will rot and fall a part and all that will be left of you is what was in your heart.
-Jim Carrey



What do you think happened to Jim Carrey? Did he have a breakdown and go crazy?  Is he crazy?

If he is I am really bonkers. No one will notice maybe because I am not famous but I would have to be.  In fact if he is crazy, I want to be because everything he says in these videos hits home.

Just listen and see what you think? Does he seem crazy to you or brilliant?


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_-kaib_rXTQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qnNHzhhVaiU

A Little Adyashanti Wisdom on Reality

Discord means I am out of alignment with reality right now.-Adyashanti

Discord?  Let me tell you about discord. I am a mess right now....and my world reflects it.  My house is upside down with the renos and the understanding of what I used to call 'my life' seems upside down as well.  Why?  Because I am out of alignment with reality.

Alignment is a big thing for a soon to be yoga teacher lol...I better snap everything back in...but to what plane? What I thought was reality...what most of the world calls reality, I am coming to understand, is not reality. Most of us are out of alignment because we are lining up with illusionary planes. How the heck am I going to teach a safe class if almost everyone is out of alignment? :)

Ahhh...the only person I can align is myself. I need to focus on aligning myself and the rest will be taken care of....so how do I get back to reality?

I have forgotten It, and do not know where I am going, who I am, or what it is I do.  Remind me, Father, now, for I am weary of this world I see. Reveal what You would have me see instead.
-ACIM-W-224:2:2-4

Then and only then can I expect to help the world see reality. In the mean time, I don't need its cooperation.

The nice thing about reality is it never needs the cooperation of the rest of the world. -Adyashanti

Genuine Poetry

Genuine poetry can communicate before it is understood.
-T.S. Eliot (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/poetry)


Poetry is amazing!  No...I am not saying 'my' poetry is amazing... I try not to judge my poems. And I am definitely not being gratified by praise lol. I have not received any positive feedback on the poems I have supposedly written to date...and I have written many! If anything...feedback has been negative.  That is not what is important.  Poetry itself in its ability to communicate before it is understood is amazing whether it is deemed as good or not.

When I say poetry is amazing, it is amazing because of where it comes from. It comes from a different place than the one where most of our minds operate.  It comes from the "being" place within all of us rather than the 'thinking' place or the ego place.  I don't think one can be operating on ego and write true poetry. 

Not about the Ego

I mean we do...we occasionally  write a poem on ego's direction, with the intention of being 'a poet'.  I have sent poems out and have found myself stung by rejection again and again.  I have read my poems to others to have them say, "What the f(ront door) does that mean?  What kind of drugs are you doing?"  Still we often write to feed the ego.  We tell ourselves after certain poems that seem to click with us for some inexplicable reason , "Oh that sounds good." and we send it off to see if someone else will like it, publish it, give us praise and recognition for it...but that is not what the form is for.  It really isn't about the ego. 

Messages from the true Self

 I finally realize, after decades writing it, that poetry is a medium where the true Self speaks to the writer  and hopefully can be heard by one or two others.  I think it is a teacher, a wise guru, an expert communicator, a psychic fortune teller, and a connecting force between illusion and reality  (it is the poem that speaks to the reality not the place from which it is read that is real). It is a channel to the true Self, to Being, to God. It reminds us that this place exists beneath thought, beneath ego, beneath this world that seems so real. It offers wisdom, hope, a way  when the rest of our minds cannot see or understand it, when we feel lost. Well that is what poetry is to me.  I see that now.

From Beyond the story and the ego, the poem speaks

I wrote those two poems from the previous posts at a very challenging time of my life.  I was lost in 'the story' of it all and felt like I was drowning in 'stress'.  I couldn't see beyond what ego was showing me. I had absolutely no idea the significance of those poems because I was not even aware then what waking up entailed.

I probably wrote more poems during that time in my life ( between 2011-2015) than I ever did.  I wasn't sure why.  I would just get this overwhelming feeling that I had to write one, that a 'poem was coming out of me' and I would sit down and within minutes the words would be on the page.  It was not thought out...at least the first version wasn't.  There was no time for that...it literally just came out in minutes...each poem I wrote. It was beyond thought.  It was simply inspired action. When I was done I would feel this overwhelming sense of 'relief' and completion. 

I would read each poem  back and sometimes I liked the way it sounded to my ear and the visions it created in my mind but I never, and I mean never really understood what it meant or what significance it had to my life.  I would often just put it away and forget about it.

That meaning always came later.  I would read the poem later (months or years after I wrote it) and feel this "Oh my God!  Yeah!  That's what that means.  Oh I see now what it was telling me, what it was teaching ." The message  was always very spiritual in some way or another even when I wasn't.

Being the Open Vessel

We often talk about the wise teacher within us all.  Poetry is that teacher! And anyone who writes it is a teaching vessel.  You do not need to know anything to do this...just to be open!! It is so cool what we can learn from it and it is an honor to be used by the true Poet within. There is no 'me' in this, no ownership and no room for ego.  Truly...poetry is simply a contract between universal intelligence and dream state. It is the true creative expression...whether it sucks or not. :) Who wouldn't want to be a part of that?  Who wouldn't want to learn from that?

So from now on, I am going to let the communicator speak and trust that there is some very valuable wisdom in the message that I will eventually understand.

I think that is so cool.

All is well in my world.

Cyclone

 

Cyclone

It lands in the center of my chest,

like a column of swirling wind,

a vortex of   howling frenzy

sucking away the quiet moments of my life.

 

The 'me' I once thought I was

is suddenly

extracted from the delusion

that I am securely rooted in the

quaking earth beneath my feet.

 

I reach out desperately for something to cling to

but atlas, all that I once knew to be real

vanishes like wisps of smoke

when I wrap my fingers around it.

There is nothing of form to hold onto

and my legs are pulled from beneath me.

 

I am carried towards the eye of the storm.

The force of  the winds  contractions

clutches my heart making

me cry out for the breath

that persistently eludes me.

 

Memories  whirl past.

I watch helplessly

as scattered moments of pain and frustration

bump into the fragile, broken parts

of my childrens' innocence,

threatening to destroy what remains.

I lean forward to protect it but

the gale force is too strong.

Its hand, placed aggressively on my sternum,

pushes me back and away

as  the cries for "Mommy"

become faint whispers of "I don't care anymore."

 

I see her face caught up in the storm's chaos.

 I want to get to her

so I can wrap my arms around her,

soothe her pain,

tell her how  I'll miss her

but the swirling frenzy inside and around me

leaves my limbs heavy,

making every movement difficult.

It keeps us apart.

 

I see the desk and  phone

I once occupied,

floating past.

The smiling  and fearful faces of those I lectured to

becoming foggy images before disappearing into the vortex.

They, like so much of what I identified myself with,

are  being swept up by the destructive

nature of the cyclone.

I am losing what I thought I was.

 

 

 

I hear their voices echoing through the moving air

telling me there

is no reason why I can't weather this storm better.

I reach down to the white coated figures with arms

heavy with fatigue,

my weak cries being drowned out by the howling wind.

They quickly glance up and duck away

but they don't see me.

They half-heartedly scribble something 

on their little green pads

as they talk back and forth amongst themselves about my case.

The pieces of paper get tossed  into the atmosphere's in drawing breath

with careless gestures.

I scramble to grasp the slips

in hope they are maps

showing me the way out of this mess

but atlas they are just meaningless markings

and useless trinkets meant to pacify.

Wispy figures of shame lurk in the storm's shadows.

They grab  me by the neck and wrists strangling,

pulling me away

from those I am told have the answers.

 

 

 

Then when I think I can bare no more

I am squeezed through the tiny

opening in the center of the whirlwind.

I am painfully pulled, twisted,  pushed.

All parts of me that do not matter

 are scraped from the surface in the process.

 By the time I am through this

small gap in space

I am raw and numb.

It is too much for my mind and body to bare and

I collapse into a state of nothingness.

 

When I awake I find myself  in a place

where there is no movement

or growling wind,

just perfect calm and stillness.

I breathe a  breath of real life.

My chest, with the heaviness gone,

welcomes the air,

drinking it up like a thirsty dessert traveler

who has finally found the oasis.

I am released from the hands of shame as

glorious light melts the shadow fingers that hold me back

into tiny drops of nothing.

 

 

For the first time in my temporary human existence

there is no quavering,

not even a rumble in the earth beneath my feet.

I  stand strong and stable

for doubt has been replaced by faith,

despair with hope

fear with love.

In the center of this storm

I find His perfect peace.

 

From this place

I realize

I have the power to make the winds disperse,

the earth settle,

the body  heal

and the pieces of my life to fall in perfect order...

His order.

And I need do nothing.

Copyright Dale-Lyn 2011

 

 

 

I wrote this back when  the symptoms of my 'condition' hit me like a cyclone and I was forced to go off work.  At the time I also had some scary maternal issues to deal with and a sister diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. I felt so 'sick' but I couldn't find anyone to help me(clear diagnosis and support). It seemed like such an awful time...but I knew then, throughout all the chaos, that this cyclone  was taking me somewhere. It is taking me somewhere and I am so very grateful.

All is well!

Who is this Gentle Nurse?

 

Who is This Gentle Nurse?

 

Who is this gentle nurse,

who slips into the sick room

in the darkened corners of my mind,

when all is quiet and still?

 

Illuminated by the soft light of her lamp,

she shuffles by on

tiny slippered feet,

on feathers that do not make a sound.

 

With determined purpose

she goes from bed to bed,

offering  her gentle administrations

with selfless love.

 

She compassionately wipes the fevered

brow of fearful thoughts,

cooling the raging temperatures

until there is no more perspiration or chills,

just quiet breath and sleep.

 

She whispers soothing words of encouragement

to worry,

stopping the trembling with a soft hand on its shoulder,

preventing anxiety from taking over.

 

She skillfully runs a line on another desperate patient,

offering sweet replacement to anemic thoughts

of scarcity and doubt,

filling the empty spaces of hungry vessels

with sure  knowledge of  His abundance.

 

She gives medicine to the mediocre

in the form of 

life enhancing corrections,

that are offered in little white paper cups.

 

Providing dignity and grace

she  gently rolls over those

who are still clinging to the past.

Using soapy, cleansing clothes

of forgiveness

 she washes away

their shame and guilt.

 

 

The heads of those who are thirsty for more

are lifted

and she places glasses of cool, quenching water

to their parched lips.

 

She calms those who are striking out,

 at the shadows of the night

as they spit out their anger and blame,

with her sweet reassuring voice.

 

Windows are opened,

so fresh breezes can blow through

to comfort and soothe,

to give life back to the dying.

 

The stench of brokenness is lifted from the room.

 

as she works tirelessly,

effortlessly

and lovingly

throughout the night.

 

When the morning hours come

and the sun is casting glorious golden light

in  on the once weary faces of her charges

it is seen that all traces of sickness

  have been washed away.

All suffering

has disappeared along

with the shadows of the night.

 

All there is left in this room is peace

encased in His precious golden light.

 

Though no longer needed,

she will remain where she is,

where she always was,

a reminder of His Presence.

 

Who is this gentle nurse

Who has been with us for so long

And whom we  still can not quite see?

 

Truth...

I am told,

by the healed voice within me,

her name is...

Truth.

 

Dale-Lyn August,2011

The inevitable and bumpy journey to "I am"

There is only one thing better than "I am bad" or "I am good" and that is ''I am".
-Adyashanti, Welcome to Awakening

Enlightenment doesn't always feel good!

Many of us have this 'idea' that enlightenment is supposed to make us feel good about ourselves.  We assume it will be like one of those ego quests we go on, the kind I wrote about in the previous blog: "I will feel good when I wake up, find God and discover who I truly am."

I don't know about the rest of you but I am not having a whole lot of fun right now.  I am not feeling good! I am a mess and I am not even there yet. What will I be like when I do get there and recognize who I truly am?  I have a feeling that the closer I get, the less fun it will be? 

Enlightenment, I am discovering the hard way, isn't going to make me feel good about myself. It is going to make me realize just how insignificant this idea of 'feeling good' is and most awkwardly,  how insignificant this 'me' is.  Feeling good about the self is just an idea. "Me' is just an idea and whatever I thought me was...is crumbling into a thousand pieces around me.

It feels awful, most of the time.  I am confused, disorientated and trying desperately to make sense of things.  It is like I am stepping off a plane in a foreign country with massive jetlag. I have some place really important to get to but I don't know how to get there.  On top of that I am trying to communicate to others that I need directions but the language I came off the plane with doesn't work here. Nothing I brought with me, works anymore.

Getting there

Still... I have to go through the activities of daily living until I figure out how to get to this place. It is like starting over. Everyone and everything is so strange all of a sudden.  I am so strange. People are looking at me like I am more than a little 'cra-cra'. lol

I want to turn around and hop right back on the plane that took me here but I know I can't.  I have come too far. I have  no choice but to make my way through the strangeness to this inevitable destination.  That's it too...the destination is inevitable. 

Adyashanti in his video Welcome to Awakening, teaches that "Enlightenment is a sealed deal. It is inevitable." At some point we are all going to have to face the truth of who we really are.  There is no escaping true Self-realization and that is the destination we are all headed in whether we know it or not. So I can't turn back even though part of me wants to.  The airplane has already left the tarmac.

So what do I do?  What do we do when we get this far and can't go back?  The lessons from ACIM tell us what we must do at this point.  We do not need to take another step. We just wait for the Destination to come to us.

 

No step remains for time to separate from its accomplishment. For now we cannot fail. Sit silently and wait upon your Father.  He has willed to come to you when you have recognized it is your will He do so. And you could have never come this far unless you saw, however dimly, that it is your will.

-ACIM-W:Part II: Intro:5:3-7

 

 

We really have to go no where.  We do not need to strive towards being good (more spiritual and enlightened) or push away from being bad (egoic and sinful).  We just need to be. And in being, everything else is irrelevant

 

Peace to my mind.  Let all my thoughts be still.

-ACIM-W:221

 

All is well in my world!

 

References:

 

ACIM

 

Adyashanti Welcome to Awakening   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XjJx12H9TxM

Don't Wander Too Far

Let me not wander from the way of peace, for I am lost on other roads than this.
-ACIM-w-220:2

Why is it so freaking hard to get a little peace around here?

Probably because most of us don't even realize it is peace we are looking for.  We are searching, reaching, wanting, and waiting for something to fill us, make our dreams come true, and our lives as exciting and wonderful as all those glamorized  lives we follow on social media. We are told that in order to 'get that elusive something' we have to work hard, struggle, fight, be better than or at least as good as those we follow or creep. We need to accept chaos, destruction, disruption and a lack of harmony in order to get there but it will all be worth it in the end. We wander far and away from what we truly need and want. Achieving happiness, then, becomes a competitive struggle.

This type of happiness ain't peace!

This search for  externally derived happiness is not the way of peace and it is not what we are truly looking for. What are we wanting to gain from those external, media-sensationalized things we strive for anyway?

What do we really believe they are going to give us besides an 'idea of happiness or success'?  Ego will tell us this struggle will eventually give us everything we need...well at least what is needed to survive in this cruel world of separated individuals and never ending defense and attack. Is ego speaking the truth? 

It is true we are looking for something but that something is not out there and that something is not as temporary or fast changing as the profile pics that pop up on our screens.  It is in here...and it is unchanging, and everlasting. What we truly want  is not temporary pleasure or 'ideas' of happiness that never feel like happiness for very long. We want peace! Yet the more we travel toward external happiness, the further off the path to peace we are. We are lost on any other road.

The difference between external happiness and peace

External happiness isn't real!  It is just a two dimensional idea.  Just like the photo shopped  images we see of smiling people living perfect lives on Facebook are just tricks to get you and the provider to believe  that the struggle is worth it, ego tricks and deludes us into following its path to something we will never ever reach.

The external pursuit of happiness is just an ideal, an ego trick, a path to nowhere.  Sure when we attain one of these things ego tells us we need to be happy...we will feel pleasure, a certain happiness for a while but it will not last.  If we get the job, the car, that big house, graduate, or find our 'soul mate' we believe we are happy for a while.  That thing, however, will not last or the pleasure it provides will not last.

 Nothing in this physical world lasts.  It is subject to change, deterioration, loss and death. And when we lose it or the feeling...we will have to go on a search for some other thing further along ego's path, to something else, something better. "This didn't work but if I get this next thing I will be happy."  We  find ourselves living in a constant state of, "I will be happy when..." but like all future projections, when never arrives.

Peace, on the other hand...is a different path.  It is a path inward to the eternal,  never changing Self.  Peace is not dependent on external things.  It doesn't wax, wane or fluctuate as the things around us do.  It is constant and real. It soothes and calms.  It connects and expands us as we follow the truth of who we really are.  Is that not what we truly want?

Peace doesn't require struggle or a fight to make it.  It is effortless involving nothing but a letting go. Peace is already within us and all we have to do is let go of all the illusions and distorted ideas that have fallen like a veil over it.  Peace is here and peace is now and  we just need to wake up to it.  That simple!

There is nothing wrong with going for that job, or that purchase or that degree, recognition or person....but just know that it is not that external thing that will bring you the peace you truly want.  It is something far greater, far more permanent and everlasting that brings peace. 

Peace out trumps external happiness every time and all you have to do to discover that...is to let go of this idea that you need external happiness. You already have all you need.  You already are all you need.  You have peace, you are peace. 

Instead of wandering aimlessly on these roads that go nowhere,  go home! You will find the peace you are looking for there, where it has always been.

All is well in my world!

Not the Body or the Mind.

I am not a body.  I am free.

-ACIM-W-219:1

You are not the body, you are in. 

Do you know that?  I mean truly know that?

I think if we knew that, knew that we were so much more than confined to these physical forms we would feel the freedom ACIM, Patanjali and so many other wise masters teach about. We would realize our unbound nature...and understand that it cannot be confined to  a finite vessel anymore than space can be confined in a map or the ocean confined in a glass of water. How do you put 'physical limits' around something so immense?

Yet so many of us feel trapped by these layers of muscle and bone that we call our bodies. We believe we began when the body took that first breath of air and that we end when it takes its last. We believe that who we are ...are these physical forms with marked expiration dates.... nothing more.  Because we see, hear, smell, taste and feel with the body's senses we believe our experience through it is all there is.  How can that be? 

You are not the mind that controls the body

Our sense are always bringing us things that keep changing and they are deluding us into believing it is all real. It is not the body that truly limits us then...but the mind. We prepare for that expiration the moment we perceive that these bodies and minds are limited by time and space.  If the bodies are limited, and we are the body, than we are limited too.

The notion of time and space is just a mental construct, an idea ...not reality.  If time and space are not real how can we be confined to these forms and limited by them?

Yoga can help to take us to this understanding.

Sweet and bitter, hot and cold, sun and earth, the whole objective universe of matter and energy does not exists independent of the mind  and senses. Even time and space are nothing but the power of the mind. There is nothing to limit man in time and space if there is no mind.  All limitations and barriers disappear with the disappearance of the mind. - (Swami Vishnu-Devananda; 1988, page 257)

If we can put aside our over identification with body or at least be willing to see beyond it, we will become aware of these delusions created by mind and we will sense an awareness, a quiet, still awareness that exists beneath it all that doesn't change like our sensory information does.  That awareness, that consciousness is who we are and it cannot be limited by physicality or by time, space or mind.

When the mind is still, there is no idea of time and space, which means there is no external consciousness except an awareness of self where there is no change. ( page 277)

You are not your body and you are not your mind.

Mind cannot exist independent of time.  Nor can space and time exist independent of mind. Mind, time and space are like the three points of a triangle. - Swami Vishnu-devananda; 1988;page277

And how do we live outside the triangle? How do we find this never changing Self that is not limited by body, mind or this idea of time and space?  We 'Be still" ....

Be still, my mind, and think a moment upon this.- ACIM-W-219:1

All is well

References:

ACIM

Swami Vishnu-devananda (1988) The complete Illustrated Book of Yoga. New York: Three Rivers Press

Sleepless

And how but through salvation can I find the Self to whom my thanks are due?
-ACIM-W-217:3

It is five in the morning and I have been up for a while.  A little life circumstance, a changing body and a whole lot of mess around me with the slow DIY my daughter and I are partaking in, goes a long way to disrupting sleep, let me tell ya! Put on top of that a perceived physical condition that reacts to stress and humidity and I ...on the outside...am pretty much a pile of fatigued mush.  :) I feel heavy but not trapped in that heaviness...if that makes sense.

Besides the fact that I am anticipatory grieving  the loss of my very best friend, my beloved dog, who is reaching the end of her days...other things seem to be turning around.  I am so grateful..so very, very grateful for that.  My house is looking better and will be much easier to sell when things are complete. I am unexpectedly witnessing hope and better choices in my loved one and I feel such wonderful relief. My youngest is all set for university financially thanks to some wonderful programs my province/country provides so I do not have to fret too much about that. I am already more than halfway completed my yoga teacher training. (The theory part anyway...only have 4 more essays to write...the practical exam is another story...having some issues getting the body to do what I want it to do...but it will! lol I am determined).  And I had a lovely evening reminiscing with my sisters and childhood neighbors and friends.

Of course that is all just 'story'. What is really important is that everyday I get closer and closer to fully realizing my own completeness.  That is most important to me now...all other things seem to pale in comparison.  I don't know how to explain it and I wonder if that is  why I am here at five in the morning when I should be sleeping? What is pulling me here to my office, this corner, this computer, this blog and to this page?  I don't know really but here I am. 

I will just sit here in this glorious quiet and listen for an answer.  If it comes great...if it doesn't, that's okay too.  It's all good!

Why I shared that with you, I don't know.  :)