Preferring Everything

 The great way is not difficult...for those who prefer everything.

Michael Singer 

Can you learn to love life, all of life?

You were born and you are going to die. What happens in between is 100% your responsibility. 

Wow! That was the wisdom picked up from today's talk.  I agree 100% with that logic now, though I didn't always. I used to set goals like most of us do...I still catch myself doing it at times.

We tend to set up our goals like this: " I will be happy as long as I get everything I want all the time." 

Is that realistic? 

I too used to ask myself and others, "How do I get what I want to feel happy and loved?  What do I do?" 

Social conditioning tells us to, " Set your goals, look this way, act that way, work really hard to get this or that etc." 

That is society's answer to that question.  I used to play that game until I realized this conditioned answer was not the solution but the problem! Not only is the conditioned answer the problem, but our question is the problem. 

It took me a long time to realize that if I wanted to feel happiness and love I had to stop looking out there for it. The wise ones teach that happiness, joy, and peace are already in us.  Instead of focusing on that question then ..."What do I do? Where do I go? etc",  we need to start focusing on why we are  not feeling bliss all the time even when we do nothing.

"Why am I not feeling the happiness, love  and bliss already within me....the sat chit ananda?"

The answer to that question is, "You are not accepting Life as it is.  You are resisting and in your resistance you stuffed and stored so many emotionally charged impressions. You have blocked the natural flow of this energy." 

When we hear this and really get it, it is like, "Wow! So what do I do about it?"

The answer to that one is simple too, "Stop resisting! And allow your insides to self clean."

''What does non resistance look like?"

It is a matter of just realizing that whatever happened hapened; whatever is happening is happening for a billion different reasons that have nothing to do with "this human" and a few that do. It is.  You cannot change what happened in the past and only a small sliver of what is happening now...so instead of closing up and sayng" No!!!! This shouldn't be!" which changes absolutely nothing other than worsening the mess you have inside...Try saying " It is!  It happened."  And accept it! Be willing to not only accept reality but to prefer it."

 Things are what they are. Things happen because of cause and effect. We just need to accept that and relax into it. When we don't resist we stay open.  When we stay open the amazing exprience of Life will come in, we will experience it, and then it will flow right through. We will stop storing stuff that blocks our flow. When we stop putting more stuff in on top, the old stuff already inside that naturally wants to come up for release, will be able to do so.  That energy we want to experience...that happiness, love, and joy will push whatever is in its way  up and out if we let it, if we stay open. Then we will expereince sat chit anada!

Wow! There truly is nothing to be done when we approach everything Life hands us as if we prefer it.

Stop preferring that Life be a certain way so you can feel happy. Start preferring everything Life offers you and you will stay open to the beauty and magic of this experience.  Your natural and innate happiness, love, and joy will flow. 

Yeah...that is the truth.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 30, 2024) Leraning to Prefer Reality. https://tou.org/talks/

Evolving Beyond the "me" and the Thinking Mind.

 

My life is my message.

Gandhi

My life, I hope, will prove to be  the message I leave behind for the world.  I want to make every moment about evolving and connecting with what is really important. Iwant to honor all of it, the ups and the downs, as being an important part of the process. 

Any life form only grows through challenge. This is what the process of evolution is...challenge brings in a flux of energy...needed to overcome limitations. The body will not grow stronger unless you make life difficult for it [through exercise]. [Challenge creates] a demand for more energy.

Eckhart Tolle

So this process of awakening is all about going up a level of  energy at a time.  This energy , of course, in yoga is called Shakti. In other traditions it is called Chi, the way, the Holy Spirit etc. In science it may be called "the field" or simply energy. Often this going up occurs because of challenge. Something shakes us out of our stuck positions. 

Ram Dass tells us that we all  get to a point where we begin to use  all of Life for the process of awakening...the ups and the lows. I hope I am there.

He also says , in order to evolve, we need to stand back away from the thinking mind. The mind is only one system for knowing the universe. It is the subject observing the object. We need to stand back from the universe in order to know the universe. Knowing about the spirit is different than knowing the spirit.

Yet, is that enough? 

He goes on to say that the sum of all anaytical thinking is not enough.  You are not your thinking mind. Another way of being...is not just knowing the universe as object but being a part of the universe as subject...

We need to basically stop thinking about me and therefore stop strengthening those parts of the brain and those pathways that keep us preoccupied with me. (Siegel)

We are not that self concept we created and are so identified with. "I am and I think"...is more true than Descartes,  "I think therefore I am."

Why are we so stuck there in that identification? 

We basically create the universe we are living in with our thoughts. We go about our worldly days.selecting all sensory input/ perceptions that fit our personal desires or needs with  thinking mind. We create a sense of self in this world that we created. It becomes 'real' to us. 

We forget that  all this drama and personality we created is just the foreground of our expereince here.  We are so glued to this foreground because it is so busy and demanding of our attention that we fail to see the background. Behind the thinking mind and all it creates is an infinite field of awareness or consciousness. That background is the true reality.

Transcendence  can happen when something challenges our usual way of approaching the universe with the thinking mind. We begin to see that which we are staring at as nothing more than moving clouds. We see what is beyond those moving clouds as the true reality.. 

This is a tier by tier process for most of us as we progress through one layer of cloud to another. We progress through the cloud of "It is all physical"...to it is all "mental, emotional beyond the physical"...to that which exists a bit behind the mind...what is called the astral body in yoga...and then we go farther and begin to see the soul in others and ourselves.  We have not transcended completely at this point though. It is not until we  lose the observer/observed and become one that we have completely transcended. It is there where there will be nothing yet everything. We are no longer the observer or the observed.

The energy that Tolle is addressing, that increases  with this evolutionary process is shakti, chi, energy, the Holy Spirit...whatever you want to call it.  The higher we go, which is actually the "deeper" we go, the higher this energy gets. 

The process of  awakening is the process of extracting yourself from every plane of reality. 

When we have transcended, there is no more need for mind, for words or for concepts.  We will be in the position Dante was in when he said:

I saw more than I can say.

All is well in my world.

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now Network. (June 2024) Ram Dass- The Up Level- Here and Now Podcast. Episode 254 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l0DdPR6-F2k

Daniel Siegal ( 2020) Aware. Tarcher-Pedigee

Eckhart Tolle (June, 2024) On the True Purpose of Life: Beyond the Pursuit of Happiness-https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBNt2nFzwFo

Just Be In It!

Life is a wonderful Dance. It is all amazing...even the mess inside. So, just be in it!

This human I call "me"

There is no right way to live...no "right" life.  I mean I try to follow the eight fold path of Buddhism because of its pure practicality, and there are a lot of "rights' in there lol, but really when we go deep there is just life doing life and all of us mixed up humans doing human. There is no right or wrong about any of it. There is certainly wiser and more skillful ways to approach this life...meaning choices that will bring us closer to what is really important and choices that will slow that process or even impede it...but right or wrong?...Nah...I am starting to see more and more that Hamlet was right on the mark.  "Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so." 

I often ask myself, "Am I doing enough?" This version of life this human I call me is living seems to lack a lot of doing and a lot of having (albeit I am fully aware that I do and have more than many).Am I doing Life right?

For the first time in the 60 some years I have been tramping around on this planet ... I am seeing things clearly. There is no doing it right...In fact, I see that  "doing" is so irrevelent. What is important is the being. We do not have to "do" Life,we just have to be in it. 

Are you in Life? Or are you in your head, your busy doing, your distractions, your seeking and behaving, grasping and reaching for something out there  that you erronously think will fix your messy insides? Are you in this moment, right here and now, allowing yourself to experience  whatever it offers or are you doing whatever you can to escape it?  Are you living Life or resisting Life?

Singer reminds us that we are here on this planet for one reason ...you are doing it for the same reason...to learn to handle reality....It is the meaning of your Life to have a beautiful life. ...Lift your thoughts up to reality.

The reality of Life is that it is all amazing.  Just being here is amazing. The bodies we are in are miraculous and amazing...trillions of cells perfectly capable of looking after themselves...growing, healing. getting rid of what is harmful. What we can do with our minds is amazing...the creativity, the beauty we can create. OMG! The planet is amazing. The experience of being on this planet is amazing. And we get to dance this imperfect but amazing dance. 

You know what is even more amazing? The conscious presence that we are, that is observing all these amazing things. That is even more amazing than this experience. Yet, we do not know that because we do not know that consciousness. If we knew it, if we allowed ourselves to be in it we would see the truth, There is no failure or success, no wrong or right...there is just this amazing journey of learning to do better. 

Earth is the place where souls are sent to evolve. It is not what you are doing it is how you are doing it....do the best you can and whatever comes back is holy. 

So what is the mess inside all about?  I think this mess we have inside is beautiful too. Yeah, we put it there but then we get to have the amazing experience of unputting it lol. We get to heal and learn as we do. 

We just have to use every moment of our lives as an opportunity for learning how to get rid of the mess and do better.  That is a true spiritual practice.  Step back, as objective observer, and watch the human that is you trip and fall and get back up again. Watch it take ten giant steps forward and get stuck...then another  twenty steps forward and fall etc. See it all as the amazing dance it is.

Just be in it!!!

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 27, 2024) Integrating Spituality into your Daily Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Where the Mind Goes

The big secret: to be aware that you are conscious...to be aware of yourself as consciousness.

Eckhart Tolle

Tolle often speaks to the importance of getting beyond our tendency to narrate our way through life; to get past this tendency we have to speak and think about our little problems and dramas, which only gets us more  and more entrenched in this illusion that we are that. Most of us are caught up in the story of "me", thinking, thinking, thinking about how we can keep up with the proverbial rat race as we worry incessently about what others might think of us. That is a pretty common 'human thing', isn't it? 

Did you know though that it is actually a biological thing? Did you know there is a specific portion of the brain that is responsible for this self preoccupation?

In Aware, Daniel Siegel shares the research findings of neuroscientist Antonio Damasio. Damasio explored the neural pathways of the brain (which is basically the direction and redirection of energy from one neuron to another). When we have a connection- pathway of firing neurons- between the medial prefrontal cortex, in the front of the brain, and the posterior cingulate cortex in the back of the brain...we have this sense of thinking about ourselves and worrying about what others think of us.  Though this connection (and the brain is constantly forming new pathways and connections as needed) is an evolutionary response to ensure our surival by making us aware of what we need to do to fit into the pack, it can become quite problematic , as we know, if it goes unchecked, These brain parts belong to something called the "default mode network" of the brain or the DMN....that automatic pilot that goes on without any effort from us.  If this DMN activity becomes isolated or cut off from other brain or body functioning...this sense of self preoccupation increases.  We will see ourselves as a "seperate self" rather than an integrated being in union with all of humanity, all of Life. Though we may still have an inherent need to fit in to the pack, we develop an even bigger need to defend and protect this "little me".  Life becomes "all about me". Isn't that where most of humanity is at?   

This "me" focus keeps us caught up in the stories we are creating to support it. Our focus and attention seems to get stuck on "Me and my life; me and my problems."   As long as our atention is there the neural energy will continue to go there. The "me" will continue to grow.  Siegel's famous line goes like this:

Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows. (page 19)

It is almost like the path ends there....stuck on me. So, how are we going to be aware of consciousness, if the mind is stuck on"me"? 

Simple. We redirect our energy. We widen the circuitry. We focus our attention off of "me" . 

Where do we put our attention?

Eventually our goal is to put it onto others, onto our connection with everything,  but we first must become aware of the consciousness that is observing all of this. That is where a mindfulness or meditation practice comes in. We use the brain activity that is already self focused to make it Self-focused.  We begin with pulling the mind's energy away from that part of the brain on which it is stuck, by distracting these pathways away from the mind's preoccupation. We train the mind to focus on the breath, what the senses are picking up, body sensations, and the mental and emotional things we are experiencing...not the content...just noticing the process. (We must be aware of how quickly thoughts, stories, feelings can pull us in if we are not committed to keeping our attention elsewhere.) We then bring our attention to the the absence or pausing of thought streams. We begin to see the consciousness which is embodying this mind and form temporarily, but not confined to it, observing as we make new pathways with our attention.

Remember with every pull away from the pathway that is recircling again and again around "me", the attention is redirected and setting up new healthier neural  pathways. When we begin to focus on "others", on our connectedness with the entire world, we have healthier, fuller brains/bodies and healthier, fuller lives.This is what Seigle referrs to as integration. 

This self obsession, we can imagine, may come from A DMN excessively linked within its own circuitry, and not connected to the wider neural systems in the brain, the body as a whole, or even the flow from others and the greater world. ...A more integrated DMN would instead involve processes of empathy and compassion, as well as a flexible form of self -awareness, harnessing the power of our social brains to focus beyond the solo-self. Page 138

When we can get past this focus on self, we can fall back into Self...becoming not only the Objective Observer of consciousness but consciouness itself. Maybe doing so would be easier if we realized that self, with the lower case 's',  is nothing more than a biological process, a concept stored in a neural circuit. Maybe Antonio Damsio was right?

You still have only one self and one identity. However, self, identity, and personality are not things. they are not objects, and they certainly aren't rigid. Instead they are biological processes built within the brain from numerous interactive components, step by step, over a period of time.

All is well.

Daniel J. Siegel (2020) Aware. tarcher perigee.

Eckhart Tolle (June, 2024) Transcending the Illusion of Time for Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PVuR9ygwRCw

Not Here To Make 'Me' Happy

 

It [the world; Life] is not here to make you happy. It is here to make you conscious.

Eckhart Tolle

Eckhart Tolle explained in the below linked video how many of us assume that Life's job is to make  us happy and when we are not happy it is because Life is witholding from us what it should be giving us. We look about us at the faces on social media or those we see passing us by on the street and think..."They look happy! What and why did life give them whatever it has given them, that it hasn't given me?" 

I caught myself doing that the other day. I have not been getting out much or doing what would be deemed by the social media pages as 'exciting or adventerous, what everyone should be doing if they are happy and living a full life'. No, my world these days entails a morning practice, followed by some soulful listening, this blog, some menial chores (done half assed) , in between the hours spent trying to finish a book my mind tells me I have no business writing but that I feel so compelled to finish, a few moments outside, maybe a walk in the woods, time with grandkids, the odd meal out, a yoga class three times a week, a few hours in the evening spent in front of the TV and ending with reading a few pages before crashing for the night. That's my life.  I am very comfortable in this routine.  I kind of like it even but....

As I was driving by a bunch of tourists the other day, watching couples walking hand and hand down the street, laughing and talking  as they explored this city, possibly for the first time, I felt this great sense of FOMO. It was like , "Oh man! They are "out" doing something in this life.  They are being fulfilled by excitement and adventure.  Life has given them what it hasn't given me."

 And when I am speaking to "successful" people...those who have their education all wrapped up in latin bows, or have earned a certain degree of wealth( or  are at the point they are not worried about money), or those who have published with acclaim...or those who have had their health conditions diagnosed early on, validated, and who have recieved the right treatment so they are not consumed with this health seeking shame, nor are they terrified about not being believed when they have to  'present' with a health issue, (I still dream about my struggle at night,,,it is a bit of a nightmare...it reminds me of how big of a samskara it is in me.)I feel this sense of FOMO again. Like " Why have I not been given those opportunities? Why did life take so much from me?"

The FOMO doesn't last long because I know as Tolle says, "It [the world; life] is not here to make you happy. It is here to make you conscious."I am blessed more than the others because Life is making me conscious, more and more so each and everyday, with every old challenge and every new one.  I am exactly where I am meant to be, doing what I am meant to do! I am waking up. Everything I do, albeit not all that exciting and adventerous, is a part of that waking up. How can life be any better than that?

This "me" I refer to when I say, "Why did Life withhold that from 'me'?", I know, more and more, is just a mental construct. It is not who I am.  Life did nothing to this "I am".  The 'me' attempts to make the impersonal nature of Life 'personal'; the "I am" accepts, embraces, and honors Life as it is, realizing 'personal' is just a  term I sometimes get caught up in.

So, it surprises me when I have these momentary glitches of falling into FOMO. I guess, I should be impressed with how quickly I come out of it now though. I come back to the truth quite quickly: Life is indeed making me more conscious.

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle ( June 25, 2024) Eckhart Tolle on teh True Purpose of Life: Beyond the Pursuit of Happiness.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBNt2nFzwFo

Enjoying Disneyland

 

In this world but not of it...

This is uncanny again. "Be in the world but not of it"...were the exact words on my mind over the last 24 hours. 

I always had this strong inkling ever since I was tiny that I was not of this world, that I was a stranger in it and for that reason (amongst others) I never felt completely in the world or like I belonged to it. That feeling was one of the many things coming up from the closet of stuffed samskaras yesterday. And I was looking deeply at it in my objective observation.  

I think not feeling comfortable in this human skin (the space suit that we inhabit while here) is partly responsible for a sense of insecurity and anxiety many of us feel as we tramp around.  It also may be partly  responsible for this very common experience many of us have of feeling like we are "different" and not enough. We have a sense of being strangers in a strange land. We spend our lives trying to assimilate and fit into this world to ease this innate sense of not belonging. That becomes our focus...how can we fit in to the human drama, like everyone else? So we focus on the human, the space suit we are in, and polish it and maintain it, decorate it, or  hide it so it blends in...We do our best to build it up and to protect it. 

We listen to the fear and heed it. We build preferences and expectations of how it should be out there to make it less "strange and uncomfortable" for this being inside the space suit.  We, then resist so much of this experience of life as it unfolds in front of us. It isn't fun!We stuff so much stuff in here with us and it just gets more and more uncomfortable. So we resist more and stuff more.

Sigh!

Yes, we are in the world but not of it.  We are temporarily here to experience this world, to taste, touch, see, hear, and smell all it has to offer as it passes through.  It is meant to pass through. We are here to learn and to grow. We are here to stay open and enjoy it. And there is so much to enjoy!! Singer tells us that  Planet Earth is God's idea of Disney World. 

We are on this amazing planet with all these awesome  experiences it has to offer for only a short time.  It is a vacation we are meant to enjoy.  These spacesuits are supposed to make that happen not imprison us! We were not meant to forget ourselves and identify with the space suit. We are the visitor inside the space suit! 

Yes, we are visiting here for a number of years....just visiting, with this amazing opportunity to experience and enjoy this vacation land and all it has to offer. We are not the spacesuits...we are that which is inside it.  If we put our focus on the being we are, remembering where we come from, rather than being all caught up in this overloaded suit and trying to fit into the world in the way our fear based mind tells us we shoud...we would be free. We would recognize our omniscient, ominpresent, and omnipotent nature. We would climb up on every ride that showed up in front of us and laugh, cry, scream, and even vomit our way through it...enjoying all of it. We would embrace this awesome opportunity whether it lasts ten years or 110 years...doesn't matter. ...we would enjoy Disney land. 

That is what I was thinking about yesterday . Then I open up to yesterday's podcast and the title is " In the world but not of it." Go figure.

All is well in this world.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 24, 2024) In the World but Not of It. https://tou.org/talks/

Kindness, Empathy, and Compassion

Kindness sets the mind for being open and caring; empathy sets the mind for deep feeling, sharing,and understanding; compassion primes the mind for connecting in feeling, thought, and action around suffering and its alleviation. 

Daniel Siegel, Awareness, page 104

A Very Common Question

 

What do you need and want from your Life in order to be happy?

A very common question.

"What do you need or want from your life?''

 I am always stunned by that question when others ask it because I don't know.  I usually say things like, "I don't know if I want or need anything from out there.   I really just want to be able to be peaceful and open no matter what hapens."

They will then counter with a, "Come on...I mean what do you...as a person...beneath all this spiritual crap you do ...want and need ?"

I want to tell them that I am not just a person...I am that which observes the person but I know that won't get me anywhere lol, so I play along by saying, "I want my children to be well, I want to be happy and living life fully, I want what I need to survive."

They will then say, "No, no, what do you want and need from life so you are happy?"  

And I just say, "Happiness comes from inside.  I want to be able to acess it."

At this point they tend to get quite frustrated with me. "No ! No ! No! If life was matching you, as a person,  what would it look like?" 

I usually sigh and give in at that point, "If life was matching my 'little me's' needs I would be free from suffering.  I would not feel so sick or disturbed everytime I looked around at my surroundings  and the beings in it,  seeing how much had to be done, fixed and improved. I would not feel that deep sense of obgligation , shame and fear when I do. There would be less entrophy ...the world around me would stop retreating into chaos...and by some means I would have the energy and power to keep it  in some semblance of  order. There would be less suffering."

"Less suffering? Oh my God!Will you stop with that woo-woo nonsense and the negativity? " they will usually counter again. "Just tell me what you want and need from life  to be happy. Put it in a positive way.  This is supposed to be a fun question to answer.  It shouldn't feel like pulling teeth. What would life be like if it was the way you wanted it to be?" 

It is then that I sigh and ask myself, 'What does this little me want?'  I take a deep breath and answer, " I would be surrounded by healthy, happy loved ones; I would be writing and publishing, studying and tidying up the education I have so far into  neat little packages.  I would have enough in my bank account that I didnt have to worry about money.  I would spend my days writing, sharing, and teaching. I would travel. I would explore and spend lots of time in the natural world. My environment would be neat, tidy, and well maintained. I would be the healthiest I could be physically and emotionally. And I would still be practicing in the way I do. "

"That's more like it" , they would likely say, "that is what you should be working towards." 

They seem to feel better with this answer than the others. Heck, I seem to feel better with this answer.  I even feel hope that maybe this human that I am a part of  could find a certain salvation in the outside world.  Maybe if it had all these things, had its needs met in this way...it would or could be happy. Hmm?

I start imagining all these things and it feels good. I imagine the desiring self as who I am again. My energy rises.  I am, as this little me,  feeling excited.  I am even tempted to put all these things down on a dream board or to attempt to manifest them in some other way. It feels good. Shakti is flowing. 

That is until the wise part of me makes itself known, drowning out the voice of this conditioned psyche with a "Now, now.  You know better than that. You do not need to manifest things or circumstances from the outside world.  You just need to keep practicing in the way you are practicing.  You need to keep going inward and allowing the healing there.  You don't need anything out here but what is necessary for the body's survival. You just need to purify. Purification is what will give you the peace you long for. It will allow you to notice, accept, experience, honour, embrace, and then release what is. Then if these things show up in your life... Great.  If they don't, so be it! No problem.  That doesn't mean you don't do anything. By all means: write, teach, look for ways to earn money, and do what you can to alleviate suffering in this world.  Just don't be too hung up on the outcome. That will trip you up if you are. Make your practice as the Objective Observer the most important thing in your life and all else will fall into order...maybe not an order you will recognize and understand...but an order just the same."

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6: 33 KJV

I don't tell the questioner all that though. I just take another deep breath as I thank Life for showing me what is real again. Then I smile and change the subject.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 23, 2024) Consciousness, energery, and the "I" in Between.https://tou.org/talks/

You can't Always Get What You Want

 You are not supposed to get what you want; you are supposed to be enjoying what is.

Michael A. Singer 

I was listening to Michael Singer share this truth today and I was reminded of the famous lyric below. We can't always get what we want...and that is great. Our preferences are so misguiding.  If we put that effort we are wasting on trying to get that thing we want because we erronously believe it will calm that turmoil inside us, that it will make us feel good... into focusing on allowing, appreciating, and honoring what is...which leads to growth and realization... we will find that we get what we need

"You can't always get what you want. You can't always get what you want. But if you try sometime,you'll find, you get what you need."

Hmm! Sometime to think about.

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 20, 2024) Expanding Your Persepctive Beyond Personal Preference. https://tou.org/talks/

Wisdom Has No Words

Knowledge can be conveyed but not wisdom. It can be found, it can be lived, it is possible to be carried by it, miracles can be perfomed with it, but it can not be expressed in words and taught.

Siddhartha, Herman Hesse (Amazon), page?

Perservering

 Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your small acts.  This is the secret of success. 

Swami Sivenanda

I have been consumed by a small act .  I have, months ago, started putting some books together related to what I was doing in my little job.  Though none of them are ready to send out yet, two are basically done and one is turning into a bigger project than I planned. I have in my mind how I want this book to go.  It is intended as a comprehensive guide to mastering English through phonemic awareness. My target readership is the Newcomers coming to this  country, those who are at present transitional or Fluent readers.  I noticed how many newcomers have a good grasp of site recognition through memorization when it comes to English but lack the phonetic component.  This makes spelling and writing challenging. I truly believe that phonemic awareness will break many of those langauge barriers down for them, making this major transition into the Canadian culture somewhat easier. So this book started coming out of me...partly to help them but also to help myself.  I learned, as an English speaker,  so much from my experience this year and from my writing. I learned how I could assit others in a tutor/teacher role as well. I wanted to have this thing I started in March done last week but I keep adding to it. Man, it turned into more than a small act. lol. Anyway, I will perserveer.  I have two people in mind that I will send the unpublished version to, before I decide if  or how I should publish it for the general public.  I believe it could be very helpful to them.  And it is my greatest intention...to be helpful. Success will be measured by how helpful this small thing I am working on will be helpful to others.  So I focus on that and keep working on it. I watch the world entropy and crumble around me as I do lol. 

All is well.

Untethering

It is about cutting the tethers that are holding you down, and you will naturally go up. 

Michael A. Singer

This came up after listening to this podcast. Sigh lol!

Snip the rope that keeps you tethered,

to  the drama you have found.

Release the heavy sand bags within 

that hold you to the ground.

Become the passive pilot of this vessel that 

lifts you up into the sky;

embrace the infinite space before you , 

give up gravity for the  high.

Watch the drama below you become 

a captivating dance,

and all those enemies and lovers

become nothing more than ants.  

All so called problems will shrink to nothing

the more you drift away

and you will see that where you were

was nothing but a play.

Untethered, free floating, rising

to the invisible and unseen

offers a state much freer than

 the prison  where you'd been. 

Release, release, release,

your resistance and your fear.

Let go, let go, let go

of all that holds you here.

©Dale-Lyn, June, 2024

Another ten minute pop out poem lol. Not meant to be perfect or even good...just written and read, Sigh! 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 17, 2024) Real Chnage- Growing Past Your Real Boundaries.https://tou.org/talks/

Deeply Connected

Kindness, compassion, and empathy are three terms reflecting how we are all deeply interconnected...Kindness sets the mind for being open and caring; empathy sets the mind for deep feeling, sharing, and understanding; and compassion primes the mind for connecting in feeling, thought, and action around suffering and its alleviation. 

Daniel Siegel ( Aware; 2018; tarcher pedigee; pages 103-104)

Welcoming the Blockages Up

 

Life is going to enfold around you...triggering your samskaras. Are you using your experiences in Life to get rid of your stuff or compensate for it?  Welcome Life when it hits your blockages.  Welcome the stuff that comes up. If you let go...samskaras will go. When we are pure and clean Life will be beautiful no matter what.

Paraphrased summary of the podcast below.

I had another experience during meditation today and it was not a mystical one.  I don't think any of my experiences are mystical. It was merely an intention.  I consciously set out to envision certain things. I sat down with the sankalpa (yogic intention) of welcoming and allowing the release of my biggest samskara...a deeply rooted shame. I know this one is going to take some time to release.  It is more entrenched than the others and bigger. I also agree with the samskara release being a FILO staking system as Singer desribes.  First in, last out.  This one is probably one of my earlier ones ( possibly comes from generations ago, now a part of my genetic make up). Yet I feel compelled...not to insist that it push its way up past the others, but to simply welcome it up when it is ready to come up.  It seems close. 

The day before yesterday I envisoned it as a malignant tumour (and that is basically what shame is) wrapped around the cells of my sushumna (the yogic pathway for shakti). I could see the long tenacles of it also wrapped around memories and other stuffed things, I could see it so clearly. Whitish yellow in appearance, slimy yet sleek. It reminded me of something I seen before in my life in a picture of a poisonous jelly fish or some type of octopus from way down in the ocean?? Weird. 

Anyway, today my intention was to start disentangling its tenacles from that which it was clinging to. I imagined what I was rescuing from its grip was myself in various stages of development...a two year old ( my grandsons' age), then a five or six year old, then a ten year old, a middle school student, a high school student, then a young university student making all kinds of mistakes, a young nurse making mistakes, an older nurse making mistakes, a wife, a mother, a nursing educator, a tutor, an imperfect friend and sibling etc...Each time I gently removed the tenacles soothing the beast that was holding onto these things with respect and compassion. Then, I took each so called "me" and just hugged them and said, "It is okay...all a part of being 'this human'. " When all was loose, I took this tumour which was now some kind of living creature and I hugged it, I thanked it, and stroked it  before taking  it the ocean to set it free. I watched as it floated off. Weird, I know but somehow what was needed.

This is what this morning's meditation turned into when I got to the part about observing any mental formations that wanted to come up.  Mostly, this visualization was consciously  intended and willed but another part of the experience just emerged. 

Now I know in yoga there is nothing "I" as a human person need to do to release samskaras except stop putting more in, then to allow and let go as each samskara emerges on its own...from the last in to the first in...but I focused on a selected samskara. I felt compelled to.  Why? Because I know this shame (even more than fear) is my biggest blockage. It is not only affecting my physical and emotional well being, it is blocking my spiritual growth which to me is nothing more than freedom from suffering and the release of Shakti so Sat Chit Ananda can flow better through me and into the world.  

Anyway, I am sharing all this because I know more than ever about the inter-connectedness of us all.  I know 'this human's" tiny experience of stored shame is shared by other humans, and posisbly by other beings in one form or another. I know that samskaras (stored and stuffed emotional energy associated with experiences that were resisted) prevents us from knowing who we are, what we truly want and need, and what is best for all. Blockages lead to desire and aversion and these are the source of human suffering. Purification of them is the solution. So, I share.  Not that I know anything or am anywhere near being enlightened.  I am, however, like many of you on this journey of ending suffering for myself and others. 

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer /Temple of the Universe (Sunday June 16, 2024) Learning to Live Without Resistance. https://tou.org/talks/

Befriending Body Sensations

Befriending the sensations of the body, in whatever areas that might be sending prominent signals at the moment, is an important part of interoceptive and internal bodily awareness. 

Daniel Siegel, Awareness, 2018, tarcher perigee, page 75

Notice, allow, respect, and honor all body sensations.  Calmly watch as they arise, as they peak, and as they subside. Can you do that?

I spent the night with body sensations that my mind wanted to label as "down right unpleasant". I am very familiar with this discomfort. I know how it works.  I know what the cause of it is.  And though I never know exactly how or when it will present or how long it will last, or to what degree of intensity it will be at when it does present...I know it pretty well. 

Last night I decided to include an unexpected bout of it into my practice. I "observed " the experience. When it came on, I automatically felt myself going into the habitual resistance mode, "Oh no! Not this now!". And I slowly pulled myself back.  I did my best to put away any farther resistance and to just allow it to be exactly what it is. I did my best to breathe and relax through every wave as I objectively observed as if from a distance. I noted that this bout started at ten Pm and was over at 2 am. It is hard for me to scale its intensity because, despite what people might believe, I have a high pain threshold. So let's just say in comparison to how bad it can get...it can sometimes knock me to the floor and have me praying for a quick end...it was about a 6 or7 on the 1-10 pain scale. And like most waves of "pain" each wave had a crest and a trough. It would come in, rise in intensity, peak, and then slowly subside. I did not judge it.  I kept reminding myself that "this human" was just having another life experience. "Wow! Isn't that cool?" I visualized what the body was doing and why it was doing that. I thanked the body for taking care of things. And I had great respect for the whole process. I patiently noted, accepted, respected, and honored the expereince "this human" was having....until it was over. I got though it! And it wasn't too bad at all. Pain is much easier to deal with without resistance let me tell ya.  Life is so much easier to deal with without resistance too.

Please note that I am not encouraging others deny pain.  Certainly learn to accept, relax and honor the experience but that doesn't mean to "ignore it or deny it!"  Pain is usually, if not always, an urgent messge from the body that something is up.  It is a way of catching our attention so we do something about it in cases where the body  cannot take care of the problem itself.  The body system will try to take care of it itself and the majority of time any interventions from us just gets in the way of its natural process of returning to homeostatsis. ...but sometimes we need to do something to assist it. So don't diminish your pain experience.  If you do not know what is causing your pain...find out! 

This experience  I had last evening has been something I have been living with for a long time.  I know what is happening in my body when this pain arises. So, that is why I can safely use it in my practice. Just want to make that clear. 

Still, it is always beneficial for us to learn to put away our judgement and resistance when we encounter experiences we tend to deem as "unpleasant".  Heed your body sensations...all of them... with observation, acceptance, respect, and honor.  Keep relaxing into what is even if it is painful.

All is well! 

Garbage Coming Up

 Cleansing is Spirituality.

Michael A. Singer 

What is Michael A. Singer saying as his closing mantra at the end of each podcast?  It sounds like Chakratif? Is that a word?  What does it mean?  I am curious.

Anyway, before I listened to this video I was down in my studio doing my morning meditation.  I have been inspired by reading Aware to resume my old practice of breath awareness, followed by sensory input awareness, followed by body awareness (inspired by the book....I focused on bones and muscles before proceeding to the inner organs housed in the pelvic cavity [I seem to have  a lot going on down there for some reason so I spent more than a few moments there], then up to the other organs of the body...GI system (observed the tightening in my gut), respiratory system, the heart (could hear and feel the mitral valve click/murmur so obviously), and finished with the brain. 

From the brain I put my attention on both the  area between the eyes...6th chakra and the heart 4th chakra. I began then to welcome any mental formations to come up that needed to come up.  There was, I noticed, a lot of gaps of thought  that seemed like big blocks of colour...I focused on these and I continued to welcome any thing that needed to be heard to come up. ...When a thought stream came in it was more like me reaching down and pulling it up. I explored it for a while, not getting caught up in the content, just knowing it was a thought with a general theme. I watched as it left and I returned to that big block of colour.  

This mental formation observation wasn't exactly passive today. It was more about me reaching down and gently pulling up a thought than it was about me dealing with the fast traffic of a monkey mind. If there was emotional energy around each thought I felt my belly tightening. I focused on that. I welcomed the thought, the feelings and emotions, experienced them and then watched the way they left.  Each thought/emotion/feeling seemed to come from from below my diaphragm, if that makes  sense, and it seemed to depart to the right of me? I would notice that knot in my belly as it came up (years of resistance conditioning). 

Finally, I finished with a loving kindness meditation before coming back and around . When I was finished with this, I practiced my usual Kriya yoga. An hour and a half passed and I literally thought it was only 15 minutes.

The point is, before I began this practice I set my sankalpa intention onr eleasing samskaras.  I have been feeling the turbulent energy of an old shame response beating against the door I have stuffed it inside.  It started when I left the little job I had on Wednesday. I am quite certain I will not be returning as others, more qualified, than me are interested. I was perfectly okay with that from the beginning. And as much I loved working with the kids and truly enjoyed the experience, I literally didn't feel any attachment or clinging. I am perfectly okay with whatever happens in the future. So, I couldn't understand why the energy started slapping against my insides as I was preparing to leave.  I was suddenly doubting everything I did and thought I knew. 

A lovely teacher I had the pleasure of working with handed me a nice plant in a teacher-inspired vase  as a farewell token and the slapping energy inside got even louder, I started hearing "this human"say, "You should have gotten her something, too.  What is wrong with you?"  Things around me seemed to get really chaotic.  I couldn't focus.  I found myself closing/ tightening up.  I didn't hug anyone and I didn't say goodbye to all.  I just left. 

It was a very odd feeling and I found myself  automatically going  through possible solutions in my mind that would diminish that feeling. "Maybe I didn't say goodbye right.  I will rectify that.  I will write emails, send cards, get all the work done so I can close the chapter.  Yeah! Yeah! That is why I am feeling this way.  I just need closure. I have to complete what I need to do.  And finish the books and send them off.  Then walk away and 'whatever damage you have done as you know you are prone to do' I won't have to face anymore.

WTF(front door)? What is that all about? 

I knew then what I was feeling was an activation of an old internal samskara. Stuffed and stored memories wrapped in the emotional energy of shame and unworthiness were emerging from some place deep, deep inside me. I knew this one well. It has been a part of my life for the longest time: This feeling of never being good enough to be included into a team, let alone "thanked" for what I do was making its way up and out, triggered by leaving this role. This energy encased belief that all I could do was harm, never help, was determined to come up. Though my conditioned tendency to push it all back down was also triggered, this time I knew that I had to let it come up. 

 I have been praised, thanked, gifted, rewarded, complimented for my teaching many, many times over the years and though I spent a great deal of energy and time seeking that compensation that I hoped would keep all that shame down, all I ended up doing was covering it with desire. Redeemer ego is no match for Shamer Ego.  Shamer Ego has been around a lot longer than Redeemer and it never felt worthy of any external validation for my worth. Sigh. Covering shame up was not the answer. Letting it come up and out, once and for all, was.  

So, this morning, I began my practice with this sankalpa: may I be cleansed of my most prevalent samskara. Automatically, when I closed my eyes, I could visualize this shame as a large cancerous tumour, with long limbs extended outward wrapping around so many cells of my sushumna...blocking the flow of that light inside me. It was such a clear visualization. I had to ask: How do I disentangle that from my insides? This tumour is so big and there are so many limbs that all seem to be wrapped so tightly  around things that want to come up and it also appears to be so attached to the the tissue of the sushumna itself. I noticed though that the majority of the tumour was fairly close to the surface...like in the throat. It was time for it to make its way out! I had to trust that it would do so. I proceeded with my meditation or mindfulness practice (I don't care what you call it lol) as above. 

I finished my practice and came up here to listen to Thursday's podcast.  I wanted to spend yesterday's practice  re-listening to Monday's podcast as I have been so focused on my little job,  finishing my books, and watching my granson that I didn't get it all. This morning's was Thursday's.  What was it on? Purification of Samskaras. 

This is what I got from that podcast mostly in paraphrased form:

Spiritual techniques are there to help us rise above our personal selves, to transfer our consciousness off the mess inside that we are concentrating on.

Our natural state is not to get what we want and avoid what we fear. It is complete well being.

The ultimate spiritual question is: "If that is my natural state, why don't I experience it? Why am I not experiencing pure joy and love all the time?"

Resistance to what is, suppression and repression are the cause of all our suffering.

You in there who didn't want to expereince this or that pushed whatever it was way down. You shoved contrary energy you couldn't handle on top of your natural energy flow.

We resisted what life has handed us.

"You can't have every experience but please have the experience that was handed you."

We can be healthy inside- experience sat chit ananda- once we transcend the garbage.

It is better to work on being able to handle life than it is to attempt to manipulate life into becoming something we can handle.

"When you start handling the daily stuff, the old stuff is going to start coming up all by itself. And you are going to find out you can handle it. It starts to pull you down and you say, "I am not going to give up the joy that is underneath ." You welcome it [all the garbage] up. Everytime it comes up it gets higher underneath.

That is where I am at in my practice...willingly welcoming all the garbage up.  It isn't pleasant and rather smelly but it is where I want to be. I am going to trust that all this old stuff is coming up on its own exactly the way it needs to.

All is well

Daniel Siegal ( 2018) Aware. tarcherperigee

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (June 13, 2024) Real Spirituality: Committment to Perpetual Purification. https://tou.org/talks/

Turning Our Attention Inward

 

Rather than being swept up into what you think should be happening, you can learn the skill of being present for what is. 

Daniel J. Siegel, page 57 

Hmm! I love it when things I am pondering at the deepest level correlate with things I am reading or learning from others.  It is like validation for what I am realizing and that is why certain teachings resonate with me...they validate what is coming up from inside.  That is pretty cool.

It is like Michael Singer is right there with every new realization that emerges from within me, in a way that is almost uncanny.  And now, lo and behold, I had a similar experience when I was reading Aware by Daniel Siegel. This morning all three things (Singer's teaching, Siegel's teachings, and my own realizations) came together in another one of those "aha!" moments.

I was hard on Seigel.  Though it is true that I wish he would give more credit to the specific "wisdom traditions" he is loosely addressing in his book, and though I see the Wheel as just a fancy rewording of the Buddha's teachings on mindfulness and nothing new at all, there were some things that made me go "Oh yeah!" as I read. He does  seem to be  able to teach about awareness in a way that resonates with me. I do love the "scientific approach" to it.  I love that he is able to give the ancient wisdom some scientific validation. I love that he is approaching consciousness as a psychiatrist, an academic (he is a professor at UCLA) and as a scientist (he is involved in research and work in the field of neurobiology). And I think if I didn't already have a basic understanding of awareness and consciousness that I gained from the wisdom traditions, and if I didn't have as much reverence as I do for the original teachings, I probably would appreciate this book and its writing so much more. 

For those coming to understand awareness for the first time, and for those associating the traditional wisdom of "spirituality" with woo-woo, however,...this book could be very useful! It could eliminate the biases that can block people from understanding and practicing  mindfulness. Maybe that is why he refrains from specifically giving credit to the traditions he is getting his information from? He wants to eliminate the barrier of bias that comes with preconceived ideas and assumptions? It is challenging, I imagine, for a physician, an academic and a scientist to talk about the non-material without losing credit in their professional  community. 

Regardless, some of the things I read in the last few days correlated serendiptously with what Singer was sharing in his recent podcasts and with the meditation realizations I had of seeing myself as "This human!"

I have been practicing mindfulness and meditation for decades, though I only became a mindfulness and meditation teacher a few years ago.  Though I respect the ancient wisdom traditions immensely, "this human", when it decided it wanted certification, had to take a course that was taught by psychology professors. Why?  It needed that credibility , that scientific validity because  there is still a bit of  bias left within it, a barrier against the woo-woo. 

As Seigle writes about the methodology of mindfulness training and the benefits of a well trained mind in one's daily life, I realize he is right on the mark. I have been practicing exactly the way he encourages the reader to practice.  These steps were taught to me by many Buddhist teachers.  They are, in fact, the means by which the Buddha taught his disciples: Begin with putting attention on the breath, then on sensory input, then on inner body sensations, then on mental formations: thoughts, feelings, images etc, and then add an element of compassionate thought for others, self, all beings (loving kindness meditation/ Tonglen). Then in my yogic teachings I have been taught to expand this intention of compassion into a sankalpa. Yoga also taught me to expand my focus to that which exists beyond all these formations (Seigel refers to it as bending the needle of attention back toward the hub) by  asking "Who am I? Who is this being that is objectively observing all these things?" etc

This methodology is not new and these teachings are not his invention, but he does word it in a way that gives it credibility and sustenance.  And I love that a scientist, an academic, a psychiatrist that studies and treats the neurobiology of the brain is taking mind out of the encapsulation of  skull in the individual! So he has my attention. 

Who we are is bigger than the body and broader than the brain. page 82

I also love how he describes all the phenomena we encounter inside and outside these bodies as "energy and information flow."   Singer does the same in his own words

So the other day I seperated the Witness, the Objective Observer, the Self from the human living out a drama of "little me" in my mindfulness practice. I found myself in the Seat of Self watching this human sense, feel, think, and have compassion. 

Singer suggests that our  spiritual practice, which is more about what happens off the cushion than it is about what happens on it, is all about learning to stay in the Seat of Self without getting pulled away from it. He tells us we are too often distracted and pulled out of the seat or we willingly leave/close to follow the dramas of a "little  me" when it asks for our attention.

 Seigel teaches the same. He says this "spoke" of attention, when it is focused on the rim stuff, keeps us from the Self in the hub. He tells us this spoke can be pulled involuntarily by Life or we can learn to consciously move it from one thing on the rim to another.  The rim just pertains to that which houses the  formations or skandhas we often get lost in: sensory input, bodily sensations, mental activities and our relationships to other beings and the world. And of course, I am realizing this directly as I examine my own mind as it reacts and responds to Life both when  I am on the cushion and mostly when I am off it.

Will continue to correlate and expand as I read more.

All is well.

Daniel Sieger ( 2018) Aware. tarcherperigree.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 10, 2024) Rising Above Likes and Dislikes. https://tou.org/talks/

Are You Awake?

 No single event can awaken a stranger within us totally unknown to us. To live is to be born slowly. It would be a bit too easy if we could go about borrowing ready made souls. 

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I answered this question the otherday on video.  Are you awakened? Of course the answer was no. I am enjoying this slow process of being born though. What about you?

All is well!

This Human

 That is the key- that is the answer-to be the witness for whatever is happening within you or around you. 

Eckhart Tolle

I was thinking after my meditation practice this morning what it would be like to call this mind and body, this entity I call "me", "this human". What if  instead of using, "I, me, my, or mine" I simply said "This human is feeling, thinking, experiencing this and that....Look at what this human is dealing with...look at how this human is reacting to this and that. So this is what life feels like through this human body and mind." As long as I didn't say it out loud in front of anyone with a psychiatric background lol, it may make a positive difference in my life...ooops...in this human I call me's life. 

Really...I am...you are...we are...at the deepest level beyond all our reactivity and our drama, beyond all our beliefs and our ideologies, beyond what the body is doing or not doing, and beyond all that is happening out there... awareness, are we not?  We are that which is observing and watching "this human" and what is unfolding in front of it, aren't we?  We are not the internal and external "dramas" it is experiencing. We are not that which we are so obsessively focusing on...we are that which is focusing. "This human" and its experience, is simply caught in the light of our focus...so much so we have come to believe that what we are looking at with all its problems and quirks is what we are. 

When we pull back a bit we realize we are not that which we are looking at and have identified with. We are not "this human". We may be "in" this human...if we dare to use the dualistic terminology of in and out...but that is it.  This human form and mind is definitely an important part of our experience here.  It is like our space suit allowing us to navigate around this planet. We need to honor, respect, and care for it.  How would we function without it here?  But we are not it. 

As we become more and more aware...more aware we are awareness...we see that distinction between it and who we are. (As we  go even farther on this journey...we will eventually realize there is no distinction between anything...but for now...stepping back and away from the human identification is helpful.) The being in "this human" is starting to shine through. It is quite amazing.

All is well. 

Not the thing but the think

 People think they have a problem but the problem is not the thing but the think!

The only place where a problem exists is in the personal mind. We know that, right? We think up and create our problems. 

I thought about my own evolution so far away from the doings of the personal mind. It has been a very imperfect, rough and bumpy journey so far.  I keep sliding back from one stage of mental evolution to the next...but...but I keep practicing. 

Each stage can be viewed in context to how the mind speaks to the heart.

Very Early Stage

 The very unevolved and self trampling mind during times of conditoned negative reactivity when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming up to the surface as they are inclined to do in order to release themselves: 

"Oh there you go again heart. Making a mess of things. What is wrong with you anyway? Why are you so bothered by getting what you deserve from life. Suck it up!! Man, no wonder these things keep happening to us. You are always in the way of me doing my job. There is something really wrong with you, you know?  I am trying to hide your defects from the world but you keep messing my efforst up.  Man, I am sick of you! Just let me be in charge!"

Beginning to Evolve Stage

The Unevolved but compassionate Mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface as they are inclined to do in order to release themsleves: 

"Oh poor sister heart.  You are not feeling so well, are you? That nasty stuff is coming up again.  Let me see what I can do to fix it. I will do what I can to push it back down so you do not have to feel it.    I will also look out there for something that will make you feel better.  I will try changing this, getting that, avoiding this...and if that doesn't work we will try something else. We will keep trying to find a way to make you feel better. Don't worry I am here for you!"

Evolving Stage

The evolving mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface like they are inclined to do in order to be released.:

" Oh my dear sister heart. It's happening again. How wonderful. I know it is painful but we can do this. It is a practice remember.  We do not have to do it perfectly.  We just have to try to stay open. We are blessed with another chance at practicing doing it right, of letting it all go.  I am so sorry for what I have done in the past to you, for the way I treated you, and for stuffing all that stuff on top of you but I was lost and confused in my wanting to help.  I know better now.  I know to stay out of the way when this stuff gets triggered and comes up. Let's breathe together, let's relax and chant, ' We are going to handle what ever happens today'.  We may not do it perfectly but we are standing together and using this moment to practice letting go. We got this!"

The Final Stage

The fully evolved mind during times of conditioned negative reactivity tendency, when things "out there" go wrong or things "in here" start coming to the surface like they are inclined to do in order to be released. : 

"Joy, joy, joy.  Bliss, bliss, bliss sister. Isn't this experience amazing?"

Consciousness in the background where it always was observing:

"Well this human finally did it. They allowed the mess they made to get cleaned up. They got out of their own way so Self as Life could shine through. They have transmuted suffering for that which all is: Joy, love, peace, and bliss. Alleluia for Our freedom. "

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 9, 2024) Personal Mind: The Root of the Problem. https://tou.org/talks/

Aware?

 

Where attention goes, neural firing flows, and neural connection grows. 

Daniel Siegel, page 19

I do like those words above.

I am reading Aware by Daniel J. Siegel and to be honest I am having a bit of a time with it. I am struggling to intrepret what he means as he writes. He created some thing called The Wheel of Awareness which is actually named up to six times on every page...as if the writer is trying to create some power of suggestion. To me this wheel is just the Buddha's teachings of right mindfulness and concentration (two of the rights in the eightfold path) slapped into a circle and reworded in a way that triggers me to feel a little "stupider" than the author. (I had to keep going back and asking...what exactly is he saying here about things I thought I  already knew about like objective Observer, awareness, sensory experience, attention and concentration etc)...I am trying to link what I know about the ancient wisdom with what he is claiming to be his novel ideas as I read. His teaching tools are being marketed as a "ground breaking meditation practice" but  in truth, what he is sharing has been around for a lot longer than Seigel ever was. It leaves me a little confused.  I am looking for the novelty and uniqueness in what he is teaching, what he is claiming to be his..." a tool I've developed over many years". Maybe if he referred to what he is sharing as ancient wisdom that has been around for eons, rather than his discovery, I would feel better about what I am reading. I do not think I have heard him mention "The Buddha" once and to me that feels like plagerism...like he is claiming The Buddha's intellectual property, as his own. He does mention that "other cultures" teach some of what he is teaching....but so far, I see that all of what he is teaching comes from other ancient cultural teachings.  

Now, I know he is trying to promote a scientific approach to meditation ...which is great...but one cannot deny the real ground breaking work that has already been done by the rishis and the Buddhas of this world.  They were scientists in the truest sense of the word...spending every day in the laboratory of the mind and soul. They did the real work. They discovered and created the real tools related to consciousness he seems to be claiming as his own.

I may be a little harsh here.  Maybe, I am missing something and misconstruing this author's intentions.  I am going to try to step back from my judgements  and this gnawing feeling in my gut that I get when I read certain things where the intention does not seem as pure as I would like it to be.  It is not the author or the book I am having a problem with...it is my reactivity to it that is causing the problem. In all fairness to the author, whom I do not know and who may actually have nothing but the purest of intentions, I need to read the whole book before making a decision of its value. I need to read the whole book prior to recommending it or putting it in my personal library, as well.  

I am going to finish reading it.  And I will get back to you.

All is well. 

Daniel J. Siegel ( 2018) Aware.  Tarcher Perigree

The Human and the I am

 Your human is a child but you are a great being! 

Michael Singer

I had an experience this morning.  I woke up in physical discomfort...the pain actually woke me up-  and with this sense of self pity I had not felt in a long time. I was reminded last evening, after watching a show about the ER, of my health seeking experiences. And when the pain was there upon awakening it just triggered a lot of that stuff to come up to the surface.  I was also reminded yesterday that I may not be as important as I thought I was in a particular team. My redeemer ego was on a rampage  for months in an attempt to build this "me" up into something it wasn't. Of course, I know it could never be what it thought I should be to others but you know how self pity goes...it just digs up every reason it can to justify itself.   So, that was on my mind this morning as well. 

I knew what I was experiencing was all ego and so irrevelant but ego can be nasty.  It stepped  up to chastise me for my self pity and for giving into the pain. Hmm!

I suddenly had a feeling then that the self pity, the pain, and the self recrimination had a purpose beyond the obvious. It was all just a tapping on the inside of the closet door.  Some old stuff wanted to come out

 Don't judge self-pity too harshly. 

Self pity is not something we have to stay in.  It isn't a seed we want to water and grow...but when its grown in the mind already, instead of beating ourselves up for letting it grow...we can simply see that is there for a reason.  It is a superficial emotion that can open us up to something deeper, that can open the door and take us back to the stored stuff. We do not need to revel and roll around in that old garbage i as the ego wants us to do...but it can help us to keep the door open long enough for the stuff that needs to come out, to come out. Self pity can start a cleansing process.

So, I went down to my studio this morning for my morning meditation practice and I allowed the self pity and the physical pain. I listened to the knocking...I opened the door and I allowed something to come out as I observed this human being human.  It did in big salty tears.  Nothing dramatic...just cleansing. 

I need to, we all need to, stop beating ourselves up when we catch ourrselves in self pity.  We do not want to get lost in painting ourselves as a victims and others as victimizers, as the ego searches for jusitification for itself...but we do want to notice it, and observe what the mind is doing. Try not to judge the self pity or the person experiencing it.  It is there for a reason.  

For whatever reason, I have had a lot of painful experiences  in my life as a human being and I stored an awful lot inside. I have been conditioned to believe that I am doing  something wrong  when I give in to physical pain or negative emotions like self pity, when I allow them into my conscious awareness, when I just don't shake them off like I have been taught to do.  The shaking it off, the grasping and the aversion...is what filled my closet with so much junk in the first place. 

I want all this stuff out of me.  I want all the stuff I stored out of the way.  

Anyway, as I was meditating I heard myself saying, 

"Wow! This human me is having a hard time with what it had and is experiencing. It has been through a lot!"

I felt compassion and empathy for this human in a way I never did before. Self pity transmuted into loving kindness. 

Then I heard myself: "I" , the observer, was seperate from the human having the experience. The "I" wasn't experiencing it. The "I" wasn't harmed by it. It was simply watching the human experiencing it. 

I realized that I am not this human. I am in this human, here to experience whatever I can for a certain period of time through this physical and mental form. This human body and mind isn't who I am ...it is just a sensory space suit that I get to wear. This human's  experience was tough, made tougher by its collection of learned experiences, its reactivity and resistance, its grasping and clinging. Now it is tired and sad, full of stored stuff in the way of it experiencing what I am. Hmm! The last thing I need to do is chastise it, shame it further, or beat it up for being what it is...human.

That realization kind of floored me as I sat there. I seemed to see things so clearly.

Anyway, that was the experience I wanted to share with you.  It reminded me of what Michael Singer said a few days ago.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( June 3, 2024) Levels of Working with Your Energy. https://tou.org/talks/

Nice in there? Open the Door and Find Out.

It is really nice in there.

Nice in where?

Inside you. 

Huh?

Do you believe what the ancient rishis, those  who spent most of their lives looking inward, taught...that it is really nice inside us? 

It certainly doesn't always seem nice out there does it? So why would it be nice, in here? And at the level we dare to look at inside us, it doesn't feel so good, does it?  The level we stop at in our sporadic inner reflections is usually very uncomfortable.  We stop at the crowded part of the closet when we even dare to peek at what is inside us.  Everything is piled up in there at that level. When we open the door to glance inside (or to throw something else in there) everything comes spilling out on top of us. Not fun!  We then in a panic begin kicking all the stuff back in so we can slam the door on it again.  We want to keep that door shut.

We prefer the closed door, so much so  we decorate it with whatever we can find out there to make it as appealing as possible. The outside of the door is what we let others see. It becomes who we think we are. Every now and again something lovely from inside seeps out from the cracks and we feel good...thinking it is the nicely decorated door and everything out here that is making us feel good.  But it isn't. 

Inside, behind all that crammed stuff that keeps coming up and out is a beautiful energy system called Chit Shakti....and it wants nothing more than to come into our conscious awareness and be our daily experience.  It is joy, bliss, peace, love.  It is beautiful.  

Why don't we feel it?  

We do not feel it because we have a pile of stored junk in the way...our samskaras: emotional energy and resistance that we did not process through. It is blocking this energy that is meant to flow, creating a turbulent pile of mixed up clutter and swirling energy ( emotional disturbance). So when we open the door, for whatver reason, that is all we see and feel...the chaotic disturbance of our stored junk. Who wants to look at that?  Who wants to feel that? 

It is easier to look at the back of the closed door, painting and decorating  it to our liking. Hmm!

Do you want to learn what the rishis learned? That it is actually nice in here? 

Open the door that is in the way. Let that stuff in your piles come out.  You see there is an energy behind the mess you made...a bright light that cannot be contained by any closet walls. This energy is meant to flow forward (up) and it will. It will push against your blockages ...pushing them  towards and against the closet door. The energy behind it will push it all out...if...if you open the door.  The energy behind will make its way through, clearing all the stuff away that is in its way..if...if you don't close the door on it.  It will clean out the closet for you...if, if you let it.  But the door has to be open.  You have to get out of the way.

It's scary, I know. It won't be nice having all this stored stuff landing on you.  Most of it was stored in pain so it will come out in pain.You don't don't have to worry, though,  about being buried alive underneath it.  It will only come out bit by bit, naturally, without any effort from you...if, if you keep the door open and let it. And, of course, if you don't put more stuff in on top of it. 

The energy behind it just wants to be free. That's all. It just wants you to experience it...or...I should say... it wants to experience itself through you. Let it.

What about the pretty door I put so much time and effort into decorating and painting? 

It's just a door. It is just something in the way. Whether you know it or not, what you truly want is inside you. What is inside is much nicer  than your door or what is on this side of it could ever be. 

Open the door and keep it open so you can find out for yourself. 

 

All is well.

 

Transmute

 

You took birth to do this...to go back to God.

Michael Singer

Transmutation  goes beyond supressing, bypassing and rising above according to Singer. Science and spirituality are both looking for truth and underneath everything they are finding the very same thing...energy. There is only one force in the world and that is Chit Shakti= conscious energy.

The enegy is messed up  inside becaue we messed up it...we stored things inside that blocked it. The mind is naturally clear and pure...we just created a messy, dirty veil over it. Our goal is to clean up and get back to pure mind. 

In order to do that we need to get past the self concept we created. The only self concept we need, Singer tells us, is one that says "I want this stuff out of me!" That become sour goal then...to stop bocking the natural flow of this stuff out of us.  Ths is transmutation or purificaton in yoga. 

A mantra we can repeat to oursekves often is 

I am not a human being. I am a spiritual experience. 

Wow! When will we really get that:

Every energy inside ypu is shakti but you messed it up. If you let go it will go back to God.  Transmutation is the natural thing that will take plac if you keep your hands to yourself.

All is well!

 

Michael A. Singer (June 3, 2024) Levels of Working with Your Energy. https://tou.org/talks/

Underneath It All

Science and spirituality are both looking for truth, and underneath everything they are finding the very same thing...energy. 

Michael A. Singer

Work

 Then we shall find the secret. "He who finds in the midst of intense activity the greatest rest, and in the midst of the greatest rest intense activity, he has become a yogi  (The Gita IV.18 from Vivekananda)

I erronously believe at times that I should work to serve others.  When I do it becomes work, labour, effort instead of effortless action. I become attached to the fruits of my labour rather than just enjoying the process. I feel it is my duty and my responsibility to "fix" my children...or at least to die trying.  I feel it is my obligation to serve and put great effort into those beings in my community who are in need. I put much more time and effort into a ten hour a week job than the average person would.  Why? I erronously beleive it is my spiritual mission to serve. 

Huh? How grandiose does that sound? 

It is not others I am to serve...It is God. It is that Life energy beneath everything that I am to serve...not forms, not egos (mine or others). It is this moment that I am to serve...by truly noticing it, allowing it, appreciating it,  honoring it, and worshipping it!  Not this idea of service. 

It is blasphemy to think that you can help anyone. First root out this idea of helping, and then go to worship.

Say what, crazy lady? 

I need to learn to worship this Life I have been given and the Source of the gift. Someone recently said to me when I was rambling on about how tiring and heart breaking it is to attempt to help others who just do not seem to want to be heped.  About how I was draining my own life energy in an attempt to infuse others with some, "Yeah", she said. "...but this is your Life too." It was like OMG!  It hit me like a ton of bricks. It isn't God's intention for me to suffer through Life as a martyr. I am supposed to experience this Life too, not just help others experience it better. I am not serving God when I am burnt out and tired and sick all the time. I serve God when I am open to the joy already within me. I serve  God when the love, joy, creativity, passion flows freely through me. When I provide service in the physical form I need to see beyond the physical form in me and in the other to the God essence in all...that is what I serve.  That is what I worship! 

Mother Teresa served selflessly but she did so worshipping that which she was serving.

I know I am touching the living body of Christ in the broken bodies of the hungry and the suffering.

We become yogis when our work becomes an effortless worship of all that is. 

I, in March, began writing three little books or learning packages (I guess what we call them is not important) related to this little job I have taken on in an attempt to create something that would be of service to others.  (It would also, I caught myself assuming, be of service to "me", feeding an ego that wanted to be redeemed.) At first it was an effortless action...full of inspiration and creativity. Totally inspired and selfless.  Than it became a bit of a chore as I got more and more attached. It became more about "me" than the other.  In my rush, I just wanted to get them done so I could "show" them to someone before I left this little job...as if to say, "See what I did while I was here! Wasn't my service valauble and selfless?" Man...that is actually the thought running through my mind. How selfless is that? 

Of course, when the free flowing creative expression became effort and work; when the detachment to the fruits of action became attachment...I "lost that serving feeling...now it's gone, gone, gone. oh...oh.oh...oh..oh..oh"  

I stopped worshipping  the essence behind what I was doing and started worshipping the ego with its grandiose assumptions that it was "me" doing the serving. In writing, more than in any other type of service I might do, there should never be a me...I have to get out of the way to let the ink just run through me.  I am just a conduit for an amazing energy to pour through. That process itself is magical and deserves to be worshipped.  It is amazing, just to be a part of it.

But oh no...I too often step in to control it under the guise of "service to others". When "me" steps in, it gets in the way and it  damns up the flow.  I then have to twist and squeeze the writing out of me. The finished product doesn't serve in the way it could have if I staid out of it. 

When we stay unattached to what we do as work, when we use every moment that unfolds in front of us as an opportunity to worship God, to worship Life...an amazing thing happens...

Then work is no more slavery. It becomes a play, and a joy itself. Work! Be unattached! That is the whole secret. 

Hmmm! I thought I had that lesson well learned in my my mind lol. I guess, I slipped again. No problem...I will just get back to it.  I will work at being free by honoring and worshipping every moment...even in those moments when I slip. My work will become my play and my joy.

All is well. 

Swami Vivekananda ( n.d.) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. Volumes 1-8. 1.4 Lectures and Discourses. Kindle Edition

Purifying Outside the Cave

 How to attain purity living this life? Shall we all go to the forest caves? What good would it do? If the mind is not under control, it is no use living in a cave because the same mind will bring all the disturbances. We will find twenty devils in the cave because all the devils are in the mind. If the mind is under control, we can have the cave anywhere, wherever we are. Vivekananda

This is what Yoga teaches- the greatest goal is purity. With purity we stay open to Life because we are cleansed of all the samskara blockages that we closed to protect. This is what Michael Singer  teaches. He often says that he won't teach people to meditate, won't  recommend renouncing all our worldly possessions and running off to caves in order to gain purity. 

Why? Because the real work occurs in everyday life. Life circumstance provides the greatest teachings about what is really important. Singer calls it "learning not to close" and Vivekanada  in these passages, (as well as  other yogis), refer to it as staying detached. 

Yoga stresses that it isn't the world doing anything right or wrong...it is our mental reactivity that causes our suffering.  Why do we have such grand mental reactivity?  We have stuffed and stored our attachments.

It is our own mental attitude which makes the world what it is for us.  Our thoughts make things beautiful, our thoughts make things ugly.

We close to Life with our mental reactivity, our judgements and assumptions as to how it should be for "us". Singer tells us we need to learn to stop closing. Vivekananda and Yoga teach us we need to stay detached.  There is a way to do that.  

Learn to see things in the proper light. First, believe in this world-that there is meaning behind everything. Everything in the world is good, is holy and beautiful.  If you see something evil, think that you are not understanding it in the right light. Throw the burden on yourselves!

We are reminded that our stuffing and closing to the beauty and mystery which is Life is our doing.  The burden is on us. Instead of opening to the "real" within us, we are attaching to the unreal out there, and expecting that to make us feel okay inside. It can't!

Attachment to the unreal will bring misery. There is only one Existence that is real, only one Life in which there is neither object nor subject...

When we learn to stop closing to this Existence.  When we learn to stop attaching to that which is not real...we will stop closing and opening based on what is happening out there. We will then allow the samskaras to come up and out...we will be purified and we will understand the mystery of Life.  That is true spirituality. 

When we come to that non-attachment, then we can understand the marvellous mystery of the universe; how it is intense activity and vibration, and at the same time intensest peace and calm; how it is work every moment and rest every moment. That is the mystery of the universe-the impersonal and personal in one, the infinite and finite n one. 

Hmmm! All is well in my life...all is well in Life! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( May 2, 2024) True Happiness-Staying Open to Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Vivekanada ( n.d.) The Complete works of Swami Vivekananda . Volumes 1-8. 1.4 Lectures and discourses, page 220-221. Kindle Edition

Calling on the Something Greater Beneath

 A substratum of peace lies underneath the grief [or reaction to world and circumstance]...I don't call it happiness but something greater than that...

Eckhart Tolle

This "something greater," this "perfection" Vivekananda wrote about as I recorded in the previous entry was also written about  in Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse.  Just as Siddhartha wrapped in despair and hopelessness, completely weary of the ways of the world, was about to take his own life by falling into the river that would later save him...this perfection, this essence, this substratum of peace reached out and spoke to him. 

Then out of remote areas of his soul, out of past times of his now weary life, a sound stirred up. It was a word, a syllable, which he withoout thinking, with a slurred voice, spoke to himself, the old word which is the beginning and the end of all prayers of the Brahmans, the holy "Om", which roughly means "that what is perfect"or "the completion". And in that moment when the sound of  "Om" touched Sdiddhartha's ear, his dormant spirit woke up and realized the foolishness of his actions...

Another sample of serendipity though it will likley not appear that way to anyone but me.

Today when I was meditating ( before I was reminded of the quote above), being the very imperfect meditator that I am, decided to focus on "om".  I feel sometimes as if the years of suffering have caught up with me, like they did with Siddhartha, I too have the experience of a "weary life" quite a bit lately. Psychologists might call this experience "languishing" rather than "flourishing".  Though, I am nowhere near  the point where I want to end my life, as Siddhartha was at, I am weary at times of being so acutely aware of the suffering of other beings. It can sometimes be overwhelming. That is why I practice.

 Every morning I go down to my studio, pop a squat on a yoga cushion, pick up my mala, and I "meditate." Like I said, I am not a great meditator, nor do I have any intentions of being one. My goal is not to reach nirvana or enlightenment during those sessions.  My goal is to simply disconnect from the suffering or at least distance myself from it for a few moments a day.  

My mind is constantly active during my practice. I am okay with that. It isn't my goal during meditation to reach any great state.  I do not attempt to stop the thinking or resist it...I just label it as "thinking" and watch it as it floats off....if it floats off.   I watch myself thinking too. I allow what ever is to be. Without resistance, the mind will often slow down on its own. I do find peace. 

Anyway, I realized that I, as this form and personality,   may never be able to reach that "perfection", that "essence" that " absolute peace" through my practice.  I am fully aware there is a substratum of peace there...I am.  I am also aware that is buried under layers and layers of samskaras and personal identity. My form, and mind may never be evolved enough to dig through these layers in order to dismantle "me". I decided, then, to simply ask this spirit to wake up, do the cutting through the veil and reach "me" instead. Well, not "me" but who I really am so that I am aware, so that most barriers are removed. I was told that "om" would do that. So that is how I meditated this morning. I was asking the "om" to cut its way through all the layers mind created.

Then, today, after listening to Tolle, I was inspired to open up Siddhartha and find something that related to what he said in the above quote. I found that passage above and realized how much it also related to my practice this morning. Go figure!

Sigh! Maybe something is cutting through after all.

All is well.

Herma Hesse ( 1922) Siddhartha. Amazon.

Eckhart Tolle ( May, 2024) Eckhart Tolle on Transforming Suffering Into Awakening.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2bbqFwKtYE

Yesterday's post.