Should Be and Shouldn't Be

 The universe unfolding in front of you should not be the way you want it to be.  It should be the way it is.

Michael Singer

I often tell others that I believe one of the most toxic words in our English language is the word " should". When we say a thing, an event, another person  "should or should not be"  a certain way we are resisting what is. We are stepping up to Life and saying..."I don't accept what you are doing and "I" know more than you.  I know what should or shouldn't be happening here, back off and let me take over." 

Should and Shouldn't Be

Michael Singer, in the video linked below, reminds us that  the Universe has been happening , growing, expanding, being for over 13.8 billion years, long, long,long before we, in these temporary forms  plopped down here.  Many, many natural forces, we could not even begin to understand, have been working together to form that which is unfolding in front of us right now. What we are looking out upon in this moment -be it a beautiful sunset or an image of our bank account, now in the red-is just a very impersonal result of billions of causes and billions of effects.  It really has nothing to do with us. How and why it is there, showing up in front of us, is really none of our business.   We just have the very honored but often unappreciated opportunity to observe the unfolding universe in action.  Whatever is in front of us is one of an infinite amount of possibilities and we get to observe and participate in it.  Wow!  That is something that should fill us with awe, gratitude and reverence. But it doesn't, does it?

I look at my bank account and I get a boulder sized knot in my gut. I don't appreciate what I am seeing.  I fail to appreciate the billions of events that have evolved to lead to this moment. My moment just seems "wrong", Life seems "bad" and this present unfolding seems  like it "shouldn't be." Why?  Because my image of a separate, personalized self  doesn't like it. It does not like this reality and it wants something different.  It wants the situation, the moment, the universe to be different than what it is. So I tighten up in resistance.  I walk up to life wagging my finger and say, " This shouldn't be!" and I begin to tell it what "should be" .  Me, in this little clump of flesh that will only be around for less than 100 years, that knows absolutely nothing about anything, is going to tell the intelligent, wise, 13.8 billion year old universe that creates every speck of dust on this planet, every being, every non-being, that works in perfect balance and harmony with all the ancient invisible forces around me...what it "should be" in order to accommodate my desires in this point of my puny existence. Do you see something wrong with that? 

Reality not behaving? 

We often see problems where there are no problems. We see problems when reality won't behave:   When what we want to happen isn't happening ; when what we don't want is happening; when what we want to happen in the future might not happen or when what we don't want to happen in the future might  happen.  We even have an issue when what we wanted to happen, didn't happen and when what we did not want to happen , happened.  Man, it is crazy to put all that energy and effort in that way  we do to change the present and future so it accommodates our petty desires,  but to put energy and effort into resisting the past is even crazier, isn't it?  We cannot go back and change the past. Yet there we are, wagging our fingers in Life's face saying, "You shouldn't have done that or you should have done that!" and we won't let it go!

Life is not the problem...how we relate to it is. 

The Buddha's second noble truth taught that the cause for all suffering is "desire".  What is desire?  According to Michael Singer, desire is simply the making up in our mind of the way we want reality to be. "I want it to go like this, be like this, do this...if it does I will be happy and Life will be good." If it goes the way. we tell ourselves it should go.....great...we are happy and we have a great "controlling" relationship with Life ( for the moment, it lasts, that is).  If it doesn't go that way, we have a very resentful relationship with Life. With desire as our motivator, we set out to "fix", control, manipulate Life so it goes our way...because we determine it was "wrong" and that we know better. 

 And all Life was and is ever  doing is doing what Life does.  Life knows what it is doing and where it is going.  We, on the other hand, don't know and we have to accept that fact.  Life/ the universe, God is wiser than us and we would be much better off relaxing into its process than trying to control that which we cannot control!

Most of us face each morning wondering what we can do to make the day  go our way. Imagine waking up in the morning, looking out upon the world and saying, This is the day the Lord hath made. Rejoice in it and be glad. Psalm 118:24

Ride the Wave

Those who flow as Life flows know they need no other force.Lao Tzu

What would happen, I wonder, if we did as Singer and many of the wise sages suggest,  and stopped "desiring"....  If we stopped stepping in the way of our Life experiences with our wagging fingers and our "want and don't want" demands and instead  relaxed into the unfolding  event that shows up in front of us each moment? Would we learn to appreciate and be in awe of whatever happens, whatever shows up even if  it is  what old, conditioned  mind might have previously judged as " bad, wrong, shouldn't be"?  Could we learn to look at our so called problems, like financial difficulty, in the same way we look at a sunset? Could we learn to accept it all just as it is?  Could we revere and trust Life enough  to put away our personal agendas, so we can flow with it instead of against it...letting her do the doing while we just rest in the  flow?  Instead of awing about Life ...can we learn to be in awe of Life, every moment?  

I don't know but it would be pretty cool if we could. I am willing to do my best to at least try this other way.  What about you? 

All is well!

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True (April 2, 2022) From Fighting to Harmony: Changing your Relationship With Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbnJq_96xAI