Nature wants you to heal and move on

Forgiveness is the fragrance, rare and sweet,

that flowers yield when trampled on by feet,

that reckless tread the tender, teeming earth;

for blossoms crushed and bleeding yet give birth

to pardon's perfume; from the stern decrees

of unforgiveness. Nature ever flees.

-Ella A. Giles (1890)

I am feeling a bit lost and I am not sure why.  I am trying to sort through some things that need to be done and I am struggling with doing so. It could have a lot to do with the fact that I  am writing my sister's story, another novel attempt, and it is quite challenging to go back and remember things one would rather not remember.  It makes me see some rationalization for my own life being the way it is right now. I am looking back behind me and saying..."That must be why I am stuck now; why things are not working out the way I want them to."

Sigh...I am trying to pin my lack of moving forward on the past.  I am reminded of an allegory used by Allan Watts and relayed by Wayne Dyer on more than one occasion.  I will do my best to put it in my own words.

 

The Wake

 

Allan Watts has offered this wonderful way of looking at the past.  He instructs us to imagine we are on a boat going fairly quickly across the water.  We are to imagine that we are standing on the stern (at the back of the boat)looking down at the wake, or the trail of water left behind by the moving boat. That wake symbolizes our past.  Then we are to ask ourselves three important questions.

 

 

Question One: What is the wake?

 

The wake is simply a trail left behind by the boat.  In reference to our past, it is a trail left behind by our lives.  It is nothing more than something left behind.

 

Question Two: What is driving the boat?

 

What is driving the boat is the present moment energy being generated by the engine or the motor of the boat. In terms of our lives, what drives our boats is the present moment energy which is life coursing through our veins right here and right now.  That energy flow can be freed or restricted by  our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings and our choices. It is also based on something much deeper that can not be seen, measured or described.  Presence drives the boat.

 

Question Three: Is it possible for the wake to drive the boat?

 

Think about it.  Can that trail of steam and water behind the boat  drive the boat?  No...it has no power over the movement of the boat.  It is just something left behind.  How then do we believe that  the trail of our lives, our past, can drive our boats in this present moment?  It can't, can it? 

 

Past is gone

 

Our past is gone...it is back there and is not the power that moves us forward.  Yet so many of us look to the past to explain and rationalize why we are not what we think we should be, why we are stuck and not moving in the right direction.  We blame our parents and what they did to us as children  for our addictions or for our relationship problems.  We blame a past injustice on our inability to make decisions based on trusting others.  We blame a past experience with illness on our inability to get better. When asked why we are or aren't going in the direction the boat is taking us, we point a finger to the wake and say, "That's why!"  How silly is that?

 

Many of us are stuck in our past because it offers a familiar comfort zone, an excuse for being where we are.  Yet in reality we are not stuck, are we?  We are limited only by our refusal to let go of old hurts. 

 

Close up the Wounds

 

I love how Wayne Dyer describes it in the video listed below.  He says that our truest nature responds when we are wounded by saying, "Close up the wound." And without our interference the body will respond.  A natural process of inflammation will lead to healing cells going to the wounded site, stopping the bleeding, cleaning it up and filling it in.  Skin edges will eventually come together and approximate.  The wound will heal because that is what our true nature wants.  It wants us to close up our wounds and move on.  When hurt emotionally or mentally, the same thing applies...our truest nature wants us to experience, feel and heal from those wounds so we can leave them behind like wakes as we move forward.

 

Yet many of us won't let it be, will we?  We will pick at our wounds until they become infected eventually filling us with poison as we  hold them up for others to see, "Look at poor, poor me!"  Of course, that sounds so dramatic and unfair when talking about repressed trauma pain but in a sense that is what we are doing. We may not only refuse to allow our wounds to heal by clinging to the past, but we may constantly be  tearing them open, keeping our present lives infected by them.

 

Drive your boat

 

The past does not move our boats forward but we may cause our boats to stall or go in the wrong direction when we are concentrating more on the wake then the present moment. We need to stop looking back.  We need to forgive and let go like the fragrant flower does so we can get the feel of the boat beneath us, right her and right now. 

 

Enjoy the ride as you casually look up ahead to what awaits.

 

All is well!

 

References

 

Wayne Dyer (n.d.) How to Manifest your Life Purpose by Dr. Wayne Dyer. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yQZZiC1uelg

 

Allan Watts (n.d.) The Boat and the Wake, Allan Watts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oswx23Tz-_w

 

 

 

 



Great Rivers and Seas

The relation of the Tao to all the world is like that of the great rivers and seas to the streams from the valleys
-Lao Tzu



So we will go through the next eight lessons of the Tao. I had a hard time with some of these because of the military reference.  I also don't particularly care when Legge  tried to get his translation into some form of poetic verse he created, only because I fear some of the translation gets lost in his need to create a rhyme scheme. Anyway, bear with me

Chapter/Verse 25

 

There was something formless, changeless, timeless and nameless before Heaven and Earth was devised. (Not sure if he means man's concept of Heaven and Earth or actual Heaven Earth). This something is Great; the Creator of all things (the Mother). The Greatness of this thing flows through the Tao, then Heaven, then Earth, then Kings/Sages, passing on its greatness. Man follows the laws of Earth; Earth follows the laws of Heaven; Heaven follows the laws of the Tao; and the Tao is simply the way it is.

 

 

Chapter 26

 

Gravity is the root of lightness; stillness the ruler of movement.

 

Need a balance between gravity (heaviness) and lightness; between stillness and movement (action).

 

Contrast, which is the opposite ends of the same poles determine and make each other. Regardless of how much he marches all day, a 'wise prince' will stay close to what he already has (baggage wagons) in stead of venturing out and away to seek more no matter how distracting and inviting those things might be.  A question arises: How should a Lord who has much carry himself lightly before his kingdom? If he does act lightly ( too carefree with little action) he might lose his root or hold on the kingdom.  If he acts too much and does too much to assert his rule, he could lose his throne.

 

 

Chapter 27

 

This verse speaks to the need to leave no traces of one's skill or expertise behind...to leave it a mystery.

 

A skillful traveller leaves no tracks behind; a skillful speaks leaves no offensive words behind; a skillful leaves no bolts or bars behind; a skillful binder leaves no strings or knots.  even though what they are able to accomplish is skillful and effective...they leave no signs of what they do behind.

 

A wise sage also leaves no man unsaved.  This is called "hiding the light of his procedure."

 

The man of skill is a master to be honored and revered by those who do not have the skill and those who do not possess the skill are helpers to those who do. It is a must for the servant to honor his master and for the master to rejoice in his servant. The skilled man performs his skill and the servant does not know how but observes in reverence and amazement.  This is called the 'The utmost degree of mystery."

 

 

Chapter 28

 

 

Speaks a little to yin and yang ; maturity and youth; recognition and obscurity; knowledge and innocence etc

 

 

A wise man seeks humility, innocence, and obscurity over praise, recognition and vanity. A strong man who recognizes his strength also maintains his feminine gentleness knowing that all drains flow to one channel in the end ( the Tao?) .  A wise man who follows the Tao will maintain both  his excellence and his child like innocence.

 

Seeking humility and obscurity rather than being the center of attention ( seeking to wear black instead of attractive white); he who though he knows the light of glory will prefer disgrace because of its obscurity will maintain an innocence that will lead men to him.  He will then lead even the greatest military leaders in a peaceful non violent way.





 

 

Chapter 29

 

Doing and grasping will not get one the 'Kingdom' for himself.  This 'Kingdom' sought is spiritual and cannot be got by active doing.  He who tries to win it will destroy it and he who tries to grasp it will lose it.

 

The course and nature of things is cyclical.  What was once in front will be behind, what once warmed will freeze, what once was strength comes from weakness and this is seen when what we gain spoils as it will.

 

That is why the wise puts away excessive effort, extravagance and indulgence.

 

 

Chapter 30

 

One with the Tao will not use violence and force to assert his mastery.  If he does he will suffer from the karmic effects of doing so. There will always be obstacles, barriers and bad years for great armies. 

 

A skillful commander will only attack out of necessity and never to assert ego's mastery.  He will strike one blow and then stop.  He will be on guard against arrogance and vanity once he does. He will not be boastful of his attacks.

 

When things mature they become old and not being of the way of Tao they will eventually die.

 

 

Chapter 31

 

Arms (weapons and instruments of destruction) though appearing beautiful to sum are evil and potentially hurtful to all creatures.

 

A superior man considers his left side the most honorable place for an inferior to stand. But in times of war it will be the right.  The left side is the feminine , gentle and peaceful side honored in celebrations.  The right side is the side that is strong and will attack when need arises.  It is also the side that mourns the loss of life taken by it. It is calm and peace that the wise man honors and victory by force what he detests ( he does not delight in the slaughter of men). Commanders, who have killed many, will be reserved the right side to stand next to their wise king so they can rightfully grieve the lives they took.  They should not celebrate those wins.

 

 

Chapter 32

 

The changeless Tao has no name.  It is small and primordial because it is simple yet it is powerful. If a leader would hold it, all would follow him.

 

The Tao unites Heaven and Earth and this sends down the 'sweet dew' which falls on all men equally.

 

As son as it proceeds to action It has a name and men can then rest in it to be free from all risk of failure and error.  They will find Truth.

 

The relation of the Tao to all the world is likened to how all the great rivers and seas flow into the tiny valley streams.  Man, I believe, are the tiny streams that get fed by the great waters of the Tao.

 

 

Key things learned form these eight Tao Verses/Chapters:

 

• The Tao is changeless, formless, timeless, and nameless and came before Heaven and Earth.
• It is that spaciousness, that emptiness, that Absolute Beingness, the "I am" ness other scriptures talk about
• It is the Creator of all things
• It is Great
• It flows through all things...through Heaven, then Earth, then Kings and then men
• Man needs a balance between gravity and lightness and between stillness and action
• A wise man does not give away the mystery of what makes him skilled behind...he leaves no traces, he hides the light of his procedure
• A servant honors his master and his master rejoices in his servant
• A wise man who follows the Tao with a sincere desire for humility  will maintain both his excellence and his innocence
• His humility and his child like innocence will lead others to follow him
• He can lead even the greatest armies in a peaceful way
• One can not attain the spiritual "Kingdom" through doing and grasping
• Violence is to be avoided as much as possible and only used when absolutely necessary
• Arms are evil and potentially damaging to all creatures
• If a man must kill in battle he must mourn and grieve over the lives he took...he should not celebrate his victory
• A leader who follows the way will have followers
• The Tao  is simple but powerful
• It unites Heaven and Earth and by so doing nourishes all men equally
• We can rest in Its Truth once we give it a name so we can use it.
• The Tao can flow through us like the great waters of the large rivers and sea flow through the tiniest of streams.

All is well!

 

References

 

Legge, James...Translator (1891) .  Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching. https://www.sacred-texts.com/tao/taote.htm



 



 



An Important Part of Practice

If one knows how to bring the teachings into one's own thought, all physical and verbal deeds can be made to accord with practice. If one does not know how to bring them into one's own thought, even though one might meditate, recite scriptures, or spend life in temples [or synagogues or churches], it will not help: thought is therefore important to practice.
-Dalai Lama

Can you bring your spiritual or life teachings into your own thought as a part of your practice, whatever that may be?

I practice peace...that is my mission in my life: to live in a state of peace.  Is peace always in my thoughts?  Nah.  I mean it is in me but I am not always connected to it because the veil between me and it, which is thought, is not always absorbing peace. Get that?

We don't want to get lost in thought or stuck in thought but while we are learning we do use thought. It is an important part of our practice.  Eventually we will hopefully transcend thought but for now it is a tool for our learning and our teaching.  We want the teachings to be in our thought veil until we need the veil no longer.

Slips

Keeping that peace in my thoughts is not always easy.  I slip up royally sometimes and find myself jumping into these reactive behaviours dominated by ego. I can consciously separate my life circumstances from my Life; I can find peace in the most trying of times and I can stay aware of what "I" am doing but... sometimes my verbal and physical deeds are not in accord with practice.

Example

After a few days away dealing with fairly big crisis' in which I staid peaceful and calm I came home last evening and slipped big time.  I was exhausted ( rationalizing I know but feel I have to lol).  I had not slept more than a couple hours a night since Tuesday night.  On top of the situation we were dealing with, I had been having pelvic pain which wakes me up, wipes me out and makes me irritable ( when I am not just allowing it to be which I really couldn't because I had too many other bigger things to deal with). Anyway, after a hot bath and napping through a movie on the couch I was really, really looking forward to bed last night 

The dogs had other plans for me.

My oldest dog, who can barely walk most days,  ran off before lock up and I had to chase her around the block in my PJs for thirty minutes.  When I finally got her in, another who had apparently eaten a half bottle of coconut oil earlier that day while we were still away, got sick all over my living room couch...(She is a large dog with a large stomach.  It went everywhere...in between the creases, the cushions, the backing, the springs.  Ugh!!! It pretty well ruined the couch. ) This is what my tired body and mind had to deal with when all it wanted was sleep.

All peace slipped from my thoughts and I went right into emotional reactivity as I began to clean up the mess.

Reacting instead of Practicing

I could hear myself saying, "OMG!  Are you kidding me?  All I want to do is sleep and now I have to deal with this!!!" Poor Don...he came out to help but it didn't go over very well. I was fit to be tied ( Dear partner: if your other half is sleepless, menopausal and in height of reactivity during such a situation...put the cloth down, back away  and just say, "Yes dear...I will be here if you need me." ...Don't walk completely away...no...no... that would not be good for you...let her see you so she can tell you what to do if she needs to.:) )

Anyway, for a few minutes I was whiny and loud and full of resistance for the present moment.  I was probably pretty scary.  All because  I was not carrying peace in to my thought stream.  I was forgetting my practice.  Sigh!!!! I slipped again.

Oh well, my healing, my recovery begins today then.  It is all good. 

All is well in my world.

To have peace, teach peace to learn it.
-ACIM-T-Ch 6 5B

Ahhh! Felt the need to write that to explain to myself and others why I continue to do what I do here. I made a conscious decision to seek peace above all else and in order to have it I teach it so I can learn it.

As the first lesson from the Holy Spirit teaches according to ACIM, if we want to have [anything including peace] we need to give all to all (5A).  So if we want to have peace, we give it away in anyway we can. If we want to learn what peace is, we teach it.  I am no expert...just teaching because I want to learn...the more I teach the more I am learning and the more I am learning the more I teach. Sigh...all I am saying is ...you are stuck with me lol.

Been away from home dealing with a set back in the health of a loved one who recently had open heart surgery.  Sigh... Life is really laying it on thick and that is okay. It is what it is. Peace is still here to be given away,  to be learned and  to be received.

All good.

ACIM. Text. Chapter 6 Foundations for Inner Peace. Mill Valley

Separate the "isness' from the mind

It is important to differentiate between external circumstances and inner commentary about those circumstance.  We need to separate the 'isness' from the mind.
-Eckhart Tolle (The Never Ending Present Moment)

Before I begin, I want to make it clear that when I speak about challenges here, I am not speaking about challenges like  the devastating loss members of this community have experienced  a few days ago.  It is not my place to comment on that type of intense trauma...a pain I can't even imagine.  I am simply talking about the challenges many of us face day to day: problems at work to a loss of a job, issues with house  maintenance or renovation to the loss of a house in a fire, problems relating to a  break-up or divorce , money troubles to a complete loss of income etc.  I am speaking about the challenges that we all face in varied forms and degrees.

Another  Need for Separation

I think it is important to once again use separation to make the distinction between the life circumstances we encounter and what we tend to say about them in our minds or to other people. 

An Example

So let's just say, for example, you run into some money troubles.  You suddenly realize that you owe more than you can pay. Automatically most of us  jump right to the 'reaction', don't we?  We find ourselves sweating, feeling a bit sick to the stomach as we clench our jaws and run to the phone to tell someone about the 'terrible thing' that showed up in our lives.  Right? 

If we slow it down and rewind the tape, we will see that the reaction was preceded by a fear based feeling of anxiety, stress, overwhelm, or panic.  That feeling was preceded by a deeply entrenched or conditioned belief system.  "If I do not have enough money, "I" (this person I identify as) will not survive physically, psychologically or socially." That belief was probably triggered by a conscious thought: "Oh no.  This can't be happening.  This 'should' not be. Why is this happening to 'me'?" And that thought stream was probably preceded by the life circumstance presenting itself to your conscious awareness in a given moment. This all happens so fast we are not even aware of any distinctions or separations.  We are lost in the reactivity.

Making the separation

We can, however, make a separation between what is happening and how we are reacting to it. So we have external circumstances, the 'isness' of a present moment .  In this case we have the realization that we owe more money than we presently have.  That in itself is not pleasant but it simply is what it is in this moment.  It in itself can not break us or make us.  It is just a realization about an external event.

Then we have the mind's reaction to it.  The thoughts begin to circulate in our heads with ego's encouragement very quickly.  Ego was probably waiting in the background, rubbing its grubby little hands together, for such an opportunity. The thoughts in the conscious mind come in and they are full of resistance.  "This can't be; this shouldn't be." We resist because the core belief in the subconscious mind is that a loss of money, a big debt, will be detrimental to who we believe we are.  It will destroy the 'me' we think we are. This creates an emotional reaction of fear.  Our behavioural response is then to avoid the nasty feeling, avoid experiencing what is, as well as the moment.  So we run away from it and get lost in the "concepts", the "drama", the 'story' and the "sharing of the tragedy" to further feed ego. This is where the suffering is.  It has very little to do with the actual external event but mostly the mind's reactive commentary.

So what do we do?

We separate the life event, the external circumstance from what the mind says about it.  In order to do that we can do several things:

•  We begin by practicing staying alert and aware of what is happening both around us and in the mind. The more connected to presence we are, the more likely we can do this with ease.  We do our best to stay connected to the deeper dimension, our inner spaciousness, the backgrounds of our lives (see April 18th's entry). We are given opportunity to  practice this connection all the time and not just in the easy situations or while we are immersed in a spiritual comfort zone. We are given many opportunities to practice by Life,  in the face of challenge.  In the face of your challenges if you are present you do not convert the challenge into suffering, you just be with what it is. -Eckhart Tolle.
• We don't expect that we won't slip up because we will.  We will get lost in commentary and reactivity again and again but the trick is to become aware that we got lost. The ability to step out of a stream of thinking and rise above it, that is transcendence. -(Eckhart Tolle, 2019) We practice transcendence.
• If you  find your self stuck and having a hard time separating mind from 'isness', ask yourself: "Where is my life?"  Most of us will answer with more story but catch yourself doing that  and ask again, "where is my life?"  It is not in your mind, not in words or concepts...it is not in yesterday or in the future.  It is right here and right now.  And really how much challenge do you have right here and right now?

Separation can be helpful

So once again separating what is real from what isn't can prove helpful in our awakening.

All is well

References

Eckhart Tolle (2019) The Never Ending Present Moment. Retrieved from  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jn706KxF-6k

A Moment Listening

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-

that perches in the soul-

and sings the tune without the words-

And never stops at all-

-Emily Dickinson 254: https://www.lorenwebster.net/In_a_Dark_Time/2004/03/08/emily-dickinsons-hope-is-the-thing-with-feathers/

I hear robins outside...What a beautiful melody they sing...so full of hope and  promise.  It is also full  of gratitude for life and new beginnings.

Many of us won't hear that song today.  Some because we are so wrapped up in our busy work or our mental activity, ruminating over what we did this weekend that we shouldn't of or holding our breath and waiting for that something 'better' than this moment to show up in the future.  Some of us are too busy distracting or numbing, stuffing emotion deep down inside so ferociously we bury the spring music with it.  Some of us, many of us in this community, will still be wrapped in such dark heaviness and pain we cannot see or hear anything beyond it.

Sigh!  It is true...many of us won't hear the robins singing so beautifully, just for us, just for all.  We will not feel the sun and mild breezes on our faces, will not smell the tangy  earth waking up below our feet.  We will be anywhere but in this moment. We will be somewhere other than in this Life right here and right now.

If we could only just stop and listen we would see what is truly important and what isn't, wouldn't we?  We would feel...like the robins...alive and grateful, would we not?

For those of us distracting, numbing, too busy and too caught up in our monkey minds, what a wonderful reprieve a moment of listening would provide...an opportunity to wake up to what is really important would ensue. 

And for those in the depth of such heavy grief...maybe , just maybe, it would offer a little comforting lightness to the darkness that has suddenly descended upon their worlds.

I don't know.  I wish we could all hear this music of Life together and feel the light of Easter in our hearts...if only for a moment.

All is well in my world.

When Tragedy Strikes

No popularity exists when tragedy strikes. All that's left are human hearts and love and ache. We all love each other, deep down, and when we see another soul in pain we can't help but hurt too.
-Maya Van Weegan (Popular: Modern Wisdom for a Modern Greek: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/tragedy?page=3)

There has been a terrible tragedy in this small community last evening. 

The narrative of the story goes like this: four teens were killed in a motor vehicle accident.  The details are not important though that is automatically what people go searching for and then cling to in these situations as if  snippets of specific information will alleviate the great heaviness that has fallen over everyone who has heard the news, whether they knew the families of these individuals or not.  Truth is words, details, concepts do nothing to alleviate pain.

There has been sudden, unexpected and what would be deemed as 'inappropriate',  death, loss and grief x 4.  That is the information that is important.  It is tragic.  It is heavy like a great emotional weight that smothers and suffocates.  People (and not just the family and friends but all people in the community) are forced to face pain in its ultimate form smack dab on. It is too close to home to escape or ignore. We suddenly cannot close our eyes to the reality that Life, as we know it in these human forms, is fragile and unpredictable. That may shake us to the very core. It is also a truth, however, that could save us.

In the acceptance of  this grief,  this confusion and  this suffering we now have the potential to reach beyond our little 'me-ness' to others. We can wake up to the reality we have tried so hard to distract from and numb from; suffering exists. We can offer our compassion to those who need it most as well to the entire community that is suddenly off balance. We can put away our differences to empathize and support. We can remember how much we do love each other.

We can also, because of our pain, reach beyond the clouds of confusion to faith and to a truth that is not dependent on the fragility of human forms or the unpredictability of life circumstance.  Maybe, just maybe, we can find some peace and strength in that. 

That is what I pray for, for the parents, families and friends of these individuals who have gone on so suddenly and unexpectedly. I do not pray that they not feel pain...I know they will but  I do pray that throughout it all ...a stream of light more powerful than grief and confusion shines through and that it offers at least  an inkling of comfort here and there. I also pray that someday...they, and all of us, will be  able to follow that light to the healing that is waiting for all of mankind.

Peace to all on this Easter Sunday.

Easter Light and Pussy willows

We ask that streams of  Easter light might flow into the intimacy and the privacy of our hearts this morning, to heal us and encourage us and enable us to make again a new beginning.
-John O'Donohaue, Walking in Wonder  https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/60588613-walking-in-wonder-eternal-wisdom-for-a-modern-world

Easter weekend and here is hoping everyone has a blessed  day remembering and embracing the Light of new beginnings.

Two things symbolize Easter and the arrival of spring for me: Light and pussy willows. 

Experimenting with the camera in capturing this  light...bear with me, you might see a lot of these candles my daughter made for me in the next little bit. :)

 

 

A Little More on the Foreground and Back Ground of Life

The absence of suffering is happiness, just as the absence of darkness is light.
-Thich Nhat Hanh (peace is every breath, page 97)

I have been thinking a little more on making the distinction between the foreground and back ground of our lives.  We make this distinction only so we learn...eventually there will be no need to separate anything.

This is what I came up with.  I hope it helps.

Foreground of Life

Background of Life

·     Secondary  dimension, horizontal dimension , doing dimension where  Ego dominates: ·         See Self as Our personalities; Our bodies; Our minds: ·         Dream State ·         All that is visible ·         Shallow and superficial ·         Dense, consisting of form ·         Lower consciousness ·         Dependent on the five sense for determination of what is real ·         limited ·         noisy and chaotic ·         temporary and constantly changing ·         can be reduced to and described with mental concepts and words ·         Fear rules here ·         Dangerous and unsafe ·         Dependent on concepts like past and future ·         at the mercy of circumstance ·         a sense of separation with borders and body lines ·         “I”…”me” “my” and “mine” ·         Reactions occur from this place ·         Promotes Contraction and retraction ·         Illusion can be found here ·         Birth and Death can be found here ·         Suffering or dukkha ·         Darkness

·       Primary  dimension ('e'),  vertical dimension, being dimension where Spirit, soul, Purusa, Buddha-Nature ( call it what you wil) dominates ·         See Self as so much more ·         Awakened state ·         All that cannot be seen…Invisible ·         Of great infinite depth ·         Empty, formless, spacious ·         Higher consciousness ·         Sees reality beyond the five senses ·           ·         Limitless ·         Quiet and still ·         Eternal and changeless ·         Nameless and beyond understanding with thought ·         Love rules here ·         Peaceful and calm ·         Dependent on the present moment, the only place it can exist…timeless ·         Beyond circumstance ·         No borders, no body lines…just One Union one whole ·         “All” ·         Response occurs from this place ·         Promotes Expansion ·         Truth can be found here ·         Life can be found here ·         Beyond suffering or dukkha ·         Light

 

Hmm! Which column would you rather be spending most of your time in? Something to think about maybe?

All is well.

 

As soon as we light up the lamp of right mindfulness, wrong mindfulness retreats.

                                     -Thich Nhat Hanh (peace is every breath, page 65)

A Little More on Learning from confrontation

I will practice right diligence to nourish my capacity for understanding, love, joy, and inclusiveness, and gradually transform anger, violence, and fear that lie deep in my consciousness.
- Thich Nhat Hanh (from peace is every breath pg 145)

Oops!

Okay I owe someone an apology somewhere.  :) I have been rationalizing my angry confrontation over and over in my head, trying to use the Dalai Lama's words to soothe my conscience with.  Truth is...I slipped and I own that slip. 

A Pure Motivation?

Yes, confrontation involving harsh words and strong action is sometimes called for if the motivation is pure. My motivation, other than my maternal need to protect my daughter, really wasn't pure.  I went into that confrontation this afternoon...ego first not presence first. I went into that confrontation in reaction mode, not response mode.  I went into that confrontation to protect the rights of an ego that always wants to be right...not the rights of Self. I went in hot headed, not calm and peaceful. I went in talking with anger and self righteousness, not listening with patience and compassion.

I may have been  50 % unconscious and 50 % conscious :)  which is not so, so bad I suppose. ...but still I want to do better.

Wanting to do better in My Practice

I want to do better.  I want to remain kind no matter what is happening to me or around me, no matter what others may be saying or doing...I want to remain kind.  I wasn't all together kind  today.

I won't beat myself up.  I see this experience as another learning challenge...All our relating situations  with others offer the best opportunities to practice, do they not? I see room for improvement in my practice and that is a wonderful, wonderful thing.  If I see it I can make room for a better me.  I want to be a better me ( 'me', meaning Self , in this situation).

What Can I do differently next time?

• Take time to cool down before jumping into a situation.  Ego runs head first into confrontation because it loves the Drama.  The presence in the background does nothing but calmly watches. 
• Connect with that presence before confronting.  I could have taken a few moments this afternoon to connect with that observing presence before calling.  I could have taken more than a breath....I could have done a full out breath awareness meditation. I could have calmed and soothed the body....before I confronted.  I just allowed ego to take over and that is seldom good.  :)
• Eliminate some of the emotional and mental story around the situation. I used past experiences with others, my own fear of loss and scarcity consciousness to create a story around this situation that was not necessarily based on truth. I need to take the time, to remove present moment truth from story and from past in these situations. Again that could have been done with a little time and space
• Remind self there is always two sides to perception.  When ego is in charge it is all about 'me' isn't it, not about the other person.  We use our own perspectives as weapons in an attempt to prove how right we are. 
• I could have actually closed my mouth to hear what the other individuals were saying.  I was so intent on being heard, I was not listening.
• I could be kinder...making kindness my priority over being right. I could let go of my need to be right.  Man, that is hard for the ego to do, isn't it?
• Remind myself and others that what we really want is peace.

I am grateful for the learning and offer a silent thought of apology and forgiveness for all involved ( including myself).

All is well.

Harsh Words and Strong Action

In actual life, you sometimes have to speak some harsh words or take strong action in order to protect or benefit the family-here the key point is motivation. The same action, or even a tougher action, accomplished with a sincere and good motivation, is sincere and good.
-Dalai Lama

I read these words this morning and thought to myself , "Oh that really doesn't apply to my circumstances right now." I went on my way and forgot about them. Then about twenty minutes ago I found myself slinking back to my desk needing so desperately to hear those words again.

Harsh words

You see... I took harsh words and strong action this afternoon against that company I thought was "ripping me off".  I perceived that they provided a misleading service ...asked for money up front without providing any receipt or written invoice of our purchase cost break down.  (My daughter who is absolutely loving and trusting of all things in life-what a wonderful way to be- was the one who sought the service on my behalf).  They  quoted the cost as one thing, asked for both the payment and  deposit upfront and she left believing we would likely get a refund.  When she came home that day without any written documentation of pricing and worse no receipt the hairs, I will admit, stood up a little bit on the back of my neck. I told myself to breathe and not to let ego suspicion emerge too fully.

Strong Action

But the hairs never came down completely. Today my daughter was informed by that company that not only do we not get a refund, but that we owed them. I got angry.  I felt cheated.  So I took a deep breath went to the phone and called the individual my daughter had been dealing with  myself.  I told her  that I felt upset because we were told a price and were expecting a refund but did not think it was fair for us to have to pay.  I got round about stories about what we were being charged with  and why... none of it clear.

I would have none of it.  I was  intent on being assertive and direct about the mistake the company had made . In response, the individual (doing what most egos would do in those situations wanting "the heat' off themselves) pointed a finger at my daughter, saying that she probably didn't understand the explanations. I felt myself getting more and more lost in the anger at that point, becoming a little more than assertive.  I was speaking "harshly" and threatening "stronger action". I was operating from emotion.

Trying to  See the Person underneath the anger

I kept  bringing myself back though...Catching myself in the height of emotion, calming down to some degree enough  to say to the individual that I was not doubting her or judging her as a person ...but was very frustrated with the way the business was dealt with and the consequences of it. Still...the anger and self righteousness would not go away.   I could not let them pin this on my girl.  "If the explanations were so hard to understand", I countered, "why wasn't written documentation provided in an invoice form detailing the cost breakdown?  Isn't that what most business' would do? Why was she not given a receipt?"

The individual defended herself by saying, "I would have given her one if she asked."

I suggested with a hint of superiority and an air of  higher knowledge, "Should that not be protocol?"

I asked to speak to the manager  but the individual truly wanted to explain the situation first.  I allowed her to, assuring her it was not my intention to dump my negativity and judgment on her. (I was conscious enough to do that lol). She agreed to send me a cost breakdown. I still was not ready to give up my ego need to prove how right I was and therefore how wrong they were.

Consequences

Eventually, I spoke to the manager. She was obviously already informed of my complaint and was on the defensive,  not very customer friendly during our conversation.  I reiterated what I told her employee and she was quite defensively, explaining that everything was explained and once again pointed a finger at my daughter's lack of comprehension. I got very angry then. I stressed the difference between what we were told and what we were charged and once again suggested, as if I was in a position to do so, a better business approach for future customers: receipts and written instruction on their charges. I also requested a full documented breakdown of our specific charges which I have yet to receive.  (I had incorrectly assumed that would have already been done for their own business records and could have been forwarded stat to a disgruntled customer ???)  I did inform the manger that I could take this further but decided it was not worth the effort (I was thinking of the cost to my peace and the hassle to my body and mind that would cause). Instead, I informed her I would never do business there again and if I speak to anyone about this service I will be honest and direct about my experience which will reflect very negatively on them. She assured me she would send the cost breakdown out right away. And that was it.

Cost to Peace?

Hmmm!  Did I do the 'right' thing if my true goal these days is to maintain a certain level of peace?

I did feel it was important that I stood up to this business which unfortunately meant confronting individuals who were employed there.  I wasn't kind throughout the conversation, far from it. (Which I regret).  And I wasn't all together calm.  I felt anxious and ready to attack. My ticker had a bit of a work out, let me tell ya. I slipped into and out of unconsciousness throughout the process.  I really didn't want to hurt anyone but I would not let my daughter or myself be treated unfairly either.

Still I felt guilty for slipping away from presence ( and at the same time I am not actually sure that I did completely...I was aware of behaviour throughout and kept pulling myself back...hmmm?)

Well some of you might say, Well you still got ripped off crazy lady. To which I would respond , Maybe. But I am okay with it. I expressed my truth  and my anger. I refused to pay the extra and I will let sleeping dogs lie.

Well  are you just  going to let them win?

There is no winners or losers in this.  What have I lost?  A few dollars of a refund?  What have they gained? Absolutely nothing of value. In their minds, they may have lost peace, money and business as well. 

What a wonderful learning challenge. Egos might feel as if they won or they lost but what matters is recognizing who we really are beneath all that ego drama and choosing that over being right.  When it is all said and done....I choose peace.


Confrontations can come at a cost to our peace.  Does that mean we should avoid them?

No.  I like the Dalai Lama's words. Sometimes we need to stand up and utter a few harsh words or be prepared for stronger action. Sure the individuals we deal with are valuable and are deserving of our respect. But we are valuable too. Sometimes a little assertiveness in the protection of our rights can remind us of that value. 

Of course, we need to practice asserting self with as little emotion as possible. We need to work on developing a kind and calm approach in such matters.  That isn't always easy, as this lesson taught me. Sigh....

All is well in my world.

A Pleasant Atmosphere

Whenever there lives a compassionate person, there is always a pleasant atmosphere.
-Dalai Lama

 

 

 

 

I have been blessed with children who show compassion for all living things.  It creates such a pleasant atmosphere in my home. Needless to say...we have had many creatures within these walls over the years.  So grateful.

 

All is well.

'Separation' May Be Helpful

Eventually everyone begins to recognize, however dimly, that there must be a better way.
-ACIM-T-Chapter 2:III:3:6

There were 22 days to that meditation series.  I was surprised to see that extra opportunity to meditate on Gratitude and Grace  this morning but very grateful. (Grateful for Deepak Chopra and Oprah Winfrey providing this free meditation series to the world) Today's meditation  once again exemplified what we spoke about yesterday...the idea of seeing Self in the other...of seeing Self as whole and not separated by body lines. 

As a student of A Course,  it became quickly obvious that one of its main teachings was echoed by Deepak Chopra & Oprah Winfrey today: Separation is an illusion.  I am whole and complete. 

 It has taken me a long time to fully realize that truth and I cannot say that I have completely mastered the 'lotus flower' lesson but it is sinking in more and more.  I am getting there.

Sometimes  'Separation' may be helpful on our paths to awakening.

There is an instance, perhaps, where playing with the idea of 'separation' may be somewhat helpful in our understanding of who we really are.  When we can loosely separate the little 'me' with its egoic  personality, its body  and its  mind from the true Self, the soul,  the Seer that  is hidden beneath the layers of obvious, we may begin to understand more clearly who we truly are. 

Most of us operate unconsciously lost in the drama of 'little me' and are anything but present or aware. When we can make the distinction between the two, however,  and then witness who is apparently in charge of our moment we can escape  from a state of unconsciousness back into conscious awareness.  We can  become aware once again of this separation between Self that is the background and the 'person' we have wrongly identified  as for most of our lives that is the foreground. This is the basis of presence according to teachers like Eckhart Tolle.

Say what crazy lady?

Separate the True Self from the "little me"


We need to separate the "little me" that makes up most of our Life foreground from the true Self that is always present in the background. We do that when we allow that true Self to witness and observe what that little crazy monkey minded person is thinking, feeling and  doing in the foreground.

The Reaction


I will give an example.  Today I found myself becoming suspicious of the intentions of certain companies and individuals who were providing a paid service for me.  I actually thought that they may rip me off.  I found myself physically contracted in my vigilance, my stomach and face burning, muscles tense and the words coming out of my mouth were anything but kind.  I was retracting, closing off, clinging to the 'little I had' and ready to defend and attack.  Not pleasant. 

 This reaction this 'person' was having was based on a thought.  The thought was based on a belief that was triggered by a certain amount of stress and fatigue as well a mistrust and fear of less than that this 'little me' has been operating under. The belief was, "Bad things will continue to happen to 'me'.  I do not have enough but I am always expected to pay more. Financial destitution is 'my' destiny. People have been unjust and unfair to 'me' before...they will continue to be so."   For a moment I was absorbed and lost in that reaction that involved a separate 'little me" against a dangerous "them". Yuck!  What a belief to cling to. What a behavioral response to fill my moment with. I was lost in the 'little me'...I was unconscious.

Separating Foreground from Background and Waking Up

In the midst of it, I suddenly witnessed myself behaving this way and very quickly I observed the situation and reaction from a higher place. I could 'see' what I was doing. In order to do that I had to have separated the drama of my person from the calm presence of my Self.  It was Self that was seeing. Self was witnessing what the ego was doing from the background. 

As soon as I realized that something higher, more conscious and more present was witnessing my experience from the background, I woke up and the reaction fell away...In fact "little me" fell away. Everything suddenly felt okay as it was. I was back in the moment aware of what was going on in me and around me right then and right there. There was no need to be suspicious, to defend and or attack in that moment.  There was nothing of value to cling to in that moment. There was no lack or no less than in that moment.  Past experiences were just memories and stories, in that moment.
There was no "them" in that moment...

There was just thoughts, feelings, circumstances coming and going.  The other people who I had perceived as separate and enemies  were just other representations of Self that may or may not have been lost in their own egoic minds.  Everything felt complete and whole from the perspective of this Self. I heard myself reciting, "It is what it is and it will be what it will be." And I felt peace.

In this case then, separating the person we have come to believe we are from the Self we truly are is beneficial. We need to see the two beings operating within us if we truly want to wake up.  Once we wake up fully there will be no need for "little me" and separation.  We will truly operate from one  state of complete wholeness then.

But for now a little separating is okay.

All is well in my world.

References

ACIM Text

Deepak Chopra & Oprah Winfrey (n.d.) Manifesting Grace through Gratitude. Chopra Center

Eckhart Tolle (2019) Do we bring about our own suffering? Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yEH_3GyfIag