-ACIM -w-190
Pain is my own idea...(ACIM-W-210:2)
Pain is a choice. Suffering, dukkha, feeling dissatisfied with Life ...whatever you want to call it..is a choice. It is something we created in our heads and something we cling to because it gives us something that we want.
Say what, crazy lady?!!! Who would choose pain?
I know, I know. It sounds bizarre but it is true. It is not that we choose suffering fully consciously but we do choose it on some level. It serves a purpose for our egos.
Specialness and Separation
Egos thrive on this idea of all us little 'i' s struggling in this big bad world. It convinces us we are all separated and alone and the only way to make it, is to become special in our own eyes and some one else's. We need to become special...see our special talents and gifts...recognize how special we are and become 'special' to a select few of others. So we try to attain, gain, achieve in order to meet that requirement of separation .
The Rewards of Struggle
The more we do so against unfavorable odds (Life!)...the more special we become. And even if we do not achieve...we can gain great 'special recognition' through the amount of struggling and suffering that shows up in our lives. We can gain special status as winners and we can gain special status as losers (victims to the struggle of Life). It really doesn't matter which, does it? They both lead to the same outcome. The more we struggle, the more we suffer...the more 'special 'we become.
Society fosters this and rewards suffering. "Look at the adversity she had to overcome to get where she is at. She is so special." Or we try to build self esteem in others ( build ego separation) by affirming and encouraging others to affirm how special they are. "I am special. I love myself. There is only one person in the world like me. I am unique and I have special gifts to offer." We become conditioned to believe a 'specialness status' is what we need to make us happy. We, at some level, want to star in some melodrama and reap the accolades and rewards for doing so either as heroes or victims.
So we are choosing pain...we are choosing struggle in our lives. It adds to the great drama of human existence that poets and playwrights write about. Suffering becomes the fabric from which our culture is woven. The more we struggle ...even if we don't overcome our struggles...the better the drama...the more badges of honor and stardom our little 'i' receives. The more 'separate' it becomes. We want to star in our own drams, don't we?
Why?
We choose to struggle to maintain our separate "I" identities. Egos are narcissistic to the core. As long as we are identified with the little 'self', the little 'me' we will suffer. The little 'i' always has a story to tell...an act in a play to perform and a struggle to endure. Because the little me maintains its separate stardom through struggle.
I have been perceiving 'struggle' and suffering in my own life lately. A parental concern has become a legitimate serious life circumstance that I find myself helpless but to do anything but watch it unfold before my eyes. I am 'worrying' to the point of not sleeping at night. I literally feel 'sick' when I confront it or think about it. It...the life circumstance I am observing...feels so real and all consuming. 'I' am suffering, struggling in this life drama that feels so bloody awful. I am struggling against it, resisting it like a drowning victim resists the water.
And 'I' am watching myself doing it. I am seeing myself in some form of a drama and man am I good!!! I am gaining 'special' status for the part I am playing in all this. People are awed by the character's struggle and I am gaining added specialness for adding another great struggle to an already big and dramatic life story. "Look at me and what I am going through...now!" I hate it but my ego loves it!
It Doesn't have to be this way!
I am choosing pain because it is what I know but it doesn't have to be this way. We do not have to suffer or struggle. We do not have to play this part or live this story. There is another way. There truly is one solution for every problem and it is a spiritual one. Most steps toward enlightenment begin with this desire to get past ego's need for pain.
We can choose differently. We can choose joy, our natural state of being that God has created in us instead. If we put down ego's dramas and the scripts it tells us we need to play in order to survive we will see there is another way. When we choose the "Self" over the little 'self/me' ...there is no need for drama. When we put down our need to be 'special' and separate which is not who we are and see ourselves as Who we really are (One Self)......struggle just goes away.
Life circumstance may not change but we will!
Life circumstance doesn't necessarily get easier. What I am witnessing with my physical eyes may not change. Life will be life with its ups and its downs...but when we are ready to choose differently...we will approach life circumstance differently. We will respond to it without ego's drama. We will see that we do not need 'specialness' and that even at a deeper level we do not want it.
When we return to experiencing the natural state of joy beneath all these mental modifications...we will be able to observe the ups and downs of human experience peacefully. When we put away the 'I' identity and experience Life as the Self...all misery goes away. It is the story the mind clings to about who we are and whatever is going on in our lives that causes the pain...not the actual life circumstance.
Everything the little "i' identity clings to will create misery at some point. In its narcissistic ventures to maintain specialness...it will never find joy. But when we swap the "me' for Self- which is everything and everyone...we no longer have a selfish need for struggle. "Now we know that selfish thoughts bring misery and selfless ones leave us in peace." (Satchidananda, 2011, page 11).
Hmmm! Now that is something to think about!
References:
ACIM -workbook- Lesson 190, 210
Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011), The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga: Yogaville.
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