Patience and Hope

Patience is the calm acceptance that things may happen in a different order than the one you have in mind.
-David G. Allen https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/389209592783310299/?lp=true

The 'Personal' Reason Behind Yesterday's entry

I was thinking about a future event when I wrote that yesterday.  I was hoping a little life milestone would be achieved by someone I love who has been struggling so to achieve life milestones and feeling pretty down as a result. In fact, depression and life destroying  numbing choices were ensuing And I had hope that this small achievement would help to inspire hope in him. 

Hope I knew, could pull him from darkness...up into higher life affirming emotions. From there he would be able to step into faith...in himself and in life in general.  No matter what I said or how I said it made little difference but 'experiencing' good, success etc would inject hope  more than my little words could. So I had been hoping for him to reach that milestone.

The Selfish Side of Hope

I wanted it for him but I also wanted it for me.  My heart had literally been aching for him for weeks.  I have been worried, anxious, sleepless and so very afraid. I felt his pain and I felt totally helpless to do anything about it.  And I mean it...my heart was aching...literally...for him.  I have been very brady, dizzy, ankles swollen at night, eyes swollen in the morning with a heavy chest for as long as my concern for him began. I too had hope that this achievement, as minor as it was, would make a difference in him...would do what I felt helpless to do. ...for both our sakes.

The Impersonal side of Faith

I had sat down, right as he was being tested and began to write my blog entry yesterday and as I do every morning I read my lesson from ACIM which spoke of putting the future in God's hand. Serendipitous right? I was thrilled to read that I could put it all in God's hands.  That God would take care of it so I didn't have to worry anymore. I was filling my head with hopeful images of his success and his turn around.   

I wrote the entry with that hope  and was just about to sign off when this thought dawned on me as heavy as the feeling in my chest right now.  "That doesn't mean things will turn out the way you think they should.  Your idea of good for all may not be God's. Maybe this bit of suffering is necessary for some greater joy later.  Trust...even when things are not going the way you think they 'should'....that God knows what he is doing.  That's faith"

I went back to the entry and wrote about trusting God's knowledge of what is 'good' over our own idea of it. I knew I needed to do that.

Things didn't work out the way 'i' Hoped

For about one hour, I was all the things I had thought I was somewhat beyond experiencing.  I was anxious, pacing, wringing my hands, expecting, 'shoulding', doubting, bargaining etc...all the things that tell me I am not yet where I want to be.

I discovered at the end of that very ego dominated hour...that things were not going to go our little way. He was not successful and down he went into the spiral of some dark space I couldn't follow.  I stood above him and sang out my support, my love, my concern, my fear and yes even my anger(which I had hoped I could rise above). He was too far down to hear me and all the pain just settled in my chest where it so loves to curl and down I went physically.

Trust God; Trust Life

I have to remind myself that Life knows what it is doing.  If things don't turn out the way that 'I', in my small little ego dominated mind, think they should... it doesn't mean that it is not happening the way it needs to...to ensure the greater good.

I stepped aside, later that day, away from my numbing busy work. I sat outside with the sound of bird chatter, buzzing insects and the breeze through all the trees that were surrounding me...and I allowed myself to feel two things...love and gratitude.  Those two emotions consumed me and somehow eased the feeling in my chest.

Ironically...I wake up today (after allowing myself to sleep in until 11)...to this lesson from ACIM

Love is the way I walk in gratitude.

-ACIM-W-Lesson 215: 1

 

I feel peace.  I feel a calm acceptance.  I will be patient. How cool is that?

 

 

All is well in my world.

Have a Little Faith: Placing the Future in God's Hands

The past is gone; the future is not yet.  Now am I freed from both. For what God gives can only be for good.
-ACIM-W-214:2-4

Looking into the future, what do you see?  I would assume that is more of the past, right?  If you have been struggling recently with financial debt, illness, loneliness or whatever we humans call 'problems,' you may see the same in the days ahead.  Even if you affirm, visualize  and intend all the things you want...memory will sometimes paint the future with the experience you are familiar with.  And if you see a  continuation of some form of despair in your own little idea of 'my life' what will you see for the world at large? Hmm!

Ego Plays with Hope

We read and hear about the power of intention...of changing our lives with a change in our thoughts. We hope for that change. It is easy to hope for things to be different but having faith that they will be is an entirely different matter. Hope is a conscious  thing but faith operates much deeper, into the subconscious. Ego plays with hope but shrinks with faith. So we need to replace hope with faith.

What's the Solution for putting more faith in the world's future?

Let go!  That's it...just let go! Let go of ego and its manipulations that bring doubt.  Let God take over for a while.  Place the future where it can only prosper...in God's Hands. 

It is ego that deprives your future of good...God, on the other hand,  can only give good.  Know what you want for the little 'i' and more importantly for the bigger 'I' ...for the world...and then let go of it.

Inspired Action

Let go!  That doesn't mean you put your feet up and turn a blind eye to the areas that need change.  It simply means that you allow faith to guide you and inspire you.  Allow it to inspire your action and your next step.  Inspired action requires little effort and no struggle.  Inspired action brings joy in each moment.  Inspired action takes the focus from the outcome and makes each step a grace filled one.  Inspired action can change our own lives for the better and it can change the world for the better.

Let go! Having faith doesn't mean things will always turn out the way we think they should. They will turn out the way God knows they should. We may not see the blessing in the circumstance we encounter...with our tiny little perspectives but God does. God sees the whole picture. Trusting that Life is doing exactly what is best for all is the key to peace.

It all starts with a little bit of faith.

All is well in my world!

Depersonalizing Life

In addition to our immediate consciousness, which is of a thoroughly personal nature and which we believe to be the only empirical psyche, there exists a second psychic system of collective, universal, and impersonal nature which is identical in all individuals.
- Carl Jung (from The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious)

Say what Carl?

Carl Jung, a renown early 20th century psychiatrist who studied under Sigmund Freud, is telling us there are two levels of consciousness: One superficial layer that most of us believe is the only layer and a deeper layer that only few of us will ever truly experience in this life time. 

The superficial layer is ego dominated.  When we operate from this level life seems very 'personal'. We see our selves as separate from each other and from the divine. We are defending and attacking, attaining, maintaining, loosing and occasionally winning. For the most part we are struggling. We see this as the only way there is when it is nothing but a smoke screen.

In the  deeper level of consciousness things are different.  There is no separateness but an identical nature existing within all. There is union of all things (yoga).  There is peace and love and joy without struggle. This is where we truly are. Getting to the 'experience' of  this psychic level is a process, one we often call awakening.

The Realization of the Impersonal Nature

My last few entries expressed this realization I have been having.  Thanks to Adyashanti, mooji and Eckhart Tolle, whom I have been listening to in hope their wisdom would guide 'me' beyond this seemingly 'personal/maternal crisis' I have been perceiving, I realize that what I think is "My life" is really not my Life.  I am seeing (on a purely intellectual level at this point),that there is nothing personal about Life...though it seems to be so personal. What I perceive to be happening to me as a mother and to my son is not happening to me or to me son...it is just happening.

The Stage

All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players.
-Shakespeare: As You Like It. Act II, Scene VII 

We need to think like Shakespeare did and see Life as a stage. Most importantly we need to see our minds as the stage producer, ego as the director and the little' me' or "I" as the star. We have to see the impersonal nature of it.

What difference does that make?

What difference does it make to think like that? Well by removing the "my' from life, story or problem I am no longer the star in this drama that seems so personal. I am just a person watching it.  I do not have the 'pressure' of remembering lines I am expected to remember, emoting and feeling in the way the director tells me I should.  I am not putting all this energy in to the production to stay in character. "I", I am realizing, am not the character.  I am so much more.

Watching from this state of so much more is so much easier than being in the play.  It is such a relief! I am in a sense distancing myself without closing my eyes to what is happening around me. I am still aware but not overly attached or lost in the part ego and society expect me to play. My mind stays clearer that way so I can respond rather than react.

That doesn't mean I don't feel the pain, the grief, the fear...but as long as I am watching I am feeling it as a witness rather than a sole player.  It's not just 'my' pain, 'my' story...it's universal.  It belongs to no one and at the same time it belongs to all.  This situation and the emotions I am feeling are  just  expressions of life ebbing in and out of consciousness. It goes from one act, one scene to the next.  It isn't personal!  It truly only becomes "Pain, suffering, struggle" when I attach a "My" to it and jump up on stage to start acting it out.

The Threshold

I realize there is a deeper level of consciousness from which to perceive life but I am not yet fully living from there.  I find myself  on the threshold between true realization (experiencing, feeling, knowing this to be true) and perceiving from the first psychic layer of consciousness which is ego dominated. 

Most of us are still on the stage...not knowing, not seeing that we are simply playing a part ego tells us to play...thinking this play is real and all there is.  We are lost in the character and the drama. We don't see the audience watching us. 

That audience of course is the second layer of consciousness...the collective unconscious, the Atman, the soul, or the Self.  There is just One audience...every expression of it  claps at the same time,  laughs at the same time...hisses and boos at the same time.  Though there is a form sitting in each individual seat...each member of the audience is identical...an expression of the One greater audience, the collective, universal, impersonal nature .

Realization of the Audience

Once we know there is indeed an audience...everything changes.  We say to ourselves, "If there is an audience watching me...then I must be playing a part.  What am I doing here?  This must be an act.  It must be  a drama created by my ego.  It is not real...nothing but stage props and other actors.  Man?  Why am I playing in such a terrible drama? " We begin the detachment from the act and thus from our over identifying with the superficial layer of consciousness.

The beginning of freedom is the realization that you are not the thinker.

The moment you start watching the thinker, a higher level of consciousness becomes activated.

You then begin to realize that there is a vast realm of intelligence beyond thought,

that thought is only a tiny aspect of that intelligence.

You also realize that all the things that truly matter,

-beauty, love, creativity, joy, inner peace-

arise from beyond the mind.

You begin to awaken.

-Eckhart Tolle (The Power of Now)



I am at the point of my waking up where I am realizing I am playing a part and starring in some drama.  I see the edges of the stage and see glimpses of audience in the darkened theatre.  Every now and again...just for the briefest of seconds...I even wake up in one of those seats and watch what is going on up on stage.  The witnessing  doesn't last long...but while I am sitting there things are so peaceful.  Things are so clear. Life is so impersonal!But before I know it I am back on stage.  

I am still spending most of my time on stage and though sometimes I even forget that I am acting, I am for the most part aware that I am acting and that there is an audience out there watching me act. I know now there is me as a character and me as an audience member.  Life is so much easier as the audience member. Why? Because it isn't so personal. It is not about me!

Life Isn't Personal!

We can depersonalize life by leaving the dramas we are playing in and sitting down to watch life .  Life circumstances are just that circumstances...scenes in a play we do not have to star in. The true living occurs in the seat...as part of a greater consciousness.

All is well.


References


Jung, Carl.  The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious.  (https://books.google.ca/books?id=hmXfBQAAQBAJ&pg=PA43&lpg=PA43&dq=In+addition+to+our+immediate+consciousness,+which+is+of+a+thoroughly+personal+nature+and+which+we+believe+to+be+the+only+empirical+psyche&source=bl&ots=TUg9ErW21t&sig=7uu5klACIOxbxuL8eW_nfi6KFQ4&hl=en&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiJktHMi8LcAhWH3oMKHaW3CbEQ6AEwBnoECAYQAQ#v=onepage&q=In%20addition%20to%20our%20immediate%20consciousness%2C%20which%20is%20of%20a%20thoroughly%20personal%20nature%20and%20which%20we%20believe%20to%20be%20the%20only%20empirical%20psyche&f=false

Tolle, Eckhart.( 2004)  The Power of Now. New World Library.

'Not about me' and freedom

The most difficult thing for spiritual seekers to do is stop struggling, striving, seeking and searching. Why? Because in the absence of struggle you do not know who you are; you lose your boundaries; you lose your separateness; you lose your specialness; you lose the dream you have lived all your life. eventually you lose all your mind ever created and awaken to who you really are: the fullness of freedom unbound by any identifications, identities or boundaries.
-Adyashanti

The Words that Keep us stuck in struggle

Nothing, absolutely nothing, that happens in Life is about 'me'.  I tell myself it is by over using the words 'my' and "i' and 'me'. 

I describe things in my head and through my mouth  as "My Life", "My problem", "My happiness [or lack of]."My story" or "Not my fault!".

 I am constantly referring to my separated state with things like"I am here."  "I am this and I am that."  "I have this and I have that." Adyashanti encourages us to listen sometimes to a conversation someone else is having and count the number of times we hear the word 'I".  Or most eye opening...listen to how many times we say it. It would probably blow us away.

And the use of the 'me' word is addictive.  "You don't understand 'me".  "You don't listen to me." "It is all about  me".  "  Sometimes we will say things like "You like me, you really, really like me" but usually that 'me' has a melodramatic self pitying connotation to it. "You will never guess what it happens for me." "Poor me"

The Story Ego Writes

Man...our sense of suffering is derived from this idea that Life is about us as individuals. As long as we are spouting off the 'I',' My' or 'me' in the conversations that go on in our heads or to someone else we are caught in story.  As long as we are caught in story we will suffer because ego is the writer of that story, not the Self we really are. Ego writes about struggle not the peace it is afraid of.

I mean there will be lots of good parts in our stories. The writer wants to hook us. There will be joy, adventure, romance and laughter.  there will always be suspense, anticipation and a longing for more  but there will also be a lot of struggle because that is what we want. We are constantly seeking for something that makes us flip through the pages of life so quickly we do not appreciate what is on each  page...we will be looking for how it ends, wanting it to be 'better', more 'exciting' full of things we gain, achieve, cling to in order to make the story better. And these things will be written off again and again.  We will lose just as quickly as we gain.  We will have unexpected twists in plots.  As long as it is "My Story", we won't find true joy and satisfaction, we will suffer.

Do we want to feel good?

Yes! we want to feel good but we also want to suffer, to struggle. We want to struggle to feel good. The 'I', the"My' and the "me' need the struggle to stay alive.

True Joy

Adyashanti, in his beautiful yet simple description of true joy explains how we do experience it from time to time. How in an unexpected moment we find ourselves feeling it, smiling or laughing for no apparent reasons.  How sometimes something beautiful catches our eye and its like"Awe!" or we look at someone we love and our heart feels full, we witness an unexpected kindness and we feel warm all over.  In these moments  time stops...we feel satisfaction and joy.  We are not suffering. Why?  Because we are not thinking!  We are not  telling ourselves a story.  We are not identified with that "My" "I" or "me". We in our tiny little egoic forms disappear.

 It is, in those rare fleeting yet blessed moments that we all experience from time to time, so much more than that.  What brings us true joy is the presence within us that speaks to the "us"  of all things.  We are experiencing Life as who we truly are.

If we could just stay there...get there and stay there, there would be no need to suffer because we will not feel personally attacked by Life in a story ego is writing and narrating.  We will simply feel and Be Life!  That is what experiencing the true Self is all about. It is not about me.

Our freedom comes from the thing we fear the most...the absence of the little self, from knowing and feeling: "It truly is not about me."

References

Adyashanti (1999) Why we struggle? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvJ9hrGN0UE

Adyashanti: No Self .  From the Inspirational Quotes and Videos site http://inspirationalvideosandquotes.com/hp_wordpress/?p=103

Choosing Joy instead of Pain

I choose the joy of God today instead of pain.
-ACIM -w-190



Pain is my own idea...(ACIM-W-210:2)


Pain is a choice.  Suffering, dukkha, feeling dissatisfied with Life ...whatever you want to call it..is a choice. It is something we created in our heads and something we cling to because it gives us something that we want.

Say what, crazy lady?!!!  Who would choose pain?

I know, I know.  It sounds bizarre but it is true. It is not that we choose suffering  fully consciously but we do choose it on some level.  It serves a purpose for our egos.

Specialness and Separation 

Egos thrive on this idea of all us little 'i' s  struggling in this big bad world. It convinces us we are all separated and alone and the only way to make it, is to become special in our own eyes and some one else's. We need to become special...see our special talents and gifts...recognize how special we are and become 'special' to a select few of others. So we try to attain, gain, achieve in order to meet that requirement of separation . 

The Rewards of Struggle

The more we do so against unfavorable odds (Life!)...the more special we become.  And even if we do not achieve...we can gain great 'special recognition' through the amount of struggling and suffering that shows up in our lives.  We can gain special status  as winners and we can gain special status as losers (victims to the struggle of Life). It really doesn't matter which, does it?  They both lead to the same outcome.   The more we struggle, the more we suffer...the more 'special 'we become.

Society fosters this and rewards suffering.  "Look at the adversity she had to overcome to get where she is at. She is so special."  Or we try to build self esteem in others ( build ego separation) by affirming and encouraging others to affirm how special they are.  "I am special.  I love myself.  There is only one person in the world like me.  I am unique and I have special gifts to offer." We become conditioned to believe a 'specialness status'  is what we need to make us happy. We, at some level,  want to star in some melodrama and reap the accolades and rewards for doing so either as heroes or victims.

So we are choosing pain...we are choosing struggle in our lives.  It adds to the great drama of human existence that poets and playwrights write about.  Suffering  becomes the fabric from which our culture is woven.  The more we  struggle ...even if we don't overcome our struggles...the  better the drama...the more badges of honor and stardom our little 'i' receives.  The more 'separate' it becomes. We want to star in our own drams, don't we? 

Why?

We choose to struggle to maintain our separate "I" identities. Egos are narcissistic to the core. As long as we are identified with the little 'self', the little 'me' we will suffer. The little 'i' always has a story to tell...an act in a play to perform and a struggle to endure. Because the little me maintains its separate stardom through struggle.

I have been perceiving 'struggle' and suffering in my own life lately.  A parental concern has become a legitimate serious life circumstance that I find myself helpless but to do anything but watch it unfold before my eyes.  I am 'worrying' to the point of not sleeping at night.  I literally feel 'sick' when I confront it or think about it.  It...the life circumstance I am observing...feels so real and all consuming.  'I' am suffering, struggling in this life drama that feels so bloody awful. I am struggling against it, resisting it like a drowning victim resists the water. 

And 'I' am watching myself doing it.  I am seeing myself in some form of a drama and man am I good!!! I am gaining  'special' status for the part I am playing in all this.  People are awed by the character's struggle and I am gaining added specialness for adding another great struggle to an already big and dramatic life story. "Look at me and what I am going through...now!"  I hate it but my ego loves it! 

It Doesn't have to be this way!

I am choosing pain because it is what I know but it doesn't have to be this way. We do not have to suffer or struggle.  We do not have to play this part or live this story.  There is another way.  There truly is one solution for every problem and it is a spiritual one. Most steps toward enlightenment begin with this desire to get past ego's need for pain.

We can choose differently.  We can choose joy, our natural state of being that God has created in us instead.  If we put down ego's dramas and the scripts it tells us we need to play in order to survive we will see there is another way.    When we choose the "Self" over the little 'self/me' ...there is no need for drama. When we put down our need to be 'special' and separate which is not who we are and see ourselves as Who we really are (One Self)......struggle just goes away.

Life circumstance may not change but we will!

Life circumstance doesn't necessarily get easier. What I am witnessing with my physical eyes may not change. Life will be life with its ups and its downs...but when we are ready to choose differently...we will approach life circumstance differently. We will respond to it without ego's drama.  We will see that we do not need  'specialness' and that even at a deeper level we do not want it. 

When we return to experiencing the natural state of joy beneath all these mental modifications...we will be able to observe the ups and downs of human experience peacefully.    When we put away the 'I' identity and experience Life as the Self...all misery goes away.  It is the story the mind clings to about who we are and whatever is going on in our lives that causes the pain...not the actual life circumstance.

Everything the little "i' identity clings to will create misery at some point.  In its narcissistic ventures to maintain specialness...it will never find joy.  But when we swap the "me' for Self- which is everything and everyone...we no longer have a selfish need for struggle. "Now we know that selfish thoughts bring misery and selfless ones leave us in peace." (Satchidananda, 2011, page 11).

Hmmm!  Now that is something to think about!

References:

ACIM -workbook- Lesson 190, 210

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011), The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga: Yogaville.

Excuse my rant yesterday.  :)  I had a lovely birthday surrounded by family.  I appreciate all the kindness and well wishes shown to me.

I just realize every now and again how different I am....how different I am from others and how different I am from the person I used to identify myself as.  I am also surprised to discover what makes me excited and what doesn't.  (Well not 'makes me'...but you know what I mean :)).  I prefer ordinary peaceful days that hold no obligation or expectation.  I prefer to be rather than to do.

It's all good.  A little high on paint thinner and have a chest full of paint sand...but it is all good.

Taking the 'special' out of Special Occassion

When you wake up everyday, it's like a new birthday: it's a new chance to be great again and make great decisions.
- Poo Bear (https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/birthday)


I am not sure if this is a part of the awakening process or a part of the getting older and crankier one, but I don't care too much about celebrating "special" occasions. I don't see everything as 'special' just because society deems it as such. I go along with them and do what is socially expected of me but I really do not see their significance of creating more social recognition through partying and making it known. I don't get excited...I don't go out of my way to plan and organize.  I don't care how it appears. 

As far as I am concerned, a birthday is just another day on the calendar regardless if it is your 60th or your second, retirement from work is just stopping doing something you did for a long time......and though finishing 13 years of school and  graduation is a big milestone that should be celebrated and honored...do we need to buy 700 dollar dresses that the person is only going to wear once for a few hours or stress our selves out to have these lavish celebrations?  Shouldn't it be about 'joy' more so than stress?

Where do we draw the line between honoring a milestone and getting lost in social expectation and competition?  Are we celebrating the individual accomplishment or being ritualistic? Is it about the person who was born on this date so many years ago, the one who is stepping away from a job or graduating or are we simply compelled to keep celebrating by doing what everyone else is doing to appease social norms?  Is this about the human being or the human-doing?   Oh man...this is the time where I realize just how unlike other people I really am.lol I don't get it.  I just don't get it.

Oh do not get me wrong...I believe people should be celebrated.  They should be honored and appreciated for years spent on this planet, for the service they provided or provide to humanity , for the learning that they have done. But do we need a 'special' occasion?

Man, do I sound cranky on my birthday or what?.lol.  Yep...it is my birthday and I don't really want to celebrate it in the way society deems as correct. I don't want my family to feel like they have to "buy me something" or take me out.   I don't even seem to feel comfortable with "Happy Birthday!" anymore. It all just seems to be based on 'social expectation'.  I don't want any 'special' attention today.

I am not 'special' because I was born on this date 55 years ago. I am not 'special' because of this personality others have come to know as Mom, sister, friend or partner.  There is no 'special'...maybe that is why I find it hard to celebrate...I am learning there is no 'special'....no special date, no special occasion, no special little me.  :)

Maybe we should just wish people on all these so called special occasions, "Happy Day!" Let's just celebrate Life in general.  I have been in this body which is forever changing :) for 55 glorious years and I am so grateful. Let's celebrate every breath we can take....every moment instead of years of marked and mentally constructed time. Instead of stress, expectation, obligation...I want people to just appreciate Life with me on my birthday....to feel joy. I want to feel 'joy'...that is my birthday wish for myself.  I want to feel peace, joy, gratitude  and love and no external designation of 'special' can give me that.  

As I write this, my sister is leaving me a message on my voice mail.  She always calls all of her siblings on their birthday to sing them happy birthday.  She prefers to leave it as a message. That's sweet!   Do I hear joy in her voice?

It's all good. "Happy Celebration of Life. Happy Day" to all.

Going away to discover you can't go away.

Every once in a while, people need to be in the presence of things that are really far away.
-Ian Frazier (https://www.lifehack.org/315715/10-quotes-for-those-who-need-get-away-right-now)



Been away and it did wonders for my mind and body.  One night away with D.  and I came back  lighter, rejuvenated and with a bit more energy.  I even had the oompf to clean the house when I came home...yep and I did it with a smile on my face.  I felt good. 

We have been trying to get things done around here so we can sell...a mini split and the help of my daughter helped to give me enough zip to begin the cupboard painting. Still it is very tiring and the added mess leads to more visual chaos surrounding me, which in feng shui terms ...is mentally and emotionally chaos inducing.  I also...as we all do ...have a lot of life situations  going on around me and I am still challenged in my ability to mentally and physically pull away from it.  The world around me has been weighing  heavy on me (so I perceive).  D. took me 'away' from it all for a day even though I didn't think that was going to change anything.   Did it?

Does getting away change us?

So coming home with this energy was surprising and thrilling.  I even started to think things like..."Man!  It is all gone.  I am so much better!  I am healed! Life is going to be so different from now on. All I have to do is get away from the stress every now and again. "   I was convinced once again that the mind heals the body and the awareness of Spirit heals the mind.

Does it last?

Then when I got up this morning and stuck my head out in the humid air...I deflated like a balloon.  Humidity and my condition (okay...the condition of symptoms I have been believing are my reality lol) do not get along.  ZAPPED! With the deflation of physical energy and the  return of these symptoms as well as the reminder of my life circumstances,  I begin to doubt my direction for healing. I said to myself, "It's gone!  That joy...that energy...is gone."

Or is it?

I do believe that the mind can heal.  Well I believe if we heal the mind  the body will follow suit.  I do believe that.  That belief is not gone but that 'experiencing and feeling' of it has slipped away because ego has popped back in.  What I felt yesterday was the 'natural' way I was intended to feel...or at least an introduction to it.  We are meant to feel physically well and vibrant.  We are meant to feel peace and joy.  When we don't, our mind is being clouded once again with mental modifications. It is the mind that is interfering with our natural state of being.

When we get down physically or mentally because of our reaction to bodily and life situations...ego sees a chance to come in and shake a finger in our direction ( with the support of 80% of  all other humans with active  egos :)) "That's all craziness.  See what the humidity does to you? If you are sick you are sick.  If life situations are challenging...life is challenging.  You cannot solve these problems with your mind, crazy lady!   Get real!"

But I can!

But I can!  And I will.  That's what something stronger and more powerful tells me.  I know I am not a body...with the mind's help I can heal in the truest sense of the word so that trips away are not necessary to bring me back to who I really am.

Lessons Learned

There are several little things I learned from this little experience:

1. Accept that the change may not seem to last:  This learning to control the mind thing is no easy task.  :) Yogis spend their lives in caves meditating trying to master this...so don't beat yourself up if you are, like me, still in the process of mastering the mind at the most basic levels. In the beginning, these moments of experiencing our natural states: wellness, vibrant energy, peace  and joy,  will likely be few and far between, lasting only briefly.  It may take time, lots of time, for us to get beyond the need for time.
2. Appreciate the natural state when you experience it.  Every glimpse of our natural states of being are to be cherished and appreciated.  We can stay where I was in the "It was here and now it is gone!" mentally and moan and complain about the  loss of it ...or we can appreciate when we do experience it, revel in it as a reminder that it is there waiting for us to return to it.
3. Know the only thing keeping us from experiencing wellness and joy are these mental modifications:  The mind stuff is what is preventing us from experiencing what exists beneath it...our natural state.  If we can control the mind ...we can control everything. It's not the stressors, the bodily symptoms or the weather...that is pulling us from that...but the mind.
4. Know nothing can pull us from that natural state:  We need to see that we are that natural state ...and that is a permanent unchanging thing.  Nothing is pulling us away because it can't.  We are simply not always 'aware of it' in terms we can experience and feel because of the junk we are telling ourselves...because of our identification with ego and the chaotic world around us. This idea of being pulled away...is just an idea.  When we don't experience peace and wellness or feel it...we have simply lost awareness of what is always there.  Our natural state goes nowhere, nor does it change.
5. Physically step away until you can mentally step away:  It is okay to take a break from the external world's idea of stress.  Take mini vacations: leave the situation that 'seems' to be stressful for a few hours or a few days if you can.  When you step away physically, it is easier to step away mentally and when you step away mentally...the body recuperates from the damaging blows the mind has unleashed on it.
6. Know that it is possible to know who you are without going anywhere.  There is only one solution to every problem and that is control of the mind.  We will all eventually learn that if we can learn to control our monkey minds.  Wherever we go out there, doesn't change who we are in here.

"That means behind all these ever changing phenomena is a never changing One. That One appears to change because of our mental modifications. So, by changing your mind, you change everything.  If we could only understand this point, we would see that there is nothing wrong outside; it is all in the mind. " (Satchidananda, 2011, peace is every breath...lol...wrong book...The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali)

All is Well in my world.

Freedom

Freedom

Not this body, but carried by it

not this mind, but using it

not of this world, but creating it

Not doing life, but Being It.

 

 

 

A Bad Translation

Stillness is the language God speaks.  Everything else is a bad translation.
-Eckhart Tolle teachings


 What's this nonsense then about stillness and presence when the world around us is obviously so busy?  Imagine being still in this world. We all have clocks and calenders in our lives...telling us where we need to be and what we need to do in the next  moment, away from this one which only has the purpose of taking us to the next one. And this idea about waking up and being more conscious, that we will become aware that we are living with a delusion in an illusion.  Are you on drugs crazy lady?

We know what is real and what isn't; we know who we are!

No, I am not on drugs but Yes, I am still a bit crazy because I am not completely awake yet. I was even crazier when I thought in the way above.  I still do from time to time. I slip.  I still find myself occasionally looking at a bad translation of truth.  Why?  Because I am not always aware of stillness.  I still get lost from time to time in this idea that I know.

The Beauty of Not Knowing

Not knowing implies that you are not thinking.  Socrates once agreed with the oracle' of Delphi's comment that he was the wisest of all men. He said he was the wisest because he was the only man who knew he knew nothing. True consciousness  or presence he believed, is the only wisdom...it is the essence of who we are.  He urged over and over again, Man, know thyself!   And we know by not knowing...by being.

Whose Crazy?

If we are not aware of our essence...who we are...are we not crazy? Tolle describes this state of not knowing as what happens when we are in alert presence, stillness and spaciousness. When we are conscious, like Socrates was, there is access to the Being dimension within us. When we are not living in an idea, thought, belief system of who we are and are simply being that ...we are awakened.  Otherwise we are asleep.  We are crazy.

Every human being who is not yet awakened has some form of craziness within them.  Even when we are on our way to becoming enlightened we still have elements of craziness within us. When we feel ego taking over, when we get lost in the drama of world events splattered over papers and computer screens, when we define ourselves by what we do and what others think we are, when we react to the behaviours of others with defence and attack, when we find ourselves rushing and bustling our way through this moment, this here and now  just so we can get to the next one......we are slipping into unconsciousness again. And if we haven't even gotten to the point that we are aware that we are off the mark and are convinced that we know...then we are really unconscious; we are really crazy.

What's real or unreal?  They are just words, ideas. There is no knowledge found in words, images, descriptions or thought.  Those belong to ego.  And ego takes us anywhere but to the truth. It translates very poorly.

Truth can only be heard in stillness.  When we get beyond thought and ego and listen to the Divine within us.  There is no way of knowing that...only Being that.  Being that is the only thing that is important.  It is the only language that is true.  Everything else is a bad translation.

All is well.

References:

https://www.pbs.org/empires/thegreeks/characters/socrates_p4.html


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02Vx2mUXsB8

Imagination's Canvas

This world is but a canvas to our imagination.
-Henry David Thoreau (https://www.brainyquote.com/authors/henry_david_thoreau)

If you want to view paradise

simply look around and view it

Anything you want to do, do it

If you want to change the world,

there is nothing to it.

-Roald Dahl (Pure Imagination)



If you could paint anything you wanted onto this background, what would you paint? (Please don't say the Teletubbies lol)

 

 

What matters it, that all around

Danger, and guilt, and darkness lie,

If but within our bosom's bound

We hold a bright, untroubled sky,

Warm with ten thousand mingled rays

Of suns that know no winter days?

-Emily Bronte (To Imagination)

 

https://www.poemhunter.com/poems/imagination/page-1/16644/

 

 



Freedom or Confusion in Not Knowing?

Freedom is given you where you beheld but chains and iron doors.  But you must change your mind about the purpose of the world, if you would find escape.
-ACIM-W-200:5:1-2


Hmm!  I am going to step back a bit and listen to the words that came sputtering out of me onto the page over the last few entries.  You are not the only one who may have been confused by them...let me tell ya lol. I am.

I have to think about why these things  are coming out and whether or not I should (I know ...one of the bad words lol)  share them here.  I read so much, I listen to so much outside and inside of me, I 'feel' so much and I write to understand.  This stuff literally just comes pouring out of me.  I cannot seem to stop it any more than I could stop a cut from bleeding.  I could cover it, put something over it but isn't that what got us into this confused mess in the first place lol? 

Anyway...I am not an expert!  I know nothing!  I really don't know anything and it is actually quite an experience.  The more I realize this, the more I pull away from the way I used to live and function on a daily basis. I can't seem to function the way I used to.  I do not socialize like I used to because when I am around people I realize that I do not know all the things I used to think I knew and we used to share.  I don't know them...I mean I see egos and personalities but I know that isn't them ...so I find myself staring at people in such a different way.  It's like, "Wow! Who are you?" (And I know they are saying the same about me because I appear so different to them.) ...I say so little...I listen but I find myself bored with social chit chat or petty problems...I want to hear  about the 'meaning of life' and peace.  (And very few people want to talk about that lol). I am becoming so reclusive.  I do not need people the way I thought I did. I still care very deeply but in a deeper more connected way that doesn't quite make sense to me yet. (another bad word lol)

I do not enjoy what I thought used to be so much fun but I revel in being able to sit outside on a beautiful evening and listen to the wind through the trees or watch as the light changes.   I do not need 'excitement' and thrills. I don't need to 'do'.  I see all the 'numbing' behaviours going on around me and I feel sad...the use of substances, mindless activities, work etc to dull or distract us from the life experience saddens me deeply.  Don't get me wrong, I see it in myself too. I want it to be different or at least, I want to see it differently.

I am knowing less and less and changing more and more. How can I share what I don't know? And how come it sometimes comes out of me like I do know?  It is all so bizarre...so wonderfully freeing, awkward, nonsensical and amazing at the same time.   

So I caution you to take what I write here with a grain of salt.  I can't validate the 'knowing' only the information that comes from sources that have come to me.  I can tell you that it feels so right regardless of how confusing it may seem to those reading and to myself.  It feels right. But I definitely do not know!

All is well in my world.

Knowing Self

To know and not to be[or feel] is not to truly know.
-Adyashanti

I Do Not Know

I want to confess, just in case I am coming off otherwise... I do not know Self fully and completely yet. (I used that 'yet' word to create hope lol).  I am no further ahead in my 'knowing' than anyone else. This blog is not about my expert ability to pass 'knowing' on to others either.  I have no expertise that will take us further on our silly little journeys to knowing this elusive It  with our minds.  I simply write as someone learning about the desire most of us have, regardless if we know it or not, to simply experience Who We Really Are fully.  I can't take you there.  I can't take me there lol.

'I' is not Who We Really Are

Because I am using words, metaphors, ideas and images to explain something that really cannot be explained; because I am using 'mind 'to describe something so far beyond mind... it gets confusing and I often confuse myself lol. 

The 'I' that doesn't know is of course this idea of me that mind created. If this 'I' knew I would feel that knowledge truly and fully not just  with my mind but my whole being and  I would be 'feeling Self' all the time. Right now as I write I would recognize that I can't  be anything but IT. If I was there...there would be no talk of journey or getting there or  not being there 'yet' or on a part time basis. I would simply Be from that state. There would be no need for thought.

Though I have felt It from time to time and 'I' know Self is in me...mind still gets in the way to either pull me back into the 'idea of knowing Self' so I don't stay there in the being and feeling of It.  Again I stress the 'I' to be the one my mind or ego created, that part of me that  doesn't stay there in the knowing Who I Really Am Space..  I am not always aware of being there.  But in all truth the I that Self recognizes as an extension of Itself in this physical form...doesn't go anywhere.  It is always is. I am always there, just not knowing it truly or fully yet.

Mind or Whole Being Knowing?

As long as mind is busy explaining, narrating, pointing, describing this place where Who I  Truly Am is I know nothing.  I am in my head not the heart knowing.  I like how Adyashanti describes the feeling of  truly knowing in his video Why mindfulness isn't enough.  When we finally get it when we finally know it is like finally getting a joke...we feel it all over, we giggle, we laugh and even when we say, "Oh! I get it." our whole body sings along. When we feel that knowing, we are there.

True knowing is different than mind knowing.  True knowing is feeling the truth, Being the truth.  There is no doubt.  Mind knowing is thinking the truth, using words, ideas, images to describe the truth,Man can only have a doubt when there is a possicility of doubt. (Mooji)

When we know Self truly there is no possibility of doubt.  Self doesn't doubt Itself, doesn't leave Itself, doesn't get pulled into mind.  Self always just is.  To Be is to Know.

Knowing Self with the mind is limited, and truly not what we want.  We want to know Self with our entire being...to be giddy with it because we finally "got it."

The mind cannot intimidate the pure Self, it can only intimidate the idea we have of our Self...that comes from the mind. (Mooji)

Mooji takes us there again and again with his invitation.  What is this Self he takes us to?  It is something that cannot be described or explained.  It has no form, no shape, no size, no color...it has "NOTHING" .  It is simply emptiness and space.  That is our true consciousness.  That is not just where we are, it is who we are.

There is no cloud inside a cloud;

There is no tree inside a tree;

There is no man inside a man.
There is only consciousness
and the Life force expressing.

 

-Mooji, On the Concept 'You must have a purpose'

References


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mm8QYnQKqss

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJZOyGOmuwE

 

Ahimsa and Letting Go

In the presence of one firmly established in nonviolence, all hostilities cease.
-Patanjali (Sri Swami Satchidananda)

What is violence and what injures?

We often think of violence as that which causes physical injury to another.  But what is violence actually?  The Sanskrit term himsa means to cause pain.  That pain is not necessarily physical in nature but it can be.  Anytime we say a negative word to another or even when we think a negative thought about another we are in fact being violent, according to the teachings of many wise masters including Patanjali and Christ. So our minds can injure as well as our bodies.  We condemn in many ways.

Who gets injured?

Of course, most of us believe that the only person who gets injured by such acts of violence are the targets for our wrong doing.  And we often see ourselves as the target of himsa from others.

Is it just the target that is harmed?  Most spiritual teachings will explain that the one inflicting the pain on another is just as likely to suffer as the one who receives the unkind act, thought or word. ACIM teaches that if you condemn, you can be injured. When we throw a blow at another, say an unkind thing about or to another or when we think cruel thoughts we are only harming ourselves in the long run.

What happens when we or others perceive violence or condemnation?

Think about it.  If you thought I was about to attack you what would you do?  You would do what you could to defend and protect yourself first of all.  Remember that defense is a form of attack. 

You may equip yourself with a firearm to protect me from you.  If you shoot me, in your defense when you perceive me attacking you,  you are the one being violent, are you not? We call it "self-defense" but it is still himsa.  You will be causing pain to another and you will be causing pain for yourself.  No matter how society sanctions it, you will have to live with the knowing that you seriously harmed or killed another being.

What if you thought I was saying unkind things to you or about you?  What will you do then? In your hurt and your anger and your fear...will you not say unkind things back?  Will you not attack me directly or at least go to another and say, "Do you know what she said about me?  She is so cruel, so mean. etc etc"  You may go so far as to get the authorities involved on grounds of harassment, defamation etc. That too is a form of attack.

And what about our thoughts.  If you assumed that a crowd of people you had to walk through were condemning you for one reason or another, that they disliked you and that they were in fact thinking 'unkind' thoughts about you...what would be going on in your head as you walked through?  Would you be thinking how wonderful all those people were or would you be thinking how mean they were?  Would you be on the mental defensive, ready to attack?

Now...just the opposite is true.  If you were condemning yourself, thinking unkind thoughts, saying cruel things or actually physically harming yourself, will others be hurt by that? Yes.  Those that know you and love you, and even those that don't, will hurt for you.  And if we blame or insinuate that someone else is to blame for the way we feel about ourselves we are hurting them...leading to guilt and judgement.

Violence creates violence; hostility creates hostility and himsa creates himsa. Illusion creates illusion.

What is the answer then?

There are two things we can do to get rid of hostility.  We can practice ahimsa and we can forgive and let go.

What is Ahimsa?

Ahishma is one of Patanjali's Yamas and involves making a commitment to not purposefully inflict pain on another being.  Gandhi lived by this as well as many of the other saints who walked or walk in our world. He was able to establish freedom for his nation without lifting a hand against anyone. People felt peace in his presence.  Saint Francis of Assissi was another being who practiced ahimsa and it was said that wild animals flocked to him and felt safe in his presence. 

When we put aside our need to defend and attack, when we adopt a commitment to non violence hostility ceases.  If you knew I was perfectly harmless would you feel the need to protect yourself from me?  Would you feel the need to point a gun at me,  to foster negative opinion about me to protect your idea of 'self' or think unkind thoughts?  You wouldn't feel you had to, would you?

So if all beings on this planet vowed to be non violent, would there be a need for national defense, border protection and war?

Ahimsa then can save us from ourselves.

Forgiveness and Letting Go of the Illusion.

How on earth are we going to get to the point we do not need to defend against attack? You know what that world is like, what people are like.  It's crazy out there...get real...we can't realistically practice ahimsa!

Is the world as crazy and as threatening as we perceive it to be?  What if I were to tell you that: Injury is impossible.  And yet illusion makes illusion. (ACIM-W-198: 1:1-2)? Would you swallow the idea that the world isn't crazy but we are?  That the world cannot hurt us anywhere but in our minds.  ACIM  and Yoga teaches that the only thing we need to defend against is our crazy, mixed up minds that are feeding us one illusion after another.

To change perception so we see the world clearly, all we need to do is to forgive. When you feel condemned, persecuted , being treated unkindly instead of picking up that shield or that weapon, instead of justifying the need for violence in any form...just say to yourself.  "...forgive them for they know not what they do." (Luke 23:34).  For the truth is, they, you, know not what you are doing.

Our monkey minds are feeding us with a whole bunch of crazy nonsense that seems pretty darn real...but it isn't.  It is just thought, story  and distorted perception creating fear.

Forgiveness, is recognizing that the injustice we are perceiving, the violence we are witnessing is just an illusion that cannot really hurt who we really are. When we wake up from this nightmare, we are no longer afraid and therefore no longer in need of defense and attack. 

As long as I am defending.  As long as I am attacking.  As long as I am condemning for whatever reason...I am stuck in a nasty dream of violence. But if I forgive others and myself and let go of this illusion I wake up. Condemn and you are made a prisoner.  Forgive and you are freed. (ACIM-w-198:2:1-2)

When we let go of the illusions that keep us stuck there will be no need for violence.  Ahimsa is the natural consequence. Peace within and peace without is what follows.

Now is there silence all around the world.

Now is there stillness

where there was before

a frantic rush of thoughts that made no sense.

Now is there tranquil light

across the face of the earth,

made quiet by a dreamless sleep.

(ACIM-W-198:11-1-3)

 

 

All is well!

Gratitude & Forgiveness

[Self-Gratitude]...is the second step we take to free your mind from the belief in outside force pitted against your own.
-ACIM W-197:1:1

Say What????

To make today's topic a little clearer, I want you to think very deeply about these other words from ACIM that I want to share with you now.

You make attempts at kindness and forgiveness.  Yet you turn them to attack again, unless you find external gratitude and lavish thanks.  Your gifts must be received with honor, lest they be withdrawn.
-ACIM W-197:1:2-4 

How true does that ring for you?  Honestly?  I know how true it rings for me.  I talk about being kind and forgiving others but there still lingers an ego expectation with that offering.  I want to be recognized and appreciated for it.  If I perform a kind act...ego still wants to be rewarded.  I want to hear a 'thank you' from those I helped or from the world. If I don't hear that thank you, I might go so far as to think the person is rude and unappreciative and decide I don't want to help them any more. Or even go farther and 'attack' by saying to someone else, "Do you know what I did for that person?  Look at how they responded.  How rude, eh?"  

What about forgiveness?  Many times we forgive from a place of ego superiority.  "I will forgive you and by so doing I am raising myself above you.  My turning the other cheek makes me more 'Christ-like' for all the world to see therefore much more superior to you, you little sinner."  Is that forgiveness?  And how many times do we say, "I forgive you but...."

Are we not looking for external gratitude and honor when we give in this way?  Are we even giving?

Lesson 197 teaches that the only gratitude we can ever earn is our own and the only act that is worthy of it occurs when we let go of our illusions.  When we look at the injustices that seem to be coming from others as things that are not real and that cannot hurt who we really are we are forgiving in the real sense, in the only sense.  We are doing so unconditionally...not holding onto if, whens or buts. Not waiting for some 'external reward' to come back to us. 

The reward we get for doing so is internal! We earn our own gratitude for freeing ourselves of these illusions that kept us stuck.

All good!

Satya

First follow truth, and truth will follow you.
-Sri Swami Satchidananda , The Yoga sutras of Patanjali

In an article  written over a year ago, I had used a graphic from another site to illustrate a point and did so without permission from the author or illustrator.  I am responsible for that.  I had intended to reference it and I never did.  I am sorry to whomever owned the rights. 

I guess, what makes it worse is that  in my honest expression of my views about a model of thought that so many still have faith in today, I unintentionally discounted a profession that does so much good and I discounted the people who still adhere to the ideology that is the foundation for the model and the profession.  It was not my 'obvious' intention to 'hurt' but to express an opening of my own mind that took me beyond this ideology. I thought I was simply being honest.

Honesty without ill intent is necessary if we want to think and feel better; if we want the world to think and feel better. I expressed a point of view that I still adhere to strongly. I rationalize by telling myself  I was practicing 'satya'  one of the pillars of Yama in yoga and following the wisdom of Patanjali when he said, " To one established in truthfulness, actions and their results become subservient."

 I was being honest, but for the right reasons?

Patanjali also said, "If by being honest we will cause trouble, difficulty or harm to anyone, we should keep quiet." I reread the post and I see now there was still anger and resentment in my tone based on my own 'perception' of my experience with this model. My honest expression was also a venting and when we vent we often blame....whether it be done covertly or overtly, doesn't matter.  If we have any sense of grievance in our hearts when we express 'honesty' we are blaming someone or something. I was using the post to express a grievance of a past experience that has ( and still to some degree) causes me great frustration and anguish).  I was blaming the model for that and I was blaming the people who follow that model for that. Part of me wanted to hurt someone or something somewhere because I felt hurt.  It did feel good to vent lol...it was an 'ego' good though not a true Self one.  "...the ego, under what it sees as threat, is quick to cite the truth to save its lies." (ACIM W-196:2:2) I should have kept quiet!

How do I know offense led to offense?

Well ego still demands I look at the stats everyday and tells me  the usual stuff we tell ourselves, "It would be nice to see who is following and what posts they are reading?  Man, I  wrote that over a year ago...I  better run over it for grammar and writing errors, etc etc"  So I opened up for a reread. When I saw the pic was taken down I knew that someone had done  something about it.  I figured it was done because their ego was a little ticked off from finding the pic on such a post and from what I wrote...as it is allowed to be.  I understand.

Venting, done to tell a story that passes blame regardless of the nature of the grievance, is not something I want to continue doing.  I want to effect change.  I want to do my part in opening the eyes and minds of others.  But I have no right to assume or judge something as wrong or right nor do I have the right to judge others for their opinions.

I learned a lesson."you will realize that to attack another is but to attack yourself." I will strive to do better in my quest for satya and Yama. Someday, I will get to where I want to be.

I wouldn't worry too much though if you find yourself somehow discredited on my site lol...few read it.  Still that is not the point, I know.  I will do better from now on.

All is well

References:

ACIM Lesson 196

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogieville: Integral Yoga Publications

Praying with Gratitude and Love

Gratitude goes hand in hand with love, and where one is the other must be found.
-ACIM W-195:10:2

Love is the way I walk in gratitude.

I love this lesson on gratitude from ACIM  and I agree with it.  Yesterday we spoke of imaginative love as described by Neville Goddard way back in the 40's and 50's when The Secret and this whole idea of manifesting was nothing more than hocus pocus and voodoo magic. (For many it still is). Imaginative love is a way of making the world a better place through mental focus and concentration on the well being potential of all.

Goddard wasn't a pioneer though in this area. Yogis have been talking about how the world is nothing more than a reflection of the mind for over 15,000 years.  In Sri Swami's translation of the Yoga Sutras, Patanjali's view of such is discussed in detail:  "The entire outside world is based on your thoughts and mental projections. The entire world is your own projection."

I wonder if Goddard's ideology was inspired by Patanjali.  Using different terminology, both refer to the distorted reflection of self we have when the mind is overrun with these mental modifications and how when it is clear, when we change the way we think, we can see the true Self clearly.

What does this have to do with being grateful? 

If our lives are merely a reflection of what is going on in our heads and if we are feeling miserable, stuck in a life pattern we do not want we have to change the way we think and feel.  We will want our lives to be different. In order  for  that apparent change in life pattern to occur we don't necessarily have to put great effort into it and do, do, do.  We just need to allow it to happen at the mental level. We have to somehow still the monkey mind and then feel better. 

That feeling better is going to firstly  involve a certain acceptance of where we are at the present moment so we can connect with that now.  It will involve what we spoke about yesterday...a certain forgiveness and a letting go of resistance to the present moment.  Remember that acceptance of life  as it is now doesn't mean you stop wanting it to be different, you just stop the fighting and struggling against it and simply settle into what is.  The monkey mind just gets busier the more we resist. Letting go of resistance is not giving up. It is a necessary step to gratitude and living better.

When we settle into quiet  stillness, when the monkey mind stops jumping around, we can focus on what we want. Or we can at least feel better.  We can settle into the "divine' space where higher energy feelings like mercy, pity[sympathy/empathy/compassion], , peace and love exist. 

Pray

From that place we can then pray in a way that the Native Americans have done for years, in a way that Goddard and others have taught us to do.  Pray like you are already where you want to be and pray with gratitude for that.  "My third way of praying is simply to feel thankful. If I want something for myself or another, I immobilize the physical body, then I produce the state akin to sleep and in that state just feel happy, feel thankful which thankfulness implies realization of what I want."

Get quiet, feel better and be grateful when you pray.

The 18th century poet William Blake says it so beautifully in his poem, The Divine Image:

To mercy, pity, peace and love

All pray in their distress

And to these virtues of delight

return their thankfulness

 

And what does that have to do with love?

Well from forgiveness, we progress to peaceful gratitude and from gratitude we see clearly that everything is love. "When your forgiveness is complete you will have total gratitude, for you will see that everything has earned the right to love by being loving, even as your Self. (ACIM w-195:8:6).  Seeing love instead of fear we feel faith instead of doubt and our lives turn around according to that faith. More importantly, we realize how connected we are to everything and everyone and we want the same for all.

I guess the only way to prove that is to  try it. :)

It's all good.


References:

ACIM Lesson 195

https://freeneville.com/free-neville-goddard-the-third-way/

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga

Sharma, K.N. "The Divine Image by William Blake: Summary and Critical Analysis." BachelorandMaster, 24 Nov. 2013, bachelorandmaster.com/britishandamericanpoetry/the-devine-image.html

Imaginative Love

Never, never lose sight of the power that is within you. Imaginative love lifts the invisible into sight and gives us water in the dessert.  It builds for the soul its only fit abiding place. Beauty, love and all of good report are the garden, but imaginative love is the way into the garden.
-Neville Goddard, By Imagination We Become

Hmmm!  I am pretty perplexed by these words.  They pull me into something I do not as of yet completely understand.

I do believe there is a power and a light within us all.  Goddard calls this power 'Imaginative Love' and from what I can understand from his essay, imaginative love is actually the visualization of our essence. When we can imagine who we really are, which is love because God is Love, we will see who we really are.  We will see the truth.  We will be quenched of the thirst we long to be rid of.

Focusing our attention on "Love" allows us to reach our spiritual center. It allows us to 'awaken'.  When we awaken we create a welcoming  place for our Soul.  What do we achieve when we do that? : Beauty, the experience of love and all the good in the world. How do we get there...by imagining Love.



Love is just not about the little self...it is about the greater Self.  So imaginative love is compassion for all.  In that compassion we want to bring everyone to the garden with us. Love takes us beyond the egoic needs of 'me' to the grander needs of all.

We all have this power, this light within us and we can use our imagination to pull it out.

 

All is well in my world.

References:

Goddard, Neville (2011) The Law and Other Essays on Manifesting. Sublime books, Kindle Edition.

Forgiveness and Letting Go

Let no one hour casts its shadow on the one that follows, and when that one goes, let everything that happened in its course go with it.
-ACIM W-193:12:4


"I will forgive, and this will disappear".  

Imagine...calling others leeches...that doesn't sound much like letting go or forgiveness, does it?  I was not really referring to other people as leeches but robotic search engine sites...that redirect ppl here.  And I was not putting down Yandex...the Russian equivalent to Google...just the redirect hackings that get attached to it.  Spam is no big deal...does no harm...that is why I use the term leeches. 

The only thing that gets stung with such spamming  is ego when it realizes it isn't special lol...which is a good thing.  I want ego to get stung again and again and again.  I want it to swell up so much it spontaneously combusts :) or  gradually but quickly shrink down to a manageable size. So it is all good. 

So let's get to the topic of today:  Forgiveness and Letting Go.

I do not want to talk about forgiveness in terms of morality because I do not want to talk about others or ourselves needing to "repent" according to those terms. Morality is a social construct based on what the majority or the powerful determine is "right" or "wrong" ...often using some interpretation of God as the reference point.

Did you know that the actual translation of repent from Greek is 'to change one's mind'?  So yes we all need to repent because we are all "guilty" of thinking wrongly about ourselves and about others.  This is the basis of forgiveness in ACIM and in the essays of a man named Neville Goddard who taught his ideologies in the 40's and 50's.

Many were afraid of what he had to say and deemed him to be some messenger of the occult but if one reads his work they will simply see that he may have laid the real seed behind "The Secret".  Many of his ideas can be found in yoga teachings and  ACIM .

Regardless of that he makes some wonderful points about our need to let go of conditioned ways of looking at the world and ourselves.  Like A Course does,  he implies that what we think is real, isn't.  and our holding on to it is the closest thing to sin that is possible.  And all we have to do to correct it is to forgive it or let go of it. 

We don't need to cling to grievances and the things that others , ourselves or life is doing 'wrong'.  The only penance needed is for us to perceive differently.  If we let go of our thoughts on what we don't want in our lives...those things will cease to be. "Nothing is independent of the perceiver. Everything is 'burned up' when I cease to behold it." (The Law). 

It never ceases to amaze me as how all the little teachings I receive occur synchronistically. This lesson in A Course and this lesson in Goddard's essay came to me at the same time and they echo the same thing to me..."The sin we need to look at is that which occurs because we  are seeing incorrectly. We repent when we change our minds and begin to see differently. Letting  Go is forgiveness. When we let go of grievances every hour...we develop healthier habits and a better way to live in the next  hour...and the next...and the next.

Hmmm!  I have a feeling I will be getting back to that.

All is well.

Got a match? I got a leech on me.

Feed your own ego, I'm busy.
-Kushandiwisdom


I know I occasionally go on and on about my readership or lack of but believe me that behaviour is not intended to induce pity from you or from myself.  I am just trying to understand how to do what I feel so compelled to do.  :) I want to reach people...it doesn't have to be many.  As I said before I will continue as long as I am making a difference in one person's life...even if that person is me. lol.  Not ego but something much greater is driving me.  I am not saying that ego isn't present because it is still  my  noisy and annoying back seat driver on this ride.

Ego got another little burn. I suddenly received a number of viewers over the last few days and I was excited.  I thought I was connecting to a larger audience again (getting 25 + a day...which may not seem like much to some but it makes a perfect class size for me:))....I was getting what I wanted to say out there.  I was confident that of all the new readers I "seemed" to be getting, there would be 2-3 who would really "get it" and benefit from it.  My teaching and learning desire would be supported. 

I decided to check out the new, much appreciated site that seemed to be "following" this blog.  It turned out to be, as shocked as I was, a sex site...connected to me (I assume...and we all know we should not assume)  via the yandex redirect that showed up a few months ago. I was floored, embarrassed that I let ego get inflamed again, and angry.  I am not judging the site or those who use it....I am just upset that this site and me, who is practicing continence in Brahmacarya Yama (look it up lol), is so not fitting with the message of that site.

It also tells me that no one from that search link is reading.  I have been used as an unsuspecting travel host to carry leeches from one area of this vast cyber lake to the next.  These "leeches" ( such a strong word) do not mean to hurt me, just suck a bit of my blood and go a little distance using my body as the vehicle. It really is only ego that feels the sting of their bites....but I don't want to carry them.  Please get off.  :) Of course, that won't be read that because they aren't actually reading, just being carried.  Do leeches even have eyes?

It is all good.  It is exactly the way it is meant to be for now.  Eventually readership here or elsewhere will be doing what I intend it to do...reading lol. For now things are the way they are for my learning purposes.  I want to thank again the people I know who are reading this and for letting me know you are.  I also want to thank yandex redirect  for reminding me once again...that my ego still needs a bit of an anti-inflammatory.  Though it is shrinking tremendously...it is still a red and swollen hemorrhoid on my psyche.  Ouch! :)

All good!

A Ramble About Photography

Photography takes an instant out of time, altering life by holding it still.
-Dorothea Lange

The Annoying Cousin and Photography

I was recently told by someone that I was a "good" photographer.  I want to look at that comment without ego sticking its big swollen head in. That isn't easy because I still have one heck of an ego hanging around like one of those annoying cousins who doesn't know its time to leave.  :)

All the photographs you find on this blog ( with the exception of the odd graphic used to illustrate a point [hopefully well cited but I think I may have goofed there from time to time] are mine...Well not mine, really...they came from one of my cameras and I was the one to push or guide the push of the shutter release...but they do not belong to me.  

Creating an Image

I sometimes want others to think they are mine and that I am the creator. (If they are half way decent...that is lol) I may include the specs, from time to time, for ego reasons.  I still want to look like I know more than I do.  I still have so very much to learn and I goof up much more than I get things right.  Still I want to create the image of a photographer.

I feel I can create a professional image if I use the right lingo when in honesty the math and physics part of photography still confuses me.  I finally understand what aperture is and how it effects the image.  I can almost understand what shutter speed, ISO and White balance are and how they effect the image.  I understand the histograms a little better every time I shoot. But I still get tripped up on exposure compensation and always throw my camera settings off when I venture to use that. I still don't know what shutter speed to use if I adjust the aperture or vice versa in a given situation. I follow my gut more than I follow any tech know how.  That doesn't always work out for me lol... I shoot far more pictures that I feel are not worthy enough to share than ones that I do. There is still so much to learn. 

A Natural Inclination

I naturally love light and beauty (the internal and external kind).  My camera, following my eye, is always taken there so I suppose that helps with composition.  I shoot not so much what I think will make a good picture later on but what catches my eye in the moment. ( I have to note her that it has to be quite dramatic if it is going to catch my eye...I do not see clearly lol) .  I want to still that moment as if I can capture time in a jar of megapixels. Illusionary of course.  Like Dorothea Lange who shot the most beautiful and life altering pictures of the depression years, I love to capture the reality of light and life I guess.  Whether or not I do...is another story.

                                 Aperture Priority, f 9, SS 1/2000, ISO 200 55mm

( Had to include the specs.  Otherwise I would be trying to hard not to appease the ego lol. My learning brain is saying: I could have gone manual here, widened the aperture to an F5, sped up the SS and or increase the ISO to brighten it up...but I like the way this feels.  How it will look off the screen I am not sure.)

Passion and Willingness

I have the passion and the willingness to hold the camera to my eye and shoot at some moment I feel compelled to do so.  It is a random thing...not well planned or orchestrated. I don't fret over how people are standing or how perfect they look...I just shoot what feels "real" to me. It is the "realness" I want.  For that reason, I am not practiced or polished and it shows.

Just the person who pushes the button

So can I actually call myself a "good" photographer? Can I  even say I am a photographer? Can I use the term "good" when I so much want to get beyond duality? A good photographer is viewed as one that shoots "good" pictures I suppose. What is a "good" photo?  Just like art that is so subjective.  what I think is good, someone else may call 'awful'. I am just a photographer...hey...I am using "I am"... I need to change that.  I am someone who likes to take pictures; I have a good camera to take pictures with...that is a better description.

A Real Compliment

Another person once told me my pictures move like they are alive.  Now that is a compliment I ( the real me...not the little egoic me) can sink my teeth into.  That is what I want to do...bring a moment to life again and again and again. And there is no judgmental descriptor there so it appeals to something deep within me as validation for what I unknowingly set out to do.  Sure the ego likes it too. :)

It is all good ....even if I just bored you to tears with my talk about photography.  I did not mean to go on about that but I did. My bad:).

All is well.