Let the Light In

Just do what lets the light in!

 I have a conundrum when it comes to balancing my spiritual needs with my human needs as I partake on this journey of Self-realization. Basically, I know I do not want to serve the "me" with its outward grasping for the things it thinks will make it happy and it’s pushing away of the things it believes will disturb it.  I do know, at some deep level, that is not how it works.

Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added onto you. Matthew 6:33

Happiness, love, peace, fulfillment etc. come from the inside. The essence of who we are, Sat Chit Ananda (Existence/Consciousness/Bliss) or the Kingdom of God ...is like a light shining from the core of who we are. This light is encapsulated in a body and mind. Our potential for experiencing the full extent of this inner light ...is covered up with layers and layers of protective and adaptive personality. 

Why?

As lights/souls/higher consciousness...whatever you wish to describe it...we find ourselves on a planet full of ever changing and moving phenomenon.  Life happens around us and to us...as it is meant to do. As beings encapsulated in body and mind, we experience and try to make sense of the events that are unfolding around us: the environments we are in, the family situations;illness, deaths,births and new beginnings...hardships and blessings. All of Life's many unfolding’s are meant to enter our experience and blow right through. We are meant to be these big open vessels for Life to experience Itself through. But they don't pass right through, do they? Things get stuck inside us.

Why do they get stuck?

Somewhere along the line we begin to use the mind to label and judge our experiences.  Some of these experiences that unfold in front of these forms we are in and get more and more attached to, the personal mind judges as "pleasant" because they create a certain energy experience as they pass through our senses. Maybe they tickle, or are soothing, or create a feeling of euphoria in the body. The mind jumps in as a response to those sensations to say, "This feels good! So, this is good!  I want more of than!” The mind then begins to generate emotions related to that experience...excitement and hope...and a sense of possibility.  It uses the body and these emotions to begin looking to the external world for that which will create more of these sensations and emotions.

When something from Life passes through the senses creating a sensation that is painful or heavy...or tense...however…the body and the mind together might make a judgement, "This feels very unpleasant!  I don't like this. I don't want to experience this again!" The mind begins to generate emotions of repulsion, fear, anger, resentment etc. It begins to use the body and its emotions to actively resist such experiences.  Instead of staying open to the experience, it closes. Well, it thinks it closes.  Life is going to attempt pass through us if we are consciously willing it to or not. It is going to come in one way or the other. But if we do not deal with it as it enters the emotionally charged energy around the event will be suppressed or repressed becoming a knot in our physical and mental experience of life. We have created what yoga refers to as a samskara.

We collect these good and bad experiences and begin to label them as what we like and don't like. Thus, the formation of the personality/psyche begins. Its noise becomes very distracting and so all consuming. We tend to focus all our attention and energy on it.   We have essentially formed the first layer around the body and mind. From its formation we begin to see it as who we are. It becomes the "me"....and we develop an intense need to protect it. We begin a lifelong search of the external world for the things that will serve this ‘me’...and we also do whatever we can to manipulate external factors, so they don't disturb it. “Serve not disturb” is ‘me’s’ demand that we so obediently follow.

As we progress through life and as it unfolds around us, we continue to experience things that the mind judges as pleasant and things the mind judges as unpleasant. Because we have already created some knots with this liking and disliking...this grasping for what we want and this pushing away of what we don't want… the layers around the light of who we truly are get thicker and thicker. Our personality gets bigger. Those things we really, really didn't like or couldn't let pass through like trauma, for example, become the dominant traits in this personality development...and the things we really, really like and want more of become the drive of our personality. We focus the Self ‘out there’ to protect and serve the personality, who we believe ourselves to be, as well as the mind and body. The more we give the personality wants, the more it needs and demands.  The more we get what the personality doesn't want, the more we close. We forget there is a light inside us...a light from which true joy and happiness come. Grasping, Clinging, pushing away becomes an endless drama.

Our focus is directed from the personality and the body mind layer outward.

As a yogi I want to turn that focus in the opposite direction. I have learned that we really do not want "me" to get what it wants because it will keep us stuck on this focus direction outward.  I want, instead, to get to the light of who I am.  In order to do that, I have to go through many layers, from the outside in. I need to look deeply into these layers, become aware of how they are in the way, and I have to be willing to let them dissolve away. This "noticing and looking deeply" will dissolve each layer, if it is done with compassion and understanding.

I have already dug so far. I am now stuck, it seems, on a certain layer. I feel somewhat squished between heavy external life events on one side and the heavy emotional energies I am unleashing here from the graves I buried them in on the other. I can’t see much light.

 At this point of the inward excavation, I am not happy with the things that once fulfilled me because I see how insignificant they are…I don’t have false attachment anymore. I am not 100% happy in my relationship at the same time I know my relationship is not responsible for my happiness or lack of. I am not happy in this situation I am in, in this house and family situation but again I know these things are not responsible for my lack of happiness. I am not happy with my lack of money and at the same time I know having money probably wouldn’t make me any happier. These circumstances are just triggering something already inside me wanting to come up and out. It is not a “pleasant” experience for the body and mind or what remains of my personality. I want to feel better but my once effective go-to doesn’t work for me anymore.  I don’t operate on hopes and dream. I no longer escape into a future focus because I learned that doesn’t work in the long run. I want to accept where I am now as I go deeper and deeper rather than allowing this “me” to pull me farther and farther away from what is really important.

My conundrum is that though I see the personality or the “me” as being in the way of my true happiness, and though I know that my inner world is more important than my outer, my external world is still pounding down on me, taking my attention away from my inward mission. My circumstances do not always seem conducive to this process of going inward... I still go. I also see as I debride through the layers that some pretty nasty emotional stuff is being uncovered. I feel sandwiched between the challenges of the external world and the challenges of this inward mission. Sigh.

Still, I continue to peel away the layers…or at least allow them to get peeled away by Life. The personality people once knew me by…say a successful career woman on a higher educational path, a writer, speaker with a good income...mother of four...in a fit body was a shell hiding who I really was. That was my Redeemer ego. When that was stripped away, I found myself in another false layer of who I thought I was…then another…and another. All these layers serve at the time in some way, but they served the adaptive and protective personality not the true Self.  

Well now I realize I am down to shamer ego full of a lot of core beliefs based on trauma messaging and it is nasty lol. As I pull away layers, I am feeling the feelings I stuffed that became knots in me...at the same time I have these external events pounding down on me. Squished! Stuck! Yuck!

I know that the only way out of this is through. I need to get to the center of who I am. I need to remove, or allow to be removed, layer and layer of "me". But I feel stuck, and I cannot see where I am going. It is dark in here.

Where I am right now is not a good feeling place. People refer to it “as the dark night of the soul.”  Though I know it is a part of the process, and I do accept it, I fear, sometimes, it will overwhelm me. I need some light, some joy, some inspiration to trickle through. Just enough to keep me going. Hope and dreams belong to the outward direction approach not the inward. I need the “felt experience” of something powerful and positive to be my light.

As I was sharing this conundrum with someone today…they offered these words.  “Just do what lets the light in”. The moment I heard them…I knew they were to be my mantra. …helping me to move from this place of stuck-ness to the light within. It isn’t like we are supposed to “do nothing” to serve the human as we progress on this journey inward.  This human is what needs the light...the light of who we are. It isn't easy being human. 

We just need to remember where that light comes from…not out there but in here.  Sometimes, however, things from the external world can act as laser beams that penetrate through the layers so the light can shine through.  Find those things and take part in those actions that let the light shine through as you continue digging deeper to the Light within you.

All is well!

Note: I used images from a search for "free images and clip art". Hope I am not stepping on toes!

Removing the Fearful 'Me' So Life Can Blow Through

 

Perhaps Life works better when we stop resisting it.

What if  everything you are going through...every twist , every turn, every so-called mistake  is not random at all?

What if Life isn't happening to you but through you? 

Alan Watts

Hmm! I conceptualize the above statement perfectly.  I believe that Life is just blowing through this "me". I believe that to be true with every ounce of belief making juice I have inside me. It makes perfect sense to my yogic and intellectual mind. More than anything...I WANT to believe it!!

But do I actualize it? Do I "live in this truth"?  Do I have the 'felt experience' of complete non-resistance, trust and openness for Life to just flow through?  Do my external experiences and environment reflect that truth?

Nope! I am still closing.  I am still flinching away with a protective hand up over my face in reaction to  many of  the external events that unfold in front of this human I call "me".  I still feel like I am being punished by life. I am still reacting  and feel a need to protect myself. Who is this 'my self' that I am trying to protect?

'My'is a posessive pronoun used to explain something that belongs to 'me'. Then there is 'self' with a little 's' referring to the ego/ the psyche/ the personality/ the seperate mind/body entity. As long as that is there with its its white knuckled fists pulling the door shut...how are we, as Self,  going to let Life just pour through us? The attention on 'myself' keeps us stuck in this notion that life is happening to us. 

How then do we get this fearful, traumatized 'me' to step back away from the door. Do we yell at it and yank it away?   Of course, not.  That will only scare it, traumatize it farther and make it resist even more.We squat down to its level like we would do with a child; gentlyexplain what is happening in terms it understands; remind it that we will all be better off if we keep the door open so Life can just blow through becasue that is Life's mission and our mission is to allow it to; and then make it excited by saying, "We get to watch the parade! It will be so awesome and cool!" Then we gently take the now relaxed, calm, and willing child out of the way so Life can happen through us.

Sigh! 

All is well.

The Journey Back to Existence/Knowledge/Bliss

 "I am neither the body, nor the organs, nor am I the mind; I am Existence, Knowledge, Bliss absolute; I am He."  This is true knowledge; all reason and intellect, and everything else is ignorance. Where is knowledge for me, for I am knowledge itself! Where is life for me, for I am life itself! I am sure I live, for I am life, the One Being, and nothing exists except through me, and in me, and as me.

Vivekananda on the Advaita...2.6.13, Complete Works 

Spiritual evolution is all about coming back to this knowing, 

Just reality unfolding and consciousness experiencing it.Michael Singer

How close to this realization, are you?   Knowing that can determine how spiritually evolved we are. 

Sometimes we think we are more evolved than we are.

Yoganada once had a devoted follower who was a famous opera singer named Amelita Galli-Curci.  The story goes that after he told all his followers that true freedom and entry into "heaven" would come only when there was no more desire, Amelita said she was convinced that she was free of all desire. "I will enter heaven". He then asked her what she thought heaven would be like. She answered that she thought it would be full of beautiful music and she would be able to sing everyday.  Yogananda told her that for that reason, St Peter would send her away. She was still seeing herself as seperate...with seperate desires...a body that sings. Her idea of heaven was so small in comparison of what that spaciousness is. 

Singer reminds us that most us devote our lives to our ego...the seperate self.  We descended down here to experience it all but we miss it every time....because mind sees itself as seperate and develops individual desires, We believe life should be the way we want.

Spiritual evolution is all about letting go of this 'self.' and its puny desires... so we can expereince the unconditional love of who we are. 

Unconditional love is love that never stops, according to Michael a Singer.

Yoganada also told us we must learn to Love the love behind the human love.

We need to remember who we are...That is spiritual evolution! 

Cease to be a seperate being...that is dying to be reborn. Michael Singer

All is well!

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 24, 2025) The Journey Back to Self: The Path of Spiritual Evolution. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l4hm_O4uzqc&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Prioritizing Family

 

Never forget, your family should always have priority over your work. 

Mary Kay Ash

My daugher was sick with the stomach flu, and my three year old grandson was looking like he might be too.  Her significant other was away and she needed help.  She was too ill to meet the needs of her child healthy, let alone if he was sick.  Of course, I went there after work yesterday, staid as long as I could...went home for a few hours before I had to make a choice:  Call in the next day and go back over to spend the night in case help was needed or see how they make out on their own. When I checked in at nine I realized she was too ill to get my grandson ready for bed.  I was going to go over and knew I had to call in the next day because I wasn't sure what kind of night we would have. Thank God, I called in because I slept very little.

 Prioritizing family is not always as easy as it seems.  Sometimes other varibles in the form of questions come in like: Can I, and those dependent on me, do without the income if I stay home to help? What if I get sick and have to delay my upcoming dental surgery which could have greater negative effects (if they ever call for an appointment that is)? Maybe, others need this "helping" opportunity more than I do?  Maybe they would be received better? How irresponsible does another sick day make me look in the eyes of my employer and team? My students need me? (That, I know, is ego talking lol...my work role is not taht significant) Is my professional image more important than being there for my family? 

As a human in the smaller social pack: family, I am just one small cog that makes the wheel go around. In  the larger social pack: school system, community, city, nation etc...I am even smaller ...sigh! So, in such situations we need to ask, "Where am I needed most and how much will my presence as such and such be missed?" 

 This "I" in the question is the physical body and mind with its unique set of skills, traits, and  connections with those that might need the help or those who will be missing out on the help. Too often ego confuses us when it steps in with, "I need to be needed! Where do I, as ego, get best served when this body and mind serve?" 

Of course, those are not wholesome reasons for helping....but as far as cogs go...maybe we need to look at where our cog is needed most. How will the missing cog, we represent, affect the entire wheel? 

I don't know...I am rambling in my sleep deprived state...lol

All is well! (Hope...all, including this body, stay well)

Taking a Turn

 Our bodies are simply little whirlpools in the ocean of matter. Life is taking a turn and passing on....The sun, the moon, the stars, you and I are mere whirlpools....everywhere we are One...That is what we never understand. The whole [universe] is composed of time, space, causation...

Vivekananda...2.6.14: The Goal Practical Vedanta and Other Lecture...Complete Works...Kindle Edition

All is Well!

Pope Francis

From my point of view, God is the light that illuminates the darkness, even if it doesn't dissolve it,and a spark of divine light is within each of us. 

Pope Francis

 I believe Pope Francis emanated that light and lived by it. His light will be missed on this Earth, not just by Roman Catholics but by all. He set an example of how humans should "be"....of  unconditional love and acceptance.  Many sensed an open, evolved, and loving human being in his form.

It is very fitting that he died on the holiest weekend on the Catholic calendar.

All is well. 

Beyond Ego's Belief Addiction

Remember, we see the world not as it is but as we are. Most of us see through the eyes of our fears and our limiting beliefs and our false assumptions. 

Robin S Sharma ( The Monk Who Sold is Ferrari)

Thinking about core beliefs and about how what we tend to believe and percieve impacts our expereince of life. Most of us see the world through the eyes of the fear/shame based neurotic ego.  I know I do.

 When we do this, Sue Morter tells us we are still caught up in what she refers to as the Stage 1: The Stage of victimhood where we see life as happening to us and believe we can't have any impact...feel a strong sense of fatalsim and resignation....The paradigm is characterized by anger, fear,hopelessness, helplessness, resignation, fatalism. struggle to survive , and the like. We act according to what we perceive. We receive what we consistently perceive. What gets me the most about this perspective is that most of us don't even know we are unhappy and that there is another way to be. (page28)

We may advance from this stage, as I and many of you have, to some degree by setting out to redeem ourselves (the ego) by fixing our outer personnas and the world out there so it makes us feel better in here. This is what Sue Morter calls Stage 2: The Self-Help Stage. In this stage we work hard to heal what we believe is wrong, missing, or even broken within us or in others, and strive to be happier. (page 29). I spent most of my adult life in this stage, with a few slips back to Stage One. 

Michael A. Singer tells us that we are still trapped in egoic ways when we are in Stage two living by this mantra:

Let's make the ego believe what we all say we should believe? 

Michael Singer also reminds us that we are not yet seeing truth when we are stuck in these stages. Both are of ego. We are still building samskaras and reacting to their triggers. We are not truly seeing the truth and acting accordingly.

Non truth is way bigger than you think it is. Nontruth is the ego...your ego is not the truth . It is not true that you are beautiful.  It is not true that you are not beautiful. It is not true you are a male.  It is not true you are a female. It is not true that you are any of that.  You are the Self. 

Many of us are still seeing the world through these dark lens and seeking spiritual freedom through egoic means which isn't going to work. 

If I look into the darkness, I don't see the light. Singer

Truth is we are not the ego and until we can drop below into who we really are...the Seat of Consciousness ...we are not going to live in truth. 

The part of you that is so very important is the part you do not pay attention to...the part of you that is watching...You are not what you are experiencing...you are the one who is experiencing...

All of life is meant to come in and pass through as we vibrate at the highest energy posible for our human forms.  We keep jamming up the pipes when the neurotic ego, set on either protecting or fixing itself and life, is in control. It grabs, clings, represses, supresses, resists and makes a big mess. 

We need to fall back away from ego and its belief addiction, recognize who we are...and heal from there so we can live the life we are meant to live from there as well. 

Then ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall set you free.

John 8: 32 NIV

All is well!

Dr Sue Morter ( 2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 21, 2025) Beyond the Self Concept: Returning to the Spiritual Truth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OMlp7D67Je4

Happy Easter!

 Blessed are those who have not seen, yet have believed. 

John 20:29

Happy Easter!

The Equanimity of Emotions

 All energies, and therefore all emotions, are created equal....

Dr. sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 134

Those words above remind me of these infamous words I am always quoting: 

Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so. Hamlet, Act 2, Sene 2

When we attach thinking and story telling to our emotional experiences we create eddies and whirlpools that are hard to get out of. 

...since all emotions are just energies of differing frequencies, none is better than the rest. All serve their unique roles in the universal energy pulse that is expanding and ancjoring- in the natural cycle that we, and all of nature, go through.  The so called posive emotions are efforts to expand, whie the negative emotions are efforts to anchor. pg 134-135

Wow!  I am blown away by the book "The Energy Codes", by Dr. Sue Morter.  Let's just say that it is very, very highlighted and underlined book right now. Yeah.  

It was funny I read the forward for it from Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD last evening and she said in response to first meeting Dr. Sue and listening to what she believed in, "Every once in a great while , I happen upon another life traveler whose experiences and beliefs resonate so boldly with my own that I literally jump up and down and burst into song."

I didn't burst into song when I first heard her on the Andre Duqum podcast but I did jump up and shout out, "Yes! Yes! Yes! I get it!!!"

Then, I approached her teaching as cautiously as I approach any teaching...more than a bit skeptical of the teacher and their true motivation. Then, as I read, I became hit with one aha moment after another! My present perspective is being validated as I read and at the same time I am learning a new perspective. Amazing.

I have lots of little stars on page 134 and 135 where the author discusses the equanimity of emotions and how naming our feelings and emotions keep us in story telling, and how story telling  keeps us in the mind, and therefore not in the body or present moment...and therefore not in a place we can heal.  And I was again on my feet yelling to my cat Lily, who was convinced I was off my rocker..."Yes! Yes! Yes! I get it!"  

I see now how The Energy Code" might be the thing that gets us there, how it relates to the teachings of yoga and other ancient wisdom traditions, but is expressed in a way that the secular personal mind can understand. So cool.

You know how I see teaching as a part of learning? I am envisioning now how I can teach what I am learning from her...how it is another step in undersatnding all I have learned from others. I want to teach this so I can understand better and hopefully others can understand. I see a bunch of macroenabled ppt presentations in my future lol. Of course, any teaching I offer will not infringe copyright lol.  It will be the sharing of the learning this human I call "me" has gained over the years, based on the many, many teachings I was able to pick up...in which Dr. Sue Morter will be given credit for the newest "aha moments" of my learning life. :) So grateful to all teachers who pointed me in the right direction.

So remember this new bit of wisdom shared by Dr. Sue Morter...

If you can stay out of the mind-set of judgment and storytelling, you can set yourself free more rapidly.  pg 134

All is well!

Looking Deeply at Debbie Downer and Negative Nellie

Dig deep within yourself, for there is a fountain of goodness ever ready to flow if you will keep digging.

Marcus Aurelius

Wow! It seems like I downloaded some very personal and unpleasant truths yesterday when I had a good look at the veil that keeps us from experiencing what we are here to experience.  It was a bit of a turn-off for me so it was more than likely a "turn off" for many. You probs didn't want to hear that from me or anyone else. "Debbie Downer [stealing the character from SNL] and Negative Nellie" are not welcome guests at many tea parties. This type of negativity usually is something we want to avoid on our spiritual mission.  This part of the excavation process may be very disappointing...but it is also a neccessary part we have to dig through to get to the hidden truth within. 

Imagine knowing a life changing treasure is hidden in the earth.  You have studied every map...solved every clue and know for sure that the x in front of you marks the spot. You have been digging and digging, sweating and going without as you dig. It is exhausting, bone crunching work but you know that what is in the earth is the most valuable thing you could ever possess. You are committed to getting to it.  Up to this point you had to dig through topsoil, shale, rocks ...you have gone through many layers of what you thought was the "deep" stuff  and suddenly your shovel connects with something that might just be the top of a treasure chest.  It is even shining like gold as the sunlight hits it. You are so excited!!! "I am there! I am at the core!!" 

Everyone around you is telling you that this is it...you are reaching the truth of who you are.  So, you keep digging only to find that it isn't a chest but another heavy layer os shale ...thick and crusty. More digging required. After the shovel is down, you scrape off the dust and there and behold...the skeleton of 2 people emerge...exactly your frame and size. Sitting up and rattling the remains of dust and dirt from their bones ...Negative Nellie and Debbie Downer introduce themselves and right away start their spiel, talking in unison for stereo effect, 

"Thank God!!!...We can finally get out of this hole.  We have been down here for so long trying to get your attention but you kept burying us with layer after layer of dirt and thought and idea nonsense "....  Debbie spits out a few pebbles and maybe an earthworm from her fleshless mouth. 

"Sure...you were hearing us...how could you not... but not as clearly as we needed you to. We needed to be free to have a real heart to heart (well maybe heart to sternum)...talk with you. But...you didn't want to deal with us...because we are "sooo annoying and negative" and you wanted nothing to do with that on your  fancy, woo-woo  mission to enlightenment. la-de-dah. " 

Nellie picks up her arm that somehow got disconnected from her shoulder and tries to put it back into the socket .

"We cannot help but be negative after all the crap you stuffed down here with us. Come on Man, Give us a bloody break!! Yeah, we aren't as pretty as the fancy treasure buried beneath us but did you have to bury us alive? Really? That is why we have been screaming at you through all the layers you put on top.  We were not going to completely dissolve because of all your positive thinking crap! Bone doesn't go away that easy!  Where do you think the expression , 'skeletons in the closet came from...duh!' 

Anyway, after a little chit chat we will gladly crawl up out of this hole and out of your life so you can get to the fancy treasure you covered up....Yep! you, my friend, are the one that covered it up.... nothing else and no one else. And we are just casualities of the process. 

You have to deal with us first, though! So, are you ready to have  a good look at what you buried and talk with us? "

And as you are looking at these two rattling skeletons, you notice the light from beneath them shining through.

Okay, my imagination kicked in lol...Anyway, I did see a bit of the light that is within us all, the treasure we dig for in our awakening process, during that little episode at the grocery store. I wasn't, however, expecting to have to deal with  Debbie and Nellie lol.  

I realize how important it is to get to those core beliefs inside us which unfortunately are often negative downers...No matter how we hide these core beleifs, no matter what we bury them with (and I don't care how much positive thinking or positive affirming you may do)..they don't go away.  They will haunt us until we look deeply into them and set them free. 

So, that is why I had a good look at them in writing last entry.  I am sure I am not the only one with a Debbie or a Nellie in their closet, am I? 

Anyway...something to think about.

All is well. 

A Hard Look at the Veil

 Lamp

 

Hold your lamp up high.

Let the small flame flicker

and glow as you swing

it back and forth

with every step you take.

Know that it can be seen

through the thick fog

and through the darkness

that surrounds this world at times.

 

Feed the flame with your sweet breath.

Let it grow and expand

as the borders of its golden light

extend in tiny arms of compassion,

reaching  out to the others

stumbling along their paths.

 

Fan it with your talk of dreams

and your laughter

and your love

as it ripples through the thirsty world

quenching an emptiness

and the never ending  need for more.

 

Watch as the embers dance and giggle

beneath the conduction of your joy.

There is nothing to fear.

Do not cup your hand over it

to defend it from others

who might want to blow it out.

 

Do not dim it

with the intention of

conserving it for darker times.

Let it shine as bright as it can,

now.

Let it grow

until the flames lick the stars

and until the healing light

that comes from you

pours over the world like

a glorious sunrise.

 

Shine your light brightly,

mesmerizing all who watch in awe

as you beam

in the way you were meant to beam,

warming and brightening the entire world

With your lamp.

©Dale-Lyn  March 2015

 

I have been thinking a lot about that little experience I had the other day in the grocery store.  No, it wasn't a "satori" or a consequence of "samadhi". I wasn't thrown up to the ceiling by some explosion of light. lol....far from it... but it was very significant to my growth and learning. I felt, for the briefest of moments, what it was like to exist outside the dark and heavy low energy veil many of us have draped over us...a veil that we have become so used to, we do not even know it is there. 

Sure, I find myself wanting to relive that experience...to grasp, cling and store it inside because it was so pleasant. I also know, however, that is not conducive to my learning right now.  Clinging and striving to relive it will not help this growth mission I am on.  What my "teaching" impersonal mind keeps bringing me back to is, "Why don't I feel that way all the time?  What is this thick heavy veil that exists between that experience of freedom and joy and my 'normal' daily experience of life? How has this thick veil interfered with the life I could be having?  How can I remove it once and for all so I, and others, could live in that state I now know is possible to live in? "

Every one of us has our holiness, because we have the Buddha within us. When the Buddha is alive inside us we don't suffer, and happiness is possible. Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear, page 78 ( Harper One, 2012)

I was shown ...randomly or by some higher curriculum design, I don't know, and I don't care who or what did the showing lol...but I was shown in that moment there was and is a better way to live and experience Life. It doesn't have to be all dark and heavy like a "midnight dreary", and we do not have to approach it all "weak and weary" anticipating that something gloomy and terrible is always about to happen. (Edgar Allan Poe)  There is...as the opening poem expresses... a light in us...heck...we are that light... that can brighten the whole world ...if we stop covering it up with this veil.    

I have been conceptualizing and intellectually exploring that reality for eons...but I never had the direct "felt experience" of it. ...or at least not enough to make me this aware of the true possibility of it. I wasn't ready before, maybe, to experience the comparitive differences between the two ways of experiencing Life: As a light  that is unimpeded or a light that is dimmed and covered up by something I wish to understand more about.

 This experience of contrast I was granted was so short lived ...so easily stored without too much thought but I am going to pull it up from my memory bank to really explore it. Most importantly, I have to look deeply into that which normally prevents me from experiencing it. We need to explore the veil that covers and dims the light we are. 

What the heck is this veil? I can tell you that it is called a layer of samskara in yoga, a psyche veil of stuffed and stored memory of events with emotionally charged energies. ..but heck those are only concepts, aren't they? So many of us feel that veil over our light everyday...we live and breathe through it thinking that what we are seeing is reality. What if this veil is nothing more than an illusion, a distorted lens through which we see and respond to the world?  What if what I felt in the grocery store was our true reality...what we are meant to feel all of the time? 

What I felt that day was a freedom from this veil so the light could shine freely. It was an "undimmed and uncovered" version of Life.  It was the total opposite "felt experience"  of what I experience unknowingly most of the time. Through having that experience then, I could begin to explore what was preventing me from having it all the time.  As a contrast it helped me to see that which has become so "normal" to my living, I fail to even notice it. 

What we could be experiencing all the time: 

I felt in that momentary experience positive energy flowing through me. I felt lighter, not weighed down by worry or fear; open, very confident, very worthy, like I belonged.  I was so sure I had a purpose in this world ...I could see so clearly that I had so many  unique gifts that only I could offer and that these gifts  were valuable. I could see so many ways I could help the world while doing what I loved to do. I knew that theses gifts I had offered already were, are, and will be appreciated in a wholesome way. I felt like a really "good" human being.  In fact, I realized all human beings were "good". This wasn't coming from a sense of  shame or need for redemption ...just an authentic sense of shared worthiness.  I looked about me and I knew everyone had a very important purpose, special and unique gifts to offer as well. I felt like I loved everyone and everything. I wanted to honor,  protect and care for it all. I found myself smiling, making others smile back.  I felt like they loved me (who I was beyond the 'me')  even if they didn't know they did. And if they "thought" that they didn't love me...that was just their egos having a problem with my ego.  It seemed so unimportant, in those moments, to have their egos liking me...to have their egos approving of me. I just felt loved and I loved.  What was cool...was that I could see past egos altogether...theirs and mine. Everyone was beautiful. I felt peace...like everything was going to be okay. I wasn't worried about what might happen tomorrow; how long my body would last and how well it would last; what choices my loved ones would make; how I would get by financially; etc...it was just so peaceful. The world just seemed to be this wonderful place to be in.  The future was suddenly full of endless possibilities. I knew I would be guided and supported in whatever I chose to do. I was happy, enthusiastic and excited. It was pretty cool. 

The coolest thing was that I could see there was an  opposite to this...see that there was something blocking me from feeling this way all of the time.  I had a strong desire to explore that something so I could remove it once and for all. I had to look at what I tend to experience and why?

What Many of Us Actually Tend to Experience:

It is shocking to realize just how "negative" our thinking and feeling can be ...our energy? We've covered it up with every gimmick and distraction imaginable. We may be in for a big surprise when we take the time to honestly explore this veil and what we tend to experience becasue of it. 

When I looked at myself after the incident I realized that instead of feeling light, I tend to feel heavy and weighed down by worry, by fear, by life.  Even when I am not aware that I am chronically worried and afraid...I actually am. In almost every moment of my life I am...to my supprise... clenching up, and  anticipating what might be coming around the corner in terms of hardship. Wow! That was surprising.

Are you seeing through a veil of fear and worry too? 

It also blew me away to see that there is a deep core belief in me that Life is not supporting me...that it is out to get me. I have this sense that nothing is going to work out in my favour ...that "peace" is just a dream...so, I tell myself to stop thinking about "me" (which is also a positive and spiritual thing to do.  Knowing that, however, makes it easier for me to neglect my human needs). I have this inexplicable sense that life is all about "sucking it up", and  "surviving suffering" which I seem to be getting pretty good at doing. Because I see no end to suffering in my mind...I am trying to make the best of what I see as a series of "bad" situations by convincing myself that accepting is the spiritual thing to do. I didn't realize until recently though that I was confusing acceptance with resignation and giving up. 

How about you? Do you have the sense that life is all about "sucking it up" and "surviving suffering"?

Open? It is hard to stay open when you are constantly waiting to be attacked from out of nowhere.  I am more often than not, against my better judgment, closed up in protective mode. 

What about you? 

Though Redeemer Ego often steps up to the plate as masquerading self and creates this "illusion" of confidence...I am not very confident. When ego is leading, I am timid, shy,  and "backwards" as my father would describe this  family trait.  

How truly and authentically confident are you most of the time? 

Through experiencing the contrast, I became so aware of this deep sense of unworthiness that makes this veil so dark and heavy. Like many humans, I walk around with a boulder of unworthiness in my belly.  That makes getting around challenging. I feel I have to do more...and be more...just to pay my rent for being on this planet. I don't really feel like I belong anywhere.  I have actually found some genuine peace in solitude and alone-ness...but I also prefer to be alone so I do not have to deal with these feelings of inadequacy I have when I am around others.  I love my family and friends  but there is this deep penetrating belief that they don't...can't...feel the same way about me ...or at least they wouldn't.  I do not trust other people's expressions of love and belongingness towards me. I really don't...that is pretty surprising to realize...but I don't.  I honestly feel, despite the fact that I am surrounded by so many who profess to love me or like me,  that no one has my back...that I am doing it alone. I cannot believe, because of past experiences, I will get the validation, support, or help I might need from systems or individuals when I truly need it; that I have to learn to do without it.  I have. At the same time I have this conditioned belief that I have to put the needs of others above my own at all times. (I can rationalize that with my new understanding of 'no-self.')  I am pretty "strong" because of that but I also know that this is all very irrational.  I know conceptually we are all inter-beings on this planet but I have yet to have, other than in the odd moment, the 'felt experience' of it.

 What about you? Do you feel loved? Do you feel like you belong? 

I am not sure what my purpose is.  Sometimes, I find myself believing that if I have a purpose, it is to suffer. Though, I do understand karma, again and again, I find myself dragged back into this false notion that I am being punished for some past sins or that I am living out some heavy karmic punishment for the sins of my ancestors. Crazy, I know. I see myself as a victim to karma...to life...I therefore do not have much to offer.  When I become aware of any special talents or gifts I might have I find myself asking, "Who is going to want them if they come from me?" If I don't get external validation or support for these talents...I will tell myself, "Meant to be...you don't deserve it ...you are not good enough...or you are just showing off......etc" Then there is that core belief that life is never going to work out in my favour..."I will never have the opportunity to do what I love to do and make a living doing it."  or Shamer Ego will step in to say, "Who do you think you are for professing to be talented or knowing...you are not qualified to help others.  You will likely do more harm than good. Stay in the background where no one can see you. That is where you belong." So many of my talents, gifts, skills or genuine abilities go unexpressed or unnoticed if they are expressed...so they do not reach the people they could help. I feel what I have to give is "wasting away in obscurity." 

Do you have gifts wasting away in obscurity?

A good human being? I am fully aware intellectually that "good" and "bad" are dualistic terms that we do not want to be too attached to but ...no, I do not always feel like a 'good' human being. My religious and childhood conditioning is still quite ingrained in me.  Though, rationally it seems so absurd...I do have a deep core belief that I am a "sinner" and that my life is a walking penance. I still sometimes confuse innocent mistakes I may make as sins that deserve punishment.  Crae-Crae, I know. 

I do see the goodness in others or at least I strive to. I definitely believe that others are better and more deserving than me (not healthy psychologically or spiritually)  ...but I also still confuse the behaviours of others with who they are at times.  I have become remarkably good at forgiving most transgressions against this human I call "me", but there are some unconscious personalities I have a hard time seeing beyond to their inherent goodness. The behaviours of some unconscious personalities have done great damage to this body and mind  and to the beings I love. My ego still gets triggered by the egos of others.  I am more aware of the "ego against ego" battles when they arise and am much less emotionally attached to them but sometimes I still get lost in my ego. 

What about you? Do you see yourself and all other humans as "good" the majority of time? 

During this short lived experience of positivity and peace...I was not weighed down by the battling duo: Shamer Ego and Redeemer Ego as I most often am. It showed me what I have suppressed and repressed so deeply within me...how I am weighed down to the point of exhaustion most days with the heavy weight of a shame I can barely explain. Even though I understand where it comes from, it is hard to deal with such a heavy weight every moment. This shame is responsible for most of the internal dialogue that is so intent on reminding me that I am a "sinner", "an unworthy loser", that "I am getting what I deserve from life, that I should be ashamed of myself for even thinking that I had special gifts or was capable of helping others" etc.  Shamer Ego is pretty nasty. Redeemer ego is not so nice either...leading me on an endless pursuit to prove shamer wrong...to make me okay in the eyes of others.  Such a crazy battle. For a brief moment that  day I felt that weight lifted; I felt like I didn't have to cringe in shame which takes so much energy; nor did I have to expend energy trying to be better than others at something just so I could feel like enough (if only in my head),  and it was amazing not to feel that! 

Are you aware of a shamer and redeemer ego in yourself? Have you ever experienced the relief from shame that didn't come from some false egoic redemption tactics? 

I don't always feel love pouring through me.  I feel compassion and empathy a great deal of the time and I know that love is not something we get from the outside, but I have always been a little afraid of sending my love out there in case it wasn't received well. So, I never really had the "felt experience" of unconditional love pouring from the inside out...like I did that day.  That was the first time I was fully experientially aware of that inner flow and its unconditional nature. I wasn't afraid to send it out in case I didn't get it back. It didn't matter if others wanted it on the egoic level...I knew somehow it would reach them on a deeper level. I knew they loved me through their egoic veils, whether they knew it or not.  It was a love where there was no ego in the way of its flow.  

Have you ever felt that love pouring through you?  Are you still caught up in egoic attachment and conditional love?

I don't tend to look at the future anymore because I am afraid of getting more of the same.  Once I put away my notion of dreams and "hope", seeing them as egoic tools more than healthy ones...I fell into accepting the now as it is. I don't allow myself to get enthusiastic or excited about the future.  I also learned not to be attached to outcomes which is a very healthy spiritual practice.  I put away expectations which again is healthy but in my case, I realize it was due as well to a fatalistic resignation that the future likely won't turn out in my favour. I also felt I had little to no control of my future life Supported by Life? I don't feel supported very often by physical things let alone nonphysical. lol. I feel like I am doing this on my own ...so I walk into the future a bit apprehensive. I do not have the confidence that no matter what happens I can handle it.  I just face what is potentially up ahead, reminding myself how much I "endured" over the years and I tell myself that if I handled that, I can handle anything.  I don't believe my future is going to be bright enough to require shades. Hmm!

  How do you view your future? You got your sun glasses on?

So, as you can see this veil is made up of a low level energy...what we might call negative. It is therefore "denser" and therefore heavier than the high energy I experienced for a few minutes a few days ago. It colours my view and I act accordingly. If I am being honest, I must share that I have ...despite my spiritual practice which has taken me so far...still been operating  like a "Negative Nellie" or a "Pessimistic Penny" or a "Debbie Downer".  It is hard to admit this to myself but I know that if we truly want to be heal we need to be honest. Sigh!

Do you see yourself operating from negativity?

I want to know through the "felt experience" that I am light.  I want to share that light with everyone so they can shine brighter too...therefore helping others to shine until the whole world is one bright light. In order to do that...the veil has to be removed.  For most of us that means "a past has to be healed".  How? First, recognize how your clinging to the  past may be affecting your life today. Next, be willing to let it go. Then, allow whatever energy that is stored because of that past to rise up, be experienced, and then released. This is purification in yoga. 

What does purification do? It removes the veil.  It cleans out the channels so the high and beautiful energy of who we really are can flow through, so our light can shine unimpeded.  That is what I felt that day. Imagine  if everyone felt that all the time. Wouldn't life be wonderful??

All is well in my world.

A Moment of Clarity

 

...this is where we see life as happening to us and believe we cant have any impact.  We are completely unaware of ourselves as influencers or creators and therefore feel a strong sense of fatalism and resignation. ...we don't even know we are unhappy, or that there is an otherway to be. We may simply be going through the motions, believeing that this is what we have to do, because this is the way life is.

Dr Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 28

I had a brief spontaneous moment yesterday where I lived and experienced life as someone who truly felt worthy. It hit me in the grocery store, of all places, out of nowhere. I found myself smiling and talking openly  to others...loving them without any concern of what they might have thought of me. People seemed to come to me, smile or talk and be loving to me. I was happy and in love with the world and everyone in it. I also felt very confident...aware that I did indeed have special gifts to share with others and that those gifts are being  and will be received well. It felt that my presence on earth mattered...that I was adding light to the world. I had absolutely no fear or worry about the future. There was this deep internal sense that things were working out in my favour. I was filled with a positivity I had not experienced for so long, if at all. There was  this invisible and inexplicable external validation of my worth overcoming me, that somehow washed  away, for a moment, a deeply entrenched personal mind core belief that was the total oppposite of this feeling.   

I was also instantly aware, in that moment of positivity, the contrast between what I was feeling then and what I spent most of my life experiencing prior to that moment.  I could see so clearly  how that  deep core belief of unworthiness I had been clinging to and had surpressed so deeply to the point of unawareness of it... led to a negative mindset that had me expecting and waiting, almost every moment, for the worse to happen. It impacted my life tremendously ...affecting how I saw myself and therefore how this self moved around in the world. That clarity was astounding!

It all happened so fast and it was like, "Wow! WTF- front door?" 

It didn't last long. This feeling came on its own and it left on its own.  I tried to figure out what brought it on. It wasn't prompted by any real external trigger or situation. I worried for a second about any 'ego stroking' I might  might have received, different from anything else I receive. I thought about some externally prompted  inspiration, and the illusionary and weak pull of "hope" being the cause of it.  On reflection,  however, I realize that it wasn't external. This felt experience was coming from within. 

Though it left fairly quickly too...the clarity didn't. I knew then that I had to look into this toxic core belief within me that had been "ruining" my life experience to date. I realized that I wasn't alone. This is a core belief too many of us live by. This is a samskara that is blocking the flow of this "felt experience of true worthiness" for many of us. 

Hmm! Something to think about. I will be back with more on this.

All is well.

Wings

 The practice of mindful breathing is very important.

Thich Nhat Hanh

Samatha- calm abiding, tranquility...to stop

Vipassana- insight; looking deeply, "to see things as they really are."

Hanh describes these two practices as the wings of breath.

Without insight you cannot  stop.

Thich Nhat Hanh reminds us , if we are deeply wounded, we need to heal and we heal by stopping.  Many of us are not aware of how to stop.  That is where Vipassana comes in. Looking deeply helps us to become aware of when we need to stop and how. 

We are all deeply wounded in one way or another.

Reminded of this:

Wings

Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to  grasp, to seek  
and close my eyes and wait for you
 to clasp me in your  beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
 and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
 that exists nowhere but here.

 Place me on  the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
 and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.

I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go  into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe  each internal knot release
from    the twisted  pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.

Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where I always can be found.

Dale-Lyn  May 2020

All is well

Plum Village/Thich Nhat Hanh (2024) Stop Running.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qch5ISD9Bxo

Do you create your universe?

 The only person you are destined to become-is the person you decide to be.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you still buy into the new age notion that You create your universe?

I still struggle with that one.  I see the universe as being pretty impersonal,  but Michael Singer reminded me this morning that though I might not create the universe, 

You create your experience of the universe....because you are looking at it through your personal veil

As I learn about energy medicine etc I am taught that as energy, I affect energy and therefore affect the rippling that occurs at the quantum level .  I have a hard time with that.  Am I as this body, mind, prana really affecting the ripples in the quantum field? Is this where "The Law of Attraction" comes in?

I do not wish to attract anything with the law of attraction except an ability to experience all of Life and be okay doing so.  Sure, I do wish to get beyond this sense of struggle and angst I have been experiencing. Though it would be really nice to be able to pay the bills without worry or have everyone I love be well and happy...I know that these are requests of the personal mind and will not lead me to what I really want and need. No changes "out there" will. What I am seeking  is completely an inner process. We too often devote our lives to getting what we want but Yoga and other spiritual practices teach us we need to devote our lives to removing the blockages so this shakti can flow.  I "know" that to be true. 

What do you wish to attract with the Law of Attraction? Maybe you want a new home or car, a certain amount of money in your account, a great job, some notoriety or fame? 

What if you were so open, so free, so filled with unconditional peace, love, and shakti...would you still want that?  The attainment of those things would be so inconsequential, wouldn't it? 

We need to cleanse that which is blocking our shakti flow and deal with each challenge in the meantime.

So how do we handle challenge, when life is just hard? 

This inward journey  or process starts with acceptance of "what is."  Acceptance is the opposite of resistance. Resistance is counter productive to our healing and our growth. As long as we are accepting, we are not resisting.

If we accept when we first encounter that challenging event, we  respond to that which is unfolding. If we resist first, we react to that which is unfolding. We want to respond not react. Sure we might have to "do" something to make the situation better, but only after we accept it. Responding to life is a lot different than reacting to life. 

We need to approach each challenge by seeing the impersonal nature of it.  It looks hard, wrong, unfair only becausee we are seeing through the veil of "me" we created, the psyche, the sum of our learned events. Life is just doing Life and we get to be a part of it, experience it.  Shouldn't that be enough? Why do we have to make it all about "me"? 

It is wonderful that we are in a universe that creates itself...Stop this silly old game that you are playing that it is destroying you and everyone else...Its not about getting what you want...interact with the world but don't interact for "you/[ the little me.]"

Spirituality is the alternative to acting as the sum of your learned experiences...Through it, we learn to instead of buying into what our ego is doing or wanting to attract, to take a step back, observe it and say, "I don't have to listen to you ego...you just lead me outward when the answer is in here. " 

Relax through it.

Instead of continuing to push down, stuff, and store blocking the flow of Shakti...we need to invite those samskaras, those blockages to "Come on up!" 

We need to accept, cleanse, and heal...and that is an inside game that the "Law of Attraction" cannot help us with. 

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( April 14, 2025) The Illusion of Control and the Power of Acceptance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tDpe_bXINWk&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Not What People Here Adore

 One of the gifts of being a writer is that it gives you the excuse  to do things, to go places and explore. Another is that writing motivates you to look closely at Life, life as it lurches by and tramps around. 

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I recently answered questions about any unmanifetsed desires I might have about being a social influencer or wanting to make money for the videos I put up on the youtube channel I created: Waking Up with Mindful Serenity Yoga. I have what others would consider to be a less than average presence in the youtube world.  I wanted to stress in my reply that I was perfectly okay with that! 

I want to make it known that I am okay with the semi-obscure reception of this blog as well. I also am not actively promoting this blog. Though it is in public domain...I keep it pretty quiet. I don't tell a lot of people about it for many reasons. Firstly, the topic matter is somewhat "personal" (though I am aware of the limiting nature of "personal"...I realize that others might find what I do here "too personal" and that it may reflect on any social or professional  role I may be presently active in. I don't like to cross over from professional to personal). 

Secondly, what I write about is also contraversial.  I discuss philosophical, psychological, scientific and religious notions  that others might find, "woo-woo, silly, ridiculous or even "blasphemous." I don't actively seek contraversy, just truth. 

Thirdly, I am also, by some form of conditioned nature, "shy".  I don't like to stand out. I find it much more comfortable to stay in the background, blending in with the walls.  I often speak of the ego twins I noticed active within me: "Shamer" and "Redeemer". "Shamer is still there reminding me to stay in the background.  It also reminds me  that "Redeemer's" reflex and compensatory tendency to stand out and be seen in a positive light...will likely not be received positively through this method.  lol.  So, I am not seeking to be seen and known here.  Such a possibility makes me more uncomfortable then it does comfortable. 

So, why the heck am I even doing this? 

My first honest answer to that question is "I don't know?"  This compulsion I have to come here is bigger than either the "Shamer" or the "Redeemer" parts of  this "me".  As a writer (which is just a part of my true nature) I have this internal compulsion to write...to express whatever this is inside me that cries to be expressed. This that comes out is a very honest and "real" expression of my experience of Life.  When I don't express...I feel inauthentic and somehow depleted. I need to honor this feeling and this page gives me the opportunity to do that. This truth that is emerging inside me is also all consuming and I feel pulled to share it with whomever might want to hear it. (My compulsion to come here is beyond this little "me" who would rather stay in the shadows.) 

That is it too...I put this out there without any expectations or demands.  I am not attached to any outcomes.  I do not actively seek readers but I welcome any that I get.  I definitely do not seek notoriety, fame, or riches from this lol. For the most part, ego is way in the background of this one. The more I write here...the more I reflect on my learning...and the less and less ego becomes a major player in this life.  Heck...the more I write, the more I realize this isn't my life at all lol.

This page, I guess, is just a canvas for me to paint on.  I write/create because that is what I feel compelled to do.  I am not even sure what I will create when I come here each day...I just throw the paint on and wait to see what happens. Not everyone is going to appreciate what is created.  They don't have to. But I cannot stop doing what I feel compelled to do just because others may not like it or never get to see it, can I? Art is all about the process, not the outcome.

Anyway, thought I would share that. And thank you for anyone who reads this and appreciates it. I am truly grateful that you are receiving the gift I share here.

I guess I am not what people here adore. and that is perfectly okay with me.

All is well!

Stepping Away from "I Have a Life!"

 Are you ready to step out of the narrative in your mind that says "my life" and realize that you don't have a life, that the whole thing that you call 'my life' is certain thoughts that float around in your head and you identify with them.  You don't have a life, you are Life!

Eckhart Tolle

Do you get that yet, even on a conceptual level?  I think I finally do. I can understand it conceptually. It is so clear in my mind that it is the truth.  Is that enough?

No...believing it and understanding it is not enough....I need to realize it.  Realizing something is different than conceptually believing or thinking something is true. 'Realize' means "to be fully aware".  To be fully aware requires going beyond the mind...it is about being aware at the deepest level.  It is about living and being that truth! 

"...to realize you are life which is a temporary expression of the one Life, the one consciousness that pervades the entire universe. You are a temporary expression of that One Life.  You don't have a life..."

So, though my conceptual mind understands this truth of who I am...(finally after years of studying, reading, listening, praying, meditating, etc. I get it it! I really get it!)...I have yet to fully realize it with my entire being! 

I am not yet living in that deeper dimension: 

Another dimension in you that is higher than thinking...awareness...presence. ..This dimension of consciousness is in you...

 I truly see that who I think I am is not who I am...that it too is just a "thought" and that I am the consciousness out of which thoughts come. 

...thoughts...including the thought of who we are and "my life" are just ripples on this mighty infinite ocean of consciousness. 

I know there is and am seeking for the possibility of stepping out of thought...so that I can touch that presence in this human I call me that is deeper than thought. 

There is a presence deeper than thought...out of which thought rises. 

But...I am not there yet!  I still get pulled into the narrative again and again. I am ready, though, to take the neccessary steps out of the story in my mind and fully realize that I don't have a life, I am Life!

What about you? 

Eckhart Tolle ( January, 2025) How to Wake Up from an Unhappy Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YdHClX1Gzgo&t=12s