"Is This Something I Really Want? "

It is time for changing thoughts and obscure notions to pass through;
leaving nothing[no-thing]in the space of all we thought we knew.
me ( whoever that is :))


Night time Muses

I woke up around four in the morning and as I lay in bed, still halfway between sleep and wakefulness, these words came to me...quite forcefully actually...as words sometimes do in the middle of the night. I sometimes have full 10 stanza poems coming to me in  that way and I am usually too lazy to get up to write them down. I tell myself that I will remember the words because of the force at which they come to me but I usually don't. 

Well last night these words came to me and it was like "Oh wow! It is happening again. " and at the same time "Oh crap! I am supposed to remember this and if I don't write it down I won't remember."  I didn't want to get up.  Because  it was only two lines, I told myself I would remember. I kept repeating the words  to myself over and over in hope I wouldn't forget them and could jot them down when morning came...But no...that wasn't going to work.  I was compelled by something inside me to get up and write the words down.  Which I did.

And now I am like, "Huh? What do I do with that?"

Changing Thoughts and Obscure Notions

Of course, it is just a reiteration of all I have learned to date about waking up.  We just need to let go of our attachment to thought which keeps changing and is far from eternal...and our notions of what will bring happiness and what will bring pain...just let them pass through us and  our lives until we are in that space where there is no form (things),  just space and this knowing that what we thought we knew was really nothing. When that is gone we will fall back into being aware of being aware, of spacious essence and all we truly are.

Wow! This bit of reminded wisdom came out in a rhyming two liner.  Who thinks in poetic verse besides Mother Goose?

Anyway that brings me to the topic of notions and thinking and more specifically wanting.  I tend to go back to the posts that I notice are being  read and reread them.  I do this mostly  to appease my critical ego who picks up every grammatical error and poorly structured sentence or articulated idea but sometimes I get valuable insight about my own growth. I went back to entries I wrote about 'wanting".

Changing Notions About "Wanting"

I want to clarify not only the difference between wanting and grasping but the difference in my understanding from then until now. I owe gratitude to the dharma talk I heard today ( linked below) for helping to realize this.

When I first heard of "The Law of Attraction"...I was skeptical but hopeful.  I was looking for a way out of my present set of circumstances at a time in my life where I felt I was being bombarded by loss, illness, memories of past trauma, broken relationships, the death of loved ones, serious parental issues, financial crisis etc etc...it was definitely not the life I would ask for. There was so much stress and I wanted its opposite.

I was a person who was also aware of the spiritual dimension of my being and of the power of the human mind.  So when I heard of "The Secret", at a time I was living a life of scarcity and what I didn't want, I was pulled toward that possibility. I was desperate to try anything that would relieve this deep sense of suffering I seemed to be living through. I began to focus on what I thought I wanted: more income ( or at least enough so I wouldn't lose the house), a return to health ( or at least validation for a lack of it so I could go from there), a healthy romantic relationship, recognition and validation as a writer, an end to all the things my kids were going through. I was specific in my wanting...as specific as I could be.  When a couple of the things I wanted came into fruition ( "manifested" ) I became convinced that it worked.

A lot has changed since then. I am not saying that The Law of Attraction is or is not real, I am not saying focusing on wanting works or doesn't work.  I discovered, in my own experience with it,  through this process...that what I focused on was not what I really wanted.   They were notions...misguided obscure notions that specific things in my environment would make me happy.  I believed that if the physical things in my world changed, if  those ever changing thoughts of things  I put on dream boards  were to manifest ...I would be happy. My suffering would be ended.  I learned that that is not the case.

With this Law of attraction stuff I was focusing on wanting things "out there" to give me what I needed "in here". I was "grasping" and we all know by now that grasping will never bring peace.  Wanting felt good though ..it brought some "excitement" and "enthusiasm" in my life when I felt I was being flattened by circumstance...but did it bring me what I really wanted?

I began to look at those things I had on my list. I realized they were just "notions" and "changing thoughts...not a path to what I really wanted.

" Is a romantic relationship what I really want?"   That question came about around the same time I was studying about special relationships in ACIM and studying other doctrines as well.  I had a notion about special relationships, about romance cultivated in me from the time I was a young girl.  It was a "fantasy" I was placing my intentions on...not the reality of relating with a partner. I grew out of that fantasy.

"Is being a  well known famous writer what I really want?" I assumed recognition as a writer would bring happiness and the end to my financial suffering...so I wanted that to "manifest".  I did get some recognition and quickly learned that it would never be enough.  And when I focused on getting recognition rather than just writing...my writing became work rather than something I creatively let happen. I stopped seeking that ( though my desire for publication  is still there to a lesser degree)

"Is money what I really want? "I wanted  more money...just so I wouldn't lose my house.  It was that close. Somewhere along the way I realized that if I lost the house I would be okay...so I began to find ways to ensure the kids would be okay if that happened and was almost anticipating the challenge with a little excitement. "Wow! Maybe I will grow so much through this. And I won't have to worry and struggle so much in my attempts to keep it. " Luckily, things turned around and I still have the house...for now.

"Is freedom from all illness or at least validation from medicine and support systems what I really want?"  I learned the hard way that it isn't what I need or want.  I need to find my own way through perceived illness and that begins not "out there" but "in here"...not so much through the body but through the mind. So though the physical conditions are still very real to me and the last of which did not miraculously go away because I put it out of my mind two months ago, I am not fighting against a system to be heard any more and that gives me so much more space and energy to heal in the only way healing can really take place. I am not discounting that I will need medicine someday for most, if not all of these conditions, but for now...I don't need that validation.

Grasping: Not What We Really Want

So I guess what I am saying is the type of wanting I wrote about in 2017 was leaning toward "grasping".  I have evolved enough to know that none of these things could give me what I really want over the long term.  And what is that?

Peace....what I really, really want is peace and that cannot be found on dream boards.  It is inside me already.

I do not have to hope and dream and affirm changes in my external world to get peace.  I just have to go inward to where the peace is unconditionally.

So the wanting I do now is not based on seeking and grasping for something out there to change or become different...but for me to use my mind in such a way that things do not have to change for me to be happy.  To be happy unconditionally.

Hope that makes sense and is helpful. 

There is nothing wrong with wanting but just know what it is you truly want.

All is well.

Plum village ( May 2020) One Toe Wiggles/Dharma Talk by Sr, Dang Nghiem (Deer Park Monastery)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18LBG8yi6NQ

Where are you going?

Be where you are. Otherwise you will miss your life.
The Buddha (https://positivepsychology.com/mindfulness-quotes/)

Plagscan again...showing up on my site...not sure what that means. Have some poems out there ...maybe someone is verifying authorship ???  If that is the case, I can assure you they are mine....well...they came through this body and mind.  :)

A Reason For Concern?

Every time I see Plagscan, I get a little suspicious.  I remember how concerned others have warned me recently, about putting up so much here.  That some of it is actually good enough to get published and paid for (so they tell me). They fear omeone might copy it and call it their own.

I usually tell them in response to their concerns, first of all, that I cannot understand why anyone would want to take my material and call it their own...what they would get from doing that?  There are much more qualified writers and bloggers out there to "steal" from. (such a strong word).

I then tell them that the material is protected anyway, that anyone who tried "to take" this stuff  would be risking liability. Canadian copy right law protects what I have written as soon as it hits the page .  So  it's first copyright home is here. And because I want to have it together in hard copy ( I am a creature of hard copy reading :), I use the blog printing press here to create books with all I have written here...so in a sense it  is then  second righted. Though  I am trying to get beyond the "What "I" have written, what "I" have done"  crap because it stands in my way of understanding clearly that it isn't "little me" doing anything...I still know, as a writer, I have to protect material that has come from this body and mind.  I will and I have!

And then I tell the concerned individuals  that these very imperfect  words are here  on this blog because they came out here on this blog...this is where they are meant to be for whatever reason. This is their home. They can leave this blog and be published elsewhere under legitimate authorship after they make their debut here...I am okay with that...but they are meant to be here first. This isn't about making money and being known for me...I still write here under a pen for goodness sake.  For me it is all about the message and following this deep seated pull I have to put it down here.

I want to trust that pull!

A Little Bit Suspicious

Though I feel confident and safe, with a sense there is nothing of value to lose here...I do get suspicious sometimes when I get the warnings from others, the same time I see Plagscan on my site. My readership has also increased significantly  and I am wondering why.

My mind still has a slight tendency to become suspicious rather than trusting of my ability, this message, other intention for being here, and Life.  I still have more practice to master. 

A Learning

It is good that we can recognize our self when we are feeling that way though.  Whether it is a legitimate gut feeling that is warning us or just the  mind's crazy attempt to keep us  feeling uneasy(paranoia)...I don't know. Regardless...it is not a feeling any of us  want to hold on to for long, is it? I know where the feeling comes from with me...I can look deeply into it and learn  so I can get beyond it.

Maybe readers are actually benefitting from this blog in a legitimate way.  It is possible, isn't it?  Regardless...I am going to lean toward the trusting Life, trusting this calling I have to spill it all out here... rather than the suspicion.

So thank you readers!!!

A Great Little Story

Anyway...that is not what I want to write about. I read this little lesson, taught by Thich Nhat Hanh , and relayed in Mindfulness Yoga (page 61) that stuck:

A man was galloping  very quickly on his horse down a country road. The man's head was down, his jaw clenched and he was clinging tightly to the reins as the horse moved at great speed.  

To an observer, who was walking on the  side of the road, it appeared the  man was headed some place very important. 

As the rider passed, the observer shouted, "Where are you going?"

To which the man on the horse answered, "I don't know.  Ask the horse!"

I don't have to say anything else about that, do I?  :)

All is well in my world.

Frank Jude Boccio (2004) Mindfulness Yoga. Wisdom: Somerville

Lessons 181-185

When you are still an instant, when the world recedes from you, when the valueless ideas cease to have value in your restless mind, then will you hear His Voice. ACIM-W-182:8:1 

Back to ACIM, as promised.  I will complete the lessons.  Some may call it a quality, others a vice but I have this need to finish what I start.  I started reviewing the lessons in the  workbook for A Course in Miracles months ago...but so much learning from other avenues has come into my life since then...that my relaying my interpretation of the lessons has been sporadic.

If it seems like lessons are missing that is only because I did not cover the summaries. For example, Lessons 171-180 are the reviews for Lessons 151-170.

So let's get back to it:

Lesson 181

Perception has a focus.  It is this that gives consistency to what you see. Change but this focus, and what you behold will change accordingly. ACIM-W-181:2:1-2

In this lesson we are asked to take on a new way of looking at our brother. ( Remember that "brother" ...includes all others regardless of sex or gender identity), especially those who we feel have "sinned" or who have wronged us in the past or who "seemingly" stand  in our way of reaching future goals.  It is not our brother that is "wrong" but our perception, our way of seeing each other and seeing time.  We tend to look at the wrong doings of others as "sins"  and we tend to focus on those wrong doings at the exclusion of anything else about that person. 

When we seek innocence in our brother, regardless of what they have done, we will tap into the innocence within ourselves and we will experience peace. This peace in the present moment will help to dismantle our need for future goals.  When we look with anger and blame on what we perceive to be "sins" in another our focus will narrow and we will see sin in others and in self.  We need to change our focus...and not put that focus  on future goals or fantasies but in the here and now.  Our view of the world will change when we do this. We will learn to trust it.

It is not this that I would look upon.  I trust my brothers, who are one with me. 181:6:4-5

Lesson 182

This lesson speaks to the real home that calls us in persistent feelings. We know that this physical world is not our home and we have within us a haunting memory of  our true home. We often ignore that feeling and try to make our home in this world...seeking an end to the sadness, homesickness by seeking to gain, attain and maintain "things" this world offers us. We will ignore, stuff, deny or numb this feeling that calls us home. Yet no matter how much we do that we cannot remain content here. There is no substitute for Heaven. 182:3:6

The Child (Christ) seeks His Father's house and that Child is within us. It is us...it is our defenselessness and our strength and He will guide us home to rest in silence and peace and love. It just takes one moment of stillness to go Home.  We are still innocent and we want nothing more than go home.  We can.

Lesson 183

This lesson tells us, in a very poetic way, what evoking the name of God can do. It evokes the angels to surround us, sing for us and protect us. It makes the world put down all illusions leading to miracles whereas the blind can see, the deaf can hear, the sick are healed of sickly thoughts, sorrow is replaced with happiness. All other gods [material world aspirations] are forgotten. When we call upon His Name we call upon the Self Whose Name is His.  We acknowledge Him as sole Creator of reality. His Thoughts become our own All the little things of earth will disappear or become silent.

Personal Note on 183

Now this lesson kind of tripped me up at first because I have been coming to the understanding that God is Nameless...like That which cannot be named...and as I learn about non duality it gets confusing.  So I go back and read again:

God's Name is holy, but no holier than yours.  To call upon His Name is but to call upon your own. 183:1:1-2
Those who call upon the Name of God cannot mistake the nameless for the Name, nor sin for grace, nor bodies for the Holy Son of God...183:5:3
...and see God's Name replace the thousand little names you gave your thoughts, not realizing that there is one Name for all there is, and all there will be 183:8:5
In this eternal, still relationship, in which communication far transcends all words, and yet exceeds in depth and height whatever words could possibly convey, of peace eternal...183:11:6

This teaches that we use the Name beyond the concept, beyond the way we habitually  limit things with names.  If it becomes the only Name there is, it becomes all there is. Is this not non-duality?
I think of the Tao and I think of the AUM in yoga which is the One Sound of God that unifies all.

There is a connection here.

Lesson 184

Aha!  This lesson takes the 10, 000 things Lao Tzu speaks of to a greater understanding.
God has no name.  And yet His Name becomes the final lesson that all things are One, and at this lesson does all learning end. 184:12:1-2

It takes us back to the realizing that words are just concepts...symbols used in this world that sees separation as a means to communicate.  We can use them in our teaching as pointers, in fact we have to use them. Right now most of us believe that learning is all bout learning the names for a thousand different things.  This creates the reality  of separation we know.  We can learn to look beyond the name to the only One reality. To transcend this  limited reality of symbols and names  we must first learn in this way and then we see that the names and symbols  are not real. We can then see what is.

Father, our Name is Yours.  In It we are united with all living things, and You Who are their Creator. What we made and call by many different names is but a shadow we have tried to cast across Your Own reality...Your Name unites us in the oneness which is our inheritance and peace. 184:15

Lesson 185

I want the peace of God.

When we say these words and mean them we would end sorrow and we would be healed. The world would be completely changed, should any two agree these words express the only thing they want. 185:2:9. There is no compromise...if we mean this we must put aside all dreams, all seeking for the things this material world offers in hope it will bring us peace. We also unite with all and want it for all.  And if we can do this, ask this and really want it ...we cannot help but get it because we already have it.

These are complicated lessons and I learn something new each time I go through them.  So I will only do five at a time. I can't stress enough...if you feel compelled towards the teachings  ACIM offers, which is basically so much of the same teaching found in Buddhism, Taoism, Yoga, The Vedas, Contemporary Christianity...as well as much of psychology and philosophy ...read it and study it for yourself.  This is my humble and often limited understanding only.

All is well.

ACIM (2007) A Course in Miracles: Combined Volume: Workbook. Foundations For Inner Peace

This Is It!

This Is It!

"Stop!"
Hear the voice that whispers.
"You  have been driving
blindly and recklessly.
Stop!
Press down gently
on that brake breath offers.
Feel your body and mind
easing under you
as you slowly come to stillness.
Allow this anchor of Life
to ground you in your now.
This is it.
Notice it.
Breathe it in!
Breathe it out!

In silence and stillness
recognize where you are.
This right here,
right now is it!
Nothing else but here.
Nothing else but now.
Nothing to run to.
Nothing to run from.
Nothing to do.
Nowhere to go.
Nothing to stuff, or hide
or push away...just this.
Just you and this moment.
You can not walk to it.
You can not walk away from it .
You cannot walk to you
and you cannot walk away from you.
You are this moment.
This is it.
Fall back into this.
Allow it.
Breathe it in
Breathe it out.


Resist the urge to run away,
to close your eyes,
to numb body and mind
from this what is.
Do not add to your confusion
and your suffering
by stabbing and piercing
this moment that is you 
with the sharp and twisted
knife of judgment.
Gently put your weapon down
and let it be.
This is it.
Rest in it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.

Accept the flat and barren  landscape
as your place to be right now.
Allow the dark and cloudy sky to
hover over what you think you know.
Stand strong against the storm,
but bend with the wind.
Reach about and touch what is.
Pick it up and hold it to your chest.
This is it.
Embrace it.
Breathe it in .
Breathe it out.

Then look to the earth beneath you.
See how it is forever shifting
as seasons pass over it,
storms come and go.
Effortlessly seek the dormant seed
of peace and joy
hidden far beneath this changing soil.
Know it is there in tiny sleeping form
gently awakened  by the vibrations
on the surface.
This is it.
Seek it.
Breathe it in
Breathe it out

Feel the rain upon your face
as it falls into the earth
and sinks down
through cracks
and openings
to a quench a thirst
only it can quench.
Then feel the tiny seed awaken,
twisting and turning
towards the emerging sun
that  trickles through
the cloud cover,
in loving fingers
of maternal light
to nourish and to heal.
Watch as the storm, for now,  
dies off
and the grey clouds part.
This is it.
Feel it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.

Observe and watch
as old weeds of ego
clumped together
in thick patches of illusion
wither away to make room
for what was and will always be
ready to come through.
Let go.
This is it.
Be in awe of it.
Breathe it in. 
Breathe it out.

Water the seed with your attention.
Fertilize it with your compassion.
And watch as it emerges
in tiny sprouts of your awareness
to blow and dance
in morning breezes.
This is it.
Be aware of it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.


Observe peaceful joy  
as it grows and blossoms
into a beautiful creation
of healing and renewal
of what was always there.
This is that which
 keeps you nourished 
even when you think you are hungry,
quenches all thirst
even when you feel thirsty,
keeps you filled with all you need
even when you believe you are empty.
This is it.
Take care of it.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.

Then watch with a
smile of knowing on your face
when the clouds come again
to hide the sun;
when  the winds  of storm
make their way
across the landscape
of your moment,
stirring up changes on the surface,
as they are meant to do.
Notice  the earth shifting
beneath your aging feet
And look deeply into
the cause, condition and consequence
of nature's ever changing nature.
Let the insight  happen there.
This is it. 
Look deeply on it. 
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out.

Stand firmly,
like a willow in the wind,
moving this way and that,
untouched and undamaged by
the storm and rain,
the surface destruction,
even if the flower you
nourished so lovingly
falters and is broken
at the stem.
Know that many seeds await beneath
this changing landscape
to come to Life
with your patience,
your loving kindness,
and your sweet awareness.
This is it.
Let it be.
Breathe it in.
Breathe it out. "

Dale-Lyn May, 2020

Okay this came out as I was listening to the lovely dharma talk listed below.  It is also inspired by all I am reading and learning...including the book Being Aware of Being Aware by Rupert Spira and Mindful Yoga by Frank Boccio.

I am not sure when I will get back to normal lol...if I ever do...but for now...This is it!

References, Inspirations and Recommended


Boccio, Frank Jude(2004) Mindfulness Yoga. Wisdom Books: Somerville


Plum Village (September 15, 2017) This Is It!/Dharma Talk by Sister The Nghiem[deer Park]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2AvpHoBHPIg

Spira, R. ( 2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. (The Essence of Meditation Series). New Harbinger:Kindle Edition.

Stepping Back a Bit

What is timeless is always there, because its being is eternally changeless.
ACIM-T-7:7:9


Been a Little Uneasy

I have been feeling a little uneasy about my time here over the last few weeks. For some reason, instead of taking the usual hour to get all my thoughts down in an entry, lately it has been taking up to four hours per entry.  And I have been struggling to articulate what it is I am learning in that time. It isn't just flowing out like it usually does.

There has been so much wonderful learning...why cannot I not get it all down?

Okay...I know I have a sleep deprived, menopausal brain that has been on the last to receive end of a slowed cardiac output ( ticker has been acting up a bit)...so that could physiologically explain why  I am challenged to write. I am okay with that but something tells me it is more than that. I am questioning if there is a "bigger" reason why Grace & Ease keep stepping out for extra breaks.

Best Use of Time an Energy?

Am I making the  best use of the time and energy I have to best serve at this time?  Sounds so dramatic, doesn't it?   But seriously...am I? Is there some better  way I can serve in these four hours I spend on this everyday? I believe this message is so important but I also know so few are ready to hear it and would more than likely be best off hearing it, if they are ready,  from someone other than me. (Like from experts, and those dharma teachers and wise individuals I cite at the end of an entry).  And if it is not coming up fluidly...what does that mean?

I have been averaging about 25 readers a day, according to my stats but I really cannot depend on those stats because it doesn't register some who tell me they are checking in and some who say they have been "subscribing" for years when my stats consistently show "no followers". So it is confusing.  I still get a bit of spam despite all the spam filters...so I am never sure the people, stats are reporting, are actually readers or whatever. So it is confusing.

Like I said before, the number of people who read this...is not important.  If I get through to one individual ...it is worth it.  Right now the biggest readership is coming from Turkmenistan, an Asian country, once part of the  Soviet Republic on the Caspian sea.  Of its close to six million people, I may only be getting one reader but if the stats are correct and you are reading this sincerely everyday...thank you! If you have other agendas...please let them be ones that will benefit you and others while doing no harm. I say that to all who tap into this site.  I am so grateful and so hopeful that this learning I express here will be received with the intention that I send it out.

Anyway...I digress.  What I wanted to say is...I am wondering if at least some of my time here could be best spent elsewhere.

I do have a full life away from the blog, especially when I am only here for an hour or so a day...I take care of household matters, cooking, baking bread, yoga, loving and caring for family members, pets, reading, studying, walking, appreciating and shooting  the life around me (though I have not had a camera in my hands for a while) and I do watch Netflix for a couple of hours a night. Still, I question if I am doing enough and what I am supposed to do or am I "hiding out"?  When the time spent here goes beyond a couple of hours I really feel like I might be beacsue other things get neglected.

We all have something unique we are to "do" right? I am quite sure I am to write but what?  I had that call to poetry a week ago and I never really followed it with the exception of getting a chap book out...it wasn't enough.  Now I feel I have to get another one out? And I am remembering, in those sleepless hours of the night, all the other things I promised to write, intended to write, started writing ( some over half way done) that I put aside to come here .  I am thinking of all teh stuff I have written that needs to go back on the submission train. Hmm! I am remembering all this  for a reason.

Maybe It is a Habit That Doesn't Serve

And as she usually does, Serendipity stepped in this morning as I was listening to the dharma talk below about habits that sometimes get in the way of our collective turning and awakening. I started to question if my coming here is more of a habit that serves the  ego, rather  than a step toward this collective awakening as it was intended? Is it a crutch that stops me from stepping up as the writer I am meant to be? Am I to serve in a different area than writing? Or as a writer in a different way?

I don't know.  I know for sure I am not going to stop coming here but I am going to come less often.  I am going to explore the world of  living and writing outside this page a little more deeply. I will come here 2-3 of times a week rather than everyday. It is like cutting back on beloved spicy food...to see if that is the cause of ones uneasy stomach?  An experiment! Now...I have done this experiment before...I keep coming back, don't I?

But this uneasiness I have been having is here for a reason.  I must recognize it, accept it, embrace it, look into and gain the insight it is offering .  So I leave here to step into the nursery where it is crying...I will pick the baby up and we will go from there.

I am not leaving.  I will be back.

All is well.

Plum Village/ Deer Park Monastery ( March 23, 2020) A Time of Collective Turning/Thay Pap Ho. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mL_sD-SPjO0

Going Inside

If you can't go outside; go inside.
-Unknown ( from listed video below)

I was inspired today by a lovely dharma talk from "Brother Freedom" (see link below) and by this gut feeling I have been having about this pandemic.  I came up with two suggestions I want to share

Don't step out of the bubble too soon!

Don't let it in!

Huh?

Don't Leave the Bubble Too Soon

I can understand people are getting tired of being cooped up inside. It effects individual well being.  People need people, right?

And there are many individuals out there with mental illness who need it more than most and they now do not have access to personal contact with support systems. 

There are elderly individuals reaching the end of their lives who are missing out on  precious time with loved ones.  Some who, because of a lack of social stimulation , are deteriorating emotionally, cognitively and physically.

I also know that this forced social isolation is wreaking havoc in other systems like the economy, small business, and social programs.

Of course, our acute care and long term care health systems are being overtaxed...our health care professionals overworked and over stressed.

And what about addiction? I know of individuals who desperately, desperately need rehabilitation and have been literally waiting for over  a year to get into a program and now it is delayed indefinitely. And could  this type of isolation lead the recreational users to over use and abuse in order to numb from the boredom? I see it happening.

We will not understand the full cost of this global shut down until it is completely lifted but we do know it is costly.

Yes it is hard...so, so hard on the world that is kept  in the bubble pandemic containment requires. We want out!  And sometimes, we tell ourselves many things to get out.

But...you knew there was a but coming , right?

We can not come out too soon!

I am especially concerned about my province loosening up too quickly on its regulations.  I have a strong feeling, and I don't know why, I just do...that we are going to hit a spike in early May...a sign that we came out too soon.

There has been no new cases in the last few days...wonderful news!  We have only a little over 100 confirmed cases in my province, all but six of them fully recovered, no deaths.  That seems like wonderful news and it is...but it doesn't mean we are out of the woods.  Especially considering the province next to us has almost 26,000 cases.  (Of course...these numbers seem so tiny compared to the States but it has to be understood how rural much of Canada is in comparison to the congested urban centers of the U.S. that are reporting much greater numbers.). 

Anyway...the fact that we have so few cases leaves me a little uneasy.  I believe, as I have said before, that the virus has to pass through us and it seems that it just went around us. If this virus is like most viruses ...in order to reduce its impact we need  herd immunity.  We only get herd immunity with the production of antibodies either naturally ( by people getting sick and recovering) or artificially (by vaccines). We haven't enough of either. 

Part of me says,   "More  healthy people have to get sick,"  and at the same time I recognize the danger in that.  We do not know how this virus will behave because it is so new and we do not know enough about it.  We cannot guarantee that infected once- healthy people will not get sick enough to need a ventilator and if that happens we might over tax our health care system thus leading to more morbidity and mortality in the  long run. 

Part of me also says, "Let the people who had the virus and who  recovered out and about".  But we cannot say for sure that this virus will lead to the same immunological responses other viruses lead to.  Maybe our immune cells will not "remember" the antigen, making any antibody production useless, and  leading to repeated infections in the same person.

Part of me says, "Just let it happen.  Let's take our chances and let nature do what she needs to do! Let the virus pass through us."  Of course I regret that as soon as I say that.  One life lost when it doesn't have to be is too much and the effects of an uncontained virus without appropriate antivirals or vaccines could be too detrimental to even imagine.

 So it is all a risk.  Getting out of the bubble too soon might do more harm than good.  Maybe ...we can slowly leak people out a bit at a time and closely monitor? Or maybe we just have to wait until we have the antivirals and vaccines to fall back on?

Anyway, let's not be in a hurry to get out too soon.

Don't let it in

Of course, I am not just  talking about not letting the actual virus into our physical  homes but also not letting  the fear, anxiety, frustration related to the virus into the home the Self offers us. (check out the video below). 

We can make a  home refuge within our minds... a place that is spacious and inviting, still and quiet.  We do not need to overload our minds with COVID-19 news.  We can close the mental window on that for most of the day.  If you feel inclined to...open it up once a day. 

I myself do not listen to the news ( I didn't before COVID and I don't now.) Surprisingly, I still know what is going on in the world around me. I don't do social media anymore nor do I have my phone with me much of the time.  I  don't actively seek the news. It comes to me when it is necessary.  I will check in with others who know once every 2-3 days to find out what is going on.  Sometimes people  will fill me in, in our conversations without my request.  I get all the news I need about this pandemic and for the rest of my time I do not dwell on it. 

I follow protocol.  I teach others.  I have "rules" in my house that I enforce so the virus does not come in, and so that others do not take it out if by chance it does enter. I meditate and pray for all those suffering because of it once or twice a day. But I I do not spend much of my mental energy on COVID-19 .  I do not let COVID-19 in.  I keep my refuge as pure as I can.

How?

By doing as the above quote suggests. I go inside.  I find the imperturbable spaciousness inside and I relax in that. My mind shuts the windows that lead outside and relaxes in that space as well.

Works for me and I am confident it will work for you.  We might not be able to go outside for a while.  Let's all try  going inside instead.

All is well

Plum Village ( March 27, 2020)Be a Home For Yourself/ Br Ngo Khong https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jveH-VUC8po

No Effort Required

No effort is required for awareness to know Itself. In fact, any effort would take it away from Itself.
Rupert Spira, Being Aware of Being Aware, pg. 24

I am going to throw a few words and phrases at you:

• Disorder
• Chaos
• Entropy
• Apoptosis
• Decay
• Disintegrate
• Death
• Dark Night of the Soul

Yucky, right?

You might react to each of these words in a common way.  You might dislike them.  Find them to be unpleasant.  Label them as negative and determine them to be something that should be avoided. Am I right?  None of these words are something that you would actively  seek in a worldly experience are they?

What if I told you that all had something in common?  These words that represent certain experiences are absolutely necessary in some form or another for your growth, your transformation, and your evolution. Do you buy into that? If so do  these words still ring with the same negative connotation then?

Let me remind you, first of all...that words are just pointers...leading to an experience beyond the image or concept the word evokes.  But in order to understand that experience from the limited mind we will have to understand the words the mind limits experience to.

Disorder, Chaos

When we think of these words we might think of a mess, something horrid beyond our control.  We might imagine a disaster of some kind with things all blown out of order, scattering this way and that in random fashion.  We might think of something we have no control over taking over our experience.  This can lead to feelings of repulsion, fear or even panic.  Needing to feel in control, safe within our little comfort zones, we may  assume it is important to avoid disorder and chaos at all costs.

Yet chaos is unavoidable. Crazy mixed up things happen around us and to us  all the  time.

Chaos In Extreme Forms:

Our present global situation reflects chaos. Right now we are in the middle of a pandemic....and the beginning of a subsequent economic crisis.  The ultimate form of chaos that can occur in the  human mind  also ran amuck in a neighboring province a few weekends ago leading to the violent destruction of life and complete disequilibrium.

Disorder  in Lesser Forms:

Looking around my house I see what is happening to my "actual" comfort zone.  It is a mess.  If I do not put great effort into maintaining some form of order...it looks the way it does now.  The cats  shed their fur and it lands on the furniture. The dogs track their muddy paws all over the place and if I don't chase them around the house with a mop...their is disorder on my floors.  People come in and drop their shoes and outer wear at the door...disorder. If I don't close all the books I have open on my desk and around me...there is more disorder.

Chaos and Disorder Are Inevitable

Sh*& happens! Even terrible, terrible sh*& and there is little to nothing we can do stop it or control it.  We can exert a great deal of energy into trying to prevent it but if we are lax in that energy even a tiny bit...chaos and disorder will prevail.  Why?  Because it is the natural law for things to return to chaos.


Say what crazy lady?

Entropy: the Natural Law of Chaos

I want to introduce you to another word:   Entropy. Entropy is disorder and chaos. According to Merriam-Webster, Entropy is the degradation of matter and energy in the universe to an ultimate state of inert uniformity....a process of degradation or running down or a trend to disorder. It is also a very natural and necessary component in thermodynamics.  It is the natural law of things, then,  to return to chaos and it requires energy expenditure to resist that chaos or disorder.

We do not "like" chaos and disorder and tend to put it on our "things to avoid " list.  We work real hard to create comfort zones that will protect us from it.  We seek to make changes in our external world that will limit or push away chaos and disorder.  We put a great deal of energy into attempting to control the  world "out there" so  it doesn't interfere with the world inside our comfort zones. We depend on our worlds having order so we have a sense of order inside. Push chaos and disorder away so we can be peaceful and happy.

How is that working for you? are you able to stop the  world from doing the crazy things it does?  How exhausted are you from trying to build better comfort zones and pushing any idea of chaos and disorder away from you? Are you  completely successful in keeping order in your comfort zone?

  And what about your physical body?  If you see yourself as a physical body you might be doing all you can to prevent its disintegration from illness or age.  You might be fearfully and chronically trying to prevent its death. How is that working for you?

Apoptosis, Decay and Disintegration

Can you prevent aging?  I assure you ...you can't. I hate to tell you this but your body is constantly changing, disintegrating and gulp...dying.  I am going to introduce another word to you Apoptosis. Right now, as you read this, you have billions of cells in your body dying and they will continue to do so every hour.  This is Apoptosis, a natural and "orderly" planned death of cells to balance the new cells being created in cell division .  Your body is constantly disintegrating, decaying and dying. As is the natural law.

Look around you... all things are doing the same.  My cat is shedding hair no longer needed.  She does not have the same coat she had last year...it is completely different. The trees are just starting to bud, the  buds will die off to form blossoms, these blossoms will die off to form fruit and that fruit will die off to release seed. Rodents are dying in my yard, (unfortunately partly due to my cat who will not keep a bell colour on) their bodies will, with the help of billions of bacteria and other microorganisms, disintegrate and decay into the earth  and that will enrich the soil with wonderful nutrients for things to grow. The world is in a constant state of dying and renewing.  It is a state of evolution. As are you.

So it all looks so random and chaotic...all of that stuff in our outer experience.  But it really isn't.  It is following a very natural law and this natural law was devised by Something that sees and knows the order in it, even if we can't. It helps us to shed what we do not need to gain the awareness of  what we do.

Death and the Dark Night of the Soul

This brings me to the last two concepts on that list I threw at you. When we define death...we need to be good and sure we are referring only to physical matter.  All the laws I spoke of so far deal only with physical matter...with form, our objective experience and I guess we can include in there ...our mental constructs, thoughts and feelings. Those are the things subject to change, disorder, chaos, entropy, apoptosis, decay, disintegration and death. They are all just objective experience.

Who we really are and what is  truly important, however, is exempt from these laws.

The Dark Night of the Soul occurs when we experience the uncomfortable transformation prior to getting beyond the focus of the physical world or understanding...when we begin to lose those parts of us that we do not need but have invested so heavily in ( things that helped us to build an identity of "little me") ...when we go through all this painful  change and chaos and disorder that we experience and come to realize that what we perceive to be losing was not serving us anyway...that a doorway is opening for us to walk through to a higher level of evolution.  Our transcending  requires change...requires some disorder and chaos, a loss of what we thought was real...so we can know what it is.

No Effort Required

The necessary death of transformation  is like the shedding of an outer shell so we can be with and Be...That which was always beneath that shell, beneath the chaos...unperturbed , unchanged or unaffected by any of it.  And that is awareness. It requires no effort...just a letting go , a falling into the natural order of things.

Awareness never experiences its own appearance or disappearance, its own beginning or ending, its own birth or death. (Spira, page 31)

All these words that seem like things we must avoid are actually pointers to our own evolution.

All is well.

https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/entropy

Eckhart Tolle ( April 25, 2020) The Hidden Harmony Beneath Disorder and Chaos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HsGSBybe31g

Spira, R. ( 2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. (The essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger. Kindle Edition

On Offering Joy and Relieving Suffering

Offer Joy to one person in the morning, and relieve suffering of one person in the afternoon.
-Buddhist Teaching

Does   your to-do list or  your hourly calendar look like this: 9:15 am: offer joy; 1300h: relieve suffering? 

Knowing Why We Are Here

I am quite sure it doesn't but if I were to ask  what is your spiritual purpose here; what is it, do you think, God (or a higher power  you identify with) wants you to do with this life you have been given... many of us would say things like:  be good to others, love them, be kind, help out, etc.  Would we not?   Most of  us believe that we are meant to bring joy and service to others ...to ease the suffering of other humans and beings...do we not?   Is that not what we are taught in our religions, families, our schools and social institutions (to a lesser degree)? Do you not have that knowledge somewhere in the core of you? I am sure you do.

The Modern To-Do List

So how many things on your to-do list, your mental plan for this day are allotted to consciously bringing joy to others and relieving suffering? 

Hopefully you will have something on that list like, spend time playing with daughter, or serve supper at the local shelter.  But really ...is that something you allot enough priority to that it makes it on that list?

How many "other" things do you have on that list that do not bring joy to you or others, that do not relieve suffering...or may in fact...in some indirect way... lead to more suffering for others? Who are you serving with this to-do list?

Man...I am not trying to do the guilt thing. If that were the case, I would probably be more guilty than most.  I remember my days of to-do listing and how everything in my daily plans seemed to be about "getting things done", "work", being "productive".  If I had time...I would squeeze in something that brought joy to me or others or something that consciously helped to relieve suffering...but that was not my priority.  My priority was to do and to accomplish, to keep up with this fast stream of traffic in the busy world.  Is this not what the "to-do list" is all about!

Not What We Are About

It may be what the busy world we created is all about, and what the to-do list is all about but is it what we are all about? No, we know that.  We know that we are here to offer joy and relieve suffering in order to make the world a better place ...we know that... but somehow it became so easy to put other things ahead of it. 

We want these little separate beings we think we are, this little self-serving entity and all we closely identify with  to be happy and safe, free from the unpleasantry of the world. And there is nothing wrong with that aspiration.  So  we commit to working hard  to get there...someday.  So each thing we scribble down on the piece of paper today  is meant to help us get there some other day.  Each action we intend to pursue is just a means to an end. 

Stepping Over Today To Get To a Future Happiness

"If I get so many things checked off today", we tell ourselves, ..."then I will get that much  closer to getting to where I need to be in order to be happy". "Then, maybe", we will rationalize, "I will devote myself more to humanity and the world then.  For now I need to get ahead!"

So maybe we are not feeling joy and sharing joy as we do the things on that list but we are doing them  so we can feel joy and share joy in the future. Right?  Our intentions are probably good.

"I can't play with my five year old daughter now on this Saturday afternoon I was supposed to have off  because I have to handle this business call for work to earn what I need to earn, to create the best life for her in the future...so I can have more time to play with her then."

 And that is a perfectly acceptable pattern of rationalization in our world today.  Perfectly normal.  Normal ...yes...but is it getting us closer to what we really want...to be who we truly are which is a being who lives to bring joy and relieve suffering in this moment, which is the only time we have?

Do you think five year old Sally is thinking about the future when you tell her you have to put extra hours of work ahead of her now so you can have more time for her then? And will 25 year old Sally still want to play on the trampoline with you when you finally get and do all the things you need to bring joy to her? Or will she be inclined to tell you about how she suffered then and now because of  the absence of your presence during her formative years?

Oh man...that does sound like a guilt trip, doesn't it?   All I am saying is what I learned the hard way, that the time to offer joy is today.  The time to help to relieve suffering is today. These are the most important things to put on any list  and...it isn't about "doing".  It is about being. 

About Being Not Doing

Your natural state is joy, your natural state is compassion.  Tap into that state and you can't help but to offer joy or relieve suffering. It is who you are.  And this joy and peace and happiness you seek through all your ceaseless doing, a joy  that you assume can be found somewhere up there in the future...can be found now, in this moment, and you don't have to do anything.  You just have to be yourSelf.

What you offer Sally then is greater than any future  lifestyle or material purchase.You offer her joy and freedom from future suffering.  What you offer that homeless person with your smile, your hand reaching out, letting them know they are seen and not alone is what Mother Teresa would refer to as "the greatest gift."

By putting away our tendency to seek and do  to find  our peace, joy, happiness  "out there" in a time that will never come and by turning inward to where that peace, joy, happiness already is,  we give the  greatest gift.

By being truly present as our Self in this moment, the only time there is,  we show others a glimpse of That which made us and That which made them. That which made  all.

All is well.

The Natural State

Happiness is our essential nature, apparently eclipsed and obscured much of the time by the clamour of objective experience but never completely extinguished by it.
Rupert Spira, page 6

So I am about to share some learning that was gained from reading Being Aware of Being Aware by Rupert Spira. First of all, I am going to encourage you to read the book  yourself and again, to  take my interpretation and shared learning with a grain of salt.  This is the type of thing, I firmly believe, that has to resonate internally before it is accepted.

What the book offers is not necessarily new learning or the sharing of novel knowledge.  I have heard it all before in one way or another. I have  studied similar teachings, absorbed it from several previous teachers and have then regurgitated it all over the page here in one form another over the years.  It is not new learning. It is actually quite ancient.  This author, however, is able to teach it in such a way...it is like I am hearing it for the first time. It resonates!

So I would like to go through the ideas presented in this little book slowly and deliberately.

The first idea, I would like to touch on is that of our natural state.

Happiness and Peace Are Our Natural State

This notion that our natural state is one of peace and happiness is probably something many of us have a hard time accepting. We probably feel unease more than we feel peace, right? We would probably say that unease is our natural state and in order to improve upon that in anyway...we need to seek the things that will make us happy and avoid the things that will make us "more" miserable. Peace and happiness seem to be something out there and in order to experience them we have to work very hard to control, fix, manipulate the outside world so we can experience them.

We often carry with us, this malignant feeling of unease, do we not, whether it is always outwardly apparent or not? Happiness and peace are things we believe we earn after hard work.  Suffering is what we experience, more easily,  if we are not doing enough to bring happiness into our lives or to push the "nasty" things away.  In other words...suffering seems easy and natural; peace and happiness require effort. Or so we think.

Yet happiness and peace is who we are! We are the very things we yearn for and seek or work hard to attain out there.

Eclipsed and Obscured

I  love how the author uses the analogy of  the blue sky to describe our natural state.  The blue sky represents our natural happy state. We are happy under blue skies; not so happy under grey skies, right?  The blue sky is always there but sometimes we do not see it or remember it is there because it gets covered with clouds.  When the  grey clouds become our reality, in the sense they are all we can see or perceive, we may fail to see the blue sky beneath or to remember that it is there.  The clouds seem to stand between us and experiencing our natural happy and peaceful state. 


So if happiness is the natural state which is also the state of knowing and being aware...happiness never goes away.  We just do not  perceive it or connect to the experience because we are focusing on the clouds.  We are focusing on objective experience which includes our circumstances, thoughts, feelings, perceptions etc rather than on the natural state within us. So if those things 'out there"  are judged as unwanted because they are perceived as challenging or "negative",  there is a veil of grey cloud between us and happiness.  Happiness is still there , we are just not fully aware of it.

I will leave it at this point for now and I will come back and make better sense in my explanations tomorrow.

Of course, reading the book on your own may be the best thing for you to do.

All is well

Spira, Rupert (2017) Being Aware of Being Aware (The Essence of Meditation Series) New Harbinger/Kindle Edition

Awareness Shining Clearly

Knowing or being aware is not inaccessible, unknown or buried within us.  It is shining clearly in the background of all experience.
Rupert Spira, Being Aware of Being Aware, Chapter 1,pg 15 Kindle Edition

A beautiful book landed on my lap ...with a little help from boredom and a desire to find something else to read.  I came across this book, Being Aware of Being Aware, by Rupert Spira. 

I have not heard of this individual author before .  I have not researched him, prior to reading this book.  So I don't know if he is an authentic teacher, or if he is a leader of a cult :).  I don't know if he is on a genuine mission to help others awaken or if he is   someone who uses his  teachings to  lead people to serve his own egoic needs. I don't know if he is beyond ego or someone who seeks to feed a hungry ego. I don't know and at this point, it doesn't matter.

As I have said many times...I do not invest in or endorse any messenger, just the message.  I will open my mind to and absorb a message if it resonates.  This resonated. The title pulled me in on my search and then when I seen how it was a free trial read I made the assumption  this individual must have thought the message was more important than his own  gratification??

So I started reading the book and finished it in a few hours. (Then I bought it!)  Not that I recommend others read it like I did.  It is written in such a way to be received slowly with lots of pauses between written text to allow for absorption of the teachings.

But it is also  written in such a way that one can visualize and understand what is being said without effort or strain, so it draws you in.  Very powerful! The message is powerful and life transforming if it resonates.

It really does offer the same message of hope all spiritual teachings offer...the ability to put an end to suffering and to find peace, happiness and true understanding by getting back to Source.  Yet it uses what the author refers to as "the direct route".  ACIM , more or less, uses this too,  explaining that all we need to do is recognize our illusions,  let them dissolve in a "Holy Instant"  and we will  find salvation. Very much the same premise in this book, building on the teachings of some of the ancient Hindu scriptures. It also explains that we come to greater understanding through the effortless  non-practice of meditation...it is not a seeking as much as a "falling into" the Deeper Self.

It is kind of serendipitous, don't you think, that a teaching about the Direct Route and non-practice  comes into my life on the same day I write about not needing to speed this process/practice  up and not needing more understanding than I am getting bit by bit?

 I am going to go through this book so I can absorb it more deeply.  Again...if anything I say resonates, please read the book yourself ...do not accept my interpretation of it without questioning and examining for yourself.

I will finish the lessons from ACIM too...maybe we will find some similarities.

All is well!

Rupert Spira (2017) Being Aware of Being Aware. Sahaja Publications: Oakland

Follow Your Own Heart!

“And every day, the world will drag you by the hand, yelling,

“This is important! And this is important! And this is important!

You need to worry about this! And this! And this!”

 

And each day, it’s up to you to yank your hand back,

put it on your heart and say,

“No. This is what’s important.”

― Iain Thomas

Just a Reminder

I need to remind you where I am at so you do not have any false notions about me or so you do not assume I have any of myself. I like to keep it real.

Like I said many times, I am no expert in anything especially that which I have yet to understand. I am not a master or a teacher in any form other than a student who learns through teaching.

Far From Evolved or Enlightened

I am still very much in what I believe are the early grades. I am still a gooey and underdeveloped mess. :)  I still have many knots stuck in places I have no idea how to get at.  I am still broken and in need of some major healing in many areas of my "little life." I "know" little to nothing about anything. I, by society's terms, am probably not functioning too well in the physical world and I have yet to come to an understanding about the non physical world that I keep saying is more important than this one.

 I am definitely not "enlightened" or even close to it.  In fact, I still struggle to understand what enlightenment is. I am not seeking to become a spiritual master in this life time, nor am I intending to become a follower of one. I am just intending to  move forward to a greater understanding  than the one I have been conditioned to believe is true. 

I guess, to paraphrase the many poets before me, I am just seeking to be guided by heart rather than my mind, by Self rather than a collective ego, and to live in a way that feels right at the deepest level. I don't know how to do that yet...so I read and listen.  I explore what is going on in the world around me  and I turn  inward to what is inside me. I listen to that Teacher, more than any other...the lessons are still a bit garbled like Charlie Brown's teacher's voice but...it is starting to come. 

A Student and Life Long Learner

I bring any learning, as underdeveloped as it may be, here to this page because as A Course teaches, A good teacher clarifies his own ideas and strengthens them by teaching them.  Teacher and pupil are alike in the learning process. They are in the same order of learning, and unless they share their lessons conviction will be lacking. ACIM-T-4:I:1:1-3. This is how I learned through all my years of academia...by teaching others what I have learned  even if it was just to my cat in my room.  That is how I learn.  So I am trying to share learned lessons here , to test to see how strong my convictions are.  When I write them here, they strengthen...even if it is only a handful of teacher/students who read them....even if it is only one.

What I am trying to emphasize here, is that I am just a student...a life long learner who teaches to learn. Teaching and learning are your greatest strengths now, because they enable you to change your mind and help others to change theirs. ACIM-T-4:I:4:1And I am aware I may sound like Charlie Brown's teacher to many of you.

Don't Listen to Me/ Listen to You

So what should you do?  Take whatever I have to say with a grain of salt.  Don't believe any of it until you test it out for yourself.  Go inside you where the answers are, where your truth is and let that guide you.  I do hope whatever I put here will be a helpful pointer to you but I don't have teh answers.  You do!

The Leader/Follower Danger

Why did I bring this up now?  I watched Holy Hell  for the second time and it both fascinated me and disturbed me. Shows about cults  make me question my own seeking and my purpose for being here. I think of these leaders and wonder how and why people blindly follow them...people just like me who are seeking more understanding?  What happens in these cults is the seeking gradually gets lost beneath the ever expanding  ego of the leader.  The followers are slowly  manipulated  to worship the leader rather than that which they were seeking.

What is Wrong with the Followers?

There is some really good intention there, isn't there? What the followers are seeking is great, is it not? Understanding, love, community, service, compassion and peace is something we all want, is it not?  And these communities created by these leaders seem to offer that and maybe even genuinely at first ( though I doubt it with this guy who sought  hypnotherapy and behavioural training before seeking followers. Big clue that his intentions were more to control and manipulate a group  than serve).  So a community of like minded individuals come together with good intention only to find that ego once again got in the way of their seeking...sometimes to a dangerous and abusive degree. 

What is Wrong with the Leader?

Do most leaders set out to mass control and brain wash for their own egoic reasons?  Or is there some intention in them that is altruistic in the beginning?  I hear of some yogis, one I often quoted btw before hearing about his own endeavors as a suspected cult leader,  who do set out to help heal. By assuming role of guru, master, however,  it is  very easy, I suppose, to get lost under that devotion and adoration ...for the ego to swell in its "little me" glorification.  Hmmm!  It is scary!

Don't Follow/ Don't Lead?

So I don't personally like to follow anyone or to lead.  I like to share and to learn from others but I am very, very cautious about people who claim to be spiritual masters or gurus.  That is a role. I believe, meant  only for the truly enlightened...the truly holy...and the truly humble. 

There is little room for ego in any type of true leadership.  Isn't that what Lao Tzu taught over and over again? What Jesus taught? What Buddha taught?  Yes these individuals may have had disciples but in their life times they did not ask to be served, to be held up high, to be worshipped.  They kept saying ...the same that is in me is in you. Though man may have given them glory during and after they left this planet they did not set themselves a part other than to be heard when they were teaching. Ego may step into a human mind to convince it ...it is like these individuals but the moment one assumes glory, blind obedience, special service....then there is a problem. 

This documentary also made me question my own seeking.  Am I just grasping blindly at teachings to fill this hole of not knowing in me.  If I didn't have such an aversion to leaders or being a follower...maybe I would be one of those members that blindly serves someone else's ego for 20 some years? 

In Everyday Life

How do cults apply to everyday life? Do we do something like  that in a lesser sense in this so called "cult-free" existence don't we?  In our institutions, our politics, our religions.  These same tendencies to a lesser degree are there too, aren't they?

I don't know...this cult thing is one more thing I need to explore farther. 

I love the above quote/poem that brings us back from being followers to listening to Self.  Maybe we all have to do that a little more often.

All is well.

Holy Hell . Netflix

Trauma Suffering

If there is meaning in life at all, then there must be meaning in suffering.  Suffering is an eradicable part of life, even as fate and death. Without suffering in life, human life cannot be complete.
Viktor E. Frankl

A terrible, terrible tragedy occurred in a neighboring province this weekend.  A very, very sick human being gunned down and killed over 22 unsuspecting people in some act of violence that is so hard to understand.  I found myself hearing the news but  not really able to process it, thus my not referring to it over the last couple of days.  Some things are just too much for the human mind to absorb...like this example of the  extreme fragility of the human mind and the human body...so it usually denies, deflects or stuffs evidence of those things away.

Those Surviving This Trauma

Thinking about the trauma that the survivors of this atrocious act must be experiencing, (will be experiencing for the rest of their lives, I imagine), has led me to examine the nature of suffering  a trauma like this and how to transcend it.  Of course, I don't know!!!  I don't know how anyone gets beyond such a "shock". I am just taking what I have learned and what I feel in my gut as some less than perfect  attempt at empathy and hope.

Does Trauma Transform?

I can look at trauma...at a lesser degree...and see how in the long run it can transform into something life enhancing in the long run.  Yet how can one even think of any positive upon looking at this incident in this moment?  There is understandably nothing but grief, shock,  and fear, soon to be followed by extreme outrage now...but in time, maybe in time, there will be at least some semblance of peace.

As Eckhart Tolle, says when he answers a question from such a trauma survivor ( video linked below) the pain of such a horrid challenge may never completely dissolve in this life time for those who were involved or for those who lost loved ones.  They will carry it with them, in some form, for the rest of their lives; they will likely get lost in identification with it...they and teh world will define who they are by this incident for a long time; and maybe they will become so identified with this pain that they will resist and become angry at  any mention of there being a "way out" of it....even years down the road.  But I do believe that there is always hope that someday they will be able to transcend it.  This awful , unimaginable tragedy could become  a crack in an armour , that allows precious understanding and Grace  to come through....someday, someday.

For now...pain and grief will be their reality.

As Bystanders From A Distance

We as bystanders, can look upon this and learn as well.  We can learn...not to get lost in resistance of what happened by hiding behind "This should never have happened" ( It did) ...not to  hate...not to pass judgement and blame on anyone...not to shutdown in our fear...not to own the assumption that "All humans are greedy, violent creatures that cannot be trusted" or that " the world is a dangerous and terrifying place to live in"...not to point fingers at those who we assume didn't do enough...not to pity...but ...to reach out in love, and compassion, whether it be with deed or thought to those who are suffering and to humanity at large. 

The One Shared Humanity

We could all look at this, in a sense, that we were all attacked and...(this will be hard for people to swallow)...we all attacked. As one human race, it was our innocent brothers and sisters that were gunned down and it was our brother that gunned them down. Hate will not put an end to hate...only love in the form of understanding, forgiveness and compassion will.

The Habitual Mind's Reaction To Such Trauma

It would be so easy to get lost in the "story" of this tragic occurrence, "the idea"  of it; the thought stream that would take us into added suffering, drama and pain . By itself, this is more than enough tragedy, we do not have to allow the ego mind to jump into to create more suffering, do we?  

And our minds will do that...it is a habitual and conditioned way we have of reacting to such things.  First, we attempt to shut down and deny, push aside...then we resist with all our might the experience of "pain" by getting into our heads and creating a drama of hate, revenge, blame, fear and another reason to close down. This is so much better, is it not, than the red raw vulnerability we experience when we look at the fragility of the human mind and the human body as situations like this force us to do?

Stillness At the Core

Inside each and everyone of us is this "core of stillness" and it is there even in the greatest challenges.  This spacious center of who we are  cannot be harmed, nor can it harm.(Tolle). It is actually our refuge ...a place we can go to when the external world seems to be falling apart around us. (Thay Bhap Ho)   We need to access this place more often when we are not facing such gruesome challenges , so we can face them with this knowing when they do occur. This will not make the pain go away but it can certainly make it a lot easier to deal with. 

Accessing this place will also help us to "let go" of our pain someday, to release it so we can transcend it. The Buddhists teach that once we release pain it automatically transcends into something beautiful and healing for all.

That is what I wish for all survivors of this, for all of us...that we can someday...even if it is years down the road...transcend this pain through release.  In the meantime, let's pray for a little peace and ease throughout this trying time for all who are directly experiencing this trauma and for the rest of the world that watches.

It is as it is.

Eckhart Tolle( April, 2020) What Do You Recommend for Healing Trauma?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZ2GfrendQg

Thay Phap Ho/Plum Village  (March 1, 2020) Earth Holder Retreat/Final Dharma Talk Deer Park Monastery. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bG-HbasuW-I