When you can stand in the presence of reality than your being, your inspiration, your divinity, your wholeness, your soul interacts directly with what has been created in front of you and that brings about such beauty,...the Tao...complete wholeness...
Who is interacting with this crap that is being created in front of me?
I have been having a tug-a-war with many things lately...my circumstances have been getting a little overwhelming in number, if not by quality and intensity ...definitely by number...boom, boom, boom...one hit from Life after another...(though there has definitely been some very "intense" things amongst the multitude of stressors that unfolded in front of me). And they unfolded...I didn't go looking for them lol.
Life said, "Here! Deal!" and I shocked, thinking , "Wow! Didn't I kind of advance beyond all this crap?" found myself grabbing the tug a war rope and gripping on pretty tightly. I had this intense inner experience of stress and reactivity, like I had to play this game mind was challenging me with, like I had no other choice. My mind was so noisy: "OMG look at this! Look at that! Deal with this! Deal with that! Do this! Do that! There is so much that has to be done. You need to do something about the suffering taking place around you. You need to finish that book and get it up. You need to find a way to deal with the pain so it isn't stopping you from doing the things you need to do. You need to get ready for the trip and find some way to pay for it! Why or why did you agree to go on a trip you cannot afford???? Look, how nothing works out for you. You are digging into empty pockets to get a bit of renos done ...and everything that could go wrong is going wrong! ( We discovered yesterday that there is a leak from our bathroom down into the basement kitchen. It isn't from the leaky sink...it is from the toilet...the wax ring was not applied right. All this time we have been using the toilet. That means there is no salvaging any of the new floor...but we also have to replace the floor beneath and all the ceiling tiles downstairs...not to mention the amount of sanitation that has to take place. I can't even go there right now...sigh. Yep! There is so much right now that I am closing the bathroom door and not dealing with it until I can. )
Today is a day for trying to ease suffering, possibly saving a life, and for pushing against some other doors that are so hard to open. ...I feel my grip tightening on this rope as I think of that.
Life is just doing Life, I know that! I do. It isn't personal. And for some reason...for a host of different varibles and causes I will likley never understand...all of these things showed up at the same time. 'This human' I call "me" is slipping just a bit from my practice and giving into old habit energy. I am reacting. I do know that all this reactive energy I am experiencing in response to this little onslaught from Life is not who I am. I do know there is no "pole star in here"... nothing healthy guiding me . Mind is a a noisy mess right now...and I do know that I do not have to listen to it!
Believe me, I want to stay detached and centered in the seat of consciousness....but...sometimes it feels like this tug a war rope is not only in my hands but tied around my waist. My heals are dug deep into the earth but I am moving toward the mud. I am moving. I don't want to go down but I can taste the mud in my mouth already.
Don't make everything....every life choice...every direction you go in a servant of the noise in your head...reactive energy...there is no guide in there...no polestar...nothing is guiding you...you are thrashing around trying not to drown....
anxiety...depression...need ...are just pictures the lower self holds up...these pictures have a nature
These pictures are being shoved right in my face. It is hard not to look. My focus on them is bringing me down
You can analyze the pictures or you can analyze who is looking.
The Self is behind the mind...and when you return to that place there is nothing but love. From here you can be inspired to act instead of being driven to act as the lower energies do....
The only reality is that which is in front of you...the rest is mind (unreal/maya)
I get all that from Singer's podcast (these statements may be paraphrased to some degree). We only have to deal with what is in front of us. Yet, what do we do when reality is so challenging...like when what is right in front of us is so much and so intense all at once? How do we deal then?
you do not have to listen to the noise inside....
apply the will and you can transcend
The only thing that works with habit energies is transcendence
I want to transcend this I do. I want to transmute all these negative energies into something beautiful. I want to use this multitude of experiences unfolding now as part of my practice. I want to open not close.
...blocked energies: anger, lust, greed, envy...can be transmuted to the love, peace etc...the real energy trapped beneath these blockages
I know I, as 'me', need to pull back. It is this idea of 'little me' that is in the way...resisting what is unfolding. I need to get out of the way.
...by you pulling back you make room for it to release inside...you are the blockage
If I hold onto this rope and continue to resist what Life is giving me, I will not win. I will get pulled into lower self. What I must do is let go of the rope and then untie what is around my waist. I can do that. All this negative energy of fear, anxiety, sorrow, stress that I am experiencing can be transmuted into compassion, first of all, (and I do see that happening in me) and then from there into something even more beautiful.
I have to trust that there is something much stronger and beautiful beneath these reactive energies. I want to focus on that more so than this that is unfolding in front of me and how my busy mind reacts to it. I do not have to listen to the noise it makes. I am only complicating reality when I do that. (Right now reality is challenging enough :)) .
...water finds a crevice...it finds a way to flow through...take what Life gives you...and you can raise the moment that passes by...you can become an instrument of Divine Will instead of little me's will
Hmm! I, who I really am, will get through this. The personal self might not but I will.
All is well!
Michael Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( August, 2024) The Yoga of Letting Go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w64NK2Ar5_s&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2
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