Watching It Unfold

You cannot control what unfolds in front of you but you can control what you do with it

Michael A. Singer

This pain that awakes me every morning around five is teaching me something.  I question what that lesson is. Sometimes I fall back to sleep as I ponder that question and other times, like this morning, I just sit up to meditate...not so much on that question but on Life in general.  I just sit there in my bed...in easy pose...watching my breath...watching what is coming in through my senses, mostly the sounds of early morning...watching body sensations (the pain being one)...watching the feelings and thoughts as they arise...and watching that space behind it all when I fall back into it. (I fall in to and out of that space many times during a practice). Today I sat for an hour,with kriya included in that hour. ( I have no idea what I am doing with Kriya...I mean I set a pure intention, follow Yogananda's directions and add a few mantras but I have no idea what it is doing.)

Anyway, I got up afterwards to embrace the day (or at least give it one of those awkward hugs we offer people we really are not in the mood to hug) and here I am. Others have already approached me with, "Can I talk to you?" and I smiled and said "later". I need some space. 

I listened to Michael Singer but as I listened I found myself restless in the moment thinking, "Maybe I need something a little more than a contemporary take on ancient wisdom...maybe I need to get a little closer to the source"...  but I sat anyway. 

Life is still unfolding around me. Some things are getting what my psyche deems as "better" ( which equates to simply matching my inner expectations), other things are remaining the same, and some things, like the pain, are getting what my psyche deems as worse. Such is Life. I think I am a bit more distanced from that unfolding and the coming and going of circumstance. I find myself back here in the Seat a little more and pulled out into the drama a bit less. 

Have I made changes in my outer world? I guess I made more changes in my inner world.  I made the decsion to let some things go...like my pears.  There will be no canning this year.  I might freeze some but I am not even committed to that. Sigh! I hate wasting nature's bounty but I guess my energy is nature's bounty too. 

I bought new flooring and we are going to try it again. I feel a little bit better about it this time and I am going to be more actively involved, possibly trusting less, but I am confident we will do better by using different flooring and a different method. 

Once the bathroom is done, I can put things back and clean up a bit. That will be such a relief. 

I also got the ebook version of my book up so it will soon be available for those that might need it. ( I have yet to view the published version...I am quite sure I will open a copy up to discover  glaring mistakes but hey...it is up!)  It will be found on Kindle: All About the Sound: Making Learning English Easier with the 3 P Approach. ...over the next couple of days. The next step is the audio version as an audio companion to assist with reading comprehension. Of course, I am not looking for fame or fortune with it...just an opportunity to serve (that sounds so lame and corny, doesn't it? lol) It is a good thing I have no expectations because it too may fall into obscurity like most things I write. That outcome, I soothe myself,  is not up to me. I did my part. I created and I shared. I leave the rest to the powers that be. I feel some peace knowing that I have it out there. 

Actually getting things done for the trip too. I even had a moment of excitement the other day.  I had some butterflies in my belly which of course was somehow veiled by all the going ons I have in my belly these days...but I felt it. It was there under the pain. It made me realize, too, how the pain was a knot or blockage both physically and energetically in the way of the good stuff coming up...I am confident that once I cleanse whatever is blocked there, the pain is going to go....and feelings like excitement will be the norm. 

My daughter is on a medication to cover her until she gets into psychiatry...which is wonderful.We got through to a Nurse Practioner who both empathized with her situation and who prescribed. (I love nurses!)  Not sure how that medication will work. It will take a few few weeks but it is something and it gives her a little hope. 

I am still moderating the custody thing but I am confident that over time all that painful energy will diminish a bit and there will be less tension and more kindness and respect. 

It is all good.

All is well in my world.