The spiritual progress of the aspirant is measured by the extent to which he[she, they] receives inner tranquility.
Sivananda
Contemplating where I am on this spiritual path is something I often catch myself doing. It seems to be a slippery slope I am climbing. I want to go up as high as I can and reach the peak. I do. I see myself progressing upwardly, and I see myself slipping back into unconsciousness...I pull myself back up or away only to soon realize I fell back again and again. I do not know how close I am to the summit.
I practice all limbs of yoga, I do, committedly and devotedly if not perfectly. I study and listen. I write and I teach (as a part of my practice...again imperfectly and without ever knowing to whom I am teaching or reaching with my words.) I serve in other ways...sometimes with ego ( I know it is ego when I say "I serve") and sometimes with Self ( I know it is Self when whatever I do happens naturally, despite "me", as if I am pulled to do it without any attachment to outcome or this idea of "service"...like with what I do here.) I know what I want: to reach that summit and at the same time I know there is no reaching, no getting anywhere, because I am already there. It gets confusing.
Anyway, I had a dream last night. And as I often dream, I dreamt about being in some type of school with some type of test to write. (I, because I spent so many years in the school system, personally and professionally, often dream of school or relate my awakening process to the learning done in academia.) Someone next to me is showing me their test result that they are quite proud of...a "B-" , and explaining that they just worked on the take home exam a few hours before it was due and were not expecting such a mark. They relay to me that the teacher is not as difficult as we thought she was. In my heart, I know I am willing to put more work in and therefore get a better mark than B-, and at the same time I know, in the dream, it isn't about the mark...it is about the learning. I am willing to try harder than this person beside me did because I truly want to learn. I also discovered from this person with the B- that I have a teacher that is not there to make my life difficult but only to encourage my learning. Just as I realized that, I heard out of nowhere the familiar female voice that often speaks to me in dreams. "You are so close! You are so Close!" It was so clear and I instantly knew, as I do now, that the speaker was talking about my spiritual progress.
Hmm!
Spirituality isn't about getting somewhere else. It is about falling back into that which was always there. It is not something "I" do. It is something "I am." We do not need to go anywhere. The process is simply a realization and remembering the inner tranquility of who we are. "Me" and its need to do, fix, control, climb, and get somewhere is often in the way. Without this "me" and its drama that pulls our consciousness down, we would realize that we are already at the summit; we have always been at the summit. We just forgot that because we were looking down at that which we are not, becoming addicted to the play it was performing in, becoming identified with it.
The spiritual process is about looking away and remembering that the "me" and its drama is simply an object of consciousness. We are the consciousness that is staring down at it...we are not it. When we fall back into this consciousness we will find the inner tranquility we are seeking .
All is well in this world I erroneously refer to as "mine."
Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (January 18, 2024) Understanding Levels of spiritual Growth. https://tou.org/talks/
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