Disturbed by what happens?

We are disturbed not by what happens to us, but by our thoughts about what happens.
-Epictetus

Having some challenging circumstances over the last couple of days...weeks...months lol.  As a result, I found myself unable to do anything yesterday....I crashed and this am I slept in until noon.  Not like me at all but my body and mind are a bit on the tired side.

The loss of my dog was a big thing for me.  Many would say, "It was just a dog!  Get over it!".  Anyone who says that has not yet had the blessing of the type of bond I had with my old girl.  I hope some day they do experience it because it is worth all the grief and pain that comes after the physical bond is disconnected.  I am so, so grateful for her presence in my life.

My grieving now is very, very manageable.  It was the "long good bye" that really caught me off guard.  I am more of an anticipatory griever.  I always, always hated saying good bye and having to be the one that made the decision that a goodbye was called for left me reeling.  I also believe that pet grief is safe grief....'healing' grief...it allows us to open up and when we do,  not only does the grief of the present loss come through, it also allows other losses and hurts that we have stuffed inside to become released. And man...I have a lot stuffed inside. :) I am very grateful, then,  for the grief...as weird as that probably sounds.

Once I do let go of something I loved or was attached to ...which I have been blessed with the ability to do with my girl...I move on.  And I am moving on taking her sweet essence with me in some way.  Our bond now is different but it is still there.

I am also dealing with a sibling crisis and had to respond to an emergency situation Friday night that also left me reeling.  I came this close to having to perform CPR on my sister and though I have the remarkable ability now to stay calm in such emergency situations ( presence indeed steps in for me)...I feel exhausted afterward. My body just becomes exhausted.  There are so many secret variables to that situation that I sometimes resent having to deal with it.  I have a need for honesty and I can't get caught up in drama, delusion or story without it draining me farther. So this near death experience coupled with a "Let's pretend" left me completely, completely drained.

Man....It really has been a very trying six months for this little version of 'me' and it doesn't really look like it is going to get easier any time soon.  :)

For that reason I am so grateful for my new way of seeing things. I now know that it is not circumstances but what I "think" and "feel' around them that causes suffering.  I don't resist the things that come my way anymore. I am learning to do as Byron Katie teaches: Love what Is. I just love what is and I get by.

It is all good!