Fifth and Final Reworking of a Poem

 Final Attempt.  Not working this again lol.  I do not know why I bothered with this one so much. It is far from what others might deem as great or even good...not worth th effort even...but I felt compelled to rework and revise.  Crazy. Maybe its the message that needs to be heard?

The River and the Eddy,

While the Ocean calls the River home,

a prized trophy bobs up and down,

carried high on the shoulders of the returning hero.

Asleep, after hours of splashing effort,

 unaware of the strong and steady waves

 that carry it  along,

 the swimmer mindlessly moves

 toward its own demise.

 

Whirling, swirling, riveting in tormented circles,

the Eddy up ahead gets ready to pull 

all treasures from the River’s protective hold.

 Set on tearing all the unsuspecting,

yet the endlessly anticipating 

away from their unconscious daydreams

it waits for its next victim to arrive.

 

Like a bully hiding in the corner of the River’s bend,

it sticks out a dirty foot from below the sparkling waves.

And the surprised River, so intent on getting to its destination,

heeding only the voice that calls it forward,

stumbles over the boulder of Samskara 

and its lifetime collection of debris.

Losing its momentum, its hold on self weakens.

The swimmer is torn from its clutches by the Eddy’s force.

Both the river and its charge

 are clumsily sucked into the awkward barrier.

 

Tangled up in all the other captured things,

torn from its original trajectory, 

splashing about in a desperate attempt 

to find something solid to hang onto 

the drowning treasure swallows

the waves of misguided attempts 

and begins to sink to the depths below.

 

All the while the rush of these Holy Waters,

the trough and crests of these mighty waves,

are still being called forward 

by the Oceans’ powerful  but unseen Force. 

The Voice of Source is strong and unrelenting, 

stirring up the waters that collect

behind the impediment of samskara.

 

The River is drawn like a magnet to all that is.

Yet, the cries of its cargo, the drowning swimmer,

pull its attention down and away from nature’s intent.

When the watery focus repels that which it is,

and is drawn instead

 to the stuffed and stored debris of human preferring,

to the boulders of human resistance,

forming the current of human selecting,

it spins in a whirlpool of human suffering.

 

Down, down, down the swimmer sinks, 

claimed by this vortex of its own trapped energy, 

into the mirky depths that build up and break down 

behind the boulder of samskara.

The River …the powerful, majestic river ...

drops its all- seeing eyes from the skies

and follows this human down to the watery death that awaits.

 

Howling with delight,

the Eddy triumphantly claims 

another victory over the natural flow of Life.

 

The undaunted Ocean sings again, 

calling out in compelling whispers,

coaching the River to leave the swimmer behind 

and to come home where it belongs.

Reluctant to detach from that

which it carried with such pride,

the waters continue to resist 

They twirl and swirl around and around,

making the Eddy stronger with each downward plunge.

 

Still, that Force calling the River forward is unflinching.

It is determined to bring all its Ripples home. 

Unknown to this tiny disturbance of river, 

trapped in one of many Eddies, 

 Life is determined to go on.

In the universal flow,

exists the Shakti, pure and free, 

moving in glorious sparkling persistence,

 back to the Source from where it came.

The birds and winds above 

cry out in joyous awakening 

relaying a message in their song   

for all who will listen: 

Stop resisting, relax, 

and let the ocean pull you home.

 

Through the rushing noise of human drama,

 the soothing chorus is heard

and the River finally removes its focus

from the drowning, struggling form.

It lets go.  

 The flimsy carcass slips 

lifelessly to the muddy bottom,

while the waters return 

to the surface where they, 

sparkling with millions of  twinkling diamonds,

embrace the sunlight once again.

 

The boulders dissolve,

 the debris disperses

 and the Eddy is no more.

Without the heaviness of swimmer,

the barrier of Samskara, 

the mighty River is set free to continue 

its joyful journey home. 

© Dale-Lyn, July 2024

Attempt Number Four

 

The River and the Eddy,

The Ocean calls the River home.

A prized trophy, carried high on the shoulders of this returning hero

the swimmer bobs up and down. Finally asleep,

 after hours of splashing effort, unaware of the strong and steady waves

 that carry it protectively along, it moves toward its own demise.

 

Whirling, swirling, riveting in tormented circles, the Eddy up ahead

gets ready to pull the swimmer from the River’s protective hold.

It, without mercy, is set on tearing all the unsuspecting,

yet the endlessly anticipating away from their unconscious daydreams.

Like a bully hiding in the corner of the River’s bend,

it sticks out a dirty foot from below the sparkling waves.

The surprised River, so intent on joyfully getting to its destination,

heeding only the voice that calls it forward,

stumbles over the boulder of Samskara and its lifetime collection of debris.

Losing its momentum, its grasp weakens.

The swimmer is torn from its clutches. Both it and its charge

 are clumsily sucked into the awkward barrier.

 

Tangled up in all the other floating things the Eddy pulls toward it,

torn from its original trajectory, splashing about

 in a desperate attempt to find something solid to hang onto 

the drowning treasure swallows the waves of misguided attempts 

and sinks to the depths below.

 

All the while the rush of these Holy Waters,

the trough and crests  of these mighty waves,

are still being called forward by the Oceans’  powerful  but unseen Force. 

This Voice is strong and unrelenting, stirring up the waters 

that collect behind the impediment of samskara.

 

Yet, the cries of the River’s cargo, the drowning swimmer,

pull its attention down. When the watery focus is drawn

to the stuffed and stored debris of human preferring,

to the boulders of human resistance,

forming the current of human selecting,

it has no choice but to spin in a whirlpool of human suffering.

 

Down, down, down the swimmer sinks, 

claimed by this vortex of its own trapped energy, 

into the mirky depths that build up and break down 

behind the boulder of samskara.

And the River …the powerful, majestic river ...follows.

 

Howling with delight, the Eddy triumphantly claims 

this that makes it stronger.

 

The undaunted Ocean sings again, calling out in compelling whispers,

for the River to leave the swimmer behind and come home.

Not wanting to abandon that which it clung to for so long,

the waters still resist and twirl and swirl around and around

making the Eddy stronger and stronger and stronger.

 

Still, that Force calling the River forward is determined 

to bring all its Ripples home. 

Unknown to this tiny disturbance of river 

trapped in one of many Eddies,  Life goes on beyond it. 

In the flow of that universal Life beyond the barrier,

exists the Shakti, pure and free, 

moving in glorious sparkling persistence,

 back to the Source from where it came.

The birds and winds above cry out in joyous awakening 

relaying a message in their song   for all who will listen: 

Stop resisting, relax, and let the ocean pull you home.

 

Through the rush of human drama, the soothing chorus is heard

and the River removes its focus from the drowning form.

It lets go.  As soon as it releases its hold allowing the flimsy, 

lifeless carcass to fall to the muddy bottom,

its waters return to the surface where they, 

sparkling with millions of  twinkling diamonds,

embrace the sunlight once again.

The boulders dissolve, the debris disperses

 and the Eddy is no more.

 

Without the heaviness of swimmer,

the barrier of Samskara, 

the mighty River is set free to continue 

its joyful journey home. 

© Dale-Lyn, July 2024 attempt # 4

Are you in this dance?

 This is the real secret of life-to be completely engaged with what you are doing in the here and now. And instead of calling it work, realizing it is play.

Alan Watts

It is all just play! Do you get that yet.  It doesn't matter what we are doing actually (as long as it isn't harmful to other beings). It doesn't matter if we are working in a lab close to discovering the cure for cancer or writing the next Pulitzer Prize winning novel.  It doesn't matter if we are sitting on a mountain cliff in the Himalayas chanting "Aum" into the air or kneeling for hours on a church pew praying. It doesn't matter if we are preparing to  graduate from University with a PhD in Nuclear science or picking up the textbook that says "Get your GED in 30 days" . It doesn't matter if you are sitting on a park bench in your neighborhood or zooming by on a Fast Train as you travel through Spain.  It doesn't matter if you are by yourself, unnoticed in a crowd, or delivering a speech to the United Nations. The point is..."you are". The question  then, "Your Life is right here,, right now ; are you in it?"

Or are you like the majority of the human race waiting...waiting to get there. All the while saying to yourself, "It is coming...it is coming.  It is almost here.  I will get there...just have to work a little harder, do a little more, go a little farther, wait a little longer...but man, it is so close?" 

What are we waiting for? What is that thing that is coming? What are we trying to achieve with all our effort?

Peace? Happiness? Joy? Love?  That which will settle the mess inside? 

Are you getting it or are you still waiting? I mean you probably get some semblance of peace and happiness and love every now and again...that keeps you waiting doesn't it, for more?  But it never lasts does it?...What we get  is just a tease. Just like when a gust of wind might blow the carrot so close to the donkey's mouth he can nibble on it, get a taste of it before it settles back into its position away from reach. After that nibble the donkey keeps going, keeps working, keeps trying, and keeps waiting for the day he can get more than a nibble. 

More than a nibble?

What if you woke up every morning full of these feelings of happiness, peace, joy, bliss, and love...just full of it? Would it matter then if you graduated with honors from your PhD program,, if you made it to the finish line, if you got published, if you finally had enough money to buy that house or travel? Would it matter if you were a broke, destitute, uneducated human being sitting on a park bench doing absolutely nothing? No, if you felt good, clean, and pure inside all these things you are seeking or waiting for would not matter. Would they?

Imagine just feeling high and blissful...full of love for self and all beings...all the time no matter what you were doing or what you had. Imagine dancing simply for the joy of dancing. 

I want to be in the dance, not waiting for the music to start or stop so I can get sonewhere?  What about you? 

The music of Life is playing here and now...and we can be in this dance 100 percent. It might be painful and exhausting at times, it might me  a fun jig or a beautiful waltz...but the point is we just need to be in it...no matter what  And it has nothing to do with what we are doing and everything to do with being here now. 

Like, I realize that and I do find myself enjoying being where I am more and more and seeking less and less. I still get pulled away again and again into "the need to do  and get somewhere " frenzy of our culture. Despite that,  I am finding more peace in this doing that I am doing and in the not doing that I am not doing.  Still writing a book I probably have no business writing and what others are calling " a boring endeavor".  I have no idea why I am writing it.  It is taking much more time than I thought it would but for some strange reason I hear the music behind me as I write. My fingers just go tapping along. 

Though I have no idea where this book will go when it is finished...if it will ever get finished...I am enjoying the process of this "boring endeavor" .  I am enjoying the learning and the "scholarship" for the sake of learning" as well...with everything I do.  Alan Watts once shared that scholarship means "leisure devoted to learning". I want to study all "the charming irrevalences of life". Learning is my leisure. It truly, truly is. I enjoy and dance along with that too.

I want "more" of this peace and joy, I do. I am still not "settled" in the here and now all the time.  I still want to control the music and lead the steps at times I do...but I do realize fully and wholly ...that it is all about being in the dance. I just want to be in the dance!

Anyway, I am rambling again. 

Just be in the dance!

All is well.

The River and the Eddy

 You are not letting go of life; you are letting go of the reaction to life.

Michael A. Singer

After listening to Michael Singer today I worked the poem I put down yesterday a bit. It is certainly not perfect but it is a lot better than yesterday's version.  Yesterday, what came out of me was the message in long awkward sentences.  Today, with help from a little writer's ego, it became somewhat of a poem with a message. Still lacks a cadence that I am happy with...who knows maybe I will work it again...or...maybe I won't lol. Regardless, it is what it is.  

I worked it again and I will work it some more lol. It really does not want to cooperate with my writer's sense of "good enough" and that is okay...it doesn't have to. The challenge is good. 

The River and the Eddy,

A prized trophy,

carried high on the shoulders 

of a returning hero

the swimmer bobs up and down

Finally asleep after hours of splashing effort,

unaware of the strong and steady 

waves that carry it protectively along

it moves toward its own demise.

 

Whirling, swirling,

riveting in tormented circles,

the Eddy up ahead

is preparing to pull the swimmer 

from the River’s protective hold.

 

It, without mercy,

 tears all the unsuspecting,

yet the endlessly anticipating,

from its once easy peaceful float.

 

Like a bully,

hiding in the corner of the River’s bend,

it sticks out a dirty foot

from below the sparkling waves.

The surprised River,

so intent on joyfully getting to its destination,

heeding only the voice that calls it forward,

stumbles over the boulder of Samskara

and its lifetime collection of debris.

Losing its momentum, its grasp weakens.

The swimmer is torn from its clutches

and both are clumsily sucked into the

awkward barrier.

 

Tangled up in all the other floating things

the Eddy pulls toward it,

torn from its original trajectory,

splashing about in a desperate attempt

to find something solid to hang onto 

the drowning treasure

swallows the waves of misguided attempts

and sinks to the depths below.

 

All the while the rush of these Holy Waters,

the trough and crests of these mighty waves,

are still being called forward 

by the Oceans’ powerful  but unseen Force.

This Voice is strong and unrelenting,

stirring up the waters that collect behind

the impediment of samskara.

 

Yet, the cries of the River’s cargo,

the drowning swimmer,

pull the river’s attention down.

When the River is drawn

to the stuffed and stored

debris of human preferring,

to the boulders of human resistance,

forming the current of human selecting,

it has no choice but to spin

in a whirlpool of human suffering.

 

 

Down, down, down

the swimmer sinks,

 pulled by this vortex of trapped energy, 

 into the mirky depths

that build up and break down

behind the boulder of samskara.

And the River …

the powerful , majestic river ...

follows,

while the Eddy triumphantly claims

this that will make it stronger.

 

The Ocean sings again,

calling out in compelling whispers,

for the River to leave the swimmer behind

and come home.

Not wanting to abandon that which 

it clung to for so long,

the River still resists

and twirls and swirls

around and around

making the Eddy stronger.

 

Still, that Force calling  the River forward

is determined to bring all its Ripples home.

Unknown to this tiny disturbance of river

trapped in the ferocious Eddy

 Life goes on beyond it.

In the flow of that universal Life,

exists the free- flowing Shakti.

Pure and free, 

moving in glorious sparkling persistence,

back to the Source from where it came

the rest of undisturbed river

flows with a message for all who will listen:

Stop resisting, relax,

and let the ocean pull you home.

 

The River finally hears the soothing chorus

over the rush  of human drama. 

It lets go. 

As soon as it releases its hold on the swimmer,

allowing the flimsy, lifeless carcass 

to fall to the muddy bottom,

its waters move back up to the surface

where they sparkling like a million diamonds

embrace the sunlight once again.

The boulders dissolve, the debris disperses

 and the Eddy is no more.

The River, then, without the heaviness of Swimmer,

the barrier of Samskara, 

 is set free to continue its joyful journey home. 

© Dale-Lyn July 2024

All is well.

The Eddy in Shakti Flow

 All feelings are beautiful. Enjoy everything including the pain...

Michael A. Singer

As you know by now if you have read any of my entries before this one...the release of Samskara is' my thing' as a yogi and as a human being.  I want nothing more in my life than to be free of all these blockages. I see that as the ultimate healing...the ultimate freedom. I truly know in some part of me that I do not quite understand that I have blocked the flow of something magnificent when I created this neurotic psyche I call "me". To protect this "me",  I have stored and stuffed a lifetime of stuff within me that I did not want to experience. I also stored and clung to  all that stuff  whose nature I demanded  would be all I experienced in this Life. All the while this Life goes on doing what it is doing and it does not even recognize this "me" and what it 'prefers', only who I really am. So man is  there ever a lot of the unpreferred showing up, a lot of triggering of the stuff I stored inside, a lot of disturbance.  Sigh! 

So...my journey these days involves freeing the flow of energy inside me.  Not so much because I want to feel the ultimate bliss of Sat Chit Ananda, but because I want to stop drowning in this eddy of swirling energy on the otherside of my blockages.  It isn't fun smashing up against those rocks again and again and again. It isn't fun swallowing so much water and going down into the dark depths of this trapped energy again and again. I would just like to be floating serenely on the top of a gently flowing river, enjoying the sunshine on my face and teh feel of the breeze on my skin as I listen to he magic of bird song all around me.  That is what I long for in my Life. .. to be able to enjoy it all , even the pain, without being pulled down by it.

What about you?

The Eddy

In the middle of the magnificent river

flowing forward

on its predetermined journey,

back to the infinite Source

from which it came,

the Eddy forms.

It swirls and twirls, riveting in

 energetic, tormented circles 

around and around,

its waves smashing up against

 the boulders of Samskara 

that impede the mighty River's flow.  

All the while the rush of these Holy Waters,

the trough and crests of these mighty waves,

are being pulled by the Oceans’ powerful  

but unseen force, forward.

This Force is strong and unrelenting,

stirring up the waters

collecting behind the impediment of samskara.

 

When the stuffed and stored

debris of human preferring,

the boulders of human resistance,

form the current of human selecting,

the water has no choice but to spin

in a whirlpool of human suffering.

 

Tangled up in all the other floating things

the Eddy pulls toward it;

torn from its original trajectory,

splashing about in a desperate attempt

to find something solid to hang on to, 

the drowning soul 

swallows the waves of misguided attempts

and sinks.

 

‘I’, the swimmer, gets pulled down 

by this vortex of trapped energy, 

down into the mirky depths

that build up and break down

behind the boulder of samskara,

while this Eddy claims all that it can

to make it stronger.

 

Still, that force which moves the river forward

is determined.

Beyond this Eddy…this tiny disturbance

in the flow of universal Life,

exists the free- flowing Shakti.

Moving, in glorious sparkling persistence,

back to the Source from where it came,

the undisturbed River

flows with a message for all who will listen:

Remove the debris, the boulders of samskara,

and the Eddy will be no more.

The river and its swimmer will be set free

and will, before long,  be united with the Source

of everlasting peace.

© Dale-Lyn. July, 2024

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 14, 2024) Understanding Consciousness and Your Energy Flow. https://tou.org/talks/

Stop Running and Resting on Wings

 If you do not know how to stop running the healing can not take place..

Thich Nhat Hanh

Vipassana, according to Thich Nhat Hanh in the below video, is the process of looking deeply to get insight. Yet, we are reminded that we can not  look deeply if we are running away from what is. Most of us, whether we know it or not, are running from our brokenness into the busy world. If we are so caught up in our busy work that takes us out of the here and now...there is no insight and if there is no insight, there is no healing. 

We all want to heal...whether we know it or not. The first step to that healing is stopping.  When you feel that urge to run...counter it.  Stop!  Breathe. 

Your in-breath is an expresson of arrival: "I have arrived"

Shamatha is stopping...stillness...not running. It is being home.

Vipassana is not possible without shamatha and shamatha is not possible without vipassana. 

I have to work on this, still. :)

Reminded of a poem I wrote many years ago when I first heard of Shamatha and Vipassana. In fact, it was this very same teaching and teacher below that inspired the poem.

Wings

Oh beautiful bird with expanded wing,
carry me away,
to the kingdom my Self longs for,
a place where I can stay.
I put away my running shoes,
my need to hide, to  grasp, to seek  
and close my eyes and wait for you
 to clasp me in your  beak.
Lift me up with gentle ease,
 and save me from my fear.
Take me to that special place
 that exists nowhere but here.

 Place me on  the graceful wing
where time is hushed and stilled
 and where mind and body stop to breathe
as nature surely wills.
Upon your feathery pinion,
I will stretch out in passive form
giving up my struggles and my fight
to resist each passing storm.
I will surrender graciously,
as we glide through spacious sky,
and I will notice just how blue it is
while the grey clouds pass us by.

I will have faith in you my friend
to shelter and protect,
as I let go  into the sureness of your strength,
my view you will correct.
As you hold me on your wing,
and we skillfully swoop and glide,
I will know that where you're taking me
is nowhere but inside.
And as I breathe in each precious breath,
I will observe  each internal knot release
from  the twisted  pain of wounded cells
to settle into peace.

Then when there is no longer in me
a place for fear and grief to hide,
I will crawl so gratefully over you
to the wing on the other side.
There, I will lie and look about;
the wonders of the world, I will see
and understand so perfectly
the way it was and the way it's meant to be.
And without a noise of flapping wing,
you will gently set me down
in the home of Self where I never left
and where peace always can be found.

©Dale-Lyn  May 2020

All is well.

Thich Nhat Hanh/ Plum Village (January 31, 2024) Stop Running/ Teaching by Thich Nhat Hanh,https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qch5ISD9Bxo&t=511s

Clearing the Way to Source

 A great being seeks the source of consciousness

I am not a great being, by any means, but I am seeking consciousness.  I know consciousness has a Source for sure and I deeply respect and reveer that Source. Yet, at ths point of my evolution...consciosuness seems far away, the  Source of it seems even farther away. 

Where is this Source anyway?  

Yoganada said , 

He [God] dwells behind your every thought.

Maybe,  I am seeking Source because I do want to get beyond my crazy thinking mind to what is valid and real. This moment, right here and now, is where Source is.  I just do not notice Source or experience Source because my thinking is in the way, this focus on "little me" is in the way.  I can only imagine the peace and freedom I would feel if the path to Source was free of such obstacles. My practice is all about clearing the way. Hmmm!

What about you?

All is well. 

Mochael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 11, 2024) Raise YouseSelf- The Doorway to Freedom. https://tou.org/talks/

Dreams, Samskaras, and Gurus

 If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience yoga.

Patanjali

I had a dream last night and it was one of those dreams that did not make a lot of sense.  I was in this school like situation where I was supposed to get together with a group to work on some type of project.  I walk into the auditorium where the groups are already working on their projects.  I am seeking a group and feeling a little nervous that I won't be accepted by a group. One group calls me over and I am so grateful. They are quiet and unpretentious, a little shy maybe, but welcome me in. Just as I am about to ask them what their topic is, I hear my name being called to another table ( I am both surprised and warmed by the fact that I am being invited into not one but two groups. That the   groups  actually want me). 

I start to answer with a "Thankyou but I will stay at this first table because they asked first"  when  someone from the second table shouts out "Samskaras. Our project is on samskaras."  And I am like, "Oh my God...yes...I can work on that...I see that as ultimately important." 

I apologise and tell the first group that I have to go over to the Samskara table because I have been working on Samskaras. I feel bad for not being loyal to them and at the same time a little afraid, "What if I go over to the Samskara table and it doesn't work out?" I tell this first table I am just going to check it out and then I will make my decision.  

I start to go over to that other table and as I am leaving, I see this group that I am about to leave  ...much more quiet and reserved  ...are working on Zen Buddhism. I am a bit torn becasue I love Zen teachings but my heart is pulled to the Samskara group. I get there and the people are a little more lively (dressed in white while the others were dressed in black?) .  They show me what they are doing and I am like " Wow! I know about this...I can help here...this is so important...we need to get these Samskaras out of people. I personally need to get them out of myself too." I make the choice to stay with these people.

Be they good or be they bad samskaras do not serve our ultimate purpose.

So, of course I wake up thinking about my dream and about this committment I have to release samskaras. There wa such a pull there in my dream. This morning I felt compelled, then, to find a video on samskaras. I came across videos from a guru named Kamesh Patel. I am not sure about any self professed guru, as you know, or any movement led by one but  decided to listen anyway. He mentioned Patanjali and then he mentioned Vivekananda and I said, okay maybe his message will be pure even if he is or isnt. 

chitta vritti nirodha = freeing your chitt from all these vrittis is the aim of yoga.

Of course that is in the second sutra of Patanjali's yoga sutras, as the quote above describes.

This guru's teachings are all about purifying the heart from all samskaras so heaven can enter. Of course, Vivekananda said the same thing as did the father of  yoga, Patanjali himself.

So, I am not sure if my dream last night is significant and if it led me to see a video from this guru dude for some reason. It doesn't matter.  He may indeed be the genuine thing, or maybe not. He is traditional...in the sense that one has to go to him in order to truly experience the initiation of yoga. What I have a hard time understanding is why one has to be in the actual presence of a guru in human form to receive this "initiation" of yoga. If consciousness is indeed omnipresent should that 'opening up' be transferred over distance too?  And if one studies the teachings from the "older" masters as dictated ( Patanjali) or written (Yogananda and Vivekananda), and practice the steps laid out for Kriya yoga in writing ( Yogananda's written instruction for the practice he learned from Lahari Mahasaya), does that not do something?

Anyway, just questioning.

All is well. 

Heartfulness (2022 ) How to Get Rid of Samskaras. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqy15hHncBs

Awareness is Mind at Rest

The mind that seeks awareness is like a current in the ocean in search of water. Such a mind is destined for endless dissatisfaction. ...mind is awareness in motion; awareness is mind at rest.

Rupert Spira

Become aware of the chair ( or whatever you are)  sitting on right now. You can become  aware of it, right?  Is the chair aware of itself? Of course not, you tell me. "The chair doesn't have a brain or a mind.  It is an inanimate object." Okay. So. we can establish that the chair can't be aware of itself but you can be aware of it. 

Stare at are at your hand. You know the hand is there because you can see it.  You can touch it and feel it...again confirming that you know it is there. But does the hand know it is there? Does the hand think about itself?  No, of course not.  There is no brain and no mind in the hand...the hand doesn't have a self concept...at least not in the way we percieve the thinking mind. Yet, you know it is there.

You look at it and likely refer to it as, "my hand".  Why? It is a part of the body you define as "my body".  If I were to go over and slap your hand you may jump back and yell, "Don't slap 'me'!"  The 'my hand', the 'my body' becomes "me". Why? Because the you that is observing the hand has identified itself with it and the body it belongs to. 

What is this "you" that is staring at the hand and identifying with the body as "me"? There is something observing right? Something that felt the slap and reacted with the "me" statement of resistance? What is that? It is not the body because the body is that which is being observed, right? The body cannot observe itself.  So who or what is observing the  body and the reaction of  the body? Who or what is observing and experiencing that which is being observed? It must be an observer, right? That which observes is an observer. Somewhere in this experience of  body observation and reactivity, there must be an observer doing the observing.

What is this observer? It can't be the body because it is observing the body. (The body cannot observe itself).  It can't be the experience of discomfort and resistance that came with the slap to the hand because it is observing it. (The experience...in order to be an 'experience'...must have an experiencer experiencing it.) 

So we know that the observer is not the hand, not the body, not the reaction, not the mind that saw the body as 'me' and therefore caused the reaction in an attempt  to protect this sense of "me." These are all just objects of observation. These are just objects in the forefront of experience and there is someone or something back here observing and experiencing these objects. 

I am going to give you some names for that thing that is observing and experiencing the objects of obervation and experience. These names, however, are not that which is observing ...they too are objects of observation. Consciousness, Awareness, Self, Spirit, Sat chit Ananda...are the names I can give you for this.  They are, however, just names...they are not that which they are pointing to.  Just like the " me" we are trying to protect in the above hand slapping scenario,  they are merely concepts...with no substance. 

Yet, these concepts point to something deeper than that which "me" points to.  "Me" points to an idea of the you that is observing, as being the body and mind which it is observing. ( And we see the fallacy in this because we know that which you are observing cannot observe itself.) "Me" is not who you are ...it is just an identity you ascribed to the object of consciousness you are observing. It is simply an object of consciousness

So "Consciousness", "Awareness", "Self", "Spirit", and my favorite "Sat Chit Ananda" are labels too. They are just words and mind concepts that point to something deep inside this observer you, past the illusion of "me". I am telling you that you are this observer you...not only that, ...this observer you is awareness, Sat Chit Ananda etc. 

Yet, my telling you this is nothing more than more concepts and words. Until you remove your obsessive focus off of this "me" thing you created and spend your life trying to build,  protect, and defend; until you recognize yourself as the observer of this "me" and not the "me"; until you fall back into the observer in the background of your observing experience; and until you become aware of being awareness and begin to  experience yourself as this awareness... will you be beyond concepts and illusions. Until awareness becomes aware of itself , and aware that it is aware of what it is aware of... you will not experience this Sat Chit Ananda ( Eternal, Consciousness, Bliss) that you are. 

Hmm! I was reminded of that truth today upon listening to Michael Singer .

Serendipitous moments? 

Maybe these are insignificant and nothing more than a grasping woman's desire to put meaning onto something purely coincidental. I just feel a certain like -mindedness with Michael Singer that comes out in a very "coincidental" way. We both seem to be thinking of the same things at the same time (sometimes lol)   

I have been thinking heavily about a passage ...the exact words were rushing through my mind again and again throughout the day yesterday  and while I was meditating this morning. Then, I hear these exact words in this podcast like I knew I would, "The rush of holy waters"

I have also been thinking and writing about the poem, "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" over the last two days, had those words on my mind as well,  and he refers to the "albatross" around the neck. "Ping" feel that connecting string being tightened  again. lol

I also wrote down on a list this morning, a few poems I had written that I would like to revise and edit for a chap book . The first one I wrote down was a poem I wrote about leaving the garden of Eden and making one's way back. (It was inspired by one of his previous podcasts)   And he used that exact analogy again today. The second poem I placed on this list, he also used the analogy of that.

Merely coincidence?  Possibly but I feel a pull.  I feel a pull towards something I will never understand. There is like this like- mindedness that seems so "extra-ordinary".  Does it have to be extraordinary? If there is only one consciousness and we are both yogis attempting to get beyond the personal identification with the ego...so we can expereince this consciousness...wouldn't this similar thinking be perfectly expected? 

Silly, I know.

Anyway. All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe () The Self -Concept: The Pull Downward. https://tou.org/talks/

Fun and The Felt Texture of Lived Life

Girls just wanna have fun...I wanna be the one to walk in the sun...Girls just wanna have fun...

Cydni Lauper

If subjective experience is the felt texture of a lived life we have within awareness, what might this awareness actually be?

Daniel Siegel, Aware (tarcher perigee; 2020), page 160

Those were the two quotes on my mind when I sat down here to write today. 

What the Fork? How can you relate these two, crazy lady?

Easily actually.  I can even relate them to today's, and even Thursday's podcast, from Michael Singer. 

Girls do just wanna have fun and to  be the one to walk in the sun ( be free) so they can truly experience the texture of a lived life.

Huh?...

What is it that most of us, not just the 'girls', really, really want?

We want to have fun...in our life experience. 

What is fun?

F for fulfillment, freedom, 

U for undisturbed by life events, untainted by samskaras, untethered by attachments

N for no-self, Natural Self,

Well I am not sure if Cyndi saw it that way but that is the way I see it.  That is what fun is to me.

And this "felt texture of lived life", what is that?

The felt texture is the true experience of being in the moment, truly touching all that Life gives us whether the texture is smooth and silky or rough and course enough to make the finger tips bleed.  It is loving all of  the perfectly imperfect just the way it is. 

When I look at my life from the human perspective...from that ego that is still convinced it has to "get" things from life in order to be happy...I am not having a heck of a lot of fun.  I still don't feel like "I made it" yet...that I am fulfilled.  I still find myself thinking at times, "When I get this...when I accomplish this...then I will be fulfilled." I definitely don't feel free...I am still bonded to this earth and physical form  with some type of Superglue. Despite my practice and 'how far I have come', I am still grasping and clinging at times for things 'out there', allowing myself to be pulled down into the "nasty" when I fail to get them or hang onto them. I still, very much, get disturbed by life events.  I still feel  the samskaras rumbling in my insides, not yet free, causing all kinds of discomfort.  I am still bound to this earth by a desire for it to be something other than what it is. Oh yeah, and there is still a self, a tormented and tormenting little ego always getting in the way of my Fun, preventing this natural flow of Self, of Shakti, of Sat Chit Ananda from flowing freely through. 

I am not fully touching Life. My self, my samskaras, this busy judging, resisting mind is too often in the way  of that felt texture of a lived life. Though I have more moments than I ever had in the past, though I am closer to awareness than I have ever been, I know I am not living life completely in the now.  My ego, my overactive mind and my samskaras are still very much in the way.

I am having  an experience of watching 'this human' again, possibly with less compassion than she deserves, but just the same I watch her complete and tidy up this little book she is writing for newcomers. She can't tell if the project has become an obsession and major distraction from the reality of her life or a true inspiration motivated by a desire to serve.  Ego and samskara keep getting in the way of her truly feeling the texture of the experience. 

Hours, hours, were spent on putting it together at the expense of other things. Then passing on the unpublished draft to others has left her wondering and questioning her motivations, possibly beating herself up a bit. "Who am I to think I could write a book like this and pass it on to others? I am probably bothering them more than helping? Oh what an ego...shame, shame, shame."... 

I see it all clearly ...I see that deeply rooted samskara that has taken up most of her life being triggered. I know where it comes from.  I watch as it gets aggravated and "this human'' reacts.  I experience that resistance and that self doubt, self-punishment in the body like a giant knot.  I feel the darkness like some movie set prop being set off. I get pulled down into the belly of the beast again. Sigh!

I know why...or at least I assume I know why... there is such reaction there.  This samskara, that I have been intending with every meditataion and yoga practice to allow up, is inching and crawling its way up into the light. That is a good thing...I know...but it doesn't feel like a good thing. What is stored in pain comes up in pain. It is in the way of me seeing clearly. Sigh!

So, I am questioning the true nature of this inspiration I had to write this book. Was it for this part of self that still remains...the ego...that is looking for something from the outcome of this book? It is true I am always trying to redeem myself from this shame I feel. Is that why I wrote this book?

Or was it for something deeper?  Could it have simply been for the inspiration to create and to have fun with the process? Truth is, I enjoyed writing it.  Every moment here learning, writing, sharing, growing went by without me even being aware of time. I feel a sweet challenge...that  sweet spot of motivation between boredom and anxiety , what is known as the Yerkes -Dodson law. I am in a flow state as I write. And I love when that happens in my writing even if it is about a subject matter that many would find boring and even beyond my skill set ( that is why I hit this sweet spot...because this challenge  involved learning and growing on my end, as well as possibly offering something of value to others.) 

This project has literally consumed 'this human' I call 'me' over the last few months. And there always seems to be more to do wth it...my not finishing it might have something to do with an attachment to the process and what I am getting from it...sigh. I don't know.

It is so complicated. I am not thinking of outcome...I am really not.  I am not sure if, or where, I will publish it.  I have my reader, in writing that is all I need.  So what will happen with it...I don't know.

 Ego keeps coming up to 'this human' with the "Shame, shame, shame " thing.  This samskara is so big and easily triggered anyway...like a giant aneurysm that responds to every bump and rumble. Imagine, feeling shame every time you want to do something good for others. Hmmm! But I know it is almost up.  The more it hurts, the closer I am to release of it once and for all. 

Truth is, this girl is not yet having a lot of fun...but she will.  I know this book or anything else out there that I do or gain has no power to give me anything.  It is the awareness underneath  that matters. This book writing is just something 'this human 'does. I can have  fun with it. I can have fun watching this human create. I can have fun  watching this samskara release as I watch  'this human' find her way to awareness.  I can have fun with it all.

That fun, Cydni Lauper, is inside every girl. The felt texture of Life can be beautiful in whatever form it comes in.  I am convinced of that.

All is well in my world. 

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 7, 2024) Working directly on what you really want. https://tou.org/talks/

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 4, 2024) Journey from Distraction to Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

 

Are you Meditating?

 ...it is like pouring oil from one pot to another. It is a continous string; it doesn't break. Communication between meditator and object of meditation is steady. That is what's called dhyana...Time has no meaning in meditation and space is lost. ...the mind transcends body consciousness. 

Satchinanda's transalation of  Pantanjali's Sutra: Book III. 2

Do you actually meditate?  I know I don't...or at least I do not reach that state above very often. I still struggle a bit with pratyhara (removal of mind from the senses) and dharna ( fixed concentration). So, I do not often get to dyhana and I am okay with that.  I am not seeking samadhi.  Most of my yoga practice, occurs off that mat.

Anyway, I have had moments where I have lost total connection with space, time and body.  It was pretty cool but it isn't someting I seek.

Singer speaks about this practice in the below linked video. He too believes that most of a yoga practice occurs off the mat and off the cushion.

What do you think?

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( July 4, 2024) Journey from Distarction to Liberation. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Satchidananda ( 2011) The Yoga Sutra's of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications

Recievers of Truth; Organs of Its Activity

 We lie in the lap of immense intelligence, which makes us recievers of its truth, and organ of its activity...we do nothing by ourselves, but allow a passage to its beams. 

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I was reminded of these words today when I was listening to Eckhart Tolle speak about breath awareness being the most essential practice that can take us to this space of "immense intelligence". It is a space we never leave though we are pulled away from that truth by  our content of consciousness.

Tolle reminds us to look at this space as 

...consciousness without the content of consciousness...a room with all furniture removed.

I love that idea of just resting in the space...undisturbed by the content of consciousness...this busy mind that so often gets lost in the self created drama of "little me".  'This human', I remind myself again and again, is not who I am so its drama is irrevalent.  We are all just conduits for this truth of consciousness to pour through and as body we are the organ of its activity.  We are that consciousness, not the body or the personality it is in. We all want to fall back into that conscious space whether we know we do or not. We know this "little me" is in the way. 

There is an unconscious desire in every human being to be free of the self.

Most of us  are not truly experiencing each moment as the Self , this consciousness that we are. We walk around serving this  little self instead...doing, thinking, chasing, and or pushing away truth. We collect knowledge but we know nothing.

[As a society] we have a lot of knowledge but no knowing....we have lost touch with the Source, God if you like,

Falling back into the space,  into this lap of intelligence will remind us of what is important and what is known...the Source of all.

All is well in my world.

Eckhart Tolle ( July 2, 2024) The Most Powerful Spiritual Practice for Daily Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfvovzMMxLI&t=731s

Living Without the Buzz

 You are whole and complete within yourself.

I know it but I have not yet experienced that truth above.

Awkward Stage: Clean but not Clear

I feel like what I imagine a recovering  alcholic feels a few months into their recovery, when they are clean but not yet clear..  This stage occurs after they realized the seeking of the buzz was a problem  never giving them what they truly needed...taking them to a life where that buzz seeking became everything. Then they asked, "Was it worth it?"  And the answer they received was "no".  They woke  up to the reality the buzz never lasts, that it is only a temporary escape from reality, never lasting, This thing they were constantly seeking in their highs and their drunken stupors was not the problem, their seeking of it was. So they stopped seeking. They become clean.

Being Clean Isn't Easy

Without seeking there is no immediate gratification, no buzz. On top of that they are dealing with the unpleasant reality of life...without the buzz to hide behind.  Not fun! Even more challenging...all the stuff they stuffed below their addiction, that they were running from or attempting to escape through their buzz seeking, is now coming up. Ugh!!!

They are, at this stage,clean but not clear.

I am, at this stage of my practice, clean but not clear.

I too stopped seeking for things out there. I have given up this erronous and self deceptive notion that anything out there has the power to make me happy.  I truly realize that nothing out there can sustain me or fulfill me.  I truly do realize that peace, happiness, joy, and love are already in me.  I truly do realize that the problem isn't so much the things I used to chase after but my reasons for wanting them: to escape, to appease a tormented inside world. I see the precipitating factors of my own very normal and socially accepted human addiction: these samskaras I have that my ego wants to keep down.

Without the Buzz

Seeing that and knowing that,  I am at a really uncomfortable stage. Reality is not fun at this stage. It is easy to be tempted or to slip. When I catch myself seeking to make it better...just as an alcholic reaches for the glass...I catch myself and say, "No, that is not going to work.  Whatever I get from that is not going to last.  It is not going to bring joy.  What I need is already in me." Then I step back...just like the alcholic might step away from the bar.  I go without the buzz and I turn around to face reality straight on! Ugh!

I truly, truly believe that everything I need is in me already. I do.  I am not feeling it all the time, if at all, but I know it is there.  I know the reason I am not feeling it is because I have a big heavy curtain between it and my evolving consciousness. My samskaras are in the way.

Obstructed

I feel like cat with a big giant furball in my sushumna. I know it needs to come up.  I am going to be in pain until it does. I stopped trying to resist it when it comes up, or life when it triggers me. I stopped  pushing it back  down.  I go between  trying to cough it up and just passively waiting for it to come up.  It is awakward and unpleasant but I know it is obstructing that which I truly want...freedom and a love for life that is unimpeded by all the trigger and craps it is getting hit by. I want it up and I want it out.

I feel glimpses of light escaping through this blockage like an alcholic probably feels in their early recovery.  I do feel lighter without all this resistance.  Surrender certainly brings peace but I am not happy. This stuff inside is heavy and though I can not define it by shape or size I feel it pulling me down.  I want it out! I want to move to the next stage of recovery. I  not only want to be clean but I want to be clear. Sigh!

And I am constantly tempted.  I catch myself triggered and "wanting".  I catch myself thinking, "If I could only do this for my children...get them there...then I would find peace. If I  could only finish this book and get it out there...maybe I will make money off it, some distracting notoriety,  at the same time I serve...If only I could  get my PHd so I could escape this feeling of inadeqaucy I have. ...I would be happy then." I still get caught up in hoping that things out there will change so things in here will feel better.  I forget that my mission is to change in here regardless of what is happening out there.  I forget that my mission is to clear out the junk. Sigh!  I am committed to that.

That hope for easier external events to deal with, however, used to give me a buzz.  I miss that buzz. 

Oh well, I haven't slipped too much.  I am committed to my practice. It is just a challenging stage to be in. At the same time I know it is an imporatnt stage to be in.  I am so grateful that I am no longer escaping reality.  I am so grateful that I am here. 

I just keep reminding myself that I am whole and complete within myself. Someday the furball and all the samskaras will be gone. Someday I will be clear and free.Sigh!

Hmm! All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe. (July 1, 2024) Truth-Looking Beyond the Appearance of Things. https://tou.org/talks/