Confucius Said....

 You, shall I teach you about knowledge? What you know, you know, what you don't know, you don't know. This  is knowledge! 

Confucius.

Anyway...I like the above  passage from Odes about knowledge .  Automatically, it brought to mind, a limerick from Alan Watts that I  heard yesterday: 

There was a young man that said though,

it seems that I know that I know

but what I would like to see  

is the I that knows me

when I know that I know that I know. 

Alan Watts

We are more knowledgeable when we recognize we know little and accept that there is so much we do not know.  Socrates would agree with that.  The important thing is not in how much we know by knowing "things" but knowing the "knower" of those things or the knower who doesn't know. Who is this "I" that knows or doesn't know?  That question takes us beyond knowledge to wisdom.

Why Am I Thinking About Confucius? 

I started thinking about Confucius today after listening to Eckhart Tolle in the video below.  I was never quite sure about him.  His teachings, though wise and practical, always seemed to be lacking in something and I am not quite sure what it is. Maybe it was the assumption I make that he was more concerned about knowledge and blind obedience to parents and authority than he was about the wisdom that transcends knowing. He seemed to be lacking in "soul" , that higher dimension of consciousness. I don't know.    Lao Tzu, on the other hand, (if he was one person or a collection of many voices we are not quite sure),t he or they walked the planet around the same time Confucius did...and those teachings resonate with me more than Confucius' do.  I am sure they influenced each other in some way because Confucius does refer to the Tao once or twice in his Analects. 

Did Confucius Say It Was Shameful To Be Poor? 

It is a shameful matter to be poor and humble when the Way prevails in the state. Equally,it is shameful matter to be rich and noble when the Way falls into disuse in the state. Lau (8:13)

So here he refers to that invisible force or flow that moves everything along: The Tao or the Way in reference to a person's economic and social status. I think he sees it more as "justice" than an energy that flows beneath the surface of all things though. I think he is saying, if the nation, state, country or whatever that a person lives in is based on just, altruistic principals (In the Way)...then there should be no poverty...there should be an equal distribution of wealth.  If the state is corrupt, however, there should be no people who are much richer than the majority  because that would mean that the well-to-do  are taking advantage or partially responsible for the corruption.  This reminds me of the unequal distribution of wealth that takes place in our world today  and makes me question, who then should be ashamed?  The poor, indicating that the nations, governments etc around us are altruistic and benevolent and those with less must be doing something "wrong" if they have no wealth? Or the rich for taking advantage of  or even causing this unequal distribution indicating that our nations and political systems are corrupt...or at least not as altruistic and benevolent as they could be? 

Though I am not as "poor and humble" as many in this world  , I certainly am not "rich and noble" so is Confucius saying that I should be ashamed by my status, that my being here is my fault and has nothing to do with the system around me.  The system is providing, I am just not tapping into that provision? Or is he saying, the system is corrupt and others are benefiting from my lack of...and they should be ashamed? (Man...I just  made Confucius a part of my narcissistic world lol) 

Is the Way Prevailing when There Is Still So Much Poverty? 

Do you think the Way is prevailing in our nations today? And that those with less are simply not tapping into the abundance that is there for them to tap into?  Or do you think the Way is not being honored or followed and as nations we are lacking in benevolence and justice and altruism...we are lacking in higher consciousness? 

That brings me to this:

Zi Ghong asked, "What do you think of a poor man who doesn't grovel and a rich man who isn't proud?" Confucius said, "They are good but not as good as a poor man who is satisfied and a rich man who loves propriety ." 

What is he saying to me  here ("me" ....yes these analects were written just for me lol) ? Basically, what he is saying is "Suck it up buttercup!" It is virtuous to be satisfied with one's lot in life even if it involves poverty and it is good to appreciate, love,  our blessings when we get them.  I see some truth in that. At least he is not shaming me ( and all others in situations similar to mine) for being here like the above quote seemed to do. 

Is it Destiny Or Because We Deserve it? 

Confucius did use the word "ren" a lot which can be translated to mean our natural and innate desire to be good... and he said....

The Master (Confucius) seldom spoke about advantage in connection with destiny or in connection with ren.

In other words, Confucius did not ever say that our circumstances or blessings were a result of fate ( karma) or were they dependent on how good we were. Is that something I wanted to hear or not?  Don't know.

Anyway, I am rambling on about Confucius and  you can read all this for yourself and come up with your own level of "knowledge" or lack of.  Best I don't  confuse you or myself any longer. :) 

All is well. 

The Analects of Confucius – Lun Yu VIII. 13. (201) –http://wengu.tartarie.com/wg/wengu.php?l=Lunyu&no=201

The Analects of Confucius Translated by A. Charles Muller [Updated: 2021-12-01+09:00] http://www.acmuller.net/con-dao/analects.html

Eckhart Tolle ( June 21, 2022) Understanding Confucius Teachings With Eckhart Tolle https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gHNNXlburrU

Alan Watts (June, 2022 ) Your Attitude Creates Your Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kbq_xs_2Wk

 

Rays Of Consciousness

 Consciousness is the emanation of God, just as a beam of light is the emanation of the sun.

I began my practice today by listening to Eckhart Tolle in, How to Become More Conscious, remind all us listeners that we don't have or get  consciousness, we are consciousness.  This consciousness, he goes on to say, emanates from the Source of all Life.  

Are we God then?  

Now that is a very tricky question to ask in this world where belief and dogma, and our conceptualization of it, is adhered to with great ferociousness, and even trickier to answer.  What Tolle says in his very diplomatic way is, "Kind of".  A ray of light is not the sun but at the same time it is. It is a very reduced, condensed and seemingly separate part of that great, almighty source from which it came. The same would go for us as expressions of our source. 

Others may be less diplomatic in their explanations. We all have a soul and a  soul, as Gary Zukav wrote in, The Seat of the Soul, is a micro or a reduced part of the macro. You are an individual energy system, a micro of a macro. As part of the micro, you have all the power of the macro calibrated to an individual form of certain energies. (page 164) You have always been because  what it is that you are  is God, or Divine Intelligence, but God takes on individual forms, droplets, reducing its power to small particles of individual consciousness. (page 173)  

God is too Great  for us to be...yet we are expressions of God, therefore we have that consciousness energy,  in us. We are not just conscious then, we are consciousness. 

Are we separate and individual then?

Most of us grow up believing, Tolle explains, that we are disconnected fragments of the hostile universe. We may see ourselves as a separate little wave on a vast and turbulent ocean, not realizing our inseparable  connection to that ocean that all waves are simply manifestations of. We may see ourselves as a separate ray of light, distinct and separate from all the other rays of light, forgetting that we are light and all light originates from the same source. Though it seems we are separated from each other by our body lines, our geography and our different view points and beliefs we are not separate because we share the same infinite consciousness. 

I also listened to Alan Watts point out  in Your Attitude Creates Your Reality, that though it seems like we are so separate from all around us becasue we all have different view points  ...we aren't.  We are, actually,  all points of view growing out of the center of consciousness. We share the same center.  How can we be separate then? 

Ego or God?

Would you be a hostage to the ego or host to God? ACIM

So within us we have the consciousness, the energy of God. We have somehow, however, buried our realization of this under layers of ego stuff: our mental modifications, our belief that we are separate beings at the mercy of a dangerous  world and  a sense we are disconnected from   Source.  Because of this we live life  controlled by our fears , ready and waiting in  defense and attack mode, struggling  to make the world something that suits us and protects us from pain. We suffer. 

So what do we do , crazy lady?

When we are finally fed up with suffering...we seek to put an end to it.  We use it to transcend . (Well that is what "I" am trying to do...but what do I know.) We begin to put our energy toward  seeking to remove that which clouds our vision. We do as Patanjali suggests, control the rising of the mind into ripples...We look deeply at all the ego stuff we have been trapped beneath , the old habits of mind and observe, then realize once and for all how unwholesome they are, how they hold us back, blocking the energy that is meant  to flow through all of us.  Then we make a commitment to be a host to God, every moment of every day. ...to be open,observing, allowing, and constantly relaxing and releasing   This requires practice:  deprogramming and reprogramming, de-conditioning and reconditioning.  It involves letting go of who we thought we were for who we really are. Hmmm! 

You are a beam of light, and therefore you are light.  You are a wave on the ocean, you therefore are the ocean.  You are an expression of Infinite Consciousness, you therefore are consciousness.

You are that! 

We all need to remember that truth! 

All is well! 

ACIM

Eckhart Tolle ( May , 2022) How to Increase Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMjE6laMQ-8 

Alan Watts (June, 2021) Your Attitude Creates Your Reality https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1kbq_xs_2Wk 

 Gary Zukav (2014) The Seat of the Soul. Simon & Schuster: New York

Questions About the Most Wholesome Approach

 Yesterday I was clever , so I wanted to change the world.  Today I am wise, so I am changing myself. 

Rumi

I am not sure how wise I am but I do want to make changing myself...the way I react to Life...my priority. What about you? 

 Sure, I would like to change the world...make the world a better place for all. I would like it if external situations supported this process a little more, supported me in this physical form a little more so I could do that,  but I really, really get it that I don't have to change the world.  I couldn't if I tried. 

Changing Self; Not the World

I can, however,  improve my relationship with the world, offer back Love, compassion and peace...instead of fear, anger and resistance....which would definitely have a ripple effect creating more positivity out there and in "me".  Then again, I cannot offer these things until they are freely flowing through me.  They cannot flow through me freely until I let go of all the knotted crap I stuffed on top of it...the samskaras.  I cannot get rid of the suppressed and repressed stuff until I learn to stop resisting it and pushing it back down whenever the external events I encounter trigger it .  In order to do that, I need to truly see what I do "in here" in reaction to the world "out there", recognize my samskaras when they start to emerge, observe this mind of mine and how it works.  Then I need to learn to accept and allow;  relax and release into what is, into this inner and outer world as it is.  That requires that I  change myself. 

Wow! Quite a process, eh? 

Internalistic or Interactionalistic: Questions!

Lately,  I have been feeling very confused, questioning the internalistic versus the interactionalistic approach to Life.  (I have pushed the externalistic approach away...seeing no benefit in that). I was questioning if I understood what the great masters were teaching  in regards  to the most wholesome  approach.  Are they suggesting that we should  focus totally inward, convincing ourselves that we do not need anything from the outer world in order to be happy, fulfilled and to live the "good life"?  That true peace is not conditional, not dependent on physical world things because it is completely an inner experience? That if we do the work, we can find peace, joy and happiness no matter what the world offers?  We do not need to "desire" anything or push away anything?  All experiences should have the same "neutral"  effect on us?  Everything we need  is  already right here within us? Everything else is just illusion?   

Or, are they telling us, we  should recognize that, though we are not our bodies or  our minds, we are in bodies with minds that think and feel, bodies that are interdependent on everything around us.  Therefore we do need to recognize our need for external support in order to be at peace. It is okay, then,  to want things to be different than they are as long as we are not attached to outcome and can still find peace with Life as it is right here and now? As long as we are doing the work of making inner worlds  healthy, we can find some type of comfort in the outer world?  

So...if that is the case... is it okay to "desire" sometimes and to resist sometimes?  Am I just not understanding these two terms, desire and aversion, correctly? 

The followers of the internalistic view would likely agree with what I chanted in meditation today, "Everything I desire is within me". They may use the word "desire" and teach that I can "manifest" what I want from life simply by putting my intention on it. My being is not dependent on the outer world; my outer world is dependent on my inner one...in fact, it is just a manifestation of it.  Now a lot of ancient Hindu and Yogic scriptures teach that (as well as some new age stuff) . And in a sense, Jesus taught this...by saying that if we focus first on finding the Kingdom of God...before we even worry about  feeding  ourselves or clothing  ourselves...we will get what we need. It will just appear without any effort from us. It will be added-on. I love this but is this the approach to take?

The interactionalists would probably adhere to another often cited Christian teaching, Be in the world, but not of it. Though realizing and reconnecting with the part of us that is not of this world: the True Self, the soul, the inner dimension, the higher consciousness, the Shakti etc within, is our priority, we still are "in" this world so we need to function in it.  Therefore we do need to "do" things to make our experiences and the experiences of others better, take action sometimes, want, and ask and push away sometimes. Again, it is okay to want our situation to be better and we can take steps to making it better as long as we are not doing so reactively but from a place of calm awareness. 

What about this statement? What approach is it taking? 

The moment in front of you is not bothering you.  You are bothering yourself about the moment in front of you. 

Michael Singer

I get confused about these categories and what the teachings I am hearing are actually saying in regards to the best approach..  One teacher I have been listening to a lot because I absolutely love what he has to say and how he says it, is Michael Singer.  Is Michael Singer, who resonates with true yogic philosophy, an internalist or an interactionalist? 

Does It Really Matter? 

Maybe the biggest question I need to ask is, why am I so hung up on this lol? Do we really need to categorize anything? Do we need to put ourselves and our approach, or the teachings of others into one of these boxes? I hope not because I seem to flitter and flutter between both approaches.  Hmmm! What about you? 

All is well!

Michael Singer/ Sounds True (June, 2022) Are You In There? Michael Singer On Insights At the Edge. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fpbVOWzCO8A

Detachment and Prioritizing

 Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  .....Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6:25-34 ESV 

I  wasn't sure what to write today but what comes to mind is the passage from Matthew that I copied  yesterday and this, for whatever reason, that I found scribbled in the few notes I jotted down while listening to the audio version of Thich Nhat Hanh's beautiful book, Fear: 3 robes, an alms bowl, a water filter and a mat. 

Say what, crazy lady? 

Those few things were the only possessions allotted to the Buddha's disciples.  And they had it good compared to Jesus' disciples. 

He [Jesus]  told them: "Take nothing for the journey-no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra shirt."  Luke 9:3

No Possessions; No Attachments

Why were these followers forbidden to bring anything besides the minimal with them on their journeys?  Were they being asked to renounce all attachment that does not serve? Were they meant to remove all attachment to the external,  material world so they could better embrace the internal one?  Were they being asked to understand, at the experiential level, that life was more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Were they expected to have enough faith to trust that they would be provided for? Was this a  test of that faith, a test they would pass if they did not give into the very human tendency to be anxious without? Was this a way of allowing them to delve into the "priority" of their life experience---to seek first the kingdom of God or the Pureland and then all the things of the material world will be added on? By then, would they realize those once cherished materials and luxuries they were once so attached to,  had so little meaning compared to what they gained? Was this a way to help them totally extinguish their "desire"? 

I don't know for sure.  I am not a Buddhist scholar or theologian, obviously. But it seems to me that both the Buddha and Christ were saying , "Be attached to nothing from the external world.  It is not important to your true Life.  Renounce your belief that you are merely a body. Accept that you are a spirit having a short human experience; not a human having a short spiritual one.Seek the glory of this realization, this enlightenment...and have faith that your basic human needs will be provided for as you do.   Don't worry: God, the Universe, Life has your back." 

Oh "me", of Little Faith

Man, it took a lot of faith, I imagine,  for these disciples to give up everything they once owned and cherished ( including their families, communities) to become "Forest Dwellers", students, teachers, on a mission to end suffering  and bring the Ultimate Peace to all. 

And here I am complaining about my hardships.  I want what they sought, yet I am still afraid to give up that which I am or was attached to...my financial freedom, a sense of security, some sense of control over Life.  I do not trust, like they did, that I will be taken care of and provided for,  The birds and the lilies, I believe, they will be fed and clothed ...but not so sure about me. So "i", of little faith,  am pretty anxious about the whole thing. 

At the same time...if you came up and said to me: "Okay. it is one or the other.  You either let go of that which you are still clinging to...this house, for example... or give up your mission for higher consciousness,  I think I would loosen my grip pretty quickly...(well maybe not quickly but I would let go eventually lol.)  I may never get enlightened in this life time, may never reach the kingdom of God or the Pureland...but that path of true understanding: seeing the interconnections of all, compassion, altruism, love and peace...doing what I can to end suffering in myself and others...is the only path that makes sense to me right now. It is the path I want to be on. 

Detaching?

I do not want to lose my house.  I do not want any added challenges right now. At the same time, I know if I lost my house I would manage.  Those I am with will be fine. I have no idea where I would go or what I would do but maybe it would be more "freeing" than challenging in the long run.  I have gradually been getting used to going without certain  things and it isn't that bad. Especially, if I feel the going without  is taking me deeper. 

At the same time...I also  still have a lot I could renounce...certainly have more than three outfits to wear in my closet and more than a mat to sit on. Maybe being without much of this that we take for granted will be freeing.  I don't know

So though I may not have voluntarily and quietly  put down many of those possessions and things I once cherished, it was only by being without them that I really  began this journey. And this is the journey I want to be on....as crazy as that sounds.  I am not sure if being on this path means I need to keep struggling in this way....though. I would, when all is said and done, not say No"  to the  "added on" if it were to come my way but maybe I don't have to want it quite as much as I do.  I can want, and if inspired take steps toward changing my external world for the better...but I do "know" now what is really important.

No Harm in Asking As Long as We Are Keep Our Priorities In the Right Place?

Doing the Abundance Meditations from Deepak Chopra again.  Why?  They just showed up lol. So as I used the mantra "Sat-Chit-Ananda"/ "Existence- Consciousness- Bliss" . ...I was reminded to repeat this phrase throughout my day: "Today, I embrace my potential to be, do and have whatever I can dream!"

What do I wish to be? Peaceful, loving, open, happy, fulfilled.

What do I wish to do?  Serve in a greater way...teach, write and speak...just a tiny bit like the disciples did ( Of course, I am not intending to do so at that level of grandeur.  I mean, I just want to do as much as I can,  as little as that may be in the long run, to help alleviate suffering. ) 

Crazy!  I know.

My point: We would all benefit from following the disciples example: being less attached to our possessions and more attached to finding the truth of who we really are.; being willing to let go of them and finding peace in doing so.  We would all benefit from having more faith and trust in Life, God, the Universe. At the same time we can ask for and take inspired  steps towards the "added -ons" knowing they are just that, added-on...and not our priority. 

Hmm!  All is well in my world. 

Deepak Chopra (March, 2021) 21 Days of Abundance: Guided Meditations. Spotify

Thich Nhat Hanh. Fear  https://www.yumpu.com/en/document/read/63967084/book-fear-essential-wisdom-for-getting-through-the-storm-free-download

Anxiety, Desiring and the Middle Way

 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6 ESV 

Of course that passage comes from the much longer passage from Matthew below.  Just read it and see how much sense it makes to you.  It makes so much to me

Great Wisdom About Anxiety 

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?  Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?  And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin,  yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.  But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?  Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

 “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Matthew 6:25-34 ESV 

Anxious and Wanting More

You, of little faith...is meant fro me, I am sure. I find myself anxious and wanting more, not fully trusting that I will get it. 

I have always been so confused about the notion of "desire".  I mean I absolutely resonate with most Buddhist teachings...feeling it right through  this overly conditioned Catholic core to an even deeper core. And I agree that most of our suffering is due to "wanting" Life to go a certain way...more specifically with our resistance and aversion when it doesn't go our way. I "see" that so clearly...I do. Healing , true healing, I also believe  whole-heartedly, is enlightenment and by that I mean, healing depends on our willingness and ability to go back to our peaceful mind which lies beneath all the mental junk we piled on top of it with our wanting and unwanting. From there we fall back into Self.  Ironically,  I "want" that.  I "desire" that. It just seems I am too overwhelmed with challenge to clean my inner and outer houses.

The Hindrances of Desire and Aversion

According to the Buddhists, five things hinder us from reaching this state I so want.  The first of which is desire and the second is aversion. So am I caught in some type of a never ending cycle of wanting because I want what I presently don't perceive I have now..."true healing": my freedom from suffering? Is it "unwholesome" and "unskillful" of me to want the external situations before me to improve?  Am I caught in a cycle of aversion...resisting my suffering, because I want to be free of it? How do I break that cycle and at the same time reach for  my goal of enlightenment? (Reaching is grasping, seeking, striving)  How do I embrace the spiritual path while in a physical and mental form without meeting the basic survival needs of both? 

We Need to Survive , Right? 

So yes God will provide...the universe will provide in some way...but in the mean time lol...what do we do? 

And we need to "survive, right,  as an inter-dependent  bodies in this ever changing world? That is what we are  biologically wired for...survival. These "physical world" challenges I face everyday are so intertwined in the basic needs of survival of this form...with health issues, shelter issues ( I know I can't keep this house) and finances. (Before I go any further...please know that I am fully aware that so, so many others have it much, much tougher than me.  I am so blessed in so many ways to have what I do have...I know that.  As far as survival needs,  I have a roof over my head right now.  I have food in the fridge.  I do have some money coming in and I have access to  a health care system in which I don't have to worry about paying for getting most of my health care needs met.  That is blessing!!! I know that and I truly appreciate all of it! But if I am living honestly , I have to also address the challenges in front of me at this point in my life that may pose a threat to my physical and emotional survival. )

A Personal Example

From now on, I am going to try to give you the heads up if I am going to self disclose...so you can step back and away if  it you find it annoying or offensive.  I am still gong to do it lol...but I want to give you the option  of ignoring it if you see it as just another person's trip down Self-Pity Lane.  :) I couldn't bear to realize that I am just feeling sorry for myself...but maybe I am, who knows?  Regardless....

My situation is  such , that I am worried about "survival and safety needs" which my brain, the filter for the mind, is biologically wired to contemplate...It  is, after all,  the function of brain mind to keep us alive.  It leads me to question: So how do we   fall back into a spiritual purpose without the  body having its needs met?  And  how do we  advance to higher consciousness , using this tool of a mind we  have, when it is so busy doing what it is "supposed" to be doing in a functional way as we  confront one challenge after another.  Sure... a great deal of the time my mind is doing the "monkey" thing...using me instead of me using it but a lot of other times, lately, it is simply doing its job.  Like some robotic entity programmed for survival, it goes through  my days lately saying:  "Must figure out how to keep her and off spring alive; must figure out how to keep her and offspring alive; must  figure out how to keep her and off spring alive."  And I appreciate that sentiment. I  "want" my off spring and myself to stay alive as long as we can.  On top of that...I "want" it to be "easier". I want some longer intervals of peace between the challenges. Yep...I am taking my attention away from inner responsibility for my life experience and saying, " I want the outer world to lay off with the challenges...to give me a bloody break!"  Is it a hindrance to my  mission of liberation from suffering, then, that I  am not completely accepting of my present circumstances and asking for something different or more?  

Internalism versus Externalism; "House Dwellers" vs "Forest Dwellers" 

So all this questioning brings to mind again...the different approaches to Life:  Internalism, Externalism and Interactional. And that brings to mind what Alan Watts was talking about in regards to those who went off on a spiritual quest in India during the time of the Buddha. (see link below).  In that tradition the population was divided into two groups: those that were called "house dwellers"  who more or less would be our "externalists" ...the majority who were dependent on the physical world and society.  They "desired" the physical world offerings; those who more or less lived on the horizontal plane...and the "Forest Dwellers"- those that set out away from the communities and societies they lived in, in order to renounce the "physical world" and focused entirely on the " internal" world. They expressed aversion of the physical world.  Of course, they represent the epitome of internalism and life on the vertical plane. These spiritual devotes took great care  to reach that level of enlightenment but during the Buddha's time, many were ascetics who felt they had to renounce all things even those things needed for the body to survive: food, water, sleep, warmth, shelter etc They would even purposefully inflict pain on themselves in hope that that would take them to awakening  faster.  The Buddha even tried this, for years, but eventually came to the realization that that too was a trap of clinging, striving and aversion.   

He discovered the middle way: 

Life is like the harp string, if it is strung too tight it won't play. If it is too loose, it hangs. The tension that provides the beautiful sound lies in the middle.

The Buddha.

What I get from this is, while we are waiting find that complete faith in God, that spiritual enlightenment that will set us free...  we need to walk  the middle way between desire and aversion...between house dwelling and forest dwelling, between the easy life and challenge. and between an internalistic perspective  and an externalistic one.  Maybe, the  interactionalist approach offers the needed direction there?  Maybe it is okay for us to want some of the  external challenges we are given  to diminish, for it to be a bit easier while we continue to look  inward for the truth that will set us free.  Maybe we really do not need to suffer quite  so much from external events in order to free ourselves from all suffering in the long run?  Maybe we can get off the rack,  Aristotle spoke about, and still live the good life.  What do you think?   

I don't know.  Worth some thought I suppose.  Might as well put these "monkey" minds to good, functional use. 

All is well. 

Ahuvia, A., Thin, N., Haybron, D. M., Biswas-Diener, R., Ricard, M., & Timsit, J. (2015). Happiness: An interactionist perspective. International Journal of Wellbeing, 5(1), 1-18. doi:10.5502/ijw.v5i1.1 

Joseph Goldstein (2016) Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening . Boulder: Sounds True

Alan Watts/ Global Well Being ( Nov, 2017) Freedom From Illusion https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd0g17J0sqI

Tonglen: Compassionate Suffering

 There is a place in the heart where everything meets.

Go there is you want to find me. Mind, senses, soul, eternity, all are there. Are you there? 

Enter the bowl of vastness that is the heart.

Give yourself to it with total abandon...

Once you know the way the nature of intention will call you to return, again and again and be saturated with knowing: "I belong here.  I am at home here."

Lorin Roche- The Radiance Sutras:The Vijnana Bhairava Tantra

I was reminded of this verse from Tara Brach today as she guided me ( and many, many others) through a Tonglen meditation practice.   It was lovely and much needed. She mentioned too, in her introduction to the meditation practice, about putting our prayers, our intentions, the words of the wise  "on" our hearts.  We put them on our hearts, instead of in...because most of us  have not reached that level of grace where our hearts are fully open. 

Only time and grace can put the essence of these prayers in your heart. 

I love Tonglen.  It is a meditative practice where we use our hearts and our breath to filter out the suffering of self and others so it flows diluted into the empty endless spaciousness.  We breathe in a willingness to go to that place of complete vulnerability and to feel that suffering in us and others and then we breathe it all back out into that space that gladly receives it and transmutes it. As the filter.... using breath we pull in the suffering of self and the others, we feel it...like really feel it, and then using breath we expel it so it does not stay trapped in our hearts...only touching them, awakening them, opening them.  It is the epitome of compassion and emotional empathy.  

According to Matthieu Ricard as I learned yesterday in my course, compassion is natural to us and empathy is a powerful tool to help us cultivate it and to allow us to foster more altruism in our relationships with others.  We have to be careful though.  Some of us , like I am, are naturally empathic and tend to over feel the emotions of others...blurring the distinction between "my feelings" and "their feelings" leading to emotional distress.  It is like, as the filter, say a "mesh filter", the emotions are breathed in but some get stuck in those little holes leading to a clogging and a backup of emotions...we can no longer breathe the emotion out and they stay stuck within us.  We need to decondition our blocking and resisting tendencies. The breath of Tonglen can be like a cleansing force that opens up those holes.  If we feel "too much" when we contemplate the suffering of others...we just extend our attention to our out-breaths that will become naturally longer than the in-breaths. If we are not feeling enough...we focus more on our n breaths which exemplify our willingness to feel.  Hmm! It is very, very powerful. 

Anyway...I had a good practice and a very good cry.  I started contemplating , as is done in this practice, my own sense of suffering which was more a feeling of  "overwhelm" and "exhaustion" from dealing with what seem like never ending challenges for me and my loved ones...then I focused on three of my children who are so obviously suffering( though you are only supposed to focus on one)  and that is when the flood gates really opened...and then I extended my contemplation out around them to all the people in their age group that seem to be suffering and I bawled some more.  I really had to focus on that out breath so I could discharge what I was taking in. 

When I discharged that suffering into the space that could handle it...I added a loving kindness component and wished all those individuals out there...and I focused deliberately on some who have hurt loved ones reticently and said, "Their name...May you be happy, May you be well.M may you be free of suffering and its roots" and then I did the same for me, "May you be happy.  May you be well. May you be free of suffering and its roots." 

When I was finished there was this big internal sigh that filled me. 

Sigh! 

Try it for yourself.

All is well! 

Tara Brach ( October, 2020) Tonglen :Guided Meditation By Tara Brach https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apQS0St3PKY

Matthieu Ricard Module 6: Positive Psychology Practitioner . School of Positive Transformation

Purposeful Callings: Building and Walking

 Chasing your calling does not have to be this grand road to fame sort of pursuit.  It could be a slow, quiet walk towards the purpose you have been  created for.  

Unknown.

Not Chasing , Being Pulled

 My calling is to write and serve the greater good in someway. My calling isn't fame and fortune. That is a good thing becasue...I have been writing for many, many years and have neither fame or fortune.  I am not even sure if I am serving the greater good. 

Someone I love dearly  made an innocent comment yesterday, in reference to me doing what I do here, that went something like this.  "Maybe if you stop talking about yourself so much, and instead give people pointers on how to solve their problems, you could actually increase your readership and maybe even make some money." 

I was not one bit insulted by that comment  nor was I moved an inch toward changing what I do here.  The comment  was one of those neutral things that blew right through me.  I listened. I definitely felt the "You are probably right" in it.  I also felt the earnestness in the person's suggestion; was moved by  their desire for me to "be happy"  and possibly their need to protect me from "embarrassment " by encouraging me to be less "exposed". I felt great warmth and appreciation for their concern for me.  I  also chuckled to myself when the comment brought  the image to my mind  of them trying to throw a blanket  over me as they chased me, in my undies only,  around the yard,  hushing me while I  sang "Too -Ra -Loo-Ra" at the top of my lungs.  There was a compassionate  "I don't want the neighbors to think/know just how crazy you are" quality to that comment. It was a kindly- meant and actually  a "good" suggestion.  But...I also knew that comment  did not come from a place of understanding that which I am just beginning to understand.

A Flow In Motion

I am not doing this.  I am not making this blog  happen .  It is happening to me and through me and I am just as surprised as anyone else who knows "me" in my personalized, conceptualized form. The only thing I may be doing here is allowing it to happen.  That's it. I am cooperating. I did not plan on spending my days, as a fairly well educated, somewhat professional  human being sitting here writing a blog about waking up, of all things, and sharing with people I do not know and may never meet things about my spiritual and personal life that I probably wouldn't share with my closest friends. This is not where I planned to be and what I planned to be doing at this point in my life. Then to do it without  any extrinsic rewards like "wealth and honor"...I agree "crazy!" .  In fact, my readership would be completely embarrassing to my former " externalistic" self..The  daily numbers are below five and still here I am. And it just "feels" so much like I am supposed to be here...like I was lead here. I am just cooperating with the movement of flow I have so little control over.

Behind anything that goes wrong, if you can cooperate with that movement that the mind calls "wrong"- great power lies in that.  Cooperate instead with the movement that the mind has labelled "bad".  You can be sure that it turns around or something reveals itself that is of greater good...Eckhart Tolle

I am cooperating in hope that this is leading us all to greater good but  I really have no choice but to cooperate anyway. It would require great resistance , great energy, and even more will power on my part to change what is happening  here. It is like there is a river flowing through me and I just have to let it flow.  I am just being pulled along with it. When I get up in the morning...I feel the pull and the solid understanding that at some point this morning I will come here and write.  It is my main objective and my day will not be complete unless I comply. And when I sit here ...it...whatever "it" is just happens.  Sometimes I write about myself and "my "petty problems...and thou ego may feel it is being served by this...I know when I write about my challenges etc it has little to do with "me" as any more than a sample of learning.  And sometimes there is no "me" in my writing. Regardless, I just sit, put my fingers on the key board and "it" happens. 

I get embarrassed at times by what comes out.  And I want to delete it or put it in draft mode but I will "feel" this resounding "No! Leave it! Just leave it...it is not about "you" and your embarrassment." So I do.  I leave it though I  may be hoping that that entry will not get read. Ironically, those are the entries that tend to get the most readers. lol

I do have a sincere hope this blog it is helping at least one other human being who maybe struggling somewhere ...just one person and I will feel that it is all worth while, even if that person is me.  And it is helping me, in ways I never imagined, taking me some place very special and healing.  Still, the ego part of me gets frustrated when I see the low readerships, day in and day out and I question, "Why am "I" doing this??? I am just talking to myself.  "  I will still come here everyday because , like I said, it is almost like I don't have a choice.  I am simply being pulled to come here  but on those "frustrated" days my energy and motivation will be low. And then I will get a comment from someone, out of the blue, that says, "I read you.  I am getting something from this."...I say okay...it is all I need and my energy is revamped.   I keep going.

Just Build It...And They Will Come

I do  have thoughts or get suggestions from others quite frequently  to change blog sites, publicize more, "change the way you write and what you write about and you will attract more readers".  Just when I am tempted to do that, I will feel that voice again..."just keep doing what you are doing, it will all be okay" . I am reminded of that line from the movie about the dead baseball players that come to a farmer's cornfield...Field of Dreams...with Kevin Costner:  "Build it and they will come" lol

So I am building, what I am not quite sure...and "they"...whoever they are will come.  I am not sure "who" will come"...maybe I already have all the perfect readers right now to say I have fulfilled my calling (and I am so grateful for you) or maybe there is more to come. I don't know...none of my business.  If there is more to come, I am not sure  "why" they will come, "how" many will come or "when" they will come. I am not sure "what" will happen when they get here either...what they or I will get from our meeting up. All I know is I am supposed to build what I am building here...(well...I am supposed to let it be built through me...is a better way of putting it). 

Maybe it is all "crazy".  Maybe , I am just a step away from  running around the yard singing Too-Ra-loo-Ra in my undies. Regardless of how strange and "out there" I or this blog seems to be, I couldn't stop doing it if I tried. Sigh!Looks like  I am building a darn baseball field regardless of what anyone, including me, thinks. 

All is well! 

Happiness: A Collective Enterprise?

 

Once a person acknowledges that happiness does not simply arise out of positive personal perceptions and attitudes the door opens to mutual responsibility for individual happiness. It is here, we believe, that the interactionist perspective has the most powerful implications. In the context of co-responsibility happiness is not a “self-help” pursuit but is, rather, a collective enterprise. 

Ahuvia et al

It is so beautiful out side my window right now...the sun has once again found its way through a heavy cloud cover that was our experience for the last few days.  The sky is blue and nature is out there rejoicing in it.  So, so much music in my part of the world on a beautiful spring day.  I missed the strawberry moon yesterday only because of the cloud and rain  but knowing it was there was kind of exciting too.  Nature is so miraculous in its presentation, in its abundance.  I am re-listening to an audio book by Thich Nhat Hanh entitled Fear. In it, he tells a story about how he was walking one day and felt, almost visualized, a long umbilical cord connecting him in his body to the sun, the river, the trees, the farmer, and all the other beings around him. We are so connected to nature in all her glorious abundance.  We are connected because we are a part of her.  We are her. As I sit here listening to that music out there, I am reminded of that.

A Research Article Leaves Me Pondering

Anyway, I read an interesting research paper yesterday on the interactionist perspective when it comes to understanding happiness and well being, in which Matthieu Ricard ( who is teaching the part of the course I am currently on) is one of the many authors /researchers. Interactionism asserts that happiness is  not exclusively due to an internal perspective, nor is it due  exclusively to an external one  but rather to a combination of both. In a sense, it is felt,  happiness is due to a balance of inner and outer world factors that allow for a sense of well being.  

Huh? 

An externalism perspective will assert that our happiness is solely dependent on our external life events.  If I have money, for example, I will more likely be happier than a person who didn't have money.  To solve the problem of my so called "unhappiness"attributed to a lack of money, then, I would seek ways to make more money or get more money from the external world. 

Internalism would find fault in that approach, claiming that this will actually take us farther from happiness. An internalist, which I tend to be, would also say that my happiness has nothing to do with my life circumstance. It is my reaction to this life event  that is the problem.  Happiness is a purely inner experience. I should be able to be happy with or without money; with or without my ability to meet basic needs or maintain a sense of safety and security while I moved around in the external world. As you can tell by my recent blog entries...I make it a point not to blame  my almost desperate financial situation  right now  and all the external factors that lead to it  as the source of my so called "problems".  I see the problem, if I perceive I have one, not as this life event but as my internal reaction to it. I take ownership and seek to  find peace and happiness despite my  challenges by improving my inner world which starts with not reacting to my present reality.  

Do you see the difference in these two approaches? 

Is the Purely Internalistic Approach the Road to Happiness? 

Up until yesterday, I did not question my approach.  I do believe that a purely externalistic approach is unhealthy and that of the two, internalism is not just more "spiritual', but also more  practical and effective.  Whether I am just suffering from a bad case of spirituality superiority or seeing clearly,  I believed wholeheartedly it was the right path and thought I was fully  understanding Buddhist, Yogic and Christian doctrine in regards to this. I thought they were teaching that the goal is to become happy despite my external life challenges. Accepting them graciously was the key.   I was actually feeling a bit "unwholesome" and "unskillful" whenever I wanted things to be different or when I caught myself saying, "Oh man...things have been so tough and challenging for so long now.  I wish my outer circumstances would change just enough to give me some relief...if  I can't improve my health, or the well being of my children, it would be so great if I could just sell something I wrote, or earn a little money so I could help alleviate some of the other many outer world challenges I seem to be facing. At least I wouldn't have to worry about losing the house or what will happen when I do." This guilt and shame for failing, or at the very least..."slipping back" in my spiritual quest, to these thought streams,  just  adds to my sense of unhappiness. So in an attempt to be the perfect internalist, I have been stuffing, suppressing, denying and resisting this deep emotional desire for things to change. 

How spiritual is that, I wonder? 

"At least" , my desiring mind would ask the powers that be when it thought no one was looking..."could you just slow it down a bit when it comes to the challenges? I don't need to be free of challenges but could you   just slow down the presentations enough for me to catch my breath, so I don't feel I am in the ring with the young  Mohammad Ali 24-7...jab after jab, after jab.?" 

Money, the lack of,  just seemed to play a part in my sense of struggle and unhappiness with what is. So though I work diligently to accept and allow this into my life experience, and find my calm and my peace despite it,  the thought that  the bills need to be paid, still come up. My reality reminds me that  I cannot keep going in debt to pay my mortgage and bills without consequence and that my  ability to help my children and others would be improved if I had more money and less stress in regards to a lack of money. So... though I so want to do the mind work and take the spiritual path, I will  often forgo my internalistic mission and push myself physically to "fix"  things out there. I will "do" things like...teach classes on days I am  having chest pain or spend way too many hours getting  my submissions together and out there with the very slim possibility they might sell...(just like I worked longer than was healthy for  my body and mind in the job I left). ...just to earn money. I do this even though yoga and writing, to me, are  not something I want to do for the sake of earning money...I still have this compulsion to give more classes away then I charge for and I don't seek monetary gain for most of what I publish other than my books but sometimes, sometimes I have this sick hope that these things I love to do may lead me from my hardships.  I am also  looking for jobs "out there" that pay and am dreaming non stop at night, it seems,  about going back to work to gain that income that seemed to bring  so much safety and security with it. And in these dreams there is this voice that says, "You have come so far, you don't want to go back to  pushing yourself to exhaustion." But the feeling of having that income in my dreams feels so,so good. It relieves so much of this pressure.

Interactionalism 

So, I guess what I am saying, is that though I so see the wisdom in internalism and so want to live that way...it isn't easy when so much of me has to function in the external world.  And this is what the interactionists take into consideration. The external world, they propose, does have something to do with our happiness or lack of. 

It is a well validated theory. It is, after all,  a combination of scientists, psychologists and Buddhist Monks that propose this theory, and suggest that it is  the approach to take if we want happiness. They suggest that we still want to live by intrinsic virtue and seek to find the internal peace  but external variables, though not wholly responsible, do play a part in our ability to attain and maintain happiness. If we go back to my example of  the money situation I am experiencing, the writers of the article have this to say:

For people living in poverty, the data tell a rather straightforward externalist story in which increased income allows people to meet their basic needs, and thus dependably leads to increased happiness... 

Studies of non-poor populations, however, tell a much more interactionist story. Higher levels of income generally lead to higher levels of satisfaction with one’s income, which in turn leads to higher overall life satisfaction. (Page 8)

 I was once very satisfied with my income. And going from this income that brought satisfaction to one that takes me below the poverty line certainly makes it challenging to maintain that level of satisfaction.So though I know I cannot and will not return to work at that level,  my dreams are calling me to do so.  They are making me question my internalistic perspective. I am so confused.  

Aristotle

My buddy Aristotle clears it up for me a bit. Aristotle, the article, shares was a great interactionalist Though he had great contempt for seeking the good life through wealth and honor, he also often compared the notion of stoically accepting what is, to trying to  lead the good life while strapped to the rack.  Though I am not strapped to some torture instrument while Life attempts to pull me apart into pieces, it is more than a little uncomfortable  at times dealing with these external challenges, and I am not sure I am being completely honest when I say, "It is all good!  All good!  All good!" I still believe , if I am being even more honest with myself, that a positive  change in my external life situation, just a bit even, would make it easier for me to be happy and well. 

A Changing Perspective

So I am just pondering, if maybe the interactionalists have it right. Would it  be skillful to change my perspective just a bit and lean a little toward the need or advantage of effecting change in my outer world as I still work diligently on attaining and maintaining serenity and peace inside?  Happiness, which was never a word I liked that much anyway, may depend on both a stable and unchanging inner world which would foster   a "peace no matter what" perspective,  as well as a little reliance on "help" from the external environment. 

What do you think?

All is well! 

Ahuvia, A., Thin, N., Haybron, D. M., Biswas-Diener, R., Ricard, M., & Timsit, J. (2015). Happiness: An interactionist perspective. International Journal of Wellbeing, 5(1), 1-18. doi:10.5502/ijw.v5i1.1 

Ripples

 If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga.

Patanjali

Yoga is not all about stretching and turning our bodies into pretzels as so many of us in this western culture tend to believe.  It is actually a science of the mind...a practice that will help us to smooth out all those ripples, those mental modifications, those vrttis , that disturbance that gets in the way of us experiencing the natural state of mind...peace. The asanas are just one limb of this eight-limbed practice that takes us there. And it is all a practice...something we have to commit ourselves to doing everyday. The real practice is observing the ripples that disturb the mind's calm surface  and just allowing them to disperse without interfering. 

The Bird on the Water Analogy

Michael Singer, in the video linked below, gives the analogy of a bird sitting on top of the water. The bird represents Self...the water represents mind.  Mind and bird are not the same thing! Despite what it may believe, the bird is not the mind...it just uses it to get from one place to another.  The water/mind is a tool.  When the mind/the water is smooth and easy, the bird is happy.  When the water is rough and turbulent, the bird is not happy.  It is unhappy not becasue of the water or what ever circumstances life was handing out but because of its tendency to fight that which it does not like.  So it is splashing and thrashing about fighting the water of the mind, believing it is stuck in that water... and making that water even more turbulent. The water can get so disturbed that the bird may feel like it is drowning in it and there is no way out!

Isn't that how we feel many times.  Our minds are always on overdrive, it seems.  Our water often  seems so turbulent and we get so caught up in it we feel we are drowning in our worries, our fears, our obsessive thinking, our "problems"... what Patanjali referred to as mental modifications. 

There is a way out! 

Though Life may continue to offer challenges; though it is normal to have rough water from time to time both in our inner and outer experiences...we can control most of the suffering that we experience by not interfering with Life. 

Stop Making More Ripples

You see there are two types of ripples on this water, according to Singer: Primary and Secondary. (This description brings to my mind, the Buddhist teachings of first and second arrow. )  The primary ripple is the mind's initial reaction to a life event.  We meet with a challenge, for example,  and it disturbs the mind...causing fear, anger, resentment, grief.  All these are very natural responses to challenge,  just as it is very natural for the human mind to seek comfort and pleasure, to want things to be "okay in here". So a ripple appears on the clear, calm water of our natural mind causing a disturbance. Now if we leave the ripple alone, it will eventually go away...leaving the water still and calm again.  But...it is, unfortunately, our tendency to train our minds to do whatever it can to make sure the water stays calm, to remove all ripples and all "unwanted" things...to seek the "wanted" things...to make the water, Life and the mind go the way we want it to, to be the way we want it to be. That is where the secondary ripples come in. Our interference in attempting to stop the rippling, stop the disturbance, make the water behave to our liking... actually makes the water more turbulent.  We don't often see that it is our effort to control the waters, our fighting against it and our resisting  that make it more turbulent....we blame the water.  We blame Life.

What we need to do is stop fighting, stop looking at life events as the cause of all our desperate swimming to stay afloat....and really look at the mind and what it is doing.  When we realize we are not this water, this mind...and that we can step away from it, get out of it by going through it...the secondary ripples will no longer be aggravating the current ...we will no longer be drowning in something we never had to drown in...and the waters of the mind will calm themselves.

That is pretty cool! 

Michael Singer/ sounds True  ( June, 2021) Ceasing to Be Caught in the Waters of Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxMS_el-5yA

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications.

Riding the Wave or Observing it?

 

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them- that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

Eckhart Tolle 

It took me a while to come here and actually place my fingers on the keys today. Why?  I was lost in the meanderings of my petty little mind, trying to figure out what "I" as this clump of flesh and much too busy mind, could "do" to "fix" and "control" the life event sitting so obviously before me.  I must be leaning over too much, allowing the wind to knock me off balance, causing me to fall  into the turbulent waters of my mind...again. I somehow recognize I am there, splashing around, fighting a current I actually created. I stop and tread. I take a deep breath, pull my drenched and soggy body from the waters huffing and puffing as I do.  I drag myself to shore and look over the bank and ask, "What the fork just happened? Why do I keep ending up in that bloody water?" 

So now I am reflecting on why I keep getting sucked into this fast moving current when all I truly want to do is observe it.  The Life Event that I am reacting to is awareness of my financial situation. My bank accounts tell me that I am getting more and more in debt trying to stay afloat.  I am not the only person on this planet experiencing financial woes at this present moment in time. That I know.  I also know that we do not all act the same to this so called "problem." Many, with similar circumstances as mine would probably be handling it with a lot more reactivity, with  more drama than I am right now.   "Oh my God...I can't pay the mortgage.  How am I going to pay off the debt I am incurring to pay the mortgage? I can't handle this never ending stress of trying to stay a float.  I will have to give up the house.  Then where will we live? Oh my!  I can't accept that I am in this situation. It should not be this way at my age after working so hard like I did. It is all so unfair. What do I do?  What do I do?  How do I fix this, change this? " Thrashing and splashing, fighting and struggling, resenting and resisting.  Believe me I understand that approach...been there, done that...and there are many times I still  wake up to find I am once again  there.  

Sigh! Staying centered is not as easy as it looks.  I often find myself getting sucked into the thought stream, fighting against what life has given me as if it shouldn't be this way.  I blame it for making things so hard for "me". 

This world is not designed to make you happy-it is designed to challenge you.

Eckhart Tolle

Many others in the same situation, ( maybe not many, but a few, evolved human beings I would love to  emanate) would handle it in a much more enlightened way.  They would  be observing calmly from the shore...where I am at the present moment...and saying, "Oh wow!  Look what is down there! Some challenging waves...some choppy water...cool! Not sure how long this white water travels but it is all good. " (Which I am not quite saying). Then if they were even more evolved they would go into the water, lay back and just float...rising  up when the waves crested, sinking down when the waves troughed...just allowing it all to be exactly as it, without fighting or resisting. The white water, (the challenging life event) would be viewed as a wonderful and exciting challenge that they embraced and experienced fully  rather than something that "shouldn't be".  They would trust it as they trusted this flow of Life  to take them home. 

I am not there yet.  I am still on the shore observing the water, coming to acceptance of it.  I do see that right where I am focusing, the water is choppy. There is challenge and this challenge is not a problem from here but I am not quite at the point where I am ready to go down and ride the waves.  Observing is enough for now; reflecting on my tendency to get sucked in is enough for now, staying centered is enough for now. Accepting that it all is just as it is, is enough for now.

What I intend as I sit here is that I I find peace when I go back down into that river of Life...I used to believe that would only happen if  my circumstances miraculously changed or I was able to "solve the problem" or "fix the moment" somehow but now I see there is another way. I intend to develop the serenity and fortitude of those more evolved beings I wish to emanate. I want peace and the ability to truly experience this flow of Life  I have been granted the opportunity to experience, no matter what it offers,   with appreciation and awe.

All is well! 

Should Be and Shouldn't Be

 The universe unfolding in front of you should not be the way you want it to be.  It should be the way it is.

Michael Singer

I often tell others that I believe one of the most toxic words in our English language is the word " should". When we say a thing, an event, another person  "should or should not be"  a certain way we are resisting what is. We are stepping up to Life and saying..."I don't accept what you are doing and "I" know more than you.  I know what should or shouldn't be happening here, back off and let me take over." 

Should and Shouldn't Be

Michael Singer, in the video linked below, reminds us that  the Universe has been happening , growing, expanding, being for over 13.8 billion years, long, long,long before we, in these temporary forms  plopped down here.  Many, many natural forces, we could not even begin to understand, have been working together to form that which is unfolding in front of us right now. What we are looking out upon in this moment -be it a beautiful sunset or an image of our bank account, now in the red-is just a very impersonal result of billions of causes and billions of effects.  It really has nothing to do with us. How and why it is there, showing up in front of us, is really none of our business.   We just have the very honored but often unappreciated opportunity to observe the unfolding universe in action.  Whatever is in front of us is one of an infinite amount of possibilities and we get to observe and participate in it.  Wow!  That is something that should fill us with awe, gratitude and reverence. But it doesn't, does it?

I look at my bank account and I get a boulder sized knot in my gut. I don't appreciate what I am seeing.  I fail to appreciate the billions of events that have evolved to lead to this moment. My moment just seems "wrong", Life seems "bad" and this present unfolding seems  like it "shouldn't be." Why?  Because my image of a separate, personalized self  doesn't like it. It does not like this reality and it wants something different.  It wants the situation, the moment, the universe to be different than what it is. So I tighten up in resistance.  I walk up to life wagging my finger and say, " This shouldn't be!" and I begin to tell it what "should be" .  Me, in this little clump of flesh that will only be around for less than 100 years, that knows absolutely nothing about anything, is going to tell the intelligent, wise, 13.8 billion year old universe that creates every speck of dust on this planet, every being, every non-being, that works in perfect balance and harmony with all the ancient invisible forces around me...what it "should be" in order to accommodate my desires in this point of my puny existence. Do you see something wrong with that? 

Reality not behaving? 

We often see problems where there are no problems. We see problems when reality won't behave:   When what we want to happen isn't happening ; when what we don't want is happening; when what we want to happen in the future might not happen or when what we don't want to happen in the future might  happen.  We even have an issue when what we wanted to happen, didn't happen and when what we did not want to happen , happened.  Man, it is crazy to put all that energy and effort in that way  we do to change the present and future so it accommodates our petty desires,  but to put energy and effort into resisting the past is even crazier, isn't it?  We cannot go back and change the past. Yet there we are, wagging our fingers in Life's face saying, "You shouldn't have done that or you should have done that!" and we won't let it go!

Life is not the problem...how we relate to it is. 

The Buddha's second noble truth taught that the cause for all suffering is "desire".  What is desire?  According to Michael Singer, desire is simply the making up in our mind of the way we want reality to be. "I want it to go like this, be like this, do this...if it does I will be happy and Life will be good." If it goes the way. we tell ourselves it should go.....great...we are happy and we have a great "controlling" relationship with Life ( for the moment, it lasts, that is).  If it doesn't go that way, we have a very resentful relationship with Life. With desire as our motivator, we set out to "fix", control, manipulate Life so it goes our way...because we determine it was "wrong" and that we know better. 

 And all Life was and is ever  doing is doing what Life does.  Life knows what it is doing and where it is going.  We, on the other hand, don't know and we have to accept that fact.  Life/ the universe, God is wiser than us and we would be much better off relaxing into its process than trying to control that which we cannot control!

Most of us face each morning wondering what we can do to make the day  go our way. Imagine waking up in the morning, looking out upon the world and saying, This is the day the Lord hath made. Rejoice in it and be glad. Psalm 118:24

Ride the Wave

Those who flow as Life flows know they need no other force.Lao Tzu

What would happen, I wonder, if we did as Singer and many of the wise sages suggest,  and stopped "desiring"....  If we stopped stepping in the way of our Life experiences with our wagging fingers and our "want and don't want" demands and instead  relaxed into the unfolding  event that shows up in front of us each moment? Would we learn to appreciate and be in awe of whatever happens, whatever shows up even if  it is  what old, conditioned  mind might have previously judged as " bad, wrong, shouldn't be"?  Could we learn to look at our so called problems, like financial difficulty, in the same way we look at a sunset? Could we learn to accept it all just as it is?  Could we revere and trust Life enough  to put away our personal agendas, so we can flow with it instead of against it...letting her do the doing while we just rest in the  flow?  Instead of awing about Life ...can we learn to be in awe of Life, every moment?  

I don't know but it would be pretty cool if we could. I am willing to do my best to at least try this other way.  What about you? 

All is well!

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True (April 2, 2022) From Fighting to Harmony: Changing your Relationship With Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbnJq_96xAI

I think therefore I am?

 I think therefore I am.

Rene Descartes

or

I am therefore I notice my thinking.

(I am not sure who said this.  I have it scribbled down in my notes without an author attached to it. My bad! Sorry. ) 

Which of the above quotes makes the most sense to you?  I  remember loving the first quote, seeing so much wisdom in it, as the philosophy prof shared it with our eager ready to be molded minds.  I don't see much wisdom in it anymore.  In fact, I see how unwise it is.  Thinking, I eventually learned by examining my own mind instead of blindly accepting the teachings others throw at me, keeps us from experiencing the "I am" of our lives. 

I am...

I love the second quote. I see the wisdom in that.  I feel the wisdom in that. We are "I am" before we are "thinker". The "I am" is always there, has always been there, will always be there as the core observer and participant of our experience here. Thinking,  like all things in this world, is not something "we" do.  It is something that just happens...flowing into our psyches, our experiences and flowing out. There is no substance to it.

Clouds in the Sky

"I am" is the spacious blue sky, eternal, unchanging, infinite.  Thoughts and other mental formations or mental modifications are just clouds that float over that blue sky.  Sometimes the clouds are light and fluffy not creating enough of an obstruction to hide the blue sky beneath.  The blue sky and all that light and goodness still shines through. We experience joy, peace, love in small or large amounts depending on how much blue sky is getting through.  Sometimes, the clouds are dark and heavy, even stormy, creating a thick veil over the  blue sky so little of its light shines through.  We experience heaviness, darkness, confusion, fear, anger, depression etc only becasue the light from the blue sky is not getting through the veil the mind has placed in front of it.  The blue sky is still there as it always has been and always will be, full of light and space and freedom.  We just don't see it through the cloud cover. The only thing between us and this sky, then,  are these clouds. The only thing between us and the peace we long for is the cloud cover of mind...our thinking.  The only thing between us and connection with the infinite blue sky are our mental modifications. 

The Sky Beneath The Cloud Cover

"I am" is still there underneath even our heaviest and darkest mental formations, our thoughts and feelings. It doesn't go away because we are not "observing" it.  It is and always will be observing us...observing the clouds...observing the thoughts, observing the feelings, observing the world beyond the mind.  It is always able to observe us even when we lost our attention on it.

We want to connect with it.  We want to be a part of it ( I mean we are always a part of it but we want the experience of being a part of it) and we begin by doing what it does...observing that which keeps us from it. We notice when we are thinking and when we are not.  Most of us have a lot of cloud cover in our psyches so we have a lot of noticing to do...but we notice the clouds. "Oh I am thinking. That is blocking my peace." or  "Oh! I am reacting to what that person said, filling my head with feeling, story, judgement and that is blocking me from experiencing peace, joy, love etc" .  We make a commitment to keep the sky above us ( which is in our mind and heart) as open as possible. We do our best not to cling to any clouds or attempt to push away clouds ( that only makes them more persistent and potentially stormy).  We just notice them. Clouds are going to come and go and we just notice.  Thoughts and feelings are going to come and go and we just notice. They will pass by on their own. We just notice!

Noticing the "I am"

The more we practice this the more we notice the blue sky, the more we fall into the blue sky and realize just how much a part of it we have always been.  "I am" the eternal , spacious  blue sky that notices the clouds that pass upon it.  "I am" the eternal, spacious observer that notices the thinking as it passes by the mind.

Hmmm! Well that is how I see it. What do I know? 

All is well! . 

Winds of Change

 

It is cloudy out today.  My office window is open and I can hear the breeze blowing through the now full hardwood.  It is so beautiful, more musical than any symphony.  

There are patches of Lily of the Valley right below this window and every now and again their fragrance gets picked up by the careless wind and is  blown in here.  I close my eyes and breathe it all in,  reminded  of my childhood, picking these same flowers from the graveyard by where I used to live.  They grew there in abundance and despite my fear of "the dead" I would run into the old fenced in crypts, shove my face into their delightful little congregations and scoop up as many as I could, leaves and all. I probably would have sold a bouquet  to my Nana because I would have felt a tiny bit entitled or at least worthy of her  smiling, big -open-armed generosity. I knew even with my broken and immature mind, that I never had to impress her by giving her anything.  And graciously but awkwardly I would have given  them to my mother whom I spent a life time trying to impress, without success, it seems. They, the little white happy faced flowers with their lovely perfume always seemed to make her smile.  They seemed to be able to do what I never could. 

The wind, like my breath, pulls me from my memory and brings me back to this moment.  Nana and my mother are gone now, just distant wisps of memory that, like the wind I am listening to, blow through the open windows of my psyche  once in a while. 

I look through the open section of curtain. All I see is green and luscious out there and it is like "Wow! When did that happen?" I just cannot seem to keep up with time.  The world is changing so fast around me,  it is  a blur.  One day the earth is sad and heavy, languishing under the dirty snow of early spring  and then  there is this. My yard  is now  flourishing in an abundance of chlorophyll induced colour.  I did not see it happening. 

Why  can't I keep up with  the transitions of seasons and the transitions in this thing  I call, "my life", I wonder.

Hmmm! Maybe, I know why, after all. My vision has stopped changing. It is no longer chasing or  dependent on the objects before it. I am looking out at all this through eyes, though clouded with cataracts and lens that don't refract light the way they used to on the outside, that are clear and changeless. Beneath this body that  wrinkles and sags, dying a bit everyday, is this never changing observer of things.  There are  no calendar pages to turn, no transitions, no ticking clocks in here,  though everything that surrounds it comes and goes.  There is no winter or summer...just this ; no past or future, just now. When I lay back into its arms, allowing my attention to rest on the changeless, there is no passing of time. So I do not notice the changing world around me  the way I used to. 

I feel my breath and I listen to this ever changing world as the wind sings so softly for me this sweet lullaby:  "Just this!  Just this!" 

Hmm! All is well. 

Oh it is all so confusing...yet beautiful at the same time. 

The more wisdom you attain[open up to]and the more conscious you become, the crazier you will appear to others.

Unknown

That is why I call myself "crazy lady"...I know in the eyes of many I am crazier than a bag of hammers and  am only on the first lag of my journey. Oh man...lol

I didn't want to leave this site with such negativity as the last entry brought out.  It is all good.  All this learning is good. I don't mind being thought of as "crazy" if it means that I am coming in contact with some wisdom. 

All is well.

Fear, Belief, Narcissistic Egos and Cults

 Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does. 

Sukhraj Dhillon

I have been thinking about cults again, thanks to Netflix lol. I actually have had a fascination with cults for quite some time. I have this desire to understand them for some strange reason.  My fascination and desire to understand  leads me to watch these series that come up on Netflix related to them.  I binge watched the series on the FLDS and Warren Jeffs yesterday and though it left me feeling a little sick inside I couldn't stop watching.  

Cult Leaders

Though I have such a strong visceral aversion to cult leaders, I want to understand why people tend to follow these leaders when they seem so obviously, narcissistic and egoic. Ego and narcissism, I observe in these leaders,  often goes with  Anti-social personality Disorder...a lack of compassion and remorse leading to an abuse of power, a need for control and adoration,  a making "right" that which could never be "wholesome" or "skillful" to suit very self-centered personal needs (greed, accumulation of the community's resources to serve self, sexual exploitation, diminishing the value of others, demanding blind obedience even if it leads to harm, severe punishment for not obeying  and the abuse...sexual, emotional and physical even of minors).  This type of leadership involves everything that is the opposite of "spiritual" though it is often,  through the guise of  faith and spirituality, that cult leaders  gain their power. 

Followers

Now some potential leaders  have charisma ; some have a way of drawing people in with their charm , looks and personality.  Obviously Warren Jeff did not have those assets to use.  Yet,  thousands of people blindly followed him despite how much suffering it caused them. Why?  He, like other spiritual cult leaders,  used the power of " belief"  in others, to manipulate and control.  

My mind will often judge that as "sick" of the followers and " pure evil" of the leaders,  but to the followers these leaders are often viewed as "next to God" or "speaking for God". Even after they have been exposed, prosecuted by the law...these "true followers" will still adore and blindly follow these leaders. Why?  Because somehow the followers are convinced that belief is more important than behavior.  

The Dangerous Power of Belief

Belief is so friggin powerful, isn't it?  Belief is so friggin dangerous!   People are willing to give up their children for it, to allow their 12 to 14 year old daughters be raped by these leaders or other men in the community under the guise of "marriage" for it. In this case the individuals believed they would not be "lifted up" from the fires of damnation when it came...and it was coming soon...if they did not blindly follow this sick, cruel  and oh so selfish, far, far from spiritual man in everything he said.  Fear and belief, then, often go together. 

I am sure at one time the beliefs these sick individuals exploit were also authentically and sincerely a part of their lives...at least to some degree, weren't they?  Warren Jeff was a believer in what he preached was he not, at one time? He  believed in the message at one point, didn't he? Or did he from the beginning only see a way to self fulfillment through the power this belief seemed to have on others in his community. Was he plotting from the beginning how he could use that fear and that belief for his own personal gain?

Reinforcing Belief

I don't know but I can see from this series and others how people were drawn in.  The belief was externally  reinforced and reinforced and reinforced over and over again through the visuals on buildings, walls, shoes even , "Stay Sweet!" "Pray and Obey"...it was everywhere.  They sang these messages, they read these messages, they spoke these messages, they heard this message 24/7.  They were hypnotized by them. And it was always followed by a big, "Or else..." which fed their fear.  They were not allowed to question the message, the teaching or the messenger.  Doing so meant punishment...being torn away from  loved ones, being physically violated or emotionally abused. They were conditioned to obey! To believe!  Believing in the message, and the selected messenger...no matter what he was like... became an external and internal law. Questioning it was to break these laws and would mean eternal damnation for self and loved ones.  More fear increasing the stuckness in this cycle.

 So when the unthinkable was asked of them...well not asked...demanded of them..."Become my wife number 62( come on...the rational mind would see, wouldn't it, how unwholesome and unskillful being one of 62 wives is, wouldn't  it? )  Give your 16 year old daughter to that lecherous 85 year old man as a wife...don't worry, he will become young again. Marry your 14 year old daughter off to her first cousin.   Bring your 12 year old daughter to me for some ritual in the sacred, holy bed of the temple." The behavior of the men in the community, I personally judged,  as so outrageous but the belief was stronger. ...making it all okay.  

Deprogramming

I wonder what would happen if more women, like those few brave women who spoke up, had a chance to step away from the programming, just for a month, to go to some Buddhist retreat or some ashram somewhere where they would learn to meditate and just focus on breath. If they could just create enough space in their mind between what they were taught to think and believe and  their conscious mind,  maybe they could just observe it all  objectively. What if they could walk themselves through belief to what was on the other side, coming to terms with the question, "Who am I (besides a wife, man-pleasing sexual object, a mother" ?" ...would they be willing to be wife 62?  Would they give their young daughters up to be raped? Would they follow blindly this messenger...would they follow blindly their belief? Or would they shake their heads , as if waking up from a bad dream, and say "WT Front door was I thinking?" 

Hmm...

Now this cult thing is the extreme of what the mind can do and what following blindly our beliefs and the propagator of them can do. Yet...their is a lesson in there for all of us.  Our beliefs are just thoughts . Beliefs then are not more important than behaviour. They do not determine our goodness.  They can, in fact, get in the way of our goodness. Spirituality and true faith go beyond thought and conviction, to that goodness...that is unconditional, and not dependent on any validation from the likes of Warren Jeff. Teachers, of anything, messengers of any message...are just people with egos. Remember that!

  If we can't question our beliefs, look at them objectively and ask..."Is that true for me inside?  I mean should this belief dictate what I should do here?  Is there a better way?" or "Is this person I am listening to right?  Is he/she/they coming from a good place when he/she/they teach ?  Does he let me think for myself?  Is she adding fear to the  message?  How does their message resonate inside me? "... then there is a problem with how we believe.  We need to have the courage to reexamine it all: message and messenger; belief and believer

Oh my goodness...no more shows on cults for me for a long time lol.

Netflix (June, 2022) Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey