Beyond Thought Change to Belief Change

You have the power in the present moment to change limiting beliefs and consciously plant the seeds for the future of your choosing. As you change your mind, you change your experience.
Serge King


Okay...By now we know that if we change our thoughts we can change our life.  Seems so simple, right?  We tell ourselves all these wonderful things in the mirror.  We change our thoughts into positive ones.  We speak positively to others.  We are doing the work aren't we? So why isn't it working for most of us? Why are many of us still stuck and not able to move forward into the life experience we want?

The problem we are often facing...is we don't believe the things we are telling ourselves.  We do not emotionally connect with the words because they do not make sense to our subconscious minds.

If we want effective change we need to dig a little deeper and change what is under the surface.  We need to go beyond the conscious thought to the subconscious belief to effect the change we want. We will know we are changing what needs to be changed when we "feel better".

Beliefs Are Different than Thoughts

Thoughts lay in the outer layer of our mind, in the conscious part of it.  They are easy to recognize, understand and therefore change. Though they can influence our emotions to some extent, their power is limited.

Beliefs are more deeply rooted and ingrained in the deeper layer of our minds .  They were established by years of conditioning, what we were told by others, what we were brought up to believe.  In a sense they are thoughts with hooks that were drilled into us  in our developing years. They are in there pretty good! Most important to remember about beliefs is that our emotions are more tied up in them than they are  to our superficial thoughts.

What do you really believe?

Often we are not even aware of what is going in our subconscious minds because these beliefs get buried beneath layers of superficial thought change, affirmation and clinging to what we "want to believe" rather than what we do.

In order to "heal" so we can produce the lives we want, we often have to do some excavating to determine what it is we truly believe so we can change those beliefs into ones that no longer limit us but allow us to soar. Thought restructuring  makes superficial changes, while belief restructuring makes life long ones. 

How Do We Determine Our Beliefs?

There are certain things we can do to understand what is going on inside our heads. I would suggest that you get some help to do the digging, especially if you fear that you may unlock some door of secrets you have hidden away from yourself.

• Be Aware of the Conscious Thoughts as they occur. Use the A-B-C- techniques offered by Rational Emotive Therapy.  We can actually trace our thoughts back to an originating belief.  For example, if my thought when something unfavorable happens in my life is, "This isn't fair.  These things are always happening to me."  From this thought I can determine that my belief system is based on this idea that bad things are always happening to me.  I believe bad things will happen to me.  I must somehow be deserving of bad things and unworthy of good. etc etc
• Be Aware of What You Are Dreaming.  Our dreams often bring forth our subconscious beliefs when we are ready to change them. Simone Wright, in her article in the Huffington Post tells us that the things  we learn from dreams are often  keys to our subconscious minds and our healing, "Often times these discoveries will reveal a deeply hidden and subconscious belief that has been running for a very long time without your awareness — and the reason it is coming to the surface now, is because you are now in a position to do something about it."  Keep a dream journal by your bed and follow Wright's tips. I have personally learned so much from my own dreams.
• Be aware of how you feel when you test out new thought changes. As you progress to changing your thoughts, determine how you "feel", with each change in wording.  For example if I were to use the above example of "This isn't fair.  These things are always happening to me. " and begin to change that, I will probably notice that I cannot connect emotionally with a change to "Life is so fair! Good things are always happening to me. "  I won't feel better emotionally...I may actually feel worse because it is so far away from  my  actual belief system.  I can determine than that I do not believe I am worthy of these things.  If I tone the change down and try, " This doesn't seem fair.  It seems that these things are happening to me a lot."  I will probably feel a "yeah...that's what I believe without the drama" etc.  I can then begin to make small improvements in thought and feeling from there until the belief corresponds with something that will change my life more dramatically.

How do we change our Beliefs?

Once a belief is exposed with the A-B-C and examined for what it is, we can begin making changes in the same way we choose our thoughts:

Step One, according to The A-B-C-D-E of REBT (Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy), is dispute the thought: "D":

• How realistic is it?  Are these things always happening to me? Is this truly unfair or just the way it is?
• Where is the evidence that this is true?
  

Step Two is the "E" of the REBT process which is creating Effective Thought Change.  We can do that by:

• Removing the "musterbations"
• Removing the absolutes
• Removing the put downs, judgements, criticism
• Removing the "lack"
• Removing the drama
• Removing assumption
• Moving up the emotional ladder toward "relief" one rung at a time.

Changing our limiting beliefs is all very doable!  We can learn to feel better and to live better by doing so! Determine what you truly believe, change it and plant the seed for the future of your choosing!

All is well!


References/Recommended Reads

Bishop, F. Michler. (2004) Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy: The Basics. SMART Recovery, National Training Conference. Retrieved on
http://www.smartrecovery.org/resources/library/For_Family_Volunteers_Professionals/basics-of-rebt.pdf

Lipton, Bruce. (2013)  The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of Consciousness, Matter and Miracles. Hay House.

Wright, Simone (December, 2014) Using Our Dreams as Intuitive Messengers. Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/simone-wright/using-our-dreams-as-intui_b_6057292.html

Book Learning

You cannot open a book without learning something.
Confucius



Lovely morning.  I am sitting here with my tea after a bit of yoga and meditation trying to connect with some words before I head off to teach.

I know we were on the topic of healing with thought change.  I just want to list some books I read in the last couple of weeks.  All of which you may find helpful in better understanding the importance of thinking "well".   I will review them more thoroughly at a later date. These little gems fell onto my lap like books often do so I feel compelled to share them with you.

Suggested books to read:


Behrend, Genevieve. (2013...reprint) Your Invisible Power. Rough Draft Printing.

• This wonderful  little book was written in the 1930's by an amazing an innovative thinker for her time. In her study of "mental science" ...the author understands and explains the power of our thinking in creating the life we experience.

Dyer, Wayne. W. (2007) Inspiration; Your Ultimate Calling. Hay House.:

•   About learning to "think" and "feel" like a spirit having a human experience rather than a human having an odd spiritual experience. Guides the reader into understanding what they are here for in this world of particle, form and space.

Dyer, Wayne. W. (2014) Getting In the Gap. Hay House.

• Short little book with accompanying CD Track to  explain the importance of focusing on the space between thoughts and gradually getting beyond thought. Offers tips for a meditation practice, gradually expanding on this space between visualized words of the Lord's prayer.

Taylor, Steve. (2017) The Leap: The Psychology of  Spiritual Awakening. New World Library. :

• Just as the title implies, a psychology focused guide to waking up.  Helps the reader to understand the "thinking" that occurs with this spiritual process of awakening.

Kuhn, Greg. (2013) Why Quantum Physicists Create More Abundance. Kindle Edition

• Another short and quick read that interestingly applies science to prove the power of our thinking.

All is well in My World!

The greatest achievement is selflessness.
The greatest worth is self-mastery.
The greatest quality is seeking to serve others.
The greatest precept is continual awareness.
The greatest medicine is the emptiness of everything.
The greatest action is not conforming with the worlds ways.
The greatest magic is transmuting the passions.
The greatest generosity is non-attachment.
The greatest goodness is a peaceful mind.
The greatest patience is humility.
The greatest effort is not concerned with results.
The greatest meditation is a mind that lets go.
The greatest wisdom is seeing through appearances.
Atisha


I found this lovely quote, gatha or prayer today on a site called, a View on Buddhism, retrieved on http://www.viewonbuddhism.org/resources/buddhist_quotes.html.

All is well.  Have a wonderful day!

Getting to Shore

Lovely day!  Grateful to be alive.  I found this on an old blog.  I wrote it way back in 2014 (under my pen name) when I found myself  awakening at four in the morning.  I was struggling with being between the shore I wanted to be on and the world I lived in for too long. I felt like I was drowning.  Hmmm! (Dramatic, eh? lol) I feel compelled to share it here.

 The Shore

 I feel the demanding presence of the current
pulling me further away from shore,
towards the others...
so many others,
bobbing effortlessly in the distance.

I am no longer like them,
I realize,
as I swallow the salty bitterness
of the life I am drinking in.

I turn my head to see how far I have gone.
I am so far away from where I am meant to be.
The fingers of my misguided effort
wrap them selves around me,
squeezing  my chest and neck
until I cannot breathe.

On the shore I see the familiar comfort
of rest I long for.
I no longer need or want the challenge of keeping up
with the many swimmers ahead of me.

I fight the waves that push me backwards
and I turn toward the sandy beach,
now so far away.
My  arms flail in decisive movements
but the current is so resistant to my moving back
to where I came from.
Atlas, my body is exhausted for coming out so far,
from chasing a horizon no one ever reaches.

Suddenly, I am heavy with the weight of this sea
and I go down
as the foamy bubbles of someone else's dreams
fill my lungs.

I can do nothing
but extend one trembling hand up through the wave,
in my pathetic request for help.
The others do not see it,
I know that,
but Spirit does.

In the dark abyss of nothingness,
 I feel the arms around me
lifting me high above the surface
and carrying me effortlessly to the shore.
I do nothing
but accept the help that is being offered.

And I am saved.
I am home
on solid ground,
where I belong,
where I can rest,
where I can breathe and
 where, once again,
I feel
a strong and stable earth beneath my feet.
I rest in the place
I never truly left.

Dale-Lynn 2014

Fill your day with quiet moments that bring joy.

Thank you

I just want to take a moment to thank the tinybuddha site for publishing one of my articles/posts.  It was a long time desire of mine to have the opportunity to write for them.  I think it is an amazing site that offers so much positivity to the world! 

I also want to thank all the tinybuddha readers for stopping by.  It is a pleasure to welcome you to this small, unknown  corner of the cyber world. (Think of yourself as pioneers, lol!)  Make yourself at home for as long as you like.

I am hoping you will get something from my words.  If not, that is okay too. This, whatever "this" is, might not be for you.  I truly just want you to find what you need to assist you on this wonderful journey of healing, growing and expanding. If it is not here, it is out there somewhere...by that...I mean ...it is in you.  All you need is a key. Find a key that works for you.

The fact that you are even here ...searching...indicates you are getting there.  You are going where you want to go.  You got this!  (Well that is the way I see it ...anyway.)

All the best!

For the few readers who were with me from the beginning... Check out this and all the other great posts on the tinybuddha site:

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/measuring-the-quality-of-your-day-with-a-to-be-list-not-just-a-to-do-list/


All is well!

More on Changing Our Thoughts

If you can change your mind, you can change your life.
William James (see below)

So let's review...

I believe our thoughts are involved in a six step process that determines the quality of our life.  The steps in the sequence go like this:

1. There is an external trigger
2. A thought, originating from a  belief system, emerges
3. This leads to an emotional experience
4. There is a physical correlation of that experience in the body
5. Some behavioural reaction /choice may arise next
6. There is a consequence to our choices  and life responds

The most crucial step to our wellness and life experience is number three: The emotional experience.  Many spiritual teachers and mental health professionals  would agree that the quality of our lives is mostly determined by how we feel and how we feel is determined by what we think. 

Emotions are powerful vibrations that effect our health and our life circumstances. So it is paramount then to "feel good."  If we are experiencing emotions that fall under the "acceptance of my plight" rung on the emotional ladder...we need to climb up vibrationally in order to live high quality lives. Right?

So the goal of our thinking then should be for us to feel as good as we possibly can and to stay up in that energy level.

When you don't feel so good: Change Your Thoughts And Feel Better

Let's face reality though! We are going to slip from time to time and we are going to find ourselves slipping down the ladder rungs.  What do we do when that happens?

We have to climb back up! We have to change our thinking so we can do that.  Byron Katie refers to this process as The Work and that in a sense is what it is...work. (Katie, 2003)



Step One: What are you feeling?

Recognize where you are on the emotional ladder.  Are you "up" or are you "down"?

Once you recognize that you don't feel so good, determine the emotion you are feeling. 

Label it.  That is a tricky thing to do as well.  Most of us just identify our emotional experience with "I feel good.'  or "I feel bad". 

There are, however, a whole lot of levels of bad and it is important to know where you are at so you know where to go.  Are you feeling accepting of your plight?  If so, you don't have a far climb to "peace'.  Are you feeling "frustrated?" Then you do not have a far climb to acceptance.  Are you feeling "blaming"? Well you don't have a far climb to frustration.  Are  you feeling angry?  Then you do not have a far climb to blaming. 

Getting the picture?  

You need to know where you are at so you know what emotional rung you are reaching for.  It is always the one directly  above you.  We are more likely to get to where we want to go when we climb one rung at a time.

Step Two: What are you thinking?

A Course in Miracles tells us that  all emotion in the lower rungs (less than peaceful) belong under the Fear category.  All emotions above acceptance belong to Love. We want to make it to the Love category one rung at a time. 

In order to do that  we need to determine what conscious thought we had that triggered the emotional reaction.  This is not easy for many of us.  As I said last post and in the practice video, the thinking/feeling/behaving process occurs so automatically it is like a knee-jerk reflex in most of us.  We face the trigger and the next thing we know life seems to be good or life seems to be bad.

Yet, there was definitely a thought of some kind that led to you feeling the way you are feeling.  Rewind in slow motion. Take a minute and go back to it.

What were you thinking?  If you cannot collect the entire thought word for word, don't sweat it.  Just try to determine what it is you were thinking about. Write it down if you can.  Writing it down is a way that allows you to not only analyze it but to release it from your mind.  It is very therapeutic.

Step Three: Analyze the thought.

Look closely at the thought and ask yourself the following questions:

• Is this thought attached to a particular belief that you are aware of?  It is definitely attached to some belief in your subconscious mind but the question is, are you aware of what belief that is Beck and Ellis focused a great deal on determining the belief systems that lay beyond these emotional and behavioural reactions.
• Does the thought contain  "musterbations?"  Musterbations are words that add pressure in our thinking like "Must", "Have-To", "Need to, "Gotta" should".  These words strip us of our power and bury us under the weight of obligation.
• Is the thought focusing on what you are lacking rather than what you have now?
• Does the thought contain absolutes like "never: "Things never work out for me."  or "always.  These things are always happening to me"?
• Is the thought putting  you or others down in any way?
• How realistic is the thought? Really?  Is this going to kill you or is it just going to be a challenge?

Step Four: Change the Thought in a believable way

Now you begin the work of changing your thought.  These steps might help;

• Recognize that all thoughts are intertwined with belief systems which lay deeply intertwined in your subconscious mind.  Changing your beliefs are a little more time consuming and challenging than changing your thoughts.  Most of us are unaware of what we really believe until we are put to the challenge. For now just know that and if you are aware of a belief system the thought is attached to your work will be easier.
• Remove the pressure of  musterbations and give the freedom to choose back to yourself.  Take out all the should, have-tos and musts from your vocabulary. Truly though.... there is nothing in this world we have to do.  Everything is a choice is it not? I mean you may say "I have to work so hard so I can keep my job so I can feed my kids."  But really...you do not "have" to keep your job...and you do not "have" to feed your kids.  Those are things you want to do.  The consequences for not doing so would be horrid but you still have a choice. Replace these words with want to, willing to, choose to...this will make a tremendous change to how you are feeling.
• Remove focus on lack. If your thought was, "I don't have enough money and I don't know how I can manage!,"  simply change it to, "I want more money so I can manage.'  That simple switch is going to change a feeling of defeat by instilling a bit of desire and hope.
• Remove the absolutes.  Come on!  Things have to work out for you sometime.  Life is not "always' giving you a bad break.  Words like never and always  keep you stuck in a spiral of defeat.  They are not realistic.
• Any time a thought puts another person down it is going to add, even subconsciously, to your negative feeling.  It might add guilt, shame etc.  Anytime you put yourself down in a thought...it has the potential to bring you to the lowest wrong of despair.  Don't go there! Take away the put downs from the thought!
• Remove the drama!  Isn't there enough drama and over exaggeration in the world?  We don't need it in our heads.
• Make the thought change a believable one.  You do not need to leap from a thought that makes you feel despair to a thought with the intended effect of making you feel ecstasy. "I am rich.  I have a 1,000,000 in my account" will not sustain relief from the feelings that arise from the thought, "I have no money.  I don't know how I am going to get by."  Often, our belief systems won't let us jump that far and if the thought doesn't register in your belief system it will not cause the desired emotional effect.
• Climb up the ladder, one rung at a time. That is the most sure way to proceed.  For example, take this blaming thought, " I can't believe she said that in front of everyone.  How could she?  She is wrong in the way she deals with people! She makes me so mad." In this thought I am blaming someone else for my experience.  First of all...no one outside ourselves can "make us mad.".  I am feeling mad because of something I observed her doing.  The problem is not in what she did but how I emotionally reacted to it.  It is all mine.  If I want to feel better I can reach for a thought that lifts me from blaming to frustration.  That offers a bit of "relief."" I feel upset when I get called out the way I did.  When she said what she said I felt angry because I do not agree with her approach." Same situation ...totally different thought...one where I took ownership and responsibility for my feelings and got above the behaviour of others. With responsibility comes power.  Sure I am frustrated but I have my power back. I feel a certain relief.  I am moving on up!!!

So Much More to Cover

Oh wow!  I only intended to write a few words this morning.  I wanted to go through an example with you but that will have to wait until next time!

I really think I feel another book coming on lol. The thinking process fascinates me and I honestly see how changing our thoughts can change our lives. I am not alone.  Please check out the  references and recommended readings below.

 I cannot stress enough that this is what I have come to believe through years of observing, studying the experts, reading everything I could get my hands on, listening to others, watching how others managed their life situations, learning from my own mistakes  etc etc.  This is how I see it! That doesn't mean it is the only way to see it.  As I said many times, I am no expert.  I do not have a PhD in psychology. I am just a life learner.

All is well.

References and Recommended Readings/Viewings

A Course in Miracles Combined Volume. Foundations for Inner Peace.

Boyd, Alice (Jan, 2013) Cognitive Restructuring. Psychology Today. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-practice/201301/cognitive-restructuring

Ellis, Albert (2015) Feeling Better; Getting Better; Staying Better: Profound Self Help Therapy for Your Emotions. Impact Publications.

Katie, Byron (2003) Loving What Is: Four Questions that Can Change Your Life. Reprint Edition.  Harmony Press.

Musterbation (n.d.) Retrieved from  http://home.insightbb.com/~bjhpro/Office_Web_Page/Musterbation.html

Peale, Norman Vincent (1952) The Power of Positive Thinking.

The Pursuit of Happiness. (n.d.)  William James. Retrieved from http://www.pursuit-of-happiness.org/history-of-happiness/william-james/

Healing with Thought Change

Relax, let go, allow and recognize that some of your desires are about how you think your world should be, rather than how it is in that moment.  Become an astute observer...judge less and listen more."
Wayne w. Dyer

Healing Begins With Understanding Our Thinking

I honestly believe we can heal so much of our life by changing the way we think.  Wayne Dyer (one of my favorite mentors), using the Principles of the Tao Te Ching, wrote a wonderful book about this amazing possibility.  We can change our lives by changing how we think. (Dyer; 2009). 

Dr. Dyer was not the only teacher who helped me to understand the power of the mind. There are too many to mention here but in my video I referred to a few of my greatest motivators. Norman Vincent Peale also explained, so simply and beautifully, how powerful our thinking is and how we, if we choose to think positively, can live amazing lives. (Prentice-Hall; 1952).  His teachings spurred me on to a life long interest in understanding our cognitive processes. I also mentioned how as a psychology student I focused a great deal on the area of "cognitive restructuring" and was fascinated by the work of Albert Ellis and Aaron Beck. 


A Review of what was Discussed in the Video

I just want to reiterate what I spoke about in my practice video posted on yesterday's site. I do not yet have the know how or technology to put text or learning visuals on these videos  to better demonstrate my point so I will do it here. (If I decide to take the videos more seriously, I will find a way to master that. For now you get more blogging.:))

The Thinking Process

This is how I see the thinking process working.  Of course I had to slow the process down because most of the time  we go from the trigger to a positive or negative experience of life without being consciously aware of what is going on in between those steps. It seems like we go right from Step 1- step 6,  like a knee-jerk reaction.  Something in life shows up and the next thing we know life seems good or life seems bad. 

In truth, however, this is a process that involves many steps.  If we slow it down and trace our steps backward we can determine why life appears the way it does to us.

1.  Starts with a trigger...usually an observation of some environmental factor.  We encounter something outside ourselves that begins the process.  It could be something positive like an unexpected cheque in the mail box; or something not so positive...like an unexpected bill in the mail.  
2. This leads automatically to a thought: Though we may not be consciously aware of all of it at the time a thought intertwined with belief will pop into our heads.  If  you see the cheque the thought might be: "Oh My!  What a pleasant surprise.  Life is shining on me!  I must be deserving of blessing." If you see the bill, the thought might be: "Oh No! What a rotten surprise.  Life is always raining on me!  I must be undeserving of anything but punishment. "
3. The thought will automatically be followed by an emotional experience.  The thought of life blessing you and being deserving of such blessings is more than likely going to make you feel good.  Right?   You may feel  relieved, satisfied, safe, peaceful,  happy, joyful, ecstatic...travelling up the emotional ladder. The thought of being punished by life because you do not deserve more is likely going to make you feel less than good.  You may go from feeling accepting of your plight, to feeling frustrated, blaming, angry, worried, anxious, or full of despair as you thump down the ladder rungs, one at a time. You won't feel good. 
4. The feeling may lead to a Physical sensation or feeling.  If you are feeling happy as you hold the cheque in your hands and think those positive thoughts...your body may feel open, energetic. You may find yourself smiling, laughing or jumping up and down.  If on the other hand, you felt "sad" over the thought of not being deserving of the good things in life, "anxious" over the "lack" in your life and/or worried about  how you are going to cope as you hold yet another reminder of your unworthiness in the form of a bill, your physical experience will be different. You may find yourself frowning, scowling, feeling sick to your stomach, tired, shaky, bringing your hand to your face, tensing up and curling forward to protect the most vulnerable parts of self that suddenly feel exposed to the unfairness of life.
5. Here we may make a behavioral choice.  If you are feeling good you are likely to do things that make you feel even better...like smile at the people you meet on the  way home, hug your dog when she comes to greet you, call someone and share the good news, do something good for someone else, celebrate life, and express gratitude and appreciation. When you think good thoughts you tend to think more good thoughts. If you don't feel so good physically or emotionally what do you tend to do? You may shoot someone a dirty look on the way home; curse yourself for your stupidity; fail to wave or acknowledge the people you encounter.  You may push the dog aside ignoring or even growling at him for his desire to please you,.  You may collect more grievances to prove that life is indeed always raining on you. You may call someone to "complain" looking to validate or share your misery with the world. You may snap at those who do not understand how hard you have it, and you may be less than friendly or kind to others or yourself. When you think bad thoughts you tend to think more bad thoughts! Though it may not seem like it at the time, every behaviour you use here is a choice!
6. 'Life' responds.  Isn't it obvious that the more you are open, smiling , giving, appreciating, celebrating  the more you are going to enjoy life and the more life is going to enjoy you?  People will respond to your behaviour which vibrates your  happiness, your joy in like minded ways.  Others will want to be around you.  Others will even mimic your behaviour,  spreading even more happiness around.  Things will work out for you.  The world will be brighter, kinder and more supportive of you. Life will indeed shine down on you! Well...if you are choosing to  growl, snap,  complain, be unkind, stay stuck in the negativity by looking for reasons to be...life will not appear to be shining on you.  In fact, it will continue to rain on you until you walk away from the dark cloud inside your head.  

How to Walk Away From the Rain to the Sun

I believe the most important thing we can do to change our life experience if it is anything but positive  is to go back to Step 2 to change our thinking. If we become aware of our thoughts and change those thoughts so we feel better, we then change our emotional experience, our physical experience and our behavioural choices.  Our lives  then will change!

Our experience of life is  a product of our emotional energy ( Step 3) and a consequence of  our behavioral choices (Step 5). Obviously we need to take responsibility for our feelings and behaviours  by being more aware of them.  If we change our thoughts these should naturally change as well.

Step 4 is  great step to evaluate if we want to see where our emotional energies are headed and where we are headed in terms of our health and healing.  Blocked emotional energy in this step creates physiological changes in our body.

More to Come!

I will speak more to how we change our thoughts in upcoming blogs.  For now I encourage you to be aware of this six step process as it occurs in your life. It really can make a difference!

All is well in my world!



References and Recommended Reading/Viewing

Dyer, Wayne. W.(2009) Change Your Thoughts-Change Your Life: Living the Wisdom of the Tao. Hay House

Holmes, Kathleen (n.d.) Aaron Beck, Albert Ellis and Cognitive Psychology. Psychology .info. Retrieved from http://psychology.info/aaron-beck-albert-ellis-and-cognitive-psychology/

Peale, Norman Vincent (1952) The Power of Positive Thinking. First Edition. Prentice-Hall (Since been republished many times...it would be easy to find a newer edition :)) th

Nothing is either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.
Willie (Hamlet: Act 2; scene 2)


Can I say, "It's all good!" when I am refraining from judgement? I hope so because that has become my new mantra lol.  Really though...it is all good isn't it? Maybe all there is is good...removing the dualistic nature of our perceptions.  :) Everything we see as less than good is just illusion. 

I mean I am learning that everything  just is...and by just being...it is wonderful.

All is well!

Suspend All Judgment Today

Today I suspend all judgment and stay open to all life has to offer.
Loosely paraphrased from a Deepak Chopra guided meditation that came up when I had my eyes closed so I cannot cite the source lol.

Okay so today I am going to suspend all judgment.  That means no labelling, defining, determining if something is good or bad, right or wrong, worthy or unworthy...It means putting away explaining, describing and analyzing. 

Now what is a writer supposed to do with that?lol.

Blog for today then....

All is well!

Another Video

So here is another practice video.  I see what has to be done to make these things better lol.  I will keep trying but in the mean time...if one single person gets something positive from the message, it is well worth any criticism or exposure of my imperfect technique and appearance. 

I also like that it gives me a chance to practice my speaking...I am pretty rusty.   I like to just sit in front of the camera and let er rip without any prep.  Half of the time I have no idea what I am going to talk about until I open my mouth.  That way I know it is coming from the most sincere part of me. It is challenging but I like the flow of it.  It helps get me back into the speaking arena.

Still going to keep the videos here, with limited exposure. I won't do anything but put them here and I will wait for some internal message to do otherwise. My gut will tell me when it's time to share myself more. Right now I am content with what I have.

I do not put a lot of effort into getting my blog out there, either.  I tell few people...do not advertise other than maybe giving the site name out on my bios when I submit for publications. Though I want people to have access if it is going to help them in anyway to read my stuff (and I have to tell myself it will help someone lol or else I wouldn't be writing).  I am not sure if I am ready for a lot of viewers or readers at this point.

My goal is not to get numbers, to get the million hits (not that I would turn my nose up at that lol).  My goal  is to get a message out there...one person at a time...to practice and perfect my learning, my growing, my writing and my speaking as I do.  I guess that makes me pretty narcissistic, doesn't it?

You might be thinking, "That's  good crazy lady because  those videos are never going to compete with other you tube videos. I would watch a thousand funny pet or people falling down videos before I watch another one of yours!"  I am okay with that lol.  I don't want to compete. 

Which is a good thing since my stats are so unpredictable...yesterday I had 39 hits ( I was like Wow!!) and today I had two and I think both came from me. lol.  Most people get excited when they hit the 6 digits in hits...I get excited when I hit the 2 digit numbers lol.

I guess, when I look at this process I think:  It really isn't about "me".  Whatever it is that is compelling me to do this, you to do whatever it is you may feel pulled to do,  doesn't get lost in the little "me" dramas of the world.

It's all good.  It is all so very good.


Practice Video Three:  A little more on Waking Up

The Chaos of Waking Up

The chaos of the mind cannot constitute a reply to the providence of the universe. All it can be is an awakening in the night, where all that can be heard is anguished poetry let loose.
Georges Bataille




Not fun!

Waking up is not always a lot of fun!  That is what I am discovering as I stumble through this process.  As we wake up to the reality of who we are, we gradually shed the layers of what we are not, one level at a time. 

Debridement, as it is called in the nursing world, is often times a painful process.  It is painful to lose the things we once identified as 'self'.  You too may look down as I did when I left the full time job I loved in 2011 because of illness and say, "Oh my...there goes another layer of my flesh!  Ouch!"

A certain vulnerability arises with this shedding of the familiar, as hidden parts of self become exposed for the first time.   The tissue is raw and tender. Ego is confused and reactive!

We breathe and meditate our way through it. It may take years to find a certain healing at this level. Once we accept that the layer is gone and the new skin underneath begins to granulate and heal we may slip into a type of pseudo relief.  It "stings" less and we feel the benefit of being free of this layer. We feel less constrained and restricted.  Our outer forms do not feel so tight anymore.  "Awe!!!"  We sigh, "I am here!'

 An assumption is sometimes  formed when we reach this point  that we have finally transcended the layers of ego!  We are healed! We have awakened!

Wrong! 

If you are like me when I got to this point, you may  feel the less than gentle tearing away of another layer of ego as an even more tender and reactive layer is exposed to the air.  A place that was hidden from conscious view by ego thoughts, years of positive affirmations and superficial thinking is now open for you to see. Yuck!

What we are shedding layer by layer

In the first layer we shed we let go of, often reluctantly,  a lot of the things we identified with in the physical world: maybe a job, a certain bodily functioning, a reputation, money, group identity and superficial thinking.  By superficial thinking I am referring to all the things we told ourselves to make us feel better on that level. 

Sure we have some positive, life affirming thoughts, some echoes of  affirmations we repeated in the mirror over and over again and some learning that was definitely beneficial within the ego's top layer. All these things are in the conscious part of our mind and have positively influenced our lives to some degree. They do not, however, have as much power over our lives  as the psyche lesions that lay beneath the second surface.

Once the conscious layer is pulled away...we experience pain, reactivity and chaos in our lives once again and this time it is even more intense.  Why?  Because now we have the sub conscious belief core exposed. We catch ego standing in his undies.

Facing What We Really Believe

 You may be shocked at this level to see what you really believe when you look out at the world, others or self without the cushioning of external thinking.  Affirmations don't cut it at this level.  Your ego reality is here.

I found myself looking out through these new eyes that were clearer and not liking what I saw.  I saw that my beliefs were different than my thoughts!  I really do not trust the world to provide for me, no matter how I fooled my conscious mind otherwise. That is why I spent my life doing to the point of pathology.

I do not trust people.  I suddenly saw ego in everyone, not just myself. I found myself questioning how people could actually "care" when we can't even see beyond our ego needs. I saw that people didn't trust me or each other either.

Then there was this mirror effect thing happening with me. Every not so nice behaviour I witnessed in another person  ...I recalled when I did the same or at least thought of doing the same to another being. I actually seemed to feel the pain I caused or could have caused other people or other living things. It was overwhelming. I couldn't relieve that pain by judging, projecting, blaming others for their behaviours as ego encourages us to do, anymore. Their behaviour was suddenly my behaviour.  And vice versa. 

My deep seated unworthiness was exposed. I realized how I truly did not believe I deserved the good things in life.  That shocked me..."How can I be that pathetic and not know it!" I said to myself.   I looked around me and seen that this sense of  unworthiness for all the abundance life has to offer was not just in me.  It seemed to be everywhere. Beneath the superficial proclamations and claims of ownership, few people feel worthy.  It made me sad!

As ego was no longer acting as my confidence, I found myself shy and awkward again around people. I felt I had no value to others. I was not understood. I was not seen.  I wasn't functional enough for this functional world. I no longer felt I  belonged in certain groups.  I no longer wanted to belong in certain groups because it was too awkward. Egos, I realized as I looked about me, could only relate to other egos.  Without my ego value, what was I to other people?

I also could no longer run from the emotions I had stuffed because they were now right there in front of me.  I had to deal with the many memories I had supressed just so I could get by in ego's superficial world throughout my life.  There was no more running away...my ego is tattered and torn and now offers flimsy protection. I thought I felt raw with the debridement of the first layer. With the second layer gone there was nothing to hide behind anymore.  Ego was exposed completely...and like a cornered beast it had no choice but to fight back.

The Chaos of Ego Exposure

Now that ego was exposed and bleeding at the deepest level...I got to see just how infected everything really was. All this infection was hidden for decades beneath the layers ego provided. It was making me sick, blocking my life energy and preventing me from feeling peace but I couldn't see it until the surface layers were removed.  Ego likes to do its work sublimely, under the surface...unseen etc. It could no longer do that.

 Ego is not happy being exposed like this!  It has nothing to hide behind anymore.  It has no way of tricking us and fooling us away from spirit anymore.  And like the purulent drainage on most infected lesions once the old tissue is removed, ego will drain away.  Ego is draining away and that is what I am feeling.  It is resisting big time. It  is trying to cling so it doesn't drain completely away.

Right now things feel chaotic. Physically I feel unwell ...possibly worse than ever.  Emotionally I am a mess as I am forced to deal with the stuff I repressed.  I have no idea how to balance myself between the physical world and the spiritual but there is no going back.  I have no idea how to do this awakening thing lol.

Sometimes I  feel like I am cracking up.  I just want to run away and hide somewhere .  Really!  I wonder if this is the point of awakening  where some people decide to join cloistered convents, or monastic traditions.  It seriously has even crossed my mind. Part of me wants to hide away from this physical world and all its demands. I just want peace and quiet.

Then I remind myself of something I know in my core.  This is simply a stage of the healing I asked for.  If I want to live in spirit, live in peace free of ego's claims on my mind...I have to remove layer after layer to get to the source of the problems so I can truly be healed. I am healing!

Dig Deep!

The issue that prevents absolute wellness for most of us is deeply rooted in our subconscious minds.  We often have beliefs in there we are not even aware of.  We have unresolved conflict, emotions and memories that can not be released unless we expose them and do the work of processing through them. We need to expect that we have to remove layers in order to get  to them. 

Sure it is a painful process but surface healing is not healing.  In order to get life to flow freely through us so we experience the peace and the wellness that are our birthrights we need to dig deep to get to the source of the problem. We want the damns to be removed, the negativity to be released.  Don't we? 

Maybe we need to suffer a little bit so that can happen.

A momentary sting is worth a lifetime of wellness, peace and abundance... isn't it?

A Book to Help

If you are experiencing some chaos in your own life Steve Taylor has a wonderful book that may help better explain that this is a normal stage in the Awakening process.  I just finished it and it has cleared up some of my confusion.  At least now  I know I am not completely bonkers lol.  I am just letting loose some "anguished poetry" on my way to where I want to be.  You may be doing the same. :)

Taylor, Steve. (2016) The Leap. The New World Library

All is well in my world.

Feel Good

It is so simple....

Just do whatever you can

to feel good!

 

 

Well from that, I exclude anything that harms self, other beings or the planet.  Just in case you are thinking at this moment, "Man! It would feel sooo good to go over and punch my complaining neighbor right in the gut right now!" Please don't do that.  That will not make you or especially  he/she feel better.

 

Do what you can to feel good: change your thinking, stop your thinking, distract,  walk away from a situation, give a hug, get a hug, go for a walk, definitely spend time in nature, take a shot of your beloved children or pets when they are behaving perfectly ( you may need a camera with the fastest shutter speed for the fraction of a second that lasts:), sing, dance, laugh, listen to great music...do something...anything that makes you feel good. 

 

It is from that place of feeling good that you become aligned with the Universal Supplier of Everything Good :). Healing will begin!

 

All is well!

Feeling Good One Tap at a Time!

You are an extension of pure, positive energy.  Therefore there is nothing more important than that you feel good.
Abraham

Feeling Good!

It is all about feeling good isn't it?  When we talk about healing  ourselves, others or the world it is essential that we feel good!  When we feel good the beautiful, abundant life force is flowing through us.  We are well...we look at others as well...and by recognizing only their wellness potential...they become well...the world eventually becomes well.  In that place of well being we can take healing action.  Healing begins with feeling good!

When we feel less than good...something is up.  We are not reaching our wellness potential. We have an energy block somewhere...emotions are trapped...blocking the flow of this energy through us and out of us.  We can not heal others or the world without this energy flow.  We need to heal first and we do that by releasing these patterns of resistance.


Let's Review

A little review on the steps to healing (according to Miss Know-it-All in her Healing 101 class for absolute beginners lol):

• Recognize how you are feeling physically and emotionally. 
• Determine the thought patterns that brought on these less than well feelings
• Change the thoughts until you feel better one small step at a time
• Recognize the behaviours involved in this less than healthy pattern of being
• Take full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings and behavioural choices
• Accept the situation
• Let it and all the feelings of resistance go
• Make better choices next time

The real issue with healing for me comes with letting go of the resistance, and freeing the damns that hold back the flow of wellness.

According to Jon Burras (n.d.) an energy healer, whose article I just happened upon this morning, "Under the wellness model healing will occur when the energy begins to flow unimpeded once again."  Once the energy begins to flow again we are free but how do we get it to flow?

One Way to Reopen the Flow:

In my search for articles to assist me with energy healing, I also happened upon  a video about tapping the Thymus...which lead to articles and more videos on tapping the  Thymus gland to help us release energy,

I used to teach Anatomy and Pathophysiology so I am aware of what the Thymus is and what it does for body function.  The Thymus is a small gland that sits in the middle of your chest directly below the sternum (breast bone).  In an infant it is about the size of a fist but as we age the Thymus shrinks.  It's function is to make T cells which are the very important helper and suppressor cells needed for immune function and regulation.

Chinese and Yogic healers believe that the Thymus is also important for keeping our "Life energy" high.  Tapping it, according to an article in The Underground Health Reporter, will help to restore what the ancient Greeks called the  "Thymos" or vital life energy. (n.d.)

How to Tap the Thymus

Well I am no expert but what I understand is that all one has to do is tap the sternum directly above the Thymus with the finger tips or the flat end of a cuffed fist in a  One-two-three waltz like Rhythm. Check out the video links below.

Please note that I can not attest to the validity of any of this information.  I am going to try it out myself and see what happens.  I will tap for five minutes 2-3 times a day while I affirm my wellness and the wellness of the entire world.  I will visualize a free flow of energy (light) going through me and from me to everyone and everything as I do. 

I'll get back to you in a couple of weeks to let you know what I have experienced or learned.

For now...I'll do a nice "tap" dance away into the sunset.  All is well :)



References

Burras, Jon. (n.d.) Energy and Disease. ?? Retrieved from http://www.jonburras.com/pdfs/ENERGY-AND-DISEASE.pdf

Underground Health Reporter (n.d.) Unblock your Bodies Energy Flow Using a Simple Technique. Underground Health Reporter. Retrieved from http://undergroundhealthreporter.com/energy-flow-thymus-gland/

Videos to check out for the technique:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wie8H-p-QFM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Niy2KG4C9_c

To lift your spirits, spend time with nature. She will lend you her power until you become aware of your own.
Unknown

When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it again!
Paul Bear Byrant

I have been up since three thirty.  Not feeling 100%.  I am going to use this personal experience again to illustrate my point about healing. 

Another look at healing through my own learning

I worked yesterday...and though I went in with the intention of letting others know that I will be limited in my hours, shortening my days, and insisting on balancing my life... I did too much! I slipped right back into the pattern of doing to achieve and to please. I exhausted myself!

That left me with this frustration, confusion  and resentment that I didn't want to feel.  Those emotions lead to massive damming.  :) My energies were blocked. On the way home, I was so full of thoughts that chastised me and left me frustrated,  I responded to the gestures of an impatient driver, giving back what I got (if you know what I mean lol). That I know, is not the behaviour of an evolved person lol!

 I was blocked and drained for the remainder of the day...not allowing the full flow of life through me. Even my posture was noted to be tight and constrained instead of open and full. So I woke up with a big wad of whatever you want to call it stuck in my chest and thoughts about my ability to work swirling around in my head. 

Not what I want.  Not what I deserve.  Not what I am going to have.

The Unhealthy Behavioural Choice

So what happened to trigger all this? I put my desire "to do" above my desire "to be". I am resentful and angry at myself for allowing this.  That right there tells me that I am not aligned with Life, things in me and around me are not balanced enough to accommodate the flow of energy and it is not what I want.  :) Today I was not "balanced" in my doing and being.

How to Make it Better

These slips are actually wonderful learning opportunities in disguise. We can make it better!

If  you are experiencing  an unhealthy energy imbalance you can begin to right yourself with these steps:

1. Recognize the physical feelings in your body.  In me I felt completely exhausted and hours after I experienced  chest pain.
2. Recognize the emotional feelings that preceded or are going on concurrently with the physical feelings.  In my case: frustration, resentment, self-blame (emotions that are often linked with the cardiovascular system btw)
3. Determine what types of thoughts led to the emotional experience.  Take a moment and think about it.  You do not necessarily need to know exactly what you said to yourself at the time the emotional reaction started (if you can that's great...but if you can't, don't sweat it.)  Just try to determine what subject matter you were thinking about. For me, it was something like: "I don't want to be here past my hours. I should be home.  I want to help but if I am going to help I have to do it now.  I am not getting my stuff done.  I am not going to have time to redo the modules to get my certificate. I am so tired.  I need to be home. Why am I doing this? Why would this be left to me when I am so limited in hours? Like really... who would do this for me? People do not even consider where I am at...as long as I do!  (As you can see the trajectory of thought is going downhill quickly into the self pity and offense collecting dumps. ) Why do I do that to myself! "
4. Next see if you can  change these thoughts at all just so you feel better.  You don't have to skip from where  you are to ecstasy...you just want to feel better. (Remember anger and blame feel better than unworthiness and despair; frustration feels better than anger and blame; acceptance feels better than frustration etc etc).  My change. "I chose to do that.  It was a nice thing to do.  I like focusing on the positive in people and it gave me a chance to do so.  I do like a writing challenge especially if it serves others. I don't need that certificate anyway...I am not really a nurse anymore.  (oops!  That one sounded a little whiny lol) Sure I need to take better care of myself.  I am learning.  I don't have to beat myself up when I slip."
5. Determine how you feel with each change of thought.  How are the emotional vibrations? Moving up the scale at all?  Remember you do not have to feel great at this point...just better. If you don't feel better ...try another thought change.  When I said, "I don't need that certificate...I am not really a nurse anymore."  I could have simply said "I don't need my certificate" leaving that part out that brings up feelings of loss.  I could also rephrase...I need to take better care of myself...which adds pressure to an already frustrating situation...with..."I want to take better care of myself." etc. 
6. Determine what behaviours were involved as a reaction or a cause to the physical feelings. In my case, I worked too many hours, neglected my own self care to fulfill a request, and was not assertive enough.  Then when I was frustrated and exhausted on the way home...I reacted to the frustration of another driver stuck in her egoic moment.
7. Take responsibility!  These are your actions or reactions; your thoughts and your feelings.  No one "made you feel' a certain way!   No one made you do what you did! No one made me frustrated.  No one made me stay past my hours.  No one made me pursue that activity...I agreed.  I made a choice. Can you learn from this? 
8. Accept the situation for whatever it is and whatever it offered including your thoughts and feelings.  Just accept them!
9. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and let them go with the exhalation.
10. Now decide how will you do things differently the next time?  Well I keep thinking of my reaction with the driver.  I ask myself, what would a cool, evolved person have done in that situation?  I could have taken a nice deep breath, smiled sincerely in my mirror offering forgiveness before it was even requested and made a peace sign with my fingers instead of the other. :) 

Re-Evaluating

When I evaluate my being/doing at the end of the day, I guess I didn't do as badly as I originally thought. I always ask myself if I only had 24 hours left to live... is the activity I am about to do... worth my time and energy? Yeah...it was. Acknowledging the things others do to make the world a better place is a good use of my time and energy. That is the work task that consumed me and put me over my hours.

Anyway...I am suddenly very tired again lol.  So I will end my "Miss Know-It-all" session on Healing 101.  lol.  Hope it helps someone somewhere to know that I goof up in this awakening process more than most. Going back to bed.

All is well.

Oh Those Darn Emotions: A Little More on Healing

You only have so much emotional energy each day.  Don't fight battles that don't matter.
Joel Olsteen

Don't fight battles...don't cling to that emotion/energy...don't stuff it...don't deny it...just let it be.  Recognize it, determine what thought pattern it came from...add a new thought that makes you feel better...you don't have to feel great, just better....and let the emotion go.

Sounds simple, doesn't it?

Well it ain't! lol

It is, however, essential to healing....true healing.  Whether it is a physical disorder, a mental health issue or a crisis in faith that is showing up in your life, it is there to show you that you have some emotional energy jammed up somewhere...blocking the sweet, abundant flow of life in you and through you.  Ask yourself, "What's up?" wait for an answer.  Know that the ailment that presents itself is just a symptom of the emotional energy, and the emotional energy is a symptom of a thought pattern, and a thought pattern is a symptom of a conditioned way of being...If you get to the source of the blockage ...life will flow freely again.

Just let it go!

All is well in my world.

Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.
Albert Einstein

 

I love looking deep into nature.  That is why I like to photograph.  I have been looking for some great hummingbird shots this summer, like I was able to get a couple of summers ago...but my looking into nature did not allow for the greatest shots.  :)  Ego wants me to rationalize here by saying, "Do you have any idea how challenging it is to get a shot of something with that quick of a wing movement?  It is not my fault!"  

 

Oh ego...shut up!  I didn't get great shots because I was not "there" enough :).  I wasn't chosen lol.  It is all good.

 

I would sit outside in front of the feeder, waiting with my camera set at what I think would be the right aperture and shutter speed.  I would listen for the buzzing flutter of their wings and position myself accordingly...but it wouldn't matter unless...nature said, "It's time!" lol.  She said instead, "Go ahead but I am only reluctantly agreeing to sit still for you until you sit still more!" lol 

 

I will accept her reluctant participation with gratitude.  It is all good! 

It's All Good!

Sometimes I just have to stop myself in the midst of my questioning so I can look around...so I can see and remember just how good it all is! All of it!

 

Who says you need to sit still in a room alone? 

By learning you will teach; by teaching you will learn.
Latin Proverb


I am obsessed with a need to explain this healing thing  so that I can understand it.  I have always learned better through teaching; and taught better through learning.  To me, the two go hand in hand.

  I know so little...the more I learn the more I realize that, and ironically the more I realize that, the more I feel this need to share what I am learning.  How crazy is that? I want to share the little I learned rather than waiting to know more and than teaching what I know for sure.  That method does not work for me because I figure I will never know for sure lol.

Anyway, words can do so little.  I read so much and I absorb everything I read but those words  are just pointers (as Eckhart Tolle calls them) that lead inward.  To me, the wisdom I get from others are like keys that open a door to understanding already in me...I simply remember.

Anyway, it is all good.  I will get back to you as I remember more.  If it triggers a memory in you...great!  If it doesn't...that is okay too.  It is all good.

All is well in my world.

What is Healing?

The good physician treats the disease; the great physician treats the person who has the disease.
William Osler 

This look at holistic healing is consuming me because I am not sure I am articulating clearly enough to enhance my own understanding. It's still all about me and my understanding, isn't it?  lol.

I guess what I wanted to say is healing occurs with the most general of diagnosis, with wholeness and at a much deeper level than can be understood by our limited mindsets.

The Most General of Diagnosis

We do not need to be so specific in the cause of our issues. We really do not need to make distinctions at the cellular level, the organ level, the system level, the physical organism level( the body) vs the mind or spirit level, the individual human level, the humanity level, the being level, the  planet level etc etc etc.

If we or anything in this universe are experiencing anything but the perfect flow of energy, peace and joy that all life is meant to experience...we need healing.  It doesn't matter if you call the resistance problem through a diagnosis... cancer or rheumatoid arthritis.  It doesn't matter if you call it schizophrenia or a border line personality disorder.  It doesn't matter if you call it sin or a crisis in faith...we have a problem that needs healing.

Healing is healing and it involves absolutely everything.  So why do we need to break the thing that needs healing down into tiny sections that we can label and diagnose as being the  problem?

Say what, crazy lady?

I am still stuck on breaking down problems under specific labels and diagnosis's . I still have a tendency to break down my life issues into spiritual, mental/emotional or physical.

In the physical realm I subdivide again...and see my physical problems of pain and a lack of energy  as following under one of three body system issues: gynecological, muscular skeletal and cardiac.

Now I was professionally trained indirectly using the  medical model.  I became obsessed with a need for one clear and specific diagnosis to explain my health issues.  I knew if I did not have one, I would  not receive the social respect, assistance and support required to accommodate my life.  I would not be validated.  I wanted that validation. I thought I needed it. I thought I needed that specification.

Wholeness

I now know that a medical diagnosis that is clear and succinct will not  heal me.  It will lead simply to a band aid being put over one of the many lesions which is merely a symptom of a systemic disease.  By systemic, I mean whole system not body system.

My cardiac condition, my muscular condition, and my gynecological condition are just symptoms of a greater disease. My body "malfunctioning" is just a symptom of a greater disease.  Any thing my whole being registers as "unhealthy" is just a symptom of a greater disease.  Any problems within humanity simply is a symptom of a greater disease.

And by disease, I mean: Dis-Ease.

Are you getting that?



Resistance

What is this greater disease? It is resistance...resistance to the truth of who we are, what life is, from where we came and what is possible for us.  Resistance causes physical pain, cell destruction, fatigue, blocked energy, depression and spiritual deprivation. It causes what we know as disease: dis-ease.

It doesn't matter where it manifests or how it manifests...if we are not living, expanding fully...if our world is not expanding with us...than we are resisting something.

The Taoist leader Lao Tzu called the flow of life, "the way" and felt that all problems arose because of our resistance to it.

"Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them.  That only causes sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in any way they like."

Letting Go

Healing is letting go of resistance.  If I want to fix my heart and my muscles, my thinking,  my feeling, or my lack of spiritual connection...I simply need to stop resisting...to let go and let life flow through me.

I am not so sure how to do that yet. So I will get back to you lol.

All is well.

Check out:

The Tao Te Ching...chapter 46

Beware: Ego Clings!

Drop the negativity that your mind has created about the situation and that serves no purpose whatsoever except to strengthen the false sense of self.
Eckhart Tolle

Ego Clings!

I was very sad yesterday!  And I was embarrassed, ashamed and angry at myself for being sad. 

I could observe myself sitting at a staff meeting suddenly feeling all discombobulated, confused, surprised and yes...ashamed of the feelings that were suddenly overwhelming my experience. I told myself, from this wise place I was somehow stepping away from, that it was all just another ego inflammation and it will pass.

Ego Stings!

But it was so hard not to feel the sting of it...to disconnect from the sad tale of woe ego was whispering in my ear ( not literally lol)  making me the main character, someone to pity, someone who has a right to be resentful.... someone I don't want to be!

Memory after memory, thought after thought popped into my head reminding me of my fall from a position of being respected, valued, a controlling and meaningful force in this ego dominated world to what was perceived as nothing but a second thought in people's minds.

 I looked around the table at all the smiling and kind  faces and realized they have no idea how much I lost or what I am going through and they do not want to know because they really, really do not "have time" to care. Nor should they be filling their head with my perceived problems (which actually just became "problems" as I sat there allowing ego to spin its little web). Why was I focusing on their reaction to my story?

My story, "other" story  just gets in the way of what we have to do, does it not? It will get in the way of their ego needs.  This is the way of the work place life.  This is the way of our busy world.  This is the way of an ego dominated society. People do not have "time" to think too much about each other.  It was a very sad realization and it floored me.  Ego wanted me to feel sad!

I succumbed.  I felt good and sorry for myself lol.


Ego Remembers its Losses!

I had the sense to know that this sudden trip down self-pity lane was totally irrational and unhealthy.  I couldn't understand why I was there...right where I left off in June...but there I was.

I asked myself while I sat there: Why am I so sad?  Why am I thinking of all these experiences?  Just to explain why I was feeling what I am feeling?  Why am I so hurt just because people do not "seem" to care about me the way I expected them to care? I don't want them focusing on my problems because I don't want to focus on them...so why am I feeling so dejected? I am further advanced than this aren't I?  Should I not be beyond all this ego stuff in the waking up process? 

I was so confused and could only understand that I was thinking and feeling loss.

What I perceived I lost in the work place environment : my physical ability to do my job, my job in terms of the courses I loved to teach and felt I shined at, my puffed up ego status, my reputation, recognition, other trust in my integrity (that was a big one for me), consideration from others in my time of need, three quarters of my salary, my financial stability, my license and title as a nurse because of my lack of hours...were really nothing...no thing....They do not make me.  They do not define me.  They are not me!  I know that in the core of me. 

Ego Grieves!

So why then do I grieve it all so when I walk through those doors?  Why does my ego get so inflamed when I am surrounded by my team...people who are all kind and good...who are not even aware of my experience? Because they aren't aware of my experience?

I grieve the loss of that feeling of being valued, cared for, "seen". I miss knowing that I fit in. (or believing I did :)) Without my ego identification, I don't know my value and my worth to others anymore.  Even though it was only ego value before...I miss not having it.

Others seem okay with that because they do not want to have to bump into anything "heavy" as they busy through their work hours, anyway.  I am a reminder of life's heaviness. It is best to keep it all hidden away.  That is the way of our world. I understand that

Oh my...how does that sound for a whingey tale of drama lol?

No one is doing anything wrong.  It just is what it is.  I just had expectations of my false self that were not realistic.  That's all.

I had expectations of my ability to keep up in ego's world when I wasn't meant to.  That's all.

I just had expectations of other people and my work relations that were not realistic :) .  That's all.

 I had expectations of my work environment that were not realistic.  That's all. 

And life had some lessons for me.  It wanted to show me how I was putting my mental and physical energy on the unrealistic rather than the real. That's all.

My life is no one's 'problem' but my own.  My feelings are no one's responsibility but my own.  :) And they are only "problems' if I choose to make them so.

Ego Questions!

As I sat there I wondered about staying. I questioned if this ego inflammation was good for my health?   I still do.  Is it worth pushing myself  beyond my presently perceived limitations in an  environment that reminds me of loss?  That triggers my ego slips so dramatically?

Ultimately, Ego is no Match For Spirit!

I was going to get up from that table yesterday but something stopped me.  I heard a little voice in my head saying.."What a wonderful learning opportunity for you to do what you need to do...get beyond the ego, get control of your thoughts and feelings, find peace and compassion in a situation that does not seem peaceful externally. If you master this lesson, you got it made!"

"Besides...how are you going to pay your damn mortgage if you don't?"  lol

Moral of this big long boring story:

 Spiritually: Waking up is not always an instantaneous leap from ego to joy.  The ego is tenacious...it clings.  It will get inflamed from time to time.  We will slip into our thinking as I did yesterday. We can feed each slip with more negativity or we can get beyond it. 

I want to get beyond it. The fact that we can be aware of ego when it is acting up is an amazing thing.  It shows me that I am waking up...I just have a way to go yet.  :)

Psychologically speaking: We also need to grieve our losses...all of them...even the "unreal" ego ones.  Supressing and repressing them will only lead to them popping up out of the blue every now and again. Grieve them and be done with them.

Though I haven't a clue how, I have to grieve my perceived losses and unreal expectations so I can release them.

I know where I want to go.  I know who I want to be.  It isn't that narcissistic, negative, dramatic , self pitying false self I was yesterday.  My ego, my life circumstances, and my environment do not define me.  I do.

It is all good.

All is well in my world.