When you make a mistake, there are only three things you should ever do: admit it, learn from it, and don't repeat it again!
Paul Bear Byrant

I have been up since three thirty.  Not feeling 100%.  I am going to use this personal experience again to illustrate my point about healing. 

Another look at healing through my own learning

I worked yesterday...and though I went in with the intention of letting others know that I will be limited in my hours, shortening my days, and insisting on balancing my life... I did too much! I slipped right back into the pattern of doing to achieve and to please. I exhausted myself!

That left me with this frustration, confusion  and resentment that I didn't want to feel.  Those emotions lead to massive damming.  :) My energies were blocked. On the way home, I was so full of thoughts that chastised me and left me frustrated,  I responded to the gestures of an impatient driver, giving back what I got (if you know what I mean lol). That I know, is not the behaviour of an evolved person lol!

 I was blocked and drained for the remainder of the day...not allowing the full flow of life through me. Even my posture was noted to be tight and constrained instead of open and full. So I woke up with a big wad of whatever you want to call it stuck in my chest and thoughts about my ability to work swirling around in my head. 

Not what I want.  Not what I deserve.  Not what I am going to have.

The Unhealthy Behavioural Choice

So what happened to trigger all this? I put my desire "to do" above my desire "to be". I am resentful and angry at myself for allowing this.  That right there tells me that I am not aligned with Life, things in me and around me are not balanced enough to accommodate the flow of energy and it is not what I want.  :) Today I was not "balanced" in my doing and being.

How to Make it Better

These slips are actually wonderful learning opportunities in disguise. We can make it better!

If  you are experiencing  an unhealthy energy imbalance you can begin to right yourself with these steps:

1. Recognize the physical feelings in your body.  In me I felt completely exhausted and hours after I experienced  chest pain.
2. Recognize the emotional feelings that preceded or are going on concurrently with the physical feelings.  In my case: frustration, resentment, self-blame (emotions that are often linked with the cardiovascular system btw)
3. Determine what types of thoughts led to the emotional experience.  Take a moment and think about it.  You do not necessarily need to know exactly what you said to yourself at the time the emotional reaction started (if you can that's great...but if you can't, don't sweat it.)  Just try to determine what subject matter you were thinking about. For me, it was something like: "I don't want to be here past my hours. I should be home.  I want to help but if I am going to help I have to do it now.  I am not getting my stuff done.  I am not going to have time to redo the modules to get my certificate. I am so tired.  I need to be home. Why am I doing this? Why would this be left to me when I am so limited in hours? Like really... who would do this for me? People do not even consider where I am at...as long as I do!  (As you can see the trajectory of thought is going downhill quickly into the self pity and offense collecting dumps. ) Why do I do that to myself! "
4. Next see if you can  change these thoughts at all just so you feel better.  You don't have to skip from where  you are to ecstasy...you just want to feel better. (Remember anger and blame feel better than unworthiness and despair; frustration feels better than anger and blame; acceptance feels better than frustration etc etc).  My change. "I chose to do that.  It was a nice thing to do.  I like focusing on the positive in people and it gave me a chance to do so.  I do like a writing challenge especially if it serves others. I don't need that certificate anyway...I am not really a nurse anymore.  (oops!  That one sounded a little whiny lol) Sure I need to take better care of myself.  I am learning.  I don't have to beat myself up when I slip."
5. Determine how you feel with each change of thought.  How are the emotional vibrations? Moving up the scale at all?  Remember you do not have to feel great at this point...just better. If you don't feel better ...try another thought change.  When I said, "I don't need that certificate...I am not really a nurse anymore."  I could have simply said "I don't need my certificate" leaving that part out that brings up feelings of loss.  I could also rephrase...I need to take better care of myself...which adds pressure to an already frustrating situation...with..."I want to take better care of myself." etc. 
6. Determine what behaviours were involved as a reaction or a cause to the physical feelings. In my case, I worked too many hours, neglected my own self care to fulfill a request, and was not assertive enough.  Then when I was frustrated and exhausted on the way home...I reacted to the frustration of another driver stuck in her egoic moment.
7. Take responsibility!  These are your actions or reactions; your thoughts and your feelings.  No one "made you feel' a certain way!   No one made you do what you did! No one made me frustrated.  No one made me stay past my hours.  No one made me pursue that activity...I agreed.  I made a choice. Can you learn from this? 
8. Accept the situation for whatever it is and whatever it offered including your thoughts and feelings.  Just accept them!
9. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and let them go with the exhalation.
10. Now decide how will you do things differently the next time?  Well I keep thinking of my reaction with the driver.  I ask myself, what would a cool, evolved person have done in that situation?  I could have taken a nice deep breath, smiled sincerely in my mirror offering forgiveness before it was even requested and made a peace sign with my fingers instead of the other. :) 

Re-Evaluating

When I evaluate my being/doing at the end of the day, I guess I didn't do as badly as I originally thought. I always ask myself if I only had 24 hours left to live... is the activity I am about to do... worth my time and energy? Yeah...it was. Acknowledging the things others do to make the world a better place is a good use of my time and energy. That is the work task that consumed me and put me over my hours.

Anyway...I am suddenly very tired again lol.  So I will end my "Miss Know-It-all" session on Healing 101.  lol.  Hope it helps someone somewhere to know that I goof up in this awakening process more than most. Going back to bed.

All is well.