Want!!

Keep the faith.  The most amazing things in life seem to happen right at the moment when you are about to give up hope.
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I woke up a little down this morning...a little bit heavy with the weight of the world. I looked around at my circumstances that don't seem to be changing  and perceived myself as "stuck" .  I am more fatigued than ever.  My head won't stop spinning.  Chest pain is still a constant reminder to stop  when I exert myself. The bills are piling up on my desk and new ones too.  I see how I cannot provide for my children the way I used to, the way I want to.  My house is grosse!  Things are not the way I want them to be.

I found myself sighing a big pathetic sigh that said, "Oh Well!  I better get used to it.  Things are not getting better."

I better get used to it? 

I actually said that to myself ??

I allowed that low energy thought and feeling of being stuck to rumble through my psyche and my life the way it does in those who have given up.  Here I was thinking I was accepting my here and now so that I could find peace but I was  really...just giving up on expecting or even wanting anything more?

After all the work I did and all the evolving I know I did, when that last layer of ego was debrided I realized I am still sick with a psychic malignancy. This cancer grows rampant in many of us and we will not see it for what it is until we pull away the superficial layers of who we think we are. 

Not nice but...  It happens. 

This journey forward to full recovery is going to involve some remissions and some flare-ups.  Recognizing you are in a flare up is key.  I am in a "I am afraid to want more"  flare up.  I am not going to fight it or resist it, I am just going to learn from it and go forward once more.

I am going to refer you back to a couple of past entries  I wrote on this "Giving-Up-On Wanting Cancer" that still, much to my dismay,  grows within me.  I read through them  and I feel a little bit pumped with new motivation to make peace with my situation and heal from it, to get to real acceptance and peace of mind.

 If you can relate at all,  I am hoping they will assist you as well.

Moral of this rampage:

Accept where you are right now...but....Do not give up on wanting more. Keep those hopes and dreams alive in you. Project them out there. It ...whatever our "it' may be...will happen for all of us if we continue to send our desires out into the universe with hope.  Don't get too hung up on how it is going to happen or when it  is going to happen...just know that it will happen!

Besides...doesn't it just feel better to wish, to dream and to imagine all the wonderful possibilities out there than it does to feel stuck in a rut?  It is all about feeling better, right?  In this moment, dreaming, hoping, and wanting will make you feel better.

So feel better.  Want!

Have a read

https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.ca/2017/05/acceptance-vs-giving-up-on-wanting.html

https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.ca/2017/05/ten-steps-to-healthy-wanting.html


All is well in my world!  It really is!