Wrestling Match Within
I feel it in the core of me...
a tangled knot of moving limbs and angry flesh
started in some wrestling match of the mind,
leading to this flopping around
on the decripate canvas floor
of what remains of this"me".
I feel the thumping and the vibration of sound
reverberating from the invisible but noisy crowd,
echoing off the ropes that close off
this battle-to-the-death from the rest of the world,
as I stand in the corner,
holding breath, biting nails,
waiting for some unseen ref ,
counting down from ten in the background,
to blow the whistle, to break up this knot...
to declare one of those sweaty and bloody fighters
the winner of this Life.
Will it be Shamer Ego
and its tag team partner Redeemer
that will wear the belt?
Or will the Self ,
not moving a muscle in Its own defense,
except to subdue and restrain
the frantic twins from over-exerting themselves
and from extending their dramatic antics
out into the crowd,
possibly harming those who watch
with baited breath for the bell to ring,
that will stand tall to be the victor?
© Dale-Lynn, May, 2026
This just came out of me...not sure why it did in the form of a wrestling match analogy. I am not a fan but atlas...who am I to decide how these things come out lol? I woke up with that very familiar knot in the center of my gut. This knot has been so constant and persistent lately, crying for attention. And as I was observing it, knowing it represented something within my psyche that was falling apart....this just came out. It is pretty cool how it works.
Well what does it mean crazy lady? Are you planning on putting your sixty some year old carcass on the WWF circuit in a pair of spandex? No, I can assure you I would have a hard time crawling through the ropes, let alone wrestling anyone. And in spandex? That wouldn't be pretty to watch lol.
This knot is a physiological reaction to what is going on in this mind. I literally feel like the personality, I thought I was, is falling to pieces and that something deeper is trying to emerge to take the reins of this Life I erronously assumed for years was "mine". It is not a pleasant experience to have this happening-physically or emotionally. My ego is resisting big time and is hell bent on keeping Self down. This ego, of course, is two sided...on one side there is Shamer ego, and on the otherside there is Redeemer...neither stronger or better than the other...both just ego keeping me stuck in this identification as a "broken personality". That is why I see them as a tag team...constantly tapping each other out.
Self is really not volunteering for this match. It sees no competition or need to fight these two...but it will get tangled up in them as it seeks to prevent them from hurting the mission of this Self ...(whatever the heck that is...and I don't know)....or from hurting anyone else. It is a nonviolent, non-competitive entity. It doesn't want the belt...it just wants peace, joy, the sat chit ananda experience for all. It knows these two ego identities (that many of us are caught up in)...the personality itself...is in the way of this that "I am" from experiencing it...so it protectively and gently tries to restrain ego's antics to a limited degree.
The "I" observing and biting nails...is of course, "The Observer I" which is still clinging to some personality layers...
Right now, the battle is very uncomfortable for this "me" that still clings to personality to some degree...thus the constant knot in the belly, the emotional anx, this sense of a battling knot in my core...but I also know the bell is going to ring very soon. A winner will be declared.
Who do you think it will be...Self or Shamer/Redeemer Ego that will earn the title to this Life I mistakenly call "mine"? ?
All is well.
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