Choosing Confidence over Arrogance

 

Confidence is graceful, silent and gentle. It speaks for itself. Arrogance lacks elegance, it's loud and bositerous. It needs advertising.

The Positive Psychology People

Still thinking of arrogance and want to clarify that for most of us the manifestation of arrogance in our actions, words, and thoughts actually comes from a deeper sense of inadequacy and shame. I see that in this human and am assuming that it occurs in other humans as well. Most so-called arrogant people, then, could actually be very shame-based people with little awareness of and confidence in their True Self...that which exists beyond the protective personalities built and worn.

  Most of us are so identified with our personalities, failing to see that they are just protective masks and costumes we built and struggle to maintain so we can fit into the social pack, we have no clue as to Who We really Are beneath these superficial layers shown to the world. These layers of personality can protect us from the painful messaging we stuffed and stored in those earlier years...what others told us we were that led to an inner layer of personality that is shame based. Personality layers built and maintained by a Redeemer ego (an ego that is going to work hard and do what it can to create an image  of okayness or even "better than you-ness" to hide this shamed personality from self and others) are on the outside, and shown to the world. They attempt to hide and/or deflect from this deep sense of inadequacy. Well, that is the way it is for this human anyway. I can see it is the way for others I know, as well.

Yes, there are people out there who are so deeply entrenched in their arrogant personalities, which are many layers thick tracing back to the core beleiefs they have of themselves as entitled and superior. These people are delusional. They have been conditioned to believe they are grander, better, and more deserving than others. The belief is fixed. If there was shame, it is so deeply supressed it would be next to impossible to retreive.

But...

for the most part arrogance is all about personality protection...I believe anyway.  It often flares up when our shame samskaras get triggered. We subconsciously seek the extreme contrast in personality...going from shame up through self dignity, through pride, to arrogance in an automatic reflex. What would happen then if there was no personality to protect? 

Then, there are those who are truly confident that we may assume are arrogant.  They do not seem to care that we are thinking they are too arrogant. Infact, they do not seem to care what others think of them at all.  They are stepping out and expressing themselves in an honest and authentic way. They are not "people pleasers" though they still seem to love people. They still give but not from a need to fit in and belong mentality. They do not  hide their vulnerabilities because they do not fear the consequences of exposure.  A confident person can express vulnerability freely. They are not intent on hiding it. They do not fear what will happen if they expose these broken shells. There is nothing to hide or protect. They know that Who they Are is omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent. These confident people are not riding the roller coast between shame and arrogance. They are steady and peaceful.

Wouldn't you much rather be that way than all tripped up in the wires of arrogance or pulled down into the trenches of shame? How do we get there?

We begin by recognizing our arrogance.  From there we recognize the cause of the arrogance. We see the triggering of that which we are running from inside.  We look deeply in, to see the shame at the root of our personality development. See how it is leading to the extreme opposite personality quest, resulting in arrogance. We clearly see the constant battle going on between two egos: Shamer and Redeemer. Instead of choosing Redeemer over Shamer...we see ego or personality itself as the problem.  We seek to get beyond it. It is not shame or arrogance that is the problem. It is our identification with personality. 

Imagine living without the need to constantly redeem ourselves from shame. Imagine knowing that shame and this need for redemption that often comes in the form of arrogance is not who we are. Imagine not having that pressure to build up these personality layers, to hide, to pretend, to work hard to please. Imagine just being and feeling peaceful in that being.

When we recognize that we are not our personality, be it shameful or arrogant...we can be free to be Who We really Are...the Self. That is where true confidence comes from.

Hmm! Something to think about.

All is well