Summer, Bees, Humming, and Serendipity

Today the summer has come at my window with its sighs and murmurs; and the bees are plying their minstrelsy at the court of the flowering grove....

I was thinking about Tagore's poem, "A Moment's Indulgence",  as I was walking across my lawn this morning.  It is full of life providing clover and the bees are actively flying all over the place, busy sucking up that nectar.  The whole lawn was offering a soft, soothing humming noise as I walked over it. I had to be very, very mindful and  I immediately thought of that poem.  So enthralled was I by it years ago...that I wrote an article on it and had it published in "The Mindful Word". Every time I hear bees "plying their ministrelsy at the court of the flowering grove" I am reminded of that poem. I was saying to myself as I got closer to the house, "I must dig up that poem and have another read." I had such a sense of sweet dedication to life in this silent and overflowing leisure. I experienced a lovely connection with everything around me in those quiet moments moving across my yard. 

Then, when I came in here to check my stats...sure enough out of the 3000+entries I have here...what was read in the last 24 hours? An entry I wrote in 2018 with the full version of that poem on it. No one can convince me that is not serendipidity. ..some sharing of the collective thought stored within the One mind. So, so sweet. 

I did have a question as I was rereading the poem. There has been an argument for over a century about the collection of poetry this particular poem was written in and that which got him the nobel prize for literature...Gitanjali  (Song offerings). Many contemporary writers of that time like Robert Frost criticized that too much was lost or changed in the translation to receive the acclaim it did. Though I do not support Frost's argument (I believe he was a bit racist) I too fear that much gets lost in translation. For example, I wonder if Tagore meant "quiet" instead of "quite" in "Now it is time to sit quite, face to face with thee,".

Regardless, I imagine how absolutely beautiful those poems must be in their original Bengali.

Anyway, I digress! 

Just wanted to share a lovely moment of serendipity.

All is well.

This Blog (March 8, 2018) Hearing the Vibrations of Life. https://dale-lynwritin.blogspot.com/2018/03/hearing-vibration-of-life.html

The Mindful Word/ Me (June 20, 2017) Learning from Tagore: Take a Break from Doing and Indulge in Being. https://www.themindfulword.org/learning-tagore-take-break/

Spirit and Nature Dancing Together

 

Everyday experiences are teaching you every single thing about the highest truth that ever existed  but you are not paying attention....

Michael A. Singer

Your mind, if it is anything like "my" mind, is likely running your Life or even ruining your Life. It is probably focusing down on every "problem"  the human you call "me" is experiencing at the exclusion of everything else dragging you through the mud.

It is really, really challenging for most of us to accept the truth that we are eternal, consciousness, and Bliss (Sat,Chit, Ananda) when the mind is telling us just the oppoiste ...or at least...keeping us very distracted away from that truth.  You might believe it is doing its job when it does this...telling you how to get what you want and avoid what you don't want from "out there" ...but it isn't freeing you.  It is keeping you in a mental prison. It is pulling this amazing consciousness that  you are, and that which could be focusing on so much more Life enhancing stuff, down into the narrow spectrum of the objects of consciousness it is focusing on. It ain't pretty down there.

Your consciousness is addicted to your thoughts, your emotions, and whatever is coming in through your senses

We need to wake up and realize that this personal mind isn't serving us.  There is another part of us that is so much more condusive to our healing and growing. We do not need to listen to what this "crazy" mind is telling us...we can listen to the higher Self instead. 

If you notice a voice talking in your head...it is not you...you are the one watching it...

We can learn to say:

"This mind is causing a lot of trouble in my life and I want to learn to stop listening to it ."

We can also:

Dare to stand up and against the mind...challenge what it says

When we recognize what "ego" mind is doing, see how it has been holding us back in our focus, and decide to "see" differently...a clearer mind, a higher mind, the intunement mind comes into view....

It is that higher mind that we want in charge of our lives. We need to practice letting go of the lower mind and all its distractions so the Higher Mind can shine forth freely; so we can experience the highest truths.

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July 28. 2025) The Guru Within: Returning to Consciousness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUFqjpv6jQ0

Awarenes: Maintaining the Seat of Consciousness

 

Spirit is not human...spirit is aware of what is human.

Awareness is the beginning and end of the meaning of all life.

Man, I would really, really like the opportunity to sit down with Michael Singer over a cup of tea.  I have never met anyone in my life whose thought process resonates with mine like his does. I truly "get" what he is saying.  I believe he would "get" what I share here. Sigh!  Chances of that happening are slim to none...unless there is some freak meeting when he crosses the border to this side...for whatever reason.

I once thought about even doing a road trip to the Temple of the Universe. That won't be happening now. I won't be going down there. What does the Trump administration have to say about yogis lol? Don't imagine it is favorable. "Anti-Christian" (as if he truly cares about that lol but the puppet masters probably do), "Anti- American"...or I suppose the biggest threat is "anti-capitalist. "   Maybe he thinks positively towards Singer because he is in that favorable economic bracket. A poor Canadian yogi...however... would be another potential nasty annoying fly in his soup...another nasty paper straw in his box of plastic straws. He wouldn't think this type of being, I suspect, was worth his spit and would swat it away or crumble it up in an instant. 

Anyway, I won't be going down there in the next four years.  

It is all good.  I can still listen and learn...while I share what I learn here from Singer and so many others. Sigh!

I like how he described this concept with the zeros. I paraphrased it:

Everything in the universe is a zero...so there is an infinite number of zeros. Even if you multiply them  together, it remains zero.  Meher Baba asked  put a "1" in front of all those zeros and what do you have?  You would end up with a number that goes to infinity. That "1"  is awareness...is consciousness... God. All those zeros are things you are aware of ...objects of consciousness and there is only one consciousness.

I appreciate his understanding of yoga (again somewhat paraphrased):

Yoga is the study of consciousness 

Consciousness is everything...there is no reason for being here on this planet if there was no consciousness.  You could lose your body parts...your thoughts...your emotions...etc and you are still conscious...you could lose all your sensory awareness as in deep sleep and still be conscious....[you could die ( leave this physical body) and still be conscious]. That last part is mine.

And what about the Seat of Consciousness?

You can never figure out the Seat of Consciousness with your mind...the Seat of consciousness is where consciousness is when you are not being distracted...all thoughts are objects of consciousness.

If you touched the core of your being you touched where you are when you do not get drawn down into your distractions...you touch something that is realer than you have ever  touched before

Consciousness is everything...noticing the thoughts without being drawn down into them 

I thought of this as he was speaking:

You are not this ball of muscle, emotion, and thought stumbling around the planet grasping for something to hang on to so you don't fall down...knocking down others and rolling over other things in the process. You are the awareness...the love...the bliss...the life watching this ball do what it does until it rolls back home to where it belongs.

Again he says in paraphrased form: 

The love is always there...the Bliss is always there. There is a peace back there that nothing can take away...the peace that surpasses all understanding...

It is not like you have to get there...you are there.  It was there all along...

It is never about getting what you want. It is about allowing, appreciating, and honoring it all!

You are that consciousness...one with God...

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July 24, 2025) Spirituality is Awareness-Not Beliefs or Concepts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EtpnikgRMtc

Confronting Fears

 

Confronting your fears can reveal your strengths and expand your possibilities.

??

Oh, the drama the mind creates.  What I allowed this mind to drag this consciousness through in the last 48 was absolute cra-cra. ...but this internal desire to get beyond such mental disturbance prevailed. I did it! I faced a fear and I went into ER for something that was nothing more than a tiny little abcess in the physical sense, it seems. (Another little abcess was found in the front of the gum this time explaining why it was uncomfortable to smile.) and this action was so much more in the psychological sense. I need to keep facing and dealing with these silly, irrational  fears.  I also need to be kind and compassionate towards this human for having such fears.

Anyway, though the wait was long, I had the positive experience of having a kind, and friendly triage nurse.  Then, I had the fortunate experience of getting one of the best ER doctors I ever met (remembered him from the time my stepson was in with an IE...pretty much saved his life!). I told him everything ( without wanting to mention the people or clinic involved) and he went out and called someone about my situation who agreed to see me the next day and whom, I was told could, do the procedure in the future.  I just felt the load fall off my shoulders. Was treated with antibiotics, had the little abcess drained today, (only think that was responsible for the pinching feeling I was getting when I smiled and not the jaw and palate pain), and got a prescription for antibiotics.  I also was given the reassurance that I  could wait on the root canal. I needed that second opinion. I didn't specifically ask for him to take over...but I am on a "cancellation" list in hope that he will. 

The problem I know is not completely resolved...sigh! This abcess I had drained is not the original abcess (which was tiny too) behind the infected tooth. It is another abcess telling me that there is still an ongoing, underlying infection that is indeed wanting to spread.  I am wondering if  this abcess was there because of infection in the other molar...not the one I am scheduled to have a root canal for? The infection is in the pulp of the first tooth. Is it now in the pulp of the second?  My palate is still inflammed and I imagine because I cannot see...red.  I feel more than one bump back there...small as they maybe.  I am, not nor was I ever, all that concerned about the pain of an abcess or this inflammation...just what they meant...an active infection. I don't want to have this sub acute infection in my mouth for much longer. Though the risks for anyone getting an IE is small from a dental infection, it is still there.  And though a mitral valve prolapse is no big, concerning thing...recent studies in the NJM show that the risk for IE from dental infections  is 7 times higher than it is for the average population.  They are even debating reinstating the health promotion policy of  pre procedure antibiotic therapy for people with MVP. My scientifically centered mind simply tells me that I should not entertain such an infection for long..."don't worry or fret about the low risk, simply do what you can to prevent it." 

As far as my jaw and face pain...this little abcess that was drained would not have caused the amount of jaw limitation I have.  That is something else.  I think that might actually be a TMJ from the clenching I do.  Now, that the little baby tooth is gone...when I clench down my jaws are out of alignment. That could be screwing up the jaw??? 

Anyway, I have no idea what so ever.  I am so grateful for the  doctor and nurses in ER for their kind, respectful treatment. Even more grateful for the great dentist who took time out of his busy schedule to see me today. Grateful for antibiotics. Grateful for this learning that is taking me into a healing that extends way beyond the body's issues. Grateful for the universe and for Life playing out exactly as it is meant to.

Forgive me for boring you silly with all these very boring details about this human's (one of 8.5 billion humans) petty little mouth issues lol. I am going to say "It's my birthday and I can ramble if I want to..."  Now, for a birthday gift to myself...I am going to meditate then nap...maybe I will do a yoga nidra...as I have not slept very well in the last 48.

All is well

Sharing a Fear and Shame Samskara Activation

 Thinking will not overcome fear, but action will.

Napoleon Hill

The way out of shame is to own it, and go on being your best, showing up rather than hiding because of it. 

Lanre Dehunsi

Sometimes it is good to see how samskara triggers work in others. I have a samskara being activated now and I am challenged by it. 

Sigh! I need to face a shame/fear inducing thing and am working up the courage to do so. I know the sooner I do it the better, not only for health reasons, but for my peace of mind. This is taking up so much of my time and energy. The idea that I have to do something for my mouth infection has been filling my mental space nonstop over the last 24 hours. I know I have to do something... soon. I have no feeling in the tooth...thank God...assume the nerve is dead but the gums and palate are red and swollen and I am having pain in cheek, jaw, and ear now.  I can only open up one side of my mouth half way and I cannot smile without pain. Sigh! Of course, a tooth abcess is not going to go away on its own. I know that but somehow I was hoping it would.  I had hope that others knew more than me and they had my best interest at heart...that allowing a dental abcess percolate for five months was okay. Once I accept that truth that isn't the case, that I need help for the body, the mind goes crazy. "It's up to you to do something and you better do it soon!"  

I was challenged to settle peacefully into the here and now since this realization and I know I won't settle until something gets done.  

Shame and fear have come to the surface big time! I want to avoid but I made myself call the dental office today. I explained everything to the receptionist ...from the trips back and forth since April, the mistake in assuming it was my wisdom teeth and my getting them removed unnecesarily, the oral surgeon's discovery of an abcess and his instructions to have that tooth dealt with within a two week period...the fact that a need for a root canal was discovered to be the problem all along and that I now have to wait until September to have one. I explained that I could barely open my mouth now.  I pretty well pleaded to get in to see someone else rather than have to go into emergency but was calmly told "there is no openings for weeks or possibly months". More or less, a big, "Suck it up, buttercup!"  So, ...that just got this shame and fear thing percolating even faster. 

I want to handle this calmly with clear mind. I do not want it "disturbing" my peace. I want peace and clarity guiding wise, inspired action. Instead, I feel temporarly stuck in non-action. Thinking about it must be easier than doing it? I am constantly getting lost in past story and future worry about this situation. I catch myself and try to relax enough to bring myself back into the moment but it seems like too much.  This samskara being triggered is a big shame and fear one built on my experiences over the years accessing the health care system for help with my heart condition, my pelvic condition, my intestinal condition and other things.  Regardless of how or why, regardless if others were shaming me or not (some were, for sure) ...I perceived it all as very, very shaming. I developed an intense fear of more shaming. I developed an intense fear of accessing health care.  It is like a big heavy boulder in my gut being triggered by the mere thought of "going back in there to fight for help for this body." 

I tried to sit with the shame a couple of times. I allowed it to come up and be what it was.  I spoke to it. I was compassionate toward it. I even felt like I was "dealing with it" but as soon as I think, "I have to get help." I am pulled right back down in the muck and mire of little self.  Off the mind goes on another tangent.  I get lost in the tangent and forget my Self...then I catch my Self pulled down and lost...I then pull Self away from this mental drama and this intense emotional reaction.  I realize I am just triggering samskaras...past is past. Its done and gone but man does it feel so real like it is happening now!! Then before I know it...I am pulled in and down again. It is so cra-cra to watch, let alone experience. 

The thing is...I am not overly worried about this body anymore.  I am so appreciative of it and all that it does for me. I want to honor it and treat it well.  I have no grand plans of leaving it any time soon. But I am not worried or afraid of any potential outcomes from this infection. I am not afraid of pain.  I am not afraid of illness.  I am not afraid of death even. I just have a very rational thought, " You have a tooth abcess that was likely there before April. That is too long of a time span! You know the infection from a tooth abcess, if untreated can spread. It does not go away on its own. Waiting longer, until September, for a root canal to have the infection treated is likely not a wise thing to do. You know that something has to be done about it 'sooner rather than later' (as one of the dental hygienists shared on you last visit). Your body. Your responsibility." 

This discomfort will not go away until long after I do something. Doing something for this shame based human that has the potential of triggering more shame is such a terryfying thing. Others would think me completely ridiculous I am sure. When I made the call this morning...it took a lot of self talk to work up the courage to do it (almost like I knew what the result would be). An hour later I felt a certain peace and relief for doing something even if it did not turn out the way I had hoped. That lasted for an hour tops lol.

This is not going to go away until I go into emergency and explain my situation. I keep imagining how no one will have the time to listen or care...that they will likely refer me back to where I was. I fear that so many past experiences will repeat themselves...that nothing will get done to help and on top of that I will be shamed for coming in to a place meant for "real" emergencies. My mind spins off into the maybes. Maybe, I don't need to go in? Maybe I don't need help?  Maybe it is perfectly okay to wait until September? I truly don't know, do I? Do I really have to put myself through all this crap? Is it worth a 4 to 20 hour wait in an emergency waiting room? 

This mind spinning stuff is not going to stop until I do something and that, more than anything else, is why I have to go in. Truth is I do not know what the right thing to do here is. I do not know what will happen. I can not predict what will happen.  Mind likes to predict but it can't.  Regardless of what happens I just have my truth to share. Fear and shame may be doing their thing.  That is okay.  Just fear. Just shame. I cannot ask them to stop. I can only do my best to accept that they are there...allow them to be...and continue on despite them.

I will let you know how it turns out.

All is well. 

A Successful Life

What is it that makes a successful life? 

According to Eckhart Tolle true success is not what the world tells us it is.  It isn't about being bigger, prettier, better, or achieving and having more than someone else. 

True Self worth comes from that place of beingness. It comes from the "I am" and it is not comparitive, It comes directly from realization of the being that you are which is precious. There is a sense of infinite worth or worthiness in there that doesn't depend on comparison. Its Life Itself..the sacredness of Life Itself that you are

What is ultimately the only real success in Life?  It is how conscious you are...how much consciousness is manifesting, emerging, shining through you here and now.  

Eckhart Tolle

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle (July 22, 2025) From Self Image to Self-Realization. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vursb9Stl_c&t=634s

Flashback from 2017: Choosing Being Over Doing

 Don't equate your self worth with how well you do in life. You aren't what you do. If you are what you do, then when you don't...you aren't.

Wayne Dyer

Had such a lovely brunch with friends today. One of the things we discussed was "doing". I had a friend share she was spending more of her retirement time just relaxing. She was choosing "reading and chilling" over housework and chores. She stated that she sometimes found herself comparing her "lack of doing" with her relatives's "active, non-stop doing". I wanted to share that I agreed with her approach and that I understood by referring her to a few articles I had written during the "publishing challenge" I underwent in 2017. (Wrote 8 articles in two weeks and sent them out to see how many publications I would get...surprisingly, all but one got published). These articles were all about the need to "be" over the conditioned need to "do". 

I probably bored my friends to tears by sending these articles along...but I did anyway.  Maybe it will bore you too, but I will enclose links to these articles here just in case you want to have a peek...or not. 

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/measuring-the-quality-of-your-day-with-a-to-be-list-not-just-a-to-do-list/

https://www.themindfulword.org/learning-tagore-take-break/

https://thewisdomdaily.com/what-i-learned-from-blaise-pascal-about-the-power-of-stillness/

https://www.globalharmonycrew.com/how-to-make-the-most-of-your-life-the-24-hour-life/#google_vignette

All is well!

Always Conscious

 Conciousness is always conscious, it is just a question of what it is conscious of.

Consciousness is everything but it is distracted by what you experience. 

Michael A. Singer

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July 21, 2025) Untethering Consciousness: The Path Back to Your True Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BqWQLnTa3ns&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

A Few Internal Bruises

 

You have to expand your ability to handle the vibrations inside of you until ultimately...you reach that state where you know that nothing ever again will disturb you. 

Michael Singer

Physical Bruises Easier to Handle than Internal Ones

I can handle physical discomfort much better than I can handle that internal discomfort.  I played Pickle Ball on Saturday (for fun) and despite the fact that my ticker was acting up to the point I could barely breathe, my face was still so sore, and my body was aching after a few games, I played full out.  Even when I fell landing hard on the ground and twisting my ankle, I continued on.  After quickly checking for a fracture (have to remember that I do have osteoporosis which has been left untreated since April because of the dental thing) I  jumped right back up to play. I couldn't breathe...had a few bruises...but it was nothing.  If someone during that day, however, were to say or do one little thing that triggered one of these old stuffed wounds, I could have become incapacitated by it.  I can tolerate the physical bruises but I have a hard time still with the internal ones.

The Spiritual Mission 

I am on a mission to learn to handle the inner bruises...to release whatever is responsible for them even if it hurts like heck to do so, I am determined to allow for the release of all that junk I stuffed and stored inside me- that which is making knots of tension and physical ailments in the physical body; that which is forming blockages of the energy flow in the subtle body, and that which is creating great big samskara bruises in the mental body. I know it is going to hurt like the dickens to do so but I am determined. 

Experimenting

I am experimenting with how to do this with self hypnosis.  Self hypnosis offers a quick trip into relaxation. We all know that relaxation is the total opposite of resistance.  It is resistance that keeps us pushing everything back down away from conscious awareness when it gets triggered to come up...thus creating secondary bruising and that "sensitivity" to external events. I am sick of being so sensitive.  

I can't expect  Life to stop triggering me. Life is not responsible for my sensitive reactions. I am. It is just being Life.  It is up to me to handle this since I am the one that created this sensitive inner world with all I stuffed and stored and my determination to resist whatever might trigger it. Stuffed stuff, btw, that wants nothing more than to be released. 

My goal is purification. I want to reach the state where I can remain peaceful and undisturbed no matter what Life throws at me. I can get there. I know I can. I can't stop the triggers Life offers but I can cleanse and purify from the samskaras that get triggered. I can stop resisting their release.

So, I can learn to relax instead of resist when these samskaras start to do what they are wanting to do...come to the surface, be acknowledged, experienced  and then released. I am encouraging their release. A self-hypnosis practice might help. 

Diminishing the Pain Necessary for Healing

Does that mean it has to be painful? To some degree, I suppose, what is stored in pain will come up in pain. But...but I am wondering if it has to be as painful as the original wounding was?  Do we have to relive the trauma that caused the wounding in order to heal from it? Do we have to fall back into that dark abysss of story detail?  

I don't think so. We have to release the energy blockage  from the first three koshas: physical body, subtle body, and mental body that is preventing the shakti to flow freely. That is our goal, sure. I don't think, however, that we need to get stuck in the psychology of  memory recall and reliving trauma, (at least not until we have reached the point of learning to be undisturbed by everything).  That might even have an opposite and deterimental effect for many. It is not the memory and specific life details that need to be released but the energy blockage which is just basically a counter energy to Shakti. 

We also need, I believe, to look deeply into our core beliefs. We do not need to know exactly where they came from but we do need to know what we are truly believing and thinking at the deepest level (of the 3 koshas...the 4th kosha is beyond such limited thinking) to see how those beliefs are impacting our lives in a negative way. We need to release and replace these beliefs with more positive and life affirming ones.  This, I suppose, is where psychology might be beneficial.  So, this approach I am working on is combining physical exercise, energy work, psychology (namely some form of CBT),  mindfulness and meditation, relaxation through self hypnosis and, of course, yoga.  Well, it is all yoga from what I can see. 

Just One Step Forward Toward the Ultimate

This process is meant for the majority of us who still function as personalities, who have yet, to transcend beyond the level of  personal mind. It is not the final goal!  The ultimate goal is to get beyond personal mind to expanded mind, of course. For now, for most of us this transcendence begins with the "psychology"of yoga ...taming the ripplings of the mind. As long as we are full of samskaras...resisting and reacting because of them we cannot get beyond personal mind to transcended mind. Few humans are able to bypass this step and go directly into enlightenment. 

So, here I am working on this guided meditation that will hopefully make this process of samskara release somewhat easier. I am still just experimenting. Where do I experiment? In the laboratory of soul research-my own mind. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer ( July, 2025) Relax, Release, and Rise: The Real Work of Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5vOdH_e9cY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

 

Keeping It Simple

 

Life is very simple!

Michael A. Singer

How did we make what should be so simple, so complicated? Why are we getting so bothered by everything?

We live on an amazing planet full of miracles and jaw dropping experiences. And there is so little we have to do here but experience, enjoy, and appreciate all the miracles that unfold in front of us. 

Yet, we do not do that do we?  We complicate Life and make it difficult and too often miserable. We do not experience Life as it is...we try to make it something that suits the individual "me". We do not enjoy Life enough...we are too busy grasping what we think will make us feel better from it and resisting the rest.  We spend way too much time resisting Life rather than allowing it to be exactly as it is. We do not appreciate Life enough. We spend too much of our days complaining about it and creating stories or sticking to storeies in our minds that explain why we should not appreciate Life. We think and talk ourselves out of enjoying Life.

Crazy! 

Life isn't difficult. Life is just life. We make Life difficult!

We can all get bogged down in the small stuff from time to time, but when you move your thought processes into the "big picture" it puts things into perspective...Paul McKenna.

We can learn to work with our minds so it stops preferring, stops pulling us into the negative and limited stuff. This mind is amazing and it can do so many life enhancing things.  It is my new desire to work on this mind...more specifically...work with ( by piercing through) the first three koshas ( body, energy, and mind) to enhance this experience of Life.  Of course, the ultimate goal is to get beyond these first three focuses of the human experience and fall bak into Jnana and Ananda body (back into ego less wisdom, clarity, and Soul space).  Before we can do that we need to understand the body, energy and mind connection.  

Hmm! I am looking at hatha yoga, Tai Chi, pranayam, and body care to pierce through the blockages my body is creating. I am looking at energy work to pierce through the blockages in the second kosha. I am now looking into self- hypnosis and neurolinguistic programming to help pierce through the blockages (samskaras) in the mental body.  This to me is all yoga.  Yoga is all about unblocking so we can fall back into the deeper koshas in order to experience Life as Objective Observer, and deeper still into the state where shakti flows freely. Hmm! 

So much to learn and it is so exciting!

Paul McKenna ( 2023)  Freedom From Anxiety. Wellbeck: London

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True (July 14, 2025) Spirital Freedom Is Simpler Than You Think. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYfuesiP8wo&t=2199s

Learning to Welcome Reality

The life most of us live is just one big distraction.

me

I truly believe that the lives most of us build and live, no matter how "grand" or how "pitiful,  are distractions. Distractions from what?  Distractions from the truth of our inner worlds, distractions from reality.

??

Most of us spend these magnificent lives distracting from that which we stuffed and stored. We are constantly distracting from the discomfort that the samskara heavy beings, that we are, experience.

"If you have to do things to be okay, that means you are not okay."

Most of us spend these amazing lives we are here to experience creating personalities, life events, roles, and images that make us feel semi-okay inside. These external things and actions are merely distractions from having to deal with what is inside. That becomes the life we are living. It is not, however, the Life that is.  

We have decided somewhere along the way that the Life that is is too challenging so we set out to fix it, control it, make it better and more suitable to our insides. We set out to manipulate life so it doesn't disturb our insides by selecting what we allow in and what we keep out.  Everything we "do" to create that thing becomes a distraction from experiencing Life for what it is.

In order to truly experience Life we need to learn to let it all pass through us. To let it all pass through means we need to clean out the blockages (samskaras) from the inside so it can blow through. To clean out we need to be willing to look inside and release what is there. To do that we must be willing to go through some pain. 

Sigh! Opening to Life is a process and it begins with learning to relax into what is.

The following is a first attempt at a deep yogic relaxation exercise based on what I learned about relaxation over the years through psychology, yoga, and "self-hypnosis" (which is merely a deep relaxation that allows the unconscious mind take over for a while. I have been studying this for many years but recently rekindled this interest and read one of McKenna's books referenced below.) Though it doesn't address the "uncomfortable" it does take us inward beyond the messy psyche to the part of us that is always open, relaxed, and undisturbed. Accessing that, I believe, can allow us to find the peace we need to deal with whatever Life gives us...including the challenging process of samskara release.

Not perfect but you are welcome to listen:

All is well!

Paul McKenna (2023) Freedom From Anxiety. Wellbeck: London

Michael A. Singer ( July 19, 2025) Relax, Release, and Rise: The Real Work of Spiritual Growth. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X5vOdH_e9cY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Riding the Waves

You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.

Jon Kabat-Zinn

I am experiencing a sense of peace over the last few days - a sense of relief  and calm as the waves of life trough and settle back into calm waters. Sigh! It feels so nice.  I sleep better. I breathe better! I still the mind better!  

I know it will not last.  Waves crest just as often as they trough so I am sure something else will be coming my way soon enough. I did utter those words to the universe didn't I, in my quest for rapid purification, "Bring it on!"? And Man did it ever oblige by sending waves and some of them were doozies. 

But for now...this seas sick human I call "me" can just rest in the "what is" of this experiencing without being thrown around too much. She can breathe. Water is running through my taps again. The damage downstairs has been calculated- can live with it. My loved one is in detox - glory be. Looks like a piece of property has been sold to help us cover some of the debts here. I have become accustomed to the pain in my mouth and face so it no longer wakes me up or disturbs my life like it was doing.  It has, like the other bodily discomforts I experience, become background noise....for now.  I have decided to create a space of one month between my last dose of antibiotics and another. I will wait a month (2 more weeks) before I seek another. I am not sure I will go back there for the procedure yet but I will get it done somewhere. The environment here is a bit calmer too.  Chaos  has settled a bit but I still need to work on creating a healthier environment. I will.  I also notice how beautiful the world looks when things have calmed down, when the water is still. The world outside my windows looks greener, more vibrant, more bountiful, and more loving. Sigh!  I appreciate it so much. I love these times when the water stills a bit.

Still...I know I need the other. I need those crests in the waves just as much as I need the troughs.  I need the 10,000 sorrows just as much as I need the 10,000 joys. I am learning to surf.

I still say, though somewhat timidly lol, "Bring it on!" Purification is still my goal! 

I had this visualization the other day of my asking for a rapid cleansing. I seen the Universe coming in with a big bristlly brush to clean underneath my nails and in other tender areas. It is doing a thorough cleaning getting into the nooks and crannies. That brush is not comfortable! Let me tell ya....but when it stops to take a break..."Awe...sweet relief!" I enjoy that relief more. I do! I appreciate those moments of relief.  I am also learning to appreciate the painful cleansing...I am...maybe not as much as I appreciate when it stops for a while lol...but I appreciate it all. 

It is all good.  It is all so very good!

All is well. 

Between and Below the Physical and Mental Bodies

 There is no other teacher to you than your own soul.

Vivekananda

I believe that to be true. Do you?

According to many different studies I looked at over 80 percent of humans believe in a soul. Much less believe that there is a spirit or soul within them and of course, westerns may have a harder time believing such in comparison to those raised in Eastern wisdom traditions. 

So if I Namasted to a fellow western and said "The soul in me recognizes and honors the soul in you,"  they would likely look very strangely at me, utter a strained an awkward, "ugh...ya...same?" as they slinked away. 

Therefore, my constant sharing here that there really is no other teacher but the one within, likely receives somewhat of the same response? 

Understanding the presence of an inward soul is one thing. We can almost understand why that is hard to grasp with the materialist mind set that prevails in the west in comparison to those still adhering to the eastern wisdom traditions in which they were raised?  The soul is formless, invisible, and the most inner of all bodies. It is hard to make it tangible enough to understand it with a conceptual mind. 

Jnana Body?

Why though do we have such a hard time understanding the presence of  the bodies closer to the physical surface? Like the jnana body (as seperate from the mental body) that some poets, artists, brilliant composers, athletes in the zone, or people like Einstein tapped into, recognized, or wrote about? 

Energy Body?

Or even more bizzarre...why do westerns have such a hard time recognizing and accepting the presence of an "energy body" within the human being.  More people in North America report believing in a soul more than they report believing in the subtle energetic field of the body. 

Energy body, crazy lady? Really...you are going there?

The presence of an energy body is considered so "woo-woo" to many westerns. Yet, the energy body is taught by yoga to be the second kosha, squished so neatly between the physical  body and the mental body. There is no denying the presence of the physical and mental body, is there? Even the most staunch materialist will recognize there is a thinking, feeling, believing mind within the body!  Yet, so many westerns dismiss the idea of "energy" in the human being, calling things like acupuncture, Reiki, chiropractic, and even basic hatha yoga and pranayama quakery. 

How can a physicalist dismiss the presence of an energy body? Think about it.  The body is a complex electro-magnetic machine. All cells work to produce energy in its most basic form-ATP. All functions of the body depend on that ATP. The heart is an electrical conductor...every heart beat depends on an electrical signal. Blood would not be pumped out of the heart if there was no energy in the form of electricty in it. The brain which is the conductor of all other bodily function operates on energetic brain waves that can be picked up on devices that record electrical activity(EEG). Every sensation the body experiences is an energy output response to energy input. Energy enters the body in waves (light waves, sound waves, conduction etc) from the external environment through the sensory doors...and the body responds by sending another energy wave outward. It is all energy and its not deep within the spiritual realm of the human being making it so called "woo-woo related to spirituality".  It is right beneath the physical body!

Do this simple experiment that a former Tai Chi teacher got all of us students to do prior to every class:

Rub your two palms together really fast and with some friction for about 30 seconds. Close your eyes and slowly begin to pull your palms a part. What do you feel? I always feel the magentic pull. That's energy.

So, the energy body is right there...so close to the surface. Yet, we westerns by pass it...fail to recognize its significance and focus on physical and mental health at the exclusion of it. Recognizing its existence could lead to great healing! We can, for example, heal the body by unblocking the blockages that lead to physical dysfunction. We can also heal trauma without going to the mental body/ cognitive processes...without recalling and digging up the trauma details. 

Have you ever truly tried acupuncture? It works. More and more allopathic modalities are using it because it works. Have you ever been to a chiropractor? Their treatment plans may be more mainstream and semi-resembling that of allopathic medicine but still the practice itself  is devised from energy medicine. 

It just blows my mind how we westerners are so challenged to accept the presence of the energy body. I still have a hard time too because of my conditioning to utilize it fully but I am trying to be more open.  I am also aware that there are many charletons out there...that may not actually know what they are doing and that are using this "new age" healing title to reap their own egoic rewards.  We need to be careful of that.

I am exploring more and more the yogic understanding of this energy body...the chakras and the nadis...and the more I read and understand the more I see the connection between it and what I know about physiology. It truly is a science. 

Anyway...don't believe me.  I am not the teacher...your soul is.  Just be willing to explore what exists between and below the physical and mental bodies our western conditioning allows us to understand. You may be shocked to discover a greater healing potential.

All is well. 

"When it Rains It Pours" or Vairagya

 Vairagya (non-detachment)  literally means "colorless"....Every desire literally brings its own color to the mind. The moment you color the mind, a ripple is formed- just as when a stone is thrown into a calm lake, it creates waves in the water. When the mind is tossed by these desires one after the other, there won't be peace in the mind.

Satchidanada, page22

There is a commonly heard expression amongst us humans who depend on the outside world to open and close us to Shakti flow. You may have heard it?

When it rains,it pours.

It may be worthy of exploring as we learn more about the yogic term, vairagya.  

I heard myself uttering those words yesterday as I watched the water pouring from the ceiling in the basement....through the ceiling tiles and light fixtures down over  my head like rain doing an undetermined amount of damage.  My grandson was standing beside me and he said something about it raining inside. I nodded my head and said, "Yeah...when it rains it pours." and I just stood there getting soaked. 

Its been a day...another one after so many challenging days in the last little while. We lost our water for 36 hours.  Life without water in this house is challenging enough. On top of that, I have a loved one who epitimizes the "preferring mind" and whenever Life is not matching her needs perfectly...she resists and reacts big time to the point she is absolutely miserable to be around...She has an "It is all about me" attitude and when one is rushing around trying to problem solve one's way through a problem so all members in the household are impacted as less as possible, depending on teammanship and patience, one doesn't want to deal with that type of attitude.  I got attacked again and again for this unforeseeable problem and how difficult it made her life. I was also scheduled to look after my grandson for two nights and three days as his mother worked nights. I couldn't bring him here with no water so I went there.  She has a beautiful large dog who is way too hyper for  a stressed out human to deal with lol. He constantly jumps on ya, unintentionally scratching ya to pieces and knocking ya down.  I don't know how often he jumped into my face and my face, as I whined about before lol, is sore. Sigh! I never slept a wink between him, and the sore face, and the chills.  I could not get warm. I shivered all night. I was convinced that the infection had spread and that I was becoming septic on top of everything else. "Negativity breeds more negativity". I was  catatrophizing, let me tell ya. D. was left with the water problem without my help and he is in the midst of a COPD thing...O2 sats are way too low for my liking but he kept on like a trooper solving the problem.  In my "negativity" I forseen him going into respiratory arrest at the bottom of the well and both of us ending up in ER with life threatening situations. It was crazy negative. 

Anyway, my daugher had to sleep and I had to get my grandson out of the house before he discovered she was upstairs sleeping. Feeling the way I did ...was getting quite dizzy and weak...I couldn't drive him to the park like I promised.  I had to arrange for someone else to come and get us and take us home here so I could lie down if I needed to. Also, so I could see if D. was okay and to assist with the plumbing. I also needed to get away from the dog. lol (And I love dogs! So, it pains me to say that.) 

So, the house is in a frantic mess when I get home...dishes everywhere...bathrooms a terrible place to visit. We needed water!! So despite the way I felt, intensified by the heat and humidity, I did what I could to help D. pull pipes from the well etc while I kept my grandson entertained and away from the mess. It was exhausting...but ...after some trial and error...we got water back!!! Oh joyous day. 

 Automatically, with the gush of water through the taps I felt myself feeling somewhat better physically.  I suddenly had less dizziness and more energy. Why? I was opening to that flow already in me.  I was seeing that maybe Life wasn't out to get me...at least not all the time...which lightened the load on my shoulders. I felt less heavy. I truly felt better physically when I opened. I turned on all the taps to clear the pipes of air and debris both literally and figuratively. 

Then when my grandson and I were playing with his trucks...so much more 'relaxed and present' than I was, my daughter comes up the stairs, no less than 30 minutes later,  to say, "Why is water pouring from the ceiling?"  

My heart sank. I ran down to  the basement to discover sure enough...water was pouring from the ceiling.  I didn't have too much time to think about the universe playing another cruel trick on me... but I do know that core belief was once again activated. I was closing. I ran around instead looking for the source of the water...wondering if we broke a pipe somehow somewhere...after about 15 minutes of searching, I discovered that I left one of the taps on and the sink the water was pouring into was clogged. So,  30 minutes of water flow was pouring over the side of the sink and down through the floor boards into the basement apartment...like a mini Niagra Falls. Sigh!  

Once again, I shrugged my shoulders and looked up at the Source of all Life and said, "Really? I didn't have enough this week?" 

Then I remembered that word I had been reciting for days, "Vairagya". I remembered that I didn't have to judge all this as good or bad; right or wrong; should be or shouldn't be.  It just is.  It doesn't have to have a colour.  It is colourless or...maybe containing every magnificent colour of the rainbow all combined together to make no colour distinct. I remembered my mission to purify so I can remain open to everything Life throws my way. 

What does undconditional well being mean? It means you are okay with everything. You remain open to everything. Michael Singer

I don't want to reamin one of the many humans on this planet that recites that adage: "When it rains it pours".

In Longfellow's poem, it goes like this

My life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
It rains, and the wind is never weary;
My thoughts still cling to the mouldering Past,
But the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
And the days are dark and dreary.

I wanted to be one who knew :

Into every life a little rain must fall. 

or as Longfellow put it: 

Be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
Behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
Thy fate is the common fate of all,
Into each life some rain must fall,
Some days must be dark and dreary.

Wouldn't it be cool if we could do as Longfellow and Singer suggest (in a previous podcast): 

How would you like to know that no matter what happens to you for the rest of your life you will be fine?

That remembrance of my mission helped me, an hour later, when the carpet had to be removed and thrown out because of an unfixable mess the children had made...I was able to do so with great vairagya.

Yeah, that is where I want to be...so, I keep watching Life do what it does and my reaction to it; I keep allowing; I keep learning; I keep growing; and I keep opening. Sigh! Isn't always easy but I am committed. 

What about you?

All is well!

Your Daily Poem.com. The Rainy Day. https://www.yourdailypoem.com/listpoem.jsp?poem_id=147

Sri Swami Satchidanada (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Intregal Yoga: Yoggaville

Michael Singer / Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July, 2025) The Practice of Unconditional Openness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RpZ9_j12jU&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Internal Cleansing Sucks!

 Yoga is for internal cleansing, not external exercising. Yoga means true self-knowledge.

K. Pattabhi Jois

Whoever knew purification would be so challenging?

I am looking down into this big pit that opened up so stuff can come out and man, is it ever dark and negative in there. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty. I knew it wasn't going to be full of flowers, butterflies, or rainbows lol...but I guess I never expected this much darkness, this much heavy pain. No wonder why I stuffed it down in there really good and hid it from others and myself for so many years. 

Nasty!! Maybe it didn't start out so nasty but it is nasty now...let me tell ya! 

Its like I find myself staring down with my mouth opened realizing, "Wow! That's how I really feel about myself...how I always felt about myself and about Life?  No way...couldn't be. You think I would not have been able to hide it and deny it as well as I did over the years. And  the shame...wow...who would ever think there could be that much in one person? It is slithering around down there with all the other stuffed stuff  and it is so toxic and posionous. I am one sick cookie!" 

This negativity and dare I call it-self-loathing- is so toxic and posionous. It is now creeping up the walls of this pit and it is surrounding me.  It feels almost overwhelmning and suffocating at times. I knew purifications wasn't going to be easy but I wasn't expecting this.  So much "yuck" and pain at one time. 

I see other things in there too slithering around and hissing creating one big pile of "yucky" that I will have to deal with later - like fear (so much fear), pain, anger, helplessness, hopelessness (which to me is a good thing), and a strong desire to run as fast as I can in the other direction....or at least fill in that hole again with whatever I can find in a hurry. Sigh!

But as awful as that mess down there is...I am committed to looking in.  I am committed to sitting with whatever makes it up to the surface. I am committed to purifying...even if it kills me and it just might kill me.  The way my body feels right now with this summer humidity impacting my ticker, this crazy, bizarre mouth infection and wherever that is taking me, and all the other things-whatever they are and however they will turn out...sigh! 

Still, I am committed.  I am not running.  I am not pushing back down. I am not going to fill in that hole that Grace has opened. I am going to deal with whatever comes up.  

I am also not cra-cra enough to pull things up that are not ready to come up. No, I am just dealing with the things that come up to the surface on their own accord. One at a time.

I am not crawling down that hole either. I hear so many voices, so many messages, so many stories and memories calling me down to get lost in the detail. Nope! Not going there.  I do not need to remember everything. I just need to release the energy these memories were stored in. 

I am just going to sit up here on the most solid ground I can find these days...(and there isn't much of that either.  The earth seems to be rumbling beneath me with all the challenges thrown at me to trigger samskara release...like I am living on a fault line looking down into the mouth of a volcano...). Still, I am committed to just sitting here so I can deal with whatever comes up. Wish it was a bit easier to do that.

I recall hearing and reciting so often:

What is stored in pain comes up in pain.

I now know that to be true.lol. 

It is the shame induced negativity that has made its way up and that is sitting in front of me now.  I am looking at this core belief that I am not worthy and that Life does not have my back...infact that it is out to get me and make me pay for the sin of just being here. It is so much in my face now. (Such a gruesome core belief was inside me forever and finally has been revealed.) 

My mind feels contaminated with negativity. This negativity just seems to breed so much more negativity, making the Earth rumble and rumble causing whatever is inside to come up in slithering waves. Life is playing along. I have all these mini-crisis' showing up to deal with and they in turn stir up the stuff in the pit making it come up faster.  I have to deal with the pain, disturbance, unpleasantness of each crisis... as well as the pain, disturbance, and unpleasantness of stuff coming up from the hole in a double-whammy effect. 

Not fun!!!

An Example:

We now have no water because of a short power outage ...some bizarre cause leading to a 'coincidental' airlock leading to a dysfunctional footvalve and the inability to retreive water from the well. The last time we had this problem we had to dig up the well and replace the valve ...all and all it took us five days to figure it out and fix.  I hope to God it doesn't take another five days. Going five days without water may be what the Universe deems as a good trigger release but I am not sure I could appreciate that type of gesture right now lol. 

I now watch my mind go right to the biggest catastrophe with almost everything that unfolds in front of it. The core belief is directing the mind now.  I need to  have to have a sit down talk with this core belief, gently dismantle it of its power but it is hard to find the time to sit and listen. The Earth keeps rumbling throwing this human I call "me"  around from one little (or not so little) challenge to another, at the same time giving the belief more strength. 

Sigh! Oh big pathetic sigh!

At least, for now, I am back here watching it all go down. Watching this human look down into the pit, committed to dealing with whatever is coming up. Watching Life do what Life does as this human responds and reacts. I can't say it is a pleasant experience being this objective Observer but I do know it would be a lot less pleasant if I was down in the pit, or once again busy hiding and stuffing down what is in the pit.  That was exhausting.

I am committed to purifying. This, I am determined, is going to cleanse me and free me of "me" so I can live as the true-Self. 

It is all good. I know that, even if it feels like crap.  Purification is good thing. 

All is well. 

Concealing Wounds That Have Not Healed

 

It is the false shame of fools to try to conceal wounds that have not healed.

Horace

Face and jaw increasingly sore.  So is the palate area behind my teeth. It hurts to smile. Radiating to the ear. I woke up to this pain at 4 am and I automatically heard my ego saying, "This is crazy!How many people would this happen to?  Who, with a valve issue, waits up to six months with an infection like this in their mouth? Who gets wisdom teeth extracted that do not need to get extracted in hope of fixing a problem they are not even the cause of? Just you...you are the common denominator. How are you going to wait another 2 months with this infection? That just seems so bizarre.You are always waiting when it comes to seeking help for the body, aren't ya? Crazy things are always happening that prevent you from getting the help in a timely way. You must deserve it somehow...they must know you deserve it...it must be part of your karma for some shameful thing you did, are, or was. You  just don't deserve help and support when it comes to this body....or anything really. Remember how you were treated after the incident that took your family to court the other day . "Well you were not hurt. Are you sure you want to file for "no contact".  He is really remorseful and just wants to come home" (this from more than one system...even after the representatives were reminded that this was never his home and all you were seeking was safety and some type of protection (you didn't have a door anymore to hide behind after he knocked it down), as well as  trauma support for the kids.  Can't you see you are on your own. You'll never get the support you need.  You might as well just give up trying! Suck it up buttercup! That "it". of course is everything in your life. 

Boom! Boom!  Boom! 

There was Ego, at 4 in the morning,  knocking me around until I landed close to that big hole  I discovered in me  the other day, the one that was once hidden by all my previous defense mechanisms (falsely concealing many, many unhealed wounds). I felt that thing I noticed inside that day too...that dark, heavy cloud of shame swirling around and coming up to the surface. I was determined not to run away. I recalled voices and messages from my past trying to pull me down into this hole with detail and story....so many similar stories from the most recent shame experience  to the original wounding. I could see how shame was wrapped around almost every expereince in my life.  So much stuffed and stored pain in each memory that wanted to pull me along. So many voices, including my own, saying terrible things about this human I call "me". So many shadows doing awful things.  I felt the churning and swirling in my gut. It was awful at the same time I knew it was an opportunity. 

An opportunity, crazy lady?

This, I knew, was an opportunity for healing. I just took a deep breath and said , "No! I don't need to go there into story detail.  I just need to focus on this experience of shame that is rising up. I just need to feel the pain, not relive every story. It feels like crap! It is so dark and heavy but I need it to come up.  I need this dark swirling energy out of me. This trigger of pain I am experiencing in my face right now is helping to activate a shame cycle. That is a good thing. I won't run away and I won't let shame control me from the shadows.  I am calling it up." 

So I sat up to meditate. I sat with this experience.  I imagined myself sitting across from this swirling energy I tried to personify into a cartoon figure , making it less threatening...I pictured leaning forward in attentive listening mode on a chair across from this smokey flamey little entity that grew and shrank and grew again as it sat across from me in another chair. I pictured it in closed posture with little flamey arms crossed over its chest and its little smokey/flamey legs crossed as it leaned back away from me, rolling its smokey eyes, with a look of contempt and disdain on its face. It was angry that I pulled it up out of hiding. It was trying to intimidate me.  I remained kind and patient and compassionate with it, explaining that I knew it was only doing what it knew to do. I took responsibility for the way it turned out. I told it that I allowed my pain to become it and that it wasn't the monster I feared it was...it is just a very confused emotional energy that I allowed to hide for much longer than was good for either of us. 

I told it the very same same thing I told my crying and temper tantruming grandson the other day, "I hear and understand you are sad and frustrated right now because you cannot get what you want. Your feelings are very real and okay.  Cry if you need to. That crying will not work, however, in getting you the thing you think you want. I will just be over here when you feel you need a hug or decide you want to play with your cousins and I." My grandson  didn't get what he wanted but he didn't get reprimanded for feeling the way he felt either.  It didn't take long before he was running around and laughing with his cousins.

I am determined that this shame  isn't going to get what it wants any more- power and control over my life while it hides in the shadows.  I am confronting it. I will be compassionate with it but I will do my best not to get sucked into it. I will let it swirl and scream and cry on its own until it is done. I will do my best not to let its behaviour intimindate me anymore. I will not punish it or reprimand it for being where it is either. Sigh. It isn't easy but I am determined.

So, I sat with this and I did my best to breathe and relax into it.  What I was confronting was a vague collection of many things.  I kept pulling myself away from story and detail when it grabbed me and went back to relaxing with this smokey flame entity before me, "Just shame finally out of hiding"...I told myself over and over.  "Just shame."

Long ramble I know...but it helped me to write down these "experimental attempts and findings". I hope it helps someone besides this little "me" too. 

Now, what about the dental problem? Do I listen to ego who says, "Just suck it up"? No, I don't think so.  I can get another opinion. Maybe, waiting two months is not the best course of action. Or maybe it is the only option. I truly do not know.  Yeah, I can try to get another opinion. And I say that without any  "judgemental victim" in me (or at least I hope I do.) If a mistake was made, it is not my intention to make someone pay for it.  I can even understand how easy it would be to make such an error considering the way I deal with pain. I just do not want to end up with complications that could be avoided. I want to move forward through the shame, instead of retreat back to doing nothing because of it. I am ultimately responsible for this body. Sigh!

All is well.

Repeated Lessons

 Lessons in Life will be repeated until they are learned.

Frank Sonneburg

I deleted a big long spiel I wrote this morning about the rough day this human I call "me" experienced yesterday. We had to go to court as witnesses to the assault on our family in October 23...brought back lots of memories for all.  It was not pleasant. And I also had a dental visit that left me frustrated and fearing the finacial implication.  An infection that brought me to the dentist in April is still active despite all I had done...We realize now the surgery didn't address the original problem. So, this infection I "shouldn't have in my mouth for more than a couple of weeks"...has been festering for three months. My jaw is getting increasingly sore ...anyway...looks like I have to wait another two months and it will cost me more than the dental surgery did.  It will be out of pocket, as well, because I reached my max in insurance. That will hurt me financially more than I dare to even imagine. I can tolerate the discomfort in my mouth but I am concerned about the jaw and facial discomfort.  I am also concerned about the possibility of an IE because of my valve issue. Sigh! What am I to do? 

Suck it up buttercup.

Anyway...I did write a big story because I woke up at five with those types of thoughts on my mind. Mind was saying, "Listen to me...See how unlucky you are. You are meant to be challenged to get the appropriate and timely help for body issues.  You are meant to be challenged when it comes to money. You are meant to be challenged when it comes to keeping your family well and safe."

 I can't help but think I am riding some type of karmic waves.  One for health seeking; one for money; one for having to witness the suffering of loved ones. Repeated over and over again. Anyway, it is what it is.  Part of me ...for the most part...is just watching this "human I call 'me'" go through these experiences and this part is curious and finding it all interesting, "I wonder what will happen next?"

 Then there is another part of me that keeps getting sucked into the drama to the point that it is all it sees, to the point it  becomes the character with the sore face and dental problem it is having a hard time solving, it becomes the character dealing with a PTSD trigger in my family, it becomes the character that is broke and worried about having the money to pay for the most basic things let alone another dental procedure. Crap!  

As soon as I catch myself here...I pull away from what I have been staring at.  I remove the costume and I remind myself it all just an act I am playing. I remind myself that though the body is very important in this experience and it is my job to look after it...I am not the body. I am the being watching the human experience these body issues.  I am the being experiencing this human worry about money.  I am the being observing myself and family rsit in court and relive that scary night. Then I hear myself..."Oh these types of situations keep repeating for a reason.  I do not have to understand it. I just have to observe and experience it. I am kind of curious about what I will learn from this."

All is well. 

Wisdom from a Wise Teacher

 

Going to share what I learned today from Singer's podcast. Yes...I am copyig what I heard because I couldn't say it any better if I wanted to lol...And yes, I do listen to him a lot and I share his teachings a lot...After the question I answered on the You tube channel, I am getting paranoid lol. He is not my guru. I just really appreciate what he has to say. I see him as a wise teacher who appreaciates Yoga as much as I do. 

(Note some of these will be paraphrased rather than directly quoted).

You are not your mind, you have a mind

Consciousness is addicted to the personal mind so it is not that easy to step out of...

"I have a mind and it says different things at different times." [...is a good starting place]

Realize that you are noticing your mind....[ is another starting place]

"My job is not to change it, not to figure it out, not to be mad at it, not to say this part is spiritual and this part isn't. My job is can I sit in here and be okay with what it says....Can I be okay no matter what the mind says?"  [Good question to ask self]

You are not going to stop the mind...

Use your analytical mind to examine and observe the personal mind

[ but don't analyze or get lost in story, thoughts, or emotions...just be aware of what personal mind is doing...]

Stay back here and notice...

Get to know the unknown...

Mind is not worth listening to...lean away from the direction of your mind

All is well!

Michael A Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July 7, 2025) Release the Meaningless Moments that Create Personal Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYIipW3pnzg&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Sanskrit Terminology and Purification

 All the problems in the world are due to the fact that people are not okay inside...

If you keep stuff in there it is going to ruin your life ...it is going to block your energy flow and you are going to suffer...

Michael A. Singer

Yes! I am quoting Michael Singer again lol. I just like the way he explains things that already make so much sense to me. His teachings are right where I am at in my learning. So, it really hits home.

He often says that we are not okay inside because we  supress -stuffed and stored -painful emotional energy related to events we had a hard time dealing with.  We have therefore blocked the energy flow of shakti. We do not feel the joy that comes from inside (on the other side of this blockage) because we blocked it. The greatest life goal we can undertake then...the greatest yogic goal...is to purify, get rid of those blockages. Hmm!

Is this idea new to Singer's teaching?  

No! It comes from ancient yogic teachings as Singer explains again and again.

Sanskrit Words Related to Purification

I am going to introduce you to some cool sounding words related to this idea of stuffing and storing, blocking our energy. These words are in the ancient language of yoga: Sanskrit.  I have learned these words from studying "The Yoga Sutures of Patanjali" translated and interpreted by Swami Satchidananda. I loved this book when I first read it. I loved the message. Satchidananda, I discovered later, despite his eloquent name which comes from 'Sat Chit Ananada' given to him by his guru Sivananda Saraswati, might not have been the perfect messenger for the beautiful, life enhancing message. He had several counts of allegations against him for sexual abuse and many state that his ashrams had cult-like tendencies. Sigh! Discovering this has reinforced my rational or irrational (not sure which) caution when it comes to gurus and my obsession with cults. 

Anyway, despite that, I love the way he used words and explained the meaning of Sanskrit words in context to yogic philosophy...which includes purification from samskaras. 

Please note I do not get the sanskrit alphabet on this computer so it will appear that the words are lacking accents and other symbols. 

Purification

Let's start with purification and what it does for us.

Mana eva manusyanam karanam bandha moksayoh.

This beautiful Sanskrit expression translates into "As the mind so the person; bondage or liberation are in your own mind." page 5

Purification sets us free from the prisons we are in. What are we imprisoned by? The disturbances we add to our minds. 

Yogas citti vritti nirodhah.

Yoga is restraint of modifications of the mind-stuff. page 3

What exactly is in our mind?  Citta- the mind or mind field which is innately undisturbed and peaceful...like a clear lake. Vrittis- modifications of the mind's peaceful state (ripples on the lake) including ahamkara which is the ego or "I" feeling; the buddhi which is the intellectual mind and the manas which is the desiring part of the mind.  Citta vrttis then means modifications of the mind-stuff that disturbs peace.  Yoga is all about stilling that lake, returning it to peace by restraining (nirodhah)the modifications that stir up the mind. 

These vrittis are desire, the need for and attachment to conceptual knowledge, and an ego focus (pulling the mind into the "little me" focus). 

Purification, then, is getting rid of these disturbances...cleansing the mind of them.

Let's look more into these disturbances, these blockages that cause so many ripples; that prevent the mind from being still in its purest form.

Samskaras and what we tend to do with them

Samskaras are stored mental impressions and memories that we have stuffed inside. In Book 1-16 Satchidananda refers to them as unhealthy habits we may desire returning to. From there he describes what we tend to do with the rising of samskaras.

We supress and repress which in Sanskrit is narodha parinamah. 

"The impressions which normally arise are made to disappear by the appearance of suppressive efforts, which in turn creates new modifications. The conmoment of conjunction of mind and new modification is narodha parinamah." 

" The flow of nirodha parinamah becomes steady thought habit." pg 169

Say what crazy lady?

The more we push down, the more we create "problems" for the mind. We create more mental modifications and ripples on what should be still, clear, and peaceful. The concentration, the thinking component of the mind (of consciousness) gets drawn down into these disturbances we created. Our focus, "the steady thought stream", goes to not disturbing the samskaras inside. We get so distracted by the mess we made, we do not see the clear mind beneath it.  We do not feel what Singer calls shakti flow and what Satchidananda refers to as prana and Kundalini (which are both manifestations of the divine creative force of shakti).

 Prana is the cosmic force without which nothing moves of functions, page 149

God is even more sensible and has given us a reserve tank that is hundreds of times greater than what we use normally.  This is called Kundalini or the "coiled force." 

He goes on to warn us about trying to rouse the Kundalini prematurely when we are not yet prepared to handle that energy flow. He assures that it will open on its own at the proper time. " At the proper time, this reserve is released automatically. One shouldn't awaken it prematurely by practicing difficult or violent breathing exercises."...149

So, we have samskaras, stored mental impressions, because we suppressed and repressed at the bidding of our mental modifications: ego, desire, and intellect. Then this samskara protection creates even bigger problems and that becomes our focus. We made a mess inside. How do we avoid adding to this mess and how do we  clean up= purify? 

Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tannirodhah...page 18 These mental modifications are restrained by practice and non-attachment.

Vairagya is non-attachment. This word actually means "colorless". This is where Singer's idea of "preference" being the cause of all our problems and Buddhas Second Noble Truth comes into play. If something is colorless it is neutral, it doesn't create desire. 

Most of are bound by our mayas: desires... always craving and seeking, grasping and clinging for things we desire from the outside world. Satchidananda tells us as practicing yogis...learning to detach from these things is more important than our sadhanas. "Every desire binds you and brings restlessness. " He goes on to say that we cannot be free from desire all together, but we can be free from personal and selfish desire. 

Unlike Singer, he talks a lot about the joy of renouncing everything. I get tripped up by Satchidananda's words here: 'The more you serve, the more happiness you enjoy.' knowing full well that if those allegations are true, he didn't really renounce anything, did he? He made others renounce and "serve" him in unwholesome ways.  Anyway, Singer teaches that renouncing everything is often equivalent to supressing and repressing in an unhealthy way. Maybe, at one point in his spiritual life, Satchidananda truly set out to authentically renounce his participation in certain acts but he "supressed" instead which led to a whole lot of problems in the long run.  IDK how these leaders with such life enhancing messages can get lost in such deviant acts. 

Anyway, this is what came out of me today. It is good to know, though, regardless of what language it comes to you in, that we really do not need to do much to purify except be willing to let it happen. 

The world is perfect. It will unfold in just the right order. 

The stuff will be brought up just in accordance of what you are capable of letting go of 

Keep letting go...

Michael Singer

All is well. 

Michael Singer/ Contemplative Minds (June, 2025) Spirituality-Releasing the Root Cause of Inner Disturbance. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=88tL7vUgocs

Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Publications

Facing the Ultimate Samskara

Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering....

Trauma is a fact of life. It doesn't, however, have to be a life sentence.

Peter Levine

Even though I have been gradually moving away from hope's confusing trance for quite some time now, I always start the summer all 'hopeful' for months of fun, excitement, and rest. By the time July hits, however, I suddenly 'remember' how hard Summer is on this body and therefore this mind. Humidity just wipes me of my physical oompf. Though it happens every single summer, it surprises me to realize how heavy outside and inside I feel because of it. 

When your body is healthy you never have to think about it. When you are healthy mentally you are free to enjoy every moment of life. Michael Singer

I do not enjoy every moment of Life in the summer months. I do not experience joy, excitement, or rest because hope like the light air in a balloon dissipates in this humid atmosphere and this "me" that was the casing holding hope inside also deflates. I feel myself shrinking, shrinking, and shrinking, involuting into myself. I literally feel the heavy weight around me just squishing it all in. What humidity is really doing is taking me to the core by eliminating the remaining hope that keeps me from my center. This pressure takes me to this thing within my core I have been running from, that which needs to be released. 

There is nothing affecting your inner state but you. Michael A. Singer

This morning I woke up and I had the full experience of it for the first time. What is the "it" that made itself known? It was that which I was burying for years; that which I was protecting from triggers; that which I was running from through constant busy thought and activity; that which was hidden by layers and layers of hope for something different; and that which I didn't dare look at or think about let alone "touch" and "experience. " Suddenly there it was, staring up at me. I seen it...I felt it...I experienced it. 

"Oh My God...that is what is inside me?" 

It seemed so unbelievable.

What we can change inwardly, will change our reality. Plutarch (Platonist Philosopher and author of "Parallel Lives".) 

 It was so deep and dark. My psychology-oreinted mind deemed it as overwhelming sadness, grief, and hopelessness that was heavy and all consuming, like some deep sink hole that wanted to pull me all the way in.  I mean, I was always sinking into it but in my resistance, I was thrashing around so much I managed to stay on the surface of it. I was able to keep my head -my mind- up and away from it so I didn't have to see what was pulling me down. This morning, however, I looked down and I seen it. I just shook my head in surprise upon realizing that amount of darkness was inside me. My thought was, "I never thought I was that sick and sad; that broken." 

Wounds don't heal the way you want them to; they heal the way they need to. Dele Olanubi

I reflexively looked away, but it was too late.  I had already seen, felt, experienced what was there in my core...like a malignant tumour. There was no going back from that. I had to move forward on this healing journey.

After a failed attempt at resistance, I settled into the reality that this malignancy was there inside me. I felt exactly where it was in my body. 

The body remembers. Stuffed until an event, a sound, a sight, a touch, a word, or a person awakens them. Unknown

Gradually, I came to terms with that fact that I was exactly where I have to be: experiencing it. No more hiding it, no more running from it, no more distracting from it. I have to see it.  I have to touch it.  I have to acknowledge it.  And, I have to allow it, even appreciate it and honor it?  (Or at least appreciate the experience of finally being at the point of this excavation process where I can see what is really there in the form of my biggest, most life-shrinking samskara.) 

On a positive note...I see now how I have come so far in this purification process. This samskara was once buried under so many layers and now I have (or Life has) dug right down to it. It is obvious to me that I have released so much of the pain and distraction that was once stuffed and stored on top of this thing. I have unburied it so it can begin its release.

We dig a well and create a huge pit. The space in the well or pit has not been created by us. We have just removed the earth that was filling the space there. The space was there then, and it is also there now. Similarly we just have to throw out all the age-long sanskaras (innate tendencies) which are inside us. When all of them have been given up, the Self will shine alone. Ramana Maharshi

It is a doozie of a samskara, let me tell ya. It is kind of terrifying to even look at it. All the memories that formed it are not there, thank God.  I don't think they have to be. I just have to acknowledge this big ball of dark emotional energy that was controlling my life from the shadows for so very long. It is so big and overwhelming. The light on the other side of it was unable to come through in anything but trickles. So, in order to survive in this darkness, I focused on building a house, a world of pseudo happiness with artificial lighting, on top of its sand. What I experienced to date as joy and love was only what this dim artificial light of hope offered and by looking outward to find the furnishings for this house I built.  It wasn't real. It wasn't strong enough to last.

But everyone who hears these words of mine but does not put them into practice is like the foolish man who built his house on sand. The rains came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, and it fell with a great crash. Matthew 7: 26-27 NIV

Obviously, the true light beneath came through just enough to encourage me to begin this journey inward. I felt directed to tear down the house I built on sand and dig down into what was below it.  My learning is now telling me that I do not have to dig anymore...I do not have to reach down with an excavator to pull this thing up from the hole. I just have to be willing to allow it to make its own way up and out...to sit with it as it does that, to acknowledge it, to feel it, experience it, forgive it, honor it, embrace it, and let it go. I want it up and out of me.  I want it gone. I am willing to go through the pain of sitting with it until it is gone. Sigh!

I have put away my wish and hope for summer to distract me with adventure, excitement, and a special kind of rest.  I accept what it does to my body and mind.  I even appreciate it because I see now that it takes me inward to where I need to be. I am not so much focusing on getting to all the Shakti in the form of light and love that exists on the other side of the samskara I am facing.  I am just concentrating on healing, on facing this samskara and sitting with it...trusting that doing so will put an end to that which was determining my life to date. I just want the healing peace I somehow know freedom from this samskara will bring.

Experience, in and of itself, is your teacher...you are now holier than you were before because you experienced it. Michael A. Singer

So ...instead of habitually pulling away from this that I am now seeing I am preparing myself for a summer of sitting with it.  I begin with, "Hello pain...you have been hidden away in here for quite some time, haven't you? I apologize for stuffing you away for so long. I was just afraid. I didn't know how to cope with you. I am still not sure how, but I am willing to get to know you now, see you, hear you, experience you until you are ready to move on. I want to be holier than I was before, by finally experiencing you."  

All is well. 

Where did the quotes come from?

• Michael A. Singer/ Seats of Contemplation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJuLquvJ-y4
• declutter the mind: 100 + PTSD quotes to help survivors: https://declutterthemind.com/blog/ptsd-quotes
• AZ Quotes: Samskara Quotes: https://www.azquotes.com/quotes/topics/samskara.html
• bible gateway: https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew%207%3A24-27&version=NIV

Already Within

...according to the Advaita, this freedom is not to be attained, it is already ours. We only forget it and deny it. Perfection is not to be attained, it is already within us.  Immorality and bliss are not to be acquired, we possess them already; they have been ours all the time. 

Vivekananda

Advaita is a non dualistic school of thought that comes from Vedanta.  It proposes that the only and ultimate reality is Brahman and Brahman is the unchanging essence of all existence. 

What "freedom" is the above quote referring to?

Freedom from the limitations of body and mind. .

If you dare declare you are free, free you are this moment. If you say you are bound, bound you will remain.

All is well.

Vivekananda (n.d.) 2.6.4 Practical Vedanta : Part 4. Complete Works. Kindle

Removing Bandaids and Blockages

Life is a blockage removal process...you don't have to do anything.  Just don't resist.

 Michael A. Singer

When we first realize that this seeking to make okay by grasping, clinging, and pushing away the reality of life circumstance doesn't work...the magic elixer of hope becomes nothing but swamp water. Without hope which is like articifial lighting in comparison to the brilliance of the sun... everything suddenly seems dark and foreboding, the mess inside seems so much bigger and so much deeper. We have this realization of not okayness inside and we may feel we have no way out. (This is the 'dark night of the soul', often described as a very important part of spiritual growth.) 

"Reality sucks!! You mean I got to suffer like this...I have to live in this dark, heaviness hopelessness provides? " 

Yeah. but only until we tap into the brilliant sun within. 

What the Fork, crazy lady?

Getting to the point where we are willing to go without hope and the external bandaids we have been collecting over the years to fix and hide what is not okay inside is a process.  It takes a great deal of waking up and courage to get to the point where we are willing to face what we have been running away from all our lives and to go without  light for a while. It takes a great deal of committment to remove external coverings and go within.  Knowing that this light we have become so dependent on is an artificial, external light, nothing in comparison to the brilliant light of the sun...might help us to get to this point of removing bandaids.

Removing bandaids?   

Singer reminds us that we are "not okay" because of a lack of bandaids. He describes bandaids as being what we seek from the external world to make us feel okay inside: the perfect job, the perfect relationship, perfect financial abundance, perfect health, = the  perfect light. It is the hope of getting these things.  These bandaids are what we erronously assume are the solutions to our so called brokenness but they do nothing more than cover and constrict. They keep us from experiencing who we truly are. 

You are not okay because you are blocked 

You don't find God you keep working on removing the blockages that keep you from experiencing that you are God. 

Underneath the bandaids we have blockages inside that need to be removed. We really do not need to do anything but allow the brilliant light of God to melt all the exterior stuff away so we remember who we are.

When Singer started talking about bandaids I was  instantly reminded of a poem I wrote many years ago entitled " Ego Dressings"

Ego Dressings

We are told that we are broken,

and are instructed to look away

as “wound coverings”  are applied

so expertly

by Ego’s competent hands.

With what seems like loving patience,

it hides the wounds

that it, itself, has made.

 Plaster and  gauze

is applied

layer,

by layer,

by layer,

creating a thick

and life absorbing dressing

over who we really are.

It looks neat.

It looks secure.

It looks like it will protect,

our vulnerable flesh from

the dangerous world around us.

So we do not dare to peek at

what lay beneath,

at what we are told

by Ego’s hissing reprimands

is ugly and infected. 

 Yet the dressing is so tight

and restricting,

limiting our movement ,

preventing the life blood

from  turning our beings pink

with new growth,

making our bodies throb with pain,

while offering no hope of healing.

 

Something within tells us to

remove each layer…

though it stings to do so .

Something guides us to expose

the hidden flesh

to the air

that longs to caress it.

 

We gingerly push

Ego’s prying hands aside

and we remove the dressing

bit by bit,

piece by piece

 until what lay beneath can be seen,

until it can breathe,

until we can look down to  see

that no wounds were ever there.

 

“Nothing real can be threatened.

Nothing unreal exists.

Therein lies the peace of God.”

©Dale-Lyn 2018

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( July 3, 2025) Allowing Life to Remove Your Blockages. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FEt3ZwjA2Po&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1