Moving from the Addict's "What If?" to the Higher Self's

 Can you do better with your mind?

Michael Singer ( Have this question down in my notes and assume that it comes from him. :))

Most of use the "what if?" question to serve the neurotic ego.  We listen to that part of our personal mind that wants to protect this self concept it convinces us we are. ..and we react to the life circumstances that have happened, are happening, and even to  what could happen... as we respond to the big "What if?".  "What if that mistake I made ten years ago  becomes known by all these people I am talking to now?  What if they all reject me because of it? What if my future is ruined because of it?" 

"What if"...is a dealers tool to get the addict using and to keep the addict using. The dealer will convince the addict that the answer to all their problems lies in the product they offer.  They convince the addict that they, as the dealer, will supply (at cost) what they need to feel safe, peaceful, and happy if they do what is needed. At first...they make access to the drug so easy. Then once the addict is hooked...they make the addict live off of the "What if I can't get what I want and need?" fear. The addict believes the dealer and will do what is ever necessary to get the drug.  The addict appreciates the dealer for leading them to the safety and the high they get in their substance. Then they begin their journey of  craving, seeking, and needing. Feeling so great when the thing is attained and in the system...feeling so sick when it isn't. Always compromising with the dealer, the addict is constantly pulled in this sick relationship.. Each high is only temporary.  It doesn't last.  It is conditional...only fueling this "I want, I need, I crave, I will do anything mentality". The addict lives with the fear, "What if I can't get what I want...what if I get what I don't want ( the pain of withdrawal)". It is a terrible cycle.

Well as Singer reminds us, we are addicted to our minds in the same way the heroin addict is addicted to their drug.  We listen, believe, and move according to the egoic mind's  "What if" mantra. We believe the dealer in our heads that tell us we need certain things in order to be okay...that we need to deny, or resist certain aspects of Life that keep us from feeling good.  The mental dealer convinces us that it knows best and we believe. We live in a perpetual state of "What if I can't get that thing I want to make me feel better inside?"  "What if this or that happens that makes me feel worse inside?" 

We are addicted to our mind and we care more about the thoughts in the mind and this idea we created than we do for our bodies. Michael Singer often uses the example of "Hamilton" to show how men used to dual to the death over an insult to their character-who they thought they were based on some mixed up concept of  "honor".  

We don't have to be addicts. We do not have to listen to the dealers. We should know by now how they tend to lead us into the craving cycle...how anything they offer us is so conditional and temporal...not lasting.  We are not the egoic parts of our mind.  We are not our thoughts. We are not the self-concepts we created.We need to counter the egoic mind's "what if"  with a more positive "what if" coming from the higher part of us.

Huh? 

Right now, as thought addicts, we feel so dependent on the egoic mind for protection. We feel like victims to life and our only option for semblance of control or happiness is to listen to and follow the mixed up directions of our thinking.  We really adhere to the sick "What if's" of the egoic mind. 

Recovery takes time...it will take time to break away from this dependency but in the mean time there might be something we can do.

What if we begin changing that "what if" to something more positive?  What if instead of applying the 'what if'  in front of all the terrible things that could happen to our bodies, or our minds...our self concepts, if Life doesn't behave the way we assume it should... we applied to it some deeper and more life affirming scenario.  What if we began with, "These Life circumstances are exactly what I chose for my growth.  I don't have to listen to any dealers in my mind. I don't have to live in fear of "what if" "

Anyway, I will get back to this in a bit.

All is well in my world.

Dr. Sue Morter. (2019) The Energy Codes. Atria: New York

Michael A. Singer ( April 7, 2025) You Are Not your Thoughts: From Mental Noise to Inner Peace.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP56tHfI0PA&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Answers from Birds?

 A bird does not sing because it has an answer; it sings because it has a song.

Maya Angelou

I watched the birds for a few minutes when I woke up.  There were flocks of Yellow Grossbeaks, a few Jays and some Chickadees filling the bare trees with their bodies and their song. They seem to intentionally make their appearance obvious to me, some mornings.  

It had snowed last night and their food was covered.  They needed someone to go out and swoop off the snow and refill the feeder.  D. offered to do so.  As he was getting ready, a pair of mourning doves landed on a wire outside my window and I almost swear they were looking in at me trying to tell me something lol. All spring and summer we hear the mournful callings of these lonely birds as they search for their mate ...but this morning I seen two happily sitting together staring in at me. What wisdom were they trying to share with me as I contemplate my own relationship, I wonder. 

All is well!

Falling Back into Resignation or Moving Forward into Power and Acceptance?

 ...we see life as happening to us and believe we can't have an impact. We are completely unaware of ourselves as influencers and creators and therefore feel a strong sense of fatalism and resignation. We believe we are unable to do what we want because of opposing outside forces that seem to be beyond our control. ...We may simply be going through the motions, believing this is what we have to do, because this is the way life is. 

Dr. Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 28

A pretty gloomy way to start an entry? Maybe...but it is this passage from the book that opened me up. I read it and instantaneously I was shouting out to my cats, (who at this point are very worried about my mental health and therefore my ability to continue to provide them their back scratches, meals and snacks at the times they have me scheduled to do so), "Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank you!".

You see, there was one word in there that made all the difference...that showed me where I really was on this waking up journey.  

Let me explain ...

Do you remember what it was like to stumble over a very long and complicated math equation...never quite being able to get the answer and not sure what you were doing wrong (well...that was the story of my life when it came to math but..).  You thought you were following all the steps correctly but you just couldn't arrive at the right answer.  Someone comes along and erases all the stuff down to the first or second part of the equation. They show you where you were making your mistake and tell you to start from there...and there is this sense of "aha! I see now."  Well,  it was like Dr. Sue Morter erased this equation I was working on for years down to where I was making the mistake and I can now see a way to the correct answer. How did she do that? She used the word...one word... that pened up the equation for me. What was that word?  Resignation. I read that word and I could suddenly see that I was mixing up "acceptance" with "resignation". That was the one thing that was not letting me move forward.

Acceptance is not Fatalistic Resignation

I do believe in the need for acceptance of Life as She is. I believe we need to open and allow what unfolds in front of us to pass through.  I see so clearly how resistance to what is, is the biggest problem in a human's Life. We need to learn to let go and accept! That acceptance, that allowing, that embracing Life without resistance is not, however, the same as fatalistic resignation. I was confusing the two. I was thinking I was advancing quite far  in this living equation because I seemed to be resigning to whatever Life threw my way  but no matter how hard I worked at this equation doing it this way, there was never any  proverbial check marks or gold stars...just a lot of "Try again". I couldn't get past the sense of  "suffering". 

Why? Because I was resigning to this tagline:

"Life is happening to me, and I have no control over it. This is just the way life is." page 28 

I became aware that was confusing the beautiful power of acceptance with victimhood and giving up. That meant realizing that I was not as advanced on this journey as I thought I was.   I thought I was especially advanced because I had recognized my attempts at redeeming the "little me/ ego/ or what Sue Morter calls, "The Protective Personality" as being fruitless and counterproductive to my mission. So, I gave that up. I didn't, however, give up my sense of helplessness. I was not going to arrive at the correct answer the way I was going. I see how necessary it is to come back to this point before I can go farther. 

Three Stages: Victimhood, Self- Help, and Creatorship.

You see, Sue Morter explains that there are three stages to waking up (to answering this big life equation) . Two stages are on the back side of a coin and one is on the front side. The first stage, on the back side,  is called "Victimhood" and is centered around this fatalistic resignation and what I see as "learned helplessness". It is a stage of languishing and "stuckness" where I am realizing I still am. Sigh.

The second stage, on the back side of the coin, is the "Self-help" stage.  This is a stage where I spent most of my life trying to redeem my little self ...

"Instead of being resigned victims we get the idea that something could change; we could be happier or healthier or more respected and honored. "...if we do this or that and keep working hard. 

Sure, Life is still happening to us in this stage ...but we convince ourselves if we work really hard we can fix it and us.  We feed and build the ego here.  I see this as the stage where "Redeemer Ego" flourishes and we have a psuedo sense of approaching success (which is peace, freedom, happiness)...never quite get it and if we do it is conditional and short lived...but hope pulls us along. It is a very problem centered stage. It is also a stage of resisting what is. 

So, I realized somewhere along the line that stage two is not the stage to be in.  I realized I didn't want to feed an ego.  I also realized that resistance was not the way to go.  I knew acceptance of what is was the true way to go. I didn't, however, recognize this truth as a powerful high energy human.  I still don't completely. My mind keeps telling me that Life is still happening to me and I believe it.  So instead of moving into acceptance of what is in a state of free flowing shakti recognizing its power (which is stage 3 of the coin on the front side), I slipped back into stage one mistakenly thinking I was moving on because I was accepting Life. I was settling into a limited experience of helplessness again. Peace...in the form of a certain freedom from at least some of the suffering... was my polestar. I was not accepting Life as it is from a state of realizing who I truly was.  I was slipping back into a state of resignation as a powerless victim and using some of those tools I learned in stage 2 to "make the best of it". Sure, there is less angst here, less resistance and struggle than there was the first time I was here, or than there was in stage 2...but there is still a sense of suffering and a "life struggle". I am not touching shakti. I haven't solved the equation.  And I won't here. 

Not Yet There

Sigh. That was a big realization for me. There are times I conceptually and intellectually step into the third stage. I see a melting away of my 'Protective Personality', albeit slowly. I do accept  the circumstances of my life and find myself less and less labelling them as "good/bad; right/wrong/ or should/ should not be." I do often find myself in profound gratitude for life and all its mysteries. I know that I am not my mind or body....but...

I lack the trust and faith that Life has my back. I don't embody or holistically ascribe to the tagline:

"Everything that happens in my life is always in my favor, and I created it on some higher level of my own consciousness for the purpose of discovering my own magnificence." page 32

I have yet to get to this point:

...we must go beyond knowing intellectually that we are energy or spirit, and actually embody our energetic or spiritual nature. We must literally bring our energy to life in the physical body and identify as that energy. page 32

My life doesn't yet  reflect this knowing.  There is some stuck and twisted up energy reflecting itself in my circumsatnces. I need to switch out the resignation for a higher energy form of acceptance. I see that now.

I am grateful to have the top part of my equation erased so I can see where I have erred.  It is good to be honest with ourselves and to recognize and know where we are at, so we can take the next best step on to the right path to where we want to be.

All is well.

Dr. Sue Morter ( 2019) The Energy Codes.  New York: Astria.

What I learned from a Michael Singer Podcast

 

You are a being of Light!...It is not mystical! It is real!

Michael Singer

OMG ! I loved when I heard Michael Singer begin his podcast today by saying that he didn't like  the "Law of Attraction." I knew instantly ...I would get something from this video. I knew it would speak to this that I am beyond the "me" today.  And it was exactly what I needed to fall back a little farther, away from ego,  into this "I am".

I discovered recently that my awakening process, albeit a slow one lol, involves the use of my intellectual mind. For some reason, I cannot just "feel" truth ...I have to understand it and know it first. Words, concepts, teachings  are a part of that process for me. (Not sure if that is because I spent so much of my life learning in and out of the educational system or because I spent so much of my life teaching in one way or another). As limiting as these things might be they are pointers to a greater truth within me that can only be felt and experienced. So, I bombard myself with these pointers...seeking, seeking; finding teachers who make sense to me...and then filtering teachers and teachings from my life experience as I process the direction these pointers are taking me. I am very selective. 

Though I begin with concepts I don't follow the pointers unless "I feel" what is being said, unless it resonates with something within me.  When a concept, idea, or teaching resonates in me...I feel and I experience it viscerally.  When I have an "aha moment", learning something I already knew but forgot, I  literally vibrate a bit from my solar plexus outward.  It makes sense to my gut brain I guess. I find myself straightening up saying to the air in front of me, "Yes!  Yes! Thank you! Thank You!" 

As I was listening to Michael Singer this morning, I felt that vibration. For sure...he is a teacher for this that I am beyond the "me". I knew that from the first chapter of "The Untethered Soul".  I guess his intellectual and practical approach matches my intellectual and practical approach.  I feel we are on the same wave length, if that doesn't make me sound 'grandiose'. Still, I know he 'teaches' me from a place I have yet to touch, because I have so many "aha moments" with him....that lead me closer to that place. Today was one of those days where I fell  back a little deeper into the "I am". 

 I also felt a twinge of that 'spark'...if you want to call it that... the other day when I was listening to Dr. Sue Morter speak to Andre Duqum in a podcast. I found myself on my feet shouting, "Yes! Yes! Yes! Thank you!  Thank you! Thank you!" My cats thought I was crazy. I could feel that vibration in my gut...that feeling so much like 'hope' but more powerful and less ego related. I orderd her book.

I was getting ready to "test the teacher" like I did with so many others. At the same time I heard Michael Singer say, "Why do you want to play with energies. If you can't handle your life now, how are you going to handle all that energy flowing through you?" (or something like that.) I felt myself questioning and cautious. Still, I was going to test the teaching and teacher by reading the book. 

My practical intellectual mind has to be convinced first.  So, as I began to read I found this mind soothed by the great writing, the clear articulaton of concepts, and the teaching itself. I began to underline. I underlined and underlined and underlined stuff that clicked. I began to "feel" the truth of what she was saying. It wasn't new stuff...just a new approach to understanding it.  I even had an "aha moment" that cleared up sooo much confusion I have had about something for so long. ( I will share in another entry). I felt my belly vibrating and myself saying to the air, "Yes! Yes! Thank you! Thank You!"

What cemented it for me was when I opened up Michael Singer's podcast today and he was speaking to the same thing I was reading in the book. Serendipity! It was like a sign from him and/or the universe, if you will, saying, "It's okay! This teaching and teacher are okay! They showed up exactly when you needed them to for a reason.  They will take you a step deeper away from ego and into Self ( Soulful Self). " 

And I am filled with this "hope-like " feeling again.

Spoiler Alert!!

Wow! Anyway I am just going to quote, summarize, and paraphrase  what I heard in the podcast today.  Please listen to the podcast for yourself before you go on any farther! 

Michael Singer began by introducing the "law of attraction" and his feelings about it.  Then he relayed two stories of serendipity. 

The first story: Michael Kane wanted to read from a very rare book instead of a script for a part he was playing in a school play. (The play was written from this book). He was looking for the book everywhere in London, going from store to store, and couldn't find it. It was very rare. One day, after an exhausting search, he went down to the subway station waiting for the tube. He sat down on a bench and looked down and there was the exact  book he was looking for. 

The second story: In 1973, Michael Singer picked up a hitch hiker in his VW van and took him quite a distance.  On the drive they spoke about the picture of Yogananda Singer had on his dash. Eventually, the hitch hiker was dropped off .  A decade or so later Michael Singer had to travel to Boston for work.  Hungry, because he hadn't eaten all day, he found himself that evening searching through Harvard alley for a vegan restaurant...He searched and searched but there didn't seem to be any food options that would meet his needs...until out of nowhere he looked down an aisle to see a sign "Today's special brown rice and vegetables" . He went there and was served by a fellow who for some reason kept staring at him. At the end of the evening the man approached and asked if he was "Mickey Singer". (At this point Michael Singer would not have been known to the public as he is now). When Singer said yes, the man proceeded to tell him that he was the guy he had picked up in 1973. He told him that he was in a very dark place during that drive but after their discussion on Yogananda, he had gone on to purchase "An Autobiography of a Yogi" and that it had saved his life. 

So, the rest of the following is what I gathered from listening to the podcast. He seemed to be saying that the law of attraction is real; it isn't mystical; but we can't use it to serve ego. He then went on to say there is so much we cannot see but that doesn't mean it isn't there...

"This is not the only plane"...

It is an infinite universe...our instruments are just limited in what they can measure. ...we cannot see past the electromagnetic spectrum with our tools...but there has to be other planes...they are just more subtle

Sri Baba could manifest piles of ash from an empty jar, reciting to those who witnessed... " I will give you what you want...a miracle...so you give me what I want...your ego." 

Most of us are taking the infinite spaciousness of consciousness and staring at little me stuff...we are contracting it...

Stop staring at you, you start to feel more of the universe...you are a part of it." 

Stop staring at your stuff. 

Most of us are married to the physical plane so we dont feel the higher energies...we dont feel the shakti...that energy is higher than the physical plane 

There are four forces science talks about: gravity, electromagnetism, strong nuclear force,  and weak nuclear force....but there is also another force science doesn't talk about "will power"...volition...which is also capable of changing the physical plane by using a power higher than the physical plane.

You are a being of light!

Healers don't do the healing...they get out of the way so the high energy can come through.

"It is not mystical!"  It is physics and meta physics...we just do not have the instruments to measure it yet

There is God manifest and God unmanifest. The field before it vibrated/manifested is the unmanifest God  ...Brahman...With the vibration "Om" It becomes God manifest. Yogis knew this long before science did. They understood the ripple, the vriti....that all matter comes from a vibration on the stillness. Then quantum physics discovered the same thing at Cern...

Man minus mind=God...Meher Baba

When you stop staring at yourself there is God...

It is just different vibration rates and consciousness is the cause of the vibration

It is all God...including you

What is the quantum field?  God!

There is nothing higher than consciousness.

Most of us live off our ego.

Humility is not something you make yourself be...

Liberation is not having a big ego...it is about not staring at your ego.

Freedom in not freedom for your self...it is freedom from yourself.

Even scientists answer the question "What was there before the big bang?"...The universe is infinite...was and always will be...

There is law of manifestation and law of attraction? Yes it works but be careful...

If we operate from ego...we attract something the ego feels it is missing. We use it to build ego...

The cause of every single thing that is what is wrong on this plane is becasue of the ego...

Seek thee first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness, and then all these things will be added on to you..Matthew 6:33.

Don't seek from the ego

A great being has no hopes and dreams.

There are no psychological needs ...we just believe there is...

You have been gifted with a mind and that which comes into it without your effort...we don't think...thoughts come in...

You have everything but screwed self up by not appreciating it...

The truth of the matter is you are a great being but you dont feel like it because you are limiting your Self by staring at your ego

Recognize and appreciate all that you are.

Wake up! You are way greater than this...

No one sees what you see...the meaning of your life is to offer this unique perspective to consciousness

These things you call mystical are real....

Be the one who notices it, instead of the one that says "I  have to chnage it." 

That is what real power is about....the power to accept.

Anyway this was the podcast I "felt" and "experienced" today. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer ( April, 2025) Beyond the Law of Attraction: The True Nature of Reality. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NhbJkRmZys

Exploring "The Energy Codes"

 Since the beginning of our days on earth, we humans have looked for ways to engage with our true, limitless nature as spiritual beings (our Soul or Soulful Self) and transcend the small, limited, fearful, and pain-riddle identity (our ego, or Protective Personality) where we spend so much of our lives. 

Dr. Sue Morter, The Energy Codes, page 5.

Hmm!.  Taking a bit of caution with me as I explore the question, "Do I want to play with these energies within me.  And if I do, who exactly is "qualified" to guide me?" ...I am beginning to read and study "The Energy Codes".

I am not sure if I will go beyond "looking into" this methodology. I am not sure the author is "qualified" ...but I am willing to read and explore what she has to say with an open mind. So far she seems intelligent, articulate, and wise...her writing is tight and succinct. I like what she has to say and I like how she says it. We will see.

All is well. 

Seeking the Unspeakable

Seeking the Unspeakable

I have been seeking some form of satori for many years.  Not for the high, high energy flows, the Siddhis or even the Bliss....I was just looking for peace. 

Still...I have been looking into yoga energy in hope of having it clean me out. I thought, "Hmm...it would be so cool to be free of all this junk in me, to be at peace all the time, no matter what is going on.  Satori might help with that." 

Well, Michael A. Singer made a statement from the below video that left me thinking and understanding that what I really want from this state is "escape" from this world as I know it.  I am seeking a way out of this "what isness" this human I call me is experiencing because it is often too uncomfortable for the psyche. 

He asked something to the effect.

"How are you going to handle all those high energy flows if you can't even handle  this everyday stuff?"

That made me think and agree. That is what brought me once again from Yoga to contemplation of the Buddhist philosophy.

Spirituality isn't about escaping "what is".  It is about embracing it. We find peace in that.

What is it like to have satori?

It is like ordinary everyday except  about two inches off the ground. (D.T. Suzuki)

..marvelous power and supernatural activity...drawing water and carrying wood (Layman Pang)

What is Zen?

When hungry eat...when tired...sleep.

The goal of action is contemplation. Alan Watts

Hmm!

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( March, 2025) Mastering Life: The Art of Handling Everything. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlNkggVrXGM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

T.H. Inspiration. (October, 2024) Alan Watts for When You Need to Stop Thinking.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVerqpMjYYg

Handling It?

 You either handle Life or you don't handle Life.

Most of us are not trying to deal with reality. We are trying to feel better and are doing whatever we can to make it feel better in here.  We use defense mechanisms...we push away, avoid, deny, repress, suppress, displace, project etc etc....we resist!

Spiritual growth is all about learning to handle it.

All is well

Michael A. Singer ( March, 2025) Mastering Life: The Art of Handling Everything.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlNkggVrXGM

The Unthreatened

 You are the light of the world.

Matthew 5:14

Eckrt Tolle began his video today quoting this famous phrase from A Course in Miracles:

 Nothing real can be threatened; 

Nothing unreal exists; 

Herein lies the peace of God. 

There is only one thing ( if you want to use the word 'thing') that is omnipotent. There is only one 'thing' in Life, as we know it, that is real...and that is God.  Knowing that brings peace. 

Are we not real? The only real thing about us, as human beings, is our consciousness. Is the "being" part of that noun we use to describe who we are. Being , however, is a verb, not a noun.

As Alan Watts said:

You are a function of what the whole Universe is doing, in the same way that a wave is what the whole ocean is doing. 

So we, as consciousness, are functions of the universe. We are living representations of Life...of God.

So this consciousness in me, is it God? The answer to that, according to Eckhart Tolle, is "yes and no".

Is the light of the sun...the sun itself? Yes and no...it is an enemation of sun.

Is the light of God (consciousness) God? Yes and no...it is an enemation of God.

Be the light in you. Don't diminish that light. Don't hide that light away out of a fear it will be harmed.  It can't be threatened. 

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (March, 2025) Your Indestructible Essence with Eckhart Tolle. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1c6ZAa4o6CI&t=9s

The Walk of Shame

As we let go of egoic consciousness guilt disappears [and is replaced with wisdom].

Eckhart Tolle

I grew up in a very strict Catholic household.  I was raised to be guilty and to expect punishment for every mistake I made or for every mistake my ancestors made. Heck, I was conditioned to believe that I was a terrible sinner no matter what I did or didn't do (for things I didn't even know I did...for just breathing maybe) and that in order to escape the fiery depths of Hell after I died as retribution for my "sinful nature"...I had to make my life a walking  penance.  It was like doing the "Walk of Shame" from the Game of Thrones everyday. ( Which, by the way, I actually walked down in September when I was visiting Dubrovnik...so cool.)

Well...of course that wasn't the healthiest conditioning lol. There are probably more catholics on  the proverbial "couch" seeking healing than any other demographic for that reason. We grow up believing we are bad and worthy of shame.  "Shameful sinner" becomes our identify and that leads to a deeply entrenched sense of unworthiness for anything but punishment. This type of upbringing creates shamed based personalities or what I refer to as very strong shamer egos and therefore strong redeemer egos. It creates big egos in general. Egos that judge, not only the self harshly, but others harshly too. 

I decided to raise my own children differently. Yes, I brought them up as Catholics ..(I thought somewhere in my psyche that I or they would go to Hell if I didn't)...but... I enforced the belief in them they were "not sinners".  That they were, in fact, not what they do and others were not what they did.  I taught them to seperate deed from doer. I taught them to look at mistakes and misguided actions as just lapses in consciousness. I taught them not to beat themselves or others up for those unwholesome things that are done that hurt others or self but to learn and grow from them. 

Hmm! They couldn't escape all the conditioning, I knew,  but I was determined not to be part of the establishment of any such destructive core beliefs in them. 

I also taught them, when they expressed feelings of shame and guilt, that these were toxic and unnecessary emotions.  I tried to teach them to look at the situation with eyes of wisdom, to make the unconsciousness of their actions...conscious... so they could see that it is not wise to hurt others or self.  I encouraged them to reflect on and feel the pain of the others that were hurt...so that they didn't repeat that action again.  

So often in my life after making less than wise choices, as I am sure  many of you have as well...I heard this toxic statement, "You should be ashamed of yourself!" I identified as a bad person who deserved to walk in shame.  I still live with that in me. 

 I did not want my children to live like that.  I wanted them to take accountability for what they did,  to feel "sorry" for what they did...but not ashamed. 

"What you did might have been  'bad, or wrong' ", I would tell them, "but you aren't bad or wrong. Make better choices next time."

I am not sure what good that did...if any :) This is ultimately their journey and they need to deal with their own interpretations of shame, guilt and worthiness.  I still make it known, however, that I  don't feel any of us have to do that "Walk of Shame" Cersei did. We do, though, have to take accountability and responsibility for the consequences of all our actions, thoughts, or words as we learn and grow. This is wisdom, not guilt.

My actions are my only true belongings. They are the ground upon which I stand.  I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. The Fifth Remembrance

All is well. 

Eckhart Tolle (March 2025) Eckhart Tolle on Replacing Guilt with Wisdom.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2kDA3CN-hco

Teacher Testing

Those who know, do.  Those who understand, teach.

Aristotle

Another potential teacher has come into my view. Whenever I receive a resonating message from someone else...a teacher....  I love and absorb the message but man...do I put the teacher under the microscope...especially if they say they had a transcendent experience.  I really want to know if they can be trusted as the carrier of a certain potential truth.

First...I look for intelligence. I want to know that they have the capacity to truly understand what they are expressing and calling truth. Then, I look to see how what they teach merges with science or with plain practical wisdom.  Can what  they are teaching and what they say  about what they experienced be validated?  I also look to see what backgrounds they come from.  From there I ask what is motivating their teaching: Ego with selfish, possibly narcissitic needs, or the Deeper Self that has a genuine desire to assist humanity? Then I ask how does all this resonate with what I already "know"? 

Well, when I put a teacher through this mental testing not all teachers pass. Some have seemed so intelligent  until I actually bought or read their books and I realized they were teaching something they truly did not understand enough to teach. I gave up on those teachers.  Others wrote right over my head...using intellectual jargon that made me feel "dumb" and confused....it seemed it was almost on purpose.  I said "adios" to those teachers.  

If there isn't enough connection to science ( quantum physics or yogic science mostly)  or practical wisdom (like Buddhism) in their teaching, I say "No...not for me." ( I tend to gravitate to a Buddhist, yogic, or quantum physics undertone.) That is a "tester bias"  on my part :).

  I walk away from teachers who put down...condemn...or say other teachers or fields of thought are "bad, wrong, shouldn't be." Like if they are against physicians or against natural medicine; if they are proscience, anti-"woo-woo" or all "woo-woo", anti-science; if they are against the spiritual practices of others; or if they don't teach to a holistic approach ...that emcompasses it all, is open to it all....then it is "Nope." They need to show me that they understand that "there are many paths to the same destination."

 When they fail my "Is what they say true?" question, I am out of there! That is a big one for me. How do I know they are telling the truth? How do I test what they say as truth?  Is there validation, research, evidence for what they deem as truth? Science helps with that one...do they offer scientific evidence? Do they seem honest and authentic? How do they describe the experience they had? Are there loop holes? Does it sound realistic and sincere?

What is their background?  I like to know how people got to the point they are teaching this stuff. If I find out that they were once 'struggling' actors who never got far (no offense to actors), hypnotists, performers of some kind, the kind of people seeking fame or fortune, people who once had large cult followings, or had any history of "conning" others...I will automatically step back look deeper into what they have to say about who they are. That is a warning for me of a possible cult leader potential. As soon as I suspect something akin to cult leadership, I stay away from that teacher and more than likely their teaching.

I love it when the potential teachers have a purely science background and from there, are now exploring  non materialistic concepts like "consciousness". What kind of ridicule and opposition did they meet in expressing themselves openly with these ideas they are now teaching? They must really believe them and be courageous professors  of the truth in such cases. If they have a "M.D.". behind their name , I am especially intrigued because those two initials encapsulate a very finite, materialstic mindset...one that is hard to get passed. If they get passed that, well, maybe what they have to say is more authentic. It will likely also contain science to some degree. I feel an authentic purpose in those who challenge the established scientific view. 

I have a hard time with others who promote the "Doctor" before their name though. I see that as a gimmick.  I often find that this "Doctor" that modern society would see as belonging to an allopathic practictioner, is actually used by those with a phD or who are practicing natural medicine...like naturopaths or chiropractors in the promotion of their teachings. Sure...they can all be called  doctors. I have no problem with them using that title....they go to school long enough.   It is just another concept, after all...but I do believe that title is often used to gain trust from a potential audience knowing how society still tends to revere allopathic medicine. It is a little promotional trick that bothers me. Come right out and tell the audience you are a chiropractor or naturopath...don't leave that specification muddy. 

It is funny that allopathic teachers often do not refer to themselves as doctors when they promote their teachings...look at Deepak Chopra, Gabor Mate, and David Hawkins...to name a few.  (Maybe, they leave that "Doctor" out because of the scrunity they would receive from their community?) The background of natural medicine, on the other hand, doesn't require such a leap of faith into teaching these things. These practitioners  have already been immersed into these ideas. They do not risk the scrunity of their communities.  And, sadly, they are probably already used to confronting the biases from conventional medicine.  I do not like it at all, either, when conventional medicine refers to such practices as "quakery" .  That would turn me off from a teacher pretty quickly.

What is motivating the potential teacher's teaching? Is it the Deeper Self or is it ego?  Is it a sincere desire to help humanity? Or is it a desire to help themselves? Are they doing this to get rich and famous? Are they charging a lot of money for their teaching material? How much money are they making? How many "Rolls Royces" do they own? How are they living? Not that anyone has to give away their work...no, no,no...but they need to make it accessible to all.  If only the rich and elite can afford your teachings, what about the rest of humanity you are professing to want to reach? Who is really benefitting from that? And of course...if you are blessed with abundance as an "added on"... enjoy it...but...continue to assist the less fortunate with your blessings...Is that being done? This teaching can not be a "business" in the mind of the teacher, for me to adhere to it.  It has to be an honest vocation with the intention of serving humanity...not little self.

I really watch for the ego in teachers when they are speaking. Are they all "I,I,I...me, me, me"? Are they preaching, "This is the way it is...listen to me"? or are they open to the possibility that they might not be right...that they don't know everything? If they have to be right and go on like they know everything... then there is a problem.  They won't keep my attention. I like to hear a questioning tone in the teacher's speech. I like it when a teacher embraces the questions of their students...embraces skeptical doubt and fills their answers with "maybe" rather than false certainty. The greatest teacher, I believe, is one that openly realizes that they do not know but they too are on the journey to understand. 

The most important thing is...how do they and what they have to say resonate inside me when I listen. How do I feel and respond at a visceral level when I am listening?  I mean, I am aware that some people have charsisma...a personality that is very attractive to other personalities and that can draw people in.  I try to look beyond their personality and see how that "essence",if you will, is impacting whatever this is that exists beyond my personality.  Do I hear and feel the truth of both their message and of them?  If I don't "feel it",  I won't listen.

No teacher out there is going to pass all of my testing criteria.  Nor, should they ever want to. Who the he%& am I to test anyone? There is no perfect teacher in human form because there is no perfect person. All of us will have some lingering form of ego attached to us until we die...I see some form of ego in all the people I listen to. I know there is a "human" that preceeds the "being" in all of us. So, I ask, "Is their essence more dominant than their ego? What is coming through when they are teaching? Where is that coming from...a place of superficiality and regurgitated knowledge? Or from a place of deeper wisdom? " 

I need to feel the "Ultimate Truth" working through that human being it is using. What they say and who they are need to resonate with this Truth already in this human being I call "me" for me to want to listen. 

You will know who embodies what resonates to me because I will often quote them or refer to their teachings here.  It is obvious that the tecahings of ancient Masters like Christ, the Buddha, Socrates, Plato, Yogananda, Patanjali and Vivekananda etc resonate with me.  Teachers like Thich Nhat Hanh,  Eckhart Tolle, Michael Singer, Pema Chodron, and Deepak Chopra and others to some degree have passed my testing enough for me to settle into their teachings. You will hear me reciting them or referring to them often here. 

How will this new potential teacher fit in to my listening practice? I don't know yet...They definitely do not pass all my testing criteria but I have a good feeling about them. I will read what they have written and I will keep exploring what they have to say and how they say it. 

I am open to all teachers and all teachings but they do have to pass the ego scraping test before I commit. :) This is, I hope, what you are doing as you read anything I have written or listen to anything I might have said. Even if I am not here to be your teacher, my goal is to point you in the direction of the only truely reliable teacher there is...that Truth within yourself. Be your own teacher, as I am ultimately mine.

The best teachers are those who tell you where to look, but don't tell you what to see.

Alexandra K. Trenfor

All is well. 

From the Horse's Mouth

This is what I learned from listening to Andre Paqum's interview with Dr. Sue Morter.

Our job is not to feel good.  Our job is to get good at feeling. (Andre quoting someone)

Suffering is the cost of admission to this illusion of seperation. (Andre quoting someone)

Drop back into the deep sense of feeling that will lead to healing.

Ask the questions: How does it feel in your body? Build a library of felt sensation and experience.

Where in my body can I let energy feel more freely?

We become  a part of something rather than a part from it. 

The body's intelligence can do its thing when it is given permission to so.  

In the mind of genuises, we find once more, our own neglected thoughts.  Ralph Waldo Emerson

The body is the translator between the infinite possibility and what we think is possible.

Mind knows it is here to serve something greater than itself but when we identify with the mind...the mind creates a story and identifies with that.

Mind, body and breath...life force energy...need to be re-integrated.

The breath is a bridge...the breath makes healthier regulation of all systems

One eye on the inside and one eye on the path...

Allow the quantum flow to flow

The solar plexus is the seat of the mental body.

The area below the navel is the seat of the feeling.

Who was I before I needed scientific]evidence?

We need to root to rise. Anchor self into body and breathe deeper into the earth because it is an extension of us. 

[Unlike the mind]The body always tells the truth.  It isn't delusional.

Don't ask why.  Ask where.

Get busy not being so busy and begin really feeling into what is true for you. 

...becoming that which is filling the vessel

The cause of all human suffering is a perspective issue

...operating as a soliution on the planet rather than as another survivor

Love is the universal solvent...it isn't a sentiment.  It is a realm. It is a reality.  There is a version of life that is based in 

...the breath of loving presence...the appreciation of this moment. 

Notice the beauty of Life. the knowingness of the beauty that is here...the unfolding of the miracle that is upon us

What matters is the vibration of devotion...when the heart and mind are working together.

As close to the actual words as I could get.  :) It is all good!

Andre Paqum/ Know Thyself Podcast. ( March 2025) How to Awaken the Body's Energy Field. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0TWCSEPl3A

The "Splat" from the Inside Out

We do not need to connect with the essential true Self inside, we just need to allow ourselves to be it...

There is a vibration that resonates your true essential self when you are not interfering or interupting.

Dr. Sue Morter

Serendipity...serendipity...serendipity...ahh...serendipity...

Yesterday, I wrote about the realization I had that we have to change our spiritual process. Instead of peeling the onion of false selves away from the outer layers to get at the core, the True Self, we as these outer layers we identify as need to let the True Self simply emerge from the center of who we are.  We as  bodies and psyches= "little mes", need to step out of the way and stop interfering with consciousness attempting to do Its thing. 

So that was on my mind as I was flicking through the Youtube channels looking for something positive to watch before going off to bed. I was visualizing Self/ Soul/ Atman in the middle of a circle with body, mind, and energy at the periphery of that circle.

Then I came across an Andre Duqum podcast with Dr. Sue Morter as the guest. Within a few minutes I was standing on my feet shouting "Yes!  Yes!  That is what I'm talking about!!!"  

I have never heard of this woman prior to that podcast but everything she said resonated in the deepest core of me. What she said touched not only my intellectual mind, but also that mind beyond the mind. 

What did she say?

Her work is in bioenergy, teaching how to utilize and move the energy in the body that is meant to flow through us but so often is blocked from doing so, causing us to lead unfilling lives. 

Huh? 

From what I understand...

It is like we (a Mind, Body, Soul Combo) plop down into this incarnation with a big splat. (Like the  circle I was envisioning but in a messy form. Ironically, "splat" was also a word I added to my EAL presentation yesterday and I had been repeating it over and over again because I liked the sound of it.)  Mind and body, flow out from the center of who we are. They pool and stay on the outer periphery of that big splat...trying to make sense of the external world they are seeping into. The senses pick up the info from the outside world and the mind attempts to make sense of it.  Soul stays in the center. 

Consciousness or Sat Chit Ananda...the amazing light energy we are, waits to find the opportune time to come down into the soul to manifest  through us. This omnipresent, omnipotent, and omniscient energy is meant to come in from the top of the head...pour in all the way down to where we are now rooted in the earth...and  then rise up and out of us like a fountain into the world, thusly  impacting everything around us.

Why don't we experience this blissful consciousness?

Our awareness, as we focus on mind and body in the periphery, is stuck in survival mode. The external world we are touching and picking up with our senses is so threatening and we are busy trying to figure it all out. Safety and survival become the priority. The mind needs 'certainty' in order to focus its forces...even if it is certain of something terrible...As long as it is certain about something it feels secure. So perception is colored, often negatively.  We close to much of it and only take in a tiny bit of the data we have the capability of  experiencing. We get stuck here and become identified with the body and mind in this surival mode as being who we are.  It is "so in our face", it is all we see and 'know' at the intellectual level. We forget that there is a soul in the center of this splat...we lose contact with our true essential Self. 

Intellectually, after so much time suffering in this mind, body, survival mode...we may decide to leave the periphery and go deeper in to this splat to discover its Center. When we leave from here we bring our dependency on sensory input with us, we drag along our egos and our psyches-our limiting self concepts. We bring along our attachment to the external world...our desires and our aversions.  We bring along this habitual need we developed to "do" and "fix".  What we do, then, is get in the way of the natural flow of this divine energy. We interupt and interfere,  preventing it from naturally cleansing all that is in Its way and  just coming through us . 

We ...as a self concept...as an overidentification with body and mind...need to get out of the way with our interuptions and interferences. We need to allow the soul and what it is inputing from universal consciousness to just flow through us and into the world.  Not just for our sake but for the entire world's.

Consciousness is an energy that is the foundation of the entire world. 

Looks like I will be buying another book.  I still use my intellectual mind to take me to the  Vijnanamaya kosha in hope that it will help me to transcend even that. Maybe if these teachings help to unlock me, it will be the last book I will need. :)

All is well. 

Andre Duqum/ Know Thyself Podcast (March, 2025) How to Awaken the Body's Energy Field...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0TWCSEPl3A

Dr. Sue Morter ( November, 2024) Unlocking Your Energy Bodies.https://drsuemorter.com/blog/videos-2/

Seeing through the Koshas to the Basic Principle of Life

 ... the three fundamental factors of consciousness are I exist, I know, and I am blessed. The idea that I have no want, that I am restful, that nothing can disturb me, which comes from time to time, is the central fact of our being, the basic principle of our life.

Vivekananda on the Vedanta

Michael A. Singer in his podcast this morning speaks of this vedic truth as he discusses each of the Koshas, the bodies or sheaths we as human beings wear. I love to hear other yogis speak of these things because I have a hard time speaking of them to others. I feel so isolated, like a strange stranger in this understanding. Most people look at me and utter, "What the fork, crazy lady?"

Yet,  I cannot help , at this point of my learning and growth, to see things in this way.  There is the basic principle of Life as my central thought stream. I want that to be my focus in life. Is It? 

...I catch tiny, tiny glimpses of the realization that "I exist, I know, I am blessed." (Sat Chit Ananda).  It is not so much, I am very slowly coming to see, this "me" in physical and mental form looking through all these outer koshas to the inner one...the Atman or Purusha...but I am learning to see how this Self is  looking from the "central fact" of my being, through all these sheaths to the outer layers, and getting distracted and stuck in that focus, especially the mental Kosha.  

I am getting a head of myself. Let's look at the yogic Koshas:

Annamaya kosha (physical sheath): This is the most outer layer of this onion-like unravelling.  It consists of the physical body and all that makes it such. We know now taht as matter, it is a compilation of atoms coming together to form molecules, cells, tissues, organs, systems and the then the human body. It is not who we are.  It is something we use and are in. 

Pranamaya kosha (energy sheath): The energy body or inner body as Eckhart Tolle often refers to it...It is the body that houses "prana"...the vital Life force from which breath emerges.

Manomaya kosha (mental sheath): This sheath is where most of us are stuck. It consists of our "personal minds": our thoughts, feelings, ...this idea of who we think we are. Concepts and conceptual knowledge are found here.

Vijnanamaya kosha (wisdom sheath) : "The mind beyond the mind".  Some might refer to its as the "universal mind beyond the personal mind focus". This is where true wisdom is housed...a wisdom that is non conceptual and can only be experienced, not known.  It is from here where intuition and creativity arise and are then sent to the mental sheath for follow through. 

Anandamaya kosha (bliss sheath): It is where the essence of who you are resides....the Self...It is the  house of the pure joy state of sat chit ananda . It really cannot be described, only expereinced. It is where we all want to be whether we know it or not. 

Then with the attainment of Samadhi we can even get past this state to a deeper, purer state of  Atman or Self Realization. (Vivekananda refers to as Purusha in his discussion of Samkhya philosophy). 

Peeling from the Outside In?

I have always looked at it as a peeling away of layers we were once identified as. The object of the apparent dive inward is to free this Self from all koshas...to expereince true yog or "Oneness":

Existence absolute, Knowledge Absolute, Bliss absolute. That real existence is limitless, unmixed, uncombined, knows no change, is the free soul; 

Why then do we not all experience this "free soul"...this Oneness and unity with all?  Let me continue with that passage above from Vivekananda's lecture

...when it gets mixed up, muddled up, as it were, with the mind, it becomes what we call individual existence. ...That bliss, when it gets clouded over, we call love, attraction for gross bodies or fine bodies, or for ideas. This is only a distorted manifestation of that blessedness. Absolute Existence, absolute Knowledge, and Absolute Blessedness are not qualities of the soul, but the essence....So with existence the existence which we know, the limited sphere of existence, is simply a reflection of that real existence which is the nature of the soul. Vivekananda

Huh?

We perceive ourselves going from outer to inner and too often get stuck in the physical and mental sheath...the body and mind. 

The Three Outer Koshas

So, we start in our evolution...our peeling away of the onion layers,  with an over identification with the body.  Seeing, as the materialist view conditions us to see that all there is, is physical. We see, therefore, that we are our bodies. That consciousness, if we even go there, is a function of the brain. 

We may then progress in our understanding past the physical sheath and become aware that there is someone inside this body...someone that thinks, feels. We may recognize the mental sheath. We may even sense there is an energy body, as well, if we dare to go deeper. We see this someone as a seperate little entity in a seperate little body at the mercy of all the phenomena going on around it and in it. These thoughts and feelings, this up and down movement of energy, we come to believe, is who we are and man can it be painful!  We need to protect this "person" inside...who we beleive ourselves to be.  We build a little house in there, around the mental and energetic sheaths. We put up walls of defense mechanisms: suppression, represson, denial, avoidance, etc. and we crawl  inside in an attempt to live comfortably. We have created a psyche...an ego...a masquarading self. ...all based on a tiny reflection of something deeper.  We step out of our comfortable nest that we created and called "self" only long enough to manipulate the outside world so it doesn't get through our walls to all that junk we stuffed and stored and are trying to protect and hide. We by this process, by the stuff in the house...and all the energy and effort needed to protect it...identify ourselves with it.  We seek all the superficial things that will feed it; push away all the superficial things that will disturb it and we do not go any deeper. Most of us are here and stay here, in our undersatnding of reality!

The Wisdom Kosha

Resisting Life through desiring, clinging, averting, supression and repression...messes up the physical body, the mental body, and the energy body. When we realize that, we might decide to go a little deeper. We might seek to move into  the Vijnanamaya kosha.  I, fortunately, because of the suffering that comes with a messed up body, mind, and energy  have gone deeper to take momentary dips into this kosha. I consider myself to be a very rudimentary form of a jnana yogi.

I sit often in the seat of objective observation...observing my energy, my mind, my body. When I as a "me" get out of the way I can reach glimpses of  Vijnanamaya kosha in my witnessing...I not only observe  the distance between the thoughts or feelings this human is experiencing; I not only can identify in the body where the energy blockages are...I am often downloaded with a certain intuition, creativity, and knowing that I know is beyond my mind. I know it has nothing to do with "me".  When I write a piece of poetry, for example ...that is the mind beyond the mind. It is not "me".  It is a wiser part of me seeing Itself in the three outer sheaths, like It is catching glimpses of Itself in a mirror as It seeps around the blockages in me. 

From this place I see something else. Since it is the midway point in and the midway point out, I see that it is not so much that I, as a "me" am peeling an onion from the outside - in so that I can get to the core. What is really happening...is that which I seek from the inner most kosha is actually looking from the inside up through these outer koshas...It is an inside -out type of thing.

You have to look through  esctasy to look at this junk. Michael A. Singer

The Bliss Sheath

It...this blissful Awareness is getting stuck and distracted by the fluctuations in energies, the feelings, the thoughts, the body sensations It is observing. This energy of the Bliss sheath is meant to flow up...but instead it is looking down at the mess "me" has made. Now, there is no "me" ...it is just a concept built from the physical, mental, and energetic sheath. Yet, the mind causes so much drama...that the "I Exist, I Know, and I am Blessed" are focusing on that instead of on ItSelf. 

Allowing It to Come Up

Hmm! So it is not  really a matter of digging our ways down. It is more of a matter of allowing It to come up and through. We really do not have to do anything but relax and release...to let go. The house we built is in the way of the Flow.  We need to, first of all, stop adding to this house...stop fortifying its walls with more resistance, stop adding to the stuff inside. Then, we need to allow the walls of resistance to crumble so the stuff inside can naturally flow up and out with the shakti.  This is actually a passive dismantling of the psyche through letting go and a purification of  the energy body... so wisdom and then bliss can flow through.  

Once all the koshas are cleansed of their blockages and we have a flow of Sat Chit Ananda, we can then  reach a state of Atman realization. We can merge with the One...and the ideas of going in or coming out will be no longer needed. Duality in any form disappears. With the freedom of the soul...there is a return to spaciousness...to shunyata...the Om...the primal vibration from which all was created. 

 Hmm! How was that for deep? lol

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer (March 27, 2025) From Mind to Enlightenment: Understanding Yoga's "Layers of the Self''. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QLTR-ncjMrk&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Swami Vivekananda ( n.d.) 2.6 Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures from The Complete Works. Kindle Edition. 

Creative Pull or Ego Motivation?

 Desire implies some form of lack; creation comes from wanting to give from the fullness you sense within you.

Eckhart Tolle

I am always questioning why I do what I do.  I ask if I am being motivated by ego or motivated by the deeper part of this human I call "me". I know with poetry...it is just a matter of the poem wanting to be written.  It has so little to do with "me".  There are other writing adventures that are less obvious in their motivation.

When I wrote the little book I wrote last year ( all the books I wrote last year), I felt pulled by something other than ego.  Like it is when I come here, I had this stuff in me (that I was learning) that I wanted to share. Sure...redeemer ego was sitting around encouraging me to go on with, "Well maybe if you write that you will prove to others that you now know what you are talking about.  It is so important that people know that you are knowleagble. You can't let Shamer win here." Shamer ego, was also repetitively saying, "Who the heck are you to write this book?  Despite your years studying, you do not have enough initials behind your name. " I will often look over at Redeemer and Shamer ego and say, "Will you guys shut the Fork up?" (Of course, I am not actually seeing or talking to a visible seperate entities  lol...this is all self-talk).  

Though ego was still a noisy presence in the background, I truly wanted to give, however, from the fullness within me. This carried on to me wanting to create tutorials related to the book to assist others who couldn't access or afford the book. So I  work on these tutorials and it is a very creative process that brings me joy. There will be times, however,  where the work will suddenly disappear before I have a chance to get it up. ( a lot of work)...and I am like "Okay...I will just start over".  At those times, I see how I am not attached to the outcome as ego would be.  I am enjoying the process. I am giving for the sake of giving.  Even ego cannot be upset with that. Can it?

Sigh!

Desire of the ego is disquised desire for God.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle ( March, 2025) The Impulse to Create: Eckhart Tolle on Discovering Your Creative Potential. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KQsKeyKBheY&t=385s

Healing Mantra

Don't store it negative...Leave it positive

Michael A. Singer

This is the mantra I have been reciting lately during some of my meditations. 

I am opening.

I am releasing.

I am cleansing.

I am healing.

I am allowing.

I am embracing.

I am touching the joy

of Shakti within me.

opening...releasing

cleansing...healing

allowing...embracing

touching joy...touching Shakti.

Bizarre? Maybe but this is what it translates to for me: 

I am opening:  I am not closing to anything out there. I am staying open. I am learning to be nonreactive and nonresistant. 

I am releasing: I am letting go of all that I was clinging to that does not serve my higher purpose, especially the negative.

I am cleansing: I am purifying...cleansing out the samskaras. I see how they are clouding my vision and impacting my approach to Life. 

I am healing: I know that by cleansing out what was making me sick, I am healing at the deepest level.

I am allowing: I am allowing Life to do what it does...to flow through...I am not resisting what unfolds in any given moment. I am not pushing away, which equates to stuffing and storing anymore. I am also allowing the stuffed and stored stuff to rise into my conscious awareness. I am not resisting any of it.  I am not pushing it back down.

I am embracing: I am looking at all of me and all of Life with compassionate eyes: the "good", the "bad", and the "ugly". I am not judging or resisting the uncomfortable that Life gives me in any given moment.  I am embracing it for its learning potential. I am not condeming the pain I have stuffed and stored. I am embracing it as it emerges and  I gently release it.  I am not beating up my ego as it slowly crumbles in front of me...I am lovingly holding it like a mother holds a child before sending the immature child off. 

I am touching the shakti:This is one of the few manifestation visualizations I will use. I visualize and make the intention  of myself touching Shakti...the joy I was born with. When the channeles within this human are open, cleansed, and healed, Yoga teaches that Shakti can flow.)

to flow freely within: I am seeing that all the things I once looked for out there: freedom from suffering, peace, joy, love, are and have always been in this human I call "me".  I just didn't know it because of the blockages I stuffed on top of it, because of this "me"I built that is always in the way.  Shakti can flow freely once I let go of all that which is in the way. Shakti can flow freely. I can finally be free.

Still pretty bizarre to ya? Maybe... and that is okay. You see they are all just words and concepts. The experience of healing they point to is what is important. 

All is well. 

Accepting the Eventuality of Loss

 All the things I hold dear, and everyone I love are also of the nature to change.  I can not escape being seperated from them.  I cannot escape loss.

All is well!

One Foot In and One Foot Out

One foot in this world.  One foot in the transcendent. This is the dance.

Eckhart Tolle 

Are you dancing? Or are you determined to have both feet stuck together on one spot? I spent most of my life, like many of you too, with both feet in the physical world...little me's world. And though I was being called to the transcendent for as long as I can remember, I just dug my heels in and pulled my ankles even closer together. All the while  I sung out as loud as I could, "Leave me alone!"

Personal mind will not let consciousness go to the intellectual [creative mind]...it distracts you from your bigger mind. Singer

 I was stuck in the wall shadow world.  It was not comfortable. Yet, I didn't want to leave to explore the other world.  I didn't want to walk out there onto the dance floor. I was needing to make it feel comfortable in here so I did whatever I could ...ignoring the music and the calls to step out, stuffing and storing, defending and attacking, attaching to other wall flowers and things, pulling some things in...pushing so much out.... doing whatever I could to make "me" feel better.  It was all about "me". 

...because  I am thinking about me, I am caught in this tiny little space of me...and it isn't too comfortable...so I need to do things to make myself feel better...I am compensating for the fact that I am not doing okay. Singer

Until lately, that is. 

Suffering...joyous, wonderful suffering... has pushed me out of the wall shadows and into the light. It led me to examine this "I...me...mine" program so many of us are stuck in, that keeps our feet together in the physical world. It was like someone turned on a light and I could see so much more than what I could see in the shadows. It was like someone gave me a mirror and I looked in and I saw a big old mask staring back at me, an ego mask. It was like someone cranked up the music...I could hear the beat calling me.  I began to dance.

Albeit, I was a very awkward dancer at first...still awkward, in fact.  I started by just pulling my ankles a part, and lifting one foot from the earth...I slowly, and very tentatively dipped my toes into a world I didn't understand...the same world that was calling me in my dreams ever since I was little. I did not take off the mask, at first.  I needed it on. It kept all the nasty in. I dipped my toes in the other world and I quickly pulled my toes out...again and again and again. 

There were glimpses of something as I danced...just little snippets of a truth began to emerge in me, through me, despite "me"...

Humans have to taste the truth of that for themselves

The Universe also wants deep inner peace...you also want to be rather than do...to return to the Source.  And this is what presence is.

Presence is the conscious relaization[connection] of the Source of all Life. Tolle

I began to place my whole foot down into this other world, and then I would pull it out and get all lost in "me" again.  I gave...then I went back to taking.  I thought of all other beings and then I pulled back to think of "me"... I was absorbed in "being" but would then pull back to get all lost in "doing" again. I loved openly and then I pulled back, as fear led me to close up again and again. 

What a strange dance I was performing lol...a little bit like Wednesday's dance in the Adam's Family movie lol

At one point I began to jump with both feet from the physical world to the transcendent...that wasn't healthy either. 

Tolle, in the below linked video relayed the story of Ramana Mahrashi who jumped head first into the transcendent world. Once he became enlightened, he became completely immersed into Source to the point he didn't talk or eat. Gradually he dipped his toes into this world again but not completely. He still spent more time in Source...but eventually there was a bit more balance so that he could serve this world and this lifetime.  Eventually the Source began to create through him and an ashram was built around him...a place where other seekers could go to at least touch Source through him. 

I am no Maharishi :) but I am still dancing ...moving  from one world to another...It is getting to be more of a waltz or an awkward  ballet movement that I perform, where one foot sweeps the floor in one world and the other foot sweeps the floor in the other. I am also removing the mask of ego...knowing how it stops me from experiencing the true joy of the dance.  I am attempting to find balance.

...balance between dwelling in Source awareness...and participating in the act of co creation with the Source.  Tolle

So, though there is so much truth in Singer's comment, The mind is a serious problem and the answer is not to give it what it wants. ...we still need to utilize the mind so that we keep one foot in this world while we dip our other foot in the  transcendent world. 

Hmm!

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( March 24, 2025) Breaking Free from Negative Thoughts. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_i7_v7xQ3uc&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Eckhart Tolle( March, 2025) Eckhart Tolle Discusses Two Ways to Manifest Your Desires. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yJN-4O9VKCA

The Most Important Body System

 The body function is all about the senses being able to sense....

I didn't teach Anatomy and Physiology like this in all the years I taught it, but Singer and other yogis  tell us the primary system in the body is the sensory system.  Why?  Because we are in this body to experience Life. How do we experience Life?  Through what we pick up through our senses. Hmm? What about the musculoskeletal system?  Well that system holds us up erect so we can point the senses to the world around us.  Hmm! (In yoga meditation..it is all about being erect). The muscles help us to move from place to place so we can see, hear, touch, taste, smell different things. 

What about the nervous system? Well that intreprets all that information we pick up.  And the endocrine system? Well that helps us with the hormones so we can respond to what we pick up and which allows us to experience more deeply.  And the digestive system? Well you need energy to keep the body alive so you can experience...the digestive system breaks down food into energy so you can absorb it. What about the cardiac and respiratory systems? These too help us to get much needed oxygen into cells...so we can keep the body alive so we can experience life? Get it? 

We are here to experience Life. We are in bodies that are equipped with atennas (to help us do that).  Like the skin system...the body is porous meant to allow Life to come in and allow Life to go out. We are not the body...we are that which is using the body.  The body is like a semi-permeable spacesuit we are wearing. All of Life is just meant to come in through the senses and pass right through. Why? So we get to experience it all. 

The  mind is the control switch that helps us move around in this body.  Too often we misuse the controls. We use the mind to select experiences. We stay open to certain things we deem as "pleasant" and  shut down to certain things the senses pick up that we deem as "unpleasant".   We cling to certain sensory experiences. We resist certain experiences.   We use this spacesuit to create a world that makes us feel good inside....instead of for what it is here to do...allow us to experience it all. 

Reminds me of a poem I wrote a while ago...

Space Walker

Navigating around this place,
in this suit of many layers,
 reptilian scales
and mammalian glands,
I follow, 

however reluctantly,
 the robotic directions,
 a woman's
monotone voice,
 not my own.
The voice  echoes from within
a hidden  circuit
of programmed instructions,  
"Take a left 

then a right,

go straight, 

turn around..."

the downloaded data chirps
as I make my way
to the flag before me.
I am told when
to fight, to flee, to freeze
with each zap of current that
courses through me
from the exposed
and tender roots
of the  electrical network,
humming on the outer layer
of this suit I think I am.

This entangled wiring,
with its preprogrammed function
to warn and protect,
makes the fleshy portion
of me within
jump and retreat
like a skittish fawn
with each bump, 

each change in atmosphere,
each misstep.


I walk carefully,
slowly,
feeling the weight
of mechanical
and social gravity.
Each foot I lift
is heavy and slow,
precisely calculated
to be acceptable,
just like those
of the walkers before me,
leaving a deep
irreversible imprint
on the ground beneath  me.

I reach out my hungry  
telescopic limbs
to grab what is valuable ,
collecting  the moon rocks
and galaxial gems
 that will make
this journey worthwhile,
placing them in the suit's
many  storage compartments,
feeling somehow lighter, 
the heavier the container
and I  become.


I decorate my suit
in the beads of star dust
that fall around me,
making myself,  
even in this heavy garment,
as attractive and unique
as I possibly can.
I display my hard earned titles
and initials on a well lit placard
that dangles around  my neck,
making sure it is especially visible
as the light around me fades.
I am told by this robotic voice
that I must stand out
amongst the other walkers
and
at the same time
I must blend in.


I hear my breath
panting and heaving
within the confines of my suit
as I make my way
to the center of my Life.
I do my best
to heed the directions,

to absorb the waves of pleasure,
to avoid the zaps of pain,
to make my imprint known,
to take what I can,
and be as noticeable
and recognizable,
yet as similar
and unobtrusive 
as a separate walker
 can be...

But the suit is so heavy,
and the programming  
so restrictive,
and the flag
that does not move
in the windless air
seems to get farther away
with each step
I take toward it.  

Something within me,
some little voice
beneath the programming
and the installed
external  reactivity
whispers..."stop".
I do.

I stop in my tracks
and remove the helmet.
I breathe
for the first time
without the need
of external support.
I remove my heavy garment
and feel the weightlessness
of unlimited space
as I rise untethered
into emptiness.
I watch from
an elevated  distance
as the rocks and gems
that were once
tucked within the suit's
many pockets
 roll away.
I am free.

© Dale-Lyn (pen) July, 2020

 

This poem is about pratyhara...the fifth limb of yoga which involves getting past our senses and what they bring in. Prior to that step we must recognize who we are within this sense ridden body and see its purpose as being there to help us experience all of Life. 

Our aspiration in Life should be about learning to allow it all in so we can experience it all...then allowing it all to go out. Our purpose is to recognize who is in there wearing that spacesuit, experiencing it all. We are not the spacesuits we are in.  We are not the mental control switch...we are that which is watching and experiencing and we are the One with their formless hands on the switches. Hmm!

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( March, 2025) Your Highest Aspiration: Finding Your True Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8A_t1NEskq8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Don't Trample Down the self

 

Elevate yourself through the power of your mind, and not degrade yourself, for the mind can be the friend and also the enemy of self. 

B.G. 6:5

Between arrogance and being humble  is usually a state of self-degradation and shame that we need to recognize,process, and release . There is usually a reason for our displays of arrogance: The Redeemer Ego at work in in its attempt to out do shame. 

Is that where our "humble" journey  ends? 

 No, I believe there is a deeper and purer state called humility that has nothing to do with ego. Humility means being free of both shame and a need for redemption of the ego. Infact, in requires being free of ego all together. In order to reach that state we have to be careful when we reach the point of being humble not to take the fork in the road that leads to more self-chastising and to take the road that leads to Self-love. 

When I am "put in my place" by my own thought stream or the words or actions of others, or by life circumstance...I recognize "Oh, I was getting lost in arrogance again.  I was allowing Redeemer Ego to take the reins again." I am grateful for that realization now...where as before I would have reacted strongly.  So, there has been some growth. 

I am still not where I want to be though. Ego is still hanging around.  I know that because when I hit that "humble" point I seem to veer quickly towards a pattern of chastising myself, putting down myself, diminishing and punishing this "ego" that I created. We are not meant to hate our egos...to hate anything actually. We are meant to lovingly and compassionately understand how these egos were created and why...to take responsibility for them, for sure...but not to wallow in shame and guilt for their actions and the consequences of them. Humility is a positive state for Self...shame isn't. 

Michael A. Singer often quotes the Gita, "Don't trample down the self with Self , ..." Though I cannot find that translation anywhere I prefer it in this explaination. 

All is well