Catch every negative habit or tendency and see it as a bell of mindfulness...stop...pause...allow the feeling you are running from with breath and attentive mindfulness.
Br Phap Huu
I woke up thinking about the million little escapes we take part in everyday in our attempt to run from the present moment and what it offers. I was looking at my own day to day experiences and kind of tallying up my escape room antics. Serendipitously, I open up to this video from Plum Village as part of my morning listen. It is so funny how that works!
Anyway, this is how I escape:
I wake up in the morning and the thoughts will come in to my mind one by one...I tend to escape those...if they are not pleasant...through repression and suppression. I quickly swat them away which equates to pushing down.
Then, I sit up to meditate and all kinds of things will come up. Many mornings I will automatically shout back at those feelings, sensations, emotions, thoughts, or energies that slip into my conscious awareness, "Shhh! Quiet!! Can't you see I am trying to meditate here? Really? You'd think you'd be a little more respectful!"
Then, I get up with the intention of escaping deeply into my morning tea and the sound of someone else putting wisdom thoughts into my ears. I try to shut down everything in my periphery as I make my way to the kettle and my computer. I do my best to ignore the things calling for my attention...the laundry in the washroom, the dishes in the sink and the dust balls I am pretty much tripping over. I am escaping the house's incessant cries for care by vaguely promising, "Later...I will take care of you later." Both the house and I know at this point that later doesn't always come.
I cover my ears to the sound of someone else blaring the news over the TV that I really, really do not want to hear in the morning. It feels like fingernails down a chalkboard. I escape into a future thought that someday I will have mornings to myself...peaceful mornings where I can do my own thing uninterrupted by anyone. I put on my headphones.
The pets whine to be fed: the birds outside my window are trying to get me to fill the feeder, and I notice the plants wilting a bit in a cry for water. Sighing...I escape back into that future thought of a someday of uninterrupted mornings, as I take care of their needs.
I plop down into my seat in front of my computer with my tea in my hand. "Now", I tell myself. "I will finally have some peaceful escape from this crazy life." I look down to see the correspondence from the CRA on the table before me. I feel that knot in my belly again. I want to throw up. I got audited the day before...unfairly so, it seems. I have no idea what I "repeatedly failed to claim" that deserved such a hefty fine, and an arrears payment, on top of a balance owing. I owe them 2500 dollars I do not have. You would think they would pick on someone with an income more than 30,000 a year for Goodness' sake. (D. owes them a lot more?) I feel the anger, the sense of injustice brewing, this fear. I don't like this feeling. I put my hands over my face and cringe. What do I do? I escape by turning the letters over and turn on my podcast or video with a quiet plea to the speaker to take me away.
I settle into the sound of the quiet reassuring voice and the wisdom I so love. That is until I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. Someone is coming to me with their problems. That tightness emerges in my belly again. I don't like it. I escape the sense of grief and loss I feel for not getting my alone time with another thought. "You are supposed to be a loving, caring yogi, parent, person. Stop being so selfish!" I buckle down for the interaction and interruption that comes.
They leave, either pleased with what I said or offered...or very unpleased with what I said or offered. Sigh! I go back to my practice. The phone rings. I look down to see it is another being needing something from me. I shout out to the universe, "I just need a few minutes of escape here before I deal. Can't you give me that?" The answer, of course, is no. I slip back and away again into the that future thought..."Someday my environment will be peaceful. Someday I will be so peaceful it won't matter what is going on in my environment."
I know my practice is for healing. That my life even is for healing. It is all about the healing. I am committed to healing. I sit where I am listening, learning, writing, and sharing...or attempting to. Others make their way up the stairs, to the door, through the phone... needing me. Life calls me away again and again...I reluctantly go, and I also keep trying to slink back into my escape room again and again. Sigh!
I also escape into my writing. I escape into my work. I escape into my sweets. I escape into Netflix binges at night.
I have a lot of escape tendencies. What about you?
Brother Phap Huu tells us that we are all culturally conditioned to run from the negative strong emotions we encounter in each moment. So, what I attempt to do every morning is not abnormal. But is it healthy and wholesome?
No. What we resist persists and if we really want to heal we need to recognize and then put aside our escape tendencies. We need to face that which we are running from. The only way through...is through!
We need to be able to recognize and then pause to look deeply into each escape tendency as it occurs. He tells us we can transmute this negative energy, this tendency to escape, into a bell of mindfulness. The bell helps us to cultivate our ability to be still, pause and come back to the body.
Stop Running Away
Each time we see ourselves attempting to escape we can imagine a bell ringing. We stop or pause, breathe, and ask, Why are you running away? Look deeply into the tendency and what is beneath it. What suffering are we running from? What sensations and emotions are we experiencing? We need to wrap the light of mindfulness around these things and we all, whether we know it or not, have the capacity to do that.
Get to the roots of your habit energy.
Suffering, for many of us, becomes our identity. These habit tendencies of escapism become a part of our identity as well. It is a cultural thing to run away from negative emotions but such behaviour does not take us to healing or freedom. When we spend all our time escaping the moment, we do not fully live in or experience the moment. We miss out on life.
To help us deal with suffering, there are five remembrances offered in Buddhism. Considering that most of our suffering comes from our expectations that Life should be a certain way to suit us...there are five remembrances in Buddhism that help to dismantle those expectations and to remind us that we cannot escape what Life offers all of us.
Five Remembrances
1. I am of the nature to grow old. There is no way to escape growing old.
2. I am of the nature to have ill-health. There is no way to escape having ill-health.
3. I am of the nature to die. There is no way of escaping death.
4. All that is dear to me and everyone I love are of the nature to change. There is no way to escape being separated from them.
5. My karmic actions [thoughts, speech, action] are my only true belongings. I cannot escape the consequences of my actions. My actions are the ground on which I stand.
He also offers 8 ways to deal with painful emotions that are leading to our desire to escape
1. When we notice that we are trying to escape, we must first recognize there is a painful feeling emerging beneath every escape attempt. "There is a painful feeling, there is an emotion that is present."
2. Then we attempt to name the pain or feeling (feelings often come up in families). By naming we see the roots of the pain experience.
3. Next, we need to ask: Where is this pain in the body? Where am I feeling it?
4. Once we discover where it is in the body, we embrace it. We can use a gentle tender hand to touch the body part where it is held.
5. Breathe with it and guide it...Guide the feeling to the surface with your breath. If it is an intense feeling, don't sit...take it out into nature and walk with it. Take refuge in nature....surrender yourself to your steps in nature.
6. When the feeling/ feelings is/are in your conscious awareness, compassionately communicate with these feelings. Don't reject or resist these negative feelings. They will only get stronger. Give emotion an opportunity to be listened to. And remember: We are more than these emotions.
7. Become aware of and then let go of story. Which stories are we carrying?
8. Allow pain to shift and transform.
Hmm! Pain can be transmuted and transformed. We do not need to continually attempt to escape suffering. We must learn to sit with it, look into it, allow it to be heard, to be validated, and then released. It begins with recognizing when we are attempting to escape.
Let that tendency to run away be the bell that brings you home to the reality of your experience, to this moment.
All is well
Brother Phap Huu/ Plum Village ( August, 2024) Let that Negative Habit Become Your Mindfulness Bell. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cY1rtPBPA5g
