Willing to Be Nothing

 You have to be willing to be nothing to be something

Michael Singer 

I have been away from my writing and my practice because of the situation we are dealing with that involves the toxic personality that I spoke about last entry, and other issues as well. The world just seems to be very, very distracting right now and I find myself pulled into it.  When I do get on the cushion to meditate, the world doesn't go away. :) The mind keeps going over everything. It is relentless. Those distractions are still there between "me"...this body and mind with all its stored impressions, the personality...and that which I truly am.  These distractions have such a pull taking me from the peaceful Seat of 'I am that I am'...into the never ceasing drama of ego. Sigh! 

I have gained enough insight to know these "dramas" are just distracting clutter messing up my view of the omnipresent, omniscient, and omnipotent space or field of essence that I am. Yet, man...it is so easy to get pulled in to the point that my children are worried about me not taking enough time and space for myself. They are worried most about my physical health, and then my emotional or mental. I haven't been thinking about "me" too much. My body and mind are just tools I am using to deal with what is going on...to serve and support others...while I cough up a big furball of a samskara that has been in me too long. I see myself as just "dealing" using the skills I do have to best serve others in this drama...these dramas. I haven't, however, made enough conscious attempts to get back into the space. I havent walked in the woods in a few weeks or meditated mid day with a yoga nidra or something like I planned to do. I haven't pulled back away from the drama enough over the last little while to experience the essence of who I am. I have been neglecting to some degree my spiritual needs. That shows, I suppose. 

And this body is still doing what it is doing. The pain is there pretty much all the time now. The heart protests every now and again.  I can't stand for long periods or "pace" like I so want to do as I seek physical world solutions because of the pain in my lower legs...but... I can sit and research and  think. I know what needs to be done and I can guide and direct others, should they chose to allow me, to a productive way of approaching this. I really appreciate this mind I have now and the research and truth seeking skills I have been developing over the course of my life. They are coming in handy. 

"Me" is so much less reactive now as I ponder this situation.  I am clearer too.  I can clearly see the diminishment of this personality I call "me" in all this...how unimportant and even in the way it can get. Serve the moment.  Serve others in this moment...seems to be a mission statement pulling me forward. Though I know the importance of caring for this body and mind...the factt that there seem or seemed to be so many barriers to accessing care over the last little bit is no longer 'bothering' me. I may be having a hard time getting a prescription for the osteoporosis meds ...can't get into my physician until March 17 and that message got a little misconstrued in my last evisit...I did get an order for bloodwaork which I got done on Friday.  There...that is a step forward and I think I will make an appointment with physio about the lower legs...they may be able to help me determine if these are tibial stress fractures or not so we can go from there.  Everything else will work out the way it works out.  I am okay with that. 

All this drama that is unfolding in front of me can either bring me down into it or it can help me dismantle the "me" once and for all.  I want to dismantle this thing lol. I am uncomfortable in this mess...and that is a good thing.  That discomfort can motivate me to clean up in here...to get rid of taht which is in the way: "me"....to once again become nothing before I become the Something I always was.

You can use your challenges too...all those distractions that constantly take your attention... for the dismantling of the useless personality or ego....so, you can get back to Who you are.

All is well

Michael A. Singer ( Novemeber, 2024) From Distraction to Liberation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FkBnO31O3CQ&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4