-Eckhart Tolle
Do you believe that? Or are you still complaining about external circumstances not being right enough to make you happy?
The Wrong View of Happiness
One of the biggest ideas or wrong perceptions that we may have stuffed in our little bag of ashes is this idea we have of happiness. What do you believe happiness is and what determines it?
Most of do not think beyond the superficial world around us...we don't go deeper than what we can perceive with our five senses. Our happiness or lack of is determined by a set of external circumstances. How easily we are disappointed when we do that. We see the rain that gets in the way of the perfect picnic we were expecting to share with a romantic partner. So we become 'unhappy'. We feel the cold air that gets in the way of the perfect ski date we planned with our friends and we become unhappy. We taste too much spice in the soup we have prepared for our dinner guests and we become unhappy. The traffic outside our motel room is too loud and we become unhappy.
Are you getting it yet?
For many of us, if external circumstances do not meet with our expectations of what they should be like, we often decide that gives us a 'right' to be unhappy. A right to be unhappy?
We have an idea in our head that happiness is dependent on what is going on around us. We seek to experience that elusive happiness by relying on external circumstances to work out for us. We also may spend a lot of emotional, mental and physical energy into trying to manipulate and control those circumstances.
Never knowing what the future holds, we may also rely on fantasy of upcoming experiences to make it better, give us hope, distract us from the 'unhappy external circumstances' that are occurring in this present moment.
What are we doing?
Things in this world come and go. That is the way of life. There will be sun one day, rain the next. Cold one day, warmth the next. There will be gain one day, loss the next. We can never predict what will happen in the future nor can we be free of imperfect external circumstances.
The moment that we are in is the moment we are living. So waiting for the future to bring us happiness doesn't make a lot of sense either does it?
As far as the right to be unhappy...sure we have a right to be unhappy but would you rather be happy or self-righteously unhappy.
Let's face it...this idea we have of happiness does not serve us. We cling to it so we can be righteously grievant lol but it does not serve us. We need to throw it away!
Do you want to be righteously unhappy or happy?
Would you not agree that it would be better to be independent of the need for things to go a certain way in our experience happiness seeking? Wouldn't it be better to be happy in the rain and the sun, in the cold and the warmth, with whatever we taste, smell or hear in our external environment? If things didn't turn out the way we wanted them to...wouldn't you rather be happy than waste all your mental energy on complaining about it, resisting it or fighting against it?
True happiness is freedom from external circumstances. It is not a superficial experience but a much deeper one, a spiritual one . It is also not fleeting like the external circumstances are. True happiness is everlasting.
How do we get there?
- The first step to changing our view of happiness is being willing to throw out the old belief we cling to. Just be willing to see how that view of happiness doesn't serve you.
- Monitor your reactivity. The old belief in happiness leads to a lot of reactivity. We react mentally, emotionally and behaviorally to the fact that external things are seldom the way we think they should be.
- Recognize yourself thinking, "Oh no! This shouldn't be. This is wrong. Why is this happening to me?" when something happens out there that doesn't match your expectations. Catch yourself getting irritable when someone isn't acting the way you think they should be. Listen to yourself complaining out loud when the line you are in is not moving fast enough.
- Be aware of the connection between your outer circumstances and your inner reactivity.
- Once you are aware, practice releasing the need to complain, blame, add drama and struggle or resistance to the experience. The reaction begins with a judgment or a thought that says, "This shouldn't be." Let go of the tendency to say that to yourself or others.
- Start with the small little things and progress up to the greater things.
- Accept the present set of circumstances for being what they are...whatever that may be..."Oh the line is slow today. I may be here for a while. It simply is what it is." The 'this shouldn't be' gets replaced with "It is what it is". Practice that mantra over and over again.
- Allow the experience to be. When you allow the experience to be you allow the moment to be. It is in the moment we are presently in where happiness is found...not out there or in some other moment.
- Embrace the moment...whatever it offers. Look for something positive in it. Maybe there is learning in the failure or mistake...maybe there is growth in the suffering...maybe there is a tiny thread of light making its way through the cloud cover. Appreciate what Life gives us, knowing that it is exactly what we need
- Be happy anyway.
All is well!
References
Eckhart Tolle Freedom From External Circumstances (sorry cannot get into Google right now to get the citing information and link)
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