Message in a Bottle

 

 Message in a Bottle 

 

Dripping with my truth, 

the pen bleeds a message 

onto barren  paper.

In a cursive awkwardly mastered, 

loops and twists form the first 

 inadequate words: "Dear Reader..."

 

I know not who this reader is 

that I write this message for....

It matters not, I guess

 to the being doing the dictating,

to the being in the depths of me

who commands in a voice 

so small but demanding,

"Write! Just write!" 

Lost in the call, 

an insignificant  branch 

that bears no fruit at its tips,

I pour out my life learning, 

my pain and my sorrow,

my joy and my awe.

I try to describe

all the still and moving images 

my mind has snapped 

and frozen in time over 

the wake of many fading decades.

I write until my hand is tired 

and the loops and twists, 

despite their longing to be eloquent, 

 become nothing but 

exhausted broken symbols 

that are difficult to decipher. 

I cannot help but sigh.

The message, I must trust, 

will transcend the scribbling in its clarity,

will extend beyond the page 

with little help from "me".

 

I sign a name 

heavy in its obscurity,

 before lifting the now inkless pen

from that which it so lovingly caressed 

only a moment before.

 

I then roll the paper, 

and this truth it carries, 

unceremoniously, 

into a tight little cylinder 

before awkwardly stuffing it

 into the narrow opening

 of the somewhat resistant glass bottle

I had chosen.

Sighing again,.. 

I seal the message 

into this container 

 in preparation 

for the  long, uncharted 

journey ahead.

 

Standing on the shoreline of eternity, 

I close my weary eyes. 

With breath sucked in, 

I swing my arm back, 

then forward, before

releasing with quiet reluctance, 

this ship or this casket-

whatever it will become-.

into the air.

My words 

are pulled up and away from my grasp, 

released into the ocean's waiting arms.

When I feel the cool splash 

of their departure on my satisfied skin, 

I know my job is done.

 

What happens now

to this message 

with those hastily scribbled words 

is out of my hands.

I may never know where 

it will end up. 

The waves of Life, 

not me, 

will decide its fate.

 

Maybe, 

its destiny will be 

forever entwined with the ocean's,

bobbing up and down 

with every crest and trough,

floating without purpose 

beneath eternity's endless skies.

 

Or maybe... 

it will be guided by fate's tide 

to some distant sandy shore  

where it will be pulled onto the beach 

to lay quietly, collecting  the suns rays,

glistening in the spectrum  

of its color, until it is noticed. 

 

Maybe ....

a passerby, 

attracted to the reflection of light 

coming from this 

well travelled glass container,

will bend to pick it up.

Maybe, the bottle will be unsealed  

by these same curious, 

serendipity -trusting fingers, 

and the paper pulled out.

 

Maybe....

what I have written 

will be read

and maybe ....

it will be received with openness and awe,

while the reader gains 

even just a speck of wisdom

from the life lessons 

I have painstakingly transcribed.

 

Or maybe...

the message will lay 

exactly where it has landed,

unnoticed and unread…forever.

And, with no eulogy or epitaph 

to lift it from insignificance,

be slowly buried 

beneath the wind blown sands 

it rests upon.

 

I do not know where 

this message in a bottle will end up

or if and how it may be received. 

That is not mine to know. 

I did what I was here to do,

I wrote and I let go.

I released  that which was never mine

back to the Source from whence it came.

The rest is not up to "me". 

© Dale-Lynn, May, 2023 (Reworked November 17, 2023)

No Need to Belong. Just Write!

 There is no worse flaw in a man's character than that of wanting to belong.

David Adams Richards

Now Maslow might have something to say about that but I agree with Richards.  One of the things that holds us back from flourishing as human beings is our need to have others like us...and our greatest fear is rejection from the social pack.  In some regards...as long as we identify only as bodies and minds...this fear makes sense.  There is a reason why our amygdala's perk up and our fight or flight systems go into full activation when we are being criticized, shunned, bullied or rejected.  We are social animals and we are interdependent on one another for our survival whether it be a physical survival or a psychosocial survival. That is why "belonging" is the third tier  of Maslow's pyramid. 

Yet, this wanting and this fear does not belong to the soul...the essence beneath the body and mind and whatever set of circumstances it was born into or was called to endure in this lifetime. It belongs only to the body and mind.  

And, as Richards depicts so brilliantly in his characters, the Human Spirit is much greater than body, mind or circumstance.  As long as we are wanting to belong we are lost in the superficial layer of existence and not going deeper into where the Human Spirit is.  The brilliance and potential of human character to shine is being denied when we prefer the superficial over the depth. This desire for belonging/this fear of rejection stops us from expressing ourselves authentically and honestly, from honoring the truth of who we are beneath the surface layer of our existence. We will not grow in character. ...as say... John  Delano has done. 

Hmm! Well that is what I see as being meant by this quote. I am thinking of David Adams Richards this morning because I had the opportunity to see his new documentary The Geographies of DAR last evening and it was brilliant.  The cinematography was amazing depicting my area and the setting for the stories written by Richards so well. It blew me away and it inspired me so much to write. (And to photograph which I have not done in so long.)

David once offered to help me out in my writing by reviewing some of my work and helping me to get it published.  He is that kind of a person: humble, kind, and with a great love for Canadian literature and its writers.  I, feeling awkward (awe-struck) in his presence and assuming that I would never belong in the circle of great Canadian writers, did not take him up on his offer.  My fear of rejection...of being reminded I was not good enough...of not belonging was too great.  Sigh!  He is a very busy man and I also did not want to take advantage of his kindness by adding more busyness to his life.  

My wanting to belong ironically may be keeping me from belonging.

At the same time I take these words to heart and hear myself (or David saying in not so many words) , "You do not need to belong! You do not need approval from the Canadian literary scene. You just need to write. Just write!  It is not about what happens after you write...it is about the writing and the expression and the creation. So, just write and get it out there to someone ...it doesn't have to be everyone...but yes it has to be read to finish the circle. So find readers ( 200,000 or two-it doesn't matter) for what you write without fretting whether you will ever belong to the writer's circle. Belonging is not important to the Soul in you that wants you to write.   Do what It wants you to do: Write!! Life will take care of the rest."

All is well!

You need to see:

Monique Leblanc/ National Film Board of Canada ( October, 2023) The Geographies of DAR. https://vimeo.com/866878427

The Choice With Suffering

Hope you are prepared to suffer?...There are two types of suffering: The kind you run away from that follows you everywhere and the kind that you face and that's the gateway to freedom.

Jack Kornfield

We are all looking for peace...well not so much "looking for" but wanting to return to that state we are.  We can do it on two levels: we can avoid anything we feel might disturb us farther (as most of us do) or we can simply turn and face that which is disturbing us. 

When we take the first option  we tend to run from disturbance without ever getting away from it...we, in fact, create more disturbance in the long run.  Or we can turn around and face those challenging and difficult emotions that are emerging because of some trigger out there. 

Running From Suffering

 For example, someone pulls out in front of you while you pull out of an intersection and that triggers an old samskara or tendency in you (you unconsciously  want to avoid anything related to near accidents because you had a terrifying accident in the past...the emotional component of which you suppressed inside you because it was too challenging to deal with at the time of the accident). In a matter of seconds you are slamming on your brake, you feel this rush of blood and emotion pumping inside you. Automatically your hand goes to the horn and you start to beep, and honk, and beep...sending a lovely hand gesture to the car that pulls away with the red faced driver in it. It seems to take forever to get the heart rate and breathing back to normal.  You tremble all the way to work.  When you get there you have to tell everyone about this incident and the terrible stupid driver, who should never have a license, that cut you off. You think about it all day and fear having to go through that intersection again after work. You reacted to something disturbing ...you reacted to something you were trying to run away from for a long time ( the emotional energy of the accident you had years ago)...But you just cant seem to get away. 

If you make the other choice, however, and turn to that which is disturbing you, you  will do a multilevel healing. You can instead of running further away... push the door that is opening because of the disturbance...the reaction... all the way open and walk through it.  You can walk through the chatter of the mind...the painful thoughts, feelings and beliefs that seem to be pushing you out. It may be scary and confusing but if you see the door opening and know that on the other side of it is healing, you are more likely to walk through that gateway. 

Sure we have to recognize, acknowledge, allow and accept the disturbance at these gates  before we can walk through  but being willing to do so is what will save us. 

Face Suffering

If this person who nearly had an accident took the second option and just pulled over after the incident;  if they took a quiet moment to recognize what they were feeling in that moment, "Oh man that really scared me.  I feel terror and anger. I am reacting to this experience.  Maybe, it has something to do with the accident I had years ago? " , they would not have suffered in the way they did in the first scenario.  If they were to allow it, and to nurture self a little bit they would have had a different experience. Instead of following the desire to constantly push the samskara back down while they got lost in the reactivity of the incident, there  was always a better option. 

We can, in similar moments of reactivity, of suffering,  recognize what the mind is doing with the incident...recognize what the heart  and body are feeling...instead of pushing it back down...sit and be aware of it. We can find some love and compassion for it and for the self experiencing the momentary experience, our reaction to it, and to the old wounds that have been triggered.   We can notice the impersonal nature of it all .  "I am not the only person who reacts like this, who has this type of pain inside them." Then we can take that loving kindness and compassionate awareness and expand  it to others who may be suffering. 

This is what will bring us back to peace.  Facing suffering will take us where we want to go. 

Hmm! Well that is what I got from this.

All is well. 

Jack Kornfield/ The Knowledge Podcast (Jan 10, 2023) A Practical Guide on Finding Inner Peace.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D9ayv-y4XBo&t=19s

Sunlight

The sun could be used in the sense perceived Universe for God.  The sunlight comes from the sun giving life to everything here.  The sunlight is not separate from the sun.

Eckhart Tolle

All is well!

Noticing the Heart

 The yogi leaves the world alone...leaves the mind alone and with the power of witness consciousness becomes aligned and absorbed inside the heart.

Michael A. Singer 

Absolutely loved this talk this morning.  Contrary to what I have been taught in my years studying psychology, the heart is the root of all that goes on in the mind, not vice versa. The heart is sensitive and so often full of fear, sending its neurosis to the mind to deal with and in turn the mind becomes a drunk monkey stung by a scorpion. Hmm! As  yogis, we are not here to stop or change the mind.  We are here to simply notice and allow all to be while we lovingly and compassionately witness and understand the nature of our hearts.  The heart is the door that leads us from human tendency to spirit and higher consciousness.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe Talks ( November 13, 2023) The Healing Power of Conscious Presence. https://tou.org/talks/

More on Karma: Be a Mirror

 A mirror simply reflects everything. Nothing sticks to it; no residue is left upon it, and it never makes any judgements about what it reflects. It does not discriminate between pleasant and unpleasant; beautiful and ugly. 

Sadhguru

Words of wisdom from Sadhguru and the last half of Chapter Nine, Karma Yoga and the Energy Body:

Mukti: Freeing Self from Allotted Karma

I keep saying freedom from suffering is my goal...but now I am questioning if I am simply  wanting escape more so than liberation. What about you? Are you just doing the spiritual thing to escape difficulty, or are you  naturally wanting to evolve to the next level? The more we practice meditation and sitting, we are told, the quicker our karmic consequences will dissolve. 

• The longing for liberation or mukti, is not becasue life is miserable....The longing for liberation arises only when life is good, but you naturally want to evolve to the next dimension.  Page 184 
• Those who are able to sit still will find there karmic coil unwinds rapidly (Allotted Karma) Page 185

Aging, Illness and Dying

It was interesting to view this very natural process, of aging and dying in regards to karma. It is all about staying conscious and aware.

• When the pranic (energy) body is feeble it will slip out of the body...death by old age...not being forced out of the body; you are naturally moving out. Page 186
• how rapidly you empty your Allotted Karma depends on how swiftly you are willing to move from one aspect of life to another.  Page 186
• if you function unconsciously, your karma rules you absolutely. As soon as you function with some awareness, the power of karma over your life weakens Page 187
• the human being cannot function without karma Page 188
• If our pursuit of external science and technology were accompanied by the pursuit for inner well being, this would be less of an issue.  Page 188

Responsibility.

We are responsible for our karma.

• If you live with this sense of responsibility, your tendencies will not rule you, and your future will not mimic the past. Page 187

Samadhi

That state we strive for in our spiritual practice, often without knowing what it is, is samadhi. 

• samadhi: an absolutely equanimous state of intellect where you are unable to distinguish between the concepts of you and the other; this or that; here or there...a state of samdhi Page 189
• A mirror simply reflects everything. Nothing sticks to it; no residue is left upon it, and it never makes any judgements about what it reflects. It does not discriminate between pleasant and unpleasant; beautiful and ugly. When your mind becomes like this, you are in a state of samadhi...Page 189
• mahasamadhi...ultimate aim for yogi...ultimate dissolution of the limited identity..a voluntary relinquishments of the physical, mental, and energy bodies...giving up the limited for the unlimited Page 190
• instead of sitting on the beach, you choose to become the ocean. You choose to move from limited pleasure to the unfathomable ecstasy of boundless existence Page 190

The Purpose of Yoga

The purpose of yoga is to lose the identity and become the equanimous, indiscriminate  One.

• The purpose of yoga is to open up various spaces within you that are not you. Page 191
• Initially this "not you" component is just a speck but if nurtured with practice as karmic debris is cleared away...the space gradually expands until it occupies everything within you. Page 191
• in this space you are truly "meditative".  You are now in a state of equanimity- of samadhi-when the dance of duality no longer touches you. ..You are not identified with the game of me and you anymore.  Page 191
• Existentially, no distinctions exists between the life of one being and the life of another...Page 193

On Healing and Being Healed

The healing process can be viewed differently than how we were conditioned to view it when we consider the role of Karma.  Instead of getting rid of the affliction we may begin to view it as possibly having some deeper meaning, We do not attempt to merely  get rid of the effect but look deeply into the cause so we can  transcend or offer transcendence from there. 

• when you heal, you are only appeasing the karmic effect.  You do not have the capacity to take away the cause. If you merely remove the effect, the cause will take effect in some other way.   Page 195
• So do not seek to remove the effect. The effect is only an indicator of a problem; by merely erasing it, you are only enabling the seeds of the problem to manifest in some other way. Page 195
• Pain is an opportunity to bring awareness to your system so you can investigate what is wrong.  Page 195
• never intervene with the karmic process...just help hasten it if you can Page 196
• if you do some spiritual practice, you can handle the  problem from within and minimize its impact on you,  Page 197
• what you may see as mere pain in someone else is also sometimes fuel to make them grow...Page197
• don't attempt to alleviate it...help them go beyond it...Page 197
• The ultimate guidance you can offer is to help someone transcend their suffering Page 197
• ...there is a way out of suffering.  Even though there is a pain, there need be no suffering. The ability to see this difference is the supreme human attainment...Page 197
• not offering temporary relief, but a permanent solution Page 197

Suggested Sadhana

Sadhguru offers a practice...falling off to sleep as if you are falling into death. Makes me think of why we do the corpse pose at teh end of each hatha practice...a reminder to die to be reborn.

• Sadhana...remind self that everything you consider to be yourself is an acquired identity...remind self that all memory is accumulation...detach and put away everything that is acquired including memory, thoughts, feelings , emotions
• See your sleep as impending death (corpse pose)
• If you fall asleep as if you are dying, you will see that your karma barely has any impact on you...199 

All is well.

Sadhguru ( 2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New york: Harmony Books 

On Great Literature and Drama (G.O.T.)

 The Dragon Knew

 Over the crumbling city and the death cries 

of those lost beneath it,

the throne so many longed for, 

killed for, 

died for 

is destroyed by one fiery breath 

One thousand sought after swords 

forged by the same fire, 

now  melted into ashes 

by the grieving roar of a beast 

who understood what Lord Krishna and the Buddha knew:

Desire...being attached to the fruit of action... 

is the root of all human  suffering...

Put down your swords, 

your  useless titles and claims, 

learn what the dragon knew, 

and like a flake of Snow 

returning to an endless winter, 

merge with the Life you are. 

Me

(This is not what I meant by great art lol.  It just came out.)

We just finished binging Game of Thrones...the first six seasons we seen years ago  but the last two were new to us. So we went back and started at the beginning. We  binged, I mean, we binged, drawn to every episode like a heroin addict is drawn to their drug. It obsessed us.  That is what great storytelling does.  

What an amazing mind Martin has...what talent. He was able to depict the human tendency, the human drama so well even if his genre was fantasy. And the producers, who took this epic tale and brought it to film in a way that drew the audience in like it did, were brilliant as well. 

How lucky we are as humans to have this type of entertainment, to have art, literature, drama etc to enjoy, express, learn from  and distract with . (Well binging the way we did  may be a bit too much distracting lol) 

There is an essence in great art that goes way beyond the mind. It must be a gift from a higher source to enhance our journeys here. Those that create it are blessed with something that comes from a deeper place than psyche. I truly believe that.

There are messages and life lessons hidden in all of it, as well.  If we look hard enough, we will find it.

All is well.

Expanding the Focus from Negativity

 If you want to have a nice life, come from a nice place.

Michael A. Singer

I am negative?

Yesterday, as ego-embarrassing as it was to be that exposed, I shared how negative I was. (Well, I really wasn't negative, I was just staring at something that was negative...my  perceiving and believing was negative...will get to that in a bit.) Up until that point I was so busy focusing on the negative things happening "out there" that I didn't focus enough on what is happening "in here." Until one is aware of what truly is going on inside, it would seem that we are experiencing the consequence of negative karma. One might even think that I was been punished for something "wrong" I did in this past life or another.

Karma: The Result of a Myopic View

 This wasn't punishment! It was  simply the consequence of a narrowed and myopic view.  That is what Karma often is. I was staring, in a very unclear way, at what seemed to be happening negatively  "to me," and then "in me". I was staring at this or that negative thing out there; I was then staring at this negative feeling and that negative thought stream in here as a result. All of this narrowly focused, but blurry view, was coming from a bunch of samskaras and deeply stuffed core beliefs that were rising to the surface. I was seeing through the lens of old stuffed impressions that blurred and distorted what I was looking at. I was then bumping into Life...because I was not seeing well...and then reacting with resistance to the stubbed toes.  I went from blaming Life for being so darned difficult, to blaming myself for any bad things I must have done in this life or another to deserve such punishment. After gaining a bit more understanding about karma from the masters, and after a  few too many swollen toes, I had to ask, "What is really  happening here?" 

Inner not Outer

 I see now that it was truly all about what was happening in me...not what was going on out there. It surprised me, and even shamed me, to see how negative my inner experience actually was. More than that it floored me to be able to make the link between my inner experience and what I was receiving from Life on the outside.  My inner experience which was an accumulation of all the things I stuffed over the years: my traumas, my pain, my dreams, my  beliefs and feelings, my perceptions and ideas, led to some pretty intense inner reactions and that in turn led to some less than joyful outer reactions. The light I was shining out there was pretty dim when it could have  been so bright. This then, in turn, led to life events that were lacking light. Karma.

I wasn't coming from a nice place, and my world did not seem so nice as a result.  

The Observer, not the Observed

I was also getting all caught up in what I was focusing on.  I thought it was me. I thought I was negative when I was merely staring at what was negative. Singer reminds us that we are not that which we are observing. We are that which is observing.  We are an emanation of the One light of consciousness.  We are brilliant, powerful  and transcendent, unharmed and undisturbed by anything this light shines on. The problem is we take this amazing, expansive light, and using the power of will, focus it down on something that is not brilliant, not powerful and that is easily disturbed.  We focus it down on the "me", the psyche...on this little tiny speck of dust, one speck of 8 billion on a little planet in a vast and spacious universe. Then, if you are like me, we narrow the focus even more, down onto the negative experiences this little me is having, on the problems and challenges.  So narrow and obsessive is our focus, we fail to see anything else. We get lost in what we are seeing; we see it as our identity.  We say things like "I am depressed," when really we, who we are...this lights of consciousness... can never be depressed or tainted by depression.  We are just simply shining our light on depression.  We could be shining this light on anything else, everything else but when we say "I am depressed"...we are narrowing that beam to the depression this one of 8 billion specks is experiencing.

I am not negative!

I am not negative.  I am just narrowing this brilliant light of who I am down on these inner and outer experiences I judge as unpleasant and negative. Wow!

Singer also reminds us that we are not just human beings  or victims to  pleasant and unpleasant experiences, we are God focusing on human stuff. It is all just human stuff we are shining our awareness on.  We are the awareness itself.

Compassion

Hmm!  He also reminds us of how compassion is the highest emotional experience we can have.  We need to look upon our negativity with compassion...understand where it comes from. Instead of trampling down self with self...we are better off being compassionate for our human tendencies.  So many of us get sucked in by these narrow views and get lost in "me".  

Understand why. Instead of denying negativity...accept it, embrace it, look at it deeply as a result of a pain that wasn't dealt with.  Be compassionate with self as we transcend these tendencies.  And from there we can be understanding and compassionate with others who are still reacting from their narrowed focuses. 

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe (November 12, 2023) Understanding Focus, Distraction, and Universal Awareness https://tou.org/talks/

Challenging Negativity Induced Karma with Awareness

 

...if you function unconsciously, your karma rules you absolutely. As soon as you function with some awareness, the power of karma over your life weakens. 

Sadhguru, Karma: page 187

I was thinking of "negativity" again and the effects it can have on our external events giving the appearance that the cause  for it is "out there," not "in here".  But sigh...it is all "in here."

Unconscious and Ruled by Karma

I have been punched around a bit, it seems, by Life simply doing what Life does. Without knowing I was doing it, I personalized it and made it all about what Life was doing to "me".   I once again became a bit punch drunk  resulting in a familiar perspective. My eyelids  were swollen  so I could only open them enough to see the bloody mess around me. There seemed to be more darkness than light. I had my gloved fists in front of my heart protecting it from other blows. That led to a self protective constriction. There seemed to be only fear and trickles of  "That's okay, make the best of it" coming from it. Where  was this wonderful shakti flow I read so much about? This joy? I was exhausted so the ability to move around and away from other hits seemed diminished. I was tense and reactive. It felt that everyone and everything was there to whop me on the head.   It looked like things were challenging and may remain so possibly forever. I didn't even consider the option of getting out of the ring. It seemed like my destiny to be there taking the beating. 

A Limiting Perspective: Peace with What is

 I was trying to find acceptance and therefore peace in my present set of circumstances. I was telling myself again that,  "It is all okay, what happens to "me" doesn't matter anyway.  I want "me" gone and Life is simply scraping/punching the remains of "me" away."  Yet, at the same time I was clinging like crazy to the identity of this "me" (as yesterday's poem shows) so I felt each blow that connected with my body or mind. There was no hope of winning...no hope of gaining joy and freedom...I couldn't see a way out of the ring. It became all about accepting and then surviving what Life was giving me. That's it. I was focusing this amazing light of consciousness on what I could see in the ring from my beat up body and mind. I was staring on something so limiting and negative.  I got swallowed up into that focus....again.

From there I went from wondering why there was so much negative crap falling down around me to accepting it all as something I deserved.  I slipped back into the old erroneous ways I looked at karma. Looking out at life circumstances from this perspective, it seemed a little bleak....challenge after challenge, drawing in negative circumstances like the violent attack a few weeks ago. Awareness of my childrens' suffering intensified leading to thoughts about my fault as a parent...to guilt and shame...fear...more awareness of their suffering etc. I was made aware again and again about my financial situation...any attempt to get out of it seemed to fail.  I was so sure no one would hire me or help me in anyway. I was dealing with physical pain again and felt hopeless in ever having that dealt with, let alone eliminated. The potential to reach people with my writing seemed thwarted...like it would never happen...like I was doing it all for nothing...leading to feelings of defeat and a sense of "I am just not good enough.  Who did I think I was?" It kept getting darker and darker inside me like the November sky.

Not Noticing= Intensifying Karma

And I didn't notice just how negative   my mind set was getting.  I, who spends so much time examining my own mind, didn't quite see how negative I  was thinking and perceiving.  I was all caught up in this idea of "Accepting what is!", removing the "me",  and seeing the 10,000 sorrows as a part of Life.  I didn't notice that the  deep core belief that says "You deserve to suffer...only suffer. It isn't going to get any better for you.  Make the most of it.  Light? No, get used to the darkness. That is your destiny," had resurfaced. And that I was operating from it. 

I was percolating that negative energy in me and then I was putting it out there. The world around me was simply responding to this mindset...to the actions my body, mind and energies were performing based on it.  Still, I kept praying for something out there to change...praying for a break of some kind that would eliminate at least part of the suffering. I was looking "out there" as both  the cause of my suffering and as the solution. I slipped back into old ways of dealing with life.

The Ripple Effect of  Negative Assumption

 Yes, karmic consequence was manifesting in my life but it had nothing to do with any outside punishment that I deserved.  It had to do only with what I was putting out there from in here. I was assuming things that were not true and acting out on these assumptions...physically, mentally, and energetically. For example, I was so sure that when I didn't hear back right away about a little job opportunity, that it had been decided that I wasn't worthy of it. I was convinced that it was decided this person I call "me", who has so much education, experience, skill, creativity, potential etc, was deemed unworthy of such a position.  So, with that assumption in mind I walked away from the opportunity...I did not pursue it further. Did not seek to challenge my assumption. The energy of my emerging  samskaras  and core belief bubbled and boiled inside me and I unknowingly kept putting it out there.  

As a result, other life circumstances based on it kept coming back into my "awareness": made aware again and again of my financial situation, made aware of how little readership I was getting and that I would likely never make it as a writer/motivator and how embarrassing it was for me to even assume that there might have been a chance at one time, made aware of all the broken things in my house that I cannot afford to fix as well as the financial situation of my children that I also could not fix.  The dog got sick leading to an expensive vet bill.  Others got sick around me.  My pain came back and I knew there was nothing I could do about that. 

All this led to other reactions on my part which led to other life consequences etc. I started thinking and living like a "poor person" not caring about the state of my house or my own appearance. I stopped considering trying to publish again and gave up on all the  stuff I have out there now thinking there is no use. It just isn't good enough. I am not good enough.  So, I, in turn, did not seek to give to the reader or get any positive feedback that would say otherwise. I let my house fall to pieces and told the children that in my "poor state" I could not help them...we would have to be "poor" together.  Went into even more debt. Assumed we were all going to get sick and die eventually and that there was nothing we could do about it.  I gave up hope of ever getting a diagnosis for my pain. I was closed, withdrawn, snappy and reactive around certain others I was harboring resentment towards increasing the experience of stress in the household and in "me". 

Praying for A Break

From here...this place of assuming the worst about myself and Life...I went from praying for something out there to change just a bit to make my life easier, to praying for the ability to accept Life exactly as it was.  The latter was more likely to be answered. ..  I found some peace in acceptance but not joy. I assumed that "joy" was beyond what I deserved...starting the whole cycle over again. Crazy!!!

A Crack that Lets Light In

Then as I was attempting to study and understand Karma better, as I was practicing my kriya and karma yoga...and when Life answered my prayers for a bit of a break ...(that came in the form of me feeling more open in the presence of my grandson every week)...some light came in to this place I didn't even realize was so dark.  I saw how different it all appeared in the light...even if it was just a trickle. Something in me opened. I opened my eyes enough to question if  I was actually in a boxing ring with Life.  Maybe it was just my mind.  I decided to test out my previous assumption. 

Challenging Assumptions In the Light

I pursued the job opportunity again and discovered it was simply that the other was so busy she couldn't get back to me.  I now have the little part time position that will suit me much better than what I had been doing. Income without exhausting myself.  I felt this trust in Life opening up inside me again.  She was no longer my opponent. Some money started coming in from other resources. I was drawn, for some inexplicable reason, back to an article I published years ago to see all these amazing comments on it about how what I had written was so helpful and appreciated. I was getting to readers. The sick others around me started to get better.  Hope and help started appearing in their lives a little bit.  The external events were becoming positive.  Why? Because I was opening up to the positive energy within me!!

Karma is an Inside Game

When I judged and reacted to life situations that were unpleasant, I felt negative...I percolated this negativity inside me...I then put negative energy "out there"...I perceived, thought, emoted and acted negatively and I received negativity in return.  That is karma! It is not some metaphysical down pouring of bad luck and penance...it is simply the consequence of what we brew inside and pour outward.

Life was not punishing me! It was never  that there were no positive, life affirming, situations' out there, as well, when I was experiencing what seemed negative but because of my mindset, I was only focused on those situations that reinforced the belief that I deserve to struggle through life. This gave the illusion of being punched and punched again by the "negativity of life".  When all along it was just the negativity of my mind that was accumulating karma.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will...we need to step back and view it from a wider perspective.  When we feel like we are being beaten down...we need to look deeply into that assumption and challenge it.  "Is this true?  Is this belief that I am being punished by Life because I deserve to be valid?  How can I test it?  " Test it...look for the positive and life affirming that shows the untruths of these assumptions.  They are out there.  Widen your lens and capture the beauty as well as the ugliness; the light as well as the darkness, the opportunity as well as the challenge and the joy as well as the sorrow." 

All is well!

Rustling Leaves and Letting Go

 

Rustling Leaves

Rustling,

like Oak leaves,

persistently clinging

to a season that has past,

thoughts blow and rattle about

in my mind.

Scratching a variety of

distracting sounds

into the bark that hides my soul,

the browning instruments of psyche

play a convincing song 

of Dukkha

that draws me in.

Ever changing their direction,

blowing this way and that way,

soothing me one moment,

annoying me the next,

they hold my attention in the crinkling folds

of their melody.

 

What thirsty, thirsty leaves

dying has made them.

Desperately they suck  the sap from

my near frozen roots

up to the surface where I,

breathless from anticipation,

wait for the snow to

lay over the broken mess

they have created,

hiding my inner death

from the world.

.

The sky is bleak and grey

in this silver November light,

the earth around me decaying openly.

There is no snow.

I long for the snow that will cover 

all this ugly dying.

 

No sooner do I pray for the

white blanket to hide under

that I feel the icy chill

as the fluid of Life once again

plummets to the darkness below.

Up and down I am pulled and drained,

I laugh and weep,

I hope and seek relief.

Yet,

numb from the late 

Autumn rain and wind

I perceive around me,

I cling, I still cling,

to these dry brittle leaves 

of my identity.

I plant down into the earth.

Steadfast I stand

against the ferocious, 

unpredictable weather 

and hold with all my might,

to this which is familiar.

But over the noise that is created,

by my resistance,

a sweet and gentle Voice, 

barely heard,

whistles through my weary branches:

"Let go!  Just Let go!

This that you hold onto means nothing."

It is only when I uncurl my mental fingers,

only when I relax the grip

I have on these lifeless leaves

will I do as Nature urges…

.

It is only when I give up  

that which is in the way,

and in silence and stillness

watch as they scatter off

in a wind-swept ballet of perfection,

will I breathe the way nature truly intends;

will I sigh and sink back into 

the steadiness of my trunk

to feel the peace of Life's

seasonal soothing mantra

filling me to the core.

Only when I stop clinging

and let go,

will I know

what it is to be alive,

and only then will I finally be

free 

of death’s rustling hold.

Dale-Lyn, July 2018 (Reworked)

Redirecting the Energy

Energy is useful only if you direct it in the ways you want. That is when a human being transforms into a spiritual possibility. 

Sadhguru

 I just listened to Michael A. Singer's podcast from yesterday on Energy and synchronistically opened up to the chapter I am at in Sadhguru's book, Karma, to discover that too was about energy.  I would like to just connect the similar points in each teaching. 

It is all about transforming the energy. 

Yoga, according to both teachers, is  based on the premise that all form is energy and vibration that emerges from a state of no-thing. Even though the form may change it is still energy. 

• But do not forget the source from which it had sprung. The source may be no-thing, but implicit in it is great possibility: the possibility to become everything....page 176
• Singer, also points out, that beneath all form is energy or vibrations and that yoga always taught that and now science is also doing the same with the discoveries it is making studying the sub-sub-atomic particles: quarks, bosons and leptons.

The practice of yoga helps to transform this energy from a lower state to a higher state.We can work on the energy body, raise our energy levels through yoga.  Kriya yoga is mentioned by both as a direct way to work with the energies in the body. Sadhguru warns that though Kriya is not structured to harm us, we must work on all aspects of the being ...mental, emotional, social  and physical ...at the same time we raise the energy levels. (That is why most Kriya is for those initiated in the process)

Both agree that all aspects of yoga (the eight limbs) are important in merging the fire of purification with the light of illumination. Prana through pranayama is the part of yoga that helps to merge fire with light.  If we want to change the direction our lives are going in, we should attempt to purify first, to practice dealing with life and our karma...what Sadhguru describes as a recycling of old energy we had stuffed inside in the form of vasanas and what Singer refers to as samskaras...that which drives us forward throughout life. (This could encompass loosely the first three limbs) The practice of the fifth limb of yoga: Pratyahara ( inner reflection); the sixth limb: dharana(single pointed concentration); and the 7th limb Dhyana (a state of merging into meditation)....can help prepare us for Samadhi the goal of our practice...dissolving into nothingness.back into life itself.

• with a constant practice, the aspiration is to unburn the pot, to dissolve it into pure clay. You are melting teh frozen complex of habits and predispositions into pure energy. Sadhguru, 178
• Only when your energies become this fluid can you sit and meditate...This is becasue you have now become pure life: you are no longer a bundle of thoughts and impressions. You are in a state of receptivity and grace....Sadhguru, page 178
• Transformation means you lose your original form and are completely willing to take on new forms. You become an unburnt pot....page 179

Singer says (paraphrased):

• You are a great being of energy...you are the highest vibration there is but you are staring at lower energy
• If your consciousness stopped looking at physical form and mental and emotional form...you would realize Self...go back to consciousness itself 

Al lis well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (November 9, 2023) Energy-The Dance Between Consciousness and Form.https://tou.org/talks/

Sadhguru (2021) Karma: A Yogi's Guide to Crafting Your Destiny. New York: Harmony Books

Teaching: The Functional Thing I Do

 And what a spiritual teacher does is point out the possibility of awakening out of identification with unconscious patterns which means the spiritual teacher teaches you to go beyond karma. And that is your function and will become increasingly  you will find, in your life whether you become a formal teacher or an informal teacher...{[It is] merely a functional thing...[because]any form identity is an illusion.}

Eckhart Tolle

Can you call yourself a 'Teacher'?

Hmm! I seldom call myself a teacher.  Mostly for more practical reasons than spiritual.  I worked as an educator in the adult learning environment, in some form or another, from 2000 until I retired early in 2019 for health reasons.  I never called myself a teacher then, though others referred to me as such. The term "Teacher" here, where I come from, is reserved to those certified in K-12 education.  My certification is in Adult Education so that title of 'Teacher' does not refer to me nor do I need it to.  I would refer to myself as instructor, or educator when I taught.  I loved it when book reps would refer to me as "professor", assuming that was my title because I worked in the college setting. (stroked my ego a bit lol)   Colleges in my part of the world also differ from universities so I was never a professor either.  I taught yes...it is what I did...but I could not and did not call myself a teacher.

To me, 'Teacher' is just a word, just a title, just a form of identity, just an illusion. I never was a teacher, just someone who taught.

What about now? Are you a spiritual teacher?

No, I am still very reluctant to use the word teacher.  I am pointing out the possibility of awakening and going beyond karma...yes...but I feel I am doing it more as a student than as a teacher. I am a lifelong student of Life :) That is how I would identify myself if I had to. I am just learning and sharing what I am learning.

Why are you sharing?

Hmm! That is a good question.  I still don't know for sure other than I feel absolutely compelled to.  My ego, that used to identify as  Educator in the formal setting, doesn't like it lol? It keeps saying things like, "Oh my goodness what if a former colleague or student reads this or sees you on a video talking about 'this stuff" ...what will they think?  You used to teach science based courses! This is so embarrassing for us." and "Besides... how demoralizing it is to see such few readers and listeners. The big spiritual bloggers and vloggers are getting thousands and even millions of followers and you are getting what?  In the last 24 hours: 5?  Aren't you embarrassed about that?  I am. You are putting us out there in our undies...and  for what?  To be the most unread blog in the spiritual community ...the laughing stock? Where is your dignity?" 

Oh ego...lol...such a pain. I can only shrug my shoulders when I hear that chatter going on in my head and say, "I gotta do it anyway.  What is thought of "me" is insignificant.  This message is everything. I just gotta do it even though there is so little readership....just in case one person gets something from it.  And we were told that there were people out there getting something from it, right? Even if it was only a few. Isn't that enough for you? ( And the less readership, the less embarrassed you have to feel, right?)  I have selfish motives, anyway.  I am learning the more I do this. We are learners, you know that.  We didn't gain all those university credits because we wanted to waste our money, did we? I mean you had different motives than I had ( you wanted to become some title, gain some social approval from it; I just loved the learning)  but still, it all worked out the way it was meant to leading us right here where we are.  It has led us to experience educating and that has led me here. Sorry Bud, for embarrassing you.  But really what is a bit of embarrassment?  You are not going to be around much longer and when you leave so does the embarrassment, and the fear and worry over what people think.  So will the "me'. It will just be the sharing of what is being learned driving this vessel around then. So just be patient with  this functional thing I am doing without your approval. We don't have to call it teaching.  It is simply learning for me. It is all good.  Besides I couldn't stop doing it if I wanted to right now.  The pull is too great."

What is an ego going to say to that lol?   

All good.  All is well in my functional world. 

Eckhart Tolle ( Jan, 2023) You Can Go Beyond Karma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgSPEkD16ss

Eckhart Tolle( May, 2023) What is KarmaYoga? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3YRKMB-TIg

What I learned from Eckhart Tolle about Karma

 

It is our destiny to go beyond karma by being the receptacle for presence....

Eckhart Tolle 

I appreciate Eckhart Tolle's take on karma and karmic accumulation.  It seems to blend in with the understanding I have been gaining about it.  Karma, according to him, is the unconscious conditioning that runs your life. ...Karmic meaning unconscious patterns that you usually identify with and that take you over completely.

What is unconscious conditioning and where does it come from?

Environment

Well, we are obviously conditioned by our environments and how we grew up, right? We are conditioned to perceive, believe, receive and deceive by our parents who were conditioned by the way they grew up, by the communities we are born into with their histories, traditions, cultures and by geography ( what part of the globe we ended up on) .  We are conditioned by our social systems, our religions, and our educational institutions. We are conditioned by the people around us: what they say to us, what they do to us etc. We are conditioned by the external events we encounter along the way in this lifetime.

What about this notion that karma is also carried over from our ancestors or our own previous lives? 

Ancestors

Hmm! We are probably aware to some extent at least of the genetic loads we carry from our ancestors.  I. for example, come from a long line of Celts...I therefore carry the genetic transcription on my DNA that makes my eyes blue. I have inherited my grandfather's and my father's heart condition, the Dupuytren's gene that many of my ancestors have had.  I also inherited certain traits stereotypically known to be a part of my Celtic ancestry.  I carry a foot tapping love for certain music in me, a sense of humour, a tendency to procrastinate, the love of words (there is a long line of writers in that ancestry) and a bit of a temper ( which I have learned to diminish greatly with my practice lol). Why wouldn't I then carry some of their memories?  Like the fear of going hungry, a fear of being marginalized and persecuted...and a certain resentment towards authority. I will likely carry all the "wrong-doings" of my ancestors which in their traditions would have been called "sins", as well.  What have my ancestors done in Ireland or here based on their fear reactions?  What part did my ancestors have to play in the persecution of others like our First nations people when they settled here? That is all in me...among a million other things I inherited. We do inherit a lot of conditioning/karma from our ancestors whether we like to believe we do or not!

Past Lives?

Whether you believe in reincarnation or not, Tolle reminds us that reincarnation is simply about being incarnated again and again back into the world of form. Sure that can mean from one physical body to the next but we are also constantly reincarnating into the world of form when we slip back into this conscious identification with unconsciousness so many times a day in this lifetime...when we slip out of the presence we are and back  into the "me" of the form world as we tend to do so often. I also believe I was born into the life situation I was born into for a reason...something before this lifetime set the conditions for my experience here. So regardless of the truth of reincarnation, some of  the conditioning in this being that I am , I believe, was set before I even took my first breath. 

What we do with the Conditioning and Reactivity = Karma

So, there is so much conditioning inside us. Throughout this mental and emotional conditioning, we collect and store things in a "This is great! I want more of this!" pile and the " That was terrible!  I never want to experience that again!" pile. Because of the what, who,  where, when, why, and how of this life time (and others) we are conditioned to think a certain way, to believe certain things, to view the world and ourselves a certain way and therefore to act and react a certain way.  We have habit tendencies and patterns. We become that person that likes this or likes that; that feels this way or that way; that is prone to this or that tendency or that acts in a certain way. Our conditioning becomes who we think we are. That makes sense right? If I have somehow determined through my conditioning that people could not be trusted, I will perceive untrustworthiness in others, I may habitually withdraw from contact with others, I may live in fear and act out in fear (developing a pattern of attacking others before they attack me).  This may lead to life events where I am alone and isolated a lot...lonely...and I may become ill mentally or physically because of all this anger and fear I am unconsciously holding onto. This is my karma playing out.

Inside, not Outside

The thing to know though is that karma is not coming from outside...it is inside. It is not the external events that are karmic in nature, it is how we react to these karmic events that lead to the lives we are living. The responsibility for it is not "out there" either.  It is in me.  That also means the only way I will understand it enough to free myself  of it...is if I take responsibility for it and go inward to look deeply into my habit tendencies, patterns, stored stuff ( which are my samskaras). I have to bring this conditioning from unconsciousness into consciousness so it can be experienced and released.  

Presence

This must be done in presence Tolle reminds us.  Release of karma is equivalent to the release of identification with "little me" and our dramas.  It comes with accepting what is as it is in this moment without the habitual tendency driving us into the future or back into the past. We need to be accepting and embracing the here and now so we do not react and slip back into old habit tendencies when these samskaras remerge. We need to be conscious.  Awareness is everything and awareness can only be present. 

The only thing that can free you is the arising of presence.

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle( May, 2023) What is Karma Yoga? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K3YRKMB-TIg

Eckhart Tolle ( Jan, 2023) You Can Go Beyond Karma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UgSPEkD16ss

Eckhart Tolle ( 2022) Inviting Presence and Inviting Good Karma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BHXiiJpSvZ4