Illness, An Opportunity to Evolve

 Nothing real can be threatened

Nothing unreal exists

Here in lies the peace of God. 

A Course in Miracles

Love cannot be hurt.

That line from Michael Singer reminded me of the opening line in ACIM. What is real...love...is eternal, unconditional, and omnipresent.  It is the only real thing there is. It is everywhere.  It is in us...It us.  But instead of living in its flow in the heart chakra, most of us are stuck in the ego of the third chakra. 

How do we experience life through the heart chakra?  How do we get out of the stuckness of the third chakra? How do we stop closing to love because of our fear of getting hurt?

It doesn't take any more time to work on yourself. Just need to relax into those things you habitually resist. For those things that come up that were suppressed and repressed...honor their right to pass through.

Your past, by the way, is okay...forgive, let it go, be open....Don't you dare judge yourself becasue of your past. There is not a single thing that ever happened to you, that you did or that happened to you, that was not for your growth. 

Guilt leads to more samskaras and stagnation. Remorse leads to growth and release of our samskaras.

  Remorse is feeling the release in the heart of that which was making you behave like that. 

"Every minute of my Life is an opportunity to evolve." 

Life pushes you to face yourself. 

I would really like to know this is true. As I am dealing with this dark night of the soul and this movement of energy within me, bringing samskaras to the surface, I find my physical and mental health impacted.  

I have another bug...what my body and mind judge as a "nasty one". Was unable to sleep much through the night once the Tyelenol wore off. The throat was so sore...the worse its been since when it started five days ago. It got pretty dark for an hour or so. My thoughts got pretty negative. I was fevered and chilled thinking, "Oh man this thing has gone bacterial on me again, hasn't it? This mouth thing I had for over a year never cleared up completely and now I might have a frigging Strep Throat because of it!" And as I lay there thinking about all the antibiotics I was on over the last year to prevent an IE and the way it disturbed my natural flora leading to the growth of opportunistic infections  I told myself, "No more antibiotics!" I also thought about  how sick I was at Christmas with what I knew to be pneumonia and the promise I made to myself after the ER visit...that I would not go back to the ER unless I was unconscious in the back of an ambulance...I told myself I am letting nature take care of this one.  I surrendered. "Thy will; not my will be done." I was literally okay with the prospect of getting septic or an IE should they be the outcome of not seeking help. I just did not care at that point. I was exhausted with dealing with all this suffering around me and in me and decided I did not want to fight for or struggle against anything in this life any longer. I wanted to relax into all of it. I wanted to give it all up to the powers that be. I did not want to be the one constantly seeking to be heard so I could stay alive. I knew I  definitely wanted to honor this life I have been given and any soul contract I may have made. I would continue on as long as I could learning, growing, and loving but I was not going to live in fear of what could happen to this body. I knew so clearly then this body was not who I was. I felt ready to go home anytime.

So, I relaxed into the pain and the thinking and I felt a certain peace. When I got up and took some Tylenol...I began to feel better physically and mentally. I don't think I am dying anymore lol but I am still okay in knowing that this body could expire at anytime. Such is the way of this life. I am not this body. In the meantime, I want to use whatever time I have to simply love and relax into whatever suffering and joy  unfolds in front of and inside of this human I call "me".

Sigh! All is well.