Accepting pain as help for purification...constitues Yoga in practice.
The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali's : Book Two; 1...page 75
Okay...so I have really been feeling something like fire or pain twirling and whirling in my core over the last few days...in the area between the solar plexus and sacral chakra...I mean like a literal whirling and twirling around this big knot. Of course, rational mind slips in and says "Gastritis! You could have an ulcer from all the stress your body has endured over the course of your life time...or maybe from the meds. You have been on a proton pump inhibitors way too long...and going off them the way you did probably caused some rebound effect." There is likely a very physical explanation for what is going on here to a point. This gut is burning for some reason.
Tapas means" to burn or create heat". Anything burned out will be purified. pg 75
At the same time I find myself feeling up one moment, down the next. I can slip into a relaxation or meditation so easily but in between I feel all restless, and anxious even. I feel bored one minute...like I have to do something stat, and the next moment I feel like this not doing is exactly what I am supposed to be not-doing lol. I feel at one moment all caught up in the drama I have been called into, and the next moment I am back and away from it, observing it all in a very neutral and objective way. Throughout all that is unfolding in front or me and around me, the belly has periods of releasing...as if the twirling flame is moving up and out of me. At those moments I feel relaxed, calm, peaceful...then the whirling will start again. At those moments I feel anxious, ungrounded maybe. It is weird...not sure if the physical sensation is causing the emotional sensation or vice versa. Not sure it even matters. I am just acutely aware of this human's physical and emotional experience...probably more so than ever.
I would like to think that what is happening is a samskara release...that this knot in my gut which holds my old life-limiting core beliefs, my shame and fear, and most of "my" past trauma energy is being shook up by the "chi" or "shakti" beneath it, that I am calling forth through my practice and yes through my itention. Yes, I set a clear intention for openness, purification , healing and the ability to live Life through Love. I even created a sigel. I can't yet trust that this might work not only because of the woo-woo attached to itthat challenges old paradigms, but because of this core belief arising from the shaking up...that convinces me that things are not going to work out for this human, "they never do". With all this burning and this tumbling around in there...sparks of these core beliefs are being thrown up and around and I cannot help but notice them. I do not want to ignore them ,avoid them, or resist them. I want to observe them...look deeply into them as Thich Nhat Hanh would encourage someone to do, so they will feel seen enough to leave.
I hope all this discomfort is simply a part of the purification and healing process that I so want to happen. In that case, I will just sit with it and see where it takes this human I call "me".
Trauma Release- It takes time, patience, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. Counselling Center Group
All is well.
Sri Swami Satchidananda ( 2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications
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