How do I get done [of ego's pull]?
By going through the experiences Life puts you through.
As I have been writing about observing my own ego at work in challenging moments, of seeing its pull, noticing my habit tendency of moving towards this pull...and knowing that I no longer want to go where it is taking me...I discover that Michael A. Singer's podcsts are serendipitously going in that same direction. Go figure.
I want to be done with ego. Not like in a 'breakup because you suck' way but in an "I don't need to listen to you or follow your dramatic directions anymore" way. My goal or motive ( I guess I still have a motive...my bad) is to be peaceful in each moment no matter what Life offers me, not needing or wanting to change what unfolds in any way.
Singer reminds us that even when we feel we are done with ego, ego is not done with us. Ego with its concern about the opinion of other people, its need to be recognized and accepted; its fears and worries; its nagging need to control and manipulate the outside world so it feels okay inside; and all its defenses and attacks is just doing what it does. It is simply being an ego. And it isn't going anywhere. It doesn't have to.
When we are in an unhealthy relationship and reach the point that we no longer want this relationship to continue as it is because we do not like the way we are feeling and behaving in it...it is not up to the other person to leave or change. It is up to us to own what we have been doing and walk away.
How do you walk away from someting that is a part of you, crazy lady?
First of all, ego is not a part of us...it isn't even real. But we have created a deeply rooted mental construct and as long as we are seeing ourselves as "I's" and "mes", ego will seem like a part of us. So, you are right, we cannot completely detach from it.
So, what do we do then?
Let's just say you were having a long term live-in relationship with someone who had a very needy, overdramatic personality. You came to terms with how unhealthy the relationship was...how unhealthy and unhappy you were in it; that you had spent all your years together serving this other person and putting great effort into meeting all their 'unwholesome' needs. Doing so never gave you what you truly wanted and needed at the deepest level. In this realization, though you would leave, there is no other place for you to live or go. You have to stay in the same apartment with them. What would you do then?
You would likely create some space between you and the other....some distance. Maybe, you would move into the spare room. You would not continue to fight or struggle against this person nor would you believe all their manipulations and reasons for their emotional outbursts. Doing either would jsut create more messy drama. You would recognize the drama and watch it cooly, from a distance, without getting pulled into it. You would recognize how easy it is to get pulled into it and be a bit more vigalent. You wouldn't blame the other person for pulling you in when you got caught up in it, forgetting once again who you are...and they will seem to keep pulling you in for a while.....you would see how it was you that slipped when you do and take accountability for it. All the while, you would recognize and accept this is just the way this person is, not asking or needing them to change, remaining cordial and kind if not overly affectionate as you observe and interact with them. You would know they are not you and they are just doing what they know to do.
Your room mate is going to continue doing what they are doing. The weather inside that apartment might be a bit challenging. Some days they will blow fire, other days snow. Somedays it is like they filled the rooms with a soft May breeze, other days it will be a tail end of a hurricane...but you will just retreat to your own room when things get nasty in here and spend your time working on you. All the energy and effort you once spent on appeasing your partner who never seemed to be appeased...will now be spent on serving Life and whatever moment it offers you. You will be learning to just relax, and let go, and be peaceful with the inner weather; whatever this room mate does; and whatever Life gives you. Less and less, will you get pulled in by the ego's antics. This room mate's voice will become meeker and meeker the more you pull back away from it and eventually you won't hear them at all. You will look around the apartment you shared one day to discover they were no longer there.
Now, that is being done with the ego.
We do not have to fight ego or struggle against ego. We do not have to fight the moment Life gives us because the ego doesn't like it. We just need to move a bit away from ego and make it a point to do our best not to get pulled into its drama. We do not have to leave. Ego will leave on its own when soul is ready to let go.
All is well.
No comments:
Post a Comment