Discomfort and Negativity: A Part of the Process?

 

Discomfort is always a necessary part of the process of enlightenment.

Pearl Cleage

I am not sure why I have been feeling down and expecting negative things to happen. I seem to be on the downward spiral again.  

Some would say, "It is just because of everything you had to deal with in the last little while. You haven't been able to think of self , let alone look after self.  You are burnt out, and on top of that you now have a body that is requiring more of your energy to sustain itself. Physical pain, though it feels very doable, takes its toll.  Every step is getting a bit painful now too, isn't it? Now that you know what the likely cause of that upper shin pain is, it is harder to pretend it isn't there.  You can see in your mind what is happening with every step. No wonder why you are down."

Hmmm...that is partly true I am sure.  I cannot help but think it is more than that though...I want to think it is a samskara thing.  That stuff is moving up and out of me...and though it sucks now, it is going to feel good soon. It is all for a good purpose. I want to think this down stuff is just a natural part of the purification process.

But man...how long is it going to last?

I hate thinking negatively.  I can't help but think negative thinking puts negative stuff out there, leading to negative experiences. Yet this negative, "expect the worse" thing is part of the feeling down process isn't it? I can reconstruct my thoughts, I know that...but the thing is ...though I am thinking this way and therefore expecting less than favorable things to keep happening, I am not resisting those negative things.  I am not sitting in fear anticipating their happening...I am just like "Wow...another negative thing...been expecting that." And though I may grumble a bit...I deal. I can handle it. I don't like it...but I can handle it.

It is a very weird type of mindset. So, as I watch myself in this tired body and mind...I don't resist that expereince either.  I just notice and find myself saying, "Interesting."

Crazy, I know.

All is well.