Illuminate the Sore Places

 if abandonment is the core wound

the disconnection from our mother
the loss of wholeness
then the most potent medicine
is this ancient commitment
to never abandon yourself
to discover wholeness in the whole-mess
to be a loving mother to your insides
to hold the broken bits
in open awareness
to illuminate the sore places
with the light
of love

Jeff foster

Many of us have  some core beliefs operating within us that are less than life enhancing and many of those beliefs lead to a chronic cycle of suffering in our lives.  

"I am not worthy!" 

"Bad things are bound to happen to me!"

"I will never be loved!"

"I will never succeed cuz I don't have what it takes!" 

"Once they find out who I really am they will reject me." 

Half the time, we are not even aware that those beliefs are within us. We blame Life, circumstance and others  for constantly giving us a hard time and react  to life events as if the external world is responsible for making things difficult. We are unable or unwilling to see that what we are actually reacting to is a triggering or a poking at one of these  painful beliefs we have stuffed way down inside us, often  from childhood wounding. And many of us will,  like we do when we find our hands suddenly touching a flame, pull back from the pain these beliefs create in us. 

We don't like pain. We are physiologically programed to avoid it and to protect ourselves from it.  Thanks Amygdala! So we stuff the belief way down, often forgetting that it is even there,  and resist any pain that arises when that belief is triggered by life.  We do not want to face the truth about this belief and to see the impact it has on our lives.  We won't or can't accept that it isn't life giving us a hard time...it is the beliefs in our minds. We would rather stay stuck in the repeating loop of negative belief, thought and feeling that has become a familiar part of our life experience  than face, head on, the truth that it is our beliefs that are keeping us prisoner and that if we were willing to simply feel the pain they evoke we could improve our lives dramatically.  

But...we would have to be willing to do the work and feel the pain. Are you?

The great spiritual teachers tell us that in order to heal in the truest way we need  to relax and even lean into the discomfort, the pain, and the suffering. Leaning into pain seems absolutely crazy to our minds that are desperately trying to protect us from it.  Being vulnerable, naked and exposed is something we avoid. Mind says "No! Don't go there!    Resist...fight...suppress...repress...distract...numb...avoid...struggle against. Do not go near the flame!"

We tend to listen to the Mind and the Soul cries

 Many of us will do anything...not to feel pain!  And as a result we suffer in our resistance much more than we could ever suffer in our acceptance of its reality. This resistance does protect the body and mind to some degree...the amygdala is made for that biological part of us...but what about the deeper part of us? Does this resistance and avoidance of pain help us there?

The beliefs that are so painful within us, constantly triggered by life events, do not go away when we deny them or avoid them in the many ways we do.  We close down and curl up into restrictive and tight emotional and mental postures. There is a deeper part of us, buried beneath all these defense mechanisms,  that is crying to be freed from this entrapment. I like the way it was referred to as "soul sadness" by Tara Brach in the linked video below. When we put all that energy into denying the truth of our core beliefs and avoiding pain, we make our souls sad. I like to think that our souls (our true Selves, our essences, our energies...whatever you see it as)  have a purpose here to radiate and bring love into the darkest of places. So when we do not "shine" the way we were intended to, our souls cry out.  Instead of expanding and growing we end up living very limited lives full of the very thing we wanted to avoid in the first - suffering! 

The truth is...it isn't Life that caused the pain. The pain is in our minds and it is to the mind we must go. We need to let go of our resistance.  We must be willing to dig up and face those beliefs and all the vulnerability and pain associated with them if we truly want to heal. 

Hmmm! How do we do that?

We do that with love and self compassion, Tara Brach reminds us.  The thing is , once we become willing to sit with our own vulnerability; once we become willing to lean into those painful places, to dig up and examine our beliefs and the feelings associated with them, that love and self compassion will usually emerge naturally.  We naturally become the loving mother when we observe or experience vulnerability.  That is ingrained into every soul. So if we can truly observe, and feel our own vulnerability we may learn to gently hold the broken bits. The amygdala may do a great job protecting us from pain but the soul does a great job filling our vulnerable and broken places with compassion and love.  When we are willing to step out of our comfort zones and open up enough for the light to pour in, we can indeed discover wholeness in the whole- mess.

All is well!

Tara Brach (July, 2021) The Three Core Reminders For Spiritual Practice   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YjNHU1hy1dA