Dying (Drying) Eyes: New Vision

 An essential part of seeing clearly is finding the willingness to look closely and to go beyond our own ideas.

Cheri Huber

As I sit here to write I have my face pretty well pressed up against the screen.  My left eye is not behaving.  I know if I were to put a patch over it and view the world from my right eye it would not be so nauseating lol.  My perspective is off...I am not perceiving the world like I have in the past.  It is uncomfortable to look out at what is before me with  this big hazy blob that comes and goes over one eye. Part of me wants to go back to the vision I had before this eye started acting up. It seemed so clear then. It was more comfortable and less exhausting.  But was it real? 

Hmm! Yep...I am getting to a point.  I am seeing things differently now in all kinds of ways.  In my waking up my perspective is convoluted and distorted from what it was before. What seemed clear is no longer  so clear. Why? Because my ego has glaucoma...my ego is sick. ...and I have been seeing through my ego most of my life. That type of vision ego gave me is leaving me...for good...there is no return to the pre existing vision.  It is a bit off putting to have the ego change so dramatically and find yourself not seeing the way we were trained to see...to find yourself  questioning those shapes moving  before you and in you, wondering just how solid and substantial they actually are. It is off putting to know you can't get that vision back. The more you squint and struggle to focus the more nauseated one becomes with the effort. It takes so much energy. We are not meant to struggle to see. Seeing is done through us not by us. We will see what we need to see  in the new way when the time is right.  We just need to sit back patiently and wait for it all to be taken care of...to wait for the new vision to establish itself.  It's coming.  It's coming. 

So just as I patiently await for my appointment next week to find out what the next step will be in establishing a new norm for my physical vision...I await for the eyes of spacious awareness to replace the eyes of ego. I am confident that I am establishing a new way of seeing and understanding the world and myself through every bit of learning and practice I feel compelled to do.  

I am presently reading a text/book that will help me attain new and clearer vision.  I have been wanting to read and study , The Great Liberation By Hearing in the Intermediate State, or better known as, The Tibetan Book of The  Dead, for so long now.  I am sure it will help this form I call "me" to let go of  old ways of seeing so a new realization can be born within me.  It will also help me to cope, not only with the physical loss of a certain visual acuity, but of the loss of body that is sure to come  for this form and for forms I am attached to. One of the greatest things we can do for ourselves and other beings is to accept the impermanent nature of all things. We do that when we look into the eyes of death and we do not have to die to do that.  We will definitely see clearly, achieving luminosity and awareness, when we die but we do not have to wait for death of the body to achieve a glimpse of this understanding. This book will possibly help me do see clearly.  Ironically, it is is in very small type...ugh! 

 All is well.  . 

Note: After this was written it was determined that the big blob that sometimes disturbs my vision in my left eye is just a result of a floater brought on by the very benign condition of vitreous detachment  and dry eye.  So the title should really be "Drying Eyes: New Vision) lol