Change

 Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.

Robin Sharma

Sorry been away from this trying to renovate a 1960 build in two weeks.  That is a big and massive process, especially since it was previously rented  by people who happened to smoke. Everything is yellow and brown. So, of course there is a thorough cleaning followed by a few coats of paint on each wall and ceiling.  That is the easy part. We have a combination of plaster/drywall thing going on so that means lots of cracks in walls and ceilings that had to be crackfilled and repaired. We are also remodelling the walls in a very tiny bathroom. I desperately wanted a new tub but the plumbing and the tearing down of walls just to get a tub into this tiny space is something we do not want to get tangled up in. I will refurbish teh tub instead. Since there are only a few small windows and I am a light lover...I also wanted to tear down a few walls to open up the space...but being the age it is, everywall in this house is a support wall. That will require more time and effort than we have. Will eventually make a lunch counter/pass through in the kitchen wall to compensate so light and space can flow but that will have to wait. There are so many things we are ignoring and putting on hold just to make our deadline, like the lead paint I am sure is still on the walls and the old wiring that has been in this house since the build, not to mention the fuse box panel it is attached to ( should be priority to replace that...I know!). We did remove what seemed like a giant washer from one wall and a giant dryer from another wall in another room that was taking up way, way too much of the limited space and have a stackable coming in to replace it that can be neatly tucked into a corner. That, however, means more wiring...yikes. Then there is the finishing of packing here and the moving of all that I am bringing with me...in hope that it will fit!! 

While we are preparing for the move my lovely old girl Roxy is suffering in her premature aging (she had Addison's all her life). It hurts her to move from spot to spot though she is so restless, she is constantly trying to move. It also looks like she has a squamous cell ca ( my guess...only) on her leg and possibly in her mouth and eye. She is anxious and in pain. I am not sure she will handle the move. So we have to make that awful decision dog owners hate to have to make. She is still eating some when we bring her her food and she is still wagging her tail when she sees us.  She is even semi-playful at times. This just makes the decision so much harder.  Is it time we step in and help her to pass on? I just do not want her to suffer and this move will be so hard on her.  Yet, I hate to let her go or be the one that makes the decision that her earthly time is over...but it will have to be me. Sigh!

We are also dealing with my grandson's issues. He is beautiful, fun-loving, and brilliant little kid who I suspected for a few years had some high functioning neurodivergent tendencies.  We were all perfectly okay with that ...so it didn't really matter if he got that diagnosis or label or if he didn't...until he went to preschool that is.  Now, it is obvious that there is something going on. He is completely overstimulated, overwhelmed and emotionally shut down while at school and acting out in all kinds of ways after school. Though he is a very articulate speaker with us, he has not spoken a word to one other student or teacher since he started in September and he does not interact or play with anyone except himself while there. The pictures the teachers often take for the parents show him tense and tight with shoulders up to his ears, and his arms tucked neatly into his side. His expression is as flat as the Saskatchewan prairie in each and every picture. (He laughs and smiles so much with us).  He is also regressing in basic developmental tasks like using the bathroom. His ticks ( sudden facial contortions and arm contractions are getting worse). The teachers I spoke to seem absolutely lovely and caring, but they keep telling us that "he is just shy" or they are unintentionally patronizing his mother by telling her how to parent. She has approached them many times in an attempt to make them understand he is in the process of being assessed but they keep responding  with, "Oh no, he is fine...you just have to do this or that as his Mom etc."So, obviously a label is now required so he gets the help he needs to cope with a school like setting. If he doesn't get one soon, I fear he will develop a trauma response to school and will withdraw even farther inside himself. The self he withdraws into is a bubble wrapped existence that includes his mother and her 100% attention. When he has that, he shuts everything and everyone out. If anyone or anything attempts to break into that bubble to divert his mother's attention elsewhere, he has an extreme resistance reaction. He tantrum's, screams, grabs her face or body part to get her to look at him, screams to be picked up etc.  He gets angry with anyone who gets between them in anyway.  He is not being "bad" or disobedient when he does this...it is sheer desperation and a need for safety causing this reaction. The world is too stimulating for him sometimes and he needs to pull into a safe spot in this bubble wrapped world as people with neurodivergent brains tend to do, with his mother and her full attention coming with him.  This whole thing just breaks my heart.  We had a confrontation yesterday with the staff over this and I am still reeling from all the emotions I picked up while there. 

Anyway, so I have that too and a host of other things I am dealing with ...on top of trying to move. Sigh!

We will get it done and I will soon be in my new spot breathing in the lead from the walls and being thrown across the room everytime I plug something into those ancient outlets. Luckily the space is so small I will only be shocked back a few inches before I hit another wall. Besides my heart feels a little tired these days. It may need a zap or two. :)

All is well!

The Truth Beyond the Optical Delusion of Consciousness

 Tat Tvam Asi  (You are that)

That is probably what  Uddalaka Aruni would tell us humans if he was still walking the planet in physical form observing so many of us feeling miserable, caught up in our me-me-ness, and making a mess of things. 

Long, long before Socrates was born to teach... sometime in the  8th-6th century BCE ...,,,there existed a rishi, a great philosopher,  a teacher of Oneness that walked what we know today to be India. He was responsible for writing one of the oldest Hindu texts- the Chandogya Upanishad from which that sanskrit term comes and later became the Samaveda. 

How can we non-Hindu westerns understand that phrase?

We can understand it by studying the words of  the greatest rishi in the world who came much, much later. Christ  was teaching the very same thing

My father and I are one John 10-30

We can also understand it by analyzing the findings of modern science. Nikola Telsa said, "We are all one. Only egos, beliefs, and fears separate us. "

Albert Einstein said, "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us "the Universe"- a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts, and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness."

"Quantum physics thus reveals a basic oneness of the universe. " Erwin Schrodinger. 

Let's listen to both those who have studied in external laboratories, and those who have studied in the internal laboratories of the mind to discover this truth. 

Tat Tvam Asi

Or as Michael Singer often quotes, 

The purified mind is no different than the Self.

All is well!

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( December, 2025) The Yoga of Wisdom: The Path to Liberation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHoi4u8jpMY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Good Bye House

 Home is not a place. It is a feeling you carry with you wherever you go.

I am preaparing to leave this house I lived in for almost twenty years.  I am starting to grieve a bit.  I silently sent a thought of gratitude to it for the way it took me in at a difficult point in my life, wrapping its walls around me and my family, protecting us and keeping us warm and safe.  More than anything it became this amazing sanctuary for me to heal in.  I am so, so grateful for it! 

I didn't treat it well. I struggled with maintaining ownership of it since I first went off work sick in 2011. That was hard but I was determined to do what I could to keep a roof over my childrens' heads and somehow I did! I both hated it and loved it after that and it became a somewhat neglected partner.  I stopped caring for it the way I could have. Still, it was so forgiving.  It continued to be a sanctuary for me to begin awakening in.  I will miss this one spot in the house to which I became attached....the dining room with four windows that allow so much light to come in from either side. I wrote so much here.  I can see this amazing yard as I look out.  And that yard out there with the giant trees full of so much Life has become my most faithful companion. The peace and solace I found out there when things in here got tough showed me how sacred this place is. For that reason, I have buried or spread the ashes of so many beloved pets, that once ran joyfully from corner to corner of it, under those trees, as well. They too have become a part of that yard. This spot vibrates with an energy I will miss so much!  Oh God, the growth I have done here. So, so grateful!!

And I know it is time to fill it once again with the love it deserves.  Soon the floors will be echoing the pitter patter of little feet, the sound of childrens's laughter will be bouncing off its walls again. This house will embrace that young life, I know it will, and that life will embrace it. I like to think I am giving the house and this yard what it needs, and more importantly I like to think I am giving others I love what they need, enfolding them in the arms of this space that I once thought was "my home". 

It was never mine.  I just had the opportunity to experience it for awhile and I am so grateful. Now it is time to step back and let others experience Life on this little corner of an intersection, in a tiny neighborhood, in a section of a small city, in a tiny province found in one country, in one of seven continents on this small spinning planet, in a tiny solar system, in a massive galaxy which just happens to be one of trillions. Sigh! What a tiny, tiny sliver of geography  we get to experience our lives on. It is best not to get attached to any of it...love those spots, honor them, take care of them, recognize their sacredness potential and live fully in them but don't get too attached. Though I am leaving this spot for another...I take a part of this energy with me because it has become entangled in this human's experience.  I also leave some of this human's energy behind because I added to it.  Everything is still all connected in one way or another and just because we leave a physical space to move to another, we cannot disentangle from it. We just spread that energy wider. 

I am going to grieve a bit as I pack up. Everytime I look out those windows I can feel the knot in my gut and the tears coming up in release. This is like saying  goodbye to a good old friend....It isn't easy but the emotional experience does not have to be judged as good or bad, right or wrong, should be or shoudn't be. It just is. What I am experiencing is just a human reaction to change and change is the way of evolution and growth, isn't it? 

It is all good.

All is well.

Sensitivity in Social Interactions

 

For the awakened person...the body is no longer just a body. It is a field that receives and transmits subtle energies. When someone enters your space, their emotional state, their thoughts, even their unconscious patterns are felt in your body...not because you absorb them intentionally but because awareness has made you more receptive. This senstivity is a gift but it requires boundaries. 

Eckhart Tolle

I often write about how challenging it is for me to be in busy social environments lately...how challenging it is for me to be around very unconscious people.  After listening to this I understand why:

Your solitude is not a wall between you and the world ...it is a bridge to your essential nature

This movement from being to performing is subtle but for those who are awake or awakening it is profoundly felt.

Love does not always equal resonance. Care does not always equal alignment. Sometimes loving someone means loving them best from a distance without sacrificing your inner clarity...the more present you become, the more deeply you can love others but the less you tolerate the unconsciousness that accompanies them.

I pcik up so much that I cannot even understand

Every human psyche carries its own field of consciousness...its own turbulence...its own stories...the senstive person feels this instantly.

I hate wearing masks now!!

The masks are not wrong. They are not your true self...when someone enters your home[ your space] your mind instinctively reaches for the mask again. Individual performance feels deeply unnatural

It can get really overstimulating to be around a lot of people or to be with people who are very unconscious.

Human interaction when unconscious is noisy, even without words there is mental chatter, subtle tension, emotional residue. When two unconscious people meet, this noise is normal. It is all they know. But when an awakened person meets someone who lives primarily in the mind, the contrast is stark. The quietness of presence must now share space with the turbulence of thought. This is why true connection for the awakened person is rare. They can enjoy company, even cherish it but only when the meeting happens from presence rather than psychological identity. When two people rest in awareness together no one srains energy, no one performs. Silence becomes a companion rather than something to fill. but such meetings are uncommon.

I feel other people in my body!

The body knows before the mind understands. It says, "Something is entering my field. This awareness is not fear...it is intelligence.  The same intelligence that causes animals to withdraw when their environment becomes overstimulating. 

I feel very, very protective now of my time, space, ane energy. 

The more awakened you become the more fiercely Life asks you to protect your energy ...not as resistance but as alignment.  What used to feel tolerable appears noisy. what used to feel normal, begins to feel heavy. You no longer carry the emotional weight of others unconsciously. You feel everything so you must choose carefully what energy enters your space.

I have a hard time being patient with the repetitive unconsciousness of others if it keeps demanding things of this human I call me. 

Visitors [and others you interact with] especially unawakened ones often bring the past with them. They bring stories, opinions, unresolved emotions. Their presence activates memory, identity, history but awakening removes your interest in carrying these burdens. You want to meet Life fresh, without the weight of yesterday and so the mind resists being pulled into narratives it has outgrown.

Social interactions often feel so heavy and draining to me now. 

[They] also activate the ego, not because you want them to but because the ego is activated by attention. As soon as another person enters your space the ego awakens and begins to manage impressions, "How do I appear? What should I say? How should I behave? " This movement away from presence is felt immediately by the awakened person as heaviness...even with people you love deeply you sometimes feel drained. Not because of them but because of the unconscious energy that accompanies them.

I like to remember:

You don't need to entertain, impress, or host. Your simple being becomes healing [when awakened]. This is why the spiritually awake often prefer one-on-one purposeful encounters rather than casual visits. They crave depth, honesty and presence. They cannot tolerate superficiality, not because they judge it, but because it disconnects them from the truth of who they are.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle Wisdom Why the Spiritually awake don't like visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI8PKAiUo-4

On the Need for Solitude

Some people believe that solitude means lonliness. that is because they have only experienced the mind's version of being alone, a state filled with anxious thoughts, fears and stories but for someone more awake solitude is not the absence of others...it is the presence of being. 

Eckhart Tolle

This is why I love solitude: 

The spiritually awake person is not antisocial, they value authenticity over performance

To protect this awareness is not avoidance...it is wisdom

When you are alone the boundary between inner and outer dissolves...you feel the stillness of the room merging with the stillness within you

It [suddenly finding yourself alone after being with people for a while] is relief from the subtle tension your body carried while perfoming. You rediscover yourSelf. You sense the return of a spacious inner sky as if the clouds  of social expectation finally drifted away.

When presence becomes your natural state any interuption of it becomes immediately  noticeable....Most people live in constant interuption so they never feel the difference but you do and that senstivity is not weakness...it is evolution.

...roles are subtle prisons....and once you experience freedom from roles even a small return to them feels suffocating

In silence, you remember who you are beyond personality...you sense the living presence that animates your breath, your heartbeat, your awareness. This is the dimension from which true connection arises, not from performance but from authenticity

When you are awakening solitude is not just restful, it is transformative. Your consciousness is reorganizing itself. Old patterns are dissolving, a new sensitivity is emerging. This inner shift requires spaciousness; it requires quiet; it requires that nothing interferes with the delicate process unfolding within you.

Constant social intercation prevents your inner Life from blooming. The spiritually awake person senses this instinctively. They are not withdrawing from the world, they atre nurturing the deepest part of themselves.

You begin to recognize the greatest service you can offer the world is not constant social availability , it is the radiance of your own aligned inner state. When your consciousness is clear, your presence lifts others effortlessly.

The spiritually awake person understands something most people do not.  Energy must be managed with the same care that others reserve for money or time. What you allow into your field shapes your experience of Life. The wrong company can dim your inner light. The right company can amplify it...and sometimes the most noursihing company is no company at all.

Solitude is not the absence of connection.  It is the deepest form of connection to Life, to being, to yourSelf

In solitude the mind becomes quiet enough for the truth to be heard. You meet the living presence that exists beneath all forms. This is why you protect your space, not out of fear, but out of devotion.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle Wisdom Why the Spiritually awake don't like visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI8PKAiUo-4

On Not Loving Company

When the doorbell rings...and something within you contracts...it is the simple recognition that your inner space  is being touched...the mind reacts instantly.  It begins preparing a mask...a role...a posture...in that very instant you are taking out of the natural state of presence and pushe dinto the world of psychological identity.

Eckhart Tolle

I am not a big fan of company, especially unannounced company, or company that I perceive comes with a lot of expectation for me to perform. I literally cringe...feel a contraction in my gut...when I find out such company is coming over.  (This is not all company...just some).  It is not that I do not care for the people coming over, that I don't want to see them but there has always been something about people coming into my space that triggers me. This has been going on for as long as I can remember.  It gets more and more intense, the more I wake up. I couldn't completely undersatnd it until lately.

I came across this video from Eckhart Tolle that explains and validates my experience completely. 

Vistors don't enter your home, they enter the field of energy that you have been cultivating....an inner sanctuary where the noise of the world temporarily dissolves. Protecting that space is not selfishness. It is honoring the truth of your own being. 

Most people believe they enjoy constant company because they have never truly met themselves. Silence is unsettling to them because it reveals what is unresolved within (I relate this to Penses 139/Pascal) but for the one who is awakening...silence is not emptiness, it is nourishment

That is why the thought of someone coming over  immediately triggers a contraction -the mind   anticipates having to shrink this spaciousness back into a social form.

Visitors...activate the psychological self, the part of you that is conditioned by society, family, culture. This self is concerned with impressions, expectations, and social norms...when visitors arrive the mind tries to revive it. And this revival feels like a step backwards into unconsciousness.

Many people enter your home not physically but energetically with unresolved pain. They may be anxious, restless, angry, cheerful on the surface but carrying heaviness underneath. Even their expectations about how the interaction should unfold carry weight. The awakened person senses all this immediately. They feel the subtle disturbance in the field of awareness. The mind interprets this sensitivity as discomfort but awareness knows it simply as misalignment. The energy of the visitor is not in harmony with the stillness you cultivated. and so your whole being naturally withdraws not out of rejection but out of the instinct to return to presence. 

I am so free here as I sit here in this space doing what I do...so myself...but as soon as I hear someone is coming over...this sanctuary suddenly becomes a messy, unkept house others will judge etc. I like seeing my house as this place I can be me.

Your home becomes a temple. Your silence becomes a practice. Your solitude becomes a teacher. When you close your door you are not shutting people out you are inviting yourself in.

 One day you recognize something beautiful.  You do not need to apologize for your boundaries. You do not need to justify your solitude. You do not need to explain why visitors drain you. Your energy belongs to you. Your inner space belongs to you. Your awakening belongs to you. So, the next time the door bell rings and your body tightens...pause...not to judge the feeling...but to understand it. It is simply Life reminding you of who you are now. You are someone now who values peace over performance, presence over noise, truth over expectation. And the world desperately needs people who live this way. You are not rejecting others.  You are protecting the sanctuary where awakening happens., where you meet yourself, where you remember what you truly are.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle Wisdom Why the Spiritually awake don't like visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI8PKAiUo-4

Inspiring Hope

 The infinite future is before you, and you must always remember that each word, thought, and deed, lays up a store for you and that as the bad thoughts and bad works are ready to spring upon you like tigers, so also there is inspiring hope that the good thoughts and good deeds are ready with the power of a hundred thousand angels to defend you always and for ever. 

Vivekananda (Complete Works)

Hope is a strange word for me.  I have a love/hate relationship with it. I do not like the future projection of it, the "I will be happy when"-ness of it. At the same time...it is still something I will cling to it as a pulley to lift me up and out of any dark emotional pit I might find myself in. It does have that power. When things are dark in this now I look to the light up ahead. When things are challenging and difficult in this now, I look for the easy times up ahead. I know better than to be dependent on hope, but it does help.

The same goes for positive thinking.  I am fully aware the deep programming that goes on in the subconscious mind  is more powerful than any thought...be it negative or positive...in the conscious mind.  I see that it is much more life-changing to restructure our core beliefs than it is to repeat positive affirmations to ourselves in the mirror. Yet, as Michael Singer says...if you going to get lost in your thoughts, they might as well be  positive ones.  And most of us are going to continue to get lost in our thoughts. 

I remember when I was 18 and going through a very difficult time emotionally I found a copy of "The Power of Positive Thinking," by Norman Vincent Peale on my Dad's book shelf.  I was blown away by that book.  "Do you mean I can change the way I think.  It doesn't have to be this "negative" in here? Wow!" That started me on my "psychological" journey of healing.  I began trying to inject positive affirmations into my conscious mind. It did not heal me...lol...but it did allow me to feel momentarily better. This method fed me "hope" and hope was a beautiful thing back then. 

Of course, Something pulled me deeper than the conscious mind. I explored the subconscious for decades, and then, as a yogi, I went even deeper. I learned to see both the beauty and the illusive nature of hope. 

I do see that the now is the only place where we live but as long as we are still more ego than spirit, lost in our thinking...we may find some light in looking up ahead at sunnier times when we feel overwhelmed by our present life situation.

When it comes to karma, hope is also semi-helpful. We do not need to keep looking backwards...what is done is done. What we stored, we stored. What we accumulated in "bad thoughts and bad works" ...we accumulated.  We do not, however, have to hang onto these things.  We do not need to keep seeing the world through them. We do not need to live in fear that they will keep repeating; that Life will continue to seem so "harsh" and "punitive". There is another alternative. There is inspiring hope. So called "good thoughts and good deeds" are ready with the power of a hundred thousand angels to defend us.  We can look to that to pull us up and out of this darkness we sometimes fall into. 

There is a song I have been using as my mantra in tough times. I use it to remind me not only that things will get easier but that connection to my Higher Self will get easier. And that is the answer to all darkness we may be experiencing- connection to Who We Are. 

Silly, maybe but it works for this human I call "me"....

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dguz0IsCuKU

All is well.

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( November, 2025) Beyond Faith: The Logic of Letting Go. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo9tqRdIMv0&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Magic

 It would be foolish to believe that all tales of magic are true; and just as foolish ro believe none of them are true.

Dean Radin 

All is well!

Moving Along the Fault Line

 

Earthquakes typically occur along fault lines, which are fractures in the Earth's crust where two blocks of rock suddenly slip past one another. Tectonic plates are constantly moving, but they often get stuck at their edges due to friction. As the rest of the plates keep moving, stress and energy build up in the stuck area. When this stress finally overcomes the friction, the rocks suddenly break and slip, releasing the accumulated energy as seismic waves that travel outward in all directions. 

AI Overview from Google

As if I have rumbling seismic waves within me ready to push my tectonic plates a part, I am a little "wired" these days for all kinds of reasons. I am ready to crack fully open. There is so much going on in my life right now, like preparing for a major move that I have yet to fully process, as well as all the other usual things bumping up against this "me" from the outside.  Most importantly, I have this big shifting taking place beneath my surface layers on the inside. My samskara ridden ego has formed the tectonic plates that have kept this life experience stuck on a "me" I was constantly trying to build or maintain. The energy of Shakti, of who I really am, has been pushing up against these plates for decades trying to get them to open so it can be free.  Life has finally created the perfect fault line to open me up. Soon this energy trapped on the inside will be set free in a seismic burst.

In the meantime, the earth is rumbling beneath my feet.  It isn't a steady ride.  I feel so "unstable" as I fall away from what I thought I knew to be true. So much of ego has cracked and fallen away in response to the low seismic waves...in anticipation for the big one. 

Two things I realize as I process and do the normal worldly things along this fault line with what is left of a well worn and cracked ego: 

The first thing I realize is how freaking big my ego is.  How big it has always been.  Even after all the cracking open I have done to date ...there it is... still big. As the layers of this psyche onion gets peeled off, I keep expecting to discover, "Okay this is the last layer.  It has to be.", only to find, "Nope! Still more ego to peel away." 

I can see ego so clearly now...in this human I call "me". It is so obvious and in my face. There is no longer any way of denying the ego twins: Shamer and Redeemer, as they roll around in front of me in some wrestling battle to the death.  I see them clearer than I ever did. So, though I still get pulled into their drama, there is something very powerful and freeing about being able to observe them this clearly, at this level of onion peeling. I see how they were developed; I see how they protected me over the years in many ways; how they also got and get in my way to living a full life.  More than anything I can see they are not who I am.  With every crack and shift they are slipping away to some degree. Though they are still there ...a dominant force in this living experience...they are getting flimsier and flimsier.  It is difficult to feel safe within the flimsy cover of protection they offer.

Many of us wear our egoes as protective armour, a way to move around this world making sense of it as we blend safely in. All the stimuli of the world can be filtered through it so we do not get overwhelmed psychologically. When egos are flimsy or cracked, however, too much gets through.  I get even more overstimulated in social situations now, than I ever did. Without the sturdiness of this false sense of protection I once wore as a Redeemer ego, I feel somewhat lost. When one sees how full of holes this Redeemer ego actually is, one cannot help but be humbled to the core. There is a thin line between humility and shame, however. Humility is wholesome, shame isn't. Shamer usually pulls me into the latter. My humility is shame-based. Sigh!

I am also seeing, almost from a bird's eye view, that "I am in this world but I am not of it. I am a spirit having a human experience, not the other way around. " 

I can see why I have always felt like I didn't quite belong because I don't.  This isn't my home. This isn't our home. That sounds woo-woo, I know...but it is beginning to make so much sense to me as ego cracks and slips away. I can see that I never felt at home here...never truly felt safe, like I could be my Self. That is what led me to build the ego in the first place. I needed something that would provide protection while it allowed me to blend in. This ego always felt heavier than it did comforting. It never felt right.  I always felt like I was lying to others and myself  by wearing an ego. Conditioning and the building of a Shamer ego have a lot to with this feeling, for sure.  But there is more. 

I see so clearly that ego is not who we are. That it is covering up and leading us to forget who we really are and why we are here. Self is here to experience everything...not just what the five senses can pick up. I see that a lot of what I am picking up in social situations now goes beyond the perception of a "social anxiety" created by a fear and shame-based personality.  Truth is....the less ego I have, the less protection there is hiding away the unseen Self's ability to perceive. Other perceptual modes begin to get involved in my experiences.  I used to think empathic ability was nothing more than a woo-woo notion, I am starting to feel like it is a real thing we are all capable of experiencing if ego wasn't so much in our way. I am picking up so much from other people now without realizing it. The stimuli seems to unknowingly stick to me until I get home. Then boom! For hours or days after a social event, my mind will be flooded with faces, the words spoken by others, their facial expressions, their behaviours, and their feelings. I will recall images of the environment clearer than it was when I was there. Things I didn't even think I noticed will come to my mind's eye.  I will remember so clearly the voices...mostly the tones of those voices.  I will reflect on how I acted or reacted to the days events while I was in it. ...re-feeling body sensations or emotions. I mean, like I am really hyper ( not afraid...just wired)  while I am there, in those situations at present time, experiencing it seems only through the five senses. For reasons I do not understand, when I get home the floodgates open...those tectonic plates move and wow! All the stuff I picked up without realizing it comes out. Too much for my little human, still partially egoic, mind to handle.  It is more than a bit overwhelming. I now realize that what I am seeing and feeling (without knowing it until after the experience is done) is other people's egos, as well as my own. Walking down a crowded corridor is like walking through a very noise-delayed, thick bramble loaded with thorns. I can't see what I walked through until after I am through it and I turn around covered in scratches. Then I feel the overwhelm of a noisy download I wasn't even aware I inputted. There is so much emotion, thinking, sensation that did not originate from this mind and body. I am literally exhausted and will sleep for hours after a few hours in school if I was in contact with a lot of people or if I had a social gathering with friends or family. That is why I may prefer not to repeat that type of social experience ....why I may hesitate to take a supply call for high school, for example. High school is a wonderful place to be but it is also loaded with so much egoic energy.  I see now clearer than I have seen before that "overwhelming, overstimulated" feeling is why I wish to avoid social situations like taking a call at a high school. It isn't just laziness, or social anxiety holding me back.  I know how overwhelming it can be and how long it will take me to recover. If I am not full out busy during the day and distracted, I seem to pick up more from the students and staff. I do not get that feeling, as much, working with kids in K-5, or even grade six...less ego. (I will get it from the teachers and staff though). It is so strange!

I love people (well most people lol) but I have a challenging time processing through the energy of ego...mine or others. When I am this vulnerable, close to the point of cracking open fully, I feel even less safe when an environment is dominated by ego, as most human environments are. Ego protects us from other egos. The less ego we have, I assume, the less protection we have and the more overwhelmed we get from what we unknowingly pick up at the deepest level.

It's crazy to observe all this and it is complicated to explain but that is the realization I had yesterday.

If I had that realization, maybe you did too? Maybe, you too are feeling uncomfortable in a flimsy, tattered ego that is cracking open? Paradigm shifts are not easy to handle, are they? They are mind-quakes of great seismic activity. That energy we have denied for too long, however, has to be released.

Waking up isn't meant to be easy, I suppose. We just have to brace ourselves for the shifting taking place.

All is well.. 

At the Intersection.

 Pain is a pesky part of being human...But then I have also learned that because of pain I can feel the beauty, tenderness, and freedom of healing.

C. JoyBell C

I am at a junction in my journey that leaves me standing in a strange place shaking my head...making others shake their heads as well. As I fall back a bit more each day into being Self...I realize I am less and less my 'self'. I am slipping out of  this tight, little, neatly-contained package that took so much of my energy and time to create and maintain over the decades ( the person I and others thought I was). It is confusing for me.  I can only imagine what it is like for other people to be around me now.

It is like I am standing at an intersection. I see that I can go straight ahead, and that will take me to Self...to a lot of stuff people are not comfortable considering; that I am not yet comfortable considering fully because it goes beyond what is known. Or I can turn right or left which will simply loop me back around to where I am .  Most people I know, I have the sense, are expecting me to do the loop as is considered normal for what is deemed as "humans having an odd spiritual experience".  There is a silent voice I am hearing from others, but mostly from myself, that says "Okay you had your spiritual experience, you tested the bounds of  normalcy. Now come back around to where we are etc. It is getting uncomfortable watching you along those fringes of 'woo-woo'.  You are going to go too far and you will just be 'crazy'. That, of course, will mean we will have to ostracize you from the pack. "  

I don't want to loop around.  I am so very sick  of doing that same tired route of repeated patterns that gets this human I call me nowhere but dizzy from going around in circles. This-that-is-within-me-that-I-do-not-quite-understand-enough- but-know-I-would-understand-better-if-I-just-keep-going-forward, however, is telling me that forward is the only true way to go. It tells me, in the most convincing of voices that opens something up within me that so wants to believe it, that I am not a human having a spiritual experience. I am a spirit having a human experience. 

It makes so much more sense to keep going forward but I feel the pull to repeat the loops. Pulled in both directions so I am still stuck at this intersection shaking my head.

Even though I am stuck at the intersection right now, I have already gone far enough to make others a bit uncomfortable, I am sure, and to make me uncomfortable around others. I have this desire to withdraw from society more and more for my benefit as well as theirs. This social anxiety I have always had and denied or covered up is intensifying.  I see me in social situations acting in two certain ways: 

I am either talking too fast or too loudly when I believe I have people's attention, embellishing my story- telling to create images that make "me" enough, always trying to have a new accomplishment to share that will somehow "redeem" me, make me appear 'special' in some way, and prevent others from seeing where I really am at. If that doesn't do it for this "me," I will seek a big life challenge that I am dealing with and causally  mention it so I can appear like a heroic martyr to life circumstance, or at least have an excuse for being such a mess. (Luckily, I have a lot of crazy challenges in that treasure chest to share). 

Or, 

If I do not get the attention my broken little ego wants, I drop my eyes and withdraw back into the shadows of social interaction.  I become the "listener".  This is how I interact a lot with others when I a sense I have to be very careful around them.

At this intersection I see so clearly how this "human I call me" behaves in social situations and in life.  Everything is meshing together into this human "mess" it seems. Because I am still at the intersection between ego-looping and soul-progression, I feel myself both very embarrassed for this human and very sad as I watch.  When I ask why am I here,  I hear two different answers.  

The road behind me tells me my embarassment and social anxiety stems from being a fear and shamed based person as a result of past trauma. That seems like a "normal" answer that my remaining ego can agree with; what others behind me can agree with it.  I feel this urge to go back there and explore those memories so I can cope better with it on a psychological level. That, I know, would be an acceptable approach.  I would not be ostracized for that. 

The road in front of me tells me that I appear to be such a "human mess" because the ego is dissolving and it is a confusing and painful process. It tells me I do not have to keep looping around. In fact, the right or left option will never take me to where I need to be. It will confuse me more. I can, instead, go forward into a new Life. Being able to observe ego objectively in action is the first step to healing. Witnessing the ego mind shaming and redeeming itself is opening me up to what "I am" not. It is showing me that I am not that which I am watching. I cannot be the Seer and the seen at the same time. An eye cannot see itself when there is no reflective glass around. If I walk forward I will be able to shed the ego all together and experience what Life could truly be like when "I am" my Self. If I go this route, however, I will leave everything behind me that does not serve the Self.  (That is very scary to consider at this intersection). I will also heal in the truest of ways but I will be deemed crazy and likely ostracized. Especially by my siblings and friends. Sigh!

The Choice Deception.

Being in this intersection is very uncomfortable as it is to be between two choices. I suddenly realize I stepped over some imaginary line. If I look down the left road from this spot and if I look down the right road...I will see barricades up. Won't I? Those roads are blocked.  Aren't they? If I look behind me, I will see barricades there, as well. There really is no going backwards.  There really is no going back when you get this far.  The real choice I need to make now  is to either stay in the intersection or move forward. 

Being at this intersection, this feeling of being "stuck" in limbo is painful.  Going back or looping around will not take this human to healing. There is only one true way to heal. I need to take the road ahead. I need to lift my foot and take a step forward

All is well. 

Okay with Not Being Okay?

 How can I be okay with, respect and honor the humanity that is down there as it experiences pain?

Michael Singer

I realized after I wrote my spiel yesterday that I was okay with not being completely okay on this important part of this journey. 

There is something cool about witnessing not being okay. If I am witnessing and observing it, I am not that which is being witnessed or observed.  Once again I am Objective Observer watching this human I call "me" tramp around the physical world looking for that which "I am." (The light).  So, there is the witness "I am" and there is this human I call "me" that the witness is watching. The Observer is not really impacted by what the human is experiencing, just as the sun is not impacted by what it shines on.  

I can be okay with;  I can respect;  I can even honor the humaninty of this human as it experiences pain and struggle.  "I" can be okay with "me" not being okay. 

Cool, eh?

Off to breakfast with friends.

All is well.

Right Understanding

 If you understand what is going on, you will find your way out. 

Michael Singer

I truly believe I understand what is going on and what needs to be done to end this perception of "suffering"for this body and mind I call "me" in this human experience I elected to have in it. I believe I have "Right Understanding" as I travel along this eight fold path.  I do...

But...

 It is really difficult! I have not yet found my way out of the mess this "me" has put itself in.  I see the light and I am heading for it but I have to make my way around this busy chaotic mess to get there. There is so much automatic programming in my subconscious mind that  has the ability to pull this amazing consciousness, that I know I am, down into the chaos of this "busy world". There are so many powerful samskaras being released at one time it seems. So, the experience of "shame and fear" is so great in my Life right now. Shame probably more so than fear. I have the experience of feeling ashamed of almost everything this human does, what this human is. I forget who I am in this distraction, and see myself as this "fearful, shame-based human." 

On top of the samskaras coming up, I also have Life doing what Life does. Though I have enough "Right Understanding" to know that Life is not 'picking on me' or punishing me, that it is just doing what Life does, it is challenging to constantly get hit in the face by circumstances. I grasp and cling for every ray of light I can find in the form of purpose, wholesome activity, change, that will get me to my destination, that will end this sense of suffering. I do things, create things, seek out help from others in hope that will get me there. Instead of getting closer, I am reminded again and again that ego is still so active both in its tendency to shame and its tendency to redeem. So, I end up experiencing more of this shame as it gets triggered again and again to come to the surface when I recognize how my ego is still running my life. Sigh! 

I truly want to "Rightly Understand" that this samskara triggering I am experiencing now is a good thing...that I am healing and purifying so more light can shine through.  But Man, does it ever suck to feel it over and over again. It puts me in a low energy state which I know is counterproductive to my mission. Life reacts by giving me more of what I am putting out there. It is a vicious cycle.

It just feels like a lot right now. 

I am so much more aware of "ego" than I ever was.  I know true healing means getting beyond ego...going deeper...and I think I have in many ways as I take on one project after another...only to discover that there is another spiritual ego at play.  I will suddenly recognize this ego in the motivation of some of my human activities, goals, thought processes and Boom! There is that big fat samskara of shame to greet me once again. 

Right understanding starts with awareness.... If you are not aware ...you are not here. Consciousness is the beginning and ending of all meaning. Awareness is the foundation of the meaning of everything.

"I am in here aware of things..." "Who is aware of your thoughts?" is  a much better life affirming question to ask than, "What are your thoughts?" 

I am aware at moments...I believe ...but I seem to keep slipping from the "felt experience " of awareness to living in "an idea of someone seeking awareness." 

I keep getting lost in what consciousness is staring at, rather than what consciousness is.  I know the experience I seek is the maintenance of the felt experience of living as consciousness rather than repeatedly getting lost in the objects of consciousness.  

Consciousness is so distracted so it it is identified with what it is looking at.

[Enlightenment is when] consciousness itself ceases to focus on the individuality of your thoughts, your emotions, your drama and focuses on consciousness itself.

Though I obviously have a lot more work to do with purifying and getting beyond ego's hold on me...I find some solace in this statement..

"I am not right but I can see why I think the way I think and perceive the world the way I perceive it."

I know where is is all coming from both psychologically and spiritually and why. I see what is happening and what this mind of mine is doing. That in a way says...I do have right understanding... doesn't it? There is so much "Right Understanding" there . That is, until I find myself asking the powers that be:

"Did I really ask for this return to light  to be this hard before I incarnated? What was I thinking?" 

I just have so much more work to do and I am so tired. Is it really supposed to be this hard? Or am I just an extra messed up human? 

Belief in the notion that I chose these challenges  for a growth purpose this human does not yet understand is helping me to get through the day. It is easier to look up towards what some would refer to as the woo-woo than it is to look down at the mess. I am trying to look over the mess as I make my way to the light. Unfortunately I cannot seem to keep my eyes up.  I get pulled from this Seat of consciousness down into the muck of these objects of consciousness again and again. I cannot avoid what is in front of me. Maybe, my approach is wrong.  Maybe. I need to ask this question: 

How can I be okay with, respect and honor the humanity that is down there as it experiences pain?

I don't know yet but I will keep working on the undersatnding so I can make my way through this mess.

Is it naturally the way you want it to be? No Why? Because things are the way they are.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( November, 2025) Right Understanding: The Journey Back to Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zo9eQa4x9OY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Vivekanada on Self-Response-Ability

That which I created I can demolish; that which is created by someone else I shall never be able to destroy. Therefore ...Stand up, be bold, be strong. Take the whole responsibility on your own shoulders, and know that you are creator of your own destiny. All the strength and succour you want is within yourselves. Therefore make your own future. "Let the dead past bury its dead."  The infinite future is before you, and you must always remember that each word, thought, and deed, lays up a store for you and that as the bad thoughts and bad works are ready to spring upon you like tigers, so also there is inspiring hope that the good thoughts and good deeds are ready with the power of a hundred thousand angels to defend you always and for ever. 

Vivekananda 2.5.11B Chapter 11B: The Cosmos, Complete Works

What is meant by the above quote?

Vivekanada is speaking to the notion that we are responsible for the mess we have inside and therefore our experience of Life.  If it is less than pleasant because of our tendency to store the bad and the negative and the challenging energy that is derived from certain situations in the form of samskaras...blaming others and Life for our unhappiness does nothing but create more suffering.  When we realize we are responsible (response-able= able to respond) we respond in a strong, bold, and empowered way. We take accountability for our Life experience. 

Responsibility also means recognizing we have the power to change our lives for the better. We do not need to be consumed by negativity...focusing on all the "bad" thoughts and deeds we have stored in the form of samskaras from our past, or those bad thoughts and deeds coming at us from the external world in the present. We can demolish" our tendencies to store negativity, cling to the past, collect grievances, prefer, expect too much from others and life. 

When we become responsible for our own lives...we honour the laws of Karma: aware that every word we speak, every thought we have; every deed we or others choose will have a karmic effect rippling out into our expereince of life. We do not have to store what we experience as "negative" or "bad" when these experiences unfold in front of us either.  We can learn to have faith and trust that we are being surrounded by postive,  "good" and healing  'energy'. (what he refers to as "a hundred thousand angels".) We can choose "good" over "bad". (He is reverting to dualistic terminology to make his point here, I beleive). Good is much more powerful and life enhancing.

So many of us are buried in the past. It doesn't have to bury us.  We can let go of it and the samskaras that cloud the way we see the future. He tells us to "Let the dead past bury itself". ...and to have faith in the "infinite" future before us.  Look forward, move forward in this Life and all the lives to come,  that will take us to the end of samsara. 

We are responsible for what we stuff and store within. We must start choosing to focus on the light and the goodness surrounding us rather than the darkness. 

All is well.

Looking for a Soul Mate?

 Before you meet your 'soulmate', you must first discover your soul.

Charles F. Glassman

I drew this question about soul mates from the jar the other day. Ironically it is something I thought (and wrote) a lot about. Not in the way that would appease the romantic at heart lol. Anyway, here's my take on it.

All is well.

Love Beyond the Fairy Tales

http://www.aquarianonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/11/Enlighten-Up-with-The-Aquarian-Winter-2017-issue.pdf

Oops ...I put a link up there to an article I wrote and checked it out. It took me to something called "Game Changer"...not the press or the article I wrote for The Aquarian in 2017!  Same thing happened to a poetry site I once published on...sigh! How can they take the whole link with the name of the article and everything on it? That link was sent to me as a form of a "Contributer's Copy". How did they get access to that link? That leaves me feeling so very uncomfortable. Don't open this link!!

I checked a great number of links I also have on this blog and they seem okay.  This hijacking must have occurred from the publication end then. Sigh...so much for the immortality of the written word lol. 

Never Coming or Going Back to Zero

 We have been existing eternally, and will exist, and there is no power under the sun or above the sun which can undo your or my existence or send us back to zero.

Vivekananda

Basically, my pal Vivy ( as I like to call him) is saying that we do not die. Who we truly are...as consciousness... does not die.

Can you grasp  that idea as Truth?  It really is a game changer when you can.

All is well. 

Time for the Soul

 How can the soul, therefore, be said to be existing in time, when time itself exists in the soul? It has neither birth nor death, but it is passing through all these various stages. It is manifesting slowly and gradually from lower to higher, and so on. It is expressing its own grandeur, working through the mind on the body; and through the body it is grasping the external world and understanding it.

Vivekananda

Choosing the Voice that Says "Write!"

 I write only because there is a voice within me that will not be stilled.

Sylvia Plath

I tend to write and create things. Then, when I am staring down at what I created,  I will ask the quetsion, "Hmm! Now what am I suppose to do with this?" I guess, I have a tendency to want to still the voice within me more than anything else.  

That being said I do check after I write to see if what I wrote has meaning for others. I check to see, for example, how many people read this blog. I noticed, for the longest time, that the daily numbers on the blog stats page are really high. Recently, however, I noticed that the numbers on Google Analytics are high too. There are a lot more engaged sessions showing up on Google Analytics than there ever was.  Though, engaged time on each entry  from many of the areas  is not very high...it is high enough in some areas to make me question if this is actually getting out there. I begin to think ...maybe this learning is getting through to a couple more people...maybe it makes sense to another one or two people on this planet. Does that mean I am finally fulfilling this blog's purpose of reaching one or two people other than myself? 

I did not have high expectations of being read when I began lol. It is like "Oh Wow!...An 'added on' !" 

I do not have high expectations of "external" reward now.  I am seriously just doing what I feel so compelled to do with every entry, with every less than perfect video.  I listen to the inner compulsion and I write. If I don't, the voice will not be still. 

There is a bit of a tug- of -war going on in my psyche as I reflect on possible outcomes for what I do here. Part of me thinks "Cool...Life is taking care of this." The other part of me is not so sure. Ego is still around with it red-face, cringing in the background, wringing its hands, "Oh No!  How is that woman going to embarass us now? People could actually be reading this.  Doesn't she know she has to be careful about what she says?  What will these people think of us?" 

I have two voices within me, when it comes to this blog.  One says "Write!"; the others says "Don't expose yourself!"  Sigh!It takes a lot to quiet this ego which has manged my life for so long ...to tell it to shut up so I can hear the other voice. I feel this nudge to trust the voice inside me that says "Write!" instead of ego's. This voice that compells me here every day still meets a lot of resistance but it is louder than ego's voice now, more persistent.  It will not be silenced or stilled any longer. I am able to ignore ego's neurotic resistance somehow but I cannot ignore the voice telling me to write. Sigh! I continue to step up to the plate and do my best. 

I have been writing over ego's fear based warnings here since 2011?  (Before that if you count the time I used this platform as a private blog.) Crazy! That is close to 15 years...almost every morning ...becoming a ritual in my daily life. Never knowing why exactly. Never attached to any particular outcome. Just sitting down and sharing what I have been learning despite ego's protests. And the videos ...they put me even more out there. I guess it isn't "me" that I am putting out there. "Me" does not want to be anywhere near the potential less than favorable opinion it may receive from others for doing what I do and for doing it so imperfectly. So, it isn't this human I call "me" I am attempting to put out there but this learning I am gaining for some inexplicable reason that I know I am supposed to share.

It's all a little crazy.

Anyway...thanks to all readers! I appreciate you!

All is well. 

Retreating from the 'Usual self'

 The purpose is to retreat from the usual self, and to discover who you are under the usual self.  This does not happen conceptually.

Eckhart Tolle

The personality, according to Eckhart Tolle,  is basically the commentary of the mind. It is the conditioned "Me" identity. The personality creates a...

...state of latent dissatisfaction hiding under the surface

We need to escape from this suffering identity, from the prison created by our emotionally constructed self. 

 We need to begin the process of disindentification with the 'usual self '(surface self) so we can fall back into the deeper Self. This is the awakening process. 

The deeper Self does not exist in the world of conceptualization...

We do not need "identities", concepts, ideation, beliefs etc. In order to be here fully we do not need to remember our names, our roles, anything the 'little me' or "usual self" believes it is. We need to get beneath all that.  We need to  go deeper. 

True deprivation is not knowing who you are on the deeper level of your being. 

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle ( November 18, 2025) Escape from the Prison of the Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4epjNn6kYs&t=611s

Lost in Creations?

Your life needs to be a balance between creating and not getting lost in your creations.

Eckhart Tolle

I am sitting here with copies of the writing books I wrote beside me,  wondering what I am going to do with them now that the creative part is over.  I also  know there are other books I put even more time and effort into, in a box in my bedroom collecting dust. I forget so often that those other books exist...that I put many, many hours into writing them, into creating audio versions of each chapter, of creating tutorials.  I loved creating them.  I loved learning and teaching at the same time which I did in the creation of those books. Creating was the part that motivated me.  

I had some hope of their future worth to others...that was a motivating factor as well.  I had hoped they would be helpful, Redeemer Ego stepped in every now and again during the creating process to say things like, "Wow! Imagine if you were actually able to sell those books...to launch a new career as a part-time  EAL teacher to take you out of the finacial debt you are in."

I would recognize ego's voice and shut it down pretty quickly with, "This is not why I wrote them." 

 Ego's dreams of its form of success fizzled out quickly with the chirping up of "Shamer Ego".  "Who do you think you are writing such a book and having the audacity to think others might actually want to read it, let alone buy it?"  As it happens, the books just added to my debt. 

To which Redeemer Ego would then respond..."Yeah...but wouldn't that be a cool 'added on'?  :) 

Back and forth the dialogue went until I got so fed up with the monkey mind chatter that I rounded up the copies I had left, put them in a box, and stuffed them in my closet. Sigh! 

It is all good because I truly enjoyed the process. Thinking about them again is leading me to wanting to get them out there and volunteering my time as a tutor to newcomers in the area needing language learning support.  I could do that. ...if others needed and wanted what I had to offer, that is.

Hmm! 

As for the books beside me...I have an idea what do with them besides give them away to the kids...school library etc. Maybe they will get read and maybe they will do some good. Who knows? They are actually pretty good...all these books are.  The effort put into them shows but how they are received, I guess, is not up to me. 

I am not sure if that is a well balanced creative effort or not...but that is where I am at.

All is well in my world. 

Fulfillment is already here now.  A true creation can not come out of neediness.

Eckhart Tolle ( 2021) The Key to Conscious Creation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VXLqLhDDaI

More Wisdom from Eckhart Tolle

You do not have to be grateful for your life situation...but you can always be grateful for Life.

Eckhart Tolle ( somewhat paraphrased)

Eckhart Tolle on Fulfilment and Gratitude for Life

When you look for that goodness that is deep within you in external things...or look for the happy resolution, the happy ending that comes you will never be fulfilled. We need to recognize that we are already fulfilled...have just forgotten that we are. 

This "I am already fulfilled" begins by singling out this moment as much as possible, and noticing how the gratitude arises. 

Look for the goodness within...even in tough life situations...and you will find gratitude for life. 

On the Expression of Emotions

Expression is better than repression but...

The expression of emotion alone  will not free you. Expression can instigate the thought process. The thought processes can create renewal of these emotions.

Sometimes emotions can be transformed or transmuted by merely bring present to them.

We can express without indulging it or personalizing it...just watch it as energy. 

All is well

Eckhart Tolle/ Journey of Awakening (November, 2025) How to Stay Present When Everything Goes Wrong. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=prjiYZkLCNE

Suffering and Waking Up

 Suffering is not always neccessary to wake us up, but it helps!

Me

All is well!

"Who Am I?"

 Inquiring into the nature of one's self that is in bondgage, and realizing one's true nature is liberation.

Ramana Maharshi

Before I begin I want to point out that I continually pronounce that name wrong...I often pronounce it as Maharishi...add an "i" between the "r" and the "s"which refers to what Maharshi is.  Maharishi means an honoray title bestowed on a spiritual teacher.  So, I am not completely wrong lol when I add the extra "i" to his name.

Anyway, did three videos on a compulsion. They are imperfect and they are out there...maybe no one will listen; maybe a few will...it doesn't matter.  I felt pulled to do them for whatever reason. And I did. My job in that endeavor is done. The rest is not up to me. :) 

All good.

All is well.

Wisdom from Eckhart Tolle

 The world is not meant to make you happy.  It is meant to make you conscious.

Eckhart Tolle

Drawn to Eckhart Tolle's voice, presence, and shared wisdom over the last two mornings. So, I started jotting down some gems...( some of these tidpits may be paraphrased slightly)

On Lonliness versus Aloneness.

Solitude only arises when you accept aloneness

Relationships will reflect back to you your state of consciousness

If there is egoic dysfunction in you, that will manifest in all your relationships.

On Being Present

Be the consciousness rather than the person

Intensity of presence is important to cut through mind...

External beauty... as in music, art, nature can sometimes dilute the pure beauty of consciousness within...paraphrased...can be an entry point into that

...don't depend on a particular activity to become present...so that you can only be present unless you are doing this activity ( dancing, listening  to muisc or playing an instrumet, climbing a mountain, or driving a fast car) Use those helpful things only  until  you attain presence...than just soak up awareness itself, 

...so that presence is not bound up with one particular activity. paraphrased

On Money Reactivity

...You can become reactive [when dealing with money issues or talk] because you have in your mind that fear is associated with money and money is associated with an idea of scarcity and scarcity...perhaps from your childhood...is associated with the idea of survival...and all kinds of things, unconscious thoughts still live in you

On Reactivity, in general

The goal in that and any situation is to stay present...turn up the light of presence before you go into the situation [that has often triggered you in the past]...totally accept the what is of this moment...be really really present so you don't go into old reactive mode.

It is not you as the personality that emerges [when you are present]..it is the other half that emerges (without reference to the  past) 

...and that which is beyond the personality is freed and shines through [both in you and possibly the other person]

On removing interpretation, judgement, and narrative from the situation unfolding around you

...suddenly you are just standing there and you are breathing and you are looking around. Is that so bad?  It is no longer bad because your mind is nolonger telling you that it is bad. It is what it is.

You begin to realize that most of your unhappiness is derived from unconsconscious thought processes...and suddenly, or gradually, you awaken. But the world continues to challenge you but the challenges helps you...you are no longer drawn into reactivity. 

Every life form is continously being challenged from life.  These challenges bring about alertness. ...and this is how consciousness grows through being challenged. 

Eckhart Tolle/Journey of Awakening (November, 2025) Every Moment is an Invitation to Wake Up. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MiOSGJ6zRxk

Eckhart Tolle/ Journey of Awakening (November, 2025) The Most Peaceful People Simply Stop Fighting Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCIRrqgAtPc

 

Unworthy of the Holy Mind?

 Joy is all there is. Anything else is a preoccupation of the ego, unworthy of your holy mind.

Doreen Virtue ( many years ago before the transition)

I am thinking of Doreen Virtue's transition from what is roughly deemed as "new age" to her fundamentalist Christian beliefs. She introduced me to this concept of talking to "my angels"...well not really...as an Irish Catholic, I grew up saying the Gaurdian angel prayer every night....but she got me talking and even writing to my gaurdian angels everyday. (This is the first time I shared that in public in fear of being seen as a "woo-woo crazy lady"  lol. a little too late for that eh?) 

What a transition she has made.  Growing up in the metaphysical realm of understanding, becoming a psychologist, and from there going off in search of even  more metaphysical connection  she has become an icon in the spiritual self-help movement. Though she focused on the metaphysical, she never initally rejected the dogma of the religions that surrounded her. She embraced all religions, seeing one path to God. Though I only touched the fringes of her teachings because I myself was much too skeptical, for some reason, what she said and wrote resonated in me, in many ways. Thus my writing in a devotional journal since 2014, entitled "Dear Angels..." Now, she has renounced and denounced everything she has ever taught. This left me very confused.

Hmm! Well today, after being encouraged to connect to these angelic forces by Laura Lynn Jackson, the author of Signs I reopened that journal to my first entries in that devotional...which ironically started this time of the month 11 years ago. Every early entry began with an angel message from one of her books...and they were beautiful messages, getting past the shame, fear, despair that fills the human psyche and touching something within me. They "felt" true and real. Much truer than many of the messages I got from my own religion and the related scripture and dogma. 

Preoccupation with ego?

As I was reading her old messages I couldn't help but wonder how she went from such a loving, unconditional approach and  connection with the Divine to such a fear and shame based one. I did some research (and I do not know anything but) I see it was fear that brought her where she is now. I believe from what I read that it was ego that brought her into the public eye as a spiritual teacher and it was ego ...a very broken, paranoid, and fearful one...that brought her to where she is now. She was preoccupied with ego!

Huh?

No doubt the "New Age " movement is an ego based one. It is a multi billion dollar industry for a reason...things, including people, need to be promoted and sold. There is a population out here grasping for meaning and willing to buy up what is being sold. Many, many teachers get into this movement to reap  the rewards of the industry. Ego is very, very much active in many of these teachers...even the teachers I love to listen to, even the ones who may have been truely divinely inspired and gifted. So, when ego is involved there is bound to be ego inflation. When egos are inflamed in this material world where everything is at one's bidding...it is easy to get lost ...as many do. Teachers can lose touch with their internal motivations for the splendor of material success. That doesn't mean that some of them  didn't start out "connected" to something deeper.  Doreen Virtue started off experiencing the metaphysical understanding of things. From what I read I never heard her say that everything she said she experienced was a lie. She never said she was not gifted as a medium...she just said she discovered from reading a passage in Deuteronomy that it was a sin to use those gifts. They were evil. I immediately had visions of women with such gifts being burned at the stake. Who determines it is a sin?  The Bible or a patriarchal society?

I do not take the bible quite as literaly as a fundamentalist Christian might.  I see how open for interpretation and human intervention it is. So much was lost in translation, so much was lost and so much was removed in order to serve who...God or man? 

My open mind...my analytical mind...my love of science mind...my "Holy Mind" will continue to question anything metaphyiscal but I will often ask myself...what teaching, what belief, what understanding "feels" more real. In this case...her old teaching or her new? What do you think I might choose? What is truly unworthy of the Holy Mind?

Anyway...I pray for an understanding of Truth for all beings. May she find peace where she is now.

All is well. 

Are Mediums Real?

 We begin to understand that being alive on earth right now, in this moment, is a great gift-and that our choices affect not only our lives, but also the great tapestry of light and energy that is our world.

Laura Lynn Jackson, Signs, page xxi

I am reading Signs, (2019; The Dial Press) by Laura Lynn Jackson.  I seemed to have come full circle.  I started my quest for higher understanding beyond the psychological and physical nature of things by exploring mediumship.  I was ferociously hoping that this path would help me to tap into something that would explain the non physical and higher states of consciousness by connecting the physical to the invisible realm on the "Other Side." My skeptical, need-science- to prove- mind didn't get what it needed from this exploration. I couldn't understand why there was not more specific detail coming from that otherside...more "undeniable proof". Sure there were some details but most of what I witnessed could be chucked up to cold readings through mentalism. Though I truly wanted to believe, I became very skeptical of mediumship. 

That is until I listened to the Telepathy Tapes and reviewed the work done by Dr. Diane Powell and other "scientists". In Season 2 of the Tapes, I was introduced to Laura Lynn Jackson.  Since she underwent strict scientific investigation to prove her gifts were real...I found myself intrigued. Maybe, I said to myself, I need to explore this area a little more.

I am now reading "Signs." I am hoping it will calm my skepticism and open me up more to all that  I cannot perceive with my five senses.

Hmm! 

All is well. 

Feeling Down? Bring the Focus Up!

 

To see your thoughts you must look down from the seat of consciousness

Micheal Singer

I am looking down from the Seat of Consciousness at a body battling a flue bug and a mind worrying about it "turning into" another bout of pneumonia.  I have had this bug for a week now, waxing and waning, and I was so distracted by other life circumstances I never really thought about it. I had my grandson for a couple of days , was finishing up a blanket for one of the grandchildren, deciding what I would do with these books I wrote, read another book or two, writing and practicing certain things related to higher consciousness,  dealing with one little crisis after another etc. My focus  staid up at one level. I knew I was sick...I felt it... but I never really thought about it and therefore I was not overwhelmed with the symptoms.  Now, I am without those distractions so I am feeling the bug, and observing the mind do its thing with it. It is bringing my focus "down", so I am feeling more "down" physically,mentally, and emotionally. I am staring down from a Seat of awareness and I have the expereince of being "down". 

No one is depressed...they are staring at a depressed psyche

The Seat of the Objective Observer is the Witness Consciousness. Observation from here is simply observation and experience without  judgement, thought, feeling, etc. When we start adding "me" to the equation...what "me" is observing and experiencing in this small slither we are given to see....we bring this amazing consciousness down , down, down ...narrowing the focus smaller, smaller, smaller...and we start to become consumed with what "me" is perceiving, judging, preferring based on a psyche full of past experiences that do not match reality.  We are bringing our God focus down.

Here we are rays from the brilliant sun, rays from the greatest Source here to experience Life for that Source. 

What are you showing God right now...your junk?

We do not need to bring that focus down. We need to remind ourselves who we are and why we are here. We are...rays of beautiful light... being chiselled by these small seemingly individual experiences...We are not meant to get stuck or lost in them, the way we get when we  focus down...we are meant to shine brilliantly for the Source from which we come.

Bring that focus up away from "me".

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/Temple of theUniverse/ Sounds True ( November, 2025) Chiselled By Life-The Purpose of Every Moment. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kt5QmIMMNPA&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Not Taking It Personal

They don't not like you, they don't like the part of them that doesn't feel good in your presence.  That has nothing to do with you...liking and disliking is about them. 

Michael Singer

Imagine not being afraid of what people might think of you.  So many of us are people pleasers, trying to get people to "like us" so we can feel good inside, doing whatever we can so they have a good opinion of us.  We feel inflated when they demonstrate approval, and deflated and ashamed when they don't. How we feel inside often depends on how others think about us. Isn't that crazy?

You see, they, the other people, are not really concerned about us at all...they are concerned about how they feel when they are with us.  Are our samskara ridden personalities triggering their samskara ridden personalities? If so, they might believe they dislike us.  Do our samskara ridden personalities stroke, inflate, or avoid agitating their samskara ridden perosnalities?  If so they may believe they like us. 

It really isn't about us all and our need for their approval has nothing to do with them at all. We all just want to avoid upset to our own minds and thus that feeling of discomfort we experience when a samskara is rising to the surface. It has nothing to do with "other person".

\Anyway, that is the way I see it. We need to:

Be independent of the good opinion [and less than good opinion] of other people.

Abraham Maslow

Michael A. Singer/Temple of teh Universe/ Sounds True ( November, 2025) Work at the Root: Why the Mind is Restless. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75RXJxYOHaQ&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Opening the Eyes Slowly

 

Anyone who has common sense will remember that the bewilderments of the eyes are of two kinds, and arise from two causes, either from coming out of the light or from going into the light.

Plato, The Allegory of the Cave

Why are we not estatic all the time, feeling the flow of what is known as "Shakti" in our lives, feeling joy and peace and bliss, absolutely loving it all? Ancient eastern traditions teach that this is our birth right...to experience. Yet, most of us experience life through a very narrow and very "personal"  lens. We do not see the whole picture, the Truth, and full reality through this lens.  Our lives and our sense of reality are so small and narrow. 

Could it be that our opening and closing reaction to what Life throws our way is a protective mechanism the mind uses to keep us from exploding. Maybe Truth and reality, are at this point, too big and blinding for us? 

Huh?  Singer tells us we are "programmed" into selective reactivity/resistance by the experiences of our lives. We are conditioned, then, to close according to personal preferences. That's part of it. The other part is we are so lost in these false ideas of who we think we are as seperate little beings at the mercy of all going on around us that we don't see the whole picture.

We Don't See the Whole Picture?

Why don't we see the whole picture! Why don't we and why did the mind decide to open and close to the tiny bit we are experiencing?  

The mind may be actually trying to do us a favor. Neuroscientists, like Don Hoffman, tell us we close to so much of our reality because we might not, as humans, be able to handle it while in human form. 

We, according to many, are chained to a false projection of who we think we are in a world that seems so real but is actually only a simulation or projection. Its a misperception. We perceive being limited and seperate beings judging reality to be only what shows up as matter in front of us  ...like those who were chained in the cave of  Plato's allegory and seeing reality as the shadows being cast on the wall before them. In a modern take on this allegory, Hoffman says, in truth, we are all one consciousness wearing different  headsets in some virtual reality. The sense of a seperate body comes from the virtual reality headset we wear. Each unique sensory system in each  body is the VR headset we wear. What we perceive through each unique  headset becomes our reality. We get so lost in it...we believe it to be all of it. We see the body we are moving around in as the Avatar. We are "chained" to these avatar bodies believing them to be who we are.  We believe the information we pick up with these limited sensory headsets is all there is to reality. There is, however, so,so much more to Truth than this simulation, these shadows we are perceiving. Hoffman's theory goes a bit beyond "The Simulation Theory" many physicists are proposing. 

The point I want to make here...regardless of what theory you agree with...is that we can only perceive what we can handle.  Reality is too expansive ...too grand to know it all through these human brains.  The brain can only allow so much truth in. The body can only handle so much "shakti" at a time. So as long as we are in this body, the sense limitations and the selective preferring protect us from seeing too much, perceiving too much .  There had to be a narrowing of the reality projection that comes through our sensory headsets, a filter. 

Protection?

We close to protect the avatar and its headset maybe? The neurological parts of the body are protecting us through this closing. Of course, the mind is not the brain...it is beyond the brain...and the brain and its sensory system is just a virtual reality system...There is a deeper reality beyond the VR system that is responsible for the VR system. The ancient rishis who truly experienced this free flow of shakti...experienced this reality at a deeper level...without the headset.  They showed that the  headset can be removed and we can experience all of reality with this free flow of shakti pouring through us. Some consciousness researchers like Hoffman are trying to come up with a scientific approach of removing the headset or developing another one taht allows us to experience all of reality. 

But...just like getting re-exposed to the brilliant light of the sun after years of being trapped in a dark cave...we have to gradually reacclimate ourselves to the energy we long denied. 

When the headset is removed, we see everything clearly, there are no more veils of protection, and we have a free flow of shakti. The rishis called it "liberation" and believed that practice and meditation could help us to remove the veil so we can reexperience the light gradually over an extended process. I have heard many warnings when I first started practicing yoga to be careful...Someone said, "You do not want to wake up too fast! It could be dangerous to have this shakti flowing through in a fast moving torrent all at once. It is like an intense electric current that you might not be grounded enough to handle. You. also, might not be able to handle all of reality all at once.  It might blow your mind. So, open your eyes slowly." 

I often think of those prisoners being unchained from the cave in Plato's allegory.  They were taken out side into the sun after years of darkness and forced to see the brilliance of the sun. Without preparation this "going into the light" can actually be blinding. 

We can remove the headsets during this life time. We do need to release and let go of the samskaras blocking this shakti flow.  But it is a process.  We do need to be careful!

Let's look to both science and spirituality to guide us into a more gradual and gentle way of opening the eyes of awareness, to an expanded reality, and to Truth. 

Hmm! Anyway, how I ramble. 

Mayim Bailik's Breakdowm( November, 2025) Everything You See is a Lie. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OebT03UQWls

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/Sounds True (November, 2025) Unconditional Well Being  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Z35gmZRp9A&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Loving Self

 Love yourself as if your Life depends on it, because it does.

Anita Moorjani

I am starting to see more and more how important it is to love ourselves as we are now...to see beyond the broken personality and the ailing body, which are both  a result of a lack of awareness and purposeful self-love,  to the unwounded soul which is Love. Hmmm!

All is well

Learning From Others

 The key to becoming a master [at anything] is to take what is necessary from others, use it to identify your own natural talent or skill, and then create something equally effective, but is hoped with much greater simplicity and grace. 

Joseph McMoneagle