Truth is Impersonal

 That man alone can live in this world, he alone can say, "I enjoy this life, and I am happy in this life", who has seen the Truth, and the Truth in everything. 

Vivekananda, Complete Works, 2.6 Practical Vedanta and other Lectures

What is truth? 

It means recognizing neither good or bad, but knowing all as coming from the Self; Self is in everything. It means denying the universe; shutting your eyes to it; seeing the Lord in hell as well as in heaven; seeing the Lord in death as well as in Life....the earth is a symbol of the Lord, the sky is the Lord, the place we fill is the Lord, everything is Brahman. And this is to be seen, realized, not simply talked about or thought about....Neither good nor bad, neither life nor death-only the one infinite Brahman exists.

As Michael Singer would say, we are so busy focusing on the nontruths...what we created in terms of thought and identy as a little me that we do not see Truth.  We do not see God. We do not see Self.  If we would simply turn away and around from this very personalized thought stream what we are staring at and identifying as, we would see what is here and always was....the Impersonal. 

We are so busy creating more thoughts about our thoughts so we can be screwed up about our thoughts.

 We created an ego and a drama for ego but that is not truth.  It is all just thought.  As long as we personalize life we are not seeing Life.  As long as there is a focus on 'self', we are not seeing Self.  We even personalized Something so great, thinking it into a tiny personalized form. 

The impersonal God is a living God, a principle. The difference between personal and impersoanl is this, that the personal is only a man, and the impersonal idea is that. He is the angel, the man, the animal, and yet, something more which we cannot see, because impersonality includes all personalities, is the sum total of everything in the universe, and infinitely more besides. "As the one fire coming into the world is manifesting itself in so many forms, and yet is infinitely more besides', so is the impersonal. 

Truth is impersonal. Can you handle that? 

The soul is perfect it is just getting identified with something that isn't.Singer

Michael A. Singer (November 4, 2024) Finding Peace Through Truth and Acceptance.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1il3fkITR8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Swami Vivekananda (n.d.) The Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda. 2.6 Practical Vednanta and Other Lectures. Kindle Edition

Acceptance of Truth

 

The truth is it is not about me because there is no 'me'...there is just consciousness interacting with reality.

A real being is in the present moment serving it without needing anything from it. ...(paraphrased)

Michael A. Singer

This is the question I pulled out of the jar yesterday before I listened to this talk this morning or even seen the title. It is so funny how this works.

All is well

Michael A. Singer (Novemeber 4, 2024) Finding Peace Through Truth and Acceptance.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1il3fkITR8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

From Self to self?

 

You are the very structure and fabric of Existence.

Alan Watts

I have been feeling this knot in the center of my abdomen since I returned from my trip away (actually, it was there before I even left) that is aggravated and amplified by the thought of having to deal with the reality that surrounds me. I knew what I was coming home to and I didn't want to come home to it.  

Though I go through the motions of 'being there' for others and though I have even taken on more 'being there' roles since my return...I am not really here for others. This knot says pull back and I do. I am hovering over reality in some self-protective hover craft. I am not sure if  I am protecting self or Self but I am resisting the pull into other people's dramas big time. 

Some people are not noticing my lack of involvement because they have come up out of their darkness to some extent when I wasn't there...and have since then, because of getting the external help they needed, become independently hopeful again!!!!  (So grateful and that tells me about how little  I am needed...and that maybe I am even in the way of people getting better.  I am at this point...more than okay with that...I will gladly step completely away etc.  I actually want to step completely away. I just need something to step away into.  My hover craft is only temporary lol) 

Yet, there are others who tell me they are waiting with their wagonload of issues for me to come back to them. They are respectfully patient as I, with gut knot twisting inside me,  say, "I do not have it in me now".  They tell me they understand but then they kindly remind me that they need me and they let me know that if I don't 'help them' soon, something bad is going to happen. 

In my mind I am thinking, "Sorry but I got nothing left.  I am done.  I am just a walking carcass here...can't you see? I do not seem to have anything left for anyone, least of all me. I don't know if  this person you are looking for will ever be back." I don't tell them that but I know they are sensing it.

In psychology terms, what I am experiencing would likely be deemed as 'caregiver' burn out. That makes sense, of course,  but I do not tend to think just in psychology terms anymore, do I? There is, something tells me,  a big transition going on inside me that I do not completely understand.  It suprises me that this transition involves the protection of my ego identity as a 'me', or little self. My practice to date was all about dissolving this 'me' and serving others...now I have this inner voice  (this knot of resistance that gets loud when others ask me to go down with them into their pain) that says 'protect self, serve self'. 

Serve self?  

That blows me away.  I thought I was supposed to serve Self...which would mean everyone and renounce self. Now I am hearing and feeling, I need to nurture and protect this self so the Self can grow. 

Huh?

I suppose I have spent the last 30 years almost meeting the needs of my children or at least attempting to. What types of need was I meeting? Physical, for sure. Emotional and mental and some spiritual.  I guess, I have spent most of my life meeting their 'ego' needs and not enough time meeting their spiritual.  On the other side of that coin, though I have devoted the last few years of my life attempting to meet my spiritual needs, I have not been meeting my own physical, emotional, and mental needs. My own approach was contradictory. Spiritual needs are the most important-true- but there I was expending my own limited physical, mental and emotional energy to serve their egoes, not to help their souls to grow. How much could my soul grow in that mixed messaging?  How much could my higher Self grow if I was constantly trampling down self?

So though in Self is where I want to be, do I need to take care of that self that exists above It before I can let it go, before I can truly fall back into Self? Is that what this knot is all about?  I think so.

I need balance. My service needs to be more balanced.  I am, as a self and as a Self, a part of that which I need to serve. I am, afterall, the very structure and fabric of existence. Hmm!

That is quite a realization. 

All is well.

Signs and Wonders?

 Unless you see signs and wonders, you will not believe.

John 4: 48 ESV

Life is your spiritual practice. Can you handle it?

Michael A. Singer

Two thought streams are flowing through my mind now, as you can tell by the two above quotes.

One thought stream is centered around the need for miracles in order to prove to us that the invisible and often intangible essence of Life, known sometimes as Spirit, is real and the other thought stream is about taking our daily practice out of the mystical and etheral and putting it in the physical stuff we deal with everyday. Two entirely different thought streams or are they? Can they verge into one understanding? Hmm!

The need for miracles?

I seek miracles. Do you?  I am often looking for signs and wonders to support that there is something out there beyond what the five senses can pick up. I want more proof about the existence of the non- physical realm. What can I say?  I have a mind that gravitates toward empirical knowledge and evidence. I want to believe so badly in those that say "I talk to dead people" or "I can talk to angels and spirit guides." or "I was dead and this is what I saw."  I want these individuals  to prove to me that they have done or can do as they claim.  Have they to date? Do I believe them? 

I listen to all with a certain amount of hope laden skepticism. I won't believe just because I want to believe.  I am more likely to believe those sharing their NDE's because it makes sense to my scientific mind that consciousness does go on after body function ceases, that it reincarnates into other physical forms. I listen to some NDEers and I feel a resounding "Yes!" in my core, "This really happened to them or at least they truly believe it did."  I listen to others and hear within me, "They are making this up for ego reasons."  So I go back and forth. Still, I believe without emperical evidence that consciousness is not limited to this body.

If I can believe that consciousness is not bound by body...why wouldn't I believe in psychic, telepathic, and telekinetic abilities? The new division in physics (quantum mechanics) is proving all kinds of things that can support this on some level. I am also a want to be yogi. Yoga teaches about the Cittis...those abilities that can be gained by certain forms of Samadhi that most of us, non enlightened, would call magical.  Ram Dass shared in a podcast I recently listened to (and I am sorry I lost the link) about the abilities of his guru. Do I believe then? I still need more evidence to quench this science thing in me.

I find myself drawn to listening to and watching psychics...the famous ones...and I always walk away disappointed.  I want to believe so badly that they are legitimately reading others, I do...but as I watch I see cold reading, general and vague offerings that they then build upon based on the response of their clients (and the clients so want to believe they tend to jump on these vague things that could apply to many and see them as specifics). Even when I am watching I am saying "Wow! The client sees it as bang on!" until the client eloborates more and you realize just how their response only vaguely applies to what was offered and that hope makes it seem like so much more.  I always feel sad after I watch these things. If I were spirit and I wanted to make sure someone knew I was watching them I think I would be a lot more specific in the messages I relayed. I wouldn't just say, "Do you have something that belongs to that person?" I would get the psychic medium to say"That gold ring with the blue sapphire in the top drawer of your nightstand." Yeah...I don't have much faith in the psychics that exploit themselves on TV.  or who make a lot of money doing what they are doing.

That doesn't mean I do not believe psychics are real.  It is the fairly unknown ones that exist in obscurity...that you find out about by word of mouth, that are not flashy or promoting their gift...they are the ones I am drawn to. They do not even seem happy with what they are doing but feel compelled to do so. I would like to sit down face to face with one of them. I think I would be able to "feel" if their gifts are real or not. Hmm! 

And I am looking for signs and wonders all the time.  I even find them.  I would like to believe that there is something I cannot see surrounding me, supporting me...taking me to where I need to be spiritually.

Life as a spiritual practice

I do believe that my practice is more about how I handle everyday life than it is about what spirit shows me through signs and wonders, or during meditation. I want to be the deepest part of Self but I know I need to work my way through the little self to get there. The little self is still entrenched in my secular life. 

You get to the state where you realize your secular life is not different from the spiritual life...

you have to learn to use what is going on for your spiritual growth.

I still meditate.  I still listen to great masters of wisdom; I still read anything I can get my hand on related to spiritual growth but I know now...what I encounter out there in the physical world is my biggest learning challenge.

Real Life and meditation feed each other...they are the same...they are your path

I know I am not just this body and personality. I am this spirit more than anything. And it is its growth that I am here to support. 

My entire Life is about my spiritual growth. This[whatever unfolds in front of me] will help me go to God."

What do I do when something challenging shows up?  A wise person says, "First, calm down.  Ask if there is anything I can do to stop this from coming/changing this?"  ( serenity prayer). Can I handle the fact that I can't do anything about this happening or having already happened (reality)? If not, I must  surrender to reality. I must accept. 

Surrender is not about doing or not doing...it is about surrendering and accepting reality...surrender the part of you that cannot handle reality.

Then, the person truly on a spiritual mission, even when there are no signs and wonders, asks, "Is there something I am supposed to be doing to assist the moment that is going to happen whether I like it or not. How can I serve this moment regardless of what the lower part of me feels about it?"

And here is where the two thought streams come together.

Michael Singer reminds us that when we surrender to what is, the forces that are will call upon us to respond and they will guide our actions.

Everything guides the unfolding of a surrendered being

I want to be a surrendered being first and then I will embarce, without attachment, any signs or wonders that come my way. 

All is well!

There have been others: Eckhart Tolle and Ram Dass who inspired this entry but I failed to jot down those links...my bad.

Michael A. Singer (October, 2024) Turning Daily Life into a Spiritual Practice. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BEpEqUVOKYI&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

Pulling Away from Ego

 How do I get done [of ego's pull]? 

By going through the experiences Life puts you through.

As I have been writing about observing my own ego at work in challenging moments, of seeing its pull, noticing my habit tendency of moving towards this pull...and knowing that I no longer want to go where it is taking me...I discover that Michael A. Singer's podcsts are serendipitously going in that same direction. Go figure.

I want to be done with ego. Not like in a 'breakup because you suck'  way but in an "I don't need to listen to you or follow your dramatic directions anymore" way. My goal or motive ( I guess I still have a motive...my bad) is to be peaceful in each moment no matter what Life offers me, not needing or wanting to change what unfolds in any way. 

Singer reminds us that even when we feel we are done with ego, ego is not done with us. Ego with its concern about the opinion of other people, its need to be recognized and accepted; its fears and worries;  its nagging need to control and manipulate the outside world so it feels okay inside; and all its defenses and attacks is just doing what it does. It is simply being an ego.  And it isn't going anywhere.  It doesn't have to.  

When we are in an unhealthy relationship and reach the point that we no longer want this relationship to continue as it is because we do not like the  way we are feeling and behaving in it...it is not up to the other person to leave or change. It is up to us to own what we have been doing and walk away. 

How do you walk away from someting that is a part of you, crazy lady?

First of all, ego is not a part of us...it isn't even real.  But we have created a deeply rooted mental construct and as long as we are seeing ourselves as "I's" and "mes", ego will seem like a part of us.  So, you are right, we cannot completely detach from it.  

So, what do we do then?

Let's just say you were having a long term live-in relationship with someone who had a very needy,  overdramatic personality. You came to terms with how unhealthy the relationship was...how unhealthy and unhappy you were in it; that you had spent all your years together serving this other person and putting great effort into meeting all their 'unwholesome' needs. Doing so never gave you what you truly wanted and needed at the deepest level.  In this realization, though you would leave, there is no other place for you to live or go. You have to stay in the same apartment with them. What would you do then?  

You would likely create some space between you and the other....some distance. Maybe, you would move into the spare room.  You would not continue to fight or struggle against this person nor would you believe all their manipulations and reasons for their emotional outbursts.  Doing either would jsut create more messy drama. You would recognize the drama and watch it cooly, from a distance, without getting pulled into it. You would recognize how easy it is to get pulled into it and be a bit more vigalent. You wouldn't blame the other person  for pulling you in when you got caught up in it, forgetting once again who you are...and they will seem to keep pulling you in for a while.....you would see how it was you that slipped when you do and take accountability for it.  All the while, you would recognize and accept this is just the way this person is, not asking or needing them to change, remaining cordial and kind if not overly affectionate as you observe and interact with them. You would know they are not you and they are just doing what they know to do.

Your room mate is going to continue doing what they are doing. The weather inside that apartment might be a bit challenging. Some days they will blow fire, other days snow.  Somedays it is like they filled the rooms with a soft May breeze, other days it will be a tail end of a hurricane...but you will just retreat to your own room when things get nasty in here and spend your time working on you. All the energy and effort you once spent on appeasing your partner who never seemed to be appeased...will now be spent on serving Life and whatever moment it offers you. You will be learning to just relax, and let go, and be peaceful with the inner weather; whatever this room mate does; and whatever Life gives you. Less and less, will you get pulled in by the ego's antics.  This room mate's voice will become meeker and meeker the more you pull back away from it and eventually you won't hear them at all. You will look around the apartment you shared one day to discover they were no longer there.  

Now, that is being done with the ego. 

We do not have to fight ego or struggle against ego.  We do not have to fight the moment Life gives us because the ego doesn't like it. We just need to move a bit away from ego and make it a point to do our best not to get pulled into its drama. We do not have to leave.  Ego will leave on its own when soul is ready to let go.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( October 31, 2024) The Art of Being Done. A Life Without teh Struggle of Ego. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tXclQgF2g4o&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

Reminders of Truth from a Book

 For you are He, the Omnipresent God Almighty, the Soul of your souls, and if I say you are not, I tell an untruth. I know it, whether at all times I realize it or not. He is the Oneness, the Unity of all, the Reality of all life and all existence. 

Vivekananda, Complete Works: 2.6 Practical Vedanta and Other Lectures

I almost cry when I read that. It hits something I already know inside me. So, as I struggle with the age old question:  Why? Why is Life so challenging at times?...this small passage reminds me of what I already know somewhere in my core.  It is all in perfect order.

This book is teaching me so much.

How do you know that a book teaches truth? Because you are truth and feel it.

Vivekananda, as above. 

All is well.

The "Added-On"

 But seek first the kingdom of God and all His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

Matthew 6: 33 ESV

And Micheal A. Singer expresses that message this way: 

Serve the miracle of Life as opposed to serving yourself.

Most of us, if we are being very honest, spend our lives here on Planet Earth serving our little selves, our egoes. We put most of our energy and effort into feeding this human part of mind we call 'me', making it comfortable, getting it all the things it says it wants and needs. We focus on the 'added on'.  Sure, we may seekthe kingdom of  God or the spiritual (again...just words, right?) but we often do so in order to get those added on things. The 'added on' is often our goal, not the kingdom of God. (Thinking of  what was done with this 'manifesting' thing many people are in to.) 

The 'added on' things are those things like the perfect partner, the right amount of money or success, the right life situation, the feeling good inside...  that we assume will make 'little me' more comfortable and happier.  We do not realize that when we focus on that, we are narrowing the amazing light of consciousness (that which we are) down onto this tiny mind created personality that seems to exist in a tiny speck of dust which is gravitationally stuck to a tiny bit bigger speck of dust, blurring everything else out. 

This tiny personality we identify as ' me', with its tiny desires and aversions, is what we tend to serve. And it isn't even real. It is something the mind made by collecte and storing all our memories....mostly the painful. It is a very messy creation that wants and needs so much to keep it appearing real.  What we 'seek' then, is that which  will make this 'me' stop throwing tantrums; that which will soothe it, and make it 'happy'...not God's kingdom.  

How do you make the self, that you are not, happy?...[is the question of this time period.]

We fail to see what is in those blurred out portions of the image this moment experience is providing.  We see the moment sure...but we often look at it through a very narrowly focused lens and say, "Oh no!! Not this!  Give me another moment." 

We may even get on our knees and pray to this 'God' that is somewhere in the out of focus part of our experience and say, "Help 'me'! Take away this moment and give me another one.  I don't like it!"  Sure, we are praying then but we are not seeking the Kingdom of God when we do that...we are seeking the 'added on'. We are not serving the moment; we are resisting it. We are not focusing on God; we are focusing on the drama of this thing that isn't even real. 'Me' isn't real and we are not the drama it is going through. We are the observers and experiencers of it!

You are so busy staring at 'you'...how are you going to see your divinity?

Of course, I realize I still have a bigger ego than most and it is my Life commitment now to get done with this 'me' so I can get to the kingdom of God (and I don't even know what that is or what I will find there...I just know to the very core of me that it is much more than the 'added on').  I want to serve the moment in front of me. 

 Am I devoting myself to the moment in front of me (God)?

Michael Singer in the below linked podcast challenges us by saying that the moment we tell ourselves we are going to be egoless, is the moment ego pops up. I can attest to that.  In my desire now to seek the kingdom over the added on; in my commitment to serve without attachment to outcome; and in my intention to be done with ego...I find and see ego everywhere, more so than I ever did! Ironically, there are more challenging life events for this ego to trespass through.  I get sucked in to its drama so frequently now.  I find myself splashing around in there lost for moments, hours, days, and weeks at a time. I find myself shouting out to the Universe, God, Life- whatever might be hiding in the cropped or blurred portion of my image- "No, not this!  I do not want this moment! Give me another!"  I forget, again and again, that I am not that 'me'  being swallowed up by the life challenges.   I forget that I actually want that 'me' to get swallowed up because it is only in the way.

How do I get done with myself? 

It is so hard for my logical mind to believe that the challenges are showing up to serve that which 'I am' by shaking up the 'me'...It is hard for me to believe that Life, God, this moment...has my best interest at heart...that it is serving the "I am" that I am. I cannot conceptualize that...but...I want to know it is. 

I know in my core that I need to get beyond 'me' and I need to serve the moment in order to reach that peace that I am longing for.  [Is that idea of peace an 'added' on?  Am I seeking the 'added on' then by seeking unconditional peace no matter what Life throws my way? Idk.]

I want to love the moment I am in, no matter what is happening in it! 

The moment in front of you never existed before and will never exist again...there will never be another moment like that one in front of you...it must be for you...don't miss it.

The thing is I am not sure how to best serve the moment in front of me.  I am not sure what to do. I spend hours of my so called 'free-time', when I am not dealing with all these challenges, writing here, for example, thinking that I am serving without attachment to outcome but ego is still around, checking the stats, wanting more. I seem to be okay that the poetry that comes so naturally out on this page will remain in obscurity but there is still a sad little ego in the background, scuffing its feet  with its head down saying, "Ah shucks! Looks like I will never get more than a few readers." Ego is still around and it wants the added on. 

I mean I am not getting the 'added on'. I am not being rewarded in any external way for my service (plenty of internal rewards) but I still serve the moments in this way. As I do, ego's voice  is getting more and more faint. That has to account for something...doesn't it?

So, what about all these challenging moments that show up? 

I want to accept, embrace, honor and learn from every moment that Life gives me.  I do. Up to a point, I can look at challenge and love it! Sometimes, though...I look at the challenging moment and say, "Are you kidding me?"  I want it gone! Or, I want to be gone from it. 

"The creator of the universe created this for me...I want to be here now in it."

I personally do not like this ego life I am experiencing.  There is very little joy.  I am okay with letting it go. At the same time, I know that self-compassion is so crucial to our human development and to our spiritual growth. What do I say, then, to this ego in the way?

Oh, ego you are so cute but your days are numbered.

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( October, 2024) Learn to Serve the Present Moment/ The Michael A. Singer Podcast. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=USDcUerEljg&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

Interacting With What Is Showing Up Now

 What is the best way to interact with this situation?

What it means to be here now is not to be there then.

Michael A. Singer

I have a hard time when I hear people talking about consciousness and thought saying that we create our own reality.  I can't help but say, "I created this mess? I am responsible or "to blame" for this? What is wrong with me?"  And oh the pressure I feel...the guilt and shame.  "I have to change my thinking before I hurt anyone else." 

I much rather say to myself, "This is just reality unfolding in front of me and it is the result of many different varibles that have little to do with me.  I am not responsible for it.  I have little control over it.  All I have to do is surrender to it...accept it, embrace it and learn from it."

I don't want to feel self blame for the way things  in my life are unfolding: challenge, challenge, and more challenge when it isn't meant to be this way...that is is a result merely of my mixed up thinking.  

I have no problem observing and accepting and saying to myself, "Oh this is what Life is throwing in my direction.  Alright...I will accept it and grow because of it. I will do the best that I can with this and observe what comes back without attachment to outcome." 

I don't know...I just don't want to think that my years of inner disturbance and my mixed up thinking is the cause of all I am observing in Life.  I know it definitely has some karmic effect because thought leads to feeling...feeling leads to action ....but 

When others are suffering around me and to think that I am not only helpless in helping them...I am the cause of it...is just too much.

I have to think of that.

This will help me go to God...noticing that I have some imbalance inside me.

All is well.

Truth Beyond self

 Step back away from yourself and you will see truth better than if you look at yourself.

Michael A. Singer

Caught this human I call me again following the ego part of its mind into reactivity. I discovered last night how very sensitive I am lately as this big samskara of not being enough as a friend makes its way out of me.  Most of it is out already, but there are  still tentacles clinging by their suckers to the heart's open door. I noticed it activated last night when I wasn't being heard by a friend as I spoke. Ego got louder and louder, and this human I call 'me' got more and more annoyed, more and more hurt, more and more determined to make this person hear me. I went from identifying as the hurt human trying to be heard in a friendly conversation to pulling back and watching what was going on and what this human was experiencing and doing.  I felt annoyed and hurt in one moment...I watched this human experience annoyance and hurt in another. I got pulled in again...I pulled mySelf out again. I was a loud, semi obnoxious ego raising its voice and making sure it was heard in one second and in the next second I was calmly detached watching it all go down. Then somewhere in that experience I decided to stay where I was...to not follow ego.  So I zipped my lips and just sat where I was listening. It was a strange experience but every experience like this helps us to see what the mind does and proves the fact that we do not have to follow the mind!  Truth is found beyond the mind, beyound the self. 

All is well!

Conversing with the Disturbed Mind.

 

Don't make changes in your life... ever... based on your disturbed mind...

Michael A. Singer

A conversation between Consciousness and mind. 

"Hello Mind. Are you disturbed?"

"What do you think??? You see what is happening out there! What they are saying and doing!! What the world is throwing at us!  Of course, I am disturbed!!! Blah! Blah! Blah !!!! You need to do this and that to fix it. Blah!Blah!Blah! Close that darned heart door so it stops hurting!!!"

"Oh yea! I see you are very disturbed.  You are disturbed and heart is suffering but we are not going to  make any life changing decisions until this disturbance subsides. And  it will. Like any wave, it will trough. This situation you deem as the cause of the disturbance will pass, or at least subside. The calm peaceful state will surface again. You'll see."

"WTF? Blah! Blah! Blah!!!!You need to do this and that. Blah!lBah!Blah! Fight it! Push it away! Do something to protect this "me"! Close that darned heart door so it stops hurting!!"

"No. The thing Life just handed us, the disturbance in heart and mind that I am observing, will pass...but the consequences of the decisions we make while disturbed might not. So, this human being must relax and be calm first. This human must be careful not to act on disturbance. "

"No!  This is so wrong! So unfair! So bad! We need to do something!!!! We need to stop it from coming in!! Blah! Blah! Blah!!!You need to do this and that. Blah!Blah!Blah! Close that freakin heart door so it stops hurting!!" 

"I am not going to listen to you, Mind.  Oh, I want to...something in me really wants to go there into your captivating drama, but I have learned from the past that I will only get lost there. I don't want to get sucked into that quicksand of disturbance again. I feel the pain in the heart. I do. But I am committed to doing anything I can to keep it open.  I am not going to let you have your way, Disturbed Mind. I am not going to close the heart, and I am not going to react by doing something foolish or unwholesome."

"What the F (front door)? Are you crazy??"

"Oh Mind...I feel for you I do.  I see how much you and heart are hurting and why.  There is so much inside this human that we stuffed and stored over the years to protect it.  And yeah, so many things out there will trigger it. But we just need to stop storing so we can release all this stuff.  We need to clean stuff out, not push more stuff in. If we react with every disturbance, we will just make more of a mess, won't we? Let's stop reacting, creating more Karma. Let's stop stuffing and storing.  Let's just let it all go...let it all pass through. If you are not ready to do that, that's okay.  I am just going to have to step back and away from you while you are disturbed."

"Are you breaking up with me??" 

"No, I need you...well not so much when you are disturbed... but when you are creative, and intelligent, and figuring things out I want you and need you in my life here. I understand why you are getting disturbed and doing what you are doing though. I do.  I love you anyway. I am just going to decide when I follow your directions and when I don't. I am not going to allow you to pull me into your drama anymore. I am going to step away to relax when you are getting all uptight.  I am going to breathe, relax the body, practice yoga, meditate, use mantras, and throw some positive thinking on top of you when you are disturbed. I am definitely not going to make the life changes you are telling me to make at those times."

"Huh? You don't trust me anymore! We used to be on the same page. Do you expect me to change?"

"It's okay honestly.  I don't hate you and I am not expecting you to change. You be you. I just need to change my focus of attention.  That's all. I am going to widen my lens so it sn't so focused on you.  I am going to direct this body to relax.  I am going to direct the heart to stay open.  I am going to observe the human and you and all the drama going on from this nice peaceful seat way up high here. I get a much better view up here than I do when I am face down in your mud.  We are not adding to the karma debt from up here either.  It is a much better place to be." 

"I am still disturbed!"

"I know.  I hear you but it will all pass.  It will all pass. I just want to watch it happen." 

"No!  This is so wrong! So unfair! So bad! We need to do something!!!! We need to stop it from coming in!!Blah! Blah! Blah! We need to do this and that. Blah!Blah!lBah! Close that heart door so it stops hurting!!" 

"Good bye mind. Come join me up here when you are calm."

You are the consciousness that observes a calm mind or a disturbed mind.  If mind is calm consciousness does not get distracted by it [it stays in the Seat], when it is disturbed consciousness will get pulled into it [consciousness will lose its identification with essence and fall into the muck of mind, identifying with it.] 

Consciousness does not have to be pulled into the disturbed mind.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( October, 2024) When the Mind Becomes Disturbed. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3G3Z4fxLnk&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=6

A Perfect Yoga Mantra

 "I am committed to going through this situation. And I am intending that when I go to bed tonight, there will be less ego inside me than there was when I got up this morning."

All is well! 

Compassion when Interacting With the Sum of a Person's Experience

 Compassion means you got out enough to see why people are in. Why? Because you were in and you can see how you were when you were in. 

How do you interact with compassion? You understand. The first step is to say, "I am interacting with the sum of this person's experience". 

Michael A. Singer

I wanted to stress that my entry yesterday was me...an imperfect and yet to be evolved human being...beginning to see clearly beyond ego. I was able to see how my own reactive ego was behaving days before. Then when I decided to stop struggling against what Life was offering...I could see my ego even clearer...I could see the samskara that was so triggered by this other ego behaviour.  When I committed myself to using this to help release taht blockage...knowing the only way through is through... I could so clearly see the ego of others. Because ego is just ego, right? I do not want to have my reactive ego standing toe to toe with someone else's reactive ego.  That is nonsense. More importantly, I do not want to be consumed with anger and resentment. I want it all out of me.  What is happening here , for me, anyway, is a positive thing because it it is allowing for a samskara release.  It is cleansing me of at least one samskara. I am therefore, lighter, freer, and a lot more clearer becasue of this. 

The resentment is pretty much gone. I can have empathy and compassion for the people involved. I can have more empathy and compassion for myself.  I can. Not because I am better than them or anything like that...only because I too was caught in that ego mind frame for most of my life.  I did, said, and sent out many unwholesome things when I was in it. And now that I have a few toes out of it, I can see clearer why people get caught in it.  

I love this:. 

How do you get mad at a baby for peeing in their diaper...how do you get mad at someone for getting caught in their ego. [Both are natural for the stage of devolpment the person is at.]

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe. (October, 2024) Beyond the Mask of Ego: Embracing Pure Awareness. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IKK9stjiOm4&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

Becoming A Servant of Reality

You took birth on Earth to evolve...are you working with evolution or against it? 

Michael A. Singer

In the midst of a very challenging situation (one, like I said, amongst many) I felt the snipping of a tether recently ...followed by this amazing clarity. 

Just when I was getting so overwhelmed ...so at the verge of "losing it!" and questioning out loud why people were doing what they were doing...I felt this sudden need to relax into what is. When I did, something amazing happened. I could suddenly see the patterns of human behaviour occurring in me and around me...I could see and understand why certain people who seemed to be stirring up this drama we were all unwillingly assigned roles in, roles that did not fit, were doing what they were doing now and in the past.   I could see the personality at work in myself and others. I could especially see it in someone I knew for years and whom I always felt guilty, less than, and ashamed around for some reason. Most importantly, I could see, thanks to this experience, that I  was carrying around a deeply rooted conditioned belief in my imperfect self; a belief that said that I did nothing but hurt this person in the past and that they in their superior and more moral, as well as much more intelligent state, were kind enough to forgive me and tolerate my presence on this Earth. For 45 years I had that in me! 

When my imperfect loved one ...whom the drama is being created around...first entered that family dynamic I feared for some strange reason that both of our human imperfections would be placed under the microscope. I encouraged my child so strongly to " be good". They weren't always good. They instead  made mistakes, some of them big  and this person from my past in their superior moral development, I believed, was forgiving and tolerant as any martyr should be.  That was before I began seeing the transference of that same core belief I had in me, in my loved one.  And then with this incident I could see so clearly why my loved one thought that way...what this belief was doing to them.  Though my loved one is 100% responsible for anything they did that was self or other destructive, that was dishonest or unkind (and they did not handle this well with kindness and honesty), I began to see, especially with a bizarre incident that happened a few years ago,  how the relationship and the family situation they found themself in was so toxic. I my loved one then, "You need to get out of this relationship, away from this toxicity, but you need to do it with honesty and kindness". Years later; it did not end with honesty and kindness but they are out! 

Despite the way the ending of it was done...which they will remain responsible for... I see how much lighter my loved one is to be out of it and away from these personalities, even with all this chaos going on now over custody. My loved one is seriously changing their life around. Though the other human beings involved are by no means responsible for anything my loved one brought into the relationship and what they said, did, or put out there while they were in it - and my loved one screwed up big time more than once- the belief that was insidiously absorbed would have swallowed them alive if they didn't get out. So, this was an ending that was needed for everyone's sake. 

I did not see the toxicity right away and blamed my loved one for making another big mistake that threw us under this judging microscope once again...I did not make the connection right away between that belief in them and the one in me.  I did not connect the pieces to find the common denominator. Most importantly, I did not clearly see the samskara with all its tentacles that I had stuffed within me and therefore I did not see through all the pain and confusion of this very challenging situation the gift the universe was giving me to free myself of it. That is until the other day when I expressed that I no longer wanted to communicate with that person from my past. Something lifted.

 Throughout the mixture of intense emotions that followed: confusion, guilt, shame, anger, blame, resentment, frustration (I was being pulled up one emotion at a time to acceptance and then peace), it was like this belief was suddenly lit up inside me. I could see it all so clearly.  I could see how much I suffered because of it...how much I tried to deny it. I could see how I was not being honest with myself or others over the years, always trying harder than I had to do to make things alright in that family dynamic, scolding my loved one for not being better in their eyes, and how I, and my entire family actually, always walked away from their family gatherings feeling less than.  I could see how the present situation - the unfair way this person from my past was trying to turn my loved one into a villain by creating story so they could not only control custody but control  how this situation appeared to society, how they appeared to society... was activating my samskara. When I stopped resisting what was happening and just observed it...the samskara came up to the surface and was released. My 45 year-old samskara was released!!! I felt so light and so peaceful! It was amazing!

 Then the way I looked at this person changed so much.  I went from a perspective of thinking she was so much better than me, to thinking she was so much nastier, controlling and more manipulative  than me, to just seeing a person hurting, doing what she can to get by using her unhealthy coping mechanisms...I could see a human being, no better than me, no worse than me...just another 'me'....needing to create stories of villains and victims so they could resume a self-protective role as martyr and rescuer. I could see how this habit tendency of manipulating the world in such a way was always being done so that this one individual didn't have  to look in at their own pain...so that they didn't have to accept reality.  If they were on a mission to save someone, they could prove to themselves and others how sacrificing they were...and once again how moral, how wise, how giving they were. They would establish a false sense of control over the world around them. Without that protection of a martyr's self image to cling to, where would they be in all the pain they were going through? 

I feel the pain of all involved I do.  Like I literally feel the pain of my loved one's ex-partner.  It's palpable.  Though, I knew my loved one was only responsible for so much of it...I could see clearly how what was done was triggering old samskaras and stirring them up. The sense of abandonment would be crushing!  I could see and feel how the thought of no longer having full control over the parenting situation, as a shared custody would entail, would increase that pain ten-fold.  I could see and feel that.  I wanted so hard to assist in any way I could to ease that pain. I was trying to support but then the family stepped too far over the line that was comfortable. They didn't just step on my puny little ego's toes they stepped right in front of my center and my center encouraged me to use this as a way to grow and evolve. When I said, "Yes! I will." ...a deeply entrenched samskara lifted.  It was amazing.

Don't get me wrong...this human that I call "me" is still around reacting...still feeling bouts of intense anger and resentment over this...still feeling guilt at times (so conditioned)...still feeling confusion...I have work left to do...but for the most part I feel so much lighter, so much clearer and so much more peaceful. I am so grateful for this experience and for these people and all they are doing for taking me here. 

I am not sure how this situation will turn out but I have faith that it will turn out the way it is meant to: "May Thy will, not my will be done!" 

Ironically, I listened to Michael A Singer say the following today in a podcast (maybe not in these exact words but listen for yourself).  It left me thinking, "Yeah, there is some divine order here, isn't there? Even in apparent challenge, injustice, and chaos there is some type of order being worked out. Man, this is so cool!"

If every single thing is exactly the way you want it to be you are stagnant. 

We need to learn to assist evolution not resist it...to  peacefully say and mean it, "Not my will but Thy will be done." 

There is no growth without change. 

Helping evolution is about being more conscious....

Self can handle this stuff the human is going through...and the self that this human too often sees itself as can handle it too...as long as it seeks to go where Self is before dissolving into it. 

When you can accept reality, you become a servant of reality....

All is well!

Michael A. Singer ( October, 2024) The Power of Acceptance: Evolving Beyond the Ego. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5SZY51ONgpQ&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

Crooked Hearts

 'O look, look in the mirror,

O look in your distress: 

Life remains a blessing,

Although you cannot bless.

O stand, stand at the window

As the tears scald and start;

You shall love your crooked neighbour 

With  your crooked heart.'

W.H. Auden from As I went Out One Evening   https://poets.org/poem/i-walked-out-one-evening

I wrote a big spiel this morning about the crookedness of others hearts. Oh, I briefly mentioned mine but I made it a point to point a finger and call the others crooked, self-righteous, and acting out of pain and vengeance. I made it a point to talk about what they were seeing in us and how they were judging us as crooked.

Hmm! Does that not echo Auden's words beautifully?  Here I am with my crooked heart (full of samskaras: stuffed and stored feelings and events) looking out the window at others  and judging them  as crooked as they are judging me.

Sigh! I don't know what these people are seeing and thinking. I can feel the pain and I can justify anger and resentment in this, I can...but man oh man...it is hard to deal with their crooked agenda because it is hard to deal with my own crooked heart.

All is well

Dealing and Releasing What is Holding Us Down

 You can't go up as long as that thing[samskara] is holding you down.

Michael A. Singer

I agree with Michael A. Singer as I listen to this morning's podcast. Spirituality is not about feeling good all the time and never experiencing difficulty....it is about how we handle life when things are not feeling so good and how we handle reality when difficulty arises. Can you live the teachings in time of difficulty?

I am trying to, but it isn't always easy. My heart is breaking with all the things I am dealing with, and I just want to protect it. I want to scream in protest over the slander and defamation of a loved one's character I am constantly being made aware of by certain others. It has been brought to my attention that unjust accusations, lies, and self righteous judgement is being spread through the community. This often, apparently, goes on in professional settings.  Though this loved one is responsible for what they have done in the past, for how unwholesomely they ended a relationship, and for how quickly they have started another...there is no fact or evidence associated with why this individual is not fit to have their children. So past mistakes are being used in a very repetitive and unwholesome way so these individuals who have this idea that they know more, are somehow brighter, more ethical and moral, and more capable than me and my loved ones can have control of the situation.  It is like OMG...open your eyes and see what you refused and denied to yourself before.  Stop judging, stop creating story and look at the truth. I know what the truth is.  I have evidence and am collecting more and that, if anything only puts these individuals in a very negative light. I can empathize with their pain and their concern. I can but this goes beyond what is morally 'wholesome'.  I have no choice but to fight and use the evidence I collected if I have to to defend this truth. I believe in truth.  I am not denying, suppressing any reality because it would make it more comfortable inside here for me...I am beyond all that.  I took every concern to heart and investigated it. I objectively looked at both sides (though I could not help but be somewhat bias). I find myself concluding that what they are doing is not fair.  It is not morally right, and it is not fair to anyone. Then, I put away my judgements and say...it is what it is. I don't want this battle.  I don't...but I have to stand up and deal with this.  Where am I going to get the energy to do that?

I want to put my energy where it is needed most? Is that at the side of a dying loved one, in the support of other suffering beings in my household, my own health, these personal things I am trying to accomplish here (writing etc), trying to make an income so I don't go belly under, or on the battlefield?  (I am reminded all of a sudden of what Lord Krishna said to Arjuna before He sent him out on the battlefield.) 

There is nothing more auspicious for a warrior than a righteous war. Only the fortunate warriors, O Arjuna, get such an opportunity for an onsaught war that is like an open door to heaven.  (Gita:3:1, Humanities Libre Text)

Right now, I am trying to deal with it all. Am I bothered?  Yeah

So where do I start dealing with all this stuff? Definitely not on the battlefield though I will go there when it is time. 

I start with me...inside me. I am bothered.  And I am closing my heart. All these things happening at once are showing me that I still have some work to do. The real question isn't what do I do about all these things Life is throwing in my direction. How do I make it stop? The real question is:  What have I still got inside me that all this stuff is bumping against? 

As long as those samskaras are inside us, we will not feel the real love within that makes us who we really are. We will constantly be closing to that love beneath the blockage because we are constantly selecting what should come in and what should stay out ( preferring). We will not go higher. Hmm! 

For the sake of holistic wellness (which includes a certain degree of spiritual freedom in this lifetime) we need to learn to accept all that Life gives us or shows us by simply  staying  open as we do. We do not ask the lower energies within us to relax (this worry, anxiety, grief, pain, and pressure I am feeling now); we learn to relax in the face of these lower energies and stay open!!

Spirituality is all about getting rid of the stuff inside you. It is about can you handle reality. ...It is about letting go of ego self...that which you built around your real self...("the masquerading self"' as it is termed by  Yogananda).

We tend to build a 'me' out of our past experiences, don't we? 

The thing is there really is no "bad" experience or no "good" experience.  There is just all these amazing lessons that will help us to let go of this 'me' we built so the real being can shine through...so shakti is released and the love that is who we are has a chance to flow freely. 

Michael A. Singer reminds us to use everything...so called "good" or so called "bad" ...as a tool to go to God.

He also reminds us we don't need to dwell in guilt about things we  have done in the past when we were unconscious. Instead of guilt and shame, we should ask ourselves, "Would I do that again? " If we can say no, with gusto, we can rejoice in the fact that we can look back and see how much we have grown, that we can now see the so called "wrongfulness" or unskillfulness of that which we were feeling guilty about.  That unconscious, hurtful, or unwholesome thing we participated in, has led to a certain degree of growth.  Put away the guilt for celebration.

My loved one now says with gusto that they wouldn't repeat the  mistakes of the past. I believe the sincerity in that answer.

We don't need guilt and shame! If, however, you go out right now, Michael Singer says, and maliciously commit some hurtful action against another...by all means feel guilt.

The same thing with resentment.  We need to embrace the reality of what has happened in the past that has hurt us...the people, the events, the situation...see it for what it is and was: a wonderful learning tool, a catalyst for growth and change, something that took us closer to God. 

Learn to appreciate the things in life that help you to grow!

That doesn't mean we don't deal or do something about stuff that happens...it means we always deal with our selves first. We recognize what is happening as reality, noticing what is happening inside us as we do. We observe our reactive tendencies etc. We do our best then to use this situation to help us to grow which is equivalent to letting go.

"I am going through this situation, and I am intending that when I go to bed tonight there will be less 'me' inside me than there was when I got up this morning."

That is a mantra I am going to keep repeating to myself. 

At the same time, we need to have compassion for the fact that that being inside us is a mess because we made it a mess.  It wasn't the other person or that thing out there...it was us.  Whatever they are doing or saying, whatever is happening, is just happening and that happening is knocking at our closed hearts saying "Let me in". Our broken little me identities are hiding in that mess terrified of whatever is out there. They locked the door and locked our love and our ability to live fully, healthily, and with the abundant love that we are inside. We are not a mess because we are overly defective humans (all humans are defective in this way). We simply shut the doors to our heart to avoid pain. We need to have compassion for that little me that shuts the door!

When we shut the door, however, all the stuff we stored inside that is making a mess and making us 'sick' can't get out. We are weighed down by these lower energies and we cannot go higher until they are gone.  We need to accept what is happening 'out there' and keep the door open so the stuff 'in here' can be released.

If something is getting hit that is good..."I love growth"

I am constantly getting hit but I am determined to stay open. I am determined to use these so-called challenges to take me higher. I am determined to grow through this because I do love growth. I am determined to let go of this 'me' that holds me down.  

After all,   

"I took birth to go to God. My purpose is to leave this Earth with less than I came down in." 

All is well in my world.

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( ) Beyond the Barriers: Reclaiming Your Inner Esctasy. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZI-wV6ESBkM&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=7

Seeing Clearer

 

Experience is the key to learning; without it, its impossible to gain perspective. 

Sadhguru

My eye is so much better...just in case you are wondering lol. It still hurts.  I feel that yucky but familiar pressure in it and above it but it looks better.  The swelling and most of the redness is gone. I can aslo see and look up into the light. Yeah! 

My family is urging me to get it looked at before it happens again and it will happen again, that I know...but I find myself resistant.  I hear myself saying: "It is just an eye...a body part in a body that has so many other things going on in other 'more important' parts...a body that is just one part of this human being...something temporal, ever changing, on its way to perishing like all physical things do. This body is a part of an identity I have of a "me" that is probably more in the way of who I truly am than anything else. Isn't my goal to dissolve this 'me' I am using now for more important things...to serve those in need, to grow and expand beyond it? Why would I put energy that I could best put into serving into seeking help for an eye?" I do think that way but there is more to my resistance.  Isn't there always more to resistance than meets the eye? lol

 I kind of diagnosed myself...I have a good idea what it is.  

What is it crazy lady? Do I even want to know?

I have had a life long history of cold sores (Herpes Simplex 1)...bad outbreaks... and a few years ago during an out break I got some vessicles on my eye lid.  At first I was like, "Oh no...that isn't good!"  but when it cleared up so quickly  I was like no big deal.  Then it happened a couple times after that...just the eye lid during a cold sore outbreak. I was convinced that it wasn't going to be a risk factor for me. Then it happened  without cold sores on the lip.  Still just the lid.  When I started getting the pressure in the left eye, the pain, and the swollen lids with no vessicles I never thought it was connected. I did go to my optometrist once during a painful red eye episode and together we kind of concluded  it was just dry eye and my eye lids were turning in a bit. There were no vessicles on the eye lid at that time so there was no way he would make that connection with Herpes. He gave me some tips on what to do  about it and off I went.  The pressure in the eye, however,  kept coming and going and then I started getting the flashes of light to the side. Again I made no connection between the cold sores and the eye.  I  thought I had  a possible retinal detachment and off I went again to my optometrist.  It was just a vitreous detachment. Which relieved me, though I did feel a bit ashamed for being such a drama queen. 

I went home and put it out of my mind again until the pressure got worse during the next episode. I had a few more bouts of eye redness and swelling with pain in the center of my eye so I told my GP about it. He referred me to ophpthamololgy.

 There was no inflammation what so ever when I had my appointment. The retinal detachment was ruled out right away (I felt like a fool for making a fuss). But being the thorough doctor she is, she noticed some cupping and wanted to keep testing me for Glaucoma ( my brother has normal tension glaucoma). I also have cataracts.  So for the last couple of years that is what I have been seeing her for.  I continued to have these flare ups in the eye every few months and each time they seem to get a little worse.  I almost feel physically sick with them.  But I have never mentioned them to a professional again. That's on me. 

So, it just dawned on me this weekend during this big flare up. "Oh...I know what this is!!!" I had  dental work done last week which is a big trigger for this.  All the pieces of the puzzle flooded into my awareness. Well, I also now know I need to do something about it.  I am likely doing some damage with each flare up.  Anti-virals might be in my future...but first ...I have to have a doctor tell me what I already know.  That's the part I find hard.  

I hate accessing health care, as you would know if you read any of my other blogs.  It is not that these wonderful people won't help me but I have an irrational  fear they won't believe me or they will diminish my symptoms.  Sigh!

Man...how did I get on that ramble when I just wanted to say I can see? How can I use this boring story to serve the purpose of this blog? 

This blog is all about being able to look inward and ask "why am I not okay inside", right? 

Through this experience, I do see something that is not okay in me.  I see what happens in this 'me' when I have to deal with anything health related.  When I thought I might have a retinal detachment and then Glaucoma I was obsessed about my eye.   I was obsessed not so much over the process of losing my eye sight but over  trying to prove that I wasn't making too much of things, that I was worthy of the specialist's time; that what I was experiencing was real probably more so to myself than any professional. There was so much shame when I was told there was no need to worry. As I did before, I began to doubt my own experience, question these signs and symptoms. I, later, after I was assured it was not a detached retina, thought the flare ups and pain  I was getting were psychosomatic and not real ( I wrote about it). I just felt so much shame for worrying about something that wasn't even real.  When it was real. 

I hesitate to seek help for this eye even though I know I need to look after my body...because I fear I will just activate the shame cycle again. That once again I will be told ...by myself...that I made too much of it and it is nothing. 

Anyway, I would like to say all those old samskaras are gone but obviously they are not.  I have some more work to do. I am, gratefully, gaining more perspective through each experience of health related concerns I encounter. I am truly beginning to see clearer in more ways than one. 

All is well. 

In the Eye of Karma

 Remove the plank from your own eye first

Not sure what is less pretty: the look of me inside this video or the way my writing has turned out. lol

This human is having a time let me tell ya. Amongst other things to deal with, my left eye is all wonky again and everythme it gets wonky, it gets a little worse and nasty looking. I really need to do something about this to slow down these flare ups...think they might be doing a bit of damage each time. For now, though it is one eye that is affected....  both eyes are not liking the light...so  lol  Each "flare up" lasts about a week. I am so determined to do something "normal" right now despite so my blog is it...right? So I cannot see and I said I aam going to write anyway.  It will be a test to see how committed I am and how much I can do without clear eye sight lol.

Anyway...of course there all kinds of other things going on despite teh ey thing in my body and outside my body....Karma, I tell myself  am burning off karma...and now taht I am committed to waking up ...the karma is like right in my face lol.  literally...like right in front of my eye/eyes lol. 

I want to attempt to write regardless and I would like to see how what I have going on is impacting my daily life right now...like my eye it isn't going to be pretty. I am a bit sight dependent when writing

so...it ain't going to be pretty: 

Again...I go back to trying to understand two ideas on karma I have gathered from Alan Watts.  The first one is that karma is just illusion becasue of that "becasue" in teh statement...This happens becasue this happened is just a group of  words that humans developed in their mental papttern of language taht they use to makse sense of things.  We have a tendency in a mentals cshemaa to fit things into it rather tahn simply accept the random order of things.  He quoted Wittegenstien...bit Icant find those quotes. So he argues we cannot say karma is all about cause and effect because effect doesn't have to follow cause????

In the second video he is discussing the yogic, Buddhist, Vendanta's view of Karma and then eloborates on teh Gaoist.  ( Not his view but scriptual view)

This arises, this becomes ....Buddha

Once the individual stops doing tings looking for a particular outcome he will be released from karma

karma means your doing....unreal way of looking at it as a law of cause and effect ...or it could be looked at as "action".  Of course, certain things go together...this arises, this becomes...

there is a kind of necessity in nature...there is no necessity in nature for one thing to happen because someting else has happened...Wittgenstien ( couldn't find that quote)

can we lay the gjost of necessity? "Any living creature needs food?" is more like "Are you consistent with your environment?" An organism is food...constant transformation of food into the pattern of that organism...as long as it is eating it is still becoming food..."it exists"

An animal eats when it is ready to eat...and hunger is a way of perceiving this readiness to eat...

when food is no longer being transformed into teh pattern of the organism ...we say the organism is no longer there...it dies.  we say the organism dies becaus ethere is no food....the organism's death is teh cessation of food being transformed into its pattern 

not really desrbing causes ....death is one event...not having enough food...is another event...but why do we say one is the cause and one is the effect?  two different events.

How does a cause bring on an effect? 

When I let go of the stone it falls to the ground but when I say "The stone falls to teh ground because I let it go" I create illusion. When we define a stone as something taht  must fall to the ground becasue we let ot go...   we are just "defining" something using words...the "causal determinism answer"... using a mental schemata pattern to describe...not the innate things in nature.

Language is an eloborate pattern with a certain degree of regularity that attempts to sort things in teh world so they make sense to us...assimilate teh world to these patterns...converting nature into our pattern.

Things are just happening simultaneously not necessarily becasue of each other. 

Nishkama Karma

Let not your left hand kno \w what your right hand is doing...We need to start acting without premediation...getting free from karma without making any previous announcement

The Taoist gets rid of Karma without challenging it...shows the shortcut...how to do it the easy way using cleverness instead of muscle

The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences...Buddhist perspective

This is terrible, I know...I do use my eyes to type and am discovering that when teh eys are struggling to organize what they are seeing...the mind struggles to organize thoughts etc...I am almost nauseated lol with trying to do so.  Will leave it as such and come back to it when I can.

This impulse to share I suppose could be taken care of with a video...couldn't it?  Eye is not pretty but there might be a message in me taht is??? Do you think lol? lol 

All is well

Alan Watts/ Simply Art-Inspire ( January, 2024) What is Karma? Alan Watts About the Mysteries of Life. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4dm9Gsuu68&t=4s

Alan Watts/ Daily Spiritual (October, 2023)Alan Watts on Laws of Karma. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J4AA_v3HTrk

Action and Intention

 Action must be simultaneous with intention

In order to stop building up Karma quickly and effeciently action must be simultaneous with intention.  It can't be premediated because as soon as you think about it...the 'devil' will find out and man or man is all h # ll going to break out lol. 

I listened to that from Alan Watts as I meditated ...once again...over the question, "Why are so many challenging things always showing up in my life at the same time? Is this my karma?"   

Ass soon as one starts to commit to cleaning up the inside house...that is when the s*%t hits the fan. So the more things that show up for me to deal with the better?  Well, at least I am telling myself that it is a sign I am on the right path lol 

And I just have to learn to go with the flow and act without concern for outcome. Hmm!

Will think more on that one.

All is well in my world. 

Alan Watts ( )...I heard these words on spotify but when I looked up some of teh quotes I found this site that transcribed that podcast...go figure. https://forums.delphiforums.com/realmofbeing/messages?msg=32894.1

Do You Know You Are In There?

 When you are not being pulled down, there is a force pulling you up.

Michael Singer

Are you in there?

Yes.

Do you have thoughts and feelings?

Yes.

Is something "bothering" you? Are you down?

Yes.

How do you know? 

Your thoughts are something you look down at! You are not what you are looking at. You are the one looking.

If you were capable of being in there, aware of what is going on in there, you would be an enlightened being.

All is well.

Micheal A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( October, 2024) From Thoughts to Awareness/ Reclaiming Your Divine State. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLQvNB92h-A&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=4

Being Love

Once you love all of it, you disappear into being love.  Be love!  Be love! 

Ram Dass

Is our purpose in this lifetime...to "get" whatever we can from the world in order to serve  this idea of 'little me' or is it to remember who we really are...which is love...and to serve ourselves and the world by being that love?  I do think it is the latter, don't you? 

First we must, according to Ram Dass's formless friend Emmanuel, fall back in love with our Selves. Once we remember who we are ...light and love...not seperate little entities with big fat neurotic egos...we can radiate that love and light onto the world.

Hmm! Keep your mind open and have a listen.

Ram Dass ( August, 2014) Ram Dass Webcast with Jo Clarkson/ Emmanuel. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OfHRTuObTvw&t=1s

Recognizing the Formless 'I Am'

 I am without form; without limit. I am beyond space; beyond time. I am in everything. Everything is in me. Everywhere I am. I am existence Absolute, knowledge Abosulute, bliss Absolute. I am That. I am That.

I am without body or change of the body, I am neither senses, or the objects of the senses. I am existence Absolute, knowledge Absolute, bliss Absolute. I am That.  I am That. 

Swami Ram Tethra ( from: https://www.inner-quest.org/Ramatirtha_I_Am_That.htm)

I basically use this as a mantra when I hold my breath during Kriya every morning.  I say in the center of that held breath "Tat Taum Asi"...then ..."Sat Chit Ananda"...then "Tat Taum Asi" again. 

My intention during every practice is simply to expand my ability to find peace in  what is.

Ram Dass, this morning, echoed my intention and desire in the below linked podcast.  He built his talk around  this mantra "Love it as it is!" from Thaddeus Gollas, in  The Lazy Man's Guide to Enlightenment.

Allow "it is as it is"

Who would we be if we could live life in that way?

Dass tells us in order to truly live like that we need to do so from the formless state of "I am". 

Beyond the causal plane there will just be "isness" being.

We are not these forms we have come to identify as.  We are not bodies or personalities. We are simply using these things for a period of so called time. We are not individuals, nor are we the many.  We are not a "me", nor are we an "us". We are simply part of the one "I am".

I seek to find peace in the isness of Life but as long as I identify as a body and personality, as form, I will not truly be able to do that. 

It is only from the place of "I am" that you and I can be here like it is.  It is only from the place of "I am" that you and I can look at Life and death and pain and suffering and see it all as the unfolding of law...the laws of form...because 'I am' has no form.  Who you are has no form

Your container is a lawful container including your thinking mind.  Everything you think is lawful but everything that you are is beyond law.

There is one "I am."

All is well. 

Ram Dass/ Be Here Now ( April 29, 2024) Ram Dass on Accepting Life As It Is- Here and Now Podcast. Ep 250. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fTdyVPM_ti4&t=1805s

Steps to Transforming the Lower Self

I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.

Einstein

How do we  handle those lower self energies we tend to push away like anxiety, tension, and insecurity?

1. Pay attention to what is bringing you down and closing your heart. See how you are letting the lower part of your life runn the show...how you are feeding this energy. 

2, Recognize the energy you have expended over the years running from it, hiding it, resisting it, struggling against it only to make it stronger.  

3. Commit instead to work at the root.

4.Intend to work directly with this lower energy, this lower self."I am willing to feel with this."

5. "My intent is that I will do work on this thing that keeps closing my heart,  so I stay open and allowing no matter what happens."

6. Recognize that you cannot ask anxiety or any of these lower energy emotional expereinces to relax.  That is not in their nature.  They are just doing what they do.  It is not anxiety that needs to relax.  It is you that needs to relax.

7. You...not it...relax. Relax around the edges.  This nature energy may be taking over your core...so relax around it...hands, shoulders, jaw, feet, arms, legs etc

8. Learn to be comfortable with the uncomfortable.

9. Breathe. "Put a nsotril on your heart and breathe into and out of it."

10. Next, allow yourself to feel what is there. "This is my opportunity for dealing with this lower part of my being that keeps holding me down."

11. Then be kind and compassionate with this lower energy. See it as a suffering entity that was created by your own unconscious need to protect self. Treat the lower self with compassion and understanding...befriend it ...change your attitude about that part of yourself you are most uncomfortable with. See it as something that needs your support. Think of helping it to get better. 

12. Say: "Its okay.  I will take care of you," to the part inside that is freaking out. Reach down and get underneath all that mess and lift it up...bring it higher...bring it to God ...offer it as a gift. 

13. Stop closing and running away from the uncomfortable. Know...you can handle it. 

14. Realize spirituality  is never about running to God or staying open.  It is simply about choosing not to leave God or to close.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( September, 2024) Transforming the Lower Self Into Spiritual Liberation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f7EMrI7hvI&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=7

The Practice of Handling Reality

What lies before us and what lies behind us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

I woke up thinking about reality.  I was thinking of "this human's" ability to handle it at times, and its inability to handle it at others.  I see now when  this wonderful expanded consciousness within this body and mind is pulled down to lower energy things and when it is focusing up and away from the lower energy.  Two totally different experiences. 

In the first scenario, Life seems to be pollutted with problems and negative things. Consciousness is pulled down and identifies with what it is watching. I see myself as the problematic self then  and I feel afraid, insecure, depressed.   I feel  down. I resist reality.   In the second scenario,  I see nothing but the beauty of this Life experience, allowing and honoring all of it. There is no good or bad...just Life with all its contrasting colours. This human feels "up" or at least not so identified with lower energy, with what is going on. "I am", at those times,  moving towards a higher experience.

 

Which do you think is the most life affirming way to live Life? Being stuck with face down in the mud or standing on a mountain summit with face turned up towards the sun?    I much prefer it when I am not distracted by lower energy. I much prefer it when I am allowing reality to be as it is, when I am accepting and appreciative of all of it. I much prefer the higher energy.

So why do I still get pulled down into the lower energies when Life hands me these multiple things to handle all at once?  Why do I resist and say things to myself like, "This isn't fair. I don't know what to do here to make this better.  I wish thisng were different.?"This amazing consciousness of "I am" still gets pulled down into lower energy things. It still reacts in an unwholesome way to Life. 

I know what I want and need.  I want to learn to accept reality. To allow and appreciate all of it.  I am so tired of building my life around catering to the lower energy vibrations. I want to keep my focus up.  That is why I practice yoga. It is obvious, then, that this practice I have committed myself to is a life-long learning journey. Hmm!

This is what I heard today related to this thought topic from listening to Michael A. Singer

•  God is everything...and everything is everything
• Lower vibrations are just slower vibrations
• All of Creation is God...from the unmanifest (higher vibration) to the grossest manifetsed...(lower vibration)
• It is easy for the lower vibration to bring the higher vibration down...draws consciousness down
• Depression is a very, very low vibration of energy that a person identifies with
• Depression is a down slope we might experience...it is not who you are.
• Spirituality is not about getting rid of the low vibrations. They too are a part of God. The goal is simply to just observe and participate to some degree in these energy flows before letting them pass through
• "I dont wan't to be distracted by this....I do not want to devote my life to the lowest vibration rates inside me, any longer."
• Most of us are devoting life to distracting self from self...
• Consciousness is distracted by the lowest thing going on...because it is often the noisiest.
• Resisting is the yogic term for suppression.
• The answer to Life's so called problems is not in getting what you want so the garbage inside doesn't get disturbed. The answer is getting rid of the garbage. 
• You do not need to manipulate life.
• The life of spirituality is never about getting what you want and avoiding what you dont want. It is about allowing Life to be Life...reality to be as it is without resistance. 
• What are you doing with your mind?  You are allowing the lowest vibration rates to distract your consciousness. 
• You are resisting reality.
• Reality cannot be wrong because it is reality
• "I want to learn to handle reality!" Is the mantra of the yogi: person wanting to go deeper. 
• Your job is to honor and respect that things will unfold in front of you...if you can't handle it, then that thing  is for your growth.
• You are welcome to change the level of how you interact with things. 
• RAISE SELF
• Instead of beating up self when it pulls Self down, take self by the hand outside to explore the galaxy.
• When you see yourself condemning self...when you see yourself frightened or afraid...reach down and hug that self ..support that self , be self's mother...(Self -compassion is as important to yoga as it is to psychology).
• Observe yourself when you fear failure. Ask, "What is failure?"  Failure is the inability to handle reality....success is the ability to handle reality.
• Participate in Life fully without concern for outcome. The result is not what matters...what matters is doing the best that you can and honoring what comes back when you do.
• Yoga is a practice of handling reality...

There is so much energy flowing inside of you, you couldn't handle it until you learned to...That is what happens when you stop being drawn down to negative energies. You are a great being.

All is well.

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe ( September, 2024) Overcoming Lower Vibrations and Embracing Spiritual Freedoms. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMF1ZajBIx0&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=8

Testifying to Time's Relentless Melt

 To take a photograph is to participate in another person's mortality, vulnerability, mutability. Precisely by slicing out this moment and freezing it, all photographs tesitfy to time's relentless melt. 

Susan Sontag

All is well!

Not a Problem

The organism is part of its environment...afterall is an object,a process in nature, in the cosmos just as much as anything in its environment.There really is no way of seperating the two. Instead of speaking in this terminology of doers and done to's, attackers and victims...we simplify things considerably just by confining ourselves to a description of what is happening, and as we do this we get a peculiarly clarified perception of the world without all sorts of ghosts. And it is in this way that we also begin to be able to have some preliminary intuition or sensation of the meaning of the fact that life is not a problem. In other words, not a contest between ourselves and our environments. 

Alan Watts

Hmm! I woke up at four (still on Eastern European time) with a perception of "problems".  Since I have been back from my amazing trip I have had a download of life problems unfolding in front of me. Some of the things were so sad ( involving illness, addiction, depression, death, and loss) and others just frustrating  (like a lengthening to- do list beyond what I feel capable of handling, the loss of luggage, money issues,  and an apparent diagnosis of osteoporosis).  Regardless, there were what appeared to be "many" so called problems to deal with, to solve, to accept.  My little human brain and body felt the pressure of it all. So I lay there at four feeling my usual body symptoms and on top of that the heaviness of this concept of "problem". 

So I meditated and then got up to listen to Alan Watts. I heard him speak this truth...that I am not a reactive human organism on this planet experiencing problems. I am simply just a part of what is happening in nature, and in Life.  Sigh!

I am not a problem ridden human. Life is not a problem.

All is well!

Alan Watts/T&H () Alan Watts for When You Think Too Much/Life is Not a Problem. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LI_Tv-VfP88&t=656s

Beyond Disappointment

 Just to be is a blessing. Just to live is holy.

Abraham Joshua Heschel

Well there will be no RAW shots. When I had set my camera on jpeg compression I didn't select the "and RAW" choice...so the camera thought it just had to shoot in jpeg.  That is very disappointing but I guess it is what it is.  I will work with what is and do my best not to cling to what could have been. 

Another disappointing thing is that they lost our luggage on the way home. In that luggage I had some dress clothes, my favorite jean jacket ( preference...I know) , shoes, sweaters, jeans, all my sandals and sun dresses, as well as my fitbit watch that I was quite dependent on to get around with. It has been days with no word. Sigh! 

Anyway two disappointing things out of a host of many positive things is not too bad is it? 

All is well in my world. 

Moving Along Like Water

 In reality there are no seperate events. Life moves along like water, it's all connected to the source , like the river is connected to the mouth of the ocean. 

Alan Watts

Falling Freely

 Mana eva manusyanam karanam bandha moksayoh

As the mind, so the person; bondage or liberation are in your own mind.

Sanskrit saying found in Satchinanda's translation of the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, page 5.

Or as Michael Singer would say:

If you stare at your mind, your mind becomes a prison.

Michael Singer

Most of us are staring at our minds. We are so focused on the noisy mind as it reacts to everything that unfolds in front of us, clinging and struggling, that it imprisons us.  It imprisons the consciousness that we are by pulling us into its never ending dramas, its preferences, its dislikes. When all of our attention goes there it limits  what we observe and expereince. It traps us.

Alan Watts once gave  the analogy of our journey through life as being like this:  When we are born we are pushed off a precipice and we fall to our deaths.  At the same time a large boulder is also pushed off. We spend our life falling as the  boulder falls with us. Instead of enjoying this amazing ride we spend our time terrified and worried. We cling to the boulder with all our might which increases tension and struggle...yet we are so afraid to let go.  We don't realize that letting go will make the inevitable  journey downward pleasant and relaxed, peaceful, and fun. Our struggle is not in the falling but in the clinging to this boulder. The boulder could be the mind or the mental modifications as Patanjali referred to them.

The thing is...with this clinging and preferring, stuffing and storing we tend to do...we create samskaras that lead to a further need to cling and prefer, to stuff and to store. This becomes so distracting and our consciousness gets pulled in to this drama and eventually trapped by it. Each samskara, Singer says, is like a bar in our prison cell.

The thing is it doesn't have to be that way.  We cannot change the fact that we are all falling to our physical deaths in this very temporal world. We cannot change the reality of the things that happened. The world will, afterall, unfold the way it unfolds. This is Life's reality, and has little to do with what this falling little me wants. The mind we cling to with its likes and dislikes, its fears and expectations becomes a prison when we focus like this. If we were, however, to use the mind to contemplate something bigger than us and our puny little fall...than it can actually liberate us. If we use the mind to focus on and explore consciousness rather than the boulder, we can be free.

Spending our time falling emptying and purifying the mind and then using it for higher purposes us can certainly set us free. 

The purified mind is no different than the Self.

RamaKrishna

All is well.

Allan Watts: not sure where or when I heard this

Michael A. Singer/ Sounds True/ Temple of the Universe (October, 2024) The Mind: Prison or Liberator. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpU1N80-35w&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Swami Satchidananda (2012) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Integral Yoga Publications.