Michael Singer reminds us in the below linked podcast, that the entire purpose of our birth is to go back up with less than what we came down with.
What the Fork, crazy lady?
We are here in bodily form in this carnation that we call "my life" to purify Self of samskaras? We go through what we need to go through in order to grow. Growth is all about cleaning out and learning to allow Life to blow through without resistance. If we are full of stuffed and stored junk, Life gets all snagged up in it as it passes through. We will then resist, react, run from, avoid, distract by seeking outward, cling and create even more junk inside for Life to get all caught up in. We do not grow! We become heavy with "worldly things". We go back up with more than what we came down with. This life...this incarnation becomes a wasted round.
It is a wasted round to go back up with more...
Earth is a school where souls come to evolve. Just as students in a classroom are not expected to be perfect during the learning process, we are not expected to be perfect during the living process. It is a given that we will make mistakes, hand in messy work, fall behind and fail even. We may get to the end of our school life without getting what we were here to get. And that is okay. We just come back andpick up where you left off. As long as we go back up with a little less junk than we came down with...we have grown.
You lose nothing of what you gained in your disciplined life
"I am not here to be perfect or not have trouble...I am here to learn."
So, in this school of "hard knocks" we are going to go through many challenges etc. Sometimes it will seem like we are being punished by Life...like the Universal Teacher is picking on us and making it hard for us to learn. The human we are in may convince itself and others that it had such a "hard life" for random reasons...but that is not the case.
Your past is the definition of what you needed to go through!
Everything you go through is not "personal" but at the same time it is there for your learning.
You go through what God puts you through...
Each circumstance, each challenge, each so called "hardship" is there to test you in some way.
Not about what happened ....it is about how you handle what happened
Your intent is to let go and release samskaras...your purpose is to do your best to relax into what is.
As we open to each challenge, accepting what Life gives us , seeing it as there for our learning...we will learn with each challenge, we will get better in our attempt to relax despite the tendency we have to protect ourself. We will eventually resist less and accept more. We will start offering the samskaras up to Life circumstance...and utter things to the Universal Teacher like "Bring it on...and take this from me. too". We will advance in this school when we do this.
Every single situation is an opportunity to let go of yourself.
Whatever comes, good or bad, all will be turned to good if you see good and refuse to acknowledge the power of evil or trouble.
Yogananda
Huh?
Keep looking to God...which I see as the "Light of the Universe" when things seem dark and heavy. Look up...look to the light.
Look up away from the body, the "little me", the psyche, the thinking, the emotions, the problematic life situations...that you believe is you- and look up to who you really are!
God, goodness, light is always there even when it is difficult to see. Just make it your mission to keep looking for It...Look for the Light!
According to Murali Venkrato in the link below, reaching for the light is a "non-specific intervention". The spiritual path is always about turning away from the pull of the senses and outer world distraction, back to the Light of God.
Yogis will tell you that darkness and heaviness may be coiled like a snake around the base of the spine. If you so wish, use Kriya yoga to raise that energy so it travels up the sushumna to the highest chakras. If the ancient practice of kriya yoga seems like woo-woo to you, do what you can to lift this energy up. It is about lifting energy up. Be like a plant with its helitropic tendencies...keep moving twowards the light.
The light is always there ready to shine through any canopy, veil, or blockage we put in its way. Keep looking for it. Make seeking this Light, your main goal in life.
There is always a way to open the door you closed to Light. And once that door is open ("awakening"), there is no closing it again. Seek the light!
And we know for those who love God, all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.
He whom the sages have been seeking in all these [external] places is in our own hearts; the voice that you heard was right, says the Vedanta, but the direction you gave to the voice was wrong. That ideal of freedom you perceived was correct but you projected it outside yourself, and that was your mistake. Bring it nearer and nearer, until you find that it was all the time within you, it was the Self of your own self. This freedom was your own nature and this maya never bound you.
Time, the avenger of everything, comes, and nothing is left. He swallows up the saint and the sinner, the king and the peasant, the beautiful and the ugly; he leaves nothing.
Vivekananda
Can I tell you a story about the illusion of time? I am telling you anyway lol.
The Power of Maya
Once a long, long time ago there lived a divine sage called Narada. Narada had a deep and questioning mind and wanted to know more about Maya...or the illusion of what appears to be so real. One day he approached Lord Krishna and asked, "Oh Wise and Divine Being of the Light, could you show me Maya?"
A few days passed before Lord Krishna asked Narada to make a trip with him into the dessert. They walked and walked over the dry and parched land for what seemed like days. Lord Krishna, at one point, turned to his student and said, "Narada, I am thirsty; can you travel into the nearest village to fetch some water for me please?"
Narada, a loyal devotee to this Master said, "Of course my Lord, I will go at once to fetch you water?"
Fetching his master water was the only thing on his mind for the first few miles he walked towards the village...Then slowly his mind began to wander onto thoughts about his own thirst, on how hot the sun was, and how long and challenging this course was. Still he perservered. "I must get my master water as soon as I can."
Day fell into night and night fell into day until finally he reached the village boundary.
He approached the door of the first house he came to. Blistered and exhausted from the trek and overcome by his own need for water he knocked at the door. "I must get water for Lord Krishna," he kept reminding himself of his mission, "and also for myself. I will drink first and then I will bring the water back to Him straight away."
A young and beautiful girl answered the door leaving the young Narada suddenly forgetful of why he was there. Her presence took his breath away and all other thoughts of his very thirsty master, who might be at this point ready to perish on the desert floor, escaped his mind.
"Yes?" the young woman questioned.
Narada could say nothing except for "uhmm, uhmm."
Suddenly a look of concern crossed her face."Oh my, you look like you have travelled for miles in the heat and sun. You must deperately need water and a cool place to sit. Come in."
She gestured for him to come inside.
And Narada did go in. He drank the water she offered and he sat in the cool place she provided for him. And they talked and they laughed and time went on. Day turned to night, and night to day, and day back to night, and night back in to day many times. Narada fell deeply in love with the young woman...totally forgeting the Master who took him into the dessert weeks before to show him Maya and who by this time must have succumbed to thirst.
Narada soon met and received blessings for marriage from the young woman's father. He married her and had children with her. He worked with the father tending his field and minding his cows as the days and nights turned into weeks, and the weeks, into months and the months into years. When his father -in-law died, he took over the work and the house as his own. He continued to be blessed with children and had four healthy offspring as beautiful as his wife, and as happy and blessed as he. He never once thought of his Master and the request for water again.
Then on the twelfth year after he left the dessert, a massive flood hit the village. It swept through the village roads and lifted the houses, threatening to carry all things away in the rush of the stream. Narada knew he had to escape. He grabbed his wife who was holding a baby in one hand, two of his children in another, and placed a third child on his shoulders. He tried to walk through the tremendous torrent of water. After a few steps he found the current too strong. He stopped and the child on his shoulders fell over into the rushing waters and was carried away. Narada released a deep moaning cry of despair as he fruitlessly reached out to save that child. While doing so he lost the grip on two of the other children and they pulled away into the force. "Oh no!' he wailed. He grasped and held tightly to his wife but the current pulled her away too. She, and the baby, too were swallowed up by the water, never to be saved.
Suddenly Narada himself was caught by a wave and thrown onto the river's bank. Choking, weeping, and wailing in bitter lamentation he cried into the air. "All that I gained, all that I learned to love, all that I clung to over the last 12 years is gone! I have lost such a big portion of my life! How can I go on?"
Then he put his face into the earth and cried. He cried and cried allowing his tears to soak the river bank.
Behind him there came a gentle familiar voice , "My child, where is the water? You went to fetch water for me thirty minutes ago and I am still waiting."
Narada lifted his head and turned to see the kind patient face of his Master looking down at him, "Thirty minutes ?" he croaked disbelieving. "Too many nights, too many days, too many scenes, too many things have passed my Lord, to happen within thirty minutes! I just lived through 12 years of tremendous joy and tremendous sorrow! "
To which Lord Krishna just lifted his shoulders and asked, "Did you?"
With a gentle tap on the forehead from his Master, Narada suddenly 'woke up' and realized he was once again in the desert waking up from a dream.
"And this is Maya." Lord Krishna laughed. "And this is Maya."
Time, space, and causation are like the glass through which the Absolute is seen, and when it is seen on the lower side, It appears as the universe. ...In the Absolute there is neither time, space, or causation. The idea of time cannot be there, seeing there is no mind, no thought. The idea of space cannot be there, seeing there is no external change. What you call motion and causation cannot exist where there is only One....
What we call causation begins after, if we may be permitted to say so, the degeneration of the Absolute into the phenomenal, and not before; that our will, our desire and all these things always come after that.
Vivekananda (2.5 Jnana Yoga; Complete Works of Swami Vivekananda, Kindle Edition)
Cause comes after Effect and not before?
Now that is something to think about. We think our will causes things to happen...move...but here we are being told that will is not the cause of things happening. According to the ancient Advaita, phenomena is already in motion when we desire something or will it to be so?
Like moths hurling themselves against the flame, we are hurling ourselves again and again into sense-pleasures, hoping to find satisfaction there. We return again and again with freshened energy;thus we go on, till crippled and cheated we die. And this is Maya.
In the desire to solve the mysteries of the universe, we cannot stop our questioning, we feel we must know and cannot believe that no knowledge is to be gained. A few steps, and there arises the wall of beginningless and endless time which we cannot surmount. A few steps, and there appears a wall of boundless space which cannot be surmounted, and the whole is irrevocably bound in by the walls of cause and effect. We cannot go beyond them. Yet, we struggle, and still have to struggle. And this is Maya.
With every breath, with every pulsation of the heart, with every one of our movements, we think we are free, and the very same moment we are shown that we are not. Bound slaves, nature's bond-slaves, in body, in mind, in all our thoughts, in all our feelings. And this is maya.
Vivekananda (2.5 Jnana-Yoga; Complete works of Swami Vivekananda, Kindle Edition)
When things feel slow or stagnant, when prayers seem unanswered...when doors remain closed, it is not always a sign that something is wrong...sometimes it is the evidence that something sacred is taking place in the unseen.
Alan Watts
I often feel stuck, like I am being punished by life because what I dream of doesn't show up in my day to day reality....that nothing "positive" seems to be happening...that I am not moving forward into a "better life". I am not a big "dreamer" anymore. I no longer spend my days fantasizing and focusing on something up there in the future to happen for this human I call "me" that will satisfy it or make it feel fulfilled...but...still...I find myself wondering at times, "Why isn't more positive stuff happening for this "me"? Why is it so hard? Why can I not seem to move forward into a better life?"
I think of my writing. I have written so much over so many years. I have so much to share and I have shared so much but where are the fruits of my labour? ( I am not even sure what these fruits are supposed to be anymore...I have become so detached from outcome). There is definitely a very long delay in me receiving much for it, other than intrinsic validation for doing what I love and feel compelled to do...which is enough. Yet, when I struggle finacially I wonder sometimes what Life would be like if this human got paid for what I do. If there was some external validation or reward. I know I will write regardless but that thought sometimes will enter.
Well, I listened to this video I was somehow drawn to and it alleviated a lot of these crazy notions. Have a listen. I simply captured the teachings that resonated with me the most.
There is a beauty in divine delay that we often miss because we are too focused on the destination. The delay gives you depth. It sharpens your discernment. It reveals your motives. It teaches you to appreciate what cannot be rushed and in that space between asking and receiving something transformative happens. You become more than a person with a dream. You become capable of becoming someone stewarding that dream with wisdom, grace and strength.
You didn't lose the opportunity. You were spared the burden. You didn't miss your moment. It simply wasn't the right one yet.
If you can see the delay as a cacoon, rather than a coffin you will emerge, not only with what you prayed for but with a spirit refined enough to carry it well.
It doesn't promise we will safe. It promises that we will be guided...
You are not waiting for the life. Life is waiting for you....that is the great paradox
Divine timing is not about reward. It's about readiness...it is about who you are becoming in the process of waiting...delay does not mean denial it often means development. Life is not witholding from you...it is preparing you. ...
I realized as I listened to this wisdom...that I was never ready as a human ego to receive external reward for what I write. The reward or recognition I once dreamed of would have harmed me, more than helped me. It would be like someone taking the butterfly out of the cacoon too soon, before its wings were developed enough to fly. I am still percolating in here, developing, preparing to accept what the universe has in store for this human being...and I have no idea what that is. I am developing the wisdom, grace, and strength to accept what Life wants me to carry. My little reactive ego loaded with samskara would have destroyed what writing gives me...if these so-called dreams of "literary success" came true too soon. My whole definition of "literary success" is changing as I change.
As I sit in this cacoon, this delay in divine timing, I know I am not yet ready for whatever that success might be. I am still shedding my caterpillar tendencies ( my ego, my "me-ness") so the butterfly can emerge full and whole enough to fly. That butterfly, is the higher Self, I am morphing into it. That might be the only reward I need.
I am thinking of and repeating this mantra of faith: I release what I cannot control and I trust what I cannot see...[Knowing that]Life is not something to be controlled but something to be danced with...[I give up control and I dance with Life, letting it lead me across the dance floor]
If you want a tree to grow it won't help to water the leaves. You have to water the roots.
Thich Nhat Hanh.
To that I add, if you want to remove a weed (a so-called problem) you have to get to the root and remove that. If you pull the surface leaves away, the weed can still grow; the garden has not been cleaned up; and we just have a temporary and shallow 'appearance' of a tidy garden. The problem, however, has not been solved.
When we find external bandaid solutions to our so called problems or experience of suffering by finding something "out there" to cling to...or by pushing away something out there that we feel might disturb us...we are not solving anything. This is not the solution. It will actually lead to more suffering. We need to get to the root and the root is desiring things to be a way other than what they are.
Desire is the root of all suffering
The Buddha
Singer tells us that waking up means that you recognize that the problem is inside.
A person who thinks the problem is outside of them is not a spiritual person; a person who recognizes that all problems are inside is a spiritual person.
The thing is, just as the weed doesn't go away because we no longer can see it when we cut off the leaves, problems do not go away when we stuff them down and away from conscious awareness as we do with our clinging and averting.
Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.
Sigmund Frued
This process of pushing down and away so emotions remain unexpressed, we know, is not only unhealthy, it keeps us stuck in suffering patterns. We hear the word suppression a lot in both psychology and yogic terminology.
Frued was really the definer of repression, more so than suppression. Frued defined repression (the defense mechaninism that leads to samskara formation and that which he focused on in his research) as "turning something away and keeping it a distance from the conscious".
Later in the field of psychoanalysis, repression was considered an unconscious and automatic act while suppression was defined as "the conscious effort to avoid or block distressing thoughts, feelings and impulses from conscious awareness." It was the deliberate pulling away of unpleasant leaves from the mental garden so they are not seen.
That is why yogis may focus more on avoiding the act of suppression, seeing that we have conscious control over that process. Healing and living is all about getting to the root.
What is the root of your action, chronic thought pattern, or emotional response?
A samskara: a stuffed and stored emotional energy that is not dealt with is at the root of suffering. Samskara is what activates the desire for superficial relief through gaining or pushing away something from the external world. This is what the Buddha meant by "desire".
Healing, then, is not an external endeavour. Seeking and clinging to outside events to make us feel better is not the answer. It offers only a very conditional, temporary, and superficial solution to the weed problem. We need to get to the root!
The first stage of waking up is noticing that it is a mess in there, [and then we begin]looking for a way to be better in there.
We become inspired to work on ourselves at the root. We begin going deeper to pull out our weeds at the root. This equates to the purification process. Of course, we do not aggressively reach down and pull out everything we suppressed or repressed over the years. We allow Life to tug and pull at those hidden emotional energies a bit and we allow which we suppressed to come up onto the surface of our awareness when it is ready. We experience and deal with samskaras and then we allow the wind to blow them away. We actually have to do little gardening, little weeding. Life will do most of it. We just need to allow Life to do what it does and to feel and experience what it exposes. Allowing Life to do what it does, is the opposite of desire.
Once we remove what is in the way, other Life affirming things can grow. We begin to allow shakti to grow and flow within us...like an amazing tree that expands toward the heavens. And just as we removed the problem at the root we nurture this natural, healing solution to all so called problems at the root. We trace the mighty trunk of this tree back to its Source.
All is well.
Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( September 11, 2025) The Mind Isn't the Problem-It's That You Are Listening To It. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WH6JoZJmm38
I left the woods for as good a reason as I went there. Perhaps it is because I lived there long enough.
Henry David Thoreau
I do not know how much time I have left on this planet and am being pulled to do what I feel I am here to do. I am not even sure what that is lol. What I do know, it isn't what I am doing now, drowning in the drama others are creating and feeding, in toxicity, in stuckness. It is time to make a move.
As much as I love this yard with its magnificent trees, its wildlife, its peaceful arms that I just long to be in...as much as I love the woods so close to this house that have comforted me, healed me, and inspired me as I walked along its many trails over the 28 years I lived in this neighborhood...as much as I love this writing corner on my dining room table with the light pouring through the windows all around me...I know I need to remove this physical body from this space so I, and most importantly, others can heal and grow.
How I clung to this space with white knuckles and fear over the last 16 years I lived here in this house. So many times I felt the threat of losing it and so many times I clung against all odds. At the same time, I never loved or cared enough for the house itself. Besides the yard and this one spot...the house was always more of a chore and a responsibility that I failed in keeping up than a "home" for my soul to settle in. Still, I clung...for others sake...thinking I needed to provide and protect others when all I was really doing was holding them back from facing the challenges necessary to take them farther on their own journeys. I somehow created a place of stuckness instead of a home. Sigh!
So, I made a decision to let go, to offer up these walls to someone I love and their family. They, I hope, will make it into the home it was meant to be. I am not selling, per say, I am creating an opportunity for another who is struggling while at the same time removing myself as an obstacle in the way of others' growth. That makes more sense to me. I am not seeking material gain from this transaction...I am seeking something far greater - peace and relief.
My most important priority in life is my practice of finding peace, love, and truth. That, I believe, is the greates thing I can do for everyone. For some reason, I cannot practice fully here inside these walls. I cannot seem to grow or expand in this mission.
I believe this decision is a soul inspired one...not an egoic escape. I believe I am being pulled because it will be in the highest good of all involved to leave these familiar woods. (Some of the others might not recognize that yet but I do).
Life's currents are shaping you. Sometimes gently, sometimes with force...always with purpose.
Alan Watts
I have been thinking about how to fill this gap left by the loss of the little job, the loss of this EAL focus possibly, the loss of acivity with something else. I was trying to fill in the suddenly empty room with furniture; the space with substance; trying to fill in the silence with noise, the inactivity with activity. I was asking about what changes do I need to make in this Life for the better of all. I was pondering this as well as the idea that maybe there is some prior agreed upon plan to our existence that we just cannot understand with our limited human minds. Maybe everything is happening for a reason.
Then I happened upon this from Alan Watts. So much wisdom in 30 minutes of speaking. Sigh! I copied what I felt resonated with me during these contemplations with some degree of expectation that they may also resonate with you.
The right people cannot arrive if you are endlessly entertaining the wrong ones; the right opportunities cannot appear if your hands are full of things you secretly wish to let go of.
The unfolding is not random, it is intimate, precise, and purposeful.
You are not late, you are not missing out.
The right people are already on their way carrying with them conversations, laughter, and connection that will change your life. The right opportunities are already moving toward you, quietly aligning themselves with your path, waiting for the moment you are ready to meet them...destined to cross paths with you at the moment both your courses align...the chasing does not hasten the meeting it often delays it.
Alignment flows from trust and presence...deeper intelligence at work...that works beyond the calculations of your conscious mind
Trust allows you to rest in the knowing that movement is happening even when your senses cannot yet detect it.
The problem comes when the mind, impatient and unwilling to wait, forces us into situations that do not resonate...that is how we end up surrounded by the wrong people, those who cannot truly see us, or stuck in opportunities that feel heavy rather than alive. The irony is that we do this because we fear nothing better is coming...but by clinging to the wrong we close the door to the right.
Trusting the natural flow is an act of release. It is choosing not to hold on to what does not feel right even when letting go creates temporary emptiness.
The silence is space for alignment.
Trusting the flow= participating with awareness, taking inspired steps...you show up to life...you explore...you learn...you create...but you release the belief that you must control the outcome...you let your actions be expressions of who you are, not frantic attempts to manipulate the time line.
Certain doors close without much noise.
Wisdom in emptiness....the absence you feel is not a loss without purpose but a space being carved for the right thing to enter...(don't rush to fill in that space) to trust stillness is to resist that impulse.
Clinging to the wrong, closes the door to what is right
Life speaks in subtle ways...an inner nudge, a quiet curiosity, a recurring thought you cannot shake. These signals often get lost in the noise of endless activity but in stillness they rise to the surface. You begin to notice what you truly miss and what you do not. You see which relationships you yearn for and which ones you only maintained out of habit. You recognize the kind of opportunities that excite you and the kind that merely keep you busy. This clarity is part of the preparation. It ensures that when the right people and opportunities arrive you will recognize them instantly...not becasue they are the loudest or most glamorous but becasue they resonante with the truth of who you are. And here is the paradox: the right people and opportunities are not only looking for you but they too require preparation.
The timing is not just about you...it is about the weaving together of countless other lives and moments all aligning to create the perfect point of connection.
...to care for yourself in ways you never did when you were always rushing and this self tending changes your energy.
There is a quiet kind of courage to letting go of what is not meant for you
There is a deeper wisdom in knowing when to release your grip...when to stop pouring yourself into something that drains you rather than nourishes you.
The right people and opportunities cannot arrive when your arms are wrapped tightly around what is misaligned.
To cling to the wrong is to signal to Life that you do not trust it to bring you something better.
The right opportunities will not demand that you shrink to fit them.
Staying in what drains you is not loyality...it is fear disguised as committment.
You are not being denied...you are being shaped...every experience you pass through, every challenge you endure, every quiet moment of uncertainty is chiseling away what does not belong, refining you into the version of yourself you will be able to receive, hold, and grow with what is meant for you.
There are skills you are still learning, wounds you are still healing, perspectives you are still gaining. All of which will make you a better match for what is ahead....This refining is not punishment, it is alignment
Life is always preparing you, even in moments that seem empty or aimless...
Every day that you live you are being given pieces of yourself that you will need later - strength you didn't know you had, wisdom you didn't know you were gaining, and a deeper connection to what truly matters.
When the moment finally comes it will feel like it could not have been any other way...you will see how the timing was perfect, how the lessons you learned were exactly what you needed; how the struggles you endured gave you the depth to appreciate what is in front of you and you will understand that the delay was never a denial. It was a gift, a gift that ensured you would not only meet the right people and embrace the right opportunities but that you would be ready to keep them, nurture them, and grow along side them for as long as they are meant to be in your life.
What is meant for you cannot pass you by. The things that truly belong to you, whether they are people, opportunities, or experiences are woven into the fabric of your life in such a way that they will arrive at the exact moment they are supposed to. Not a second sooner. Not a second later. The arrival happens in its own perfect moment and no amount of worry, force, or impatience will make it come faster.
Fear clouds your ability to see and to feel what is already unfolding for you.
I am beginning to see that everything is unfolding beautifully in "my" life. I am not being punished by challenges. I am being carved and molded into the being I wish to be. I see how I am growing...how easy it is to lose and let go of things when I am not attached to outcome...like that little job I had, like the tooth...
There are other things I am loosening my grip on too and I am welcoming the sacred space that is opening up for me as I do.
Life is a succession of lessons that must be lived to be understood.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Saying goodbye to a tooth later on today. I have mixed feelings. I am so appreciative of finally getting to the end of this "strange tale of truth and tooth", and for the dentist helping me out. I will be so glad to have the infection out of my mouth at last so there are no more antibiotics in my future...at least for a while. (I tend to get a pneumonia in late fall, early winter...sigh). My gut is thankful lol. I am also apprehensive. I am vain enough to worry about how a missing tooth will impact my smile...one physical attribute that I appreciate in this body. This smile somehow allows the light in me that isn't all snagged up in "my stuff" to free flow and shine through. Will I be able to get past my ego to smile anyway? Regardless, just another lesson from the universe I suppose.
Hey, universe...are you this hard on all the other students in the class?
Yeah...that crossed my mind: this idea that the Universe was picking on me. My energy is down...life circumstances seem heavy and weighing down on this human I call "me". I just found out that I will not be returning to the little job I invested so much in over the last two years. It might even be an end to my aspirations to go further helping with EAL. What I created and offered, I guess, are not needed. Which I knew would be a possibility. Copies of the book I wrote on a "grand impulse" and told myself from the beginning that I would not be attached to whatever outcome came from it, are just there collecting dust. Reality hit again when I was told I would not be needed as a tutor...Even though, I also told myself that this was just something I was doing to serve the moment "now" and that I would not expect anything more than that from it, I find myself strangely sad that it is over. I enjoyed the experience tremendously and I do believe I offered a lot. I served. That should be reward enough and I am sure I will know that fully someday.
I am grateful for those experiences. But now that the "hope" that once added a little light in my life is gone I feel a little heavy. This thought I had at the beginning of this adventure, carried in a balloon of my own making: "Maybe the EAL will provide an external purpose for this human I call "me" in a variety of different upcoming experiences pulling me up and away from this seemingly downward trajectory, as well as provide a worthwhile service where it is needed," has popped and is floating away. The hope( and the added income) has fizzled away into reality. I am feeling a little lost. "What do I do now?"
A mind at war against itself remembers not eternal gentleness...ACIM Chapter 23.1
Even though I am fully aware of the illusive nature of "hope"...it added something to this life of challenging circumstances. It gave me a purpose and a distraction away from all the unpleasant stuff I am constantly having to deal with. Without it, I, as the "little self", feel somewhat deflated...so I turn to greater Self and ask,
"Now what? What do you want me to do with this life now?"
That job you lost wasn't a tradegy, it was the Universe's way of rerouting you, taking you back to your higher purpose... back to God. Wayne Dyer ( Totally paraphrased)
The answers will come, I know. I know...that it is the deflation of this little self that I have been asking for and praying for. Still...for some odd reason, having this tooth removed today feels like having the teacher pick on me a little more when I am already feeling down. Vanity is another small but hard lesson to master. Sigh!
The problem is we have been taught to see Life as a series of randome events-good luck and bad luck-...things that happen to us rather than for us...We have forgotten that we are not victims of circumstance but active participants in a cosmic dance where every step, every stumble, every graceful movement is a part of a larger choreography designed to help us grow...to help us remember who we really are. Wayne Dyer
I want to believe in the curriculum even if I do not understand its design. I want to trust that Life, as the teacher, knows best...that every challenging lesson...big or small...is there to help me learn and grow. I will learn that. I will.
Man feels, consciously or unconsciously, that he is bound; he is not what he wants to be. It was taught to him at the very moment he began to look around. That very instant he learnt that he was bound, and he also found that there was something in him which wanted to fly beyond, where the body could not follow, but which was as yet chained down by this limitation.
Vivekananda
He is a Being beyond the limitation of nature, of Maya,
We are awareness, Michael Singer tells us...the Self is called the Seer.
The problem is that which we are seeing and perceiving the world through is a very cloudy and dirty lens. So what we see as the world is a cloudy and dirty version of what is. What we see, then, is Maya, illusion...rather than reality. The mind is also a semi-permeable membrane...allowing only so much in, attempting to keep so much out, depending on what this judging mind determines as pleasant or unpleasant. What we see and perceive then is a very limited and "bound" world and we see and understand our existence to be limited and bound in it.
The world has to come through your mind for you to see it...through the filter of your mind for you to perceive it.
Michael Singer
So what do we need to do to get beyond this limited version of self? We need to make sure that filter is clear. We need to clean that which is in the way of us seeing who we are.
Now and then we had a hope that if we lived and be good, God would permit us to be pirates.
Mark Twain
I love getting to know the history of any place I visit. While away on th Eastern shores of Newfoundland I became fasicinated with the history of a place formly known as Cat Harbour...or what the French in the 1700's referred rto as "Wrecking Bay". Amongst the stories of the sad end of the Island's original first nation's group-the Beothuks, the many ship wrecks that landed in the harbour and those who plundered them, the lives of ferocious, determined people who settled these dangerous shores against all odds, and the battles between the Orange and Green settlers leading to exilation of the Irish Catholics from these parts, there is a story of a pirate named Billy Murne.
Billy somehow landed on these shores in the early to mid 1800's. It is said he escaped the plank, and came to this isolated area with a cache of stolen gold. It is believed he buried his treasure somewhere along the craggy and rocky shoreline, going to his death with the secret of its whereabouts. The following is a tale that has been told amongst the peoples of Lumsden, Pound Cove, and Dead Man's Bay for centuries. I felt inspired to put it to verse.
Billy Murne's Secret
The old pirate, lifting his head, pulled his nurse close
enough to hear .
With desperate voice and weary body, he whispered in her
ear.
“Can you keep a secret, my luv?” he asked, strong liquor on his
breath,
Both knew, the land stranded Billy Murne would soon be
facing death.
With wide eyes of greed, and an excited beating in her chest
Young Helen Gray leaned over her charge and quietly
whispered “ yes. “
Across her dirty face was painted the most beautiful of
smiles
For at long last her hard work, she thought, would prove to
be worthwhile
Searching his wrinkled face and sunken eyes, she waited for
the word;
For the moment the whereabouts of his buried gold would finally
be heard
At last, with a toothless open mouth and a voice sonorous
and weak
Billy looked into her eyes and he began to speak.
"Well, Helen luv, this declaration just might make you cry."
With one last breath and a triumphant grin, Billy croaked,
"Aye, so can I?"
At last, the world is full of stories isn't it? These stories make our history (and her story). Crooks, thieves, and plunderers are a part of the history of this nation. Like Mark Twain quotes, above many of us dream of the Life of a pirate, don't we? Or at the very least, the finding of a pirate's treasure.
I'm dishonest and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest.
Well b'y, how's it cutting? Owshegettinonb'y? Let me tell ya before ya get me all drove and salty. This trip is the best kind, lovely grand. It's the proper ting for all ya to get screeched in o'r here at now da once. Nar thing better than draw-latching along the coast of this rock some day on clothes. The rugged beauty would stun ya my luv. I dies at the way people talk around these parts. What a sin ya cant hear it. Oh shag it, I will see ya when I get back. duckie. Slue!
Greetings from NL. Some of the rocks that form the coast line here date back to precambian times, meaning they could be 4.6 billion years old...if not that old they are about 550 million years old. Go figure. I am intrigued by these rocks so I have been trying to shoot them as we fly along the coast line at 80-100 km an hours...thus the poor quality of shots.
But only one thing is certain; the mighty river is rushing towards the ocean, and all the drops that constitute the stream will in time be drawn into the boundless ocean. So, in this life, with all its miseries and sorrows, its joys and smiles and tears, one thing is certain, that all things are rushing toward their goal, and it: is only a question of time when you and I, and plants and animals, and every particles of life that exists must reach the Infinite ocean of Perfection, must attain to freedom, to God.
Vivekananda
I do not know where exactly this mighty river is taking us but man it pulls hard some times, doesn't it? D. and I might wish to change our names to "Calamity Jane, and Jeopardy Jack" as we are swept along. It is absolutely uncanny: the number and intensity of "things" that we experienced together in the last ten years...crazy big things so few people in the world experience to this intensity and extent...in one decade. It's movie making stuff lol.
And it keeps pulling....
We were meant to go away today...an escape from all "this"... but Life had different plans for us. I have another infection in my mouth ...took less than a week at the end of the 6th round of antibiotics since April to manifest...and I was hestitantly going to risk ignoring it even though I knew we would not have access to health care where we were going...pretty rural. I really do not want to go on another round of antibiotics...my belly is wrecked...but I woke up this morning with the gums even more swollen again and that pain in my cheek saying, "IE, IE, IE"! Ugh!!! So, I called the dentist and I got in for an appointment today!! That's good because I feel fevered...not sure if it is the mouth or the gut leading to this feeling like crap?
As I said, I would have ignored it and taken my chances...but ironically D. woke up with what I thought was pleurisy that has been going on for the last couple of nights. I encouraged him to go off to the ER early this am. I cannot do much driving because I still do not have full ROM in my neck...still cannot look over my shoulders...so he is going to be the only driver or at least the dominant driver on this trip. I couldn't allow that if he was in pain and unwell. Crap!! So, we rearranged our bookings, fortunately, and are going to try to sneak off tomorrow! Hopefully, we are both feeling better by then. Sigh! Otherwise it will be a big loss in many ways.
So, the journey of Calamity Jane and Jeopardy Jack continues as they bob and thrash along in this river of Life with all its miseries and sorrows, its joys, smiles and tears. No doubt, we will someday reach that Infinite Ocean where we will find perfection, freedom, and God. We will then fully realize that all these so called challenges were necessary to our growth. We will be transformed into "Joyful Jane and Jubilant Jack". We will eventually see the unnecessity for the titles "Jane and Jack" and just be joyful and jubilant Life.
Any answer to the question, "Who am I?"...means you didn't get it.
Eckhart Tolle
We are supposed to get to the point where we do not know who we are...[concepts and judgements fall away and without them how do we "know" anything?]
Have the courage to not know who you are.
There is a direct knowing and there is a knowing "about". Knowing "about" is not knowing. It is simply conceptualizing.
Knowing is the "felt experience of." Gnosis means "awareness"...and some say it means the "knowledge of the spiritual mysteries". I prefer awareness to knowledge. Awareness is feeling who we are, being who we are as opposed to just knowing things about this human we call" me"; as opposed to conceptualizing who we are.
We have to go into the deeper knowing which I see as the "felt experience" of. When we ask "who am I"...we do not wait for the mind to list a bunch of fun facts about the body and personality. We do not wait for an answer. We simply fall into the question and feel whatever comes up. Hmm!
The first two sutras in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali
Translated : 1. Now the exposition of Yoga is being made....2. The Restraint of the modification of the mind-stuff is Yoga
The definition of Yoga according to Satchidananda's translation as listed in the glossary at the end of "The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali" is as follows:
Yoga= (lit.union) union of the individual with the Absolute; any course that makes for such union; unruffled state of mind under all conditions.
So Yoga is "union" which is Oneness. Breaking that definition of Union down farther, there are three things Yoga is:
1. union of the individual with the Absolute
2. any course that makes such a union
3. unruffled state of mind under all conditions.
1. Union of the individual with the Absolute?
Yoga is about realizing that all is One...there is no separation. One of the toughest things for us to get past is this idea of separation and individuality.
What you call the external world is as much you as your own body. Your skin does not separate you, it is a bridge from which the external world flows into you and you flow into it.
Alan Watts
This is one quote that made me visualize that I was not separate from others. I have been working on that concept of separation for years. I always knew at some level I cannot explain that we are not separated by body lines yet I could never "explain" it, "see" it in this very limited version of mind I personalized and called "my mind," I did a lot of crazy things with this mind...but one of the craziest things I did was create a "personal version " of this expansive and Absolute mind, from that I created a "me", and from there I made this amazing Life "all about me". I focused on the separate "me" at the exclusion of focusing on the Absolute within me. Through this attachment to the idea of separation. I could not see there never was a "me" ...just this Absolute experiencing Itself through this human.
To see that these bodies are just bridges...a means of experiencing our connection to this Oneness of all...that the senses allow us to experience it all, is very eye-opening. The senses are not meant to create this need for preference and aversion that we tend to use them for. They are meant to allow the Absolute to experience Iself through us...and we are that Absolute that is experiencing...therefore It is the Absolute experiencing Itself...This is Union. This is Oneness.
If I am not separate by skin from the external world, I am not separate from anything. I am not separate from Reality, from Life, from God. Coming to that realization, what Maharshi called, "Self-realization" is Yoga. This flows into the third Sutra in Patanjali's Sutras:
Then the seer (Self) abides in Its own nature.
This, then, takes us to the second part of Patanjali's definition of Yoga.
2. Any Course that makes such a union?
How do we get to this realization?
I love this for the lack of specific direction it provides. Yoga is "Any Course". It doesn't define one path as the right path, and another as the wrong. Patanjali offers a path through his eight limbs but he never proposes that this is the only way. The Indian culture from which Yoga emerged has always been the most open culture to religious diversity.
Truth is One, Paths are Many.
Whatever sadhanna we practice, whatever path we follow, what every religious doctrine we identify with...if we are seeking the One Truth, the Absolute...we are on the right path.
3. Unruffled state of mind under all conditions?
We are here to accept, allow, honor, and appreciate reality as it is. Do we tend to do that? No...we tend to decide how Life should be to make us feel okay inside. When it isn't that way we resist it. We resist it. We become reactive and disturbed.
In order to get to Truth we need to remove what is in the way of Truth. Truth...the Absolute is omniscient, omnipresent, and omnipotent. It is is everywhere. It goes no where. We have simply created a veil of reactivity and disturbance over it. We have focused our attention away from it and this disturbance and reactivity grows between us in this idea of "individual self " and the "Absolute Self". We begin to desire certain "conditions" and be aversive to others. We have created modifications. Our minds are "ruffled".
We are not meant to be "ruffled". Our purest and most natural state is that of the still lake on which all ripples emerge. We need to unruffle so we can maintain peace-an unruffled state of mind under all conditions. This is Yoga.
If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga, Patanjali,pg 3
So our practice is not about looking out there for the answers to our so called problems. It is all about, as Singer often teaches, looking inward to discover why we have problems in the first place. Why are our states of mind so often ruffled?
They are ruffled because we have become distracted by this "little me" and all its drama. The expansive, Absolute, still lake is distracted by the ripples on its surface. We, as human beings, are identifying as one tiny ripple on the surface...and we got lost in this false notion that "it is all about me".
You got distracted by you. Your consciousness got distracted by you....and the fact that you are distracted by you, means you suffer. Singer
We fail to see that we are not the ripple but the still lake on which the ripple emerged. How can something so magnificent lose its focus in something so tiny and insignificant?
You are not okay because you are focusing on something in the universe that is not okay. Singer
We have the ability to get beyond the ruffling, the ripples, the mental modifications and misdirected focus to that which is Absolute. Doing so is Yoga.
Patanjali, of course, goes on in his sutras to describe Raja yoga which is simply one Path to take. This path has eight limbs to it. They are Yama (abstinence from violence, dishonesty, stealing, immorality, and greed.), Niyama (observance of purity, contentment, acceptance of but not causing pain, study, worship and self-surrender to God), Asana (posture practice as seen in Hatha Yoga), Pranayama (breath control), Pratyahara (withdrawal from the senses), Dharana (concentration), Dhyana (meditation), and Samadhi (contemplation, absorption, superconscious state).
Yoga is one Path to take but again the word "Yoga" is just a pointer, pointing to something that really cannot be explained or understand until we experience it.
Regardles of how we get there Yoga is all about becoming okay inside.
Something to think about!
All is well.
Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Intergral Yoga Publications: Yogaville, Virginia
When a man dies, there is a dispute.One party declares he has gone forever, the other insists that he is still living. Which is true?
Katha Upanishad
I have been mining: listening and reading. I have been hitting these jewels of wisdom that leave me questioning. I bring them to the surface and I lay them before you. Can you see their brilliance?
(The V is a quote from Vivekananda and the S is indicating a quote from Michael Singer.)
It is the God within your own self that is propelling you to seek for Him, to realise Him. V
He for whom you have been seeking all over the world, for whom you have been weeping and praying in churches and temples, on whom you were looking as mystery of all mysteries shrouded in the clouds, is nearest of the near, is your own Self, the reality of your life, body, and soul. That is your own nature. V
The world vanishes in a moment and is gone. Standing on the brink of a precipice beyond which isthe infinite yawning chasm, every mind, however hardened, is bound to recoil and ask, "Is this real?"V
...when man realises that so long as there is one life in this universe, he is living. When he can say, "I am in every-thing, in everybody, I am in all lives, I am the universe," then alone comes the state of fearlessness.
There is no individuality except in the Infinite. That is the only condition which does not change. Everything else is in a constant flux. V
You are not what you are defining yourself as, you are that which defined who you are S
People feel frightened when they are told that they are a Universal Being, everywhere present. Through everything you work, through every foot you move, through every lip you talk, through every heart you feel. V
The different philosophies seem to agree that this Atman, whatever it be, has neither form or shape, and that which has neither form or shape must be omnipresent. V.
Time, space and causation, therefore, are in the mind, and as the Atman is beyond the mind and formless, it must be beyond time, beyond space, and beyond causation. Now, if it is beyond time, space, and causation, it must be infinite...The infinite cannot be two. If the soul be infinite, there can be only one Soul, and all ideas of various souls- you having one soul, and I having another, and so fourth-are not real. The Real Man, therefore, is one and infinite, the omnipresent Spirit. And the apparent man is only a limitation of that Real Man...a dim reflection of the Real Man who is beyond. V
The Real Man, the Spirit, being beyond cause and effect, not bound by time and space, must, therefore, be free. He was never bound, and could not be bound. The apparent man, the reflection, is limited by time, space, and causation, and is, therefore, bound...he appears to be bound but really is not V.....
Every soul is infinite, therefore there is no question of birth and death. V
Change can only be in the limited...Motion is always a relative thing. I move in relation to something else...but take this whole universe as one, and in relation to what can it move? There is nothing beside it. So this infinite universe is unchangeable, immovable, absolute, and this is the Real man. Our reality, therefore, consists in the universal and not in the limited. V. ....
As soon as I think that I am a little body, I want to preserve it, to protect it, to keep it nice, at the expense of other bodies; then you and I become separate. As soon as this idea of separation comes, it opens the door to all mischief and leads to all misery. V.
Behind all these stories we find one idea standing supreme- that man is a degeneration of what he was. v.
You are a Great Being. You have no needs...S
What is the force?
All it is, is one Consciousness vibrating at different levels. S
To say that the force called soul is the out come of the combinations of the molecules of the body is putting the cart before the horse. How did the combinations come; where was the force to make them? V
Quantum field is physical plane...consciousness is higher vibration deeper than the quantum field. S
The beginning position is consciousness.... Singer
...This bright body did not represent the force. Whatsoever has form must be the result of a combination of particles and requires some thing else behind it to move it. If this body requires something that is not the body to manipulate it, the bright body, by the same necessity, will also requite something other than itself to manipulate it. So, that something was called the soul, the Atman in Sanskrit. ...V
The bright body is considered the receptacle of the mind, and the Atman is beyond that. It is not the mind even; it works the mind, and through the mind the body. V.
There never was a person who found happiness in the senses or in enjoyment of the senses. Happiness is only found in the Spirit. Therefore, the highest utility for mankind is to find this happiness in the Spirit. V.
Consciousness is One...vibrates at different levels and becomes aware of Itself in different objects. S.
Thoughts are a certain vibration rate in the mental plane. Emotions vibrate even faster. S.
Different planes of reality = different vibration rates. S.
Thoughts don't exist on the physical plane...S.
As soon as I think I am a little body, I want to preserve it, to protect it, to keep it nice, at the expense of other bodies; then you and I become separate. As soon as this idea of separation comes, it opens the door to all mischief and leads to all misery. V.
Let them make the sacrifice, knowing that this "me and mine" is not the real Self, but only a limitation. V.
You a great being don't settle with being a little thing that is caught down here. S
[Charity towards others is the unconscious acting out of ] "I am the universe; this universe is one." V.
It cannot be known; in vain we try to know it. Were it knowable, it would not be what it is, for it is the eternal subject. Knowledge is a limitation, knowledge is objectifying. He is the eternal subject of everything, the eternal witness in this universe, your own Self. Knowledge is, as it it were, a lower step, a degeneration. We are the eternal subject already; how can we know it? V.
You are pure Consciousness...You are consciousness and consciousness is God...S
Every good thought that you think or act upon is simply tearing the veil, as it were; and the purity, the Infinity, the God behind, manifests Itself more and more...Finer and finer becomes the veil, more and more of the light behind shines forth, for it is its nature to shine. V.
"I can handle it". That is your mantra. S
I may at some point delve deeper into each of these gems of wisdom...for now...just observe how they shine.
Why weepest thou, my friend? There is neither birth nor death for thee. Why weepest thou? There is no disease nor misery for thee, but thou art like the infinite sky; clouds of various colours come over it, play for a moment, then vanish. But the sky is ever the same eternal blue.
Vivekananda
I have been weeping over the last few days. My poor old dog is reaching the end of her life span and as I pet her I weep knowing that I will first have to make a decision about ending her time here (I hate making these decisions) and I will miss her when she is gone.
I weep over the diseases in this body that make it pain and ache and break. My neck has been extra sore since I was running around with the grandkids the other day. My belly is also not feeling so well post antbiotic. Sigh! I wonder how long this body will last and if I even care?
I weep over the misery that surrounds me in suffering and addicted persons, those still struggling to have their custody rights asserted, and those struggling with Life in general(including this "me").
Then I wipe my eyes as I read these words. I remember there is no death; there is no disease or no misery. There is just an infinite blue sky to rest our weary human heads upon.
The mind is just like a muscle- the more you exercise it, the stronger it gets, and the more it can expand.
Idowu Koyenikan
Sitting here in some degree of physical discomfort. I overdid it with the grandkids yesterday and am feeling it in my neck today. I have the collar on and I leave it on for a few hours a day, mostly to realign a neck spine that is collapsing forward. I put the collar on and its like "Yes! This is the position I am constantly putting the chins of my yoga students in. Ths is the perfect alignment! I should get my students to put this on before class so they "feel" how there neck should feel in proper position."
I feel the spine in an alignment with the brace that I have not been getting without it since the injury.
When I put it on I can pinpoint exactly what vertebrae in the back are affected.- C3, C4 on the left side; C 5 on the right is where I feel the tenderness. I feel pain there in the back as the front of the cervical spine is elongated because I am decompressing that which is compressed. I am going against what has become normal for the body in its protective mode. My shoulders automatically fall down away from my ears with the brace on. I realize how much accessory muscles were quickly led into bad habits because of the injury. That is why I feel pain in proper position. I was probably collapsing in the front neck to some degree prior to the injury. Osteporosis is manifesting in my neck and probably has been before this sneeze. A few years ago, before I began actively teaching, I had a very pronounced tech-neck with chin constantly jutted forward and head in a chronic slight hyperxtension as a rsult. Now I have just the opposite. I have a hyperflexion forward. Hmm!
So crazy lady, why are you going on about your neck?
This is an example of how we "contract and stretch to reach for things in this human experience" beyond the way we are intended to....leading to habits that put our lives in improper alignment, leading, therefore, to overprotection, tension, pain and suffering. We lean forward(flex) into the pleasant things we "desire or prefer" and fall back away from (hyperextend) the unpleasant things in this life. When we start to realign...against the old habits that have become so normal to us...to wake up and straighten up into a "neutral" alignment with Life ...we may experience discomfort. We have to retrain the mind and the human to break the old habits that have become "normal" so we can stand tall in this life the way we are meant to. Yoga can be our brace.
You are born. You are going to die. In between there is something that's yours...it is called your life.
Michael A. Singer
I, too often, have the experience of being pulled down into the objects of consciousness that are unfolding in front of 'me'.
The strength of the objects you are conscious of is enough to pull you down into it.
There is and has been so many "unpleasant" things showing up in this life I have been given. I get so focused on these unpleasant things that appear to be doing such a somber interactive dance in front of me. I find myself up there on stage with them much too often...swaying and moving...clinging and pushing away as I awkwardly dance to the depressing music being played around me. I tense up. I stumble. I fall. I get all tangled up in the dance.
I forget that I do not have to be. I forget why I am here. I forget who I am. I suffer.
Then, as if waking up from an altered state, I "realize" I am on stage, all tangled up, and I ask, "How the heck did I get here...again?"
I disentangle myself from the all the limbs of life circumstance holding me down, brush myself off, apologize to who ever is watching, and with red face make my way back down to my seat in the audience.
"This is where I am supposed to be", I timidly ask the choreographer...."not up there. Right?"
And with a nod of Life's head and the reassuring, "Yes...observe. Don't jump in. Not yet...not until you are ready and more coordinated in your movements. Just watch and learn from this amazing performance.", I begin watching the dance I was once all tangled up in.
I like it back here in this seat of observer. The energy vibration is higher, than it is up there. It is not so depressing. I am more sure of the Self back here, than I am of the self up there. Things are clearer from the distance than they are from my place on stage...even if I don't understand the choreographer's intentions...at all.
I see how the extremities that seemed to be knocking me down and tangling me up when I was up there, are actually flowing in some graceful sequence. The more relaxed the dancer, I see, the more fluid the movement.
There is no basis for tension. It doesn't help anything.
This dancer I was trying to be, I realize, was clumsy in its tension and resistance. It was interfering, rather than enhancing the dance. Without "me" and my resistance in the way, the dance is indeed a beautiful thing to witness.
Every experience you have in your life is your teacher.
I am here to learn and to grow so I can back up on the stage and enjoy being a part of the dance.
All that I am watching is just Life being Life...it is just circumstance flowing in and flowing out. It's patterns and directions have little to nothing to do with "me". My role as a dancer is not to control the choreography but to go with the flow.
I do not have to be an awkrward dancer when I get back up there. I just have to relax, knowing I was born a graceful ballerina who has the potential to enjoy this amazing dance I get to dance in.
The time between my birth and my death is a holy time...I am not missing one milisecond of it.
