Purposeful Callings: Building and Walking

 Chasing your calling does not have to be this grand road to fame sort of pursuit.  It could be a slow, quiet walk towards the purpose you have been  created for.  

Unknown.

Not Chasing , Being Pulled

 My calling is to write and serve the greater good in someway. My calling isn't fame and fortune. That is a good thing becasue...I have been writing for many, many years and have neither fame or fortune.  I am not even sure if I am serving the greater good. 

Someone I love dearly  made an innocent comment yesterday, in reference to me doing what I do here, that went something like this.  "Maybe if you stop talking about yourself so much, and instead give people pointers on how to solve their problems, you could actually increase your readership and maybe even make some money." 

I was not one bit insulted by that comment  nor was I moved an inch toward changing what I do here.  The comment  was one of those neutral things that blew right through me.  I listened. I definitely felt the "You are probably right" in it.  I also felt the earnestness in the person's suggestion; was moved by  their desire for me to "be happy"  and possibly their need to protect me from "embarrassment " by encouraging me to be less "exposed". I felt great warmth and appreciation for their concern for me.  I  also chuckled to myself when the comment brought  the image to my mind  of them trying to throw a blanket  over me as they chased me, in my undies only,  around the yard,  hushing me while I  sang "Too -Ra -Loo-Ra" at the top of my lungs.  There was a compassionate  "I don't want the neighbors to think/know just how crazy you are" quality to that comment. It was a kindly- meant and actually  a "good" suggestion.  But...I also knew that comment  did not come from a place of understanding that which I am just beginning to understand.

A Flow In Motion

I am not doing this.  I am not making this blog  happen .  It is happening to me and through me and I am just as surprised as anyone else who knows "me" in my personalized, conceptualized form. The only thing I may be doing here is allowing it to happen.  That's it. I am cooperating. I did not plan on spending my days, as a fairly well educated, somewhat professional  human being sitting here writing a blog about waking up, of all things, and sharing with people I do not know and may never meet things about my spiritual and personal life that I probably wouldn't share with my closest friends. This is not where I planned to be and what I planned to be doing at this point in my life. Then to do it without  any extrinsic rewards like "wealth and honor"...I agree "crazy!" .  In fact, my readership would be completely embarrassing to my former " externalistic" self..The  daily numbers are below five and still here I am. And it just "feels" so much like I am supposed to be here...like I was lead here. I am just cooperating with the movement of flow I have so little control over.

Behind anything that goes wrong, if you can cooperate with that movement that the mind calls "wrong"- great power lies in that.  Cooperate instead with the movement that the mind has labelled "bad".  You can be sure that it turns around or something reveals itself that is of greater good...Eckhart Tolle

I am cooperating in hope that this is leading us all to greater good but  I really have no choice but to cooperate anyway. It would require great resistance , great energy, and even more will power on my part to change what is happening  here. It is like there is a river flowing through me and I just have to let it flow.  I am just being pulled along with it. When I get up in the morning...I feel the pull and the solid understanding that at some point this morning I will come here and write.  It is my main objective and my day will not be complete unless I comply. And when I sit here ...it...whatever "it" is just happens.  Sometimes I write about myself and "my "petty problems...and thou ego may feel it is being served by this...I know when I write about my challenges etc it has little to do with "me" as any more than a sample of learning.  And sometimes there is no "me" in my writing. Regardless, I just sit, put my fingers on the key board and "it" happens. 

I get embarrassed at times by what comes out.  And I want to delete it or put it in draft mode but I will "feel" this resounding "No! Leave it! Just leave it...it is not about "you" and your embarrassment." So I do.  I leave it though I  may be hoping that that entry will not get read. Ironically, those are the entries that tend to get the most readers. lol

I do have a sincere hope this blog it is helping at least one other human being who maybe struggling somewhere ...just one person and I will feel that it is all worth while, even if that person is me.  And it is helping me, in ways I never imagined, taking me some place very special and healing.  Still, the ego part of me gets frustrated when I see the low readerships, day in and day out and I question, "Why am "I" doing this??? I am just talking to myself.  "  I will still come here everyday because , like I said, it is almost like I don't have a choice.  I am simply being pulled to come here  but on those "frustrated" days my energy and motivation will be low. And then I will get a comment from someone, out of the blue, that says, "I read you.  I am getting something from this."...I say okay...it is all I need and my energy is revamped.   I keep going.

Just Build It...And They Will Come

I do  have thoughts or get suggestions from others quite frequently  to change blog sites, publicize more, "change the way you write and what you write about and you will attract more readers".  Just when I am tempted to do that, I will feel that voice again..."just keep doing what you are doing, it will all be okay" . I am reminded of that line from the movie about the dead baseball players that come to a farmer's cornfield...Field of Dreams...with Kevin Costner:  "Build it and they will come" lol

So I am building, what I am not quite sure...and "they"...whoever they are will come.  I am not sure "who" will come"...maybe I already have all the perfect readers right now to say I have fulfilled my calling (and I am so grateful for you) or maybe there is more to come. I don't know...none of my business.  If there is more to come, I am not sure  "why" they will come, "how" many will come or "when" they will come. I am not sure "what" will happen when they get here either...what they or I will get from our meeting up. All I know is I am supposed to build what I am building here...(well...I am supposed to let it be built through me...is a better way of putting it). 

Maybe it is all "crazy".  Maybe , I am just a step away from  running around the yard singing Too-Ra-loo-Ra in my undies. Regardless of how strange and "out there" I or this blog seems to be, I couldn't stop doing it if I tried. Sigh!Looks like  I am building a darn baseball field regardless of what anyone, including me, thinks. 

All is well! 

Happiness: A Collective Enterprise?

 

Once a person acknowledges that happiness does not simply arise out of positive personal perceptions and attitudes the door opens to mutual responsibility for individual happiness. It is here, we believe, that the interactionist perspective has the most powerful implications. In the context of co-responsibility happiness is not a “self-help” pursuit but is, rather, a collective enterprise. 

Ahuvia et al

It is so beautiful out side my window right now...the sun has once again found its way through a heavy cloud cover that was our experience for the last few days.  The sky is blue and nature is out there rejoicing in it.  So, so much music in my part of the world on a beautiful spring day.  I missed the strawberry moon yesterday only because of the cloud and rain  but knowing it was there was kind of exciting too.  Nature is so miraculous in its presentation, in its abundance.  I am re-listening to an audio book by Thich Nhat Hanh entitled Fear. In it, he tells a story about how he was walking one day and felt, almost visualized, a long umbilical cord connecting him in his body to the sun, the river, the trees, the farmer, and all the other beings around him. We are so connected to nature in all her glorious abundance.  We are connected because we are a part of her.  We are her. As I sit here listening to that music out there, I am reminded of that.

A Research Article Leaves Me Pondering

Anyway, I read an interesting research paper yesterday on the interactionist perspective when it comes to understanding happiness and well being, in which Matthieu Ricard ( who is teaching the part of the course I am currently on) is one of the many authors /researchers. Interactionism asserts that happiness is  not exclusively due to an internal perspective, nor is it due  exclusively to an external one  but rather to a combination of both. In a sense, it is felt,  happiness is due to a balance of inner and outer world factors that allow for a sense of well being.  

Huh? 

An externalism perspective will assert that our happiness is solely dependent on our external life events.  If I have money, for example, I will more likely be happier than a person who didn't have money.  To solve the problem of my so called "unhappiness"attributed to a lack of money, then, I would seek ways to make more money or get more money from the external world. 

Internalism would find fault in that approach, claiming that this will actually take us farther from happiness. An internalist, which I tend to be, would also say that my happiness has nothing to do with my life circumstance. It is my reaction to this life event  that is the problem.  Happiness is a purely inner experience. I should be able to be happy with or without money; with or without my ability to meet basic needs or maintain a sense of safety and security while I moved around in the external world. As you can tell by my recent blog entries...I make it a point not to blame  my almost desperate financial situation  right now  and all the external factors that lead to it  as the source of my so called "problems".  I see the problem, if I perceive I have one, not as this life event but as my internal reaction to it. I take ownership and seek to  find peace and happiness despite my  challenges by improving my inner world which starts with not reacting to my present reality.  

Do you see the difference in these two approaches? 

Is the Purely Internalistic Approach the Road to Happiness? 

Up until yesterday, I did not question my approach.  I do believe that a purely externalistic approach is unhealthy and that of the two, internalism is not just more "spiritual', but also more  practical and effective.  Whether I am just suffering from a bad case of spirituality superiority or seeing clearly,  I believed wholeheartedly it was the right path and thought I was fully  understanding Buddhist, Yogic and Christian doctrine in regards to this. I thought they were teaching that the goal is to become happy despite my external life challenges. Accepting them graciously was the key.   I was actually feeling a bit "unwholesome" and "unskillful" whenever I wanted things to be different or when I caught myself saying, "Oh man...things have been so tough and challenging for so long now.  I wish my outer circumstances would change just enough to give me some relief...if  I can't improve my health, or the well being of my children, it would be so great if I could just sell something I wrote, or earn a little money so I could help alleviate some of the other many outer world challenges I seem to be facing. At least I wouldn't have to worry about losing the house or what will happen when I do." This guilt and shame for failing, or at the very least..."slipping back" in my spiritual quest, to these thought streams,  just  adds to my sense of unhappiness. So in an attempt to be the perfect internalist, I have been stuffing, suppressing, denying and resisting this deep emotional desire for things to change. 

How spiritual is that, I wonder? 

"At least" , my desiring mind would ask the powers that be when it thought no one was looking..."could you just slow it down a bit when it comes to the challenges? I don't need to be free of challenges but could you   just slow down the presentations enough for me to catch my breath, so I don't feel I am in the ring with the young  Mohammad Ali 24-7...jab after jab, after jab.?" 

Money, the lack of,  just seemed to play a part in my sense of struggle and unhappiness with what is. So though I work diligently to accept and allow this into my life experience, and find my calm and my peace despite it,  the thought that  the bills need to be paid, still come up. My reality reminds me that  I cannot keep going in debt to pay my mortgage and bills without consequence and that my  ability to help my children and others would be improved if I had more money and less stress in regards to a lack of money. So... though I so want to do the mind work and take the spiritual path, I will  often forgo my internalistic mission and push myself physically to "fix"  things out there. I will "do" things like...teach classes on days I am  having chest pain or spend way too many hours getting  my submissions together and out there with the very slim possibility they might sell...(just like I worked longer than was healthy for  my body and mind in the job I left). ...just to earn money. I do this even though yoga and writing, to me, are  not something I want to do for the sake of earning money...I still have this compulsion to give more classes away then I charge for and I don't seek monetary gain for most of what I publish other than my books but sometimes, sometimes I have this sick hope that these things I love to do may lead me from my hardships.  I am also  looking for jobs "out there" that pay and am dreaming non stop at night, it seems,  about going back to work to gain that income that seemed to bring  so much safety and security with it. And in these dreams there is this voice that says, "You have come so far, you don't want to go back to  pushing yourself to exhaustion." But the feeling of having that income in my dreams feels so,so good. It relieves so much of this pressure.

Interactionalism 

So, I guess what I am saying, is that though I so see the wisdom in internalism and so want to live that way...it isn't easy when so much of me has to function in the external world.  And this is what the interactionists take into consideration. The external world, they propose, does have something to do with our happiness or lack of. 

It is a well validated theory. It is, after all,  a combination of scientists, psychologists and Buddhist Monks that propose this theory, and suggest that it is  the approach to take if we want happiness. They suggest that we still want to live by intrinsic virtue and seek to find the internal peace  but external variables, though not wholly responsible, do play a part in our ability to attain and maintain happiness. If we go back to my example of  the money situation I am experiencing, the writers of the article have this to say:

For people living in poverty, the data tell a rather straightforward externalist story in which increased income allows people to meet their basic needs, and thus dependably leads to increased happiness... 

Studies of non-poor populations, however, tell a much more interactionist story. Higher levels of income generally lead to higher levels of satisfaction with one’s income, which in turn leads to higher overall life satisfaction. (Page 8)

 I was once very satisfied with my income. And going from this income that brought satisfaction to one that takes me below the poverty line certainly makes it challenging to maintain that level of satisfaction.So though I know I cannot and will not return to work at that level,  my dreams are calling me to do so.  They are making me question my internalistic perspective. I am so confused.  

Aristotle

My buddy Aristotle clears it up for me a bit. Aristotle, the article, shares was a great interactionalist Though he had great contempt for seeking the good life through wealth and honor, he also often compared the notion of stoically accepting what is, to trying to  lead the good life while strapped to the rack.  Though I am not strapped to some torture instrument while Life attempts to pull me apart into pieces, it is more than a little uncomfortable  at times dealing with these external challenges, and I am not sure I am being completely honest when I say, "It is all good!  All good!  All good!" I still believe , if I am being even more honest with myself, that a positive  change in my external life situation, just a bit even, would make it easier for me to be happy and well. 

A Changing Perspective

So I am just pondering, if maybe the interactionalists have it right. Would it  be skillful to change my perspective just a bit and lean a little toward the need or advantage of effecting change in my outer world as I still work diligently on attaining and maintaining serenity and peace inside?  Happiness, which was never a word I liked that much anyway, may depend on both a stable and unchanging inner world which would foster   a "peace no matter what" perspective,  as well as a little reliance on "help" from the external environment. 

What do you think?

All is well! 

Ahuvia, A., Thin, N., Haybron, D. M., Biswas-Diener, R., Ricard, M., & Timsit, J. (2015). Happiness: An interactionist perspective. International Journal of Wellbeing, 5(1), 1-18. doi:10.5502/ijw.v5i1.1 

Ripples

 If you can control the rising of the mind into ripples, you will experience Yoga.

Patanjali

Yoga is not all about stretching and turning our bodies into pretzels as so many of us in this western culture tend to believe.  It is actually a science of the mind...a practice that will help us to smooth out all those ripples, those mental modifications, those vrttis , that disturbance that gets in the way of us experiencing the natural state of mind...peace. The asanas are just one limb of this eight-limbed practice that takes us there. And it is all a practice...something we have to commit ourselves to doing everyday. The real practice is observing the ripples that disturb the mind's calm surface  and just allowing them to disperse without interfering. 

The Bird on the Water Analogy

Michael Singer, in the video linked below, gives the analogy of a bird sitting on top of the water. The bird represents Self...the water represents mind.  Mind and bird are not the same thing! Despite what it may believe, the bird is not the mind...it just uses it to get from one place to another.  The water/mind is a tool.  When the mind/the water is smooth and easy, the bird is happy.  When the water is rough and turbulent, the bird is not happy.  It is unhappy not becasue of the water or what ever circumstances life was handing out but because of its tendency to fight that which it does not like.  So it is splashing and thrashing about fighting the water of the mind, believing it is stuck in that water... and making that water even more turbulent. The water can get so disturbed that the bird may feel like it is drowning in it and there is no way out!

Isn't that how we feel many times.  Our minds are always on overdrive, it seems.  Our water often  seems so turbulent and we get so caught up in it we feel we are drowning in our worries, our fears, our obsessive thinking, our "problems"... what Patanjali referred to as mental modifications. 

There is a way out! 

Though Life may continue to offer challenges; though it is normal to have rough water from time to time both in our inner and outer experiences...we can control most of the suffering that we experience by not interfering with Life. 

Stop Making More Ripples

You see there are two types of ripples on this water, according to Singer: Primary and Secondary. (This description brings to my mind, the Buddhist teachings of first and second arrow. )  The primary ripple is the mind's initial reaction to a life event.  We meet with a challenge, for example,  and it disturbs the mind...causing fear, anger, resentment, grief.  All these are very natural responses to challenge,  just as it is very natural for the human mind to seek comfort and pleasure, to want things to be "okay in here". So a ripple appears on the clear, calm water of our natural mind causing a disturbance. Now if we leave the ripple alone, it will eventually go away...leaving the water still and calm again.  But...it is, unfortunately, our tendency to train our minds to do whatever it can to make sure the water stays calm, to remove all ripples and all "unwanted" things...to seek the "wanted" things...to make the water, Life and the mind go the way we want it to, to be the way we want it to be. That is where the secondary ripples come in. Our interference in attempting to stop the rippling, stop the disturbance, make the water behave to our liking... actually makes the water more turbulent.  We don't often see that it is our effort to control the waters, our fighting against it and our resisting  that make it more turbulent....we blame the water.  We blame Life.

What we need to do is stop fighting, stop looking at life events as the cause of all our desperate swimming to stay afloat....and really look at the mind and what it is doing.  When we realize we are not this water, this mind...and that we can step away from it, get out of it by going through it...the secondary ripples will no longer be aggravating the current ...we will no longer be drowning in something we never had to drown in...and the waters of the mind will calm themselves.

That is pretty cool! 

Michael Singer/ sounds True  ( June, 2021) Ceasing to Be Caught in the Waters of Mind. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qxMS_el-5yA

Sri Swami Satchidananda (2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications.

Riding the Wave or Observing it?

 

Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them- that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.

Eckhart Tolle 

It took me a while to come here and actually place my fingers on the keys today. Why?  I was lost in the meanderings of my petty little mind, trying to figure out what "I" as this clump of flesh and much too busy mind, could "do" to "fix" and "control" the life event sitting so obviously before me.  I must be leaning over too much, allowing the wind to knock me off balance, causing me to fall  into the turbulent waters of my mind...again. I somehow recognize I am there, splashing around, fighting a current I actually created. I stop and tread. I take a deep breath, pull my drenched and soggy body from the waters huffing and puffing as I do.  I drag myself to shore and look over the bank and ask, "What the fork just happened? Why do I keep ending up in that bloody water?" 

So now I am reflecting on why I keep getting sucked into this fast moving current when all I truly want to do is observe it.  The Life Event that I am reacting to is awareness of my financial situation. My bank accounts tell me that I am getting more and more in debt trying to stay afloat.  I am not the only person on this planet experiencing financial woes at this present moment in time. That I know.  I also know that we do not all act the same to this so called "problem." Many, with similar circumstances as mine would probably be handling it with a lot more reactivity, with  more drama than I am right now.   "Oh my God...I can't pay the mortgage.  How am I going to pay off the debt I am incurring to pay the mortgage? I can't handle this never ending stress of trying to stay a float.  I will have to give up the house.  Then where will we live? Oh my!  I can't accept that I am in this situation. It should not be this way at my age after working so hard like I did. It is all so unfair. What do I do?  What do I do?  How do I fix this, change this? " Thrashing and splashing, fighting and struggling, resenting and resisting.  Believe me I understand that approach...been there, done that...and there are many times I still  wake up to find I am once again  there.  

Sigh! Staying centered is not as easy as it looks.  I often find myself getting sucked into the thought stream, fighting against what life has given me as if it shouldn't be this way.  I blame it for making things so hard for "me". 

This world is not designed to make you happy-it is designed to challenge you.

Eckhart Tolle

Many others in the same situation, ( maybe not many, but a few, evolved human beings I would love to  emanate) would handle it in a much more enlightened way.  They would  be observing calmly from the shore...where I am at the present moment...and saying, "Oh wow!  Look what is down there! Some challenging waves...some choppy water...cool! Not sure how long this white water travels but it is all good. " (Which I am not quite saying). Then if they were even more evolved they would go into the water, lay back and just float...rising  up when the waves crested, sinking down when the waves troughed...just allowing it all to be exactly as it, without fighting or resisting. The white water, (the challenging life event) would be viewed as a wonderful and exciting challenge that they embraced and experienced fully  rather than something that "shouldn't be".  They would trust it as they trusted this flow of Life  to take them home. 

I am not there yet.  I am still on the shore observing the water, coming to acceptance of it.  I do see that right where I am focusing, the water is choppy. There is challenge and this challenge is not a problem from here but I am not quite at the point where I am ready to go down and ride the waves.  Observing is enough for now; reflecting on my tendency to get sucked in is enough for now, staying centered is enough for now. Accepting that it all is just as it is, is enough for now.

What I intend as I sit here is that I I find peace when I go back down into that river of Life...I used to believe that would only happen if  my circumstances miraculously changed or I was able to "solve the problem" or "fix the moment" somehow but now I see there is another way. I intend to develop the serenity and fortitude of those more evolved beings I wish to emanate. I want peace and the ability to truly experience this flow of Life  I have been granted the opportunity to experience, no matter what it offers,   with appreciation and awe.

All is well! 

Should Be and Shouldn't Be

 The universe unfolding in front of you should not be the way you want it to be.  It should be the way it is.

Michael Singer

I often tell others that I believe one of the most toxic words in our English language is the word " should". When we say a thing, an event, another person  "should or should not be"  a certain way we are resisting what is. We are stepping up to Life and saying..."I don't accept what you are doing and "I" know more than you.  I know what should or shouldn't be happening here, back off and let me take over." 

Should and Shouldn't Be

Michael Singer, in the video linked below, reminds us that  the Universe has been happening , growing, expanding, being for over 13.8 billion years, long, long,long before we, in these temporary forms  plopped down here.  Many, many natural forces, we could not even begin to understand, have been working together to form that which is unfolding in front of us right now. What we are looking out upon in this moment -be it a beautiful sunset or an image of our bank account, now in the red-is just a very impersonal result of billions of causes and billions of effects.  It really has nothing to do with us. How and why it is there, showing up in front of us, is really none of our business.   We just have the very honored but often unappreciated opportunity to observe the unfolding universe in action.  Whatever is in front of us is one of an infinite amount of possibilities and we get to observe and participate in it.  Wow!  That is something that should fill us with awe, gratitude and reverence. But it doesn't, does it?

I look at my bank account and I get a boulder sized knot in my gut. I don't appreciate what I am seeing.  I fail to appreciate the billions of events that have evolved to lead to this moment. My moment just seems "wrong", Life seems "bad" and this present unfolding seems  like it "shouldn't be." Why?  Because my image of a separate, personalized self  doesn't like it. It does not like this reality and it wants something different.  It wants the situation, the moment, the universe to be different than what it is. So I tighten up in resistance.  I walk up to life wagging my finger and say, " This shouldn't be!" and I begin to tell it what "should be" .  Me, in this little clump of flesh that will only be around for less than 100 years, that knows absolutely nothing about anything, is going to tell the intelligent, wise, 13.8 billion year old universe that creates every speck of dust on this planet, every being, every non-being, that works in perfect balance and harmony with all the ancient invisible forces around me...what it "should be" in order to accommodate my desires in this point of my puny existence. Do you see something wrong with that? 

Reality not behaving? 

We often see problems where there are no problems. We see problems when reality won't behave:   When what we want to happen isn't happening ; when what we don't want is happening; when what we want to happen in the future might not happen or when what we don't want to happen in the future might  happen.  We even have an issue when what we wanted to happen, didn't happen and when what we did not want to happen , happened.  Man, it is crazy to put all that energy and effort in that way  we do to change the present and future so it accommodates our petty desires,  but to put energy and effort into resisting the past is even crazier, isn't it?  We cannot go back and change the past. Yet there we are, wagging our fingers in Life's face saying, "You shouldn't have done that or you should have done that!" and we won't let it go!

Life is not the problem...how we relate to it is. 

The Buddha's second noble truth taught that the cause for all suffering is "desire".  What is desire?  According to Michael Singer, desire is simply the making up in our mind of the way we want reality to be. "I want it to go like this, be like this, do this...if it does I will be happy and Life will be good." If it goes the way. we tell ourselves it should go.....great...we are happy and we have a great "controlling" relationship with Life ( for the moment, it lasts, that is).  If it doesn't go that way, we have a very resentful relationship with Life. With desire as our motivator, we set out to "fix", control, manipulate Life so it goes our way...because we determine it was "wrong" and that we know better. 

 And all Life was and is ever  doing is doing what Life does.  Life knows what it is doing and where it is going.  We, on the other hand, don't know and we have to accept that fact.  Life/ the universe, God is wiser than us and we would be much better off relaxing into its process than trying to control that which we cannot control!

Most of us face each morning wondering what we can do to make the day  go our way. Imagine waking up in the morning, looking out upon the world and saying, This is the day the Lord hath made. Rejoice in it and be glad. Psalm 118:24

Ride the Wave

Those who flow as Life flows know they need no other force.Lao Tzu

What would happen, I wonder, if we did as Singer and many of the wise sages suggest,  and stopped "desiring"....  If we stopped stepping in the way of our Life experiences with our wagging fingers and our "want and don't want" demands and instead  relaxed into the unfolding  event that shows up in front of us each moment? Would we learn to appreciate and be in awe of whatever happens, whatever shows up even if  it is  what old, conditioned  mind might have previously judged as " bad, wrong, shouldn't be"?  Could we learn to look at our so called problems, like financial difficulty, in the same way we look at a sunset? Could we learn to accept it all just as it is?  Could we revere and trust Life enough  to put away our personal agendas, so we can flow with it instead of against it...letting her do the doing while we just rest in the  flow?  Instead of awing about Life ...can we learn to be in awe of Life, every moment?  

I don't know but it would be pretty cool if we could. I am willing to do my best to at least try this other way.  What about you? 

All is well!

Michael Singer Podcast/ Sounds True (April 2, 2022) From Fighting to Harmony: Changing your Relationship With Life https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbnJq_96xAI

I think therefore I am?

 I think therefore I am.

Rene Descartes

or

I am therefore I notice my thinking.

(I am not sure who said this.  I have it scribbled down in my notes without an author attached to it. My bad! Sorry. ) 

Which of the above quotes makes the most sense to you?  I  remember loving the first quote, seeing so much wisdom in it, as the philosophy prof shared it with our eager ready to be molded minds.  I don't see much wisdom in it anymore.  In fact, I see how unwise it is.  Thinking, I eventually learned by examining my own mind instead of blindly accepting the teachings others throw at me, keeps us from experiencing the "I am" of our lives. 

I am...

I love the second quote. I see the wisdom in that.  I feel the wisdom in that. We are "I am" before we are "thinker". The "I am" is always there, has always been there, will always be there as the core observer and participant of our experience here. Thinking,  like all things in this world, is not something "we" do.  It is something that just happens...flowing into our psyches, our experiences and flowing out. There is no substance to it.

Clouds in the Sky

"I am" is the spacious blue sky, eternal, unchanging, infinite.  Thoughts and other mental formations or mental modifications are just clouds that float over that blue sky.  Sometimes the clouds are light and fluffy not creating enough of an obstruction to hide the blue sky beneath.  The blue sky and all that light and goodness still shines through. We experience joy, peace, love in small or large amounts depending on how much blue sky is getting through.  Sometimes, the clouds are dark and heavy, even stormy, creating a thick veil over the  blue sky so little of its light shines through.  We experience heaviness, darkness, confusion, fear, anger, depression etc only becasue the light from the blue sky is not getting through the veil the mind has placed in front of it.  The blue sky is still there as it always has been and always will be, full of light and space and freedom.  We just don't see it through the cloud cover. The only thing between us and this sky, then,  are these clouds. The only thing between us and the peace we long for is the cloud cover of mind...our thinking.  The only thing between us and connection with the infinite blue sky are our mental modifications. 

The Sky Beneath The Cloud Cover

"I am" is still there underneath even our heaviest and darkest mental formations, our thoughts and feelings. It doesn't go away because we are not "observing" it.  It is and always will be observing us...observing the clouds...observing the thoughts, observing the feelings, observing the world beyond the mind.  It is always able to observe us even when we lost our attention on it.

We want to connect with it.  We want to be a part of it ( I mean we are always a part of it but we want the experience of being a part of it) and we begin by doing what it does...observing that which keeps us from it. We notice when we are thinking and when we are not.  Most of us have a lot of cloud cover in our psyches so we have a lot of noticing to do...but we notice the clouds. "Oh I am thinking. That is blocking my peace." or  "Oh! I am reacting to what that person said, filling my head with feeling, story, judgement and that is blocking me from experiencing peace, joy, love etc" .  We make a commitment to keep the sky above us ( which is in our mind and heart) as open as possible. We do our best not to cling to any clouds or attempt to push away clouds ( that only makes them more persistent and potentially stormy).  We just notice them. Clouds are going to come and go and we just notice.  Thoughts and feelings are going to come and go and we just notice. They will pass by on their own. We just notice!

Noticing the "I am"

The more we practice this the more we notice the blue sky, the more we fall into the blue sky and realize just how much a part of it we have always been.  "I am" the eternal , spacious  blue sky that notices the clouds that pass upon it.  "I am" the eternal, spacious observer that notices the thinking as it passes by the mind.

Hmmm! Well that is how I see it. What do I know? 

All is well! . 

Winds of Change

 

It is cloudy out today.  My office window is open and I can hear the breeze blowing through the now full hardwood.  It is so beautiful, more musical than any symphony.  

There are patches of Lily of the Valley right below this window and every now and again their fragrance gets picked up by the careless wind and is  blown in here.  I close my eyes and breathe it all in,  reminded  of my childhood, picking these same flowers from the graveyard by where I used to live.  They grew there in abundance and despite my fear of "the dead" I would run into the old fenced in crypts, shove my face into their delightful little congregations and scoop up as many as I could, leaves and all. I probably would have sold a bouquet  to my Nana because I would have felt a tiny bit entitled or at least worthy of her  smiling, big -open-armed generosity. I knew even with my broken and immature mind, that I never had to impress her by giving her anything.  And graciously but awkwardly I would have given  them to my mother whom I spent a life time trying to impress, without success, it seems. They, the little white happy faced flowers with their lovely perfume always seemed to make her smile.  They seemed to be able to do what I never could. 

The wind, like my breath, pulls me from my memory and brings me back to this moment.  Nana and my mother are gone now, just distant wisps of memory that, like the wind I am listening to, blow through the open windows of my psyche  once in a while. 

I look through the open section of curtain. All I see is green and luscious out there and it is like "Wow! When did that happen?" I just cannot seem to keep up with time.  The world is changing so fast around me,  it is  a blur.  One day the earth is sad and heavy, languishing under the dirty snow of early spring  and then  there is this. My yard  is now  flourishing in an abundance of chlorophyll induced colour.  I did not see it happening. 

Why  can't I keep up with  the transitions of seasons and the transitions in this thing  I call, "my life", I wonder.

Hmmm! Maybe, I know why, after all. My vision has stopped changing. It is no longer chasing or  dependent on the objects before it. I am looking out at all this through eyes, though clouded with cataracts and lens that don't refract light the way they used to on the outside, that are clear and changeless. Beneath this body that  wrinkles and sags, dying a bit everyday, is this never changing observer of things.  There are  no calendar pages to turn, no transitions, no ticking clocks in here,  though everything that surrounds it comes and goes.  There is no winter or summer...just this ; no past or future, just now. When I lay back into its arms, allowing my attention to rest on the changeless, there is no passing of time. So I do not notice the changing world around me  the way I used to. 

I feel my breath and I listen to this ever changing world as the wind sings so softly for me this sweet lullaby:  "Just this!  Just this!" 

Hmm! All is well. 

Oh it is all so confusing...yet beautiful at the same time. 

The more wisdom you attain[open up to]and the more conscious you become, the crazier you will appear to others.

Unknown

That is why I call myself "crazy lady"...I know in the eyes of many I am crazier than a bag of hammers and  am only on the first lag of my journey. Oh man...lol

I didn't want to leave this site with such negativity as the last entry brought out.  It is all good.  All this learning is good. I don't mind being thought of as "crazy" if it means that I am coming in contact with some wisdom. 

All is well.

Fear, Belief, Narcissistic Egos and Cults

 Your beliefs don't make you a better person, your behavior does. 

Sukhraj Dhillon

I have been thinking about cults again, thanks to Netflix lol. I actually have had a fascination with cults for quite some time. I have this desire to understand them for some strange reason.  My fascination and desire to understand  leads me to watch these series that come up on Netflix related to them.  I binge watched the series on the FLDS and Warren Jeffs yesterday and though it left me feeling a little sick inside I couldn't stop watching.  

Cult Leaders

Though I have such a strong visceral aversion to cult leaders, I want to understand why people tend to follow these leaders when they seem so obviously, narcissistic and egoic. Ego and narcissism, I observe in these leaders,  often goes with  Anti-social personality Disorder...a lack of compassion and remorse leading to an abuse of power, a need for control and adoration,  a making "right" that which could never be "wholesome" or "skillful" to suit very self-centered personal needs (greed, accumulation of the community's resources to serve self, sexual exploitation, diminishing the value of others, demanding blind obedience even if it leads to harm, severe punishment for not obeying  and the abuse...sexual, emotional and physical even of minors).  This type of leadership involves everything that is the opposite of "spiritual" though it is often,  through the guise of  faith and spirituality, that cult leaders  gain their power. 

Followers

Now some potential leaders  have charisma ; some have a way of drawing people in with their charm , looks and personality.  Obviously Warren Jeff did not have those assets to use.  Yet,  thousands of people blindly followed him despite how much suffering it caused them. Why?  He, like other spiritual cult leaders,  used the power of " belief"  in others, to manipulate and control.  

My mind will often judge that as "sick" of the followers and " pure evil" of the leaders,  but to the followers these leaders are often viewed as "next to God" or "speaking for God". Even after they have been exposed, prosecuted by the law...these "true followers" will still adore and blindly follow these leaders. Why?  Because somehow the followers are convinced that belief is more important than behavior.  

The Dangerous Power of Belief

Belief is so friggin powerful, isn't it?  Belief is so friggin dangerous!   People are willing to give up their children for it, to allow their 12 to 14 year old daughters be raped by these leaders or other men in the community under the guise of "marriage" for it. In this case the individuals believed they would not be "lifted up" from the fires of damnation when it came...and it was coming soon...if they did not blindly follow this sick, cruel  and oh so selfish, far, far from spiritual man in everything he said.  Fear and belief, then, often go together. 

I am sure at one time the beliefs these sick individuals exploit were also authentically and sincerely a part of their lives...at least to some degree, weren't they?  Warren Jeff was a believer in what he preached was he not, at one time? He  believed in the message at one point, didn't he? Or did he from the beginning only see a way to self fulfillment through the power this belief seemed to have on others in his community. Was he plotting from the beginning how he could use that fear and that belief for his own personal gain?

Reinforcing Belief

I don't know but I can see from this series and others how people were drawn in.  The belief was externally  reinforced and reinforced and reinforced over and over again through the visuals on buildings, walls, shoes even , "Stay Sweet!" "Pray and Obey"...it was everywhere.  They sang these messages, they read these messages, they spoke these messages, they heard this message 24/7.  They were hypnotized by them. And it was always followed by a big, "Or else..." which fed their fear.  They were not allowed to question the message, the teaching or the messenger.  Doing so meant punishment...being torn away from  loved ones, being physically violated or emotionally abused. They were conditioned to obey! To believe!  Believing in the message, and the selected messenger...no matter what he was like... became an external and internal law. Questioning it was to break these laws and would mean eternal damnation for self and loved ones.  More fear increasing the stuckness in this cycle.

 So when the unthinkable was asked of them...well not asked...demanded of them..."Become my wife number 62( come on...the rational mind would see, wouldn't it, how unwholesome and unskillful being one of 62 wives is, wouldn't  it? )  Give your 16 year old daughter to that lecherous 85 year old man as a wife...don't worry, he will become young again. Marry your 14 year old daughter off to her first cousin.   Bring your 12 year old daughter to me for some ritual in the sacred, holy bed of the temple." The behavior of the men in the community, I personally judged,  as so outrageous but the belief was stronger. ...making it all okay.  

Deprogramming

I wonder what would happen if more women, like those few brave women who spoke up, had a chance to step away from the programming, just for a month, to go to some Buddhist retreat or some ashram somewhere where they would learn to meditate and just focus on breath. If they could just create enough space in their mind between what they were taught to think and believe and  their conscious mind,  maybe they could just observe it all  objectively. What if they could walk themselves through belief to what was on the other side, coming to terms with the question, "Who am I (besides a wife, man-pleasing sexual object, a mother" ?" ...would they be willing to be wife 62?  Would they give their young daughters up to be raped? Would they follow blindly this messenger...would they follow blindly their belief? Or would they shake their heads , as if waking up from a bad dream, and say "WT Front door was I thinking?" 

Hmm...

Now this cult thing is the extreme of what the mind can do and what following blindly our beliefs and the propagator of them can do. Yet...their is a lesson in there for all of us.  Our beliefs are just thoughts . Beliefs then are not more important than behaviour. They do not determine our goodness.  They can, in fact, get in the way of our goodness. Spirituality and true faith go beyond thought and conviction, to that goodness...that is unconditional, and not dependent on any validation from the likes of Warren Jeff. Teachers, of anything, messengers of any message...are just people with egos. Remember that!

  If we can't question our beliefs, look at them objectively and ask..."Is that true for me inside?  I mean should this belief dictate what I should do here?  Is there a better way?" or "Is this person I am listening to right?  Is he/she/they coming from a good place when he/she/they teach ?  Does he let me think for myself?  Is she adding fear to the  message?  How does their message resonate inside me? "... then there is a problem with how we believe.  We need to have the courage to reexamine it all: message and messenger; belief and believer

Oh my goodness...no more shows on cults for me for a long time lol.

Netflix (June, 2022) Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey 

Returning to Center

 That act of losing your center and then coming back again, over and over, is a deeply spiritual thing...it is the core of your practice.

Michael Singer 

Many great and wise beings , including Michael Singer, tell us that the true spiritual practice is not the meditation we do, the yoga we do, the mantras, the praying, the reading of scripture, the going to church or  temple  etc. True practice is the intention to remain in awareness for as long as we can.   

Huh?

Our Most Important Goal: Stay Centered or Return to Center ASAP

The true goal in Life is to remain centered and aware, in the seat of objective observation,  through what ever Life unfolds. If  you  truly want truth and peace, you need to constantly observe what goes on inside you. You need to notice when you are being pulled down and away from the present moment, when you are getting lost in the story that goes on in your head so you can bring yourself back to awareness of what is "really" going on here and now. It is not about fixing or changing anything "out there" so it doesn't disturb you.  In fact, it is not about what Life is doing, at all.  It is about how you are relating to Life.  

Fix Yourself 

If you truly want to grow, you need to change your attitude, not Life.  You need to not only stop blaming Life for not going your way, you need to stop having "a way".  In other words, stop preferring one thing over an other...stop liking and disliking; stop grasping for  what you tell yourself is pleasant and pushing away what you tell yourself is unpleasant ( only because of how they  touch or don't touch your stuff inside), while you ignore the billions of beautiful but neutral things. Stop looking at Life as if it  is some big dessert cart put together especially for you that you can pick and choose from. Life has little to do with you...the personalized version of you, that is.  It is not here to cater to your needs. If you are disturbed inside, as 99 percent of us are...it is not Life that is broken...it is you that is broken. Fix yourself!.

Sounds harsh I know.  I put all the "you" in there for a reason so it would have greater impact but "you", I must stress, are not alone in the need for this message.  99 percent of us are in need of that message to really sink in so we live by it. This version of Life I call "me" is in desperate need of that reminder every day, as well. 

How do you fix yourself?

Of course, I am going to suggest you  meditate.  It is a wonderful practice to create space between you and whatever is going on in your mind so you can observe it objectively.  I am going to suggest you listen to the great masters and read the great works of wisdom as well.  I am going to suggest you pray if that is meaningful for you, to go to church, temple or synagogue if that too has significance and brings you peace...but...the most important practice is something so practical and simple, it could easily be overlooked.  That is, go to the source of all your so called problems...the mind...and observe it, really observe it. And keep observing it, every moment of your day. 

Say what, crazy lady?

The Real Practice: Observing the Mind

You may come out of church feeling peaceful and centered and wonderful but just as you are about to  drive home  someone in the parking lot backs into you, doing  a lot of damage to the car you are so attached to...what happens to that peace then? Does it stay or does it go? 

Most of us are going to get pulled down into disturbance pretty fast, aren't we? We are going to find ourselves saying, "Oh No!" or a whole lot worse, while thoughts of "Oh my goodness we just had it painted, is my insurance card updated, what is wrong with these drivers?' flows through our head.  We will feel ourselves going from a state of shock, fear to anger.  Our blood pressure goes up, our face gets red, we feel a boulder in our gut as our hands go into tight little fists. We may go into automatic reactivity, jumping out of the car to confront the other driver. The point is...we are beginning or are already in full blown automatic reflex reactivity to what just happened. We are lost in our minds.  We lost our center! And if we are really off center we will carry this with us for days and months. 

Normal Isn't Necessarily Healthy

Now this is a  very normal, conditioned response.  You would get a lot of empathy and support from most others you tell about it,   I am sure. But "normal" doesn't mean healthy, does it? Normal...doesn't mean it is the most wholesome  approach for you.  Normal does not mean it is going to bring you closer to truth and peace.  Most normal reactions, I have learned, take us farther from peace rather than closer to it....unless...unless...you become aware enough to use it as part of your core practice. 

Huh?

Beyond the Obvious Practice

At that moment you are probably not going to run back into the church, kneel down and recite 100 Hail Mary's ( or whatever prayers or mantras go with your tradition).  You are probably not going to bend down to do the Sun Salutations or pop a squat on the pavement and go into some deep mantra focused meditation either.  Nor are you going to reach for one of those Holy Books you keep in your trunk for such occasions, and riffle  through it until you find some passage that applies to such situations.  No...it is going to be so in front of you you will have to deal with it in this moment. This moment then becomes the most important part of your spiritual practice. 

Michael Singer, in many of his podcasts,  tells us that it is much more important to understand what took us out of our peaceful, meditative, post church state than it is to know what will put us in it. Recognizing what is happening inside us, what changes are occurring in the mind that is taking us from or keeping us from peace is the most crucial thing.  We can only recognize that by turning our focus away from the life event and observing, objectively, what is going on inside. 

You have to remind yourself...though the mind and all those observers and listeners you tell your story to will be convinced otherwise...it was not the event, the person backing into your car that disturbed you.  It wasn't this event that unfolded in front of you.  It wasn't Life that pulled you away from the peace you were just experiencing. It was you!

You were already disturbed inside from years of conditioned and socially approved stuffing and storing, pushing away and grasping...and the fender bender just poked at the disturbed stuff already in you, agitating it.  It felt very uncomfortable to you...and your mind, doing what it is programmed to do,  told you you had to do something about it. So you got sucked into the conditioned and habitual way of thinking and reacting. You followed habitual mind away from center into condemnation, judgement, unhealthy perception, negativity and you got lost in it.  For  a moment, for an hour, for a few days, or a few years you  can be lost in this...believing erroneously that it was the event that was the cause of your disturbance, not the way you reacted to it. 

So what can you do here instead of react?

The Three B's

You can take a step back, mentally or physically, creating a bit of space between you and your mind's tendency to react in its habitual way.  You can breathe...centering yourself again in the place of spacious awareness, or "True Mind"  and you can begin again from there...objectively, without judgement of this incident being "good or bad", "right or wrong", "should be or shouldn't be".  Remind yourself that it was just one of the trillion events that could have unfolded in front of you. It just is. 

Relax your body, relax your mind and make a commitment to notice the event, allow and experience it and then release this event and all it brings with it.

Relax! Encourage your mind and body to soften, as strange it may seem to do this at a time like this.  The body and mind are conditioned for fight or flight but we don't need to give into primordial brain.  You  don't fight the stress response  or struggle against it...you  just relax into it.   You pause before acting. Breathe slowly and deliberately and  remind yourself...that you intend to stay conscious, calm and aware.  Peace is your goal

Notice! Stay aware...instead of slipping into the tendency to suppress, repress, resist, avoid, numb, push away this situation as the mind is conditioned to do when things are unpleasant or uncomfortable...notice what is happening.  Observe what is happening around you but more importantly observe what is happening in you.  Feel the shock...the heart racing, the heat in your face, the pressure in your chest, the way you are breathing.  Feel the anger if it is there and notice what the mind wants to do with that anger...notice the resistance, the judgement ...the pull towards reactivity if it is there. Don't follow it, just notice it. Just observe what the mind is saying, doing or wanting to do...just observe it objectively.

If you have already slipped into mental reactivity...just notice that you have and as soon as you notice that you have, you are no longer lost in reactivity because you are now observing it. Don't beat yourself up for it...just notice and with great compassion bring yourself out of the thought stream and back to the centered "True mind". 

Allow! Allow this to be what it is.  Like really, what are you going to do?  No amount of temper tantruming or praying is going to make what happened "unhappen".  It did.  It's done.  You have no choice but to allow, do you? Someone backed into your car.  It is as it is.  Let go of your resistance and those habitual tendencies that do not bring you to peace.  Accept and allow! 

Experience it! "Oh wow!  Look what Life just gave me!  This is new.  So this is what it feels like to have this happen. Wow! I will add this to my host of life experiences.  Cool!" I know that might seem strange but if we could remove "the pleasant and unpleasant"  from our life experiences , "the shouldn't be and the should"...we would have much more peace, wouldn't we?   If we could experience everything Life throws our way with awe, curiosity and wonder instead of labeling it as something that should be avoided or something that we should chase after...man we would be much happier wouldn't we? We are here to experience everything...10,000 joys and 10,000 sorrows. It is all amazing!

Release it! When the experience and the energy of the experience is ready to leave, as all things eventually are, just let it.  Let it go.  don't cling to it because it was something that your mind tells you you  could add to your list of grievances, your "Proof that Life is Out to Get Me List"....just let it go.  If you don't use mind to stop it...it will go. All things in this Life come and go...nothing is permanent. The paint job on the car you just had banged up is very temporal, as is the car. This experience is even more temporal. The person driving the car may not be here tomorrow. Heck, you may not be. All form, all events are impermanent waves flowing through you.  Cling to none of it, resist none of it ( which leads to a form of storing it inside) and like the beautiful wind outside my window right now, it will all blow right through.  Let it! 

Hmm!  That was a lot of learning and a lot of sharing for one day.  :)

All is well! 

Too many of Michael Singer's podcasts to cite

Freedom in the Seat of Objective Observation

 To understand oneself is to be aware of every thought and feeling without condemnation. When you condemn, you put a stop to your feelings and thoughts;but if you do not condemn, justify, or resist, then the content of your thought will reveal itself. Experiment and you will see. 

J. Krishnamurti

The Seat

Krishnamurti , a brilliant Indian philosopher, was big on encouraging everyone he spoke to, to maintain the seat of objective observation. By that he wanted us to remain centered and objective as we did the most spiritual and the most practical well being seeking thing we could ever do...observe our minds. This is what all the great masters tell us to do, do they not?  If we want liberation from our suffering, we need to go to the source of that suffering  and observe what is going on in there and then determine the roots of it. This mission we may or may not be on to "awaken" is not about stopping our thinking...we couldn't do that if we tried.  It is just about understanding Self.  If we want to understand Self or the No-self (if thinking in Buddhist terms)  we need to understand  all that is blocking the true flow of Self, of Shakti or Chi, of Life energy, through us which is often our thinking.  We need to understand what is causing the disturbance.  So we take our seat as the objective observer and we observe the mind.

Lost in Thought or Feeling?

Now, we cannot observe the mind if we are lost in the mind.  If we are so carried away by the story the mind is telling, if we see ourselves as characters in that story, we cannot "observe" it "objectively" without condemnation, justification or resistance, can we? If you get so caught up in thinking, in the disturbance and distraction the busy mind offers, you lose awareness that you are thinking.  If you lose awareness of thinking, you can not observe your thinking. (That goes for feeling too , of course, and for all the mental modifications as Patanjali referred to them as or the "mental formations" as the Buddha referred to them.) 

Being Aware You Are Thinking

The first step is always in coming to the realization that we were lost in thought or reactivity ( actually acting upon our thinking). "Oh my...I was really getting carried away there, thinking about that or doing that becasue I was feeling that or thinking about that." As soon as we have caught ourselves thinking we are the observer. We have stepped away from the thought stream and are now on the shore watching what is going on in it. 

The Stream

Michael Singer in his podcast ( linked below) gives us this analogy.  Imagine your Life was this amazing stream going from point A to the infinite Ocean...If we look at this as a spiritual path, without disturbance it will flow naturally and freely toward the Ocean...the Source of All...God.  If we look at it as a psychology or wellness path, without disturbance our minds  will always flow in the direction of peace, joy, happiness and Love.   But for most of us there is so much disturbance that getting to God, or peace seems almost impossible. 

What is causing the disturbance?

Singer gets us to imagine there are big rocks in this stream...the rocks block the flow, creating currents and eddies leading to disturbance. Now we can get so attracted to these rocks and this disturbance because it is all so big, noisy, loud and demanding, we can get sucked right in.  If fall into the thought stream, and if  we are fighting to survive in that stream, we are not in the seat of objective observation, in our calm center observing it.  We are likely condemning it and resisting it big time, right?  The thing is we need to get out of that stream, to separate ourselves from the pull of the current. And once out on shore we want to do our best to stay there...to maintain the seat of the objective observer. 

What are these rocks that we are so attracted to that cause disturbance?  

Those rocks are our thoughts, our beliefs, our feelings, our emotions, and our perceptions that we have stored inside us, that we cling to out of attachment and inadvertently out of our need to stuff down, suppress repress, avoid etc. .  Our tendencies to push away that which we feel increases the disturbance and our tendency to cling to that which we feel will allow us to float calmly in this stream just aggravate the water. The thing is we don't want to float calmly in this stream...we want to be out of it observing it as it flows through us. We do not want to condemn anything either...to judge it as bad, or wrong or shouldn't be.  When we do that we just increase the disturbance. Krishnamurti tells us that condemnation of our thought and feeling experience just make the rocks hide under the surface.  They are still there causing great disturbance but we cannot see them.    The Buddha would say that those rocks are our five hindrances: our desire, our aversion, our sloth and torpor, our worry and restlessness and our doubt.

What is the point, crazy lady?

Without these rocks there would be no disturbance.  The only thing holding us back from experiencing the peace that is the natural state of mind...the only thing keeping us from experiencing God which is the natural state of any spiritual evolution...  are these rocks, these mental modifications, these hindrances, this stored stuff.  We cannot remove them, however, if we cannot see them. Until we are willing to look deeply into the mind as the source of our so called suffering, our steams will constantly be disturbed.  And if we do get to the point we are  able to observe  each moment but we are doing so with judgement, condemnation for what Life has given us, with resistance to what is...and that includes these feelings and thoughts we have stored...we will never see clearly.  

Release and relax, let go of condemnation and a need for things to be a certain way...and the rocks reveal themselves.  We see clearly and can get to the root of our suffering.

Once the rocks are removed the stream goes back to its natural peaceful flow and we observe it as it flows through us and to the Source of all things.    This is true healing.  This is true freedom! 

All is well! 

Michael Singer Podcast (July, 2021 ) Doing the Real Work to Free Yourself. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDp9I9qwjrQ

D Day and Uncle Harold

 

Harold, to his brothers

 

 

For my uncle Harold, who lost his life on June 6, 1944 on the beaches of Normandy.

 

Remember me,

not in my uniform of grey,

 dog tags dangling from my neck,

but with my ball cap placed 

a little to the side,

my well worn glove out stretched

as I leaned over waiting 

 for the ball to come

in my direction.

 

Remember me,

not in a polished stone of white,

sitting amongst so many,

inanimate and lifeless,

but in my laughter,

my twinkling blue eyes

and my smiling

red cheeked face

as I lived and breathed 

along with you.

 

Remember me,

not  in the stories you

have been told 

of my bravery and courage,

the words typed so coldly in textbooks,

but in who I really was :

a young man, 

panic racing  in my heart

 as I stumbled, 

with all the terrified others,

 from that boat

that fateful morning.

 

Remember me,

not in the images of how I lay when

our  brother found me,

but in how I ran bare foot

through the tall grass as

my dog Skip and all of you  

ran along by my side.

 

Remember me,

not in images of how my life 

was taken from me

for the sake of glory and freedom 

for those I left behind,

but in how  I was before that awful day

that haunts the world still.

 

Remember me,

 in how I lived

and how I  laughed

and how I loved

not in how I died.

Remember me 

not as an idea,

forever laminated,

in some photograph

but as a real 

human being.

 

Remember me.

 

 

Dale-Lyn November 11, 2014

 

The Space Between

 

Between two thoughts try to be alert; look into the interval, the space in between. You will see no mind; that is your nature.  For thoughts come and go-they are accidental-but the inner space  always remains. Clouds gather and go, disappear-they are accidental-but the sky remains. You are the sky.

Rajneesh

(I had some reservation using this quote because of the author .   Rajneesh is OSHO...you may have watched Wild Country on Netflix about his movement.  I made a strong personal judgement about him and his movement after watching that series and doing my own research. Whether it is wholesome and skillful or not, that judgement is inside me.  My gut actually gets activated at the sound of his name. I react.  But...in my quest for wisdom, when I hear something wise that resonates inside me, I separate message from messenger. As a human being he may have been deeply flawed;  as a messenger he was dangerous and very unconscious in his desire to use wisdom and the devotion from others  to gain wealth and power but this part of his message [which never did belong to him-coming from ancient teachings he just happened to use]  is not contaminated by that unconsciousness. So I use this quote.) 

Anyway....

Well zero readers again today, according to the stats and truly it is all good. I will just keep going as I am called to do.  

I want to talk just a bit about the space between our thoughts, "The Gap" as Wayne Dyer referred to it  in his book with the same name. As we are doing our mindfulness checks, especially as we become more advanced in our observing ability, we want to be able to observe that spacious but alert stillness that occurs in the mind between thoughts.  We can practice this by listening to someone speak with our eyes closed and just really listen .  If we are really listening from a place of presence our own thoughts will be at a minimum as we absorb the words of the speaker.  Even more cool is when we can actually feel and be aware of their pauses in speech, making that our true mindfulness focus.

I notice ,as I do this exercise, I often hear a resonance or an echo in my psyche after the last word is spoken and before the next word is uttered. It is like my mind is repeating what was just said.  That's okay, I tell myself, this thought is not mine, it is not here and now...what I am hearing is just a trailing reverberation of what was said. It is like the wake of a boat that has nothing to do with the movement of the boat forward, so I couldn't follow it if I wanted to.  I can observe it knowing the insignificance of it. I know that it too will pass and it does before there is silence again. There is a beautiful silent  pause before the next word is uttered and another thought is heard. 

You can try this listening-to-the-gap-exercise  with this little meditation from Eckhart Tolle if you want to.  He has a lot of pauses in his speech and it is a great practice.  Not only do you gain the gems of  conceptual wisdom  from paying attention to what is said, you gain an even deeper  wisdom from observing the pauses in the speech.  In these pause you observe the unconditioned dimension of consciousness. . . you observe the cloudless sky.

Pretty powerful stuff.

All is well in my world.

Eckhart Tolle ( June 4, 2022) Discovering the Unconditioned: A 20 Minute Meditation with Eckhart. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lg4zjh6bhCQ

Mindfulness Check: Is Your Mind Elsewhere

 If the mind is elsewhere the taste of  food that is eaten is not experienced; if the mind is elsewhere we do not see what is in front of us.

Deepak Chopra on the Vasisthas (The Secrets of Healing, Spotify) 

How much of your food do you truly taste? And how much of the world in front of you do you truly see?  How mindful are you?  How  present are you in this here and now? 

Is Your Mind Else Where

If I could put you on pause right now with some special remote control and got you to observe on some multi sensory screen your experience in that moment on pause, how would you  answer these questions without thinking too much about it, I wonder :

• Where are you and what are you observing and experiencing here in this very moment?
• What are you visually noticing around you in regards to light, colour, spaciousness? Is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral to your senses?
• What is directly in front of you? What is the colour, shape, visual texture of that "thing"? Is the experience of looking at it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral to your senses? 
• Is there anyone around you?  If so, how physically close to you are they?  Can you sense if their visual presence is neutral, pleasant or unpleasant? 
• What are you hearing?  Can you notice any noise in the background? Is it pleasant, unpleasant or unpleasant? Any sounds in your near vicinity? Pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral? 
• Can you hear your own body?  The crinkle of hair over your ear? Your breath? Your heart beat? 
•  If you were just speaking before I paused you, what did your voice sound like? If there are ppl around and they are speaking , without concern for what they are saying, how does their voice sound?  Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• What are you smelling?  Notice all smells around you? Nature smells? Body smells? Artificial smells and toxins? etc Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• What about touch sensation?  Reach out to that thing in front of you and that person near you...remember they are on pause too so its okay lol? What does it feel like to touch it? Cool or warm? Soft or hard? Any other textures?  Now is it pleasant, neutral or unpleasant?
• Can you taste anything right now?  Have you just taken a bite of something or can you get something from the air around you ...what is that experience like for you?  Salty? Sweet? Bitter or sour? Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• What are you doing?
• Is this activity something that requires effort or non effort? Speed or slowness? Tension of muscles or stretching of muscles? Are you working alone on this task or with others? If others are involved how do you work together? How do you need each other to get this task done? Is it a  neutral, pleasant or unpleasant experience ? 
• What time of day is it? (Without looking at a clock...is it morning, afternoon or evening) ? 
• Let's get back to body:   How does your body feel in general? Energetic, awake, sleepy, drowsy or tired?   Any tension anywhere?  Where? Any softness anywhere?  Where? Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• What is your posture like?  Are you sitting, standing or lying down? Are you leaning forward, making yourself small  or are you  tall and expansive?  Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• If you were using your hands: what hand were you using or what hand was doing most of the work?  What is the other hand doing? Are your fists opened or closed? Can you feel any sensations in your palms?
• Check in with your jaw, your brows, your eyes. How does the jaw feel...is it clenched or relaxed?Are you furrowing your brow or is it relaxed?  Squinting your eyes or are they relaxed?  Is the felt experience here  pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• Are you smiling, frowning or is your mouth neutral?  Is this pleasant, unpleasant or neutral ? 
• Where are your feet? Are they making contact with the earth...if so where and how?...Check to see how that feels.  Is it pleasant, unpleasant or neutral?  
• Now if you are standing or walking when I paused you, were both feet on the ground or was one in the air...feel that foot in the air and the foot on the ground.  Pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• If you are sitting or lying down, what parts of your body are making contact with a surface?  How does that feel? 
• Can you feel your breath? Were you on an exhale or an inhale when I paused you?  Was your belly and chest expanded or contracted? 
• What were you thinking? What thoughts were in your head just as I paused you?  Were they present focused on what you were doing? Or were they unrelated to what was going on in this moment?  Were they future or past focused? Were they perceived as  pleasant, unpleasant or neutral?
• What other mental modifications were going on in that head of yours? Any emotions? Can you name them quickly?  Were they pleasant , unpleasant or neutral?
• Were your reacting as a consequence of these emotions and thoughts? Maybe feeling that reaction in body as a tightness in belly or a clenching of fists or a tensing up of other muscles?  Maybe feeling a need to act and you were making plans to or moving into automatic body movements in order to do so? Maybe you said something or were about to say something in response? Maybe you were using or about to use  one of the habitual defense mechanisms...pushing down and trying to quickly distract , diminishing with more thought, denying and avoiding with more  thought, or activity etc? Maybe you were thinking about how you could fix this moment and make it better or how you could get to the next moment where you convinced yourself that  things would be better?  Or maybe you were trying to figure out how you could make this one last?  Was/is  this  a pleasant, unpleasant or neutral thought experience to your psyche? 
• Lets get back to breath both to observe and anchor.  Is your in- breath shallow or deep?  Long or short? Can you feel the air coming in through your nostrils? Which nostril is dominate? Can you feel your whole chest expanding , your belly expanded?  Does it feel like the air is going in all the way or is it getting stuck somewhere?  Feel those muscles in your chest, diaphragm, shoulders and back ?  Are they moving smoothly with every in breath or does it feel awkward? Is the rest of your body tensing with the in breath or softening and relaxing? Are you forcing the in breath or letting it come naturally?  Is the in breath pleasant, unpleasant or neutral?  
•  Did you notice a pause after the in breath? How did it feel? 
• What about the out-breath?  Is it deep or shallow? Long or short?Can you feel the belly, then the chest softening and releasing on the exhale.  Can you feel the air leaving your nostrils?  Which one seems dominate? What about those accessory muscles ...are they moving smoothly or awkwardly? Is your body tensing or relaxing with the out-breath? Are you forcing in anyway or is the breath natural and effortless?  Is the out breath pleasant, unpleasant or neutral? 
• Did you notice a pause after the out-breath? How did it feel?

Now you have completed your mindfulness check? I bet that when you were doing whatever it was you were doing you were not aware of many of these points I asked you to check, right?  You may have been aware of what you were thinking but that thinking probably seemed like your entire reality at the time and everything else about this moment I paused you in was not experienced by you ( unless it was very pleasant or unpleasant, that is).  You more than likely were not aware that you were thinking and that that thinking was taking you away from your moment experience until you paused to check. 

If that is the case, don't beat yourself up.  That is the case for most of us.  Being mindful and staying mindful is not as easy as it looks.  It requires so much practice.  If  we all had remote controls that paused us several times a day so we could ask ourselves these questions as we observed ourselves on pause,  it would be a lot easier to learn this wonderful tool for living. But atlas...there is no such thing. In the courses I am  taken there was provided for study a research article where an app was used on the phones of  15,000 participants in a study to get them to pause several times a day in order to do a much less detailed mindfulness check in order to assess the effect such mindfulness checks had on stress reduction and life satisfaction.  Well obviously the results indicated that that the apps were very good in reducing stress and improving one's satisfaction with life.  Such apps would be very beneficial but really we don't need an app.  Do we? We just need to get in the habit of ,at least once an hour, checking in with ourselves.   The more we do these mindfulness checks, the more mindful we become and the less we need to check in. 

Hmm  Something to think about.

All is well! 

(I will link the article at a later date) 

Honoring the Disturbed Feelings

 Only by joy and sorrow does one know anything about themselves and their destiny. They know what to do and what to avoid.

Goethe

I came here to write after listening to the below podacst.  I looked down at my notes and just wanted them and the direct quotes to  do the teaching. So here they are

Quotes from Michael Singer (Some may be somewhat paraphrased)

The Earth is the place where the soul is sent to evolve. 

The world is your teacher and it is all just one big spiritual practice.

Everyone of you have just the right Life needed to take you to God.

Life is not bothering you-you are bothering yourself about Life.

Everything that seems to  happen to you, is "just an event in the universe."

There are no good or bad experiences, just experience. 

Life is vibrating in front of us.  Some vibrations are nicer than others, but all are just vibrations.  They are not always comfortable- so what? 

Let it come in and let it go.

Can't resist the event ( it has already happened) but you can resist awareness of the experience.  The energy of the experience, however, does not go away. It can get stuck inside of us as a samskara.

The meaning of Life is Life.

If I was okay inside I would honor and appreciate every single Life experience that unfolded in front of me. 

I am a greater being because of each experience.

The world unfolds, we just experience it. 

Life is neither for you or against you-it is just unfolding in front of you.

Your consciousness is a ray of Light from the sun.

Every second of your Life, you have an opportunity to go to God. 

We need , at some point on this crazy ride, to stop pushing away that which we fear will bother us; stop blaming Life and the outside world for making us a mess inside and just open our hearts and arms to what ever She (Life) gives us.  Life didn't make a mess inside, we did.  When we finally get around to cleaning out that mess, we will feel so much peace.  Hmm! Please listen!

All is well! 

Michael Singer Podcast ( July, 2021) Giving meaning to the time between your birth and your death https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GgNZs6_GmQs