It is lovely out there. Every morning there is a little more light at this time...a reminder that spring is coming. Everything seems so still. Picture perfect.
I slept so much this weekend...well until last night...ugh!!! oh well...I did get more rest. I did. I think I am somewhat ready to face the busy week ahead. I need to really slow it down though. Since the ER visit I have been noticing that it takes even less to make me feel funny...weak especially and though I haven't had to take nitro because every little bit of discomfort I had since then went away with rest...it is definitely still there. Amazingly my pulse is still up and I am assuming my BP is too. That is really good! Even before I went to bed my pulse was above 50. Still, I need to take it as easy as possible. I am going into work to finish off this busy week...it is the end of term for my patho class and there is no way someone else could come in at this point and evaluate the final projects or write the final exam. I need to do that...as well as finish off the marking in other courses. I will get everything up to date as much as possible just in case my energy depletes to the point of me having to leave prior to Friday. Then I will need to think seriously about devoting myself to rest. I can't fall a part at this point...things are really just beginning for my sister and my kids...my kids, my kids need me well right now. I will get through this...we all will. As it is meant to be.
Worried about A. He is so busy looking after me , he isn't looking after himself and he is in another flare up. We make a great pair.
Sister still hasn't gone down to Moncton yet. I didn't get into see her yesterday. I really needed to sleep...that is all I seemed to do yesterday.
All is well. All is as it should be.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Friday, July 17, 2009
only 2 fish and five loaves
Every morning I read the daily entry from Sarah Ban Breathnach's devotional, "Simple Abundance". Today's entry touched a core in me. She wrote about the parable in the gospel about how Jesus, despite his disciples disbelief, fed the hungry crowd with only 2 fish and five loaves of bread. She used this example to speak further on abundance consciousness....or should I say...our lack of it.
Many of us, like the disciples, really need to work on our faith...our faith that life will provide what is needed and then some if only we believe that it will. We tend to focus on the discrepencies in status among us...we see that many have and many have not. I often wondered why some were inflicted with so much suffering...hunger...so to speak and others seem to have so much of the "good stuff". Circumstances and spiritual motives do differ from person to person but I am starting to believe how we react to those circumstances, determine whether or not we will be able to turn the limited amount we have into something that will feed our selves and others, with 12 baskets left over. It is simple belief in the abundance of our equal opportunity universe that will save us from our hunger. There is plenty for all.
The thing that holds us back from tapping into this plenty is our "we are limited" consciousness, our sense that unlike our wealthy neighbor , we are not quite worthy of such riches... or our belief that he is taking it all and leaving nothing for us...In truth, there is plenty for all. We just shut the door on that plenty with our negative thinking.
I do believe we can intend and manifest what we need from life..."ask and you shall receive." ...but we don't ask. It's like the child, wanting extra privileges saying to their friend. "No I didn't bother asking because I knew Mom would just say no. " So many of us believe that the universe will just say no to our requests so we don't even bother asking for what we want...we settle for living limited lives.
I have a daughter who just can not get the concept of "No" into her head. She will persistently ask for privileges that I definitely want to say no to because often even the notion of her request may seem absurd...but because of the way she asks, so convincing of how she deserves to have a certain thing or do a certain something that I find it extremely hard to refuse her. She actually sees herself in that situation she is asking permission to be in...despite the improbablility or challenge of it, she has it all worked out in her head. If it is a something she wants...she will lay out pictures of the items around the house as she continues to ask me and visualize herself using those things. You know what...she usually ends up with those things if not from me , coincidentally obtaining them in some other way. She truly believes all things are possible and lives in a limitless world. Abundance therefor comes to her.
I also have a son who "doesn't try hard" at things because he believes that he will not get what he wants, be as good as he wants or as good as his buddies. He asks for little and when he does ask he is usually very accepting of my "no"s...a little too accepting maybe. Unlike his sister, he limits his world of possibilities.
I mean I would really love it at times if my daughter were less persistent and I am thankful that my son does have a practical mind and accepts my refusals in some cases....but I also see how they could truly learn from each other.
Life is abundant and full, offering enough for everyone. We just need to believe that. We need to first recognize and appreciate what we do have. If there are times, however when it just doesn't feel like enough, we can reach out our hands to the universe and do as Oliver Twist did. We can say, "more please." Who knows, we just may just get an extra scoop of the that thing we are looking for.
Many of us, like the disciples, really need to work on our faith...our faith that life will provide what is needed and then some if only we believe that it will. We tend to focus on the discrepencies in status among us...we see that many have and many have not. I often wondered why some were inflicted with so much suffering...hunger...so to speak and others seem to have so much of the "good stuff". Circumstances and spiritual motives do differ from person to person but I am starting to believe how we react to those circumstances, determine whether or not we will be able to turn the limited amount we have into something that will feed our selves and others, with 12 baskets left over. It is simple belief in the abundance of our equal opportunity universe that will save us from our hunger. There is plenty for all.
The thing that holds us back from tapping into this plenty is our "we are limited" consciousness, our sense that unlike our wealthy neighbor , we are not quite worthy of such riches... or our belief that he is taking it all and leaving nothing for us...In truth, there is plenty for all. We just shut the door on that plenty with our negative thinking.
I do believe we can intend and manifest what we need from life..."ask and you shall receive." ...but we don't ask. It's like the child, wanting extra privileges saying to their friend. "No I didn't bother asking because I knew Mom would just say no. " So many of us believe that the universe will just say no to our requests so we don't even bother asking for what we want...we settle for living limited lives.
I have a daughter who just can not get the concept of "No" into her head. She will persistently ask for privileges that I definitely want to say no to because often even the notion of her request may seem absurd...but because of the way she asks, so convincing of how she deserves to have a certain thing or do a certain something that I find it extremely hard to refuse her. She actually sees herself in that situation she is asking permission to be in...despite the improbablility or challenge of it, she has it all worked out in her head. If it is a something she wants...she will lay out pictures of the items around the house as she continues to ask me and visualize herself using those things. You know what...she usually ends up with those things if not from me , coincidentally obtaining them in some other way. She truly believes all things are possible and lives in a limitless world. Abundance therefor comes to her.
I also have a son who "doesn't try hard" at things because he believes that he will not get what he wants, be as good as he wants or as good as his buddies. He asks for little and when he does ask he is usually very accepting of my "no"s...a little too accepting maybe. Unlike his sister, he limits his world of possibilities.
I mean I would really love it at times if my daughter were less persistent and I am thankful that my son does have a practical mind and accepts my refusals in some cases....but I also see how they could truly learn from each other.
Life is abundant and full, offering enough for everyone. We just need to believe that. We need to first recognize and appreciate what we do have. If there are times, however when it just doesn't feel like enough, we can reach out our hands to the universe and do as Oliver Twist did. We can say, "more please." Who knows, we just may just get an extra scoop of the that thing we are looking for.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
For the sake of writing
Wow! I first learned the joy of blogging on an on-line dating site a few months ago. I went onto the sight to explore dating options a year after my divorce and discovered another love interest instead...a medium for my writing. I since left the site, taking not a date but a new route of expression with me...the blog. So here I am amongst the blank page and type characters, breathing in a big sigh of relief (the kind of breath one inhales upon finding themself home! )
I don't know who is out there. I don't know who will read what I write, if anyone, but like all writers I write for the intended reader without ever fully being able to comprehend who they are. I may never know why they are skimming past my words rather than all the other writer's words they could be reading at that moment. I may never know what they look like, how they feel inside when they begin to read, how they feel inside after they read. I may never know if they have to strain to read my words or if my sentences slide into their grey matter with ease. I may never know if they are alone, if they have families, if they are single or married. I may never know their age or their background. And I may never know the circumstances of their lives, where they are at that exact moment they begin to read my words. What I do know, however, is that they don't know me. I am some stranger who is suddenly on their screen passing on my version of life as I see it. hmmm! What is the purpose of all this?
Simple really, I guess...human connection. I have something I want to give and maybe , just maybe there is someone out there in need of that something. I am not the best writer in the world...far, far from it...but I am a writer. Anyway you slice it and no matter how I try to escape that incessant calling by slipping into other ( much better paying) roles...I am a writer. So to the words I must surrender and do what I am meant to do (how is that for dramatic?) Maybe, just maybe,hidden in my words, there is something someone else out there needs. Maybe I am helping to make the world just a tiny bit smaller by connecting to someone. Heck, maybe I just write for the big fat ego reasons Tolle describes in his book... for reasons that take me further from peace rather than closer to it (I don't think so though). Or maybe I simply write for the sake of writing. Who knows?
So often I feel all this is bigger than me and I am just going along for the ride. I am afterall...just writing.
So here I am:
44year old fun loving divorcee seeking....a reader.
Dale-lyn
I don't know who is out there. I don't know who will read what I write, if anyone, but like all writers I write for the intended reader without ever fully being able to comprehend who they are. I may never know why they are skimming past my words rather than all the other writer's words they could be reading at that moment. I may never know what they look like, how they feel inside when they begin to read, how they feel inside after they read. I may never know if they have to strain to read my words or if my sentences slide into their grey matter with ease. I may never know if they are alone, if they have families, if they are single or married. I may never know their age or their background. And I may never know the circumstances of their lives, where they are at that exact moment they begin to read my words. What I do know, however, is that they don't know me. I am some stranger who is suddenly on their screen passing on my version of life as I see it. hmmm! What is the purpose of all this?
Simple really, I guess...human connection. I have something I want to give and maybe , just maybe there is someone out there in need of that something. I am not the best writer in the world...far, far from it...but I am a writer. Anyway you slice it and no matter how I try to escape that incessant calling by slipping into other ( much better paying) roles...I am a writer. So to the words I must surrender and do what I am meant to do (how is that for dramatic?) Maybe, just maybe,hidden in my words, there is something someone else out there needs. Maybe I am helping to make the world just a tiny bit smaller by connecting to someone. Heck, maybe I just write for the big fat ego reasons Tolle describes in his book... for reasons that take me further from peace rather than closer to it (I don't think so though). Or maybe I simply write for the sake of writing. Who knows?
So often I feel all this is bigger than me and I am just going along for the ride. I am afterall...just writing.
So here I am:
44year old fun loving divorcee seeking....a reader.
Dale-lyn
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