The Painful Shedding Away of Ego

 You are not suppose to love yourself until you do.

Byron Katie

I set out to know and love Self. I know now what is in the way and what I want and don't want. 

I don't want this me inflated by the happenings of life ...exalted by praise, and false confidence

I don't want this me deflated by the happenings of life...crushed by aversity, and negative opinion, 

For not only, am I not the happenings in this Life, I am not the "me" who gets inflated or deflated by these happenings. I am not this personality encased in a body that seems so seperate, so dependent on the opinion of others and how it appears in this ever changing world.  

I am not that which cringes in shame when things done are not enough. When words said are not received well...when gestures of kindness are dimissed or ignored. I am not that which is judged by other opinion, not appreciated or ignored.

I am not that which puffs itself up in a time of crisis to appear bigger than it is, or that which will stick its nose in the air as it lists its accoplishments to anyone who will listen...just so it doesn't have to hear its own pathetic messages of unworthiness. 

I am not ego. I am not good.  I am not bad.  I am not someone to be admired or someone to be rejected. I am not someone to be liked or someone to be disliked.  I am not my pride and I am not my shame or my fear.

I am the soul of perfect authenticity, equanimity, and humility that exists beneath the many, many layers of a personality that is forever exhausting itself in an attempt to bring itself up when it is down  and down when it is up too high. These layers are in the way of me experiencing Who I Am.  I want to expereince the free flow of Who I am. I no longer wish to be made small by my shame and my fear.  I no longer wish to be falsely made bigger by my pride and my redemption tendencies. I want these layers gone.  I want to be Who I am.

Oh...but what a painful and confusing process this shedding and tearing away is. 

It wasn't fear holding me back.

Hmm! I realized why I haven't been picking up calls for work.  It wasn't the avoidance tendency that comes with anxiety and fear holding me back, like I feared it might be.  I had to find out for sure.  I couldn't continue to not take calls because of fear. I don't want to avoid my life. I was so glad to discover, then that it wasn't avoidance but an inner knowing about how painful it will be. 

I worked yesterday, just a few hours, and I had the same internal experience of overwhelming exposure I had the last time I worked months ago.  I knew if it was anxiety or fear facing the situation was the only way to conquer it. I discovered, however, that I was not anxious or fearful when I got there...I was simply too exposed to all the energy around me. I suck it all in without noticing until the end of my experience...that is when I tend to feel very unsettled...when I realize I am not thinking clearly. My nervous system doesn't know how to handle it anymore...how to filter, select and organize the stimuli coming in. I am open to it all. So, everything comes in...I pick it all up...what I am seeing, what I am hearing, what I am smelling, tasting, touching...and most importantly what I am feeling...so, so many feelings that aren't mine. Allowing it all in is difficult because I am so raw...clinging to the tattered and shattered shells of a crumbling ego and its shaming and redeeming tendencies like they were scraps of tattered fabric blowing behind me. Without the protection of these layers, I tend to pick up everything from an external environment and I have no place to put it...I have no paradigm to stuff and store it in any more. And at the same time I see so clearly...the ego that remains still looking for others to tell it is okay...when it doesn't get what it wants,  it begins to puff itself up and internally redeems itself by listing all its accomplishments and why it deserves to be here. I see what it is doing while I am taking in all the stimuli around me and I don't like it.  I walk away from the harmless situation feeling like a magnet that just walked through a scrap metal yard...so much is sticking to me....all while I drag even less of thes protective layers I was identified as with me.  It is very unsettling. It will take days for me to get all the stuff I picked up off...to regain my balance...just from a few hours of such exposure. It's crazy. But it is very real.

Is this a normal part of the waking up process?

Well intuitively I know it must be. My heart was protecting me here by preventing me from accepting calls, ....even when my ego was protesting and shaming me for it.  It knew I was at a very fragile and vulnerable stage of this process even when I, as the "me", didn't.  It was no longer trying to protect body and personality...it was trying to protect the vulnerable part of my connection to a higher Self as it emerged through the shattering of ego defences. This is why I so need the healing safety of solitude these days.  Not because I am running away from Life but because I am preparing myself to jump back in it as the most authentic Self.  I am caught somewhere between the dying part and the newborn part of "Die to be reborn" ...I am still dying and at the same time I am coming to Life in a new way.  Bizarre really. 

Wow, it is so great to have that realization. That my retreating back into solitude might be for a higher reason than just fear based avoidance.  I am growing.  I am expanding.  And I also know, that though it is very, very confusing and uncomfortable to put this human through the exposure I put it through yesterday...if doing so is helping the "me" to die quicker, helping shed the remains of ego ...then yeah....maybe I should continue to expose myself a bit.  I can handle that discomfort. I think. Well, maybe I need to do it slowly and gently with a great deal of compassion for this human I still call me.

All is well.

Jumping Back and Forth Between Mountain Paths

 

There are hundreds of paths up the mountain, all leading to the top, so it doesn't matter which path you take. The only ones wasting time are those who run in circles around the mountain, telling others their path is wrong.

Hindu proverb

It is snowing today...we had what seemed like a world awake and stretching into spring and now we have a world that seems to have fallen back to winter sleep. Is this not the way of Life? I know it is the way of human consciousness. It is very, very hard, I am discovering to stay awake.  :) 

In an attempt to wake up more and to stay awake I started studying and practicing  QiGong or Chi Kung...however you wish to label it. In the same sense I am studying yogic purification and shakti release. They are ultimately practices doing the same thing, just with different names with different cultural influences. Seemingly different (but very, very parallel) paths to the same destination. 

All is well. 

Something Sweet In Sadness

 Something sweet can be found in sadness, a soft melancholy whisper that breathes life into a withering soul...filling the void where apathy once sat.

Me

I wrote that line decades ago in a poem I remember only vaguely.  Though I didn't understand them completely until recently, those words from that poem have haunted me since I first allowed them to come through onto the page. They were meant for me more than anything else, I now believe. A message from my soul to my soul. 

So, so many false layers of story, protection and image we wear over our life spans...so many pseudo feelings hiding the real feelings needing to be expressed. We truly do not understand the felt experience of honest sadness until we can experience it without the narrative, the history, the causation focus, the layers of numbing filtering, and the "me" of it. We need to tap into it as it is. 

Hmm! As I look out at both the beauty of this life and the difficulty, I feel real sadness in little spurts...in behind my eyes trickling down in tiny streams of felt experience or bubbling up behind the gate of my mind waiting patiently for the okay to flow more freely. I look forward to that authentic, unrestricted flow for I know, unlike all the contaminated by "me" sadness I might have experienced to date, this stuff will be real and cleansing. It will breathe Life back into the soul ego tried to bury under all this human drama. It will pump up the space that has been for too long cut off with some honest emotion. I will finally feel it and experience it fully. I will feel and experience the actuality of Life.

Maybe sadness is one of the first emotions we need to tap into as we shed our layers and confront and embrace our unprotected cores. There is so much suffering in the world and there is so much awesome beauty and mystery.  To be open to all of  it, is going to lead to sadness at times...sweet, sweet, beautiful sadness. 

All is well.

The Commonality of Psychology, Spirituality and Physiology

 All change happens when we see ourselves from the grounded state of presence...

Dr. Nicole LaPera

I like to find the commonality of psychology, spirituality and science (physiology) and merge them together for a better understanding of the effects of wounding and the route to lasting healing.   

I believe they all point to the same thing...Life does what it does offering a host of different sensations.  We have all these experiences. Some of them beautiful and others very difficult. If the experiences were very challenging for our nervous systems to cope with...we store them in our bodies and minds. They become, what a yogi would call a "samskara" and what a psychologist would call a repressed emotional pattern and what a physiologist would call an energy blockage or disease. 

They also all point to the fact that we need first of all to become aware of how these stuffed and stored energies are determining our lives.  Even though most of these samskaras were created before the age of 7 with our childhood programming....most of our core beliefs about our worthiness, the safety of the world, or our place in it...they will determine our lives until we wake up to them.  Our programming determines the personalities we create and how we experience life. 

We need to look at the life patterns in our adult life and see how they relate to what we stuffed and stored, our childhood wounding that we spend our lives running from by creating personalities and actions  that diminish the negative experience of the messaging that keeps coming up.

We need to be willing to spend time alone exploring these patterns and releasing the samskaras so the energy of who we are can flow through. We check in with the body several times a day to see where these samskaras are stored and begin encouraging the body to relax so they can begin to release. We explore the mind and its connection to our life experience. ...accepting and letting go of what does not serve. 

We watch and train ourselves through the life triggers we are given. We go from reacting to responding in a healthy way.

We still act but we do not react based on that stuff we have stored in there.

Michael A. Singer

So many tools for understanding and healing in both of the below podcasts. Please have a listen

Andre Duqum ( March, 2026) What your Childhood Home Did to Your Nervous System/ Dr. Nicole LaPera. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BlpyzG5vV_o&t=3015s

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Spunds True ( March 23, 2026) The Clouds that Block teh Inner Sun. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZX0do-ToHI

In the Middle of a Swinging Pendulum's Arc

 

 When you know that bad things aren't so terrible, and good things aren't so terrific, you can be quietly grateful for whatever occurs. Balance is neither pessimism or optimism.

John F. Demartini

I came across this entry from several years ago when I was checking to see what was read in the last 24 hours. I played with it a bit. This seems to echo this question I have been asked to answer, "Is Life worth living?"

Even in challenging times Life is worth living...because though our focus too often may be a bit askew and aimed only on one side of a swinging pendulum ...the actuality of Life is perfect just as it is. With its challenges and its blessings, its high moments and its low, its beauty and its ugliness, its ten thousand joys and its ten thousand sorrows, Life is amazing.  It is never all wrong or bad or difficult, nor is it ever all blessing and ease. It is just our perspective that makes it so.  

We need to find the balanced middle way between the negative and the positive dualities. We need to make it a point to view Life where it is meant to be experienced...in the middle aspect of a swinging pendulum. 

On This Day

On this day, the beginning of my 58th year, I celebrate in the only way I like to celebrate milestones of passing time.

I come here. 

I sneak out of an overcrowded bed to another crowded spot, my dining room table which is now my writing space. 

I seek solitude and solace here while all those, who tend to demand so much of my time, my space, my energy are still in bed.  

I need to be alone with my tea and my furry friends, if they care to join me, but alas, they are too lazy and sleep in this morning. 

As I settle into the chair rolled in from my office, I do my best to ignore the books piled high on this makeshift desk, the pages and pages of notes scribbled...yes... literally scribbled onto notebooks and loose pages...notes I intend to get to someday in my many, many yet to be complete writing projects. 

The mass of wires necessary for me to transfer thoughts and images onto this machine are tangled around my feet, while the somewhat neglected cameras and photography equipment awkwardly clump together for comfort, collecting dust, on top of the hutch, a place they don't belong.  

A plaque from the college I used to teach at, sitting on my table, recently opened and hurriedly removed from the Purolator package it came in yesterday, claims my reluctant attention. 

It was a birthday surprise, I suppose, saluting many years of service when I retired.  Two years ago, thinking it would be best for all, I snuck my misbehaving body out the back door of that world I loved so much. I now run my fingers over the smooth glass surface of the framed certificate. I didn't think anyone had noticed.

The gratitude journal I write in every morning, from a thoughtful friend, given to me on my birthday four years ago, is open and I can see the scribbly writing, today's entry, that reads, "Thanks for 58 years of Life" .

That is not just a platitude. I do feel grateful, like I accomplished something. I have made it, after all, to the lines at the bottom of the pages...the last year of open entries waiting to be filled. And I know, somehow, that means something.

I can hear the faucet from the messy  kitchen dripping. It has to be replaced but I know that won't get done anytime soon. I can't afford a plumber or a faucet and wait for others who are so busy doing their things to do what they cheerfully say they will do.   

I Sigh.

I should worry more about the roof. It is leaking. There are big brown circles on my ceiling tile.

I drop my eyes, telling myself, that on this day, the beginning of my 58th year...I will not look up.

I look down to see a very red pinky finger, busy keeping up with the others dancing along the keys. It is three times bigger than my other pinky. I let an infection I got from the tiniest of openings over a week ago, go too long. This little finger just didn't seem as important as all the other things I had on my plate so I convinced myself ...it would go away.

It didn't.

I will probably need antibiotics which sounds like overkill, I know...but it is the course of treatment for such things. That means seeking medical attention, the mere thought of  which opens a Pandora's box of stuffed shame and pain that I would rather keep hidden away in my psyche. 

I tell myself, though on this day...the beginning of my 58th year, I will not look down. 

Instead, I look out the windows that surround me.  The blue sky warms me...well not "me" intentionally. It does not know this "me"...a tiny, tiny speck so far from its massive center, and does not single this "me" out. It is generous and giving to all. It warms everything it touches ...with such loving, accepting arms. Understanding in some way I can't explain that this "me" that now feels its warmth is a small but significant part of that everything...

I relax into its embrace. When I do I hear the most beautiful music of robin song being played amongst the branches of my favorite companions.

I settle into this precious moment on this day, the beginning of my 58th year, and I breathe.

There is a beautiful sprig of lavender beside me, a gift from another friend who knows me better than she thinks she does. I take in the sweet, familiar scent and allow the healing aroma to comfort this clump of flesh I call "me". 

 I can feel them in my eyes for some reason wanting, and needing to come out, to trickle down the aging skin of these cheeks. I know better, now, than to resist them. They and whatever buried secrets or stories they hold within their liquid truth...just are what they are...not good, not bad, just energy....flowing....passing through, like all things in Life are meant to do.

I relax into them. I relax into all that surrounds the everything I am.

I breathe into what is...on this day, the beginning of my 58th year, of precious Life. 

© Dale-Lyn, July 2021

Reworked March, 2026

All is well!

A Balanced Perspective

 The pendulum of the mind operates between sense and nonsense, not between right and wrong.

Carl Jung

Approaching and viewing life through the executive functioning center of the prefrontal cortex...rather than the primitive prey or predator center of the amygdala... can neutralize our experience of life. It can take us from fantasy to the the felt experience of living.  Most of us operate with the amygdala in charge. The amygdala, the primitive brain, is all about survival and basic animal tendencies with one operating script: seek what is pleasant (be the predator) and avoid what is unpleasant (avoid being prey). Too often our perspective of what life should be like is at one extreme or the other, our expectations of what we should be experiencing are too high or too low. We are "fantasy" based. We are conditioned to believe that a "Good life is...(fill in the blank....possibly all pleasure no pain, all blessing, no challenge. ... or at least heavily weighted on the pleasure and blessing side.) When we go on the manifesting or positive thinking kick, we may get very specific with our preferences of how life should be that our expectations become very specific. 

The Pendulum

Imagine a pendulum swinging back and forth in front of you forming a large arc of momentum. This arc represents all the phenomena we as humans can experience in the physical world, all the life events humans can possibly go through. Again, this is just physicality...the ever-changing nature of physical phenomena. One side, say the "right" side, is "positive" appeasing the predator side of your nature. It is full of all the hopes, dreams, blessings and met expectations from your very specific list following the arc from the least preferred, closer to the midline, to the most preferred...the highest point of the arc and further from the midline. The left side is negative full of all the opposites of your hopes and dreams, all the things humans tend to want to avoid: illness, loss, scarcity, loneliness, relationship conflict, obscurity, rejection, risk to safety...what we call challenge and difficulty. Here you feel like prey and are at the mercy of hard times as you try your best to just survive. The challenges and threats proceed up the arc in degree of challenge from the midline to the highest point.  

The pendulum swings from the most difficult and challenging experiences down past a mid point and up to the highest blessing. Then back from the highest blessing down through the center and up to the most difficult human experience.  It swings back and forth, back and forth from one side to the other. The force on one side equals the force of movement on the other. As we watch the swinging pendulum of life experience, we may narrow our focus to one side over the other.

Many of us because of our core beliefs will tend to focus our attention mostly on the left side.  We see the negative, the hardship, the challenge, the lack. We do not follow the swinging pendulum with our eyes to the right side.  We do not notice the beauty and blessing life provides...not because it isn't there...just because our attention is glued to the left side. 

So, we are told to change our attitude.  Think more positively. Deny the left side and focus on the right. Create a list of all the things you want and desire and go after them. Let's say we have filled our long list with all these positive expectations and decide to focus on proving that Life is good by achieveing them. We decide we are going to focus only on what we want and how "good" life is.  We refuse to see that the pendulum is swinging right, left...through pleasure, and through pain, through blessing and then through challenge, through positive and then through negative. We believe if it is to be a good life there will only be pleasure, no pain. We focus on our positive expectations and say "Life prove to me you are worth living by giving me everything on my expectation list."  We have unknowingly stepped in the way of the swinging pendulum with our one-sided focus...denying its motion and wait on the right side with our hands open. We call that being "positive, optimistic".  We have our backs turned to the moving pendulum.  Guess what is going to happen?

The pendulum will swing our way eventually, apparently dropping many of the positive things from our list at our feet. This meeting of desires and expectations will seem to prove that Life is easy. We appeased the amygdala by becoming successful predator.  Blessing is all there is.  Positive thinking and manifesting works!!!! Why? Because our focus is narrowly shining only on this right side of the swinging pendulum, because we were selectively focusing on these things, denying all else. The pendulum which was constantly moving between the positive and the negative, the so called good and the bad, the joys and the sorrows, the blessings and the challenges  was just doing what it does.  Life was doing what it does. We just happened to be standing on the positive side with our arms open waiting and very, very selectively attentive on seeing what we deemed as "good". 

Now the more the experience matched what was on our list of "good things that make life worth living"...the higher up the arc our focus is. 

Imagine standing up at that high point of the arc  on the right side with your back to the negative left side.  You have your hands out waiting for Life to drop the goodies into them. Hmm!

 Do all the necessary challenges of Life go away just because you have your back turned to them so you can focus your attention only on the positive?  Of course not. The actuality of Life is ten thousand joys, ten thousand sorrows.  Life offers both types of experiences for growth. 

Does the pendulum of Life stop swinging? No, it continues to swing between the poles of experiences. What happens is that pendulum continuing to swing, picks up  more force with more arc swing and if you are standing at the highest point of arc on the right side...expecting "only" ultimate ease and to have all your desires met...it is going to knock you right off your feet when it gets to you because you keep standing in the way with such a narrow one sided focus. Hardship, challenge, difficulty...is not something you can escape and you can only deny its reality for so long. The more you deny reality, the harder you will be hit by it.   

We need to step away from seeing Life through this pleasure pain extreme focus and start balancing it.  We allow the pre-frontal cortex, the executive functioning center, to make sense of Life instead of constantly following the directions of a primitive amygdala. 

Neither side of the pendulum is wrong, neither side is right ...it is just motion. We need to step out and back from one-sided perspective.  Nothing is either good or bad but thinking makes it so is pretty much the same thing as all things are both good and bad and actuality makes them so.  In the the center of the swinging pendulum is a balance point of peaceful acceptance for  what is as it is...the actuality of  Life....which can only be viewed by stepping back out of the way and looking at the whole picture...Seeing the swinging pendulum going both ways and realizing the more extreme our focus, the more force in the swing.  Less preference, less aversion and the closer to the this balanced perspective we will remain.   We do not want to prefer one side over the other.  We want to prefer them both...so the pendulum will lose its momentum and eventually settle into peace, rather than keep swinging from one fantasy to another.

The magnificence of what is actually going on is far greater than the fantasies you are imposing on your life.

Dr. John Demartini

All is well. 

Learning to Believe Life Is Worth Living

 These, then, are my last words to you: Be not afraid of Life. Believe that Life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact.

William James, the father of modern psychology. From a speech delivered in May, 1895 entitled "Is Life worth Living?" and which was later published in the International Journal of Ethics, October 1895.

I have been asking many, many people lately these questions, "Do you believe our outer world circumstances are a reflection of what we got going on inside?" and "Do you believe our beliefs determine our lives more than randomness, genetics, or effort does...and that if we change our beliefs we change our lives?"

From most I scored a weak, "Yes...maybe?" 

That is what led me back to exploring the teachings of Bruce Lipton, William James, Wayne Dyer and others who strongly purport that our subconscious beliefs determine the qualities of our lives. If we believe life is worth living, it will be. 

I have someone in my life who is wobbling on the fence questioning if Life is worth living and too often this person leans towards the "I don't think so" side. They come to me and say, "If Life is worth living, convince me of how?" I feel pressured to answer that question. Of course, nothing I say suffices. Their pain-body resistance to anything positive and life affirming at this point is pretty thick.  This is not spiritual ego talking...but their level of awareness and their understanding of consciousness is much, much more immature than mine is. They do not see or understand what I have learned the hard way. Though my heart answers the above question "Yes...it is definitely worth living"...my support points are "weak and limp", I am told. That is true. Because of how I am experiencing Life right now...sandwiched between all this junk coming up from the inside as I purify, and all this challenge hitting this human I call me from the outside...I cannot process that question enough in a way to answer it that would convince anyone other than myself.  I have to stop teetering on the fence before I can get anyone else off it. 

I can see...from this life experience, this human I call "me" is having ...how deeply ingrained, often hidden, beliefs in my subconscious mind have limited this life and made it much more difficult than it has to be.  I look at my circumstances, and I know in my heart that 'my' samskaras are creating this experience. Well...I should say... I am creating these limitations, repeating challenges, physical ailments, experiences of lack and struggle, this nonstop awareness of the suffering of others needing me, and creating a life that is not a good example of someone who believes life is worth living. How am I doing this? By looking through the veil of a trauma long gone, by clinging to the emotional energy and "core beliefs" it has left behind.  Sigh! I know that in my heart to be true.  

My mission, one of the reasons I physically distanced myself from these suffering others, is to heal from this once and for all...so I can free myself from the tentacles of this story that holds me back.  I know that I truly cannot help another soul until I free my soul from this mess that was piled on top of it.  I cannot answer that question in a way that will make sense to anyone...and I do have a deep desire to answer it for the world's sake...until I experience fully that Life is worth living. Though I know in my core that it is...I have not yet had the felt experience of its worth. This life I am living does not demonstrate it!

There are many ways to free myself from what is holding this human back.  I need to purify from the samskaras that are stuffed within this psyche I created. (Ultimately, I have to free myself from the psyche itself, but for now samskara release is the priority).  I have to continue to make my way through the pain this involves. It is really time and energy consuming...I have to accept that, for now, I might not have a lot to give to others.  I have to see the core beliefs that were hidden around those samskaras and recognize the impact they have had on this life...then I need to do the work of releasing them and changing the programming. I need to re-evaluate what I think is bad, what I think is good in terms of each  life experience...come to see the "neither and both" nature of it, that it is neither good nor bad, helpful nor harmful, should nor shouldn't be...and at the same time both good and bad, helpful and harmful, should and shouldn't be. I need to discover the balance point between the so called "negative" and the so called "positive" opposites of this life experience. ...to neutralize it all so there is less pull towards desire, less pushing away with aversion. I need to explore how every event that has occurred in this life experience and that will occur in it, has both joy and sorrow, pleasure and pain...that this is the natural way of life.  This is the middle way. It only becomes one-sided when we prefer and seek the pleasure over the pain. Then, I need to call upon those things from within me that got buried by the samskaras...peace, equanimity, faith, compassion, wisdom that goes beyond intellectual knowing, and love for self/Self ...Oh man, I got some work to do. 

We all have work to do, don't we?  And it is so important that this work is done, so we create the lives we are here to experience, and so we can be there for the others wobbling on the fence asking the question, "Is Life worth living?"  Let's show them that it is definitely worth living by proving that truth to ourselves first. Let's create better lives by changing our beliefs and our attitude about it.

All is well!

The same road and the same world produce different actions upon different individuals. The great modifier is self. It is therefore more than a platitude to say that the world within modifies and shapes the world without. Anyone who desires to change his environment and outer conditions may do so by changing his inner attitude.

William James. The Cincinnatti Enquirer, 1928

Shout of appreciation out to Quote Investigator https://quoteinvestigator.com/2021/05/21/alter/ for this information. 

String Theory?

 In string theory, all vibrations are particles on a tiny rubber band; physics is the harmonies on the string; chemistry is the melodies we play on vibrating strings; the universe is a symphony of strings, and 'the Mind of God' is cosmic music resonating in a 11-dimensional hyperspace. 

Michio Kaku (co-founder of the theory)

My poetry  (Why I say 'my' I am not sure because it isn't mine...just comes through me. Sound woo-woo? lol), as you can see from the previous entry and others, reflects an understanding of string theory that I, as a limited human mind, does not have. What comes out in these crazy lines strung together by something I do not understand...often speaks of music and dancing and string instruments vibrating at certain frequencies. This is the basis of string theory, is it not?

What is string theory? 

String theory is often called the "Theory of Everything" because it combines the theory of relativity with quantum physics. It just takes Einstein's theory about energy and matter in "the field"  a little deeper. It postulates that the fundamental constituents of the universe are not zero-dimensional point particles, but rather tiny, one-dimensional vibrating strings of energy. All matter (fermion) arises from the string vibration like notes (bosons and other pre-particles that carry the potential for matter) from a string instrument. Though Einstein's theory focused on how space time gets warped because of gravitational pull and dealt with the macrocosm...string theory brings it all down to the microcosm-the atomic level. It uses still uses Einstein's formulas to explain how low vibrating strings...strings that are not tight and taut like those of a musical instrument....create large pheneomena of mass and matter.  There are other strings, however, in string theory  that are tight and the tighter the string, the higher frequency of the note, the less dense matter that appears to the observer but the higher the state.  Something like that lol. My non-physics oriented brain might not be understanding?

Hmm....something to think about.

All is well.

Dr. Mayim Bialik's Breakdown ( March 17, 2026) String Theory Explains Life After Death, the Multiverse and Why You Cannot Die/Dr. Michio Kaku. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TcQtq-rkOFw&t=5597s

The Root of the Mind

 The root of the mind is in the heart.

Michael Singer

The cause of most of the mental noise we experience, that leads us to react or act in Life a certain way, is a result of, not the cause of our disturbance. It is a result of emotional turbulence.  

Emotions...energy in motion...are constantly attempting to get up and out. They can be disturbing to the psyche or human experience.  What is the greatest emotional energy down there? Fear. The psyche doesn't want to deal with this disturbance.  It does whatever it can to convince the personal mind...and therefore us...to push and keep the painful stuff like fear down there. The emotional turbulence just circles like a whirlpool, crying for release. Discomfort increases.   The mind does whatever it can to keep it down: distracting, numbing, denying, avoiding, averting, doing, fixing, suppressing, repressing....It seeks to find its solution to this "problem" in the superfiical external living. It doesn't get to the core of the problem.  The root of the problem. The suffering doesn't end.

So, the mess in your mind can only be cleaned up by facing what is in your heart. Focus and breathe through the heart.

All is well.

Noble Gas

 

Ode to a Noble Gas

Oh Argon,

beautiful nobel gas,

a perfect spinning soloist

complete in your Self,

shining your God-given inner light,

you gracefully take the center stage

to show the world how beautiful

 Self-realization  can be.

Not needing to borrow or take

from the others on stage,

perfect as you are

graciously spinning 

on solid point shoes

while we, the wobbling dancers behind you

form imperfect partnerships

clinging to each other so desperately for balance,

attracting, repulsing

pushing and pulling

in our awkward choreography.

Unstable, unawakened electrons 

from the outer shells

stolen in greed to compensate for "not being enough";

shed and given away to compensate for being "too much," 

create a disturbance that pulls us together 

in our wobbling futile attempts to be like you.

Compassionate but undisturbed

by the stumbling movements of

the corps de ballet behind you,

 you extend your outer shell

like the beautiful wings of a swan,

fanning the sweat from our brows

while you remain intimately connected 

to a peaceful, loving, untainted core...

within your ideal triple- shelled exterior.

You spin so beautifully, so perfectly

 center stage without concern for 

loss or gain...

attraction or repulsion,

knowing who you are

and from where you came; 

knowing you are whole, complete,

full of a light energy that brightens the world.

You do not need a partner...

You will not lower your prima donna frequency

by coupling with those of us

 still crying out for

more or less in order to be complete,

but you will when the music's tempo rises 

and the spinning reaches a Dervish peak, 

join with someone  just like you

who spins and radiates at your vibration

creating an exiquisite grand pas de deux

for us to witness, learn from, grow from...

before returning again to the center of the stage 

...alone.

 

Oh beautiful gas of nobility

show us how to be like you...

detached but full,

unsupported but well balanced,

alone but knowing you are never alone, 

in this world but not of it,

loving the dance  for what it is,

giving selflessly of yourself through each performance

and needing nothing in return.

Radiate your perfect completeness on to us,

so we can all learn to dance like you.

© Dale-Lyn, March 17th, 2026

I am back! I just needed a power cord.  I barely reacted when the computer crashed and I anticipated that I may have lost most of my writing...I find I handle these things so much better than I used to...but I must admit I jumped for joy when the new charger powered up my computer. Yeah!

While away I listened and I once again  fell in love with the teachings of Bruce Lipton.  I read Biology of Belief long ago and it really was a game changer.  I have also been recently reminded, through some inner reflection, how core beliefs have been dominating my life and have been once again looking to change some limiting core beliefs within myself. So I googled him and voila!

He was talking about gases on the periodic table in one of the presentations I listened to. ( I cannot cite the actual source because I intended just to listen)  When he mentioned noble gases, I knew a poem was going to come of it. I held onto it until my computer came back and poof...there it is.  Might not make a lick of sense to anyone else lol...but it does to me. 

I will explain more later.

Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all the Celts and non-celts out there wearing the green!

All is well.

Will be away for a bit

 My computer crashed and it takes me forever to type on my phone....so I will be away until I figure something out.

All is well 

Making the Darkness Conscious

 One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious. The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely. Your visions will become clear only when you can look inside your own heart. Who looks outside dreams; who looks inside awakes.  Carl Jung 

I want to awaken and I am willing to look inside, to make the darkness conscious.  I was just not expecting quite so much darkness. Sigh. I have some stuff in here that is so dark I cannot see it. It was buried so, so deep and is now hidden from regular memory by some grace I have yet to understand.  There is a reason that it was buried so deep. Though I cannot remember the cause of it or see it clearly, I know it forms the greatest samskara blockage in me...It is like a giant bolder affecting absolutely every aspect of this human life. I bravely face my fear to look inside, removing all secondary arrows that it somehow pulls toward it, but the first arrow causing the deepest wounding is still in the way  of my ability to see within my heart. The unrecollected memory is surrounded by so much darkness. And like dark matter in a black hole, it has the ability to pull my conscious awareness down into it. My external life seems to be a reflection of it.  I am tired of being led through life by this thing I can't even see. I want to heal. To experience the light. This samskara has to go!

Be careful what you wish for.

I have intended and prayed for an acceleration of this samskara release process. Last night I had dreams that showed my prayers were being answered. The darkness is becoming conscious and Grace, understanding what is hidden in those depths, is willing to oblige my wish, but only by allowing a little bit of that energy and associated memory up at a time.  Pandora's box is being opened one crack at a time. That was a good call. The bit that came up in glimpses of memory is pretty horrible. I would likely not be able to handle it all at once.

In one dream snippet last night I was accepting my broken self (was actually hugging and consoling a form of another that I later realized was me.) Imagine.

That repressed stuff also came up with chest pain...a different type of chest pain than the kind I get with the vasospasms. This kind is like the proverbial "something sitting on my chest" thing and is much more persistent. Kind of explains the heavy sweating that has been happening lately too. I am quite sure, on a physical level, it is a form of angina. (Which I will take care of in a physical way: rest, A.S.A. and nitro...a visit in later if it doesn't get better). On a deeper level, could it be the movement of some trapped energy upward into the heart chakra?  I do not feel that tightness in my core this am.  It is all in the chest. Wow!  Imagine if that were the case.

So, though it is going to be far from pleasant I am going to continue to make this darkness conscious...to encourage and allow whatever is down there to come up into conscious awareness. I want to respect the dream state's way of handling this...I do...but part of me is wondering if hypnosis for memory recall will speed the process along. This amount of "horrible" coming up, might need the help of a professional as well. 

A lot to think about.  If anything, I think it motivated and inspired me to get back to my novel.

All is well

Validation for Challenging Lessons

If you want to go to God and experience what the great ones experience, you need to pay attention to what is holding you down. 

You always start with where you are...you don't start from where you want to be 

Michael A. Singer

I found myself wondering today as I was listening to this podcast how Michael Singer would grade this human I call "me" on its learning progress.  I embarrassingly found myself imagining me as a little student in Elementary school, looking up and asking, "Am I doing good teacher?"  

It took me by surprise to realize I was seeing myself in that light.  Though I love and honor his teachings, my redeemer/spiritual ego does not like this "me" to think of itself as his student...any one's student other than Life's. It gets embarrassed for this "me" when it seeks the validation of others.  

Why?  

Redeemer Ego doesn't like to face the fact that Shamer Ego is still very much around in my Life.  I, as I have mentioned many times, see two sides to the ego coin.  There is Shamer ego- I am a shamed based human psyche and shame is one of the deepest of the ego layers hiding who I truly am. And there is Redeemer ego- a part of me is always trying to redeem this human in the eyes of others and to pull this psyche up away from this very uncomfortable conscious experience of shame. So, I was experiencing that pull this morning as I was listening.

I want to go to God. I want to experience who I truly am, and I know the process requires I understand what is preventing me from doing that, what is holding this human down. As I unravel the many layers of psyche and samskara that keep this me from experiencing who I truly am, I find I am feeling exposed, vulnerable, without those protective layers.  The stuff I stored and ran from all my life is hitting me smack dab in the face and it is so uncomfortable. It isn't easy to live like this. 

Has it ever got so intense in there that you don't want to be in there?

That is me. As I peel the protective layers away and I am seeing and experiencing all this that I stuffed, stored, and ran from most of my life...Life suddenly seems so heavy. I question, "Do I really want to go on like this?"  On top of that, the life circumstance around this human is more than challenging.  I do not have to just deal with low hanging fruit like the weather, and what others might think of me as Singer encourages us to ( I am neurotic and still occasionally fret over those things too)  ...I am dealing with very, very challenging things on the outside and those painful things that have made their way up from the inside at the same time.  I am being challenged on both ends: inside and outside. I asked... I prayed... for an intensive, speed up to this healing I know is necessary...and boys am I being accommodated. Outside layers are being stripped off,and not so gently, while inside layers are pushing the painful stuff I stored between the layers up. It really kind of sucks lol.

Still, committed to this purifying and healing mission, I go on.  I look down into the pile of junk, notice how life can stir it up and though it feels like crap...I remind myself that this is an important part of the most important mission this human can take on. I continue to look deeply into that which is holding me down.  I am not looking into the "story" so much.  I do not care about the memories attached to each of these emotionally charged things from my past that I stored.  I am just attempting to stay open to the energy as it comes up and hopefully out of me.  

"I would rather run and hide.  I don't want to have to deal with this."

Sure, that is true.  I would rather run and hide...but I know now there reaally is no way of escaping truth. I know that it will follow me. I would rather deal with it all now. I stop running. I do my best to relax into what is.

What emotionally charged energy, besides shame, is the greatest thing I must face...that most of us must face?  Fear. My fear is so intense.  I know that.  I don't even know why it is so intense.  My memories of past trauma are so repressed and suppressed...I have no idea.  I just know, it is there, percolating inside me.  Though many layers have been removed, there are still many layers to remove, from behind those layers fear percolates. 

[Most of us] end up pushing away the weakness, the part that's scared...

Like many humans, I buried shame and fear so deep inside me and I built many protective layers of redemption over it. Seeking things "out there" that would make me feel better in here...is how I found so called "okayness," but it was never real.

"There were all these things I thought would make me okay but now I want to die..."

Realizing that these layers and things are not going to make us feel okay leaves a human feeling more than a little defeated and depressed. Now what?

Suppression is the worse way to deal with fear...

Though I cannot say that I am enjoying the experience of living without the layers that once gave me a false sense of being okay...I have no intention of dying before my time comes. :) I have faith, not conditional hope, but faith that going deeper "through" that fear and shame and whatever else I have bubbling inside this human psyche is the answer to the end of not only this human's suffering...but all suffering. 

Find the deepest part of your being and be true to that. Be true to that...

"If the whole world rejects me but I am closer to God, I went the right way." 

"I seen a deeper truth, I want to live it!"  

"I live the truth..."

In order to get there, I have to accept the fact that it won't be easy. I will have to suffer a bit.

...you will have to go through hell, an inner hell. 

If this very challenging heaviness is a necessary part of the process, I am still in! I just need to stay true to this mission, this path, no matter how uncomfortable it gets and no matter what others think of me for going this way. No more building layers of false protection (personality or psyche layers). No more running from all that I stuffed and stored. Just a relaxed willingness to allow it to come up when it comes up and to go through it.

I would like to hear back from the greatest teacher, Life, that I am doing okay as a student. Maybe Life cannot grant me a 4.0 GPA or an A+ on my fear facing skills yet, but maybe It could give me a smile, a gentle pat on the head, and a gold star for effort.

And maybe Michael Singer would concur,

You got there by noticing the mess not by ignoring it, not by suppressing it, not by denying it...

All is well.

Michael A. Singer ( March 9, 2026) The Stairway to Heaven. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ1z8NTNoCA&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Refusing to Close or Be Pulled Into the Drama

 Consciousness does not have to be pulled into the disturbed mind.

Michael A. Singer

I had one of those weird dreams last night that I knew meant something.  I remember saying in my dream, "This is symbolic of something. I need to remember this!"  I was building some type of a tower with poles or lego bricks or something (spend a lot of time building things with my grandsons lol) and I was closing it in. I heard this voice coming from the ether..."Leave it open! Leave it open!" So, in my dreams I removed the front walls and left the tower open.

Today, I once again reaffirmed my intention to stay as open as I can. I reviewed my tendency to get lost in this tiny little drama this human I call "me" is starring in...just one of 8.5 billion dramas, how I get pulled right in and down to this sad tale, and how I close from everything else when I do. 

I know the reason for my closure..."self" protection. I get into character way too much, believing I am the part I am playing. The past scenes and acts in this drama were so convincing and compelling I cling to the script as I move into the new acts and scenes...ad libing and impromptu acting my way through the narrative based on what I learned from the past scenes.  Man, this human is making a mess of things  lol. 

I need to stop focusing so narrowly on this drama....I certainly can take part in the play but I need to remember it is just a play...one of 8.5 billion other plays. My focus doesn't have to be on it... especially when it brings this experience down so much. I do not have to close to Life as it attempts to flow through me...in the comedy scenes or in the sad scenes. I want to stay open to allow Life to come in and through.  What about you?  

Just as I was saying to myself, "You have to stop thinking about this "me" and what it is going through!", I get a call from someone truly needing my help. Their drama is much more intense and real  than this human's. Thinking about the needs of others is truly one way to pull ourselves out of our "me-me" addictions.

All is well.

True Teachers or Charlatans and Mystery-Mongers

 So also is it with Raja-Yoga, which when pursued as a means to attain liberation, and not (unfortunately it frequently becomes in the hands of charlatans and mystery-mongers) as an instrument to hood-wink the unwary, leads us all to the same goal.

Vivekanada Complete Book of Yoga

Hmm! I jotted down this quote because I was once again wondering about the legitimacy of certain yoga gurus or spiritual teachers from other paths, who claim to have found enlightenment and Self-realization to the point they want to help others do the same, while making a lot of money or gaining a lot of power doing so. How many out there are legitimate Self-realized yogis and how many are charlatans and mystery-mongers?  How does one tell the difference?

Of course, the belief about money and power comes in to the picture. Is it wrong that a guru or spiritual teacher profits from sharing these ancient teachings that truly belong to every one? What is money...just symbolic currency...really doesn't have much meaning, right? So, what if they make enough to live more than comfortably by doing what they do? If they are doing what they ought to do , wouldn't the universe support them? It is all just the play of Maya, isn't it?  Riches come and go, poverty comes and goes. 

 If I have a belief, however, that only the selfish and greedy are rich...then I will have a problem with gurus who drive around in Rolls Royces (I really do have a problem with that when the volunteers are struggling to stay fed after giving all their earthly belongings to this guru...that puts a knot in my gut and I would never trust such a leader.) Even when I like a "teacher" but see that they are charging astronomical amounts for their courses, allowing only a certain demographic to participate...that doesn't seem "right" either. 

Many of us are unwary and unsure of who to trust, desperate for enlightenment or at least a deeper meaning to our lives and we seek leaders and teachers as we travel certain paths....  We may trust the teaching, as I do  Raja-yoga, maybe, but some teachers  take on these tecahings, call them their own, and set out to serve their own ego through them. 

Money is neither good or bad and if  the teachers of raja-yoga or other disciplines gain a great income through their efforts: books, public speaking, etc...that should not be a problem...but if that is the motivation for them doing what they do with the teaching...that I believe is "hood-winking the unwary." That is not yoga.

I am on a rampage today, aren't I?  

All is well. 

Worry and Tramsmutation

 

The energy is down there, and your job is to let it come up...your whole life is a letting go process.

Michael A. Singer

The Experience of Worry

Do you see how much of your thoughts are based on worry?

Wow! I woke up worrying. Someone who owes me money and who usually pays right when they say they will...was a week late and when I reminded, I never heard back, which is totally unlike this person.  So, I began, in the early throws of morning light, to worry about them. As I lay there, I went from seeing them enduring a bit of stress and challenge to them undergoing extreme trauma that would prevent them from, not only paying me back, but would also prevent them from having a happy normal future. The mind took me from the tiny thought, "This is unusual. something must be up" to seeing them in the most awful of situations. I worried about them in this imaginary future I created, I also became the "me" again and I worried about this huge debt this "me" has to deal with, (I can only lend or give to others by taking on more debt and that debt is getting bigger and bigger) knowing that I could not maintain this living situation if things didn't change. I then saw myself living on the streets and started to make myself ready for that. "Where will I go?  How can I make that living on the street situation easier for myself and others? " I went from one negative thought to another. I tried to figure out ways to "fix" what seemed to be so broken 'out there'. I worried even when I was problem solving!

The attempt to solve something you are worried about is a part of worry. You are trying to solve a problem that is not even there.

Did this worry do any good?  Of course, not....it just gave me a sore gut and a messier head than I already had. This human I call "me" spent a good thirty minutes of a precious new day lying there suffering over a problem that wasn't even there! This is no way to live life.

You are living your life based on the mess inside your head...

No Resistance

That being said, it could have been worse. If I would have reacted to this worry the way I used to do...by pushing it back down or by expressing it in a les than healthy way, I would have created more suffering.  Resistance of this type of energy trying to come up and be released, creates more suffering.

You don't have to live like that.

You see, this worry energy is just energy and energy needs to flow.  Shakti...the beautiful energy of peace, love, joy wants to be released but through repression and suppression we have blocked its ability to flow freely out of us. By stuffing the unwanted down there on top of it and then like I did this morning focusing on that stuffed junk, we block Shakti. Shakti wants to flow and it pushes up against the blockages ...pushing that energy up into our conscious awareness when our samskaras are triggered by outside events. (In this case, a negative thinking and worry rampage.)  It feels like crap.  We don't feel the shakti...just the blockage...the fragmented pieces of a psyche.  Thes fragments can seemingly cut like shards of glass. It stings...we push it back down and away from conscious awareness. When we push the blocked energy down, we push the shakti back down. 

Stop Pushing It Down

I finally see that pushing it back down is only going to cause more suffering.  This blockage of energy needs to come up and out so shakti can flow. All that emotional energy is shakti needing to release itself. 

Shakti is the natural expression of who we are. Psyche is this self concept we created and have come to believe we are based on our past experiences and all that energy we stuffed and stored. Samskaras are the psyche-blockages we create when the energy that comes in is judged as too painful or unpleasant for this self concept. It is what we push down and constantly try to keep down below conscious awareness, not seeing how much damage we are doing when we do so. Psyche is constantly getting shattered into pieces by Life experiences. This seemingly solid "idea" we have of who we think we are, is constantly being tested by reality. We unknowingly block that beautiful flow of Shakti with these fragments of psyche and samskara when we push them down or hold them down over Shakti. 

All Just Energy

Every single energy that came up and you couldn't handle it is a fragment of your psyche...that stuff you stuffed down fragments your psyche

It is just a packet of energy. 

All energy is just energy...neither good nor bad but judging makes it so. We need to stop placing judgment on these emotional energies...calling them "Good/Bad, right/wrong, should be/ shouldn't be." Instead of suppressing, repressing, or expressing (which is just a means of allowing the suppressed energy to leak in an unhealthy way), we need to let all the energy on top of Shakti go and let it flow.

Do You Want to Keep this Crap? 

So, when that energy came up this morning and I realized I spent too long on it. Thirty minutes is too long to spend on any type of worry...I then consciously tried to transmute it, instead of  resisting it. I began by asking myself, "Do you want to keep this crap?" 

I knew the answer was "no", so I began to relax into the worry.  I didn't ask the worry to relax...I knew I needed to relax.  That relaxation began with me noticing the worry and how quickly the mind took that worry down into the most negative of thought experiences.  I didn't beat up the mind or myself for doing this...I just noticed the habit. I focused on breath.  I relaxed the body.  I allowed the experience of worry and all that was attached to it this morning to come up into my awareness. I felt my belly pain and I allowed that. I breathed. I did not attempt to push this experience back down.

Then I encouraged the worry to do what it needed to do in order to be released. I allowed that. 

Welcome it back up to let it pass through you

Pain for Gain

It was a bit of a rough start to my morning, not because of my present circumstances or this worry.  It was a rough morning because I was allowing purification and healing to take place and I was experiencing it full on.

What is stuffed in pain will come up in pain.

I was willing to accept a little pain for a lot of healing gain. I know that there is still so much down there and there is still so much psyche left.  I am not yet free of it.  I still see and experience life through it so much.  Life is really doing me a solid, whether it is intentional or not, to help me crack this psyche up into a million pieces but those broken chards feel like they are ripping up my insides when they come up lol. I am not going to do more damage by pushing them back down.

Why?

I just want to heal once and for all.  I am tired of pretending I am something I am not and getting all tied up in these samskara reactions we are a result of me pretending.

None of its you...you are the consciousness experiencing it...none of those psyche fragments are you

More than an End to Suffering?

I know this psyche, and all it stuffed and stored, is the cause of my suffering. So, I want to transmute this energy to end suffering. I am told the rewards for allowing energy to flow are much greater, but only a part of my mind goes there.  Hopefully, someday I will tap into this more. I will know through experience that I am more than this individual that worries 

Anger [and other emotions] is shakti blocked, God blocked...It is all God...you are God trying to flow through the expression of the creation....

The only thing that stands between you and God...are the blockages that you made down there, that are like clouds that block the sun

There are obviously things this human has to do 'out there' in response to this worry. practical things like learning to say "no", finding a better way to pay off my debt and creating a healthier way to relate to my loved ones.  There is a lot of "letting go" that I have to do out here as well. First and foremost, I have to let go in here. I have to notice these habits of mind, allow them to come up, relax into them, suffer the discomfort of their release, and let them go. Why? So energy can flow the way it was intended to. Sigh.

Suffering is Unnecessary.

I am not sure how much you worry but if you worry at all, know that there is a way out.  Not by repressing, suppressing, or even expressing ...but only by transmuting that energy can we be free. 

Note: More synchronicity at play.  What is the statistical probability that I would wake up in a worry reaction, deal with it in the way I learned to, and then go to listen to Michael A. Singer less than 30 minutes later only to find him talking about worry and how to deal with it. I think that is pretty cool.

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe/Sounds True (March 6, 2026) Transmutation: The Spiritual Art of Letting Energy Flow. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GqejDKXmpis&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

No Wall Zone!

 This above all; to thine own self be true

Shakespeare, Hamlet. Act 1, Scene 3

If you knew

what was true

inside  of you,

what would you do?

Would you push down

what's all around

and build a wall

that hid it all?

Would you scream and cry, 

while asking why

inside this lie

until you die?

Build  a face 

to hide this place,

cry  "Life is tough!" 

as you hide your stuff?

 If there was no repression,

 no suppression,

 or no expression,

there'd be no impression 

With no impression

...there is freedom

 So, let it go

let it flow

 and you will know

it is so.

All there is, is Love

 born from above...

You are that Love.

An apologetic "me"

Okay I am not sure what it is with all this crappy rhyming stuff that comes out when I listen to Michael A. Singer lately, lol. ...but out it came again. Bear with me. 

I remain quite uncomfortable in this present life experience. Still experiencing all this once stored and hidden away stuff coming up to the surface and it isn't pleasant. Part of me still wants to run away from it as fast as I can; to escape into some activity or project or just old habitual mind stuff. I want out of this part of the purifying and healing that is sooooo uncomfortable...I even slip out too many times to count..a lot...but knowing that I want to finally be true to Self... that is my mission in this Life... I pull myself  back and say, "Just sit with what is.  Your Self needs this to be done...be true to that Self. Stay open, align, purify, and heal!"

Life, wanting to assist with this mission kindly obliges by sending the awareness of suffering to this human I call "me" from all angles. And as I sit there in the middle of it I feel the suffering in this little human and most importantly I feel the suffering of the world. It isn't pretty, let me tell ya. Instead of closing I do my best to stay open to it.  Instead of resisting; I do my best to relax into it.  Instead of clinging and stuffing more down on top of it, as my old reactive habits encourage; I do my best to let it all go. Instead of building up more walls and personas for protection, as I am so attempted to do, I allow all pre-existing walls to crumble to the ground.  

It may be a mess...but....I declare this being a "No Wall Zone". 

All is well

Michael A. Singer (March, 2026) The Path to Integration: Releasing the Fragmented Self. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XuUDCrE888A&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=2

The Unevolved and the Unfinished Product

It is the destiny of every human to awaken from their conditioning...Humanity is not a finished product. Gradually... there is an evolutionary movement through the universe which is the awakening of consciousness... If you don't awaken you create suffering for yourselves or others.

Eckhart Tolle

We are all waking up whether we know it or not.  It is happening.  The process is quicker in some, more gradual in others but we are all waking up.  It is our destiny. Sigh,

Those who are still way back in the pakicetus stage of evolution, may be doing, what seem to be, autrocious things to humanity and to the planet. They may be creating great suffering. Those who have already evolved to the highest level (and there are only a few), on the other hand, may be doing miraculous things to heal the world. They may risk the lives they nolonger see as their own to speed this evolution of all along. They may  even get crucified by those packicetus' who fear them and this process of evolution.  What do the highly evolved have to say about such autrocious acts directed at them?

Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.  Luke 23:34

How can you blame a two year old for peeing their pants? You can't...you forgive them as you wait for them to be ready to toilet train, directing, protecting, controlling the consequences of their actions to some degree until then.  You put a diaper on them.  Imagine all those world leaders who have not yet evolved enough to the point where they can see and honor the greater good as pakicetus' wearing diapers. The silly image may remove some of your own reactive hate and fear....which truly does no good.

Just as the parent of the two year old focuses on what their child could become with proper training when they are developmentally ready, calmly and objectively buffering their actions  until then...we must do the same. We must look compassionately and patiently on all humans who have yet to evolve. We must see that they, in the deepest sense, know not what they do. We must forgive them for that (for our own menatl health as much as anything).

 At the same time, we must realize and accept that these less than evolved humans are subject to temper tantrums, selfish thinking, a "me-me" perspective, the taking of and clinging to toys, egoic needs and the potential to harm others at this stage of their development if they do not get their way.  We do not give the keys to the family car to a toddler and expect them to drive safely and not run over anyone.  We cannot give these beings the keys to a nation (and yes that is what happened in many cases...they were given the keys of a nation or at least allowed to play with the keys when they reached up and got them from the counter ) when it was known they were not developmentally ready to drive. The more mature and evolved of us in this human race...need to step up and say, "No"... firmly with consistency and contingency, regardless of the increased intensity of the temper tantrum this "No" will cause. The keys need to be gently taken away without spanking anyone. 

Humanity is not yet a finished product...we must strive to get it there. We must allow consciousness to awaken farther. The need for collective evolution needs to be taught and reinforced again and again and again throughout the world...even if these diaper wearing pakicetus'  cannot "get it" at this stage. We need to get it even if they never do. Otherwise we are all going to get run over.

Hmm!

All is well in my world.

Eckhart Tolle ( March 2, 2026) If You Grew Up in Chaos: Watch This! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vpbQ-X_-Cig&t=547s

Speeding the Process Along

 Don't rush, let the fire burn slowly.

...In a hundred days you will see the result

Zhang San Feng, The Song of Silent Sitting

Hmm! I feel myself impatient lately for this fire of purification to run its course and burn out.  It has been going on within me for many years and it is far from comfortable. I see, maybe not so clearly, but I do see the mess within that needs to be swept out. I see how that mess limits this Life experience; how it holds this human I call "me" back from expanding into true awareness of Self. Though it appears to be just a messy pile of cluttered junk when I look inside, I do see the limiting beliefs acting like old sticky chewing gum holding this samskara mess together, as they always pull more into their stickiness. 

I have to get to those beliefs! I have to pull them from all that energy in there, bring them to the surface, examine them, question them, see what they have done to this life, envision a life without them and then let them go. Then I have to replace the holes they leave behind with beliefs that enhance life rather than diminish it.

I know that without the sticky beliefs that have held me back, the mess in here isn't going to miraculously sweep itself up...but it will untangle itself from the pile and fall into separate scattered pieces that are easy to vacuum or sweep up. Hmm! 

How did someone, like me, end up creating a housekeeping analogy lol?  Anyway.

I have been asking for a quicker clean up. I was brought back to Tai Chi. The above line promises that if one practices Tai Chi diligently for 100 days they will be purified. The hundred days are not yet up and I certainly feel something happening in my gut.  It is very intense. So, I asked if  I could or should add another short-cut solution to this process. Could getting through this big pile of samskara holding me back from experiencing Life in the way I believe all humans should experience it, be enhanced by the use of psychadelics or hypnotism?

I literally asked that question out loud and in writing to any creative force out there. As if on cue I found myself suddenly super intrigued by  the power of "core beliefs" again.  I found myself reminded of the power of hypnotism and intention in a myrid of ways over the last four days. ...podcasts will come on, posts  have been randomly read from this site where I was talking about such things, the name or image of Paul McKenna or Richard Bandler seems to be randomly popping up everywhere and their books seem to end up in front of me instead of being on the book shelf where I last put them.  I didn't catch on until this morning...."Oh...I am being given an answer maybe...I can get to the root of my trauma, which is the biggest samskara within me, and the creator of my core belief ....more quickly through hypnotism. I can begin by removing the sticky gum that binds all my samskaras together into one big, nasty knot. Hmm! 

 So, if belief can be so powerful, just stop for a moment and think of the most overwhelmingly wonderful things you could have or do if you take the belief that stops you from learning anything new quickly and easily, faster than you could ever suspect, and simply change it. How would you be if you could harness more of your brain's ability to alter its state, so that when you opened your eyes you created something absolutely wonderful-?

Richard Bandler's Guide to Trance-Formation, pg 96

All is well. 

Purified by Fire?

 

Accepting pain as help for purification...constitues Yoga in practice.

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali's : Book Two; 1...page 75

Okay...so I have  really been feeling something like fire or pain twirling and whirling in my core over the last few days...in the area between the solar plexus and sacral chakra...I mean like a literal whirling and twirling around this big knot.  Of course, rational mind slips in and says "Gastritis! You could have an ulcer from all the stress your body has endured over the course of your life time...or maybe from the meds. You have been on a proton pump inhibitors way too long...and going off them the way you did probably caused some rebound effect." There is likely a very physical explanation for what is going on here to a point. This gut is burning for some reason.

Tapas means" to burn or create heat". Anything burned out will be purified.  pg 75

At the same time I find myself feeling up one moment, down the next.  I can slip into a relaxation or meditation so easily but in between I feel all restless, and anxious even.  I feel bored one minute...like I have to do something stat, and the next moment I feel like this not doing is exactly what I am supposed to be not-doing lol. I feel at one moment all caught up in the drama I have been called into, and the next moment I am back and away from it, observing it all in a very neutral and objective way. Throughout all that is unfolding in front or me and around me, the belly has periods of releasing...as if the twirling flame is moving up and out of me.  At those moments I feel relaxed, calm, peaceful...then the whirling will start again. At those moments I feel anxious, ungrounded maybe. It is weird...not sure if the physical sensation is causing the emotional sensation or vice versa.  Not sure it even matters. I am just acutely aware of this human's physical and emotional experience...probably more so than ever. 

I would like to think that what is happening is a samskara release...that this knot in my gut which holds my old life-limiting core beliefs, my shame and fear, and most of "my" past trauma energy is being shook up by the "chi" or "shakti" beneath it, that I am calling forth through my practice and yes through my itention.  Yes, I set a clear intention for openness, purification , healing and the ability to live Life through Love.  I even created a sigel. I can't yet trust that this might work not only because of the woo-woo attached to itthat challenges old paradigms, but because of this core belief arising from the shaking up...that convinces me that things are not going to work out for this human, "they never do".  With all this burning and this tumbling around in there...sparks of these core beliefs are being thrown up and around and I cannot help but notice them. I do not want to ignore them ,avoid them, or resist them. I want to observe them...look deeply into them as Thich Nhat Hanh would encourage someone to do, so they will feel seen enough to leave. 

I hope all this discomfort is simply a part of the purification and healing process that I so want to happen. In that case, I will just sit with it and see where it takes this human I call "me". 

Trauma Release- It takes time, patience, and a willingness to sit with discomfort. Counselling Center Group

All is well.

Sri Swami Satchidananda ( 2011) The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali. Yogaville: Integral Yoga Publications

Just Wavelets and Mist

 If you want to get close to God and know about God...you have to work with mind. 

Michael A. Singer

I was listening to Michael Singer in the below linked podcast and as I was listening I found my fingers typing out this poem. Two hemispheres of my brain seemed to be communicating and functioning at the same time. (Good old Corpus Collosum lol).  I was able to listen, interpret, analyze at the same time I was open to this creativity thing coming through based on what the other side was doing.  I am not saying, by any means, that the poem is great...but the process was and the experience of using both sides of the brain at the same time is pretty cool. I started the poem at the beginning of the podcast, right after the above quote, and I finished it before he said his closing mantra.  Weird! And cool!

All is well. 

Wavelets and Mist

The world that seems so real

around this thing that you call "me" 

is a process so complicated

it is almost impossible to see

the wavelets in a quantum field

moving here and there,

vibrating all around you

 while bouncing off the air; 

and coming through your senses

your eyes, your ears, your skin.

Flashing, buzzing, tingling,

you let the vibration in

to travel up your neurons

to the filtering matter of the brain

while solid becomes vapour  

shifting past the physical plane.

Vibrating, vibrating, vibrating 

 in a neutral ethereal mist,

it is carried  back to the place 

where no matter  can exist.

From some-thing to no-thing

 through the fence of time and space,

the wavelet dances in the field 

in the gentle arms of Grace.

Such a beautiful ballet of Life

with many ups and downs,

so perfect in its joy and sorrow

until the ego comes around.

Ego, determines through its judgment

and its director's cue

if the the twirling  wavelet 

is worthy to pass through.

"Good and  Bad you stay on stage.

Neutral you are free.

We must create a performance 

for Consciousness to see!"

So these dancing wavelets,  

energy in its changing form,

become solid thoughts and feelings, 

while Life becomes a storm

that takes the attention of awareness

from its dancing play

to the serious performance of matter,

while the ethereal slips away.

If ego mind controls the dancers

consciousness cannot see

that the dance is only mist

made by the direction of a "me". 

© Dale-Lyn (Pen) February 2026

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( February 26, 2026) How Consciousness Becomes Trapped in Thought. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OAYBOINwPCE&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1