Instead of a Fight, Life Is a Flow

 

Those who flow as life flows, know they need no other force.

Lao Tzu

All these axioms in the self help movement about the need to find our purpose needs to be looked at: "Find what you love to do and do it!"  "Keep going! Don't let anything stop you!"  "Fight until you acheive your dreams!" "Dream it and you will acheive it!" 

As you may be able to tell by now, I no longer fully adhere to those proposed suggestions for a "better life".  Though I believe it is important to do what opens us up to love simply for the sake of doing what we love...I am starting to see that this attachment to outcome and this need to struggle and fight the current to get to some "idea" up ahead  in a future that never comes...is not so wholesome. It keeps us out of our life experience here and now, and stuck in striving mind. You may have noticed by now, that mind is not the greatest place to be. It is not a heck of a lot of fun in there. lol

Living our lives fully and with so called "purpose" is not about the "doing" though we can still do.  It is not about the wanting, or the dreaming...though we can still want and dream. It is not about planning for tomorrow though we can still plan.  It is about being here and now .  It is about simply  noticing what is happening in us and outside of us at any given moment without the need for judgement, interpretation, narrative and  story building.  It is about flowing with what is instead of selecting from it and fighting against it.

Hmm! 

All is well 

Self-Improvement?

The Buddha said that wisdom must come only from the abandonment of selfish craving or desire....One who abandons that desire attains  nirvana...which is supreme peace, liberation. Nirvana means, in sanskrit, blow out...that is exhale the breath. The opposite... desire... is to breathe in. Now if you breathe in and hold it you lose your breath but if you breathe out, it comes back to you.  So the principle here is, if you want life don't cling to it. Let go. 

Alan Watts

It should be easy then for us to surrender our breath to Life by breathing out our selfish desire and craving. But it isn't easy. We may spend most of our lives trying to improve this human being by giving up the self for the Self but we just can't seem to do it. It isn't easy giving up that self no matter how much of a rascal it might be.   Why?

How can I surrender myself when my self is simply an urge to hold on...to cling...to cling to Life...to survive. I can see rationally that by clinging to myself I may strangle myself...like a person who has a bad habit as a result of which he is committing suicide but can't give it up because the means of death are so sweet.

So, we are habitually clinging, addicted to keeping this mental construct of "me", this  self concept of "my mind" alive. We cling at the same time we embark on these journeys of "self-improvement" which often include some psychological, physical, financial, social or spiritual goal and mission. It is like we, as self, are saying to self:

Kindly let me help you or you will drown [says the monkey putting the fish up a tree].

Self improvement...no matter how we do it is like a vicious circle. Alan Watts reminds us,

if you are really aware of your own inner workings you will realize there is nothing you can do to improve yourself...because you don't know what better is and you, who will do the improving, is the one that needs to be improved

Putting effort into improving is the opposite of improving

You can't be unself conscious on purpose....you can't be designedly spontaneous ...and you cannot be genuinely loving by intending to love...

An example from this human's life

when the degree becomes the point in the game of one-up-manship instead of learning for the sake of learning

I love learning.  I love learning for the sake of learning.  Most of my learning to date is informal, self-directed and not attached to a degree. (And there are decades of that type of formal as well as informal learning). I just love learning and I enjoyed the moments of felt experience I had during the process of randomly taking one course or another for no other purpose than to pursue my interest in the subject. If the years of university learning were directed by degree focus, I could have a PhD by now. Though I thoroughly enjoyed the process, there is a part of me that craves the "perks" of education that go beyond the love for learning.  The PhD still looks to me like a podium might look to an Olympic athlete...something to dream of, something to strive for. It would be, in my mind only, the ultimate symbol of my success over myself...the ultimate symbol of self-improvement. I often regret that I didn't direct my university learning into degree programs that would feed the craving and clinging needs of this self I am trying to improve: socially ( through recognition), financially (through better paying job opportunities: making money is a measure of your economic worthwhilenes),  and mentally and emotionally by creating in me an idea of "self improvement and success". There is, then, no real measure of my improvement here. At the same time, it is very challenging to look into this "craving" I have because it makes me feel like I failing in my truest mission to improve my spiritual self...the one that can transcend ego-grasping. I have obviously not improved there if I am still craving the ego perks of higher education. 

This idea of self-improvement, in whatever form it comes in, takes me around in circles. I don't seem to be doing much improvement. Then I hear Watts say:

The whole idea of self improvement is a hoax...there is nothing you can do to be better...

If we realized there is nothing we can do to improve ourselves or make the world a better place...this gives us a breather in the course of which we can simply watch what is going on...watch what happens

This helps me to look beyond my compartmentalization of this craving tendency ...the spiritual craving to transcend the ego mind is no better than or no worse than my craving to externally improve myself through a degree. 

The real world is not spiritual...it is not material...it is simply... [He claps here.... indicating...it simply is!]

Then he says,

Trying to improve yourself is like trying to lift yourself into the air by tugging on your own bootstraps.

No matter how much we strive to self improve by social and physical world standards, we will not succeed. Nor will striving to get beyond the mind so we can improve spiritually save us.  These intentions to improve are all constructs and ideas where we assume incorrectly that we have control. We don't.  What we simply need to do is breathe in and breathe out as we "notice" this Life blowing in and out of our awareness. 

Our job here is to notice and experience, not to improve.

All is well.

Alan Watts/Official Alan Watts Org ( September 16, 2025) Mind Over Mind: Self-Improvement, Grace, and the Paradox of Control. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lHXisYGjvmM&t=2s

Stand as a Rock; Know Who You Are- the One Self

 

Everything must complete the circle and come back to its source. 

Soul is not a force; neither is it thought. It is the manufacturer of thought, but not thought itself; it is the manufacturer of the body, but not the body...

You are only one; there is only one such Self, and that One Self is you...

When it is all One, who is there to hate, who is there to struggle with? When it is all He, with whom can you fight? 

"Tat Tvam Asi" (That thou art)...

Know that every thought and word that weakens you in this world is the only evil that exists. Whatever makes men weak and fear is the only evil that should be shunned...

Stand as a rock; you are indestructible. You are the Self, the God of the universe. Say- "I am Existence Absolute, Bliss Absolute, Knowledge Absolute, I am He," and like a lion breaking its cage, and be free forever. What frightens you , what holds you down? Only ignorance and delusion; nothing else can bind you. You are the Pure One, the Ever-Blessed.

Silly fools tell you that you are sinners, and you sit down in a corner and weep. It is foolishness, wickedness, down right rascality to say that you are sinners...

Is not the whole universe you? Where is there any one that is not you? You are the Soul of this universe. You are the sun, moon, and stars. It is you that is shining everywhere. The whole universe is you? Who are you going to hate or fight?

Vivekananda (n,d.) Chapter 2.5.12: Immorality [on the perfect, eternal, all knowing Oneness...of which we are a part ... expressed in the Vedas] Complete Works. Kindle Edition

Wow! These words hit me hard as I read them before falling to sleep.  They need no added interpretation.

All is well 

Drift like a cloud and Flow Like Water

 And you suddenly see through the whole sham of things. You realize "you're that" (we won't put a name on it.) You're that and you can't be anything else. So you are relieved of fundamental terror...to live without hangups...to drift like a cloud and flow like water....seeing that all life is a magnificent illusion...a playing of energy...and there is absolutely nothing fundamentally to be afraid of. 

Alan Watts

Hmm! During my practice of Tai Chi and hatha yoga I consciously try to move this body like a cloud (there is actually a form called "Cloud hands"in the 24 Yang style) and to flow like water. My intention is to have this "That"  that "I am" this Chi, this Chit Shakti....flow freely within this "me" and then to have it flow into this experience of Life. I wish to experience the play of energy so I am relieved of "fundamental terror."

Hmm!

All is well!

Robin Song and Suffering

 Suffering is your perceptions clashing with reality. 

Sven Schneiders

I heard a robin singing yesterday as I walked along the cedar-lined trail close by.  I felt a twisting in my gut as I heard that beautiful song.  Why? It is January on the Atlantic Canadian coastline...a very challenging climate for migrating birds like Robins, to endure. Knowing that on the conceptual level, my mind automatically said "This isn't right. This shouldn't be.  Robins don't do winter. He /she should have flown south months ago. The poor thing will likely suffer and perish if the weather gets any worse and it will likely get worse.  Something terrible is happening to our atmosphere and environment that is confusing the natural flow of things. This isn't right." 

 From there I found myself thinking about climate change, a suffering world, the suffering beings in my own little life, and my own puny suffering. Though it was not articulated...this thought emerged from the depths of my psyche: "There is so much suffering in the world!" I then felt an uneasiness throughout the rest of the day that I tried to escape through my Tai Chi practice, yoga, housecleaning, knitting, reading etc.... Whenever I thought of that robin, I felt the compulsion to "do" something that would bury the thoughts and feelings associated with that trigger. I couldn't seem to distract enough. I still feel that knot in my gut this morning.

A beautiful song...followed by a host of negative thoughts.  Hmm! What went on in there?

Well, I think there were two things going on...Firstly, there was an instinctual alarm going off signalling my perceptive "survivor's" brain to determine when there is something out of order that might validate my need to be on alert and secondly there was  a habitual and negative pattern of responding to such things followed by resistance occuring. 

Yes...it was instinctual to feel alarm when one hears such "dissonance"...My physical brain knew automatically that the song, though beautiful and soothing in spring, was highly "unusual" in winter.   It picked up the unsuitability of that sound. It concluded that this sound should not be heard this time of the year. This  "should not" led to a physical reaction to prepare this human to fight, flight, or freeze.   Almost automatically I felt something was "wrong" and the belly clenched up. From amygdala to belly in a matter of milliseconds. 

The second part of that is that the resisting mind kicked in with the alarm from the amygdala and the subtle reactivation of the sympathetic nervous system.  Instead of simply just accepting that there was a robin singing around me in winter...I automatically went into resistance mode... "No! This is wrong, bad, shouldn't be?" 

Shouldn't be?

Where does that "shouldn't be" get us?  Nowhere.  Why? Because...It is.  That simple... The reality is: there was a robin out there for whatever reason. Right time/wrong time...doesn't matter.  There was a robin singing outside on a cool January morning. 

From the "shouldn't be" the resisting mind gathered the forces of the negative mind to prove its point...to validate a deeply held core belief that "there is too much suffering in the world"...and a host of negative thoughts emerged, also it seems, automatically...I was pulled into "suffering mind"...a mind that perceives and dwells in the suffering and misery of the world. I concluded that the robin was suffering or would suffer miserably because it was in a time and place it "shouldn't " be in. From there it just got more negative as I pictured it searching for food it couldn't find, freezing, and starving to death. Now there was a good dose of compassion and genuine concern for the well being of another wrapped around all that thinking...a sense of inter-beingness and connection etc ....which is always wholesome...yet the perception of the possible turn of events was very negative, unskillful, and unwholesome. I automatically assumed the worse suffering because the mind judged the situation as "bad, wrong, shouldn't be."  It validated my core beliefs about suffering. From there the suffering of those around me filled my mind. It was uncanny how fast it all seemed to happen. Then, I went into resistance mode trying to forget about the robin and all the thoughts it brought with it, to distract and numb as I supressed and repressed...which just made all the other things I had stuffed come up. This brought me to this one truth...this human I call "me" suffers when things are not as she assumes they "should be" and she automatically gets lost in negativity related to a core belief which leads to her resistance-to -suffering behaviours. 

What can be learned from this?

Well, obviously I must explore and counter this deeply held core belief that comes up with triggers that "there is too much suffering in the world".  Do you have such a belief you too need to counter?

Is there too much suffering in the world?

There is suffering for sure.  But is there too much or just enough to wake us up? What is this suffering and where does it come from, anyway? That suffering, I see clearly,  does not originate "out there" when things seem out of place.  It originates and blossoms in the human mind when we assume things should be different than what they are and we then resist the reality of what is. Suffering is a "perception" not a life happening. 

Is that robin actually suffering? January is not the most suitable time for a robin to be here. True. That robin may be colder than it is in June. True.That robin may be more challenged to find food. True. But...does the robin actually perceive suffering or just hardship? Does the robin resist the fact that it is here? Or does it simply accept that it is here regardless of its winter challenges?  It is still singing the most beautiful of songs afterall.  Truth is, we don't know why some robins are not all flying south these days.  That is between the robin and whatever changes are taking place in nature/Life. It just is.

This robin was not there to validate that "there is too much suffering in the world". It was just a robin singing in winter...It had nothing to do with this human called "me". Hearing it, though, indirectly  reminded me to look at this belief and to see my reaction to it (negative thought correlation and resistance to what is)...to relax into it and  to counter that belief with a more positive truth. 

We can explore and heal our minds and thus get beyond suffering.

All is well 

The Beauty In Being Humbled

 

A mistake that makes you humble is better than an achievement that makes you arrogant.

Unknown

I had an eye -opening experience yesterday, a humbling one, one that put ego in its place, and left me a little "off" as I contemplated it throughout the day and even into the night. It is an experience I am grateful for despite what it did to my poor old ego lol.

I believe I failed something that I assumed would come so easy to me...an assessment I used informally on others in so many different ways over my years as a tutor and in writing a book (by a name that ironically encapsulated the purpose of the testing). The experience yesterday was as humbling as having the pre-read assessment of other books I have written resulting in a "not quite good enough" from someone before I did what I intended to do with them. Hmm!  I recognized ego being deflated as I was tested...knowing when I was getting it and when I wasn't hearing or pronouncing what I was supposed to.  On hindsight I now know what I could have done to make the results better but during the testing that " know-how" somehow escaped me. And I "over thought" the answers instead of allowing my natural language speaking ability to lead the way. I didn't perform well lol. 

Though I knew at the closing that I didn't do as well as I thought I would and felt a sense of "embarrassment" and " failure" as the air hissed its way out of ego's balloon...I also felt so much gratitude for the experience. I recognized that this human had some work to do, not only in regard to phonemic and phonological awareness...but also in putting a way a need to make ego appear greater than it was. It was humbling! I am grateful for that humbling. 

It also gave me the opportunity to experience what it is like to be a struggling reader on the other side of that assessment, be it formal or informal. Though I believe I have always been very empathetic, caring, patient, and encouraging with my struggling readers pointing out their strengths and potential...this added new light to any similar endeavors I might potentially take on in the future ( if I ever do after this testing that is...lol). I recognized, as well, the importance of having the right degree of "know-how" in the person working with each student who is struggling to read...(or in the author of a book purporting to have the ability to assist others in such matters. So, I need to go back and practice all that I am asking others to practice :)   

When it comes down to teaching in any of its forms...it is about the student and not the ego of the teacher/tutor/ strategist/ or author. I want each student to get what they need to succeed...and if I am truly not skilled enough to provide that...so be it. I need to accept that reality and excuse myself from the table so someone who is skilled enough can sit down.  The axiom that fueled my approach in nursing, and later in my approach to teaching became loud in my head..."First...do no harm." Sigh!

So, I sincerely thanked the assesor for the experience and walked away feeling a mixture of things as I processed what happened. It did trigger some old samskaras, of course, but it also showed that I am opening up new neural pathways in response to such perceived failures.  I am seeing the learning, the growing opportunity, and the healing that can come from being humbled. That, I believe, is a beautiful thing.

Be as it may.

Unknown/Michael Singer

All is well.

. 

Not Letting Yesterday Take Up Too Much of Today

 Don't let yesterday take up too much of today.

Will Rogers

Can't every quote of the day apply in some way to the teaching/ learning which is actually the  learning/teaching I do here?  This one certainly can.  

Just a few entries ago, I spoke about the need to get away from the human attachment to time as a linear process...and to see the eternity in each moment we are in so we can "live" today.  I also often speak of samskaras. Aren't samskaras all about allowing yesterday to take up too much of our day?  Isn't that stored and stuffed stuff responsible for how yesterday prevents us from truly having the felt experience of today? Is this simple yet sage advice from Will Rogers something an enlightened  yogi might say, or the Buddha might have taught? It is, at least, something we should all remember.  

We need to let go of our attachment to yesterday, our samskaras that create this idea of "me"based on a past story.  We need to stop being so attached to this "history" which is nothing more than a story we tell ourselves and others. If we want to be free to experience the "felt experience" of Life we need to let go our yesterday focus...and live here and now. We cannot let yesterday take up too much of our days.

All is well

The Driver Isn't Ego

 

If you are working on something you really care about, you don't have to be pushed. The Vision pulls you.

Steve Jobs

I often try to justify and rationalize why this 60 + "crazy lady" is spending her time here spewing off all this "crazy talk" in words and video. Though I obviously have an ego and it still pops up every now and again looking to gain something from this experience...it is not the driver of this vehichle I am in. It spends most of its time, in fact, in the back seat screaming "OMG...What are you doing? Why are you turning there? Why are you going there? Don't go there, don't do that! That's not the right way! You are making a fool of yourself. Let me drive for F*&^ (fork) sake!" 

The driver has to do a lot of "ignoring ego" to concentrate on the road and to keep this car moving.  So, it isn't egoic motivation that puts me here every morning. Though ego likes to see the big numbers on the stats page and does the worrying about how this will turn out in the negative way ( Will people/bots/ whatever use the site for ulterior means? Will they reject it, dismiss it, diminish it, and judge the "me" creating it?) , the driver cares very little about all that.  It is able to notice what ego is saying and doing without getting all distracted by it. It stays focused. It has something to do...a place to get to ( I really don't know where that place is lol) and It just keeps going. It is like the driver knows what It is doing and where It is going even if I don't. Sigh!  This human I call "me" is just going along for the ride. 

As for Ego...ego can get out of the vehichle any time it wants to. 

All is well

Effortless Action and Non-Resistance

 Act without striving. Work without forcing.

Lao Tzu

All is well!

No Room For Effort

 In the practice of buddhism there is no room for effort.  Sleep when you are tired, move your bowels, eat when you are hungry. That's all. The ignorant will laugh at me but the wise will understand.

Zen MasterRinsai/Lin Chi

As I practice Tai Chi and think about "Chi" I want to know more about  the philosophies from which it orginated. I discovered in my research that it came mostly from Taoist thought in ancient China, dating back about 4000 years. It also incorporated other Chinese influences over time: Zen Buddhism (which itself was influenced by Taoist thought), for example, and it later evolved into a gentle martial art created by Shaolin monks.  There is also some Confusism in its elvolving thought and practice. Today, Tai Chi is often viewed as no more than a "gentle exercise done in parks by old people". It is so much more than that. As we do with yoga, we sometimes confuse the orgins of the exercise with the philosophy that started it. Though the original Tai Chi may be 4000 years old the actual physical exercise that is done today is only hundreds of years old. Why would we do the exercise other than to "move our aging bodies in a gentle way"? 

I want to know more about the philosophy of Zen and Tao.  I have such a hard time distinguishing the differences between the two.  I listened to Alan Watts this morning in hope that he would shed some light on that. I discovered, however, there were more simalarities than differences. I can relate those simalarities to the practice of Tai Chi.

Two things that stuck with me, as I listened to his lecture, were these ideas of "effortless action" and the uniterrupted flow from "thought, after thought, after thought" which is equivalent to "only this moment."

Effortless Action

Well Tai Chi is all about effortless action.  If you watch the forms being performed by a master...you will see an effortless flow from one movement to the next.  It doesn't look challenging (I am discovering it is more challenging than it looks)...it looks effortless. As a martial art it incorporates the idea of least amount of effort and tension as well. The idea is to relax into the opponents energy, and instead of resisting and tensing up against it ...to harmonize and flow with it...to use it and your own "chi". So the fight becomes a "dance" rather than a struggle. 

Tao is about getting  free from karma without announcing it or challenging it,,,

The taoist shows you the short cut by using intelligence rather than effort, using cleverness rather than muscle...

No Progression in time

There is also no progression in time in Taoist /Zen thought. We are the stream of consciousness and we are not changing as things change.  We can only be in this moment.  There is only this moment.

ShoboaGenzo/Alan Watts: "There is no such thing as a progression in time.  The spring does not become the summer. There is first spring and then there is summer.  In the same way, the you now does not become you later. 

The continuinity of the person from past to present to future is as illusionary as the red rings on a barber's pole. 

Our seeming to go along in a course of time...doesn't really happen 

There really is no problems. We make problems by connecting these events in time to each other. We block the stream of eternal and ever present consciousness when we do that, creating the illusion of suffering. 

Suffering exists but no one who suffers; deeds exist but no doers are found...a path there is but no one that follows it. nirvana there is but no one that attains it...Buddhagosha's Vishuddhimagga

As long as you are in the present no problems exist.

Q: What is the mind of a child? 

A: A mind is a mountain stream ? Thought after a thought after thoughter with no block. [no hesitation...automatically...no connection to each other...this is the stream of consciousness]

Blocking consists in letting the stream become connected, chained together...when such a thought arises it seems to be dragging its past or resisting its future....when the blocking stops, you have broken the chain of karma. This is nirvanna.

We need to learn to see things in their suchness. 

Q: What makes dying a problem?...

A: You are dragging a past...all the things you collected and stored in your psyche...identifying you as you say you are...memory...into this one experience, creating a problem with it...all that has to go...and that is why we don't like death...we do not want to let go of this idea of "me" and all we clung to...without this accumulation of events stored and blocking the stream of consciousness, death would not be a problem...

What we cling to, what we dread...spoils the taste of what we have to experience today

The taoist trick says...simply live now and there will be no problems 

Everyday is a good day on condition they come one after another... and yet there is only this one...you don't link them...things just do what they do....it has no meaning, it has no destination; it has no value...

Until we are awakened and truly understand the nature of suchness, we must not link one thought to the other, one moment to the next. Onnce we are there though, we can begin to observe these links again.

When you are firmly established in suchness and there is just this moment you can begin again to play with the connections...only you see through them...and now you see they don't haunt you...because you know there isn't any continous you running after them that originated in the past and that will die in the future

To the naive student mountains are mountains, waters are waters; to the intemediate student mountains are no longer mountains, waters are no longer waterss, but  for the fully perfected student, mountains are once again mountains and waters are once again waters. Qingyaun Wixein's saying as quoted by Alan Watts

Hmm! So much to learn and think about...but without effort and without connecting each new thought to the other. :) 

All is well.

Official Alan Watts Org/ Alan Watts (2020?) Taoist Way-Full Lecture.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ql4wGGTDapA&list=PLk-d6iSPJdcUet3g8CkTOGhzbgbhIQZm7

The Use of "We" over "Me"

 Some of you think the world would be better off this way, with all the newfound peace, love, and understanding. Enjoy that opinion. Relish it. Because it may be the last one you ever have.

Carol addressing the others who are okay with the infection Pluribus ( Apple TV) 

I was watching Pluribus last evening and listening as the "ego-less"  characters infected with the virus expressed themselves as "we". Though Carol, one of the uninfected, resented the use of that pronoun, resented the loss of ego, and resisted the letting go of the belief in "individuality" and "separation" she was gaining great respect and admiration for the infected. She was seeing what could be: this sense of joy that came from inside, not outside; this "Oneness" with all Life...the inability to do any harm to others, the inability to lie; overwhelming compassion and empathy...selflessness etc. She openly called them "weirdos" but gradually found comfort in their presence.  Still, she was greatly resistant to letting go of her own individual ego and sense of "self" for the joy that the others promised would come with the "joining". 

Two things crossed my mind as I watched this program: "Wow! It sounds like Yoga...and the infection is actually samadhi...they all have the ciddhis and everything. " And "Human lonliness and chronic dissatisfaction  is being used to draw the human race in. The "weirdos" are all acting like they have been hypnotised and indoctrinated by a cult leader. And Carol is resisting that and trying to bring it to light. Yet, there is no mention of a leader???" Hmm! Either way ...the infection is described as being a form of freedom, an end to human suffering in any of its forms, complete knowing, Bliss and Enlightenment. 

At this point, all we see is that the use of "we" is a contraversial thing...we cannot, as viewers, judge it as "bad" or "good" at this point. 

So, I wanted to write about this use of pronouns that us "uninfected" tend to overuse this morning.  Lo and behold...what showed up as read on my stats page this am: at least two entries where I spoke of "My and Mine" over the years. Pretty cool.

All is well.

Future and Daily Routine

 The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine.

unknown

Took another quote of the day to ground my thinking and writing this morning. 

Hmm! So what will happen in the future is likely related to whatever it is we are doing now. What am I doing now? What routine have I established since I have moved in here?

 Every morning I wake up and come here with a cup of tea.  I read past entries. I listen to some external source of wisdom.  I write. Then I meditate, practice Tai Chi, do 30 minutes of hatha yoga.  Morning...gone. In the afternoon: I clean and tidy, go for a 40 minute walk, commune a bit with nature (discovered a family of deer I try to see on every walk), may or may not do a yoga nidra in the afternoon. I read. I knit, watch TV, read again, and meditate in the evening.  Amongst all that I feed myself and others ( including the animals), I take care of basic needs, I may walk the dogs a bit ( they require a shorter walk than the one I do), I am still working on the house,  I communicate with those in need to make sure everyone is at least still alive. What do I "not" do that my mind is telling me has to be added to my routine? Work! I am looking for remote teaching/tutoring work to add to my routine-and of course, I still have those books I told myself I would be inspired to finish in this new area ( the novel and the non-fiction one on Fear and Shame). On top of that I know I still need to work in some paying form. 

So, what does this daily routine say about my future.  Well if I keep going without paid work...I am going to be very, very poor in the future. lol. Hopefully, from what I do incoporate into my routine...I will become more awakened or at least more in touch with my Chi/shakti with my morning practice.  At the very least, I will become more fit. I already feel myself becoming more toned in different muscle groups since I started the Tai Chi practice and the walking. This I am hoping may mean lower levels of cholesterol in the future and stronger bones. My biggest goal is to heal at the deepest level, to experience more of a flow within, and more of a connection with the flow of Life energy. I think my daily routine is indicative that that might happen. 

What about the writing? Well the blog writing may never go "external" but what it offers me internally is something that will add to my future life in a positive way. It is healing and helping me to get closer to my ultimate goal. If I don't write and submit these other books, however, they will go nowhere, help no one.  So, I need to add that type of writing to my routine.

I also have to change or add to some of my routine if I want a healthier future. 

If I do not add some "money-making activity" to my daily routine now...there will be no change in my financial status in the future. 

Anyway, I do agree that we set the pattern in the now for how Life will respond in the future.  Even with our thinking alone...we need to intend positively so we live positively. Hmm!

All is well

The Secret of Success?

 Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts. This is the secret of success.

Swami Sivanada

I didn't know what to write about this morning so I looked up the quote of the day. And...it was from a yogi. Go figure.

What is even crazier is that I woke up thinking about the little writing books I wrote with such fevor and passion this year.  I kind of gave up the "outcome"  for the writing of them after receiving some less than positive feedback from someone about my flimsy intentions for them.  My egoic self dreamed of some type of minor success...recognition...some finacial compensation even...but it dreamed of an outcome of redemption mostly.  Much of what I do has this motivation for redemption entwined in it. I am looking for the things I "do" or "create" to "lift me up" from these messy life circumstances and from this messy mind this human is living through. The writing of this series was a small act. I did put my heart, mind, and soul into the act itself...I enjoyed the process. The outcome was not successful in outer world terms but maybe it was successful in inner world terms.  Maybe, enjoying the process while detaching from outcome is truly the secret of success.  

All is well.

Watching and Learning From Ego in the Political Arena

 

One of the penalties of  refusing to participate in politics is that you end up being governed by your inferiors.

Plato

It is hard to look compassionately and with forgiveness at those in political power who are doing autrocious things against humanity....and doing so with such great arrogance, self-righteous conviction, dishonesty, and, I have to say, "utter stupidity".  It is hard to believe the fact that these leaders got voted in, elected, and preferred by the majority. It is even harder to accept the fact that they simply represent the collective mind set. It is hard not to automatically go into "fight mode", taking sides, further polorizing,  rallying against "them" on the other side, to hate them and anyone who follows what we judge as "sick ideologies" etc as we ask the universe, "This is how humanity thinks? This is how humanity wants to live? The world is falling to pieces. Is it hopeless now?" 

But accept is exactly what we must do...accept, learn, and grow from what we are observing.

Accept, Learn, and Grow!

It would be easy to get lost in that mindset of resistance, anger, blame, and defeat after a few minutes listening or watching  any news ( that doesn't come from Fox :)) and to feel like the world is falling a part. It would be easy to give into the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness, believing that the human race is doomed and there is nothing to be done about it.

But...

There is another way of looking at this.  

The world is not falling a part ...it is simply changing, evolving as it is meant to do. So is the human race.  Like all evolutionary changes that occur in a species, awareness of what no longer serves comes into the forefront prior to the change taking place. Before that behaviour, that physical trait falls away, the unnecessity of that thing becomes obvious.  That land animal (Pakicetus, for example) transitioning into a beautiful marine whale...no longer needs the tail or legs. The unnecessity of tail and legs becomes obvious before they change to flippers and a fluke.  It doesn't need the teeth for mashing up its prey any more...mouths change. Through a process of many steps, it slowly evolves into an intelligent, highly social and more peaceful creature that is much more suited for the new environment it is in. 

Ego No Longer Needed

What are we seeing, that is becoming so flamboyantly obvious, in our political leaders that represent the social mind? We are seeing ego in its most obvious form.  We are seeing selfishness, and greed.  We are seeing the dangerous use of "I, me, and mine" both in reference to the leader themselves and the nations they represent. We are seeing the idea of "separation" being propagated which leads to defense and attack...and then even greater separation. It is becoming so very obvious that this "ego" does not serve humanity in any way, shape, or form through the flamboyantly destructive actions of these leaders...

It is becoming so obvious, is it not,  that egos are in the way of us achieving what is now needed in this ever changing environment: peace, compassion, harmony, balance, unity, and most of all love? We have to see the separate and collective ego for what it is- how it is anything but useful- before we can put it aside to morph into this more evolved state we are heading toward. What greater way to see it than when it is put in the forefront of our societies, when we see what these egos can do when they are given power.  This becomes obvious: These egos are not only no longer necessary...they are counterproductive to our survival. 

So, though it is challenging to look at those in political power with forgiveness and compassion...we can see that their exploitation of ego is serving humanity more so than it is harming it. We can see how useless and destructive these concepts of "I, me, and mine" are.  This dispaly is assisting with necessary change by allowing humans to see how this mindset does not serve. Change will come from that realization...great change! Instead of putting all our energy into fruitlessly  hating and resisting what is happening in the political forefront, we simply need to sit back and observe knowing that this is taking us to a higher place. 

What about forgiving them?

Remember: these leaders are still in the Pakicetus stage of evolution and they are just doing what Pakicetus' do. They may fear the change ahead and are simply trying to protect what they know. 

They know not what they do. Luke 23:34

Besides...they represent the collective mindset or at least some parts of the dogma we are still clinging to, the egos we have yet to let go of.  They are showing us that we still cling to egos within our little selves. So yes,  they are worthy of our compassion and our forgiveness. They are us. Some parts of each and everyone of us are still clinging to those egoic ideologies these leaders represent.  Otherwise, they would never have been voted in. 

From here...we must accept that all this is happening.  We do not need to agree with it or like it but  what has happened has happened.  There is no changing the past. Then ...we need to observe this thing called "ego" and its destructive nature on this very obvious stage we have been given to watch it on.  Observe objectively. See the importance of "awareness" and "realization" over ignorance, resistance, and judgement. 

Breathe! Breathe alot! 

Instead of giving into the negativity of this experience...start training the mind to see the positive.  Know that change is coming, change is ineveitable, that the the human race is evolving and it it is always going forward, never backwards. The process of adaptation to change, however, involves firstly becoming aware of what is no longer needed for survival.  These power hungry egos so flamboyantly dispalyed in the political arena, and still so quietly hiding in us....are no longer necessary. We need to let them go for the greater good. When we let them go, we can morph into the compassionate, peaceful,  loving and wiser creatures we are meant to be as this world continues to change around us.

This is not a world falling a part.  It is simply a world changing.

The measure of a man is what he does with power.

Plato

All is well.

Gurus Engaging in Misdeeds?

 In Hinduism, a spiritual guru enjoys more respect than even parents because he not only gives his disciples a spiritual rebirth but also leads them on the path of liberation. Hence, he is even considered God in human form, and at times even ritually worshipped. Unfortunately, this sentiment is often exploited by fake gurus who assume the role of a spiritual master without necessary qualifications and engage in misdeeds.

 https://www.hinduwebsite.com/buzz/ten-signs-of-a-fake-guru.asp

Misdeeds?

I watched a 2024 Andre Duqum podcast last evening as he interviewed this very charsimatic and calming personality dressed like a vedic monk...someone I never seen before. I was immediately drawn to the interviewee.  His persona seemed so "trustworthy" and attractive because it seemed so "humble". He spoke with such quiet conviction. I seen the powerful charisma in him. I wanted to look at him and I wanted to listen to him...and I wanted to believe him. That was when the first red flag was planted in my gut.  I asked out loud, "Is this a form of subtle hypnosis? Is he authentic or a cult leader?" 

I watched Andre interview him.  Though he was a pleasant, professional and receptive interviewer...I noticed that the expression on his face was not one of complete openness...especially over the discussion on the monk's experience of "samadhi" after one meditation experience.  Another little red flag. 

Then the monk, (who will remain unnamed for now in respect for the podcaster) began to speak of this organization he headed and his definition of "bhakti" which really meant- devotion to him as the guru.  That was the biggest red flag. I needed to investigate more. So, I did research today.

The first thing I discovered was that though he dressed like a vedic monk...he was called a "neo-Hindu religious leader". He wasn't accepted amongst traditional hindu leaders.  That was a very big flag. Then I seen that he went beyond the notion of "Tat Tvam Assi" to call himself ...in a sense...an incarnation of God. Not so humble! Red flag! Finally, I began to read that there were allegations made against him. Most of the publicized  allegations were against his right hand man who he himself publically claimed to be an incarnation of Shiva. Hmm! He was God and this disciple was Shiva? In his disciple's ashram, which I assume would be under his control, horrific abuse was said to have occurred. I went on to listen to the testimony of people who "escaped". 

It was brutal and it stirred up my interest in cults again. It  made me question, once again, the problem with devotion to a guru who has such charisimatic abilities. 

Oh man...how does one trust someone claiming to be a spiritual leader out to serve our best interests and spiritual growth? Truth is - we can't.

Be careful with those professing that the "sweetness of bhakti" is best experienced by serving another human being with a hungry ego.

Hmm! All is well. 

The Beautiful Dance

 What matters is what you experience...what you feel...

You are capable of a constant open flow of this river of joy that is always passing through your heart.

Michael A. Singer

Energy is a real thing no matter if we can or cannot see it or intellectualize it or pick it up on a MRI or even what we name it: Shakti, Prana, Chi, Qi. Energy is real.  How do we know? Because we can feel it...we notice it inside us...we experience it.  We are aware when we are up, and we are aware when we are down. That is energy moving in us. 

I remember what the Tai Chi Master taught us in those early classes I took in the 90's. He suggested that we rub our hands together and slowly pull the palms a part...what we experience in the palms is the vibration of energy. The palms are holders and distributers of "Chi" (what energy is called in this practice) and the position of the hand is a very important part of it. Of course, Tai Chi is a martial art and every position of the hand/palm is either a defensive (retreat and protect) or offensive move ( strike) but it is not a "resistance" or "fight against the opponent" art.  It involves a balancing, relaxing, harmonizing and working with ...not against...the energy of the opponent (the energy of Life). There is no resistance in Tai Chi. There is an openness to the energy the opponent is expressing towards us...and Tai Chi is a means of absorbing, using, and letting go of that energy as well as our own.  It is a passsing on of a relaxed and calm Chi from us. Hmm! 

Tai Chi offers a wonderful analogy for life and dealing with reality. Handle what is coming at you. Relax first...get yourself balanced...lean this way gently, gracefully, purposefully, slowly...pause...lean this way gently, gracefully, purposefully, slowly.  Stay open . Allow the energy to flow from the other, from Life...and allow it to harmonize with the energy in you. It becomes a dance.  Watch a  true master doing a practice and see how beautiful and graceful of a dance it is. You can see the "flow" in the soft and subtle movements. It is absolutely beautiful. 

Using the energy  that is always there within us and outside of us as we process through Life can be  a beautiful dance. That is why I am coming back to Tai Chi.  I want to "feel" and experience Chi (Shakti, Prana). I want to dance with the energy of Life.

We all need to start letting go of the stuff we tend to store inside us that blocks this energy flow...and this tendency we have to tense up and resist Life so we learn to stay open...not just when we are practicing Tai Chi but in whatever we do.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (n.d) Extra Talks: Working With Your Inner Energy Flow.https://tou.org/talk-archive/

The Omnipresent and Immortal Soul

 You were never born, and you will never die. What is this birth and death that we see around us? This belongs to the body only, because the soul is omnipresent.

Vivekanada

Michael A. Singer shared that same sentiment in the Mayim's Breakdown Podcast I now love to listen to. This is what a yogi sees...no birth, no death...A yogie sees the soul or Self beyond the body and mind. Hmm!

All is well

Dr. Mayim Bialik (January 6, 2025) Michael Singer: Why We Never Truly Die.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uk6vudReNC8&t=9s

Swami Vivekanada (n.d.) Chapter 2.5.12 Immortality. Complete Works. Kindle Edition

Inside

 

Passion is divine energy wanting to express itself.  Energy is blocked. Passion is very holy.  It is actually saying, "I want that shakti!" 

You do not need a spiritual practice. You are a great spiritual being...you are beautiful ...you are  filled with shakti.

The outside world has its nature. [And the inside world has its as well...independent of the outside.]

All is well!

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True. ( January 5, 2025) Spirituality Beyond Rules: Transmuting passion into Divine Flow.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RszOb0bH9g8

A New Practice

 They say whoever practices Tai Chi correctly and regularly, twice a day, over a period of time will gain the pliability of a child, the health of a lumber jack, and the peace of mind of a sage.

I started practicing Tai Chi again. Years ago I joined a class program on Tai Chi Chaun...the long form (108 postures). I had most of them down pat by the time I finished.  But I did not, by any means, master the essence of this sport. I was a very outcome focused person then...intent on mastering skills especially where it came to physical fitness. My approach to Tai Chi now is much different.  My goal is more on that which I deemed as "woo-woo" back then...the flow of Chi and wu-wei...which is the basic element of all martial arts ( and yes Tai Chi is a martial art...a beautiful dancing flow of effortless protection and defense). Though I am intent on learning all 24 moves of the short form ( Yang style...this time) I am embracing the learning of each form...one move at a time...and expereincing the delicate , often unseen, steps that exist in each individual posture. I spent hours yesterday on learning/re-learning the first three postures: Commencement, Parting the Horse's Mane, and White Crane Spreads Its Wings...and I will add a couple of new moves a day...until I am able to perform  all 24 in a beautiful flow. I don't care how long it takes to learn them all...I will focus only on each daily practice as if it was to be my only practice. 

I remember being told when I first joined up for the Tai Chi class in the 90's that it would take years to learn all poses and to be able to put them together.  I scoffed a bit at the teacher thinking, "He doesn't know how determined I am...I will learn this flow in six months." I did but I really didn't "learn" anything...other than how to move the body. Sigh!

This time I am determined to do it slowly and to learn to "feel" the Chi moving through my body without effort or resistance. Sigh! 

There is only one thing we must do to gain the marvelous benefits of Tai Chi...and that is to practice.

All is well! 

Wu Wei, Paradox, and Creating a Zen-like Environment that Honors Space and Solitude

 [Wu Wei= non-interference with nature, with "what is"]...but it means , not taking the line of least resistance but finding out the grain of the situation and going with it.  And this whole philosophy of nature, as man as an integral part of nature, not seperated from it and dominating it, but in it and moving with it, his intelligence representing the same force that moves in mountains, and stars, and plants and trees, is to build works of art that are at the same time works of nature, rather than works of artificiality.

Alan Watts

Am I moving with nature or am I still trying to stand out against nature?

It isn't that I am trying to create a "work of art" in this little environment but I am trying to work with nature and my own need for space and solitude. In this tiny cramped place it is challenging not to give into the western need for distracting clutter. Though I have purged about 80 percent of "my stuff" to fit into this space...the 20 percent I bring with me does not make this home look like a "zen" home...let me tell ya.  That's okay...it doesn't have to be.  I am afterall a conditioned westerner...who believes at some subconscious level that as a human...my creations are meant to stand out in contrast to nature... to express "my personality".  Sigh! There is still a personality here that wants to be seen and recognized. I am working on it. There is obviously much more evolving to do.lol

...when you forget about your personality and you become interested in something else, that you become interesting to other people. So, in the same way when you learn to love solitude that, paradoxically, it may seem you're better able to get on with others...the paradox or backwards law....contrary things come from actions, unexpected things...When you would be strong, very often the best course is to be weak. When you would be powerful, the best course is often to withdraw.

I need to follow the principle of wu wei. I need to cultivate a Zen garden inside me...not outside me...one where there is emptiness and space.

...all things come out of emptiness...emptiness is created...nothing is more fertile than emptiness..

All is well!

Alan Watts/Simple Art-Inspire (December, 2025) Don't force Life- Alan WAtts of Wu Wei, Zen Gardens, and Solitude. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ahW5Qr6ADKI

On Meditation

To get in touch with reality there is the art of meditation...concerned only with what is...reality...nothing else...so don't seek or expect a result from what you are doing...simply be here...get to the naked reality of what is

Alan Watts

I am hoping to begin a more serious meditation practice while here...well not "serious"...more committed to accepting whatever arises as I sit in stillness. I just need to sit...which because of everything we have been doing in the last month...I neglected doing.  Was so busy "doing" I neglected settling into "being". Hmm! I want to return to my practice...the most important practice I have in this Life. 

All is well! 

Alan Watts (1973) Final Radio Interview 1973: A Cosmic Conversation on Life as Play https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S9QVzSFh_ZQ

"Happy New Year" for a Happy Year

 As we wish each other a Happy New Year, let us determine to be more compassionate, warm-hearted human beings, trying to make our world a more equal place. That way, we'll actually make it a happy year.

The Dalai Lama

I love the Holiness' message. The most important thing, I believe, we can offer each other this year is our peace and gentleness through our compassion. Our goal should be to make the world an "equal place." It starts with making our own minds and hearts peaceful and gentle. 

Happy New Year...from my intention of a peaceful and gentle heart to yours.

Actually ...the coming year...whether it becomes a happy year or miserable year depends on us.

All is well.

Dalai Lama/Tibetan Doon Boy ( January 1, 2026) His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama New Year 2026 Message. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tatpboFpSag&t=21s

"I Can Handle It!"

You are not a little tiny ego...you are far greater than that...."and these things that I do, you shall do even greater things."

You are a great being but you are limiting yourself by what you collected and said, "This is me!".

Michael Singer

Sometimes, I get so absorbed into this false idea that I am a tiny little entity with so many "problems" to deal with. I forget who I am...who we all are. Breaking this identification with the false self for realization of the true Self...is a life long effort...it really is. 

Things seem so problematic and tough when we see our selves as so tiny and limited. We need to remember, when faced with reality and its challenges, :

 I can handle it!

All is well! 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( December, 2025) God Wants to Experience It All!: Will You Let Him? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KiGND1udC8&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=3

Remembering Self

 Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.

Aristotle

Ahhh...this ego so easily pulls us back in if we are not mindful of this tendency.  I slipped since the move and found myself consumed by ego's need to collect grievances, prefer something other than what is, resisting reality etc. As ego swelled up the way it does...sometimes with pride, other times with shame....always with fear...I found myself less and less mindful of what is really important. My energy got sucked right down into this narrow little focus of attention: a change in physical environment, a smaller space than what I am used to, a tired body that did more activity than a mind said it should have, a subsequent flu bug, a reactivation of an old ego trigger related to health seeking, getting caught up in holiday traditions that always confuses me etc  and this grievance collection thing just took over. Sigh! I almost forgot who I was.

Now, I am remembering...I am remembering again...who I am. Thank God! Where the body and mind is in physical space is inconsequential to where the Self always is. Sat Chit Ananda...is not bound by geography.

All is well!

Adapting

 

It is not the strongest of a species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most resilient and responsive to change.

Charles Darwin

I am sitting  in this new spot in a place about 25 minutes away from where my heart still calls "home" and I keep reciting the quote I recently picked up about change: The beginning of a change can be difficult; the middle of a change can be downright messy; and the end of a change can be gorgeous.  Well...I am nowhere near gorgeous lol. 

A few hours after my last entry we closed the door behind us here, sighed, and I was knocked off my feet by a flu bug.... the one I was dodging and ignoring for days. It was wicked.  It still is wicked.  After 11 days I am still barely able to get from the couch to the kitchen...and believe me...in this shoe box...that isn't very far lol. The week is a blur...the move in is a blur, Christmas is a blur; the seven hour wait in Emergency on Christmas day is a blur (after thinking I was getting better I started to get the symptoms of pneumonia again and wanted to catch it before it brewed into something I couldn't handle...how I ended up regretting that decision to be proactive  lol. Seven hours of shivering/shaking with chills and coughing up a bloody storm I was the very last person since my arrival to ER to be called in because I was triaged as the most non-urgent case there. I wasn't lol...but for some reason I needed that familiar sensitivity trigger of being unvalidated on top of everything else the week provided...sigh).  

That just added to the blur of coming back to this place I still can not seem to call home...where nothing got put away ( basically because there is no place to put anything). The growing piles were taunting me from every corner as they got bigger and bigger. I was having a hard time breathing anyway but that sense of claustophobia just added to the distress...it was overwhelming.  It did not feel like "home". Normally, I go "outdoors" when I need to feel the spaciousness but I literally could barely lift my head off the pillow. I felt I was drowning and this little house was becoming more and more inhospitable to my mind. I found myself crying out, "I want to go home...I just want to go home. What have I done?" 

What have I done?

I try to remind myself why I made this decision in the first place.  I know it was for the "greater good" of which the "me" is only a tiny, tiny part.  Yet, this "me" has been inflammed by this bug, and the ER trigger, and the lack of "personal space and comfort" it finds itself dealing with. It has become so swollen it is hard to see around it to the more lasting reasons for this decision..Sigh!

Adapting?

Having a moment adapting to change, I suppose.  There is so much this "me" needs to adapt to that goes well beyond "physical comfort". I need to find connection with my greater Self here...somehow.  I need to connect to this land somehow. It is, afterall,  an ancient and sacred land that surrounds us here...I want to feel that somehow.  I don't know.  I guess, it all begins with a good breath of air and a walk outside. (For now...I would be happy with a good breath of air...lol).

We will all get there...to that place we are meant to be... somehow. We will adapt or move on like all living cells in Darwinian biology learn to do.

All is well.  

An Attitude for Hard Work?

 It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it.

Lou Holtz

This will likely be my last post in this house.  After a few days of extension on our self imposed deadline we will be out of here today.  Still have some cleaning to do here...spent 12 hours straight out yesterday with a 30 minute break in total cleaning and finishing the packing. I have been going full tilt since December first! 

It surprises me to realize that I actually enjoy hard physical labor! 

Say what?

It is such a big job but so far I loved putting my body to the task and am so appreciative of the way it is allowing me to. I know there is a bug under the surface percolating, waiting to emerge...D. said he was beginning to feel sick yesterday and headed for the bed...I too feel the throat and sinus thing...but my mind is directing my immune system with a big "Wait...wait until after this is done," and my immune system, so far, has been listening. My ticker too has not been protesting as much as it normally would with the amount of physicality required to do all this...mostly on my own.  

I kind have enjoyed this time working with myself.  I work well with "me" lol.  I like moving the body. I like having purpose.  Though cleaning beyond the basic requirements was always on the bottom of my priority list, I can clean...and I can even enjoy it. Packing is a little more challenging though but doable...obviously...being that everything but the bathroom is packed up. I do resent having to "direct" others to pack or help more which I found myself having to do with less success than I had hoped for.  When communicating my expectations for assistance honestly and openly doesn't spur others on...I just say..."I can fight that battle with them and allow a resentful ego in me take over or I can surrender to doing it myself." 

 I am impressed with how much I was able to "do". It is all attitude, isn't it? 

Anyway, will hopefully catch up with you soon. I may be almost finished here but I have a heck of a lot to do up there now. It will get done. Sigh! It will get done and then I can surrneder to whatever the universe has in store for this body and mind.

All is well

Overwhelmed

 

You can't calm the storm so quit trying. What you can do is calm yourself. The storm will pass. 

Timber Hawkeye

I felt so overwhelmed this morning when I woke up to D. taking a call for work. You see, we are supposed to be out of here tomorow and the house is still not ready for us to move in. We had planned on doing so much today. Sigh! After hours and hours of fixing and painting walls and trim...and it looked beautiful and bright...we noticed yesterday that the stackable washer and dryer will not fit through the very small 1960's doorway to the area that has been created for it. That means attempting first of all to remove the trim that has been on there since the build (and back then, for some reason, they used a heck of a lot more nails! so these things are really hard to remove. It will be messy)! If that doesn't solve the problem ...we will have to make the wall wider...which will create a whole bunch of more mess.  I cannot clean the main space and move everything in until that washer is moved into its assigned location.  We cannot move that until the entry is made bigger and until  D. fixes the electrical over there...which he attempted to do on three different visits only to discover the need for this or that which he did not have with him. He keeps forgetting one thing or another and the distance is too far just to "run back and get it".  I cannot clean in here until all this stuff that I keep tripping over is out of here. It is chaotic. And my poor old dog is just overwhelmed with the chaos. I still do not know what we are going to do about her...tried leaving the decision to D. ( technically she is his dog being that he brought the dogs here after his house got burnt down). I gathered everyone together on Friday to offer him feedback to help with that decision...but here we are.  No decision. It will be to make it, I guess, and I resent that being left to me as well as all the packing and cleaning...on top of all the reno work I do at the house we are moving in to. (I kept up with the guys, let me tell ya.) Anyway, as you can tell by my rambling I am overwhelmed and feeling a bit sorry for myself. Sigh! 

I came here to center again. Deep breath....in ....and a deep breath out. In...out...in....out.....

Okay...I can only do what I can do. What absolutely needs to be done to move...I will focus on that....leaving the rest when I am on there.    I will try cleaning around all this for now...maybe moving boxes and stuff out to the step if I have to.  ( If only the weather was cooperating...winter in Canada is not the time to move people!!)

I did not mean to use this as a venting board lol...but that is exactly what I did. Go figure.

All is well,

Embracing the Curriculum

 Embracing the Curriculum

Quietly I sit in this old familiar spot

sipping on the tea that refuses to stay hot.

I read, think, and write a bit in some demanding fever

to understand reality and to become a true believer.

Yet...no matter how many times I reheat this stupid cup

or type some deep, life changing and inspiring message up,

I can't seem to find the "aha" moment that makes it all sound right.

I just can't seem to relieve this mind that is always so uptight.

I guess I am hiding  from the reality 'that is' with every word I type.

I am hiding from the true curriculum in this "I am a seeker" hype.

The lesson is not in thinking or in explaining the life outside that door,

nor is it in getting lost in some practice, or by doing more and more.

The learning is found in being with each thing that painfully emerges from inside 

and facing the circumstances and reactions from which I tend to hide. 

Life, I'm told, will give me exactly what it is that I am meant to learn

and I will come to trust the teacher with every challenge badge I earn.

Each and every  moment is the lesson plan at play

and if I become a faith-filled student, I may graduate some day.

Dale-Lyn December 2025

Silly poem ...if you want to even call it that...quickly put together for whatever reason.  Don't judge the poem...it is "bad", I know...(I really feel embarrassed about putting this one up and that is why I know I must put it up!) Just take the message from it if you can. 

All is well

No Gifting!

It's not about the presents but it is about your presence. Therein lies the spirit of the holiday season.

Rahne E.

(Not sure about this name...it isn't the author of this quote...and I am not sure how it got here on this page.)

Christmas is coming and it is easy to get lost in the western version of this season that has been so conditioned into us. I am doing my best not to.  The busy distraction of the move and the other things that are going on around me helps to prevent me from getting sucked into that. To me...gifting for the sake of gifting has got to stop! It is not really a "healthy and wholesome" way to celebrate the birth (the date not so randomly selected  by Pope Julius's attempt to outstage the pagan "winter soltice" celebration) of one of the wisest beings who ever walked the planet. Is it? Sure...good will and charity...wonderful...but buying for the sake of buying...to me that just makes it a capitalist holiday, not a spiritual one. Sigh! 

Anyway, the kids and I agreed last year to collect for charity rather than gift each other. We will continue that new tradition this year.  I mean, we will have a little yankee exchange of a small amount and we will buy for the grandkids ( for now...hopefully that too will change in the future so the kids grow up understanding that "it isn't about the gifts!"). We are having a yankee exchange at my sister's tonight as well.  D. and I might fill each other's stockings with sundries but that will be all. That's it! No gifting!

We will see how that intention turns out.  

All is well!

Temporary Grounding

 In order to deal with the chaos that exists in the world today, you need some grounding. That grounding best comes from knowing who you are.

Michael Ray

It is almost as if this blog, this part of my practice has walls...comforting walls I can run behind when everything out here is as chaotic as it is right now. I get a glimpse of  and am reminded of who I am here. 

I am feeling less than grounded let me tell ya.  We have a few more days to be out of this house, and to clean it to make it move in friendly, a few more days to make and follow through with the decision for our beloved dog, a few more days to consider the commercially conditioned needs of Christmas ( I have no shopping done...I really, really am trying to move away from that version of Christmas but I want to buy for grandchildren and give where it is needed), a few more days to get two more blankets knitted for my grandchildren-  (The girls' blankets take sooo long to knit! And I have so little time to sit and knit), and more than a few more days to get to place where I can "ground" again. I really do feel "all over the place."

So,  why crazy lady ...do you feel the need to spend your limited time here?

I need to temporarily touch ground somewhere  as I float around in this chaotic space. I need to be reminded of who I am.

All good. 

Change

 Change is hard at first, messy in the middle, and gorgeous at the end.

Robin Sharma

Sorry been away from this trying to renovate a 1960 build in two weeks.  That is a big and massive process, especially since it was previously rented  by people who happened to smoke. Everything is yellow and brown. So, of course there is a thorough cleaning followed by a few coats of paint on each wall and ceiling.  That is the easy part. We have a combination of plaster/drywall thing going on so that means lots of cracks in walls and ceilings that had to be crackfilled and repaired. We are also remodelling the walls in a very tiny bathroom. I desperately wanted a new tub but the plumbing and the tearing down of walls just to get a tub into this tiny space is something we do not want to get tangled up in. I will refurbish teh tub instead. Since there are only a few small windows and I am a light lover...I also wanted to tear down a few walls to open up the space...but being the age it is, everywall in this house is a support wall. That will require more time and effort than we have. Will eventually make a lunch counter/pass through in the kitchen wall to compensate so light and space can flow but that will have to wait. There are so many things we are ignoring and putting on hold just to make our deadline, like the lead paint I am sure is still on the walls and the old wiring that has been in this house since the build, not to mention the fuse box panel it is attached to ( should be priority to replace that...I know!). We did remove what seemed like a giant washer from one wall and a giant dryer from another wall in another room that was taking up way, way too much of the limited space and have a stackable coming in to replace it that can be neatly tucked into a corner. That, however, means more wiring...yikes. Then there is the finishing of packing here and the moving of all that I am bringing with me...in hope that it will fit!! 

While we are preparing for the move my lovely old girl Roxy is suffering in her premature aging (she had Addison's all her life). It hurts her to move from spot to spot though she is so restless, she is constantly trying to move. It also looks like she has a squamous cell ca ( my guess...only) on her leg and possibly in her mouth and eye. She is anxious and in pain. I am not sure she will handle the move. So we have to make that awful decision dog owners hate to have to make. She is still eating some when we bring her her food and she is still wagging her tail when she sees us.  She is even semi-playful at times. This just makes the decision so much harder.  Is it time we step in and help her to pass on? I just do not want her to suffer and this move will be so hard on her.  Yet, I hate to let her go or be the one that makes the decision that her earthly time is over...but it will have to be me. Sigh!

We are also dealing with my grandson's issues. He is beautiful, fun-loving, and brilliant little kid who I suspected for a few years had some high functioning neurodivergent tendencies.  We were all perfectly okay with that ...so it didn't really matter if he got that diagnosis or label or if he didn't...until he went to preschool that is.  Now, it is obvious that there is something going on. He is completely overstimulated, overwhelmed and emotionally shut down while at school and acting out in all kinds of ways after school. Though he is a very articulate speaker with us, he has not spoken a word to one other student or teacher since he started in September and he does not interact or play with anyone except himself while there. The pictures the teachers often take for the parents show him tense and tight with shoulders up to his ears, and his arms tucked neatly into his side. His expression is as flat as the Saskatchewan prairie in each and every picture. (He laughs and smiles so much with us).  He is also regressing in basic developmental tasks like using the bathroom. His ticks ( sudden facial contortions and arm contractions are getting worse). The teachers I spoke to seem absolutely lovely and caring, but they keep telling us that "he is just shy" or they are unintentionally patronizing his mother by telling her how to parent. She has approached them many times in an attempt to make them understand he is in the process of being assessed but they keep responding  with, "Oh no, he is fine...you just have to do this or that as his Mom etc."So, obviously a label is now required so he gets the help he needs to cope with a school like setting. If he doesn't get one soon, I fear he will develop a trauma response to school and will withdraw even farther inside himself. The self he withdraws into is a bubble wrapped existence that includes his mother and her 100% attention. When he has that, he shuts everything and everyone out. If anyone or anything attempts to break into that bubble to divert his mother's attention elsewhere, he has an extreme resistance reaction. He tantrum's, screams, grabs her face or body part to get her to look at him, screams to be picked up etc.  He gets angry with anyone who gets between them in anyway.  He is not being "bad" or disobedient when he does this...it is sheer desperation and a need for safety causing this reaction. The world is too stimulating for him sometimes and he needs to pull into a safe spot in this bubble wrapped world as people with neurodivergent brains tend to do, with his mother and her full attention coming with him.  This whole thing just breaks my heart.  We had a confrontation yesterday with the staff over this and I am still reeling from all the emotions I picked up while there. 

Anyway, so I have that too and a host of other things I am dealing with ...on top of trying to move. Sigh!

We will get it done and I will soon be in my new spot breathing in the lead from the walls and being thrown across the room everytime I plug something into those ancient outlets. Luckily the space is so small I will only be shocked back a few inches before I hit another wall. Besides my heart feels a little tired these days. It may need a zap or two. :)

All is well!

The Truth Beyond the Optical Delusion of Consciousness

 Tat Tvam Asi  (You are that)

That is probably what  Uddalaka Aruni would tell us humans if he was still walking the planet in physical form observing so many of us feeling miserable, caught up in our me-me-ness, and making a mess of things. 

Long, long before Socrates was born to teach... sometime in the  8th-6th century BCE ...,,,there existed a rishi, a great philosopher,  a teacher of Oneness that walked what we know today to be India. He was responsible for writing one of the oldest Hindu texts- the Chandogya Upanishad from which that sanskrit term comes and later became the Samaveda. 

How can we non-Hindu westerns understand that phrase?

We can understand it by studying the words of  the greatest rishi in the world who came much, much later. Christ  was teaching the very same thing

My father and I are one John 10-30

We can also understand it by analyzing the findings of modern science. Nikola Telsa said, "We are all one. Only egos, beliefs, and fears separate us. "

Albert Einstein said, "A human being is a part of a whole, called by us "the Universe"- a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts, and feelings as something separated from the rest-a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness."

"Quantum physics thus reveals a basic oneness of the universe. " Erwin Schrodinger. 

Let's listen to both those who have studied in external laboratories, and those who have studied in the internal laboratories of the mind to discover this truth. 

Tat Tvam Asi

Or as Michael Singer often quotes, 

The purified mind is no different than the Self.

All is well!

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe/ Sounds True ( December, 2025) The Yoga of Wisdom: The Path to Liberation https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OHoi4u8jpMY&list=PLyOuAoSmZkKoESr2acNWwhznusbBkKXsT&index=1

Good Bye House

 Home is not a place. It is a feeling you carry with you wherever you go.

I am preaparing to leave this house I lived in for almost twenty years.  I am starting to grieve a bit.  I silently sent a thought of gratitude to it for the way it took me in at a difficult point in my life, wrapping its walls around me and my family, protecting us and keeping us warm and safe.  More than anything it became this amazing sanctuary for me to heal in.  I am so, so grateful for it! 

I didn't treat it well. I struggled with maintaining ownership of it since I first went off work sick in 2011. That was hard but I was determined to do what I could to keep a roof over my childrens' heads and somehow I did! I both hated it and loved it after that and it became a somewhat neglected partner.  I stopped caring for it the way I could have. Still, it was so forgiving.  It continued to be a sanctuary for me to begin awakening in.  I will miss this one spot in the house to which I became attached....the dining room with four windows that allow so much light to come in from either side. I wrote so much here.  I can see this amazing yard as I look out.  And that yard out there with the giant trees full of so much Life has become my most faithful companion. The peace and solace I found out there when things in here got tough showed me how sacred this place is. For that reason, I have buried or spread the ashes of so many beloved pets, that once ran joyfully from corner to corner of it, under those trees, as well. They too have become a part of that yard. This spot vibrates with an energy I will miss so much!  Oh God, the growth I have done here. So, so grateful!!

And I know it is time to fill it once again with the love it deserves.  Soon the floors will be echoing the pitter patter of little feet, the sound of childrens's laughter will be bouncing off its walls again. This house will embrace that young life, I know it will, and that life will embrace it. I like to think I am giving the house and this yard what it needs, and more importantly I like to think I am giving others I love what they need, enfolding them in the arms of this space that I once thought was "my home". 

It was never mine.  I just had the opportunity to experience it for awhile and I am so grateful. Now it is time to step back and let others experience Life on this little corner of an intersection, in a tiny neighborhood, in a section of a small city, in a tiny province found in one country, in one of seven continents on this small spinning planet, in a tiny solar system, in a massive galaxy which just happens to be one of trillions. Sigh! What a tiny, tiny sliver of geography  we get to experience our lives on. It is best not to get attached to any of it...love those spots, honor them, take care of them, recognize their sacredness potential and live fully in them but don't get too attached. Though I am leaving this spot for another...I take a part of this energy with me because it has become entangled in this human's experience.  I also leave some of this human's energy behind because I added to it.  Everything is still all connected in one way or another and just because we leave a physical space to move to another, we cannot disentangle from it. We just spread that energy wider. 

I am going to grieve a bit as I pack up. Everytime I look out those windows I can feel the knot in my gut and the tears coming up in release. This is like saying  goodbye to a good old friend....It isn't easy but the emotional experience does not have to be judged as good or bad, right or wrong, should be or shoudn't be. It just is. What I am experiencing is just a human reaction to change and change is the way of evolution and growth, isn't it? 

It is all good.

All is well.

Sensitivity in Social Interactions

 

For the awakened person...the body is no longer just a body. It is a field that receives and transmits subtle energies. When someone enters your space, their emotional state, their thoughts, even their unconscious patterns are felt in your body...not because you absorb them intentionally but because awareness has made you more receptive. This senstivity is a gift but it requires boundaries. 

Eckhart Tolle

I often write about how challenging it is for me to be in busy social environments lately...how challenging it is for me to be around very unconscious people.  After listening to this I understand why:

Your solitude is not a wall between you and the world ...it is a bridge to your essential nature

This movement from being to performing is subtle but for those who are awake or awakening it is profoundly felt.

Love does not always equal resonance. Care does not always equal alignment. Sometimes loving someone means loving them best from a distance without sacrificing your inner clarity...the more present you become, the more deeply you can love others but the less you tolerate the unconsciousness that accompanies them.

I pcik up so much that I cannot even understand

Every human psyche carries its own field of consciousness...its own turbulence...its own stories...the senstive person feels this instantly.

I hate wearing masks now!!

The masks are not wrong. They are not your true self...when someone enters your home[ your space] your mind instinctively reaches for the mask again. Individual performance feels deeply unnatural

It can get really overstimulating to be around a lot of people or to be with people who are very unconscious.

Human interaction when unconscious is noisy, even without words there is mental chatter, subtle tension, emotional residue. When two unconscious people meet, this noise is normal. It is all they know. But when an awakened person meets someone who lives primarily in the mind, the contrast is stark. The quietness of presence must now share space with the turbulence of thought. This is why true connection for the awakened person is rare. They can enjoy company, even cherish it but only when the meeting happens from presence rather than psychological identity. When two people rest in awareness together no one srains energy, no one performs. Silence becomes a companion rather than something to fill. but such meetings are uncommon.

I feel other people in my body!

The body knows before the mind understands. It says, "Something is entering my field. This awareness is not fear...it is intelligence.  The same intelligence that causes animals to withdraw when their environment becomes overstimulating. 

I feel very, very protective now of my time, space, ane energy. 

The more awakened you become the more fiercely Life asks you to protect your energy ...not as resistance but as alignment.  What used to feel tolerable appears noisy. what used to feel normal, begins to feel heavy. You no longer carry the emotional weight of others unconsciously. You feel everything so you must choose carefully what energy enters your space.

I have a hard time being patient with the repetitive unconsciousness of others if it keeps demanding things of this human I call me. 

Visitors [and others you interact with] especially unawakened ones often bring the past with them. They bring stories, opinions, unresolved emotions. Their presence activates memory, identity, history but awakening removes your interest in carrying these burdens. You want to meet Life fresh, without the weight of yesterday and so the mind resists being pulled into narratives it has outgrown.

Social interactions often feel so heavy and draining to me now. 

[They] also activate the ego, not because you want them to but because the ego is activated by attention. As soon as another person enters your space the ego awakens and begins to manage impressions, "How do I appear? What should I say? How should I behave? " This movement away from presence is felt immediately by the awakened person as heaviness...even with people you love deeply you sometimes feel drained. Not because of them but because of the unconscious energy that accompanies them.

I like to remember:

You don't need to entertain, impress, or host. Your simple being becomes healing [when awakened]. This is why the spiritually awake often prefer one-on-one purposeful encounters rather than casual visits. They crave depth, honesty and presence. They cannot tolerate superficiality, not because they judge it, but because it disconnects them from the truth of who they are.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle Wisdom Why the Spiritually awake don't like visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI8PKAiUo-4

On the Need for Solitude

Some people believe that solitude means lonliness. that is because they have only experienced the mind's version of being alone, a state filled with anxious thoughts, fears and stories but for someone more awake solitude is not the absence of others...it is the presence of being. 

Eckhart Tolle

This is why I love solitude: 

The spiritually awake person is not antisocial, they value authenticity over performance

To protect this awareness is not avoidance...it is wisdom

When you are alone the boundary between inner and outer dissolves...you feel the stillness of the room merging with the stillness within you

It [suddenly finding yourself alone after being with people for a while] is relief from the subtle tension your body carried while perfoming. You rediscover yourSelf. You sense the return of a spacious inner sky as if the clouds  of social expectation finally drifted away.

When presence becomes your natural state any interuption of it becomes immediately  noticeable....Most people live in constant interuption so they never feel the difference but you do and that senstivity is not weakness...it is evolution.

...roles are subtle prisons....and once you experience freedom from roles even a small return to them feels suffocating

In silence, you remember who you are beyond personality...you sense the living presence that animates your breath, your heartbeat, your awareness. This is the dimension from which true connection arises, not from performance but from authenticity

When you are awakening solitude is not just restful, it is transformative. Your consciousness is reorganizing itself. Old patterns are dissolving, a new sensitivity is emerging. This inner shift requires spaciousness; it requires quiet; it requires that nothing interferes with the delicate process unfolding within you.

Constant social intercation prevents your inner Life from blooming. The spiritually awake person senses this instinctively. They are not withdrawing from the world, they atre nurturing the deepest part of themselves.

You begin to recognize the greatest service you can offer the world is not constant social availability , it is the radiance of your own aligned inner state. When your consciousness is clear, your presence lifts others effortlessly.

The spiritually awake person understands something most people do not.  Energy must be managed with the same care that others reserve for money or time. What you allow into your field shapes your experience of Life. The wrong company can dim your inner light. The right company can amplify it...and sometimes the most noursihing company is no company at all.

Solitude is not the absence of connection.  It is the deepest form of connection to Life, to being, to yourSelf

In solitude the mind becomes quiet enough for the truth to be heard. You meet the living presence that exists beneath all forms. This is why you protect your space, not out of fear, but out of devotion.

All is well!

Eckhart Tolle Wisdom Why the Spiritually awake don't like visitors https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TI8PKAiUo-4