Love, Not Fear

 Allow both the beauty and sadness to touch you...

This is Love, not fear.

Unknown

I am experiencing a great deal of anticipatory grief. My beautiful old girl has an appointment at three, her last appointment. We were expecting this. We actually considered making the call a year ago but held back. It is such a difficult decision for a human to make about a member of another species that doesn't communicate with words to tell us they are ready to go. How the heck do I know it is her time? So we hummed and hawed and held back and she suddenly came around to enjoy another year of food (she loves to eat), drives in the car with her head out the window, walks in the woods, swims in the river, balls to chew (she gave up chasing them a while ago), treats, and lots of people who truly loved her. We said then, we will wait until she stops eating for two days and gets noticebly weak to the point there is no doubt that it is her time. Well, the time has come. She hasn't eaten for two days, can barely walk, refuses her treats, and was not really responding to our pats and shows of affection...that is until she seen me crying after I made the call. She lifted her head up and wagged her tail a bit as if to say, "It's okay. I will be okay if you need me to be. I will stick around," 

I just smiled and said, as if she could understand, "It's okay girl.  You don't have to hold on for us. It is time you got out of that painful old heavy body you are in, so you can run in the fields again, chasing squirrels, and feeling free."  

She put her had back down and went to sleep. 

Sigh! So this grief thing we humans do is all about the willingness to allow both the beauty of the experience we have loving another and the sadness of their potential absence to touch us deeply. Grief is Love, not fear! 

All is well.