The House Work Habit

 

Housework can't kill you but why take a chance.

Phyllis Diller

I have this thing about housework!  I really, really do not like it and it is at the bottom of any priority list that exists in my mind. Though I like a clean house, a tidy well organized house is not that important to me ( at least until I cant find what I am looking for when I am in a hurry that is.) I do clean to some degree. I do maintain some upkeep but it is obvious not enough, in comparison to other people's houses. So, I have been carrying around with me for most of my life, this sense of internal shame and embarrassment over the state of my house, in comparison to others. I have this core belief that there is something wrong with me because I don't follow the pull to house keep like others do.  Instead of doing something about it, I do my best to avoid and repress the sense of shame. I can walk over anything instead of picking it up. 

 I would really like to put an end to that self-shaming tendency in relation to housework once and for all. A part of me  tends to believe that a house that is cleaner, fresher, easier to look at will solve the problem. 

Will it? 

Of course, I am evolved enough to know that the shame is an internal samskara that is there for a host of reasons that go beyond housework. The visible lack of house maintenance simply triggers it. Many people have this internal sense of shame, especially women but, unlike me,  they set out to "fix" the trigger and devote countless hours to tidying and cleaning their houses, creating clean and orderly environments.  They feel a certain amount of anxiety when things are out of order, (samskara being triggered), so they are committed to dealing with that anxiety through  a consistent practice of cleaning and tidying.  It is a practice that I just cannot seem to commit myself to in the way they do. That leads to a realization of my comparison-shaming. I feel some shame when I don't clean enough but not anxiety.  I am sure I could walk over a rotting carcass without feeling the need to do something about it ( joking of course...as soon as the dead body starts to stink I will usually take it out...joking!!!). That is until, the door bell rings and some unexpected company shows up. I, sensing my not enoughness in regards to housekeeping, do have that samskara activation and  anxiety then at the thought of being judged by others. Otherwise, a messy house with a certain degree of a  "minimal pass in a public health inspection" level of cleanliness is okay with me. 

So, anyway this is taking me back to Atomic Habits. I want to explore why the habit of consistent housecleaning is hard for me to stick to and what I should do about it or if I should do something about it.

In order to build healthy habits Clear tells us repeatedly throughout the book, behaviours need to be obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying. 

So, the behaviour of cleaning and tidying more consistently has to be obvious.  I do leave all my cleaning supplies out in the open. Brooms, mops, vacuums, and dusters  are  always visible and easy to reach.  (Please note: I do use these things just not as much as the people around me seem to do.). And the need for cleaning and tidying is more often than not highly visible.  With three dogs and two cats upstairs, I have dust bunnies some times the size of tumble weeds rolling past me. It gets quite obvious.I tend though to be more invested in the motion of cleaning (preparing and planning how I will clean) than the actual action of cleaning. Motion can become a form of procrastination.(page 142-143) Like right now, as I contemplate way I don't clean and how I should ( motion), I could actually be cleaning and getting things done( action).  

It has to be attractive. Hmm! That is a tuff one for me because there is nothing about housekeeping that is attractive.  I know where that stems from.  I grew up in a very traditional family where the women were taught to be subserviant to the men.  It was the woman's job then to look after the house and the man's job to do work outside the home.  My mother, a brilliant woman with both teaching and nursing diplomas, literally had to ask my father if she could pick up a shift outside the home.  If she worked a night shift at the hospital she felt it was her duty to come home and clean the house from top to bottom while looking after 11 children before ever considering the need for sleep. When she died my father then turned to my sisters' and I to fulfill the housekeeping duties.  I always wanted to be outside working with the boys.  I resented having to clean after and cook for my brothers just because I was female.  That became a samskara in me that also gets activated at the thought of having to do housework. 

Still, a nice clean house is attractive to me.  My mother always kept a sparkling clean home. The thought of not meeting her expectations is a part of this "not enough" samskara that is stuffed inside me. I love the look of my house after I clean. It is attractive.

It has to be easy. Is it easy to maintain the cleaning behaviour? No, only because I tend to let things go too long. So by the time I do clean, I have an all day adventure. It could be so much easier by following simple principles like "resetting the room" page 156 and by creating gateway habits that lead to bigger habits page 163. For example, I could put things back when I am finished with them...creating a place for everything to go back to. I can also break habits down into the first tiny step forward.  Like if I am going to vacuum, I begin by taking the vacuum down and plugging it in. ( I do practice this one.) I do not have to clean the whole house in one day either.  I can simply do one room a day. ( I tried that several times as well but wasn't able to stick with it.) 

Finally, the cleaning and tidying needs to be satisfactory. In all fairness, sometimes it is.  If I blast the music in the background or play a podcast while I am cleaning, it can be a satisfactory expereince.  I also note that I am getting my steps in as I clean. More importantly, when I am done I am rewarded with a satisfactory experience of looking about a clean home.  That may last a few hours or  a day...but then the dust begins to roll again and I am back to the drawing board.

Will explore this more at a later date.(Am I procrastinating even thinking about housework lol?)

All is well 

JAmes Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery. 

Getting Through without the 'Woo-Woo'

 You go through what you need to go through to get through. 

Michael A. Singer

When you hear the word 'spirituality', how do you react?  Well, if you have been on this site more than once, it may not bother you, but many people will have a pull back type of reaction. 

I honestly believe we need to take the "taboo" and the "woo-woo" out of  this belief we have about 'spirituality'. Spirituality is not what most of us think it is.  It is simply a very subtle and deep but at the same time very practical way of approaching life, of learning how to handle it. There are, in reality,  very many ways of viewing life and handling it: psychology, biology, science, art, philosophy and religion.  All are spiritual! Why? They have the potential to take us to a greater and higher understanding. They all have the potential to help us live better lives. They are, therefore, spiritual! 

Spirituality is not all about going to church, temple, or synagogue; about renouncing all worldy possessions; about joining a monastery or ashram, about studying scripture and adhereing to ever word, nor is it all about meditating, or praying even.  These are all tools that can help us deepen our understanding about life and why we are here but the most important part of spirituality is brought about through processing through everyday life and observing how we do it and why. 

My spiritual practice has little to do with these things though I may practice some of them. I do meditate, for example, but not like a true Rishi would by any means.  I am not trying to get anywhere through my meditation, at this point, but to a relaxed, calm, clear and peaceful state. I read so much scripture and doctrine but only to get to an understanding it is pointing to that exists in me already: Why are we here?  How do we best live these lives we are given? Most importantly, how do we get through the suffering? 

Most of my practice occurs off the mat, off the cushion, out of church, away from the books...I simply observe my mind, heart, and body as I respond to the things Life is given me. Who observes? That is the most profound question. The spirit...that which I am at the deepest level, consciousness...that which we all share is the Objective Observer spirituality takes me too.  Hmm!

Anyway, I realize as I do so that we are all going through what we are going through in Life  simply to get through. Doing it well, is spirituality. 

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 2, 2024) Life- Your Perfect Teacher. https://tou.org/talks/

Life is One Big Puzzle Box

 True wisdom comes from the continuous pursuit of knowledge and self improvement. 

Edward Thorndike.

I was reminded of a pre-Skinner behavioural and educational psychologist by the name of Edward Thorndike today, when I randomly opened Atomic Habits. I had learned about him in many of  the psychology and adult education courses I took over the years. As I seek true knowlege and self improvemnt, I am presently re-learning about habits, more specifically how to reinforce the life learning we want to adhere to, while getting  rid of the learning that is in the way of us living peaceful lives. I randomly opened up to a page from the book and there he was. The learning and the relativity of it to what I am doing now came back with Clear's mention of the "puzzle box". 

Puzzle Box?

Life is one big puzzle box we are stuck in. We are endelessly trying to open some door that will lead us to a rewarding experience.

Say what, crazy lady? 

Thorndike studied hungry cats as they learned to escape from his "puzzle boxes". The behaviour of escape was then  reinforced with a meal. Throughout his observations and data collection, he noted that cats, like all beings really, learn by trial and error, what he called a process of "learning by trial and accidental success". Reward was the success consequence that determined the appropriate response (which was to push a certain lever that would open the door to freedom).  The hungry cats were highly motivated to keep trying, to keep learning how to open the door because the reinforcement, the reward, the food would only come after they pushed the right lever. They we also trying to avoid/escaape the unpleasant sensation of hunger as well as the uncomfortable feeling of being trapped in a box. This created two things Thorndike would be accredited for terming: the learning curve: the trial and error learning methodolgy, and the law of effect: the relationship between response and reward. (Carlson et al, 2005)

Isn't life one big puzzle boz?  Are we not all feeling somewhat trapped and hungry for something? Are we not constantly learning by experiementing, testing, trying, failing, trying, succeeding etc to get that darn door to open so we can get even a glimpse of the bigger reward? 

Learning, in the Puzzle box can almost be charted on a graph. We see , initially, a graph line that is plateaued at the bottom indicating that there are no outward signs of learning. We can see the cats, in the beginning of their experience, randomly running around meowing and scratching at whatever is there.  Though it looks like disorganized panic, the cats are actually trying to figure things out. They are learning. The brain is extremely active at this time taking in a lot of sensory information and monitoring and recording  the effect of each random pawing or scratch.  There is a gradual incline in the slope upward. Then, by accident, some movement the cat makes with its paw opens the door. Viola. The hyperactivity of the brain is rewarded with a succes. This will be recorded in the brain as a "repeat this next time" and on the graph as a peak when teh behaviour gets repeated again. Learning has reached its climax. It took a while to get there but the cats reached the summit!The behaviour will be repeated again and again until it  becomes a habit.

Behaviours followed by satisfactory consequences tend to be repeated and those that produce unpleasant consequences are less likely to be repeated. Thorndike, Atomic Habits Page 44

This is the basis of Thorndike's behavior analysis and it is the basic premise of James Clear's book. Behaviours are repeated when a reward for that behaviour is received and the more a behaviour is repeated, it becomes automatic requiring little effort from the brain to figure things out. Brain activity will begin to decline (the negative slope on the learning curve is made). 

So many of our habits are automatic and we do not even think about them as we perform them. Yet they do not begin that way. Look at driving a car.  After years of driving most of our driving is unconscious. How much of a big learning curve that is though to gain mastery of all the little skills and things to remember. Set up everything for comfort inside the car before you turn on the ignition. Put on your seat bealt. Check your rear view. Shift the car into reverse.  Put just the right amount of pressure on the gas pedal as you back up.  Checking over your shoulders etc...And that is just backing out of your driveway. And of course there is, in those beginning learning experiences, a lot of trial and error...The brain is so focused on the task of learning. We make mistakes and we learn, we try something else. sometimes we succeed, sometimes we fail, sometimes we are rewarded and sometimes we are punished.  We keep trying until we get it right.  Then before we know it we are driving without a thought to what we are doing.  It is all so automatic.

Self improvement and wisdom, enough at least to bring a bit of peace, is what I am looking for as  I press this lever and that lever, and that one over there...I keep learning from trial and error to discover which one opens the door to freedom and which one doesn't. 

Learning is an amazing thing to understand. It is all good.

All is well in my world.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Hbaits. New York: avery

Carlson, N; Buskt, W.; Enzie, M. & Heth, C. (2005) Psychology: The Science of Behaviour. Toronto: Pearson

Don't Revere the Teacher?

 I don't think it takes much for a cult to be a cult. Many parts of our society are cultish, and you only need a charismatic leader and some teachings, and before you know it you have a cult.

Jerome Flynn

I watched the Netflix documentary last night on Anteres de la Luz. Note to self:  Don't ever watch a show about such a heart breaking and terryfing possibility of the human condition before going to bed, again. Dreamt about it all night. 

Why did I watch such a show? I am, as you may know, fascinated with cults. I see myself in the cult members and I hope to God to never see myself in the cult leaders. Even calling myself or anyone a spiritual teacher gives me the willies.  I think, though, we all have the potentiial for either. That is why I am fascinated.  

Every member had the same agenda I have...to awaken from human suffering , at least a bit spiritually, to understand truth, to be the best human being they could be.They did not join the cult because they wanted to kill an innocent baby or because they wanted to become a slave to someone elses desires, or to  kill themselves or anyone else as cult members do in the mass homicides they are sometimes known for. They joined (often without ever realizing they were 'joining' anything) for a higher reason. 

Their desire for higher understanding about life and truth, unfortunately got exploited by the needs of sociopaths, psychotics, ego maniacs etc...who knew what these people needed  (what we all need actually) and knew how to use it for their own benefits. 

How does one see someone as a guru and not get lost in that?  Were the members "crazy"? And if they were , am I for wanting the same things they wanted in the beginning of their journeys? I am not a fan of revering any teachers in human flesh because of this possibility. I will study and appreciate their teachings but it stops there.

Yet, how do cult leaders become cult leaders?  Do they set out to exploit or do they get lost in adoration of certain people? (From my research, I think they set out to exploit.) They do study everything I studied...they do write about it and talk about is as I do here. What is their motivation for doing so? I do believe Anteres was psychotic and I don't think the constant use of Ayahausca helped that.  ( I am certainly crossing off: go to Michu Picchu and drink Ayahausaca with a Shaman off my bucket list, let me tell ya.) I think he used this drug to get the members into the a state where he could plant ideas into their heads that would become their reality...like him as God and others as evil. If so, how psychotic was he really? He manipulated the experience to support his own delusions, if they were delusions and not just a part of his scheme to control. 

Anyway, I like to explore this more, if only to appease my mind.

All is well

Ask the Self to Come Out

 If you want to learn not to close you have to be willing to take a look inside.

Michael A. Singer

I see how I am getting better at looking inside.  Sometimes, like yesterday I can even see my self falling back through the veil that seperates the "me" from who I really am. And I do it at very strange times.

I was at the dentist and feeling pretty ashamed of myself.  I had not gone to the dentist in almost three years and I have a mouth that should be seen every six months. I felt a little ashamed the last time I was there. I do brush and floss and rinse on a regular basis but it seems to make little difference.  Every six month cleaning takes extra long and I can almost feel the frustration of those doing the cleaning. So, yesterday my shame ( which belongs to me...no  one else) was obviously even more heightened.  I had gone three years because my life circumstance made my mouth and my shame so totally insignificant.  There was so many things to deal with. A dentist appointment  was always at the mercy of one crisis after another it seemed.  So I put it aside. I also did not want to add shame onto everything else I was dealing with. Of course, I know how foolish that was. I suddenly realized what I was doing and I decided to face the shame head on. I went.

And I noticed the shame as I was laying back in the chair.  I felt it. And suddenly I found myself talking to my Self.  It was like "Wow, do you see what I'm doing...laying here in ego shame...caring what they might think.  How are you experiencing all this?" Then suddenly ...it was like a curtain parted...I found myself relaxing and my Self taking over...literally enjoying the whole experience of me being ashamed, having my teeth cleaned, possibly being judged by others.  And it was all so cool! It was all so cool!

Man...I am getting there, aren't I?

All is well

 

Taking the Learning a Step Farther.

 Just taking the learning a step farther.

me

I know I am a crazy person in many ways.  My curiosity to know and understand everything around me  is like a little Alien inside me...I feel it rumbling around in my gut all day and then poof, under the right conditions,  it is sticking its head out eating up everything related to learning it can. 

To think, I spent a great deal of my earlier years believing I was stupid and could not learn like everyone else. Though, I had a great deal of curiosity and motivation to learn my conditioning had left me with little confidence. I couldn't fit into "standardized" learning situations very well. Without knowing it, I was always a very independent and self -directed learner and did better when I was not surrounded by others in competitive learning systems. Once, I realized that my intellect took off. The love for learning grew as my confidence grew. Then learning, learning, and more learning became what I wanted to do with my life!

 This little job I do for ten hours a week, for example, I can't get enough learning in.  I mean, because of my self-directed learning style, I have always lived under the mantra in one way or another, "I teach, so I can learn; I learn, so I can teach." So, it doesn't surprise me that I am spending many more hours than I am actually there...learning and preparing teaching plans so I and others learn. But...I can't seem to stop there...I am literally writing books for EAL learners as I learn and tutor. Like, What the Front door, crazy lady? This is just a little retirement job...a little service...a little of me honoring my role as the Elder in the village. I wasn't supposed to take it so seriously.  I am not a certified K-12 teacher, and am just filling in until there is one available. So, I likely won't even be there next year. Why am I putting so much energy into learning here? I don't know other than it is who I am. I do it with everything. 

When I am reading a book, I have a pen in my hand and I am underlining as I go, jotting down notes etc. When I listen to a podcast, I take notes. Then I write about whatever I read or heard so I process the learning a  bit. I eat, sleep, and breathe what I learn. I speak about it. I use whatever skill I may have gained over the years to help me assimilate what I learn. I am a learning junkie. 

You would think at my age that passion for learning would subside just a bit but just the opposite has happened.  I now have more time for learning!! Making up for the lost time of my younger years, I guess.  I am being pulled even more into the world of learning.

 I love learning and I love sharing my learning.  What does that make me, other than a crazy lady with a slimy 100 lb lizard in her gut?  

Of course, this passion for learning has led me into my spiritual practice, into the most ultimate of learning journeys. Here, my curiosity goes beyond the obvious intellectual stuff...to wanting to go a step farther. It  is taking me beyond the obvious to That from which the obvious emerges. I now use the intellctual stuff I am drawn to, to  help me open the door to That which exists beyond the intellectual mind. 

Hmmm!

There is just so, so much wonderful things in this life to learn. So much! And This, that is behind it all, is what I want to get to, is where all my learning has been taking me. Go figure.

All is well in my world.

Practice Not Perfection

 Doing your best is a holy thing.

Michael A. Singer

Whenever I hear the ending mantra after a podcast from Michael Singer I feel myself a little lost. First of all, I have been trying to figure out what he says at the beginning and ending of each podcast. I cant quite make it out. I think he may be saying chardi kala...which is a sikh greeting meaning something like "May there be no negative emotions, nothing but bliss?" But I have no idea. Besides that question  mark left inside me, I also feel like I am saying goodbye to someone I was connecting with at a very deep level, someone who "got me" lol like no one else around me can.  It is weird but yeah. What is hapening to me lol? 

Let's talk about practice

Anyway, whether we are practicing the violin as we get ready for some performance at Carnegie Hall or whether we are practicing to be a little less reactive and resistant to what Life throws our way...practice in Life  is essential. Not only is it essential, it is a holy thing.

When we practice we can only do our best. That is enough. The best, as Volatire once said, can be the enemy of the good.

It isn't easy to gain mastery in something.  We need to work our way through the prestablished neuro wiring that is already there and build new pathways. This may be difficult and even painful at first, but eventually, with repeated practice, new pathways are formed and the new  habit becomes easy and automatic. (page 144)

If you want to master a habit, the key is to start with repetition, not perfection...You just need to practice. ...you just need to get your reps in.  James Clear, page 143.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer ( April 28, 2024) Freeing Consciousness From the Fishbowl of Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Creating Freedom

 

Habits don't restrict freedom. They create it.

James Clear, page 46

Say what crazy lady? Isn't the old saying , we are slaves to our habits? Isn't spirituality all about breaking through our habit minds?

Yes and no. Yes, I am certainly crazy :) and yes that is the old saying. It is also true that spirituality is all about breaking through habitual mental tendencies that get in the way of us realizing who we truly are at the deeper level.  But...no, not all habits are bad. Some habits can actually, when they become wholesome and automatic...like meditating every morning...or taking a deep breath, relaxing  and opening your heart when a  person  is say, yelling at you...be very spiritual.  When we practice a habit committedly and consistently, (and it is all about "practicing" and learning, and  not about being perfect) the habit according to neuroscientists  becomes automatic.  It becomes something we can do without thinking about it or anlayzing it. This automatic response  frees up the mind's  time and energy to be focused on more important things (page 44-47)...like the next step of our spiritual development. Healthy habits can create enough space and freedom in our practice for us to grow.

With habit practice, we can learn to stop storing stuff inside so our insides are free to accept all Life has to offer. We can learn to develop the habit of "not closing" so we are free to stay open. We can learn to live without the fishbowl on our heads so we are free to expereince the amazing mystery on the other side. 

All is well.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer (April 28, 2024) Freeing Consciousness from the fish Bowl of Mind Mind. https://tou.org/talks/

Don't Put Your Happiness Off

The problem with a goal first mentality is that you're continuosly putting happiness off until the next milestone.... When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you don't have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running....True long -term thinking is goal-less thinking. ..Ultimately, it is your committment to the process that will determine your progress. 

James Clear, Atomic Habits, page 26-27

I have been  knitting  a pair of socks for my grandaughter for over three months. 

Say what, crazy lady, that is an awful long time to knit a pair of socks, isn't it? 

It was a long time, a lot of stitches on tiny nine inch circular needles, a lot of fairly expensive yarn, a lot of mistakes,  and a lot of effort.  I have actually made three socks so far...all too small. I am on the fourth one now knowing full well that I might run out of yarn. If I manage to finish this sock  it will match the third sock and therefore not fit my grandaughter. 

Wow, what a waste of time and effort!

Or was it?

I began reading Atomic Habits after my first sock and even if I didn't I probably would have continued just as I am doing.  I have been making it a point to love what I am doing and to not be attached to the fruits of my actions while I am doing, for many years. With my writing, with the little job I am doing now, for example...I will see something that I can do that may posisbly serve or make a difference, be inspired by it, and put hours into it not knowing how it will be received, or if it will even be received. I am pulled by the inspiration, in love with the process.  I barely think of how it will turn out. Atomic Habits validated my approach to goal setting.

The best process to back our inspired action, according to James Clear, is  a 'systems-first mentality'; to do little things that help to shape a habit rather than focusing on the end goal. Instead of focusing on what we want to achieve, we could instead focus on who we want to become with the process. ( page 31) We can choose to do that which brings us closer to being the person we want to be. We can fall in love with the process because we are being who we want to be as we participate in it. We are intrinsically motivated rather than externally motivated.

Huh?

The ultimate form of intrinsic motivation is when a habit becomes a part of your identity. It is one thing to say I am the type of person who wants this. It's something very different to say I am the type of person who is this. page 33

I decided one day that I was going to be a knitter. That was a new identity this "little me" wanted to take on.  I had no pre-stored beliefs that I could knit. It was something new. In order to make that identity a part of my ego self I had to knit stitch after stitch after stitch, make oodles and oodles of mistakes, and to keep knitting  If I set out with the notion that I couldn't be a knitter, happy with knitting, until I finished a perfect pair of socks for my granddaughter, I would have been more concerned with outcome than process, putting aside my happiness until then, and setting myself up for failure,

The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you reinforce that identity associated with the behaviour. page 36.

Of course, I am at a point of this journey where reinforcing ego identity is not as important as being who I am at the deeper level. This deeper Self, though, is within a body using a mind for a finite number of years. Why not spend  the time here doing something that brings a bit of relaxation, peace and joy as I connect to this greater Self more and more? Knitting, if I enjoy the process and remain unattached to  the outcomes, is an activity that I can actually use for my spiritual practice. Relaxed, peaceful, and joyful is who I want to be. Stitch by stitch is like breath by breath, moment by moment...it keeps me here and now. So the system of knitting, the process of it,  is not only  helping me with my superfical identity as a human knitter but as a being who embraces beingness.

Your identity is literally your "repeated beingness". page 37

I did not focus on making a pair of socks. I focused on picking up my needles, feeling them in my hand, and enjoying each stitch as it came. I focused on being a knitter. I focused on being a person who could enjoy each stitch, each breath, each moment. A knitter is not someone who finished a pair of socks. A knitter is a person who made one stitch. An aspirant, in the same mindset, is not someone who has achieved Self realization, they are someone committed to each breath and each moment that takes them there.  

Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become. page 38

Once we know what type of person we want to be both on the deeper level and the outer level (which simply represents our inner processes)...we can begin taking tiny steps toward changing our behaviours so we get closer to that person. Who we want to "be" and each and every tiny step we take there, is what we focus on ...not achieving a goal. 

The funniest thing happens, though, when we use a systems approach to behaviour change.  Each stitch I knit makes me a better knitter. Each moment I embrace makes me a better person. So though I am not focusing on the finished product, it is making its way to me. I will soon be finished a fourth sock which is much better than my first. With this process I have made a product ego can be proud of. I have become a better knitter.  Not only that, I have become a wiser being.

All is well. 

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Making Your Habits Work For Your Spiritual Development, Not Against.

What is rewarded is repeated. What is punished is avoided.

James Clear page 186

Are your habits working for you or against you?  So you hit a challenging circumstance in life that is right in yor face. Your lifelong habit to date was to judge the situation as unpleasant, then to avoid it, push it away, resist it, suppress it, repress it or numb from the reality of it. Hmmm!  How did that habit tendency work for you so far?  If you really explore your inner world, you will see that this really has not worked well. Your resistance, storing, stuffing and averting has made your insides a mess hasn't it? You now see and experience the world through that mess.  Therefore you live a messy life of dukkha.  Your self protecting habits did not benefit you; they  worked against you, didn't they? If the habit of closing has worked against you, is it not time to change those habits?

Instead of closing, we want to make the habit of staying open our ultimate goal in life. How?

The Habit of Staying Open!

Well let's look at James Clear's habit building and deconstructing  directions. The basic teaching in Atomic Habits is this: To make a "good" habit stick: Make it obvious; make it attractive; make it easy; and make it satisfying. To make a "bad" habit go: Make it invisible, make it unattractive , make it difficult; and make it unsatisgying( even painful). 

Make it Obvious

So we need to make the habit of staying open the most obvious choice when we face a challenge. The mind is going to say "close": push away or down because that is the habit it has established.  Be aware of that.  Remind yourself, however, how closing has not worked for you to date. Resistance is not the , answer. It may give you immeduate gains, but immediate gains, we know from Clear, lead to long term losses. 

With our bad habits, the immediate outcome usually feels good, but the ultimate outcome feels bad. In good habits, it is reversed: the immediate outcome is unenjoyable, but the ultimate outcome feels good. ..."Often the sweeter the first fruits of a habit, the more bitter are its later fruits." Frederick Bastiat/James Clear Page 189 

 Though it  immediately feels good to push away the unpleasant, to stuff and store it away from conscious awareness so we do not have to deal with it...relief!..the long term consequences for doing this over and over again will destroy any chance at happiness we might have. 

We need to break the habit of stuffing and storing, of resisting the reality of life now because we will not feel good later on. 

As soon as you find yourself beginning to close, (maybe you feel a tightening in your gut, for example), have a very obvious  trigger available that will keep you open.  The breath can be that trigger, that obvious reminder. Get in the habit of everytime that belly begins to tighten, to take a deep breath. The breath is the obvious reminder to stay open. You breathe because you are alive. You are alive! That is obvious reason enough, is it not, to stay open to this amazing expereince of life? Make it even more obvious. Have cue cards all over the house or car that remind you to breathe...to let what ever is happening to pass through you

Make it Attractive

Life is so dramatic, full of all these distracting ups and downs that suck us in .  The drama of "little me" is very, very attractive, for some strange reason .  It can absorb us. The spiritual practice of looking inward, instead of outward, of learning to sit quietly with what is, on the other hand, is not so attractive. Some may even call it boring  or painful. Most of us will  avoid the practice of sitting alone with those 60 thousand thoughts a day that flitter through our heads. It can be  disturbing! Realize this tendency many of us have to avoid stillness! From that realization, start making the spiritual connection more attractive than little me's drama. We need to learn to do that which we might initially find unattractive...to sit quietly alone as part of a practice of nonresistance. Quiet and stillness in the present moment will give us strength in times when life seems to be disturbing.  

How do we make stillness attractive?

Begin in an area that is attractive to the soul. If you are even partially attracted to the  idea of seated  meditation, create a  quiet space, with lovely music, wonderful aromas, lovely colours, light and atmosphere. Practice in a way that is attractive to you. Maybe nature and the woods are attractive to you. Try a walking meditation in the woods.  If movement is attractive to you: try Tai Chi or hatha yoga. Etc  Most importantly, make getting connected to the higher self attractive in any way you can.

Make it Easy

Start with staying open during  simple little things that happen in life.  Start with Michael Singer's "low hanging fruit" and Clear's  'tiny habit changes'. When this or that happens  have a well-practiced mantra ready to use, "I can handle this." and repeat that over and over again, even before life hands you a curve ball. Or be ready to take a few deep breaths. Practice breathing prior to the crisis so you are ready to do so when that disturbing thing shows up. That is all  you have to do: Take a breath and repeat a short mantra. These two little thing will help you to relax in the face of aversity.  Don't worry about dealing with all the big stuff inside until its time. Start with the tiniest simplest steps and progress will follow naturally.

Make it Satisfying

Do that  which gives you immediate relief from dukkha, that which is satisfying. Don't start by saying I am going to sit for an hour everyday knowing that I will eventually, maybe in a decade or so,  be rewarded by enlightenment. No, the thing is to do tiny things that reward you now.  Find some semblance of satisfaction: peace, relaxation, relief each and every time you practice. Make it satisfying!

 I have one little spiritual practice that I do that opens me instantaneously. It literally takes ten seconds. It is easy and immediately satisfying. I call it the ten second reboot.

The Ten Second Reboot. 

Several times a day, especially when I find myself curled over in the "stress" position,  I will stand up and stretch my arms up over my head, stretching until I feel an opening in my core (a physical cue of obvious opening). I will look up with a big smile on my face, saying out loud, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" ( This ensures an obvious opening and a willingness to accept  what is). Then I will recite  "Thank you! Thank you! Thank You!" ( Nothing brings us quicker into opening  than gratitude does).

Try it! This little trick I refer to as the ten second reboot opens us up quite dramatically and physically. It is obvious, attractive, easy, and satisfying.  It feels so good to stretch, and both smiling and gratitude have been proven to release feel good hormones into our brain and body. 

 This  is just a little example of a positive habit we can add to our lives that will help us to develop spiritually. It is an  obvious, attractive, simple, and satisfying way of building better  habits. 

All is well.

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Tiny Habits; Tiny Steps to Letting Go

 

Start with simple things, and work your way up.

Michael A. Singer

Both Michaeal A. Singer, and James Clear teach that it is important to practice a better way of being by starting with tiny things.  Singer calls these tiny steps: 'dealing with the low hanging fruit', and Clear calls these steps, 'creating atomic habits'. 

In terms of habit change and doing that which will help us to release what is in the way of our liberation, can we place opening to what is as the ultimate goal we want to develop the habit of; and closing to life by resisting and storing that which is in the way of our spiritual growth  the ultimate habits we wish to break?

Let's explore that.

All is well.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New Yok: Avery

Michael A. Singer/Temple of the Universe ( April 22, 2024) When Staying Open Becomes Your Motivation. https://tou.org/talks/

Carl Jung

 Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.

Carl Jung

Carl Jung was the ultimate psychotherapist.  He, as a student of Sigmund Freud, expertedly understood the psyche through psychology/psychiatry (psychoanalysis) but he also understood that which was beyond the psyche. He was a bit of a yogi, I think.

All is well

Building "me" and Polestars

 Any place where you can put your heart and your mind that is not on you is a wonderful place to put it.

Michael A. Singer

 Not sure what is happening with this site...if that bot activity is doing something malicious. Which is sad being that it might be the only readership I have. lol Could all this mean, that the time, effort, and energy I expend writing here has absolutely no positive value for others... and is possibly even leading to unwholesome and unwanted things for others? Could it mean that it,  and "me" as a teacher, are of no benefit to the world? Maybe, I am not getting through to even one person? I don't like thinking that way, not even for a second.  I mean, I am okay with not reaching many but if I am only  sharing this "precious soul speak" with those who are blocking its progress and using it for unwholesome reasons...do I continue? 

I personally get so much from being here. So much growth and learning. With this "idea" in the back of my mind that it might serve a higher purpose other than "me's" growth...I am inspired. I love the feeling of inspiration. Yet, it isn't just about "me"  and what I am getting from this, is it? The writing circle isn't just about me. Nothing in this world that I do, say, think, or feel is just about me.  Everything is interdependent! This idea of preserving "me", in fact,  is in the way of what I can do for others.

I am not here for me...I am here for you...if I am here for me...I am not be here for you...

Michael Singer

I would like to think I am here for you...serving in some way that I can. But am I?

Am I honoring and on the right trajectory toward  my ultimate goal, my polestar by coming here? My lower human goal is to be seen as a writer and teacher ( The ultimate goal is creating identity, according to James Clear and perfectly okay in its humanness. We establish habits  for that purpose.  But according to a yogi, building identity is a downward focus of Chit Shakti that could block a greater flow). 

I do have higher goals, however. My highest goal, the one that really drives me...my polestar...is spiritual growth. Spiritual growth is all about getting "me" out of the way and letting the soul beneath speak. That soul speak is precious. 

Exploiting the Precious? 

So I use the few human passions and talents I have to get me to a higher place. I use it to serve. Is it getting me to my polestar or am I stuck here on this level of habit maintenance?  When I see  that it is possible that what I create here could not only be  falling into empty space, unread, unseen, but it might also  be used for no good...my heart breaks. I hate to think that this site, and others out there like it, are being used as  donkeys to carry others down into the valley, a donkey the hijackers are too unconscous to see or care about as anything more than a quick fix to make their life easier as they drag unwilling travellers behind them to use for their own purposes later on.  How could something meant to be so good turn out so nasty, or at the very least so valueless? I don't know.

Is This Good for Me and Thee?

So I question again: Should I stay or should I go? Now I am adding onto that: Am I doing more harm than good here? That makes me sad. Both the me and the Thee seem to like it here ( or at least that is what I am telling myself).  Both the self and the Self, the human and the Being  can use this page for their own growth and expansion, can't they? Then why isn't it working in the way I thought it should?  (Aha...a statement that speaks to my lack of evolvement). I am once again questioning the roots of my desires, my habits, my polestar. 

Craving assists with the establishment and maintenance of lower human goals that help this "me" develop habits that will get it what it wants:  identify as a writer, teacher etc., according to James Clear.

Desire and craving are what initiate behaviour. page 264 

Yet craving, we are taught by spiritual teachers, is the source of all human suffering.  And the the only thing worth pursuing truly is the eternal, the changeless and the infinite. The thing standing in our way of attaining that ( which is already in us) is not only our desires, The great way is not difficult for those who have no preferences (Third Zen Patriarch)...but this identity of "me". We are not here to build and serve  an identity that will wax and wane like the tides. We are here to get past our human identity for the truth of what lay beneath it. We need to die to be reborn. 

So what are you going to do crazy lady?

I don't know.

But here I am anyway, trying to figure it all out. I am hoping this  site will prove to be a wonderful place where I can  put my heart and my mind in a way that is not on me, but on you.

All is well. 

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe( April 21, 2024) Make Spirituality the Polestar of  Your Life. https://tou.org/talks/

Satisfactoriness and Habit Change.

 Thus suffering, unlike unsatisfactoriness, is not inherent in the phenomena of the world, only in the way the awakened mind experiences them. This is indeed the underlying theme of the Four Noble Truths as a whole: the suffering caused by attachment and craving can be overcome by awakening. For an aharant, the unsatisfactory nature of all phenomena is no longer capable of causing suffering.

Analayo  per Joseph Goldstein, page 289

Does James Clear Get This Truth? 

I find I go back and forth upon reading Atomic Habits, questioning if it is expressing some deep spiritual realization that will bring us closer to the end of suffering through the ultimate  habit change (awakening), or if it will  just keep us stuck in the never ending chase for satisfaction. Clear speaks about satisfactoriness and suffering  in Atomic Habits, implying an understanding of The Noble Truths to some degree. 

He says, for example, near the end of the book that ...the source of all suffering is a desire for a change of state.(page 262) This reflects an understanding of the Buddha's teachings. He takes it a bit away from spirituality, however,  and into the concept of human progress when he says,This is also the source of all progress.  The desire to change your state requires you to take action. (Page 262 ). Is he saying that suffering is good because it steers us back to human progress as we seek to take action to  escape the present moment we are in? Is he implying that spiritual progress is secondary to human progress? If so, is that not the opposite of acceptance and the be here now principal?  

He also writes that peace is all about what happens in our minds, not about the  fixing of what we are observing. It is about not turning these things we are noticing...the Life that is unfolding in front of us into a problem...When we can observe [from Objective Awareness] without craving or wanting to fix it all, realizing that we don't have to, we will be experiencing peace or a deep sense of satisfaction. That is the basis for most of the spiritual teachings I talk about here.   You are simply observing and existing. page 260. This echoes the above quote.

And of course in Yoga it is all about self-control...controlling the rippling of the  mind when it comes ro our tendency for craving, satisfaction, and desire. Self control requires you to relase a desire rather than satisfy it. page 262.

Clear's book is aimed at building wholesome habits and deconstructing unwholesome ones. Habit tendencies are often spoken about in most spiritual teachings. Mostly in regards to how we need to break though the "unwholesome" tendencies rather than to build on the wholesome ones. Being free of suffering is basically all about being free of these tendencies.  So it is more about being free of habits all together. Yet, I can see the benefit to the human experience if we do build wholesome habits. How do we build wholesome habits, while tearing down the unwholesome ones? We can use satisfactoriness or a lack of. The more a behaviour is rewarded with pleasure or a sense of satisfaction, the more it will be repeated. In terms of habit change: The more a behaviour is punished with unpleasantness or a sense of dissatisfaction, the more it will be avoided.  (page 186)

Hmm! Thoughts are not yet clear on how to relate Clear's teachings to what I have learned so far on my 'spiritual' path. (It is all spiritual, isn't it? How can it be anything but?) 

Anyway, will return. All is well.

Joseph Goldstein, (2016) Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Awakening. Boulder: Sounds True

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Tiny Habit Changes and The Bigger Picture

 

From the moment we are given awareness about some bigger picture or mission, we have to have complete focus on what to do to get to that place. 

Yehuda Berg

I am a little off as I sit here to write this morning. I discovered that  a hyperlink of a published poem in one of my recently read  posts led to another site all together. It left me with an uneasy feeling as to why and how that happened. More importantly, I couldn't help but wonder if I was responsible for it. Did I expose that poetry site to something malicious from this site?  Are those bots that are constantly swarming my site not so harmless? It was one thing when I thought they just had the potential to harm my site but if they are infiltrating into other sites because of me, that is another thing all together.  Man...I don't want that. I feel uneasy. If that is the case I will need to shut down here all together and that to me is like leaving  home when I really don't want to go, all becasue I let in some bad guests that took over. 

For now, until I figure this out...(in truth it could have nothing to do with me or maybe it was an innocent selling of a Domain site?  I really, really do not know how this works) I am going to try to keep on with my review of Atomic Habits. Hmm. They, on this Thai site the link takes me to, do call themselves a "Book Review" site and I do review a lot of books...there I go again making assumptions. 

For now all is innocent until I prove otherwise:

So back to the book. Want to begin by saying I like it! I truly do. The writing is absolutely fantastic!  It was so well researched and put together. It was an excellent book with some wonderful information in it. I am really, really pushing my daughters to read it because I can see it helping them tremendously. I can see it helping me. 

So my main point was, I guess, does this focus on habit change  serve those of us on a quest for something more than ego satisfaction in terms of worldly success? I am going to make that my main focus.

To begin, I will start by saying "wholesome" habit change serves the human. If it serves the human, it will serve the Being, Soul, Self, Consciousness, Energy field etc...whatever you want to call it. Though body, mind, and heart are only parts of who we are and not who we are at the deepest level, it is important to keep them wholesome and moving freely on the path to more. ( "More" here meaning at the deeper level. )

As humans we are meant to grow and expand continously...as Consciousness we are meant to grow and expand outward from this human form we are somewhat contained in.  Growth and expansion is everything. Clear reminds us of that over and over again in the book.  It is a never ending process. One of the first things he teaches in Chapter One is that it isn't so much about the goals but about the process or systems we are using. 

It is unlikely that your actual path through life will match the exact journey you had in mind when you set out. [This is a basic spiritual truth.]...When you fall in love with the process rather than the product, you dont have to wait to give yourself permission to be happy. You can be satisfied anytime your system is running. ...True long term thinking is about goal-less thinking. It is not about any single accomplishment. It is about the cycle of endless refinement and continous improvement. Ultimately, it is your committment to the process that will determine your progress.  page 26-27

Habit change and spirituality are all about the bigger picture!

All is well.

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

 

Do Not Open this link:

http://www.soul-lit.com/poems/V30/Daley/index.html

I wrote a poem for  an online literary journal called "Soul lit"  years ago and I innocently included the link in an entry.  When I went to open it I found it in a different language with all this hyperlinked casino gibberish at the bottom, and in the side bars. It was called Soul Lit in English ( for the SEO, I assume) before going off into Thai and it referred to itself as a book review site. One cannot get in past that? I tried opening the site by using Google search and opened up to the same thing.Was the link hijacked and am I responsible for that? Oh man...there was some wonderful poetry on that site from some truly great poets. Is this what these bots are doing on my site? Looking for links to hijack? Or is this just a coincidental thing...maybe Soul lit sold its domain and this is all innocent?  

I need to report and investigate more.  My apologies if I am responsible for any of this somehow. 

Atomic Habits

 

That's the power of atomic habits. Small changes. Remarkable results.

James Clear (page 253)

I am about to start sharing the wisdom from a little book I just finished by James Clear called Atomic Habits. As I read and then studied the book passage by passage, I found myself in a bit of emotional turmoil. I questioned if this book lined up well with what I am discovering to be true, or did it offer directions to a contrary path? 

• In one breath it felt like Clear was supporting those truths I am picking up from Yoga, Buddhism, the Vedas, about the spiritual mandate for life, and in another breath it felt like he was supporting ego's mandate. 
• What was he saying about "craving" exactly? Was he saying that it was the source of all suffering, as the Buddha taught, or a positive motivation that can lead us from suffering into "success"? 
• This habit stacking, and this commitment to seek one new thing after another he writes about with the intenton of keeping ourselves challenged, is that not a glorious form of distraction...reinforcing society's problem of not being able to sit still and do nothing? 
• And this talk about making  a habit  a part of our identity....I love focusing more on what we are than what we do...but we do not want to reinforce "identity" do we? 
• I do love what he says about beliefs and how they are learned, how we are conditioned to believe what we believe, and how these beliefs can get in the way of us being the best versions of us we can be. 
• I aree 100% that beliefs need to be edited. 
• He is basically talking about samskaras and psyches, is he not, when he discusses how our identity is our "repeated beingness"...how we learn to repeat behaviours or avoid repeating behaviours based on the experiences we had with them and on the beliefs that grow from these experiences? 
• The thing I question though...is the whole premise of this book, then,  about serving this self-image which I call the ego? 
• Is the process of building habits the process of building yourself? (Page 37). 
• What self? The little me self or the Greater Self? 
• What does he see as progress and success? Is it internal or external? 
• I like how he describes suffering as being the space between craving a change in state and getting it. (Page 260) 
• What about being here now?
• Change of state I can see as something that relieves suffering but is he stating that craving and wanting is good because they lead to suffering and suffering motivates us to go after what we want?
• What is the wisest course of action?  Are we to go after what we want? Or are we to settle with what is?

Anyway, I will look into these questions and do my best to answer them.

All is well. 

James Clear (2018) atomic Habits. New York: Avery

Be Soft and Supple

 Men are born soft and supple; 

dead they are stiff and hard.

Plants are born tender and pliant; 

dead, they are brittle and dry.

Thus who is ever stiff and inflexible 

is a disciple of death.

Whoever is soft and yielding 

is a disciple of life.

The hard and stiff will be broken. 

The soft and supple will prevail. 

Lao Tzu, Chapter 76 Tao Te Ching

We really do need to let Life do what it is doing and flow with it rather than against it. We need to let go of our personal preferences that Life should be a certain way to suit us. 

And as Michael Singer says,

If you really do not want to let go of your preferences, then prefer everything. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Unverse (April 14, 2024) Spirituality Embraces Science. https://tou.org/talks/

Both Willful and Beyond Will

There are two distinct stages to the spiritual path: One that is willful and one  that is completely beyond will.

Michael A. Singer

I think these two stages work together.  First, you need to be willing to do the work of getting free; willing to point your focus inward rather than outward; willing to let go of all your samskaras and habit formations; and willing to take your hands off the reins so that which is beyond will can do what it is naturally inclined to do. What is this thing? It is Chit Shakti...or conscious energy. What is in the way of it? You are with all your preferring and resistance. So what do we do crazy lady?

Well as you are making a conscious committment to break free of your habits of clinging and pushing away (we will be talking a lot about habits in a bit as I am completing my review of Atomic Habits by James Clear), and as you are opening up....the second stage  takes place. You need to relax...let go, accept, and surrender to what is as the Chit Shakti rises in you. 

Our deeply rooted preferences make certain behaviours easier for some people than for others. James Clear, page 121

Seems so simple, doesn't it? It isn't as easy as it seems. It is a challenge to break through our conditioning, and habits are a by product of that conditioning, but it can be done! We can break our habits of "little me" focus and be free. We can!

More and more, I see how both the refocusing of my will power and the letting go of my tendency to use it to Self-destruct in a convuluted way in order to protect the  little self is setting me free.  I am getting lighter and lighter in here. A lot more of the world can pass right through me now.  That is pretty cool. If I can get here to this point, anyone can!

All is well! 

James Clear ( 2018) Atomic Habits. New York: Avery

 Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 18, 2024) Exploring the Power of Will. https://tou.org/talks/

Atoms and Atman

 The western scientist seeks for unity in the atom or the molecule.[ Remember this was said in the the late 1890's, long before the discovery of bosons, leptons, and quarks, when the smallest particle of matter was believed to be the atom.] When he finds it, there is nothing further for him to discover, and so when we find that Unity of Soul or Self, which is called the Atman, we can go no further.  It becomes clear that everything in the sense world is a manifestation of that One Substance.[What physicists are now beginning to realize.]

Vivekananda, page 193 Lectures and Discourses

What is that One Substance that manifests as everything? It is the One Consciousness. It is God. 

We aare that Consciousness lost in the objects of it.  Our evolution to understanding that occurs at many levels. 

All is well

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe (April 15, 2024) Exploring th Layers of Spiritual Growth. https://tou.org/talks/

Getting Disturbed by Atoms?

 Science is good.  If you dare to look at it, it forces you to get real.

Michael A. Singer

If we could look at the thing or person in front of us that appears to be causing us grief, as just a bunch of atoms (and of course, bosons, leptons and quarks) bonding together to create whatever that is...than man, how could we be disturbed? We would be too busy saying. "Wow!" Wouldn't we? 

All is well. 

Awake?

 What the world wants is character. The world is in need of those whoses life is one burning love, selfless. That love will make everyword tell like thunderbolt....Bold words and bolder deeds are what we want. Awake, awake, great ones! The world is burning with misery. Can you sleep?

Swami Vivekananda ( Meditation and Its Methods, page 74)

Hmmm! Are you started to awaken yet? How bold are your words and your deeds? 

All is well.

No End to Education

 There is no end to education. It is not that you read a book, pass an examination, and finish with education. The whole of life, from the moment you are born to the moment you die, is a process of learning.

Jiddu Krishnamurtri

As I listened to Michal Singer's podcast this morning, I was a bit distracted.  I have been lightly pondering if I should pursue a Masters in Education thesis ( Adult Ed) and ideas were coming to me as he spoke. 

What? How did that come up, crazy lady? 

I have many years of accumulated university credits (about 8 and a half  to nine years worth) and if we were to add in the diplomas and certificates I have earned that can not be directly credited to Canadian Universities, I have about 12 years worth of formal education. Twelve years is a lot of time spent in the post secondary learning environment, is it not?  But, here is the crux of it all:  I only have one degree. So, on paper I am not all that educated. 

 As someone who simply loves learning, I never "planned" my learning experiences well enough to ensure a certain outcome.  I just wanted to learn.  I would see this course or that course and say, "Man that would be interesting." and I would take it. I would  have this idea or that idea about some little project I could add to my life: counselling, photography, fitness leadership, creative and academic writing, writing for children, teaching English as a second language, Yoga teaching, public speaking, Meditation teaching, and becoming a "Positive Psychology Practitioner" (whatever  the heck that is), and I would take the courses needed,  accumulating credits and what not. I told myself, "Someday.  Maybe I will wrap up what I can from all this learning with  a pretty bow of some type of degree or degrees."  My learning was seldom done for the outcome of getting a degree.

I mean, I did start taking graduate courses years ago, when I was still working at the college, in the hope of getting a Masters in Adult Education. Life, however, pulled me away from that (and my job), in the way that Life sometimes does when she has other plans for us. I found myself pulled away from outcome focus and into a situation that allowed me to enjoy learning what I could simply for the joy of learning.  Regardless, here I am with years of formal education, not to mention even more years of accumulated  informal learning. (I probably have reference notes tucked away from over 3000 books I have dissected over the years, for example.  The learning from these books  has become a part of my accumulated learning.)  I truly am a very self directed, life-long learner with so much learning to share. On paper, however, unless one asks for my transcripts, diplomas and certificates on top of my degrees, I do not appear  educated enough to share much beyond my degree focus.  Ego doesn't like that!

So though the greater part of me, that I am becoming more and more in tune with, doesn't need that social or professional recognition, doesn't need to wrap itself up in a bow with a Latin tag, Ego still cries out to be recognized. Ego has been getting a bit antsy  in this new little job venture I have taken on.  The greater part of me has taken it on for higher reasons: to serve, to share what I have, to connect with people, for the challenge, and for the learning and growth a new experience offers. I know I am and can do a great job but ego is squirming in the background saying, "We need to prove ourselves here on paper.  We need some type of specific paperwork that says we are qualified for this. I don't like this feeling of 'not being enough'. Make it go away! " 

How does my mind tell me to make it go away? "Get that bow with the Latin tag."

So to appease Ego, I looked into at least getting a second undergrad. I have enough credits for a BA but in my role, Ego assures me, I need something with "education" in the title. I have a certificate in Adult Ed and graduate courses in Adult Ed...as well as twenty years experience in Adult Ed...surely I could finish my BEd  with another course or two, at the most. Another course or two was doable. So, I checked out that route, only to find out that they cannot accept my graduate courses, nor PLAR me for more than six credits. I would therefore need to take another 18 credit hours...a realization my mind, my age, and my pockets, just did not seem ready to accept for another undergrad.  

"Now what??!!" Ego hisses. "What are we going to do now? We have to make this feeling of appearing 'not enough' go away!"

What could I do that would give me a piece of paper that tied up all my learning  with one pretty bow while proving to others that I was indeed qualified to call myself an "educator";  enough, at least, to make ego shut up; and that was also not too time consuming or expensive for me at this age? 

Then it dawned on me.  I could write a thesis paper. I could write 100 pages on adult learning, couldn't I?  After all, I had a very abnormal learning journey. That must be worth something.  I could even incorporate my major learning into a paper about how adults can learn theoretically and experientially  through understanding the basic philosophies of Yoga....maybe how we should "not be so attached to the Fruits of action" that we fail to  seek learning for learning's sake, as I have done. Hmm! So many ideas were coming to me as Michael Singer spoke this morning. So, though it is still just a possibility and a "what if", I am now looking into writing a Master's Thesis. 

Will it be time consuming?  Not necessarily for me. Researching the right types of academic papers etc may take time but writing 100 pages...no sweat. Not that I particularly like writing education papers (end up with more words inside brackets at the end of each sentence than you do actual written text) but I could do it. I love writing.

Expensive? Yeah, education is expensive. Especially graduate level education...but thesis work has to be less expensive than course, doesn't it? This could prove to be a very expensive endeavour that is apparently beyond my financial ability right now, but the light shines on this: Apparently the government will sometimes help support a Master's thesis?  I can look into that option anyway.

If I were to put all that expense, time, effort into getting a degree, would it really satisfy Ego? No, I know better.  Ego, by nature, cannot and will not be satisfied for long. A piece of paper is not going to make me a better educator and it is not going to make me happy.  Nothing out there can do that!  If I do this for the soul reason of satisfying ego, I will be setting myself up for suffering. Maybe, just maybe, though...Life and Greater Me wants this for other reasons. Maybe it could prove to be a means of validating and publishing learning that will benefit others.  I don't know.

At this point, I am just thinking and questioning, as I look into this possibility. I have no idea if Life will pull me towards this, or if, for whatever reason, She will pull me away. Either way, it is all good.

All is well in my world. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( Thursday, April 11, 2024) Witness Consciousness-Returning to the One that sees. https://tou.org/talk

The Unconscious Pattern of "Would Rather Be"

 Drop into the present moment directly.

Eckhart Tolle

We have a tendency, don't we? A mental pattern of wishing we were anywhere but here and now. I am thinking of all the bumper stckers I see on cars I am driving behind: "I would rather be fishing!"  "I would rather be sleeping". "I would rather be in another city or country. etc" I have my tea cup beside me with a  caption on it, "I would rather be doing yoga!" (Hmm! That is a bit of an oxymoron, isn't it to put "doing" , "rather be", and "yoga" in the same sentence?) 

Anyway we gotta stop "rathering" and start being in the moments we are n. 

All is well.

Eckhart Tolle ( April 1, 2024) The Art of Presence-Guided Meditation. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=shCeh3_WPzY

"Ain't too bad! Getting by"?

 You cant control what is unfolding but you can control how you process it...You have a right to enjoy your life!

Michael A. Singer (Somewhat paraphrased possibly? Taken from notes where I forgot to add quoatation marks...my bad!)

You enjoying your life? Hmm! That's a tough question for many of us to answer. Around my part of the world we might answer like this, "Sure! It aint too bad. Getting by." We so often tend to equate "not too bad and getting by" with joy. 

There is, however, a big difference between "not too bad...getting by..." and joy.  Not too bad might mean we are not in physical pain 24 hours a day; that we are enduring what Life is throwing our way and  making the best of a hard situation.  It might mean we haven't had our houses blown away by a Tornado...yet...so it is all good! It might mean that our white knuckle clinging to the tail end of  a relationship that could have ended long ago...is still working.  We are not alone.  It could mean we still have that minimum paying  job we hate going to...and considering the unemployment rate, that's a positive thing. It could mean that we have a good Netflix series to binge on every night or that we are able to get up every morning, take a shower, and get on with it.

Hmm! That is getting by, but just getting by is a far cry from joy, is it not?  What we experience above. I believe, is a very common form of suffering in the desensitized state.  Huh? It is not joy, it is  a collective form of suffering that we have  "settled" for and have come to believe is not only normal, but all there is. It is numbingly and unconsciousnly  living below, well below, what we are capable of experiencing, and doing so in collective, socially approved way. But it aint joy!

Yoga teaches that there is so much more to life than this. It teaches us how to process Life with joy. We just have to refocus and look in, up, and away from this conditioned way of being and doing we have come to see as normal. There is an abundant river of joy flowing within all of us.  We can experience it.  We can enjoy our lives!

All is well

Michael Singer; Temple of the Universe ( April 8, 2024) Ceasing to let your mind limit your happiness.https://tou.org/talks/

Cosmic Reality

 As God is omnipresent in the Cosmos but undisturbed by its variety, so man who as a soul is individualized Spirit, must learn to participate in the cosmic drama with a perfectly poised and equilibrated mind. 

Yoganada

Most times the focus we have on the cosmic drama is so narrow and tiny we fail to see the cosmos. Yesterday, in my part of the world that was in the Eclipse's perfect viewing line, we looked up and away from "little me" to the miracle of the Universe.  We saw a glimpse of the majesty of cosmic reality.

All is well.

The World Beyond the Gates

Returning to the World Beyond the Gates

The Cherubim stands at the garden gate

with its fiery sword of fear and fate,

And I banished, fallen from Grace,

run upon this wheel in fevered pace. 

In fear of sword and fire's mark

I run from light into the dark.

The  sweet voice of angels I can hear

calling me back to face this fear

but the clatter of the hamster wheel 

makes their song seem so  surreal.

With no success, I grasp, cling and push away 

just to make this world out here okay.

When the wheel stops, with trembling hand,

I build a flimsy house upon the sand,

that leans and bows with every gust of wind,

with walls that  echo my ghastly sin. 

The sweet maternal callings get drowned out

as I push and pull and hammer about,

pretending that all is fine and good

with every nail that pierces wood. 

I try to stuff and hide the pain of loss

behind each wall. That comes at cost.

With one big wind this mess I made inside

gets blown out upon the  world wide,

coloring it all as a projection of my sin

and I suddenly know I will never win. 

I am lost in this existence  mind creates

and I long to return to the world beyond the gates.

I take a slow breath and stand up tall 

I turn around to face the wall.

With a heart beating wildly in my chest

I commit with breath to do my best.

Grasping courage,  I face the beast  I knew

knowing the only real way out of pain is through. 

Push by push and step by step,

with anger spent, and tears all wept,

I make my way through pain and fear

until the world of illusion is at my rear,

and the cherubim, just dust and air,

is blown away with my despair. 

Without the need for victory or for fame, 

the ground behind, I once again reclaim . 

Beyond the gate is our souls' reprieve, 

a home we, without  delusion, never leave.

Upon this solid sacred ground

the peace we long for, will be found. 

© Dale-Lyn, May, 2023

I was reminded of this poem I wrote last year after listening to another Temple of the Universe Podcast on the Fall from the Garden. The podcast I listened to today (from yesterday) inspired me to put it here. 

All is well.

Michael Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( April 7, 2014) Finding Your Way Back to the Garden.https://tou.org/talks/

The Victorious Dance of Prakriti and Spirit

 Such is the life-story of each one of us; such is the tremendous power of nature over us. It repeatedly kicks us away, but we still pursue it with feverish excitement.

Vivekananda, page 63 

Whereas Vivekananda describes the relationship between spirit and nature as a kick boxing match, Singer and Yogananda describe it as a dance. 

Spirit and nature dancing together, Victory to spirit and victory to nature! Yogananda

Nature in yogic terms, is Prakriti. It is the physical world as we know it.

Why did God create this world?

Meher Baba answered that question with, "On a whim?" 

One whimisical  twirling, swirling, or twirling movement in a dance led to the creation of all this that we see? Hmm! Ironically, Meher Baba originally a Zoroastrian, was a twirling Devirsh...No wonder why he woud see it in that way?

We are here, according to Singer, merely as Ambassadors of the One Spirit/ the One Consciousness to explore, observe, and experience this world of Prakriti/nature. We are here to dance with it, not to get lost in it, as it is so easy to do.  Don't let nature lead; don't resist the dance; and don't try to control it. Let Spirit and nature dance together in the perfect harmony they are capable of, while we simply enjoy being a part of it all.

All is well. 

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the niverse ( Thursday, April 4,2024)The Dance of  Consciousness and Creation. https://tou.org/talks/

Swami Vivekananda (2018) Meditation and Its Methods. Kindle Edition

A Shishya?

Not to examine the teacher is like drinking poison, not to examine the disciple is like leaping from a precipice.

Padmasambahva

Hmmm! I am purposefully a day or two behind in my Michael Singer podcast listening.  I decided to spread the magic out a bit ...to limit the days without a listen. So, I  just listened to Thursday's podcast from Temple of the Universe, and I was once again like: Wow! I get it! Everything resonates so deeply within me. 

Some of the things Michael Singer spoke about, I wrote about in recent entries. Yesterday, I wrote about my vision in meditation and about the learning/reminder that came from it: pull your eyes away from the samskara full psyche layer we are all so attached to, and trace every bit of light that emerges from beneath it up to the Source. Somehow, this morning's podcast reflected that/echoed that. Or maybe my consciousness is just echoing what I have learned from him. I don't know anymore. lol I wrote what I wrote before I listened to this podcast. 

What is it about Michael Singer, as a teacher, that pulls this learner I call "me" in?

For some reason, I am pulled to his teaching in particular. My morning, no longer feels right until I listen to him.  As I reflect on that, I get a little antsy.  Though I respect him as a teacher and person, I do not want to be attached to any teachers.  I don't want to see anyone, especially another Westerner, as a Guru. I don't want to blindly get lost. I watched too many documentaries, I guess, about yoga gurus gone bad. The words "guru" and "disciple" don't resonate well inside me and I tend to resist them.

Yet, here I am connecting so much on a level I cannot understand. And I come here every morning and I listen, I take notes, I reflect on those notes, I mash them around in my mind, with all the other stuff I have learned, studied, read, heard or have come to know through expereince.  Then I spit it all out on the page. 

Practicing Yoga for a Long Time, Even When It Wasn't Cool

I have been studying and practicing yoga for over a quarter of a century now.  (Man...it surprises me to look back and realize that I began practicing yoga, in tiny ways, way back in the 90's...thirty years ago.)
It has, since then,  become an integral part of my life, long before I even heard of Michael Singer. 

My committment to learning about yoga and practicing it always seemed to be a very isolated and often misunderstood one(even for me). Yet...the pull was so strong. The only way I can desribe my attraction to yoga is as , " being pulled toward this learning even when my ego  was digging its heals into the ground screaming, "Noooo!" It was so in contrast to what "little me" wanted.

"The natural behaviour of the tribe often overpowers the desired behaviour of the individual." (James Clear, page 120)

I always felt  and did my best to adhere to that natural need to fit in, not to stand out.  Yoga would make me stand out, especially in my community where few people knew what yoga actually was. My desired behaviour, surprisingly, overpowered the tribe's.   So, when I realized I couldn't resist the pull forever, when my curiosity became stronger than my resistance,  I  succumbed to it and I began to "quietly" practice.  I told few people about it. Teaching it, then , was definitely not going to be in the picture for a few deacdes! 

Those who were close to me, however,  were aware of my practice, no matter how private I made it. They watched me practicing my asanas and attempting to relax in meditation.  They could see that I always had my head in a book about spirituality or becoming a better person.  They observed that I always listened to things people deemed as woo-woo or even blasphemous.  Back in the  90's most of the people around me thought Yoga was a taboo practice physically, mentally  and spiritually. I got lectures from the instructors in the fitness trainer course I took that Hatha Yoga was harmful to the body and that all yoga poses should be avoided for liability reasons. I got lectures from concerned family members that what I was learning about could be taking me mentally away from reality.  They even questioned if my yoga curiosity was a symptom of a mental illness. I got lectures from"born again" loved ones about how evil yoga and meditation was. At one poin,t I was asked to sit down to a video of yogis experiencing ecstacy during meditation practice, so I would see  how the devil can enter  us at those times we are weakened by such evil practices. 

So as you can see, Yoga...was not the normal path to pursue, in my part of the world, at the time I started. As James Clear says in, Atomic Habits, "Running against the grain of your culture requires extra effort." page 121. Practicing Yoga was running against the grain. Something inside me, not my people-pleasing ego, but Something, however,  was more than willing to put that effort in, to run against the grain in this practice, if in none other. It pulled me in. I became a yogi. 

As Yoga became more and more accepted in my part of the world, if not fully understood,(Hatha Yoga became a trendy thing here a decade or so ago), I became a little more open about my practice and what I was studying.  It wasn't until about 2017, though, that I started publically writing about yoga and waking up in my blog. ( for many years it was private).  It was not until 2018, that I became a Hatha teacher, though I have been practicing Hatha for 30 years.  And it wasn't until around that time, that I first heard of a western Yogi named Michael Singer.  There were many, many teachers indirectly in my life before him. Many were amazing, having a wonderful impact on my learning. Yet, here I am now... decades after beginning this sadhanna...wondering why I am so drawn to what he says, why I feel a connection to him.

I read this from Vivekananda last night before falling asleep. It didn't dawn on me until this very moment why I fell asleep to those words. (I had no idea I was going to be writing about this, this morning.)  

The soul can only receive impulses from another soul, and from nothing else. We may study books all our lives, we may become very intellectual, but in the end we find that we have not developed at all spirituality...To quicken the spirit, the impulse must come from another soul. The person from whose soul such impulse comes is called the Guru-the teacher; and the person whose soul the impulse is conveyed is called the Shishya-the student. Page 66

Man...it really is a soul to soul thing, isn't it?  Whether I resist the words "Guru" and "disciple" or not; whether I insist that I will not blindly follow another human being or not...doesn't matter. It isn't about "me". Just as this "me" could not stop me from being pulled into the practice of Yoga...this "me" cannot prevent me from being a Shishya. There may actually be something to this Guru/student thing, traditional yoga insists upon. I don't know.  

I am not sure Singer is my guru...I just know my soul is drawn to his soul, for whatever reason,  just as my soul was drawn to yoga. Sigh!!! It is all so amazing.

All is well!

James Clear (2018) Atomic Habits. Avery: New York

Michael A. Singer/ Temple of the Universe ( Thursday, April 4,2024)The Dance of  Consciousness and Creation. https://tou.org/talks/

• 
  

Look Up and Let the Shakti Free Itself

 

The word "Shakti" means power. Shakti, the innate power in reality has five faces. It manifests as the power to be conscious, the power to feel ecstacy, the power of will or desire, the power to know, and the power to act.

Sally Kempton

I had this vision this morning when I was meditating, followed by a host of thoughts and questions. I would like to share it with you.

Part way through my meditation, a vision came to me. I could see a long hollow tunnel (the Sushumna, I assume)  and blocking that tunnel were a bunch of broken shale rocks thrown in over it in a haphazard way...like a collapse over a cave...( Samskaras, I assume). Through that shale rock blockage there were streams of light emerging...beautiful light being pulled upward by some force on top of the head. The Source was pulling the light up, back to It.  When I followed the direction of that little streams of light  I looked up to see a beautiful  lotus flower with a thousand petals hovering over the cranium. That lotus flower had all the forces of nature working with it to pull this light and whatever is beneath the rock cover up: electromagneticism, gravity, strong nuclear force, weak nucler force...and something else non-yogi scientists, at this point, have yet to discover, but something yogis have known about for a long, long time. 

That was my vision and it led me to think of so many things after the meditation. 

Insights and Thoughts

To begin. I don't understand it but  I know, I feel more energetic and happy, or at least less heavy and down, whenever I follow the direction that light is going. I know that looking up is freedom, looking to the Source of the light rather than what the light is shining on is the thing to do.

 But I am also very curious about this rock blockage. I know that something amazing is trapped beneath it. Even though looking at the rock pile (and the garbage trapped in it) narrows my focus and brings my energy down so much...I know, without fully knowing why, that what is below that blockage is even more light and a Source of something I  will never understand the full power of with my mere mind. (Shakti)

  When I look through the cracks this light is coming through, in my meditation,  I can see and hear the churning of a powerful water and light source against the inside of these rocks. This force is naturally inclined to go where the light is going. It is being pulled to that Source of light but the rocks are in the way.  This buried force contains so much energy and intention to go up but it is blocked. So it turns like a whirlpool, around and around, pushing and crashing against the rocks, moving them a smidgeon upward with every crash.  And the rocks are moving...they are loosening and shifting...getting closer and closer to the top where with a small gentle push from this trapped whirpool they can come to the surface to be released, one rock at a time...leaving another crack for the light and splashes of this soothing, healing water to come through, while relieving the pressure a bit on the inside.  

There is orderly intention here in what seems like random and uncomfortable chaos. This force inside is doing what it is intended to. It is painfully freeing itself and purifying us so we are more spacious to accept Life as it is.   Though, it is certainly not comfortable to have these rocks rumbling around inside us, pushed by such a strong force...it is happening for a reason.  The rocks are not meant to be there and the force is attempting to free itself. It will. 

That is, of course, if more rocks from the outside are not shovelled in on top adding to the blockage of rock (and garbage). That is, of course, if we do not continue to push it back down so we don't have to feel it or experience it, by using defense mechanisms like suppression or repression..

Questions:

This is where the questions start coming into my mind, as if from another questioner asking me if I know the answers. I don't know the answers. lol  Yet, I feel compelled to answer...not from my very much unevolved ego mind but from a place that is suddenly emerging from beneath it as I write. 

If there is some undiscovered force inside us waiting to emerge, why would anyone shovel more stuff in on top of what could be one of the most amazing archeological digs the human species could ever take part in, crazy lady? Who or what would prevent such an earth shattering  discovery? 

The Unevolved and resistant human mind would. The psyche, which is intent on preserving itself and this illusion, would.  

WTF? You doing shrooms?

Just let me take you to what I could see through meditation today (btw: my life practice and my meditation are drug free lol). This blockage I was looking at is more or less the psyche...the sum of all learned experiences, a massive and heavy  collection of samskaras: all the things I stored from life experience that I didn't deal with.

Didn't deal with?

Yes, the stuff I didn't just let pass through; didn't just observe and experience as a part of this amazing journey of being human; the stuff I judged, desired, craved, clung to; the stuff I feared and pushed away. With every preference I shovelled some of this shale rock in.  With every aversion I buried the amazing Force even more. I erronously thought for most of my life that the glimpses of  light, in the form of peace, happiness, joy etc,  I was experiencing were coming from out there and it was up to me to grab what I could and  determine just how much to let in. I resisted so much of my life experience because I thought it was my job to do so.  I feared what would happen if I didn't. I created this mess inside me...and then with every uncomfortable shift of shale rock I pushed down even more;  I shovelled even more in, hoping that would stop the uncomfortable shifting inside. When every rock  came to the surface, and therefore to my conscious awareness...I panicked in fear and I pushed it back down. not seeing what was truly happening.  I was widening and strengtheing the blockage, making things worse.

I did this!  I created this mess inside me.  I blocked  this force from going to the Source.  I created this mess and then I stared at what I created so intently and so narrowly that I began to believe that this was all there was.  I identified with  this collection of samskaras, this psyche. My stored stuff/ this rock/garbage pile became "me".  For most of my life, I didn't see, as "me",  that both the little streams of light that managed to escape and the turbulence  I too often was feeling, was coming from below the blockage  not from out there.  I didn't see, as "me",  that there was nothing I was supposed to do  about what Life unfolded in front of me...that it wasn't mine to fix...in fact, it didn't need to be fixed for it was perfect as it was. I didn't see, as frightened, "seperate me", that I ws simply here to observe it all and experience it all, and that without the blockage it would all be so amazing! I didn't see, as "me", that all life experiences are just meant to flow in and flow out as part of this amazing dance. I didn't see, as "me", that I was never meant to judge any of it, cling to any of it, push any of it away or resist any of it! I didn't see as "me", that it was all much bigger than "me" and my puny little psyche.  

Can you see now?

I can truly see now that Life will take care of herself and that this grasping, clinging, preferring, desiring, judging, selecting, pushing away and resisting I have been doing all my life is what created this blockage.  I also see, though I still nose dive or smash into it from time to time, I am not the blockage.  I am  simply observing it.

So is it our job to dismantle this psyche? To execavate and dig and pull each samskara rock we put there away so we can get to what is beneath?

No, We  have already done enough.  It is time to leave it up to Life.  We couldn't carry all these rocks away if we wanted to...they are too big and too heavy. Our job, if we have one,  is to simply step back and let this force inside us do what it knows to do.  Let it rumble and disturb the rocks, bringing them to the surface for release. We just need to get out of the way. It won't be comfortable, and even down right painful at times, but so be it! It will cleanse us and set us free, if we let it. Getting out of the way, also means not  pushing down or shovelling more stuff in. A hands off approach is needed here...a releasing and a letting go is needed here. An acceptance of what is is needed here.

What about the beams of light that are escaping from the rock pile?

Follow them.  We can begin with meditation. Instead of staring down at the mess, envision light emerging from the cracks; and  trace that stream of light, no matter how tiny, back to the Source.  In my meditative vision I saw a thousand petal lotus at the top of my head as the Source pulling that light up.  That is because I practice yoga and recognize the seventh chakra.  It is also because I  often use the mantra "Om Mani Padme Hum", which means "the jewel of the lotus"...which  takes us to the Source of all.  That was just my vision...use whatever comes to mind when you think of God, a higher power, the Source of all this. Follow the light back to that, follow the light back to who you really are.

You are not the rock pile blockage, the psyche, the body and the mind...you are that which is experiencing these things.  Remember that. So look for light emerging through cracks in this "me drama" you are so caught up in, in your every day experiences. This light, of course, represents every splash of higher energy emotion you experience: peace, happiness, joy, love etc. Everytime you feel good, follow the light up.  Ask:  Where is this truly coming from? The thing I just baught? The  nice thing that person just said to me? This pleasant outer experience? Or is something being released in me? Am I opening up to this light and this flow?

 It is something within you...there is something opening up within you, allowing the light out.   Follow that back to its Source! It is an inward tracing, not an outer one. Let the Shakti free itself and you. 

Oops!

Wow! I just meant to tell you about the nice vision I had during meditation and how it made so much sense to me.  I didn't mean to bore you to death with my rambling. lol

All I wanted to say, in summary...is there is a samskara layer inside you of your own making, blocking the flow of Shakti back to the Source. Stand back and allow Life, nature, and this Shakti to do what it knows what to do without getting in the way ( no more resisting, no more pushing down, no more shovelling in). And while it is causing a lot of shifting inside you as it frees itself, embrace the light that emerges from each new crack. Follow each beam  back to the Source.  You will discover amazing things there. You will find Who you really are there.

All is well.